But I was browsing through and noticed this site, so I had to try it out. So often, I feel like I am the only one going through this, but now I see how wrong I was! It feels good to know that this resource exists to release some of this frustration I have.

My story: I am engaged to a wonderful man named Robert who is incarcerated in NY State. We met 4 years ago while I was visiting family and on a modeling assignment in NYC when he happened to call to talk to my brother. A conversation ensued, and we continued to conversate and write for the next year. After that first year I went to visit him and was instantly in love. I think I was in love before with just talking and writing him. But when I looked into his eyes and held his hands and finally kissed his lips, I knew that this was it. After that initial visit, I found myself falling for him more and more and it scared me, so I backed off a little from him...writing less and less and trying to deny those feelings I felt. (He was in jail for chrissake, is how I rationalized it) He began to sense a change in me and wrote me the most beautiful letter, describing his feelings for me and told me that if I wanted to wait until he came home to pursue this relationship, he would totally understand.

Could I really do that? Let him be in there day in and day out and not support the man that I supposedly loved, just because he was in jail? No, I couldn't. So I made an unexpected trip from Washington, DC to Ogdensburg, NY (over 9 hrs driving!) to tell him how I felt. I was so nervous, I was shaking!

After that visit 3 years ago, things have been wonderful. I dont get to visit him that often (Only 2 x a year, since its so far) but he comes home in 9 more months (Feb. 2003)! It has been a hard road, and many a lonely night, but I wouldnt trade any of it for the world. Because now I feel that I have really found someone that knows me and loves me for all my faults and my strengths.

In my past, I would always date guys and our relationship would eventually always be built on sex, before we had a mental relationship. And this one is definitely mental, although I must admit mind sex is the best sex! Well maybe not the best, but it is intense!

So in 9 months after 4 years of talking, writing, visiting, holding hands and kissing...my man will be home and I cannot wait.

I guess that is enough for right now. If anyone wants to talk, feel free. I welcome the opportunity to meet someone that is going through what Robert and I are.

Pat

PAT-GALD YOU FOUND US-AND THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR STORY! I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND SO GLAD ROBERT WILL BE HOME SOON- TAKE CARE!

Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it.

Hello there Pat!

Welcome to PTO...this is a great group of people to talk to that understand. I am also glad that Robert will be home soon!! 9 months is a piece of cake, right?


I too am in love with an inmate that I was pen pals with before so I understand what you were going through at the time & now. Being with EJ (my fiance) has been 1 of the best & at times trying times in my life. In the both of us never having the opportunity to be physical we have gotten to know 1 another on every other level! At times it has been trying because I want him home so bad, but I know he will come home soon & from then on we will be together!

You stay strong through these next 9 months & Robert will be home. If you ever feel like talking & things aren't going so well this place is great to vent & write out everything that you may be feeling. We are all here to help out because we are going through the same things.

Take care!
Diona

Thank you so much Diona...

I know what you mean about it being hard! It seems like now that its only 9 months left, its even harder than the 4 I have already been through! I guess it's the anticipation.

Not being physical with Robert has been a refreshment for me because like I said before the physical always superceded the mental. So this is all new to me, but Im loving it!

So how much longer do you have to wait before your man comes home? I hope its not too much longer?

Thanks for writing, I really appreciate it.

Pat

I understand about the not being physical part. That was like most of my relationships as well. We didn't do much talking & now all EJ & I have is talking. We have gotten to know each other on every level! Now there is only 1 more level to get to know him...too bad Illinois doesn't get conjugal visits...hee hee!!

He won't be home until 5/2004 unless I can get him home sooner on good time. I have been waiting for him for a year in June already.

It is the anticipation of Robert coming home that's making it even harder. I was like that when EJ was to come home last year in October. I will have to tell you about our story someday. It's pretty interesting & you might even think me a little crazy, but of course I am crazy...crazy for EJ!! :)

Feel free to e-mail me whenever you would like DKozak@iso.com if you ever feel like talking, ok?

Take care!
Diona

Wow, that is a story i want to hear! We have all done some crazy things before...I wont even go into the crazy stuff I have done.

2004 isnt that long away, you will have waited for as long as me by the time EJ comes home. So we definitely have that in common!

Talk to me any time...I am here.

