i've been rasied in what some people would refer to as a "white neighborhood" since mine has always been the only black family in the area. i've gone to a catholic private school (with mostly white kids) all of my life. most of my friends are white and its always been that way because thats what i'm surrounded by. so imagine my surprise when i turned 15 and was ready to date and my father tells me that he would allow me to date because my mother told him that he had to but that he would absolutely not allow me to go on dates with or attempt to have relationships with white males. it left me a little insecure in came to how my relationships were looked at from outside sources. so now that i'm in the process of getting ready to visit a friend of mine (maybe more we're talking about it. i'm not willing to rush into anything) i'm concerned. i've vocied my concerns but he says that there is nothing to be worried about and that he wouldnt do anything that he was embarrassed about and that he definately wasnt ashamed of being seen with me. i'm worried though, that maybe it will upset other people and that some of the people will say things to him and i really dont want to start any trouble for him. i'm dying to see him but i'm really nervous about the ripples that my presence will create. am i making a big deal out of something really small?

I assume you are an adult now? Then you should be able and willing to date whoever you wish. When you were growing up did you not have the opportunity to be around other African Americans (family, etc.)? Don't worry so much about it.

when i was younger he ( my father) felt that it was in our ( brothers/sisters) best interest to be raised around whites. i guess he was afraid of the "ghetto steroetypes" and didnt want us in environments such as that and since he was able to do better by us he did. i think its unfortunate for me that i didnt have the chance to be with other african american families. now that i'm turning 18 i plan on going to visit my friend. i love him very much and wouldnt want to do anything to cause riffs between he and the other prisoners. i was concerned that me *being a black female* would cause problems for him in jail since he is white. lol maybe i've watched too much OZ?

I wouldn't worry about it, interracial relationships are so common, probably a little more common for blk men and white women, but common none the less.

Race in America is a fantastically treacherous subject. Unfortunately. but your father immersed you in a white world. How can he expect you to then, after all that training that he and others gave you, associate romantically only with blacks? That's not what had been in front of your eyes all your life. That's not what your ideas and ideals are formed from. Now he expects you to void all that? He's unrealistic, and in a sense hypocritical. You are giving him ammunition, however, by thinking about attaching yourself to a prisoner. I'm not saying don't do it, just that it's the OTHER most inflammatory thing you could do to fan his fears and anger, leaving aside becoming a prostitute or a terrorist.

Be prepared. Interracial relationships are so common now, but they still can cause some people to look askance at you. Unless you're in a large city, in which case, you're going to blend right in. But your dad grew up in a time when that was a very brave/foolish relationship to have, one that could indeed get you very badly beaten or get a cross burned on your lawn. He hasn't managed to forget those things, because they were in front of his eyes.

A long, honest, slow talk with him will be your only option, if you decide to say yes to this relationship. You will have to emphasize your maturity, your independence and your love for him all at the same time - Whew! My dad, when I was dating a black man, bit his tongue and stuck to his morals. He feared greatly for me, but because he truly believed in the equality of all people, he could not let his fear rule his admonitions to me. Only years later did I know of the torment it caused him, back there in the 60s, when racism was abloom.

Great good luck to you!

you're right. as much as i love my father i guess i'm the only one that can make up my mind so i guess if i'm allowing myself to even think about embracing a situation such as this then i need to do the mature thing and sit and talk to not only my father and my friend but also to myself. i do love mike(my friend) very much so this race issue needs to be dealt with and resolved wether we decide to have a relationship or not. thanks you guys.

My nationality is Italian and Mexican. I was told by my parents that I couldnt date anybody that wasnt like me, which meant White or Mexican I guess. Once I started dating Black men my parents, probably my whole family, flipped out. But I stood my ground and over the years they have given up the fact that I will probably never date anybody other than Black men. What I am trying to say is that I am sure you are grown, do what you want and what you feel! Dont worry about anybody else. If these people love you they will be happy for you.

I wouldn't worry about it, interracial relationships are so common, probably a little more common for blk men and white women, but common none the less.

I was referring to interracial relationships in a prison setting,, not to do with your family...