Ok... WARNING... this is gonna be a long post. I have been without mail from my JD for a few months now (except for 2 letters which he had to hustle to get envelopes to send) because he has had no commissary since being transferred (he is in segregation...) Well, he was to get envelopes on Tuesday so I was so looking forward to being able to hear from him on a regular basis again!! He only gets 2 one-hour-long no-contact visits a month... which I always go to... I last saw him on Saturday morning....
Well today, I get home and get the mail and I have a letter from another inmate at Menard CC (where he is...) This is what is says.....

"I'm a very good friend of Jodell (aka JD) so don't be curious about me writing you at all. This is the only way Jodell can communicate with you at this time. I'm pretty sure that you are aware of what's been going on between Jodell and the staff here over the past few months, well this is the latest chapter in the book. On 5-11-02 JD was moved to a medical gallery for voicing his opinion to the listed names: Capt. W, Lt.Z, Sgt. C, and CO H. From what I have been told by Jodell, he was moved because he spoke up for a guy who was having a seizure and the aforementioned names didn't seem to agree with that, so he is being punished by being placed behind a steel door, and that's just a small fraction of his so-called punishment. His fan was destroyed and all his writing material was confiscated, this is the reason I am writing you now. The Menard vs. Jodell fight is getting out of hand, pretty soon it's going to be dangerous for him to sleep and eat around here. He has to understand it's a no-win situation, you can't fight the fight for everybody. Half of these problems wouldn't exist if he would just focus on what needs to be done to make it out of here. Why would you stand up for somebody that's sitting down, and at the end you are the only one dealing with the repercussions. He talks about you every day, how he can't want to get home and his feelings for you and his family, etc. He can't make it home being a ring leader for a bunch of circus clowns. Like I said, I have been knowing JD since we were little kids and I have never seen him the way he is now. The officers down here don't give a damn about his mental condition and if he doesn't know that by now, he'll soon find out. He don't understand he's not the only one dealing with him being here, oyu and his familyt are dealing with the problems as well. I respect you for the sacrifices that you have mae, and I know JD listens to you more than anybody else, so I know that you'll tell him what's right and do wahtever for him. But he told me to let you know to contact his family and that you all call down here every day. Like I said, it's getting out of hand and that will be the best thing to do."

Now... JD did tell me about this guy... that he knew him from growing up, etc....... I just don't even know how to react. I am angry and frustrated and frightened and don't know what to think or do anymore.........
HELP!!!!!!!

My God! I can feel your emotions through my monitor as I read this!

I'm sure there are other members of this group that could possibly give you a better answer than I. But, I'm not sure who you could contact. Possibly the Chaplain?

I would be worried that writing a letter to JD expressing your concerns and advice, would it make it to him?

We are all here for you emotionally & spiritually. Whatever I can possibly do to help you, PLEASE don't hesitate to let me know.

I'm sorry I can't offer more or better advice. But please know that we are here for you.

JD & U are in our prayers!
Carla

Carla...
Thanks for the quick response!! I AM writing a letter to JD.. the worst I figure that can happen with that is that they can not give it to him, but they have done that to us before (Lord only knows just how many letters I have written that are sitting on some DOC employees desk or in a file somewhere).... I also already wrote a letter back to this guy just telling him thank you for writing the letter he did and for letting me know what's up... and just told him to tell JD that I got the message and will do everything I can to take care of it.... I am still trying to get a hold of his family so I can insist they call tomorrow.... In the meantime I am just trying to pull myself together so I can give JD the strength and encouragement he needs to maintain! Thanks for your thoughts and prayers....... that ALWAYS helps!! :)

You are very welcome! Like I said before if I can do anything to help out, please let me know!

I am glad I made you laugh with the jokes I posted. Lord knows we need some humor in our lives right now!

I am sitting here at the computer writing JD and I just jumped back on to read some more posts, and I literally had just written "All I know is that you STILL need to honor TuPacs wisdom.. And always keep your head up and keep your sense of humor no matter what you have to face!! I am telling you baby.... don't ever let em get your spirit.... because that is what will get you through...."
:) He is a huge fan of TuPac and we both love the song "Smile for me"... I even wrote out the lyrics for him and made him promise me he would sing it to himself every day while he is in seg with no radio.... Don't know if anyone else knows the song, but in the beginning, he says "there's gonna be a lot of stuff you're gonna see in the future that's gonna make it hard to smile... but through whatever you see, through all the rain and the pain, you gotta keep your sense of humor... you gotta be able to smile through all this B***S***..." I try to practice what I preach to him!