Pat

EJ & I met through a friend of mine that he was cell mates w/in 2000. My friend told him about me & that I am a good person so he decided to write to me. He & I wrote for a bit, but then we got cut off because I was living at home at the time & I knew my dad would get mad that I was writing a prisoner. I moved away from home in March of 2001. While looking through some old papers in my desk at work I came across EJ's address of where he was incarcerated & decided to find out if he came home or not. I found out he was transferred to another prison so I wrote him a letter of SURPRISE! Since then we have been writing, he calling me & me visiting him faithfully.

He was to come home in Oct. of 2001 & he did. He got himself in more trouble 3 weeks after he came home & wound up back in prison. He calls me from the jail he was in after not calling me for the 3 weeks he was home (took some GUTS). After many nasty phone conversations he told me about his criminal tendency problems that stem from a horrible childhood among other things. He is getting the much needed help & the medication he has needed for so long to help him now.

That's the short version of our story. Pretty crazy & I have to admit meeting EJ for the first time in prison was the MOST INTERESTING way to meet anyone that I will ever do! Something to tell our kids & grandkids in the future!

Diona

I hear you. I hope that when he comes home this time he can get his act together and stay out of trouble.

I told Robert that under no uncertain terms would I go through this again, and I mean it!

I know what you mean also!! I told EJ the exact same thing, in fact I told him that when he was supposed to come home last year. Well you know how those things go...

He knows now that I am not going to go through this again if he gets in trouble this time around. I have a very strong feeling though that EJ is going to be on the straight & narrow this time though. Just little things I can NOW tell so all I can do is hope for the best when he comes home!

You stay strong & Robert will be home very soon!

Thanks Diona,

it has been so great talking to you today...and I hope we can continue to converse from time to time. I am sure EJ will have his act together, especially since he knows he has a chance of losing you if he messes up again.

Talk to you later sweetie

Pat

Pat, just another WELCOME to the forum, where people share, compair and relate with passion.

Yes it has been great talking to you as well Pat!
Feel free to e-mail me whenever you don't see me online, I use my work computer for e-mail & internet access so I try to get on for a bit during lunch & then get back to work.

You take care!
Diona

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story with us!

PAT:

WELCOME TO PTO.... THERE ARE A LOT OF STORIES LIKE YOURS HERE.... GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS.... 9 MONTHS WILL GO BY IN NO TIME....

BLESSINGS
DONNA

Anthoer PTO welcome... I can totally relate you how you are feeling. I to met my now husband via letters and fell in love with him.. He is just an amazing man and would not trade our love for any thing in the world. He is my soulmate. I told got scared and tried to deny my feelings because he was locked up. Funny how we try to rationalize things that way huh. LOL Well I look forward to talking with you more..

Hi, and welcome. I know just what you are going through! (As does most of the women here...and some men!) I can not wait for the day Cliff is free and in my arms!
You will be so happy, and he will too!

I know you're excited about him coming home. Glad to hear that everything is working out like you wanted!

a belated welcome from me too. 9 months will fly by but Im sure it'll feel like every second lasts an hour...but 9 months isn't that long

hope to read a lotta posts in the future

THank you all for your nice replies. 9 months really isnt that much longer to go..but like I said before, these last months seem harder than th e 4 years I have already put in! I know there are people out there that have much longer to wait for there loved ones, and I am not complaining, I am just getting anxious for the day to finally come!

But thank you all again for your kind words and I hope to chat with you all again often!

Pat

To ease the time for you sweetie to come home, go to www.escati.com and get a counter. Nine months is better than 1,784 days! When the time gets lower you get more excited.

You are right! 9 months is nothing compared to the days you have left...I am grateful for that. Is your fiance far away or are you able to visit him often? That is one thing that has driven me crazy all this time..him being so far away so that I can only visit 2 times a year..

Pat

Pat,

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I would give anything to know that my Fiancee was coming home in 9 months!!!! I wish you both the best. :)

if they don't accept darrell's appeal, he isn't coming home in another 22 years...that's how old I am...

Oh my gosh! 22 years? And here I am thinking 4 years is bad...I am so sorry and I hope that he gets that appeal.

Pat

thanks Pat...I know people think I'm crazy to choose a man who might not come out until I'm 44, but I don't care...I love him and am prepared to wait.

