My guy got out last week and was supposed to fly to where I live and move in with me and when he got out he only called me one day and I haven't heard from him since. I called his sister and she gave him the message to call but I haven't heard anything. Well then a last night I called her again since it was his birthday and she said he was hanging out with the guy he used to get high with and he was acting strange. I now know why he hasn't called, he using again. I told he to tell him if he didn't call me this next week by Friday that he was on his own, that I wasn't buying the airline ticket and I didn't want him coming here. I don't know if that was right , but I feel like he could call me when he said he would when he was locked up and I didn't have to wonder what was happening so he should be able now. It's not like he's having to pay for the call I am doing that. All he has to do is dial the phone. I just am waiting now for that call saying he's back in jail or dead. I grew up around drugs and I can't watch him tear his life apart. I can deal with whatever happens if he is trying to stay clean but he's not. I feel like I am letting him down in a way, that I should just take care of him. But I am in bad health and he doesn't care what this does to me. He doesn't care about anything but what goes in his arm. And the rest of the world is wrong in his point of view if anyone tells him it's wrong. He keeps telling me I don't understand what it's like to be hooked on drugs and that is true , but I do know what it's like to watch someone you love with all my heart slowly kill himself.

There is nothing you can do hon if he has chose to go back to drugs. The only thing you can do is move on with your life, and take care of you :(

I am so sorry this is happening ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))And welcome to this forum. We will always be there for you.

missygirl77-I went through exactly the same thing you are. He was here about 2 months and I found out he was using from his mother and sister. I called his PO and he took off. It took them about 6 months to get him but he is now "in the hole" and serving the rest of his time.

You did not do anything. You are absolutely NOT responsible for taking care of him. He is a grown man. He has a serious problem and he has to deal with it. I know how bad it hurts when they choose "her" over you, but there is nothing you can do. Once it takes hold you are a distant memory. I was in agony for months, I hurt so bad, but I also knew there was no fighting it or him. I turned and walked away. I have health problems and mental health issues and he hurt me so bad I still am in shock.

My advice is to walk away. Take the pain and deal with it and move on. It's not easy, but if you keep after him, the pain is going to get so much worse. He has to hit that proverbial "wall" if he gets to it at all, before he will crawl out. You don't have to be in the wreck to.

Pray for him and take care of yourself. You can't win this one.

I hate to read stories like this, but they happen all too often!
Missygirl- all you can do is take care of yourself! You can't save him, and if he isn't interested in helping himself- there is absolutely nothing you can do.
I know it's hard and I know it hurts like hell.
Hopefully one day he will realize what he is doing to himself and those around him, but if prison didn't change his mind, at this point I don't know what will. Only he knows.
Stay strong for yourself hon! And please come here whenEVER you need to vent because there are so many of us that can relate!
hugs to you-

missy....... I am so sorry this happened. Words seem to be so inefficent at this time.

I wish I could say that it is time for you to start taking care of YOU, when I am in a living hell of my own. I would feel like a hypocrite. I don't have the strength to walk away from the situation, even though everyone here advises me to, and I know it is the right thing to do. For some reason, I enjoy the living hell drugs produce. I must, why else has my spine turned to jello and my voice gone silent.

You and this guy have several hundred (thousand??) miles between you. Let those miles take your pain, anger, and wondering away from you. Send them to him down the highway and YOU start living again.

Don't stay in the much and mire. It sucks.

JJT

JJT thank you .. I'd say it's nice to know someone eles is fealing with the same thing but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. The miles melt away as I worry ! I can't stop it. He's gonna hit bottom at some point and I want him to know that even though I can't watch it happen i'll never change my number and when he's ready he knows where to find me. I love him! That feeling makes us do and say things we never would. I hate knowing he's hurting but at this point he doesn't care about himself so I don't know why I expect him to understand what it does to me.

Missygirl,
My heart is breaking for you, because I do know how you feel. I have lived it and just recently.. Please go to the same forum that you have posted this in and read mine and my husbands story
"what I have to do now" by Tatsbaby.. You will see that you are not alone.
I wish that I could tell you what to do, I cant..I know what worked for me. And that was taking care of me and my son and letting him be to his world of dark.. He finally did hit the end of his rope. After yet another heart attack.. 2 in one month.. I know that was his wake up call. While he was on the streets it was the hardest time of my life. But I let him go and I did not take him money or give him anything other than my love, and told him when you are ready, I am here.
You can enable them. You would be only hurting them and you. Everyone is right, you have the miles between you, take that and be glad that you have it. If he loves you and he hits he will call you. But stand firm in what you want and believe in.. I have learned the true meaning of " One day at a time" and that is the only way you can take it when you love an addict.
I will be praying for you and your loved one.. IF you need to feel free to PM me.. you arent alone..

much love and blessing
Tina

I heard from his sister today and I guess he got in over his head and owes the wrong person money and they beat him up pretty bad. Put a gun to his head and four guys jumped him, so he's hiding out somewhere. His sister is trying to find him with no luck. She wanted to put a missing persons out on him, but I dont think it'll do any good,if he doesn't wanna be found he won't. He knows my number and when he hits bottom he knows I am here to help him. With any luck it'll be sooner than later but I can only make sure he remembers my love and that I am ALWAYS here if and when he's willing to get help. I am strong at this moment but I don't know how long it'll last. I am up and down depending on what I hear about him.

I'm sorry sweetie :( I know what it is like to love an addict and watch them hurt themselves.It is a very tough spot to be in

(((HUGS)))