Shawna, I'm so sorry to hear about this. It makes me mad too and I don't know JD personally! You know, if I can help with anything, like sending a letter or something, you know where I'm at!

At least he got someone letting you know what's going on. Will you be able tovisit him this Saturday?

No I am not going to see him this weekend... and honestly, the more I think about this whole thing, the more frustrated I get with JD. I mean, don't get me wrong... I love the fact that he is the kind of man that believes in standing up for what is right, but he really needs to learn how to pick his battles and sometimes just mind his own. I feel like he is just creating a really big reputation of being a difficult inmate, which just makes it harder for me or his family to try to do anything. He needs to realize that the system just isn't right and he doesn't have the power to change it, but neither do I or his family!! He is going to have to try to find a way to just do what he has to do, or he is never gonna get out of the hole... and if he keeps going the way he has been... he is going to be lucky if he finishes his time without catching another charge! Don't get me wrong, I love him and I will stand by him, but I feel like I am being punished too!! I don't want to have to go another 2 years without even getting to hug my man!! I don't want to have to go another few years having to drive 14 hours for a 1 hr visit!! You feel me???

JDs...

Honey I am so sorry to hear that JD is encountering more problems by the IDOC!! If you think there is anything AT ALL & I mean it girl that I could do please don't hesitate to ask!! You have been a great friend in listening to me in my long e-mails about missing EJ & such. Now it's my turn to do something for you. At this moment I don't have any ideas.

You are doing the right thing though by writing him w/thos Tupac lyrics. JD needs to know & keep it in his head & heart that he needs to be strong NO MATTER WHAT! Once DOC defeats you, you have no hope at all, you know?

I just read your latest post & I agree w/what you said. Let him know that he needs to take care of JD not everybody else. He does seem like a good stand up guy that wants to be there for others. He needs to see though that he is in a situation that he gets put down for helping others & being the good guy. He needs to be there for him..."Take care of the homefront first!" I totally know what you mean about not being able to hug him & dong all the driving & such for the next couple years.

Take care & I am here for you whenever you need it, ok??
Diona

I'm so sorry to hear about more of your troubles. I understand you completely when you get upset with him about his actions. I can't imagine what it is truly like to be in prison and to have to take all of the bull from staff and other inmates and I know alot of what goes on because of Butch. I think if it was me, I couldn't hang like they do. Butch is the strongest man I have ever known. I don't know how he handles the things that he does.

I will say a prayer for you and your sweetheart. Take care and hang in there.

>>>Take care of the homefront first!"<<<

Best advise for anyone in any situation! If he is BENT to be involved, do it in the back ground.

Apparently he is a person that enjoys evaluating a situation and hunts for answers. But he has to learn not to operate like a BULL in a china closet in pushing his findings. Angry needs to be redirected to positive thinking that put him in control and not the situation and in that, to learn how to manipulate the system as much as possible, and realize there's not much chance for change.

There's not much chance of changing such a person's thinking in reguards to evaluating situations without breaking them. That isn't healthy and the "system" could do that if "HE" doesn't take control of how he operates!

BRAy... I love your analogy of a bull in a china shop... :) I am going to send JD your post!! Thanks for the feedback everyone....

I am sorry to hear there is trouble going on...My first feeling is I am very proud that JD is the type of man who stands up for the right thing--but he must understand that therer is a time that you have to think about your OWN well being other than someone else's..he doesn't have to change the system and really can't while he is inside--he needs to work to get outside those walls and out from under the control of them before he can really make a difference...I think he needs to just FOCUS on you and coming home and kind of block out anything and everything that will delay or prevent that...I am sending my thoughts and prayers to you and JD..and if there is anything I can do..call anyone..write anyone...write JD..whatever you name it you are always there for me ...just say the word! Hang in there!
give me a call if you need anything!