By the way, may I ask from where in DC you are? Darrell is also from DC

I am in Northeast Washington, DC. About 10 minutes from the Capitol and about 15 min. from the White House.

NICE!

anything you can tell me about the south east? how is it like there? that';s where darrell grew up

Well depending on where he grew up in Southeast tells a lot. There is a really nice part, then there is a really rough part. It all depends, so its hard to say.

Hey Pat,
Steven isn't far, only a 45 minute drive from where I live in Virginia. How far is your hunny from you?

Soraya, things are bound to happen sooner or later. His time may get lowered and it could be 2 years instead of 22 years! Sometimes it seems like they never get their full sentence but only half of it. That's the way I look at it to survive!

well, the thing is he got 30 years to life and already did 8 years....sigh

hmmm I guess he grew up in the ruff side of south east :(

Leonda,

My fiancee is almost 10 hrs away from me in Ogdensburg, NY. Where are you at in VA? That is great that your honey isnt that far from you. Being able to visit is a great thing...that's why I am glad that he will be home soon, because the traveling, collect calls etc. really begin to add up!

Soraya, he might not do all that time, just think positive. When is he up for parole? Keep thinking about that!

Pat

Yeah it does cost to have a loved on incarcerated. I'm in Richmond, VA and Steven is in Powhatan Correctional.

Soraya, hang in there hun what's done is done now and he has to live with his past. Hopefully it'll get better and you'll be able to be in each other's arms. Does he know how much time he has exactly?

hellow again did you get the e-mail i send you about how to get the bus

Hey there Pat... It looks like I am a little late... but just wanted to say "WELCOME" to PTO and the husbands and boyfriends forum!! It's great to have another active chatter here!! :) Glad we will get to try to help you make it through these last nine months!! :)

Yeah.. I'm late too! But a belated welcome from Me! Welcome to PrisonTalk Online!

David

Hey Pat didn't I tell you this is a great, supportive group of people!

Glad that you joined the ranks of PTO...talk to you soon!

Take care!
Diona

Nice to see your pic, btw Pat.

Well, I'm trying to look on it in a positive way.My heart tells me he won't be in prison for another 22 years. We're trying to get his case back in court, for an appeal, because a hole lotta things went wrong on his trial, and there's newly discovered evidence he didn't do it. so please keep your fingers crossed that they will accept his appeal and that they'll find him innocent real soon!
So the thing is, he got sentenced to life, up for parole after 30 years...that is still 22 years to go....:(

Oh no, I'm sorry Soraya words can't express. I'll will keep you both in my thoughts!

Pat you look familiar...

Me too Soraya, I am so sorry. But if there is new evidence that needs to be presented, he might get out...Just keep praying sweetie.

Pat

Leonda,

I look familiar? Well I have never lived in Richmond...I am originally from Rochester, NY. I used to live in Alexandria, VA though...???

Pat

thank you girls...see this was important in my decision too, if I would break up with my boyfriend here in Holland. I had to ask myself, am I prepared to wait another 22 years for him. after giving it a lot of thought, i decided I was...but I hope so so so much they'll accept his appeal!! unfortunally we can't even find a laywer to help...oh well, I try to stay positive...I think maybe it's easier for me/us because we met while he was already in prison. so I don't know how it is to be with him, to be living with him and all that...and luckly you guys are also here! :D

Soraya,

I know how hard a decision that was for you. 22 years is a long time to wait, but if you truly love him then no time is too long to wait. But no matter what, make sure you are living a healthly life and not cutting yourself off from the world. You are not the one in prison, remember that! For a while there, I didnt go anywhere but to work and home again, I wasnt really talking to my friends and I was miserable. I finally sat down and thought about it and was like, I am here for the long haul with this man, but my life is definitely not over. So I went out and bought some new clothes, got a haircut and my nails and toes done and had a nice time doing something nice for me! Sometimes you have to do that. Then I wrote him an nice long letter telling him about my day and all the activities I was into. He said that made him feel really good and like he was a part of it, with the descriptive way I wrote the letter. So in a way, I guess it helped. My letter wasnt depressing or down, it was upbeat and funny.

