THERE IS NOT A SPECIFIC HURT THAT GOES WITH HAVING A FAMILY MEMBER IN PRISON NEITHER CHILD OR SPOUSE. IT IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR A PARENT TO THIS EXTENT.

A PARENT BLAMES THEMSELVES FOR THE PROBLEMS OF THE CHILD. I DON'T THINK I HAVE EVER SEEN A PARENT THAT DOES NOT DO THAT. EVEN IF THEY DON'T HAVE TO GO TO PRISON BUT DO STUPID THINGS ON THE OUTSIDE, WE ALL STILL BLAME OUR PARENTING SKILLS FOR CAUSING THE PROBLEM. IF WE DON'T DO IT OUT LOUD, THEN WE DO IT SILENTLY.

ONE THING WE MUST ALL REMEMBER. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT. WE ARE NOT PERFECT PARENTS NOR ARE WE PERFECT PEOPLE. WE MAKE MISTAKES YES. BUT, ONE THING WE CANNOT DO IS BLAME OURSELVES FOR MISTAKES THAT OUR CHILD HAS MADE. THAT CHILD MADE HIS OR HER OWN CHOICES. THEY DECIDED TO TAKE THE ACTION THAT PUT THEM IN PRISON.... IMPROPER CHOICES ARE ALWAYS THERE AND WE ALL HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT CHOICES WE MAKE.

OUR PRISON SYSTEM DOES NOT TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THE FACT THAT WE ARE ALL IMPERFECT AND THE SYSTEM SHOULD BE THERE TO REALLY REHABILITATE US IF WE DO MAKE A SERIOUS MISTAKE. THAT IS NOT REALITY....THE SYSTEM DOES NOTHING......SO..WHEN INMATES ARE RELEASED, INSTEAD OF BEING ABLE TO START THEIR LIVES OVER AND BECOME RESPONSIBLE CITIZENS, THEY ARE FORCED BACK INTO CRIME AGAIN AND SOMETIMES DO A WORSE CRIME THAN AT FIRST.

WE MUST CONTINUE FIGHTING THE SYSTEM. IT MUST BECOME POSSIBLE FOR THE SYSTEM TO EDUCATE INMATES AND TEACH THEM RIGHT FROM WRONG AND HOW TO BECOME BETTER CITIZENS.

WHERE DOES THAT START

WITH US AS PARENTS WHO HAVE CHILDREN THAT HAVE MADE MISTAKES.

DONNA

Donna,
You are very right that you can not take responsibility for other's people's choices, whether it be your child, other family, friend or significant other!! I agree that the system has SOOO many flaws... And offers very little rehabilitation. I tried to take rehabilitation into a prison, and even when DOC does offer "programs", my experience was that they did everything in their power to sabatoge it and work against anyone who tried to make a difference. I also agree that changing things has to start with anyone who knows someone on the inside or comes to know about just how bad things really are!! OK... so basically this entire message is saying that I agree completely... :)

Thanks --- Now we need to see what chances we have and in what areas to help make these changes. I have joined the NC Cure Association. I am hoping to become very involved with them. They are a National Orginazation that works on Reform in the Justice System.

I am going to keep my eyes open for more. I know there also must be some things in Illinois. If you hear of anything national, let me know.

Thanks for your support.

Donna

Thanks so much for your posting. I'm home sick today and just decided to look up support groups for parents of incarcerated children. I share all the feelings you posted. My son has been locked up since 1997 with 3 more years to go. The hardest thing for me to do is remain upbeat and positive in the face of the atrocities I hear about every time I go visit. I also feel that I don't know my son any more since he's been gone so long ... I know the person he used to be, and that he is still that person, but since he was 15 when arrested, is now 20, I know he is also a unique adult individual. One hour every two weeks is not enough time to really get to know the person he is becoming. As a result, I live in the past a lot and cry more. Again ... thanks for being here.
:pissed:

Dear Con Mom

Bless you. 15 is very young to have to go through this situation, but remember one thing, you did not do this....Kids at 15 years old have no fear. Some are more stouborn than others. I now have six Grandchildren. One is 18 and one is 17. The seventeen year old is very stouborn. Her brother, who is 18 is very smart and realizes what can happen to him if he does something wrong. Yes, he makes mistakes but he learns from them..... The 17 year old who is a girl does not. She makes her own choices without wanting or listening to her parents (my oldest son) or her grandparents. The stage she is at right now, she knows it all.....

She is one who will have to learn the hard way....Some people are like that. Your son will come out OK. My son was 25 when he went into prison.... He is almost 37 now. He has learned a very hard lesson. He too was one who was very stouborn and thought he knew it all. He made some wrong decisions. He has turned to GOD with his life and is a very different person now. He also does prison visitations with Children who are on the verge of getting into trouble and has helped them greatly. Stay by your son and keep his spirits up. Love him and comfort him when possible. Yes, Prison is bad. But---it can be dealt with. See if you can get him involved in some sort of schooling. Also, see if they have a Prison Ministry at his Unit.... Faith will get you both through this ordeal. My love and prayers are with you both.

Donna

Have not heard from any of you in awhile... I know there are a few of us Mom's and Dad's out here. Don't be afraid to post your comments no matter how bitter you are or how hurt. If we stay together, we can conquer the world.

Donna

HI donna: my name MARIA AND ON SEPTEMBER 12TH MY ONLY TWO SONS WERE ARRESTED BY THE FBI. THE CHARGES: CONSPIRACY OF SELLING nd distributing 500 grms. of methanphetamines. We moved here from Cancun, Mexico in
1990. They were raised in a catholic environment and family values and i touguht they were wonderful. My life dropped since that day and I have gone through every stage: depression, sadness, guilt, frustration,anger, hate, fear, loneliness, emptyneess, but must importantly: helplesness.
How can I help them? W hat can I do ?, etc. My English is not the best but I do not give up and ask questios and figth with the attorneys, etc.
i've been searching federal books in order to learn more about the system and I just can't. It has been made the way it is so you can't defeat them.
It doesn't matter. I don't give up. I love them too much! !!!
Best regards !!

Maria

Maria-welcome and good luck in your fight! EXPECT A MIRACLE! I will pray for you and your sons!!

Maria:

Welcome to you and your family. Even though I know at this point, you feel violated, the US is the best country you can be in. Our love and prayers go out to you.

Yes, I definately understand the anger, bitterness hatred and disappointment you are going through. There is no love as strong as a Mother's love for her offspring. Even in Animal life, a mother will defend her children at all costs.