Hey... if anyone is willing to write JD I would appreciate it... Maybe he will hear things better coming from someone beside me or will take heed to the advice if it is reinforced by more than one person.... he just doesn't seem to get that I can't "fix" things for him..... no matter how much I love him.... His contact info:
Jodell Dawson, B67250
Menard Correctional Center
PO Box 711
Menard, IL 62259

I am going ot send him one ok?

Thanks Amelia!! :)

WELL JD
HERE I SIT AND I AM DUMB FOUNDED.. I HAVE TO WONDER WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE YOUR HEAD.. I MEAN COME ON MAN YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT THESE CO'S WANT TO CLOWN ON YOU AND YOU ARE GIVING THEM REASON TO.. COME ON JD I KNOW THAT YOU ARE SMARTER THEN THAT.. SOMETIMES IN LIFE WE HAVE TO DECIDE TO WALK AWAY FROM THINGS AND FIGURE OUT WHICH ONES ARE WORTH THE FIGHT AND THE CONSIQUENCES..

I HONESTLY HAVE TO SAY THAT I AM PRAYIN THAT WILL FOCUS ON YOU FOR A MINUTE AND NOT LET THE OTHER MEN IN THERE HELP CREATE MORE DRAMA FOR YOU.. I WOULD LIKE TO COME TO THAT WEDDING WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.. SO TO DO THAT YOU NEED TO GET OUT.. YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO THINGS OR TO NOT DO THINGS AND RIGHT NOW YOU REALLY NEED TO EXERCISE THAT ABILITY AND MAKE SURE YOU CHOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY.. I WANT TO SEE YOU GET OUT OF SEG AND COME HOME.

I CAN NOT EVEN IMAGINE THE HELL YOUR IN RIGHT NOW BUT I DO KNOW THAT THEY HAVE NO PROBLEM MAKING HELL WORSE SO PLEASE I URGE YOU TO THING OF YOUR BABY AND YOUR FAMILY WHEN YOU ARE QUICK TO HELP OTHERS. I DO COMMEND YOU FOR HELPING BUT IN THE LONG RUN YOU ARE ONLY HURTING YOURSELF. JD THIS IS NOT MENT TO UPSET YOU BUT JUST TO EMPOWER YOU TO REMEMBER YOU HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU TOO. WHERE ARE THESE GUYS WHEN YOU ARE TAPPED OUT AND NEED SOMETHING. THEY GOT YOU THEN?? REMEMBER THAT OK.. WE ALL LOVE YOU OUT HERE AND SO WANT TO MEET YOU.


ps SHAWNA I HOPE THIS DOES NOT UPSET YOU BUT I WANTED TO TELL HIM WHAT I AM FEELING.. HE IS SO CAPABLE AND SMART AND IT FRUSTRATES ME TO NO END TO SE THAT THEY CAN RATTLE HIS CAGE SO MUCH.

TO SHAWNA AND JD

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of foot- prints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Author Unknown

I will write him directly,ok?

Thanks Shortie.... it didn't upset me and I went ahead and printed it out directly from PTO to send him... I appreciate it...
Thanks also Soraya.... It really brings tears to my eyes that you all care this much.... I hope that JD will see he really does have a big extended PTO family here and I hope he will take heed to your wisdom and advice!!

JD.....

LISTEN TO WHAT THE GUYS AND GIRLS HERE ARE TELLING YOU..... THE THING I HAVE TOLD MY SON OVER AND OVER IS THIS.... IF YOU LET THEM, THEY WILL CONQUER YOU.... SOMETIMES THE HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD IS TO TURN YOU BACK AND WALK AWAY FROM A SITUATION YOU KNOW IS WRONG....

SOME OF THESE CO'S DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO KEEP YOU UPSET.... DON'T LET THEM DO THAT..... WALK LIKE A MAN BUT HOLD YOURSELF.... REALIZE THAT YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THEY ARE....

GOD BLESS YOU SON..... KEEP SHAWNA IN YOUR MIND AT ALL TIMES AND REALIZE SHE IS BEING HURT TOO...


