I've been thinking of becomming a DR penpal recently (if anyone wants me), because most of the friends whose hubby's I write to from PTO will be coming home within the next 18 months or so. I've talked to Ray about it and he is ok with it (if he wasnt, I wouldnt do it, he is my priority), but both of us agree that a couple of things need to be in consideration for people I approach;

1) as Ray is in Texas, we'd feel more comfortable with someone in another state.
2) I dont want to get sucked into fighting someone else's battle for freedom.

Many of the penpal adds I've seen on other web sites are usually accompanied by an appeal for help in fighting their case, and while I really do sympathise with all of them, I just dont have it in me to help someone else with that. I can write, be a friend, send occasional stamps if its allowed, but no more than that. I guess I'm really looking to befriend someone who is just waiting to die, however callous that sounds.

Does anyone know of inmates in that situation? Or of any particular web sites I could look at with up-to-date adds on (apart from PTO of course)?

Another web site you can check for ads is LostVault. There are many, many, many death row inmates that's only looking for some friendly conversation and nothing more. Even the ones that ask for help - in my experience - is more then happy to just gain a friend and understands that most people don't have the time or energy to get actively involved. It is all about the boundaries YOU set - and I am sure the guy you choose to write will accept that and respect your boundaries.

Good luck finding a pen pal. I have four friends on the row, and none of them ask for more then I can give :)

I understand you. If you decided to write a DR penpal, state in your letter from the beginning exactly what your intentions are. Sorry, I do not have any information apart from PTO.

The Canadian Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty has a pen pal area.


http://www.ccadp.org/

Thanks :)

pampered prisoner has d/row guys looking for just penpals

You know I came across a fella on the CCADP site, and wanted to write to him, but I did not include my address. When i wrote to B for the first time I had no intentions, absolutely no intentions of having anything more then a penpal relationship, needless to say it isn't just a penpal relationship....
I like to write and have a way with the pen, but I have asked myself what if B was on DR, as it is he has been in there a lifetime already with no actual release and if he had have been a little older when the crime was committed who knows what sentence they would have given him, it scares the hell out of me. I have read posts from women who have been penpals with DR inmates and how they have been in contact until the horrible time of execution, to all you women who have done so I think you are amazing for the heart and strenght you have to be there for these men.

I was with my friend when he was executed. It is a very hard thing. But what I kept thinking was how hard it was for him!! I didn't want him to be alone and surrounded by people who hated him. I wanted the last thing he saw to be a loving face, someone who loves him for him. It is an experience I will never forget...but I am glad I was there for him. I think of him every day. And I am very grateful for the time we shared. Everyone has something to contribute, to enrich our lives. When I first started writing him he said he wanted me to know he was on his last appeal and he did'nt think he wanted to bring me into his life just to put me through the pain of his death. I told him that should be my choice. We had a beautiful friendship. I never asked him about his crime but eventually he wanted me to know. i think to see if I would still accept him for who he was not who he was when it happened.

Enjay, I just wanted to tell you what a special person you are for sticking with your friend to the end. He surely needed someone like you. Thank you for being the caring person you are.

Thank you WandaMI, that's very nice of you to say. It just seemed like the right thing to do...the only thing to do. But anyone getting a death row pen pal has to think about if their pen pal does end up being killed. Some people couldn't handle it. I wasn't sure I could but I wasn't going to let him be alone. I've had other D/R pen pals, 4 of them infact, but they all just wanted me to send them money and were scamming people. I guess for some they don't know how to be friends or they can't accept that someone really cares about them.

I found my new pal on a site (google search) and read the ads for not receiving mail... then I made sure they were not looking for legal help or donations ( not that I wouldn't help when I can but it would be my decision) and not one mention of help in his letter to me so far other than needing someone to talk to and not wanting to lay it all on me in his first letter. I know he cries himself to sleep but I know that people on the not recieving mail list are most appreciative just to get a letter you can almost cry when you get a reply it's truly something. My other pal also on a list not the same site but he is in for a long time and also not receiving mail and not looking for anything other than friendship :) hope that helps.

I was with my friend when he was executed. It is a very hard thing. But what I kept thinking was how hard it was for him!! I didn't want him to be alone and surrounded by people who hated him. I wanted the last thing he saw to be a loving face, someone who loves him for him. It is an experience I will never forget...but I am glad I was there for him. I think of him every day. And I am very grateful for the time we shared. Everyone has something to contribute, to enrich our lives. When I first started writing him he said he wanted me to know he was on his last appeal and he did'nt think he wanted to bring me into his life just to put me through the pain of his death. I told him that should be my choice. We had a beautiful friendship. I never asked him about his crime but eventually he wanted me to know. i think to see if I would still accept him for who he was not who he was when it happened.

This is exactly how I feel! I put in a lot of time thinking before I wrote my pal because I knew I would have to make the decision to be there through it all. I am sure it's going to be a lot of ups and downs but just like you I want to make sure he knows someone cares about him. It is not for me to judge his past only to know the person he is today.

Hi,

Unless you've got special skills and training, there is actually very little you can do with regard to the legal matters anyway. There are many in there who believe a person on the outside is capable of doing things they aren't, but thankfully, there are also those who want friendships. I also have a friend on death row, and he is sometimes asking me to do certain things I can do for him, like helping him get some (a very few) $ for postage since he is working with lots of correspondence in his case, but aside from that, there is nothing I can do aside from being there for him.

It's not that I'm unwilling to help. I'm just not capable to.

Good luck in your search for a friendship!


Aquaria

Check deathrowspeaks.com. There are many guys on there looking for penpals. My boyfriend is on there,(yes, we've talked about this, and Im ok with it) and I know for a fact he is just looking for friendship, someone to share letters with. There must be others.

The Canadian Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty has a pen pal area.


http://www.ccadp.org/

Be careful on this site. My boyfriend's best friend is on there, and he was executed in July. I emailed them and told them to take down the ad, that was a month ago and its STILL on there. Im not happy with them at all. I mean what does it take to delete an ad of an executed man???

I have a pen pal on death row. We never talk about his case at all and just talk about completely different stuff. It has always been very clear to me that I would not get involved in any of my pals cases, it just is not my strong point and what I like to do. I can be there for them in other ways.