Stay strong, Maria. Know that we are here to listen to you. Sometimes we can offer help that can get you through and sometimes we can only listen. I do know this site has been a blessing to me. The people involved are caring and real Human Beings. Keep in touch with us all

Our Love
Donna
e

Maria-We are all here for you!! I can only imagine how it must feel to have your only two sons taken away from you. I think we all here can relate though to all of the feelings you expressed --and to feeling helpless. There are some things we can't change, but many we can. And we can all help each other through our difficult times. There is a wonderful feeling having a reciprocal relationship where we can all be here for each other. Glad you are here Maria. You are in my prayers!

sherri

My heart goes out to all you Moms with sons or daughters in
prison. I have two sons, both are in prison for drug related
crimes.My youngest son has been in and out,but mostly in since he was 15, he's 30 now.I really wish I knew what to say
to make you feel better, but I don't. Just keep the faith and
God bless you all.
Valerie

You cannot imagine how much it means to see the posts and the heartfelt replies to our cries for help. I try very hard to keep my life on an upbeat scale, but sometimes that is real hard to do. I do have my faith and that really has sustained me. It has given me strength to carry on and to help my son through many difficult situations the hardest being his fiancee and he not being able to see each other.

I believe that in some sphere, or some time in the future, our problems will be settled and all truths will come out. Problems will be resolved and each of us will be uplifted.

Thank you ladies, for being Mothers first of all. Second, Thank you for your sincere and willing hearts being able to reach out to others.


My Love
Donna

my only son was direct filed on dec. of last year has been in a youthful offernders prision in fl for about 8 mos. he's now receiving death threats from other inmates for smashing someones nose (who happened to be in a gang) when 3 inmates jumped Him. after 3 requests for pc he is now in pc awaiting investigation.DOES THIS SH*T EVER END?he has 3 mos and 1 year to go. looks like the system is set up so you never see gaintime. I don't know who to believe you see i lost my son to drugs over 2 years ago he can look me straight in the eye and lie to me. I feel SO HELPLESS! I'VE GONE THRU THE CRYING AND BLAMING MYSELF STAGE TO THE ANGRY AT HIM STAGE THE CRYING FOR WHAT HE'S MISSED IN LIFE TO WONDERING WILL HE EVER GET IT RIGHT TO TRYING TO CHANGE MYSELF TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THINGS TO WONDERING HOW IT WILL WORK WHEN HE GETS OUT IF HE MAKES IT OUT OK. I'M SURE WE ALL PRAY SO MUCH WE SHOULD ALL BE SAINTS BY NOW. CAN ANYONE RELATE OR AM I JUST NUTS? AND HOW CAN DADS GIVE UP SO MUCH SOONER THAN MOMS ON THEIR KIDS? HELP ME UNDERSTAND.

Cheryl:

Well, it looks like you have come a long way in the process. Now, your best bet, is to find out everything you can about how you can get your son involved in things within the system that will help him cope with life when he gets out. Try to keep his mind sharpe. Keep him reading and learning.

Also, see if there is someone within the unit he is at that does prison ministries. It should be someone he trusts. This will help build his faith and he will become a stronger person in the long run.

Yes, all of us Mothers are and have been through the same situation you are in. We do understand and know your hurt. Life does not promise us a rose garden. We can learn and become stronger from our challenges.

Men are a different breed. They do not have the patience with children that women have. That is the reason God made Mothers. Mothers love their children unconditionally. They accept them and love them even when they make mistakes. It is a very different feeling to be a mother. This child is so much a part of you that you cannot walk away in any condition.

My prayers are with you. May God Bless and keep you during this time. Keep your faith strong. Some prayers will be answered and some will not. Always remember to say "Your Will Be Done"

My love

Donna

ALRIGHT, I KNOW THERE ARE MORE MOM'S & DAD'S OUT THERE THAN I AM HEARING FROM.....

MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE ARE SO HURT THAT WE CANNOT TELL THAT HURT TO ANYONE. OR MAYBE WE ARE SO ASHAMED THAT WE FEEL WE ARE ALONE AND ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND.


THAT IS WHAT WE ARE ALL ABOUT HERE AT PTO EXPECIALLY IN THIS PARENTS WITH CHILDREN IN PRISON FORUM.

I NEED TO HEAR FROM SOME OF YOU SO THAT I CAN INSURE I AM STILL SANE. AM I THE ONLY PARENT OUT THERE?

DONNA

Budwoman,

what great replies! you are indeed a wise woman. Your words of wisdom are very much the ones I feel....good to know that there is someone else out there who can see the rainbow after the storm.

Oh! no you aren't the only parent here - proud mother of three - one with a tarnished hallo.

Maria,
I am new here. welcome, it's very warm and friendly here.
I know your pain. In 1991, my 3 sons, then 17, & identical
twins 15, were arrested, and later convicted. on the charge of
murder. A forth person, who was a friend, slowly diminished
from the sceen.The prosecution brain washed one of the twins into testifying against his brothers. in return he got 15 years, the other 2 got life without parole. They knew Justin wouldn't go against his brothers on his own so they took a long slow approach to this. They talked to him daily for over a year and a half. Said the same thing over and over to him until finally he was convinced that what they were telling him was true.
I have felt every emotion anyone could possibly feel, to the point of being just numb...
I pray daily for the funds to hire lawyers to help us...
My sons are Jeromy now 28, Jason & Justin now 26.

(((hugs)))
Jan

how low can you go to get a confession huh?

JAN

BLESS YOU HON.... LORD! I THINK I HAVE IT BAD... BUT ALL THREE OF THEM? GOODNESS GIRL, I KNOW THIS IS VERY HARD TO DEAL WITH..... LIFE IN PRISON... ONE BROTHER AGAINST ANOTHER.... ALL THE GUILT THAT MUST GO WITH THAT... ALONG WITH THE ANGER OF THE OTHER TWO. I KNOW THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS IN YOUR MIND AND HEART....

I TOO PRAY FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO GET AN ATTORNEY THAT CAN HELP YOU FILE SOME APPEALS.... THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE. IT DOES NOT SOUND TOO LEGAL THE WAY THEY HARASSED YOU SON TO GIVE STATES EVIDENCE AGAINST THE OTHER TWO... BUT, TACTICS IN THE JUSTICE SYSTEM ARE NOT THE BEST SOMETIMES... YOU GET LAW OFFICERS WHO WANT TO MAKE A PUBLIC NAME FOR THEMSELVES AND DON'T CARE WHO IS HURT.

SOMEDAY, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR YOUR COMPLETE STORY IF YOU HAVE TIME... YOU CAN E-MAIL IT TO ME IF YOU WISH. I TOO HAVE A SON IN PRISON FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS. A VERY GOOD YOUNG MAN WHO HAS A 52 YEAR SENTENCE.... HE HAS LEARNED A LOT AND HAS BEEN ABLE TO CHANGE HIS LIFE. HE HAD A GREAT MANY EXTINUATING CIRCUMSTANSES IN HIS CASE...

GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU MY CHILD.... I HOPE THAT WE CAN ALL GET THROUGH THESE THINGS WITH THE HELP OF THE GREAT MAN.

MY LOVE
DONNA

JAN, REALADY2, AND ALL YOU OTHER MOMS AND DADS OUT THERE, LET US HEAR FROM YOU..... I KNOW WE ALL ARE HURTING. LET'S TRY TO HELP EACH OTHER

MY LOVE
DONNA

Hello to everyone here!

My son just turned 17 years old and waiting for trial. He was certified as an adult when he was 16 years old for aggravated robbery. He too, has been in and out of juvenile detention facilities. This time, he is innocent, but guilty by association. This happened over 15 mos ago and they are still investigating this incident.

I often wonder what I could have done differently to prevent my son from being involved. Or, why did my son have so much trouble fitting in with the non-trouble makers. I try not to blame myself, but it is hard. Maybe if I didn't work so much, none of this would have happened. Maybe there were signs, and I didn't notice or I avoided them. I just don't know. I just want my baby home with me. He is only 17 years old.

There are days when I talk to my son, he's in a better mood, and sometimes, he is so angry, don't want to talk. The other day, he called and didn't talk. He said he just wanted to call, but didn't have anything to talk about. I felt really bad. Hopefully with the investigation, they will find evidence in my son's favor. I will y'all posted. PEACE!

DEAREST CYNDIE

MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU MY CHILD.... OH, HOW I CAN RELATE YOU YOUR FEELINGS..... 12 YEARS AGO, I WENT THROUGH THE VERY SAME IDENTICAL THINGS.... I BLAMED MYSELF, I WAS ANGRY, I BLAMED EVERYONE FOR THE SITUATION.... DURING THAT TIME, I BECAME DIABETIC AND MY HEALTH BECAN TO GO DOWN HILL.... EACH TIME I WOULD GET ONE OF THOSE SAME PHONE CALLS WHEN HE WAS ANGRY OR RUDE TO ME I WOULD GET OFF THE PHONE AND CRY FOR HOURS....

THEN, ONE DAY, I COULD NOT TAKE ANYMORE..... I GOT ON MY KNEES AND PRAYER TO GOD FOR HOURS.... I ASKED HIM WHY? I ASKED HIM FOR HELP, AND IN THE VERY END I DECIDED TO LET GO OF IT ALL AND TURN IT OVER TO GOD FOR HIS HANDLING.... I HAVE REALIZED THAT THIS MOM HAS DONE ALL SHE CAN DO EXCEPT SHOW HIM THAT I LOVE HIM, WHICH I DO EACH AND EVERY DAY....

BUTCH WAS 25 WHEN HE WENT TO PRISON, BUT, HE GOT INTO TROUBLE WHEN HE WAS 17 AND SPENT 2 YEARS IN PRISON THAT TIME....

KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SON AND LET HIM KNOW HOW MUCH HE HURTS YOU WHEN HE DOES THESE THINGS.

EVEN THO, HE IS ONLY 17 YEARS OLD, HE HAS RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE THINGS HE HAS DONE... YOU DID NOT DO THOSE THINGS... YOU DID NOT CAUSE HIM TO DO THEM.... THIS WAS A DECISION THAT HE MADE ALL BY HIMSELF....

I HOPE WITH ALL MY HEART THAT THINGS WILL BE O.K. AND TURN OUT AS YOU HOPE THEY WILL.... ONE THING...GET ON YOUR KNEES NOW AND TURN IT OVER TO GOD... LET HIM CARRY THE BURDEN FOR YOU..

ALL MY LOVE AND PRAYERS
DONNA

Thanks Donna!


I needed to hear that again. I have been praying, and I will continue to do so. My son's hearing is coming up soon and I am terrified. I do believe in miracles and I am hoping one come our way.

My son is doing better today. There are good and bad days. More bad than good lately. I tell him to pray also and hang in there.

Your words are so supportive and kind. I hope I will be as strong as you are. I don't know what I would do without you and the other PTO members. Again, thanks!!

PEACE!

I HAVE FELT A REAL NEED TODAY TO GET ON MY KNEES AND PRAY HARD FOR MY SON, BUTCH..... I HAVE FELT HIS PAIN AND HAVE CARRIED HIS HURT TODAY AS ALL MOTHERS DO..... I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW.... THINGS WILL BE O.K. WITH HIM JUST AS I KNOW THEY WILL BE WITH ALL OF US PARENTS. WE ARE A LOT STRONGER THAN MOST GIVE US CREDIT FOR.


MY LOVE AND BEST WISHES TO ALL OF YOU

MY LOVE
DONNA

Donna, you are not praying alone. All here at PTO are included in my prayers. I will admit that it is hard to keep the faith sometimes. But reading the posts here are a great source of strenght to me. I hope it doesn't sound selfish, but it makes it so much easier to bear just knowing I am not alone - NEITHER ARE YOU. An extra prayer session for you and your son tonight.

We're all pulling for you.

Kat

BLESS YOU KAT AND ALL THE OTHERS WHO HAVE STOOD BESIDE ME IN MY TIMES OF WEAKNESS.... I PRAY EACH AND EVERY DAY FOR ALL OF US AND THE UNFAIRNESS WE FACE EACH MINUTE OF EACH DAY.


WE WILL SURVIVE.... WE WILL ALL MAKE GOOD CITIZENS IN THIS COUNTRY... WE WILL BE ABLE TO GIVE LOVE AND SUPPORT TO ALL WHO FIND THEMSELVES IN OUR POSITION AND THERE ARE MORE AND MORE OF US EACH DAY.

IT IS A VERY HARD THING TO DESCRIBE THE PAIN AND HURT THAT ARE CAUSED BY OTHER HUMAN BEINGS WHO REALLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO US...

THEY PROBABLY NEVER WILL, BUT SOMEHOW, WE MUST TRY TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND.

MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU ALL... LETS TURN IT OVER TO GOD RIGHT NOW.... HE WILL HOLD ALL OF US UP.


MY LOVE
DONNA

Maria hola, Hello Everyone.......My prayers are with you i too have a son in he was 17 at the time i think all of us go through the same pain i am still dealing with all this drama we must stay strong and keep our faith, thats what keeps most of us going..i will keep you in my prayers so long good luck

Originally posted by JER
Maria hola, Hello Everyone.......My prayers are with you i too have a son in he was 17 at the time i think all of us go through the same pain i am still dealing with all this drama we must stay strong and keep our faith, thats what keeps most of us going..i will keep you in my prayers so long good luck

Good, bad or WHATEVER we're in this mess together. We WILL all get through this (hopefully with minimal scarring).

HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!