What I am trying to say is make sure you take care of you...Be there for your man, but dont let yourself get too down in the process. And do something nice for yourself from time to time.

Pat

You know they say everyone has a twin I may have saw you out before.

THat is true, they do say everyone has a twin! How funny!

Pat

Pat is right Soraya don't neglect your family and friends and most of all YOU. Pamper yourself sometimes and there is no harm in going on a couple of dates every now and then. Twenty-two years is a long time, and hopefully they will accept his appeal. You guys are so far apart so try your best to stay in contact with each other. Your love for each other will make the distance seem like it's not even there.

I know I have to take care of myself. it might sound funny, but I'm not used to pampering myself, I'm always trying to take care of others and pamper others, and then I forget myself.
Not living in my homecountry gives me the thing that I don't have many friends here and no family, exept a brother. but the guy i broke up with because of darrell is sooo sweet, we're still best friends and he told me he won't let me sit in the house all the time. he's looking after me, so I'm lucky to still have him as my best friend.

That's good to hear, how come you moved to Holland? You're so far away! I was the same way too, especially after I had my daughter. I put others before I put myself. Just do little things every now and then. When you spend money on yourself, don't regret it. I used to do that ALL the time. I would spend too much money than I intended and regret it later but I'm like 'hey I'm worth it'.

I hear you...

I wouldnt spend anything on myself, thinking "I dont really need that"...but hey, I am worth it! Now you cant keep me out of the store, or the nail and hair shop! LOL

I'm getting ready to scan a picture of Robert (BOO) so you all can see what he looks like.

Yeah Pat love pictures!
The same with me I HAVE to get my nails done on a regular basis.

well, i came to holland to move in with the guy i now broke up with!...i too feel guilty when i spend money on myself. i even feel guilty when others spend money on me! guess that's because i was raised in a poor family. and i still have some self confidence issues...but i'm learning to feel good about spending some time and money on myself :)

That's how I am, I don't like asking for money unless I'm DESPERATE. I grew up in a poor family too.

big family too? I have 5 brothers and 2 sisters, and only my dad was working. and him being an alcoholist also means a lot of money went to beer...the first time (i remember) i got something new to wear, not something second hand, was when i was 17 and had saved some money for a few months...

I love this man! I cannot wait until he comes home to me in Feb. 2003!

Well I posted his picture...let me know what you think! (smile)

where can I see it?

Pat, where did you post it?

My family isn't very big on my mom's side but on my dad's side it's HUGE. I have a brother and sister on my mom's side and two half brothers and a stepsister on my dad's side. My mom has always been a single mom.

I couldnt attach it to this thread so i started a new one.

wow! Boo sure looks good! ;) you better hold on to him reaaal good...nah just joking Pat! :) but he does look good! gues I just have this thing for black men?

Thats my baby! The love we have overrides all that is physical,....but it does help that he is fine as hell! LOL

I dont want to ask what he is doing! LOL

hahahaha I feel you on that one. I have the same thing with Darrell too. I already liked his inside...then I got a picture of him...man, I fell of my chair LOL...he's posted here too somewhere, I think under my intro

THat is a terrible habit that he has! LOL...but it sure made for a sexy picture! LOL

LOL @ Kristen

Yeah he is something, nice body.

I will be looking for that Soraya!

kristen, I thought the same thing LOL

I saw his picture Soraya...nice looking! We know how to pic em huh? LOL

lol...indeed! guess we have the same taste of men? I have some baby pics of Darrell I will try to post...he was soooo cute.still is and always will be ;)

Very nice Pat!!
I think I am going to have to post a pic of EJ! It's a mugshot, but he has his little Devil smirk in it that I LOVE!!

Diona

I vote in favor of posting the picture hehehe

Oh yes! please post it!

Well I tried like 3 times to post EJ's pic, but I got a message saying it's too big. I have NO clue how to make is smaller...any suggestions on how to do it so I can post it for you guys would be greatly appreciated.

Diona

THat happend to me too...open the file and crop it.

eu...no computer wizard here...but you could try to email it to David and he'll make it smaller....normaly when you scan it, you should put the scanner on 'picture for internet' and it should make it smaller automatically

Ok ladies...I posted the pic of EJ!! I guess I should now send out a pic of myself as well, huh? When I get a GOOD 1 I will post if for you guys as well!