MY PRAYERS
DONNA

shawna you know that i already have wrote to JD. I get so pissed off when they do this. Regardless of the reason you do not need to treat an inmate like a piece of meat that has not emotions or feelings. they wonder why they are so bad in there. they are turning men and women that made some mistakes or bad choices into animals that are worse now then when they entered into the system.. the coruption and stall tactics that prisons use as punishment to inmates create problems instead of fixing them.. it is not benifical by any means to lock someone in a cage with no cloths or any reasonalble means of sleeping arrangements and exspect them to respond well to you. Come on who would exspect a postive responce from that kind of experience?? It just pisses me off that they even have the mantality that it is helpful.. HELL NO IT IS HARMFUL in many ways..

I feel you Shortie.... I really do.... It is so hard to tell him to "maintain" when he is facing another TWO YEARS in segregation.... AND.... he STILL isn't getting his meds....
I really feel like they are just setting him up... but even if that is true, he can't take the bait, or he will NEVER get home to me!! I basically told him that his heart is mine, but the reality is that his a$$ belongs to IDOC for now... so no matter how wrong things may be he is just going to have to try his best to work WITH the system for now, because he just isn't ever going to win trying to fight against it!!

YOU ARE RIGHT WITH THAT. BUT I AM TRYING TO FIND SOME INFO OUT ON COURT CASES REGARDING THE SYSTEM NOT GIVING MEDS AND ALSO ABOUT THE CONDITIONS HE IS FACING.. IT IS UNHUMAN AND I KNOW THAT THERE IS SOME LAW CASES OUT THERE THAT COULD HELP US IN THIS BATTLE.. I WILL DO ALL THAT I CAN AND DIG THEM UP THEN WE NEED TO FIND AN ATTORNEY WHO IS NOT AFRAID OF THE DOC. TRUST ME THEY DO EXSIST.. STAY POSITIVE AND WE WILL GET JD THE HELP HE NEEDS.

IT MAY NOT HAPPEN OVER NIGHT BUT IT WILL HAPPEN YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT.. I AM SO MAD AND WHEN I GET MAD I GET EVEN.. HIT THEM WHERE IT HURTS THE POCKETBOOK.. TRUST ME THEY WILL LISTEN THEN..

Shortie... You have been so much help already I don't know how I could EVER thank you enough.... You have no idea how much it helps me get through each day... Thanks hon!!

You are more then welcome.. you have helped me too. One day I am going to come up there and let you meet the man you helped free.. You have helped me relize that there is still hope in people and not to give up.. I will always fight but there for a minute I sure wanted to not fight anymore.. Now i am mad as a hornet and ready to do what it takes again.

thanks for helping light the fight flame in me again.. love ya girl...

I will also keep my eyes open on things that might help. Since I've been here, I've met wonderful people who are willing to help each other, unconditional, that's truly amazing!

JD

HI, I AM SHERRI, ONE OF THE MANY PEOPLE HERE AT PTO THAT CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU AND SHAWNA. ALTHOUGH I HAVE NEVER MET YOU FACE TO FACE, I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH ABOUT YOU THAT I KNOW YOU ARE ONE HELL OF A MAN, AND I KNOW HOW MUCH SHAWNA LOVES YOU,AND THERE IS STRENGTH AND POWER IN THAT LOVE.

WHEN I READ SHAWNA'S POSTS ABOUT THE PROBLEMS YOU ARE HAVING WITH THE CO'S AND TRYING TO HELP OUT OTHER INMATES IFEEL FOR YOU.I KNOW I CANNOT POSSIBLY HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT YOU FACE THERE ON A DAILY BASIS. BUT I DO KNOW, FROM MY EXPERIENCES ND CONVERSATIONS WITH MY RON WHO IS PRISON HERE IN NORTH CAROLINA, THAT MANY GUARDS WILL DO WHATEVER THEY CAN TO MESS WITH YOU, PROVOKE YOU, WITH THE GOAL BEING TO "BREAK YOU." I KNOW YOU ARE A STRONG MAN WITH A LOT OF PRIDE AND PRINCIPLES AND IT TAKES A LOT TO BITE YOUR TONGUE AND ENDURE THAT SH**. BUT REMEMBER YOU ARE BIGGER AND BETTER THAN ANYTHING THEY CAN DISH OUT, AND STANDING YOUR GROUND SILENT WITHOUT ALLOWING THEM TO PUSH YOUR LIMIT ONLY SHOWS THEM JUST HOW STRONG YOU ARE AND WHAT YOUR STAMINA IS. WHEN THEY DETERMINE THEY CAN'T PROVOKE YOU, THEY WILL MOVE ON TO SOMEONE WHO IS MORE VULNERABLE. DON'T LET THEM GET THE BEST OF YOU. STAY STRONG IN MIND. THEY CAN'T TOUCH YOU THERE, UNLESS YOU LET THEM.