You're all in my daily prayers.
Hang in there!

Hello friends,

Thank god we have a place where we can talk and get acceptance and not condemnation. Support and advice and people who really seem to care.

So many feelings we have inside us... I have guilt feelings that make me feel bad. I am at times ashamed of my son which ads to the guilt. I am so angry at him sometimes I could just grab him and shake the hell out of him, and other times I just feel so bad for him..

A mother's love though runs so deep, and who could understand this but another mother, another parent.

Then you have your real world friends they always ask "How is your son doing" then when you start to talk about it. They look so uncomfortable, you know they don't want to hear about it, they are just asking out of a sense of obligation or something like that, but they don't really want to know.

I just keep trying to be positive... but its hard, you have all helped me tremendously..

I would be happy to chat with anyone at anytime.

My yahoo messanger is midnightsnowdancer and my msn is midnightsnowdancer@hotmail.com

Hugs to you all,

Jodi

Hi Jodi!

You hit the nail right on the head! I love this site. We all can relate. This site is so supportive and I will continue to visit even after my son comes home. Take Care! PEACE!

JODI:
GOD BLESS YOU SWEETHEART..... YES, I TOO HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE AT..... IT IS SO VERY HARD TO GO THROUGH THIS SITUATION WITHOUT SCARS FOR FAMILIES. THAT IS WHY THIS WEB SITE AND FORUMS HAVE BEEN SUCH A GREAT THING FOR ALL OF US HERE.... WE HAVE BECOME FAMILY AND THIS MEANS A GREAT DEAL..

SEND ME MAIL AND I WILL TELL YOU MY STORY... OF COURSE, IT IS PLASTERED ALL OVER THIS SITE, BUT IT IS IN SO MANY PLACES THAT IT IS HARD TO PUT TOGETHER.


MY LOVE AND PRAYERS TO YOU
DONNA

Oh dear...

While I was sitting around feeling bad about my situation, it just occurred to me how much worse, better say unbearable it would be if I was in your shoes. I admire your guys's strength to go through this!

My heart goes out to all of you moms!

Love,


Tanya

TANYA

THANKS HONEY, BUT NO SITUATIN IS WORSE THAN ANOTHER..... I HAVE FOUND MUCH COMFORT HERE IN THIS SITE AND I HAVE ALSO MET SOME WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN PRISON VISITATION LINES DURING THE LAST 12 YEARS.... I SEE THE HURT OF ALL OF THEM... I KNOW THE PAIN.... MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP THEM ALL.

MY LOVE DONNA

SNOWDANCER

OH, HON, HOW MUCH I HAVE FELT THE SAME THINGS YOU FEEL.... SOMETIMES I WANT TO JUST TAKE MY HANDS AND SHAKE BUTCH TILL HIS FACE TURNS RED. BUT, AS HE REMINDS ME, HE IS NOW A MAN. WAS 25 WHEN HE WENT IN AND IS 37 NOW.... WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU PRAY, PRAY, PRAY... IT WORKS.

MY LOVE
DONNA

Hi all,
Well it is just one of those days, weeks and months. Seems like the longer my son is gone the more depressed I get. He took a plea bargain and got a lesser sentance. Not because he was guilty, but because they switched Public Defenders in mid stream on him and the new one did not do anything for my son, he was told to get a plea at any cost. He testified at a post conviction hearing over a year ago to this. The judge has had the paper work for six months and he has not made any ruling on this yet. My sons attorneys tell us that a judge has no time limit on makeing a ruling on a post conviction. The judge made mistakes at the sentencing so I think he is protecting his own hide. My sons attorneys do not understand why he is doing this either, unles he is just doing this for spite because they pointed out his mistakes. Lord it looks like the law would apply to judges also.I just don't understand the law. And my son is the one that is paying the price for the judges mistakes.
Thanks for listening. God Bless all of the moms and dads that are going through the pain of having a child in prison.
MJ

GOD BLESS YOU MJ

ONE GOOD THING, THE MISTAKES THE JUDGE MADE WILL ALLOW A GOOD APPEAL... YOUR SON WILL HAVE TO FILE THE APPEAL HIMSELF. IN MICROSOFT WORD, THERE ARE PROGRAMS THAT HELP YOU DO LEGAL PAPERS. GET YOUR SON AND YOU TOO LOOK AT HIS TRANSCRIPT. COVER ALL THE AREAS THE JUDGE MADE MISTAKES IN THE APPEAL... WHEN IT GOES TO COURT, ASK FOR ANOTHER COURT APPOINTED ATTORNEY. THERE ARE SOME GOODS ONES TOO. FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE.. IT WILL TAKE A LITTLE WORK, BUT MISTAKES ARE HOW A LOT OF PEOPLE GET NEW TRIALS. GO FOR IT GIRL.

I KNOW YOUR HURT, BUT YOU MUST STAY AS STRONG AS POSSIBLE IN ORDER TO HELP YOUR SON.

MY LOVE
DONNA

Dear Donna,
Thank you for the encourageing words, I just can't tell you how much this sight means to me. I know everyone that has a child or loved one in the prison system feels this way from time to time. I know that we have to keep keeping on.
My son did file an appeal, we mortaged our home to pay for attorneys for him. They are vary good. But it has been over a year since the appeal hearing. This hearing was for the judge to listen to the evidence against the state where they just plain screwed up. When the hearing was over the judge gave our sons attorneys 45 days to turn their brief into the state and he gave the state 45 days to reply. Which by the way the sate took 145 days. Well the state replied in Feb. of this year. All briefs were turned into the judge, what we are waiting on now is a ruleing from the judge to see if my son gets a trial. He waivered the right to a trial when he signed the plea bargain. But the public defender told in open court at the hearing that he was forced to get the plea. The Distric Attorney was going to Hawaii on vacation. And he wanted 80 cases pleaed. In other words the attorney was told that if he did not get pleas he would be with out a job. The attorneys we hired for our son just can't believe how the judicial aystem is working here in our county. If we had hired an attorney from our area there would most likely not be a problem. But we knew that it takes a special attorney to get any action on a post conviction release. They went to the judge and asked him when he was going to make a ruleing on this case, his responce was he thought the ruleing had already been handed down. The attorneys checked with the court clerk and no ruleing had been sent out. So they caught the judge in a bare face lie.Our understand is that a judge has to make a ruleing before it can be taken to a higher court. But I think the attorneys we hired are just gathering fule for the fire. But at any given rate I am so thankful for the wonderful people here and I know that I am not alone in my feelings and problems. In reading some of the threads I realise that we are all one big family, and it makes me feel good to know that there are so many careing people out here that I can relate to.
God Bless all of them.
MJ

MJ

HONEY, YOUR STORY SOUNDS SO VERY MUCH LIKE MY OWN THAT IT IS SCARY.... KEEP TRYING... DON'T GIVE UP. BUT, ONE CAUTION, KEEP YOUR COOL. MY BIGEST PROBLEM HAS BEEN OVER THE YEARS THAT I CANNOT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT IN CRITICAL SITUATIONS BECAUSE I SEE JUST HOW STUPID OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM IS. SOOOOO, I MAKE THEM MAD AT ME AND THEN THINGS GO EVER SO MUCH WORSE... DON'T MAKE THAT MISTAKE. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING USE THE KINDNESS AND GO IN THAT DIRECTION.

MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU
DONNA

Dear Donna.
Thank you for the words of wisdom. I except all the help and guidance I can get. People like you and the others that post to this sight are vary much a comfort in these trying times.
I will keep my faith and I will be strong, God has a plan for us I am sure. So I will keep praying and maybe soon our prayers will be answered.
Thanks for your strength.
MJ

Donna,

I assure you you are still sane, ever since we have been going through alll of this with my son, life has seemed like a blur. I know that God won't give us anymore than we can handle, but I swear I have been to the edge of the maximum amount several times since March of 2005.
I have finally come to the conclusion that even though I'd like to be there to help him through everything that he's going to, things as far as the correctional system are completely out of my hands. The only thing I can do that I have control of in all this is to let him know his mom and I are here for him, and that no matter what happens, we will be there. I think that going on with your life with as much normalcy as possible is very important for parents in this situation. That is why I think this forum is so awsome, you get to see that you are definately not alone in all this madness, and that there are people that will be there to help you, even if you just need to vent to someone. I thought I was going insane for awhile myself over all this, but know what? I figured out this is all a normal reaction to the stress this situation puts a parent or any other person through. Rest assured you are perfectly sane.

Con's Dad

ANYONE WITH KIDS OR GRAND KIDS SHOULD READ THIS.
This was written by a young girl who was in jail for drug charges, And was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet Profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm. Please keep praying. This thing is worse than any of us realize... :(
I AM METH

I destroy homes, I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town
I live with the rich, I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.
I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child's closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.
I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.
My power is awesome, try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms,
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.
You'll lie to your mother, you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.


This sends shivers down my spine. If my son had not been arrested, I'm sure I would have been attending a funeral. He went from 170# to about 115# in about 6 months. I hope this poem might be useful to some of you, maybe it will wake somebody you know up.

Con's Dad

Dear Donna,How do we let out our feelings,when we are sad,depressed,have so many other emotional problems.I thought I was a pretty stable person,until I hit 55,then I must have opened up my eyes for the first time,or I am sick,or crazy.
One min. I am mad as hell at my son,when the phone rings I tense up,wondering well,does he want more money for his canteen or is it the prison calling me to tell me something is wrong.Then you have a so called mother who is so narssistic(excuse spelling)trying to lay the guilt trip on you because you have not seen her.Why should I,Has she gone to see her youngest grandson,does she send cards to herother twor grandsons,does she even remember she has ONE beautiful 13year old great grandaughter.NO.
I am so tired of feeling good one day and feeling like I can't make it the next day.
Then you have all the pain in your body from physical illnessess.Boy aren't I in great shape!!!
I do have some good days,and I pray a lot.Thank God for my God in Heaven,I don't know what I would do,and you girls here have really helped me a lot,I guess IAM having a Bad DAY

i'm getting through it by venting. crying, avoiding people, and the days i feel like i can cope, i don't vent, i don't cry, and i will see certain ppl i'm comfortable with....but i never know ahead of time what day i'm going to be a basket case and what day i can function....i'm just going with the flow and not stuffing my feelings about it....and relying on my faith in God more, to lead me through it all, and there are days i not only have to take it one day at a time, but one sec at a time, and sometimes i find a tv show or a book that might hold my concentration longer than a gnats..........it's those things that trigger all the emotions that bring it all back, and having to start over again with dealing with it, and letting myself know this is going to take time, and having the patience to wait, and learning the word acceptance.......and i have to work on that everyday until it becomes easier, and all this is so much easier said than done, and there are some days i'm just not up to the challenge, but i try in just the fact of getting at least one thing done thru out the day, even if it's just wiping out the sink for the day, or replacing the roll of toilet paper nobody but me seems to do......some days are just small steps like that

How do all us parents cope? Is this a trick question. HAHA. Let's see I haven't been on to post much of anything this past oh say six months or so. I moved close to Portland still in Washington and had a hard time adjusting. :angry: My MS is acting up terribly :angry: and I hadn't heard from my son other than letters since last November which was a 5 minute prepaid phone call from the prison. My son is serving a six year prison sentence in Colorado for robbery with a bb gun.
:) I have recently been in contact with him since he thinks now he has a mom cause I didn't write him for about three months. :rolleyes: Maybe this has gotten his attention and maybe he should not take me for granted. :rolleyes: He did stay in touch with his girlfriend for the last year and and I knew that she would not stay with him. I was sending him 60.00 a month and never once for the entire year did he ever call me since he was sentenced in April 2004. not once:mad: So now that she broke up with him I didn't write him for a reason (to get his attention) and it did pay off, now he is calling me once a week and this was on him. It has been very nice hearing from him and the the damn calls are so darn short they go very fast anyway.... I have really bad days:eek: :eek: and still don't know how I will go on each day and now that my daughter is now on her way to prison:angry: :angry: I wish I did not have to get out of bed somedays and now my 12 year old is starting to act out and do bad things ... I don't want to get out of bed and wish I didn't have to. I been very successful in getting away from the bad relationship I was in and now is going on a almost two years. (Good Job for me, but, it has not been easy)
My daughter has gotten into meth very bad and I recently found out she started shooting this drug in her arm she had been telling me that she was only selling it and this was the reason that she is on her way. Priscilla was caught with a ounce of meth and a ounce of cocaine and is in very big trouble and don't think she is done, I guess for her or I say for me that her being incarcerated she is not on the drugs,or dead, she is not on drugs, while she is in the jail awaiting sentencing. So do I count my blessings or do I believe her letter she just wrote me saying she is now admitting she is a addict and the only person that can help her is God however... the problem is I don't believe her I can't believe my daughter has turned this way I am in a complete nite mare and swear I want to wake up from this horrible dream and wish I could just wake up and that is all this is just on big nite mare.
MORE BAD NEWS !!!!My son when we talked to me tonite shared the good news of him trying to break up a fight in the prison and now has no front teeth and DOC won't let him get a spacer so his teeth won't get misaligned. Due to his crime being one of violence has to serve the entire sentence so he has three more years to go with no front teeth and he is 21 yo how do you deal with no front teeth and try to have a good day. I am so sick and should be thankful he is just alive however as every other parent I wonder will he come out, will he come out alive, and will he be normal, and what will he face when comes out. I get sick thinking I have to go through this all again with my daughter, I am thankful that my son is trying hard to have restoration for what he has done he has not had a write up since he has been in and that is a good thing for him and he is in the faith based pod and trusting God for his life and that is all I can do too but it never goes away not the pain not the lonely days you miss them and then the holidays are here, the birthdays it is so lonely and painful and they disappoint you so bad yet we as parents are instructed by God to love them and that is all we can do as parents God choose each one of us as parents to parent our children and one day it will pay off(i hope) we just have to have faith and go through the painful days of seeing our children hurt themselves.:confused:

:thumbsup: I thank the Good LORD we have prison talk to vent and HOLLLLER cause that is what I feel that I am doing here today as tears stream down my face and pain rips my heart and the pain seems as if it won't stop we have to have faith. Sorry this was so lengthy and long but it has been a while I will be going to Denver where my daughter will be sentenced on December 8th so please keep us in your prayers. Thanks for listening and letting me vent you know now you are not alone at all.

brokenheart,I am so sorry and my heart goes out to you.Lets try to keep our chin up.We can survive all this,I know it.

Brokenheart you are definitely in my prayers.

Brokenheart and all the other parents here, you have all brought much insight to me. The poem by Cons Dad, unbelieveably so true. My son is doing a 5 year sentence here in Ca. Everything I read is mirroring my feelings, thoughts etc. The overwhelming guilt and all the should of's going through my mind. I tell myself I did the best I could and he is 21 now. Old enough to know right from wrong. I wish I had been more picky about his friends, made him do more sports and I could go on and on. One thing I do feel different about is realizing that all prison inmates have families who love them and are hurting too. I guess you dont realize that until you are in that situation. I wonder how many of us have children in prison due to drugs? I think I will send that poem to my son. I wonder how he will take it. He never has admitted his problem. Doesnt he see that he wouldnt be there if he didnt take something that didnt belong to him. Just to get drugs!! You are all wonderful and helpful even if you dont know it. Thank you to all for making me feel less alone. Laura

Hello,
You are not alone,i've gotten over blameing myself when he said Mom its not your fault.I tried everything then he went from being a addict to being a user and then a dealer to support his habit.He now is facing 3 years and he sounds so much better where he is and hes drug free more like the little boy I remember than the middle aged man they sent to prison.I pray each nite for God to keep him safe.Prayer and family have gotten me this far.He will get you through this. A mom

I hope we all get through these Hollidays without too much stress.This will be my second year that my son is gone.I have many many more to go as some of you know.My biggest worry is will I be alive when my son gets out,I am 57 now,if he has to serve all his time I will be very old,if not dead.I wonder where he will go,where will he live,without any help.His siblings will not do anything for him,so what will happen.I keep telling my husband we need to get a will going so we can leave him the house at least.There is so much to think about.
Then there are some days I resent him so bad for putting us through all this.This is the time in my husbands and my life we should be enjoying our later years.The other boys are grown and living there own lives,what happed to the young one.
When the phone rings and I think oh Lord don't let anything be wrong with him and then sometimes it rings and I say,how much money does he want now.
Oh,I can't belive I have rattled on so,sorry.
Bless you all and have a wonderful Xmas.

Dianne, Don't be sorry for going on,that's what we're here for. I've had many of the same thoughts myself. Your not alone in your thinking. Live your life and TRY to enjoy it. I know it's hard.

I'm new at this and I'm not sure how to post, so this is a test.

is this forum still alive.

It's alive again. Looking at page 1, it started in 2002. But, in Nov of 2005 Con's Dad picked it up again. I usually look at the dates of the last few posting; sometimes you have to go back a ways to see what post people are responding to.

But, aside from all of that, "Welcome to PTO!" It is an excellent place to share with people who care and understand. You'll find support, prayer and encouragement.

With blessings,

Thank you, I was just writing my son a letter and I thought I would check and see if anyone responded. I am so glad I found this forum. I'm knew at this, meaning I've never been on a forum before so I'm not sure how it works. I have finally come to realize that I can't go through this alone. I mean my family is with me but even though I still feel alone most of the time. I'ts just good to know that there are other parents like me. I never stopped to think about that. I guess I've been so cought up with the feelings of guilt, helplessness and all of the other feelings that come with having a child in prison that I never stopped to think. Anyway, I'm glad you all are here. Thank You so much. My son was locked up 3 years ago. He was only 19 his release date is around March 2018. I worry about him night and day. He was just transferred to Keen Mountain last week and I haven't heard anything from him. He called his Dad when he first got there and said he was in holding for a week while the "process him" plus they had to put the whole prison on lockdown because two men were killed in there last week so he said he wouldn't be able to call again unill Sunday. To say the least I havn't been able to sleep with worry. I just want my boy home so bad. I don't know how families get through this. The Holidays are the hardest for me. I have two other children and a grandchild on the way. I try to be upbeat and uplifting but sometimes I just feel beat down. It's hard to realize that there is nothing I can do to protect my son. I know you all can understand that feeling. What do I do? I cry all the time and I can't remember the last time I smiled and it was real.

Earls Mom

Brandons mom,

I feel your pain. I'm only 40 so I'll be in my 50"s when my son comes home. my biggest fear is will he make it home and if he does will he make it on the outside. My mom is 62 and her health is failing fast. She is afraid that she won't be with us when Earl comes home. He is her first Grandson. My daughter is her her first grandchild and he is the secound. I have a 15 year old boy as well. This is a very trying time for all of us. With Gods help and each other we will get through this together. My prayers are with you please keep us in yours as well.

Earls Mom

Hi Earls MOM.
I have found this to be one of the only places I come on the internet anymore. I don't post alot, but I read, read, read. And it has helped me soooo much. My son doesnt have as much time, but sometimes I think it is never ending, because like all of us, what will happen when he is released? How will he live? How will people treat him? As you know, it just goes on and on and on. Please PM me your sons address so i can add him to my Christmas card list. Best wishes to you and your family.

Hi galgrif

Thank you so much. Earl called me tonight, I was so happy to hear his voice. He sounded upbeat, he is going to take some classes and work on his associates degree. He said its ruff in there. Beyond his imagination. He is at Keen Mountain Correctional Facility. The address is below. My husband (Earls Stepfather) have decided to drive up there for Christmas. I thought about it and thats what I want to do. My other two children understand. He has been locked up for three years no one has ever visited on Christmas day. I'm looking forward to the trip. My husband and I are going to see if we can find a small house or maybe a mobile home thats for sale close by the prison so anyone in the family can just jump in the car and drive and we will have a place to stay.