Diona

That's what I had to do, put it in a picture program and send it to the internet and it lowers the resolution and everything.

Well I guess the only thing I am going to have this weekend is to look at the pic I posted of EJ instead of seeing him, looking into his beautiful eyes & being SOO HAPPY for the time that we can be together.
I was supposed to go to see him this weekend, but I called down to the facility & they are on lockdown & have been since this Monday (now I know why he hasn't called). I haven't seen him since Sept. of last year & it looks like I won't be able to see him now.
I am SOO SAD right now...money issues this month (this month only) were ok enough for me to travel the 5 hours & get a hotel to see him both on Sat. & Sun.. I don't know if I will be ok after this weekend to be able to travel to see him later on.
Hope, pray, cross fingers & toes that when I call Friday night that they are off of lockdown & I CAN go to see my baby!!

Diona

This forum is for Introductions Only. Please use a forum such as Men & Boyfriends in Prison.

Thanks,
David

I'm moving this thread to the above mentioned forum. I'll leave a re-direct link in Intro's

The other option is to post your pictures under your original Introduction. Not as an idividual post in that forum.

Sorry about that, I didnt know.

Pat

Hey ladies.... it is great to see everyone's men!! I have to agree we all have some great taste!!! :)
(of course I know that we all agree OURS is the cutest of all!!)

YOU DO HAVE A NICE LOOKING MAN AND THAT IS A BAD HABBIT TO.

NICE PIC

Was that taken in prison? How did you get it? How do you all get pictures of your men in prison??

Great picture!

That picture was taken in prison. Once a month the inmates are allowed to take pictures to send to their loved ones...they are $2 a piece and he usually takes about 4 to send to me. Also when I visit him, we are allowed to take pictures together as well.

This was taken the last time I saw him (JULY) :( ...I will be going up to NY to see him in the next few months though :D

great picture, you two look like a really nice couple! sweet as sugar :D

Thank you....he's not going to recognize me now though, since I have lost 20 pounds and grown my hair out! LOL

wow!! he'll be sitting there, looking for you...and he might send you away when you want to give him a kiss, thinking you're somebody else LOL

LOL, not if he knows whats good for him! I have given him some forewarning though! He wants me to send him some pictures, but I want him to be surprised!

and what a surprise it'll be!!!! I hope you'll take pics again then!

Oh I will definitely! Have a great day!

You 2 look so good together!
I hope that when I visit EJ that we will be able to have a pic of us together. The only 1 I have is the mugshot I posted yesterday.

Diona

Thanks Diona,

Hearing that just puts a big smile on my face! I always thought it to myself, but hearing it from others just confirms what I was thinking! Thanks again.

I hope you and EJ are able to take a pic together as well. Nothing is better than looking at it from time to time and just thinking back on your visits and all that they mean to you. I know it helps me out to be able to look at him.

Yeah I hear ya on that 1!! I just hope that I AM able to see EJ this weekend as planned. The facility is on lockdown as of this past Monday & they don't know yet when it will be lifted.

I had this weekend planned out for 2 months & now I might not be able to see him! I haven't seen that man since Sept. of last year!! Keep some good thoughts going for EJ & I, ok?

Diona

You will definitely be in my prayers. That really sucks. I hope you havent had your hopes up for all this time for nothing. But keep your faith, miracles do happen!

You guys look nice Pat.

your right he is not going to recognize you.. you do look really good together.

Thanks a lot you guys...you made my day! Have a wonderful weekend!

Pat

You have a great weekend as well Pat!

Diona

GEMINI:

THIS IS A GREAT PICTURE.... BOY, IF YOU HAVE LOST ALL THAT WEIGHT, HE REALLY WON'T KNOW YOU, BUT I BET HE SQUEEZES YOU TO DEATH.....

MY PRAAYERS AND LOVE TO YOU... WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO VISIT?


LOVE YA
DONNA

OK I am sooooo late on this one! WElcome to PTO PAt from reading all thses posts-you seem like a beautiful person...you two make a cute couple and I hope you have a wonderful life together when he comes home! Girl what did you do to lose your wieght? I have a lil "baby" fat left from my last son that I would like to lose..lol! welcome again and I look foward to getting to know you better!