I'm a bit frustrated, angry and hurt. I just got off the phone with my fiancé, and I mentioned that I wanted to plan a visit to see him. He got really quiet, and told me it probably wasn’t a good idea. I asked why and he said it would just make things harder for us. He says it was really hard for him when his dad went to visit last year and took his son (9 years old and that was the first time he met his son). He said not being able to hold his son, and hug him as much as he wanted made it really difficult to be in there. I imagine it must have been difficult, and I know it won’t be easy, especially when it comes time to leave. But I think it’s something I really need to do. I haven’t seen him for 14 years, I need to see his face, I need to be able to hug him, if only for a brief moment… We’ve been writing and calling for 4 years now, and I’m at the point where I just need/want to see him. Am I being selfish? Should I just drop the subject, or continue to try convincing him that we’ll be okay? I’m so confused right now. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should wait until he gets transferred to a California prison. But we’ve been waiting for the transfers for years now, and it’s just not coming… I swear I just want to scream. :banghead:

Maybe you should just make your point and tell him how much it means to you and ask him to please consider it.

We’ve decided to postpone my visit for now… his biggest concern is that seeing me, will cause him to lose his focus, and what ever other crap he talked about. He’s somehow convinced me that I should wait and come next summer. I agreed. He’s hoping to be transferred to California soon, so then I’ll be able to visit more often.

It still amazes me that he can talk me into just about anything. Even when I’ve got my mind set on making this trip, all of a sudden, it makes sense to wait…
:slap:

Hey

At first my man said that he didnt want me to write cuz it was going to be harder for him. I still made him take my address and i get like a million letters from him. He writes a couple and puts them in an envelope. (to straach out the envelopes cuz i think they get only 10) My baby said that thats the only thing keeping him sane. I write him them real good if you were here or when u come home i will..... :) letters.
Im trying to go see him on saturday for the first time. I think that if he dosent want you to go you shouldnt cuz it hurts them in a way and gets them frustrated but then again 4yrs or however long you havent seened him in i think he should let you go cuz you have been by his side all along. My man thanks me in every letter/ call for standing by his side. Do what you think its best but dont forget yourself. :)

Well all that wanting to visit and him not wanting me to is no longer an issue. He’s here in California now; about two hours from me, so I go see him twice a month, at least, more if I can. It’s been really nice being able to see him, even if it’s only through the glass. I hadn’t seen him before this for about 14 years, he looks the same, and just a little more tired. But it’s good. We write and he calls when he can. His parole hearing is in June, we’re not expecting much, actually were expecting the worst, and praying for the best…

good luck with his parole hearing. I'm glad that your able to visit, enjoy your next visit together.

I know a couple of inmate that doesnt take visits cuz its too hard to see them leave.

Good luck!

i have a question....are ALL visits behind glass?!?!?! id be devastated!

Visitation at Charleston Naval Brig is conducted in a visitation room containing several tables. All prisoners and guests visit in the same room. There is also an adjoining courtyard with umbrella covered tables when the weather allows. Physical contact is permitted i.e., a hug and kiss within good taste athe beginning and end of the visitation. During the visit, you may hold hands across the table. I've been here for years, and I've never seen a no-contact visitation.

Visits at USDB are also in a visitation room, with tables and chairs. No outside tables, though. That would be really nice!! However, if the inmate is in SHU, then the visits are non-contact, as in, through the glass in the little cubicle with the very uncomfortable round steel stools! And if more than one visit, you have to share the phone handset. That is a real pain in the neck, literally! I'm glad we're through with that phase and if we end up back there again, my son will be glad there is glass between us!! I've never had any problems with visitation at the DB. Everyone is very nice and respectful. There are games for adults and kids, snacks and drinks from the machines (you bring the money and you buy the stuff, not the inmate - they can't handle money). I do hate leaving though.

I would just go and visit him. Ha!