It has been very hard getting through the holidays but I do feel much better now that I have talked to him and I've made the decision to go up there for Christmas. He's were my heart is right now and I wouldn't be much good here. I will celebrate Christmas Early with the other kids, they are going to waite untill the spring to go. The mountain Roads can be ruff with the snow and ice so I want to check it out before I take them.

Thanks again galgrif, you can give me you sons name and address and I'll write him as well.

Earl Hammonds ID#340947
Keen Mountain Correctional Center
Building# B Cell # 238
State Route 629
P. O. Box 860
Oakwood, VA 24631

Hi all, I talked to my son tonight, It was so good to hear his voice. I've been worried sick since he was transferred to Keen Mountain.. He sounded ok. My husband and I decided to go visit him for christmas, I talked to my other two children tonight about that and they are ok with it. We are going to celebrate Christmas early with them and me and my Husband will leave around the 21st and come back that monday. Earls been locked up for three years now and this is the 3rd place he's been in. The others were just holding places, this is suppose to be his final destination untill his release date in 2019. We have filed a habbies with his case, I ask that all of you pray with us. My friend that is a lawyer and is a retired judge in the city where my son was convicted has read my sons transcripts and he said that Earl did not get a fair trial and he was misrepresented. I now have a copy of his transcripts and I've read through the whole thing. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't at the trial. I wish I was. But I've read the transcript. My son has been telling me the whole time that he did not do this crime. I wanted to believe him but deep down inside I had doubt. My doubt is gone. I do not believe that he did what the charged him with. He has screwed up in the past (big time) but never anything like this just petty stuff, disoradley conduct, fighting, drinking in public. He has said from the start that he did not do this. Charges are Robbery, and use of a firearm they had an abduction charge but they null processed it. I had my doubt but now I know that my son did not do this.
My son wrote this poem a few weeks ago. I hope it touches you as it touches me.
In My Mind
At night, when I lay back i'm no longer in my cell...
In my mind I go everywhere, but most of what I see is hell...
I fly through the sky like an invisible bird...
To check on my freinds, family, and a few things I've heard...
My family is doing good, like I knew that they would...
Most of my freinds are still struggling, not doing to good...
Then I stop by my lil "homies house, and see them wildin out...
I wish they could hear me, I would tell them that this ain't what lifes all about...
But I know they can't, so I just fly off, with tears running silently down my face...
All I can do is hope and pray that they never see this side of the gate...
I stop by a few parties, just for something to do...
Maybe it's me, but they don't look as fun as they used to...
By now it's count time, so I got to get back to my cell...
Where I hold my head high, and make the best out of this living hell...
Earl
Thank You
Earls Mom

Thanks for sharing, Earl's Mom. What a touching poem. Seems your son has a gift in writing.

I will be praying for your son's case and for truth to prevail.

With abundant blessings

We will also be visiting our son on Christmas day. All of our other kids are grown and understand why we want to go. I think its neat that you can purchase a place near by, the visits should go up! I have thought about the very same thing since we have another son who lives in the area anyway. Earls poem is heartfelt, that is the kind of stuff that helps get through the days. I will be thinking about you and your family. I hope it all works out.

Thank You galgrif, I'm looking forward to the trip, just last week I dredding Christmas day, I barley made it through Thanksgiving. Now I cant waite for Christmas Day, I know it doesn't sound like a christmas gift that someone would be looking forward to but this is my Christmas gift. To See my son on that day and spend some time with him. You all have been a God sent and I thank you again for being here. I've told my youngest son about this site. There is a place for sibblings to post. My youngest is 15 and I don't think he realized how angry and hurt he is over his brother. He keeps so much balled up inside and he is very negative about His brother, anytime I try to talk to him about things that may help Earls case or good time or anything like that he kind of blocks it out. He gives in input, most of the time its negative and then he doesn't hear me. Any advise on how to help him.

Thanks
Earls Mom

15 is such a tough age to be. I always worry that the other kids think that I love Nate more than them because I put a lot of energy into him. I just keep telling them, and showing them that is not the case. If there is anything that your youngest is passionate about maybe you could go an extra mile for him? What would he think if you sent him mail like you do Earl? Just a thought....

Oh, Earls Mom...card is ready to go out on Monday.

Take care!

Thank you gal,

I do try to support Steven in the possitive things that he does. He attends church often, plays music,golf and loves diving. I don't write him long letters like I write Earl, that is a good Idea, I'll have to try that. I have been leaving him little notes in his room. Just stuff like I love you, your a great kid now clean your room. I know the the feeling that you described. I often feel like I'm not doing enough with or for the other two children because I am so caught up with Earl. I think they understand that Earl needs me a little more right now. I went over to my daughters house with Steven tonight for a youth christmas party. She is expecting, this will be my first Grandchild. We will find out on monday if its a boy or girl. I just pray he or she is healthy. Thank you for adding Earl to your christmas list. Please send me you sons information and I'll send him something.

Earls Mom

Congratulations! You will have to let us know if it is a boy or a girl! We have 6 grand children and another granddaughter on the way. I don't know about Steven, I will keep thinking about it, but I think you are doing a great job and he will come around. Good luck, I can't wait to hear about the baby!

We are haveing a BOY!!!!!!

He will be spoiled, I promise.

[quote=Earls Mom]Hi galgrif

Thank you so much. Earl called me tonight, I was so happy to hear his voice. He sounded upbeat, he is going to take some classes and work on his associates degree. He said its ruff in there. Beyond his imagination. He is at Keen Mountain Correctional Facility. The address is below. My husband (Earls Stepfather) have decided to drive up there for Christmas. I thought about it and thats what I want to do. My other two children understand. He has been locked up for three years no one has ever visited on Christmas day. I'm looking forward to the trip. My husband and I are going to see if we can find a small house or maybe a mobile home thats for sale close by the prison so anyone in the family can just jump in the car and drive and we will have a place to stay.

It has been very hard getting through the holidays but I do feel much better now that I have talked to him and I've made the decision to go up there for Christmas. He's were my heart is right now and I wouldn't be much good here. I will celebrate Christmas Early with the other kids, they are going to waite untill the spring to go. The mountain Roads can be ruff with the snow and ice so I want to check it out before I take them.

Thanks again galgrif, you can give me you sons name and address and I'll write him as well.

Earls mom, Did I PM you Nates info?
I know that little guy is going to be spoiled ROTTEN! I am very happy for you, grand kids bring another whole new perception to life. Seeing things again thru their little eyes, oh my, I can't even explain it. It is like you never saw the little things before, the learning, the QUESTIONS! You have so much to be proud of. Its going to be a great year afterall!

hi! i am brand new to this site,and new to the prison
system too. my son is 18 and just went in to prison
in september,2005. it is normal to cry alot and go thru
several emotions all at the asme time, right? any suggestions or ways on how to help him live thru this???
thanks!!!