I KNOW YOU WANT TO COME HOME; I KNOW SHAWNA WANTS YOU HOME AND YOUR FAMILY WANTS YOU HOME. FOCUS ON COMING HOME AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THAT DAY HAPPEN AS SOON AS IT POSSIBLY CAN. DON'T LET THEM TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU, WHEN PEOPLE MAKE YOU ANGRY, IT IS NATURAL TO WANT TO RETALIATE WITH WORDS AND ACTIONS-VERBALLY, PHYSICALLY--BUT THE SMART THING IS TO USE YOUR HEAD--USUALLY IT IS NOT WORTH IT TO GO THERE. BE STRONGER THAN THAT.

AND I THINK IT IS GREAT THAT YOU WANT TO STAND UP FOR OTHERS THERE WHO ARE BEING TREATED WRONG-BUT YOU CANNOT DO THAT TO YOUR OWN DETRIMENT. YOU CANNOT BE ONE MAN TO FIGHT AGAINST AN ENTIRE ARMY. MAYBE YOU COULD TALK WITH THEM AND HELP EMPOWER THEM TO STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES WHEN APPROPRIATE, AND TO BACK DOWN WHEN IT JUST NOT WORTH IT. AND I KNOW, YOU KNOW SOMETIMES IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT.

JD I AM NOT JUST TRYING TO WRITE YOU A BUNCH OF BS-A LOT OF WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU ARE THINGS I HAVE TOLD RON . I KNOW HOW BADLY SHAWNA AND YOUR FAMILY WANT YOU OUT HERE WITH THEM, BECAUSE THAT IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT RON. SOMETIMES I BASICALLY PLEAD WITH HIM TO THINK ABOUT THAT WHILE HE IS MAKING CHOICES ON THE INSIDE.

I COULDN'T BE MORE REAL THAN WHEN I SAY I WANT YOU AND SHAWNA, ME AND RON, EVRYONE HERE TO GET PAST THIS STAGE AND MOVE ON TO A LIFE OF HAPPINESS TOGETHER WITH THOUGHTS OF PRISON WALLS LEFT BEHIND IN THE DISTANT PAST. YOU CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN JD, AND I KNOW IT IS WORTH IT TO YOU.

HOLD ON-BE STRONG

MUCH LOVE

SHERRI

Thanks Sherri... I printed it out this morning and am sending it off to JD...

youre welcome-you know my thoughts are always the best for both of you-i luv ya!

JD

HERE IS ANOTHER NOTE FROM THE OLD WOMAN IN THE FAMILY.... I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER ONE THING... THE POWER YOU HAVE OVER THEM IS YOUR MIND....

DON'T KNOW IF SHORTIE TOLD YOU OR NOT, BUT MY SON'S FIANCEE WAS WRITTEN TO BY MY SON'S CASE WORKER AND SHE WAS TOLD SHE COULD NOT WRITE TO HIM AGAIN.. I CALLED HER... SHE WENT TO HER SUPERINTENDENT AND FOUND OUT THAT SHE COULD NOT STOP WRITTEN COMMUNICATIONS BETWEEN THE TWO. BOY, WAS SHE EVER APOLOGETIC....

WE COULD HAVE HAD A MAJOR SITUATION... I KNOW HOW BUTCH WOULD USUALLY REACT TO THIS TYPE SITUATION. BUT, HE REALIZED JUST HOW STUPID THIS WAS. SO, HE DID NOTHING. HE WON..... THEY WERE EXPECTING HIS TO BLOW SKY HIGH. I EVEN WAS... BUT HE DID NOT DO WHAT THEY EXPECTED SO HE WON...

NOW SHE CAN WRITE HIM. KEEP YOUR COOL BIG MAN.... YOU WILL BE FINE..... JUST KEEP YOUR COOL.


MY LOVE
DONNA