ANGER, SADNESS, FRUSTRATION, ANGER, DISPAIR, ANGER, GUILT..... I know there is more. You mean all those feelings? Yes, it is normal. Oh, I forgot WORRY! When you are a parent, regardless of where they are at in their lives, you worry. Just let him know you love him and write to him, visit if you can. Send me, in a PM, his address, I will send him a Christmas card. Welcome to PTO, most people are understanding and some will become downright friends. But, no matter what, don't blame your self. Be proud of who you are and look toward the future. Best luck to you, I will be thinking of you and your family.

Welcome Keebler. Galgrif is right; your love & support will help him get through. I believe prayers can help everyone involved. There is a prayer circle forum where you can post his name, and people will add him to their prayer list. I would also gladly send him a Christmas card if you PM me his address.

PTO should be a great help for you. You will find not only help, but encouragement from others who understand and care.

With blessings and prayers,

Welcome to PTO Keebler, Yes it is normal, I found this site/forum on December the 8th, three years after my son was sent away. I felt like I was loosing my mind. I had fallen into a deep depression and didn't know where to turn. I found this site by surfing. I knew there had to be others out there just like me. It is December the 20th now and I can tell you that I feel so much better now. I feel like I have a new family. Everyone I have talked to and all of the stories I have read and all of the things I have learned on this site have helped me so much. You will find support and love here. Untill I found this site I felt like I was on an Island of my own and now I know that I have a lot freinds and family that are here for me and my son. I know its tuff what you are going through. My son was only 19 when they took him away from us. Just know that we are here for you. Welcome to our family.
Theresa
aka
Earls mom

hi! i am brand new to this site,and new to the prison
system too. my son is 18 and just went in to prison
in september,2005. it is normal to cry alot and go thru
several emotions all at the asme time, right? any suggestions or ways on how to help him live thru this???
thanks!!!

Like most of you I feel sad, helpless and most of all heart broken. Two years ago my son Robbed a bank with a few of his buddies. He did not need the money, it was the high he got from being able to walk into one and saying he did it. He actually never thought about getting caught. Amazing. He was in college, educated, an honor roll student. I learned he was also very Nieve and stupid at 19. Doctors call it peer presure, I call it confusing and still two years later I have no answers as to why he did it. We are a good family but I guess we went wrong somewhere along the way. He is the middle child and the only one out of the three kids I have with a big heart. Attention?? He and I have come to terms that maybe he lacked it and now he gets alot of it. All I want is for him to come home. We have only just begun with entering in this so called prison world. I don't know how most of you have coped for all the years you have been in pain. Will I be able to surive the next 5 years? I don't know if I can.
Thank you so much for allowing me to vent. It hurts damn it!!:(

I am very thankful for pto and the support I have found here

THERE IS NOT A SPECIFIC HURT THAT GOES WITH HAVING A FAMILY MEMBER IN PRISON NEITHER CHILD OR SPOUSE. IT IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR A PARENT TO THIS EXTENT.

A PARENT BLAMES THEMSELVES FOR THE PROBLEMS OF THE CHILD. I DON'T THINK I HAVE EVER SEEN A PARENT THAT DOES NOT DO THAT. EVEN IF THEY DON'T HAVE TO GO TO PRISON BUT DO STUPID THINGS ON THE OUTSIDE, WE ALL STILL BLAME OUR PARENTING SKILLS FOR CAUSING THE PROBLEM. IF WE DON'T DO IT OUT LOUD, THEN WE DO IT SILENTLY.

ONE THING WE MUST ALL REMEMBER. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT. WE ARE NOT PERFECT PARENTS NOR ARE WE PERFECT PEOPLE. WE MAKE MISTAKES YES. BUT, ONE THING WE CANNOT DO IS BLAME OURSELVES FOR MISTAKES THAT OUR CHILD HAS MADE. THAT CHILD MADE HIS OR HER OWN CHOICES. THEY DECIDED TO TAKE THE ACTION THAT PUT THEM IN PRISON.... IMPROPER CHOICES ARE ALWAYS THERE AND WE ALL HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT CHOICES WE MAKE.

OUR PRISON SYSTEM DOES NOT TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THE FACT THAT WE ARE ALL IMPERFECT AND THE SYSTEM SHOULD BE THERE TO REALLY REHABILITATE US IF WE DO MAKE A SERIOUS MISTAKE. THAT IS NOT REALITY....THE SYSTEM DOES NOTHING......SO..WHEN INMATES ARE RELEASED, INSTEAD OF BEING ABLE TO START THEIR LIVES OVER AND BECOME RESPONSIBLE CITIZENS, THEY ARE FORCED BACK INTO CRIME AGAIN AND SOMETIMES DO A WORSE CRIME THAN AT FIRST.

WE MUST CONTINUE FIGHTING THE SYSTEM. IT MUST BECOME POSSIBLE FOR THE SYSTEM TO EDUCATE INMATES AND TEACH THEM RIGHT FROM WRONG AND HOW TO BECOME BETTER CITIZENS.

WHERE DOES THAT START

WITH US AS PARENTS WHO HAVE CHILDREN THAT HAVE MADE MISTAKES.

DONNA My name is Jerri and I have a 41 yr. old son in prison in Az. He has done 9 yrs. already and came up for parole in Jan. and still behind bars. He was transferred from Alaska where he was living to Eloy, Az. a private prison. I can't believe what is going on now. He wants to be released to Az. but has to have a place to live, so we came out in our travel trailer and have been here for going into our sixth month, but I'm not sure as they will release him to us because of that. We don't know what to do. The pastor and his wife that has been seeing my son all these years wanted him to stay with them but was turned down. Has to be a family member, and I do understand this but how in the world is a man supposed to get going in a new life with all the restrictions and requirements that they are asking of him? I'm so down right now. I had to tell him yesterday when he called that it wasn't looking good for him to get out. His reply was "mom I'm not giving up." God I pray he doesn't give up. My heart is bleeding and my stomach is sick. Don't these people realize what they are doing to the entire family when they do this? What can I do to help my son? When I do get to visit I don't see the big man of 260 lbs. 6'3, I see the little blond haired baby that would run to me after leaving him with someone. Oh how this is killing me. Interstate transfers must be impossible. My son is behind bars for domectic violience. Got 25 yrs. and has done 9. Yes, you read it right. It's time they let this man out. What do they expect of a man if they keep him locked up so long he won't be able to work?

Jerri, I was surprised to see you post at the bottom of a very old thread. you might want to set your UP to view newer posts.

anywho...May God act in your son's behalf and send him into your welcoming arms soon!

didn't realize the message was so old til after I got done. Thanks and yes, God bless us all.