What Husbands Want Most From Their Wives
Karol Ladd
Author

Ever since Paramount released the Mel Gibson movie What Women Want a few years ago, interest seems to have skyrocketed in finding out the "inside scoop" on what the opposite sex truly wants and desires. Perhaps you have seen some of the surveys on this topic that have been circulating in books, magazines, and e-mails. What would you guess is at the top of most husbands' lists of things they want from their wives? Sex, right? That was my first guess too. In our current cultural climate, it's easy to assume that sex dominates every man's thoughts, hopes, and dreams. And it's true that sex does rank high on most husbands' want lists. But ask men what they want first and foremost from their wives, and the majority will not say, "Sex." They'll answer, "Respect."

The apostle Paul wouldn't be surprised by that response. In one of his letters to the early Christians, Paul encouraged husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). In his heavenly wisdom, Paul knew what men and women really, truly want from one another. Most wives desire above all to be honestly and completely loved by their husbands. Paul recognized that men need to be reminded of that. Husbands sometimes get busy with their work or involved in their hobbies and lose their focus on loving their wives -- or at least become distracted from showing it.

Since I'm not writing The Power of a Positive Husband, I won't try to teach husbands how to love their wives. That would have to be the subject of another book. But since I am writing a book for positive wives, let me ask: Why do you think Paul considered it necessary to tell wives to respect their husbands? Could it be that we so easily slip out of respecting our husbands and begin nitpicking and dwelling on their weaknesses? Paul delivered to wives a divine reminder: respect, respect, respect. Respect is not only what a husband wants; it's what a marriage needs. A wife who shows respect to her husband encourages her marriage to run smoothly and allows her spouse to become all that he ought to be.

Notice that Paul didn't say, "If a husband loves his wife, then the wife can respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33 is not an "if...then" proposition. Even if a husband doesn't seem to do his part, a wife must still do hers. The good news is, when one spouse does his or her part, the other spouse frequently follows. As positive wives, we shouldn't wait for our husbands to show us love before we act; we must move forward and show respect anyway. Many times a loving reaction will follow.

A beautiful example of a positive wife can be seen in First Lady Laura Bush. A woman of principle and wisdom, Laura has an obvious respect for her husband, President George W. Bush. George W. has said of his wife, "She's always asking what I'm doing about this or that, but I think she trusts me to make the right decisions." Laura honors her husband with respect through the confidence and support she consistently shows him. She is a wonderful helpmate to our forty-third president and a great inspiration to the rest of us.

Respect Perspective

For most of us, respect is denoted by the kindness and reverence that we show toward another person or thing. It means we hold someone or something in high esteem. But the biblical meaning of the word goes further. Often I like to check out the Amplified version of the Bible to understand the full implication of a word or phrase. Here's how the Amplified Bible translates Ephesians 5:33 "Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]."

There now, that doesn't sound too hard, does it? I never suspected that so many actions could be packed into the meaning of one little word! What man wouldn't love a wife who did all this?

Let's look again at this passage and consider each phrase in light of the way we relate to our husbands. As you read the list below, substitute your name for she and your husband's name for him.

• She notices him.

• She regards him.

• She honors him.

• She prefers him.

• She venerates him.

• She esteems him.

• She defers to him.

• She praises him.

• She loves him.

• She admires him exceedingly.

How did you do? Personally, I fell a little short. My purpose in examining this verse is not to make us feel inadequate or overwhelmed, but rather to gain a well-rounded understanding of the attitude behind respect. It's an attitude that says we will embrace our husbands, no matter who they are or how well they stack up against our checklist of standards. It's an attitude that says we will respect our husbands unconditionally.

That's tough to do, I know...For now, suffice it to say that just as your mother highly esteemed your school art project -- not because the artwork deserved it, but because you made it -- so, too, you should esteem and respect your husband, not because he deserves it, but because he was created by God. He is your brother in Christ and your chosen mate. Respect may not always come easily, but it is essential to having a positive and meaningful marriage.

Of course, respect must be balanced. Respecting your husband doesn't mean you worship him (as can almost be implied by the Amplified text). There is a danger in being so wrapped up in your spouse that you begin to live for him instead of for the Lord. A healthy view of respect keeps God first. Your husband can never meet all your needs; only God can. Give God the honor, reverence, and respect due to his name; and give your husband respect out of obedience to God.

Excerpted from "The Power of a Positive Wife" by Karol Ladd © 2003.

AWESOME! THANKS FOR SHARING RONNIE.:)

Amen sister I really loved it i had to do some evaluation myself


Thank you and God bless
Shaye

I liked it...thanks!

Wow, that really hit home for me. like right on teh dot. thanks for posting that i needed to read that. it isn't fun admitting your downfalls but i needed it. thanks so much

That is totally the truth ! I do respect my husband in all of those ways and He is my chosen mate, He is the one I chose to love honor and cherish and all that good stuff lol/...........

I am not a religious person and I don't believe in God, but I do consider myself spiritual, which is why I decided to come into this forum.

I have to say that I agree that wives should respect their husbands, but I also think that men should respect (and not just love) their wives in the same exact way.

Maybe I misunderstood the article, but I have a slight problem with the part that says that a wife should respect her husband and do her part even if he isn't doing his. Why is it okay for a husband not to "do his part" in the first place, but the wife is expect to "do her part" regardless? :confused: Can someone explain this to me please.

I agree with BabyGurl, I caught that too and it didn't seem right. The other thing I was that I personaaly do not see how Laura can stand her husband, but whatever! LOL

I was very moved by this, however, I am a stubborn girl that won't easily respect a husband that will take the respect and abuse it. I know thats not the message, but from a society that seems to allow men to fall short of respect, saying always, "it's a guy thing", it's nearly impossible for the women to keep up their end. So, let's work on each other(man and woman) and finally we may have some real relationships that can truly last a lifetime.

i totally agree with everything in this article....totally true, totally great!

I personaaly do not see how Laura can stand her husband, but whatever! LOL

:ha: True that..

If you read the article she is saying that by showing love and respect that can make a difference in others resposes to you. Kindness begets kindness. However I am not saying that both the husband and the wife should not talk and communicate and tell each other how they feel and think about things. What I have learned from men is that sometimes they are coming from a totally different angle then we are. Anyway that is my experience with our relationship. Lots of times we do not realize we are disrespecting or bothering others.
Mary

If you read the article she is saying that by showing love and respect that can make a difference in others resposes to you. Kindness begets kindness.


I understand that part.. I just don't understand why it has to be the wife who shows love and respect even if the husband doesn't. I got the impression from the article (and maybe I'm just overanalyzing here) that a husband is not expected to love his wife if she doesn't respect him, but yet a wife is expected to respect her husband even if he doesn't love her? I'm not really trying to bash the article, I'm just trying to understand what they are saying in that part.

I like the spirit of the article, but I do not believe you should treat anybody with love or "respect" if he doesn't deserve it. This article describes the way husbands and wives should treat each other, IMHO. I would never, ever, ever, treat my husband this way, or stay with him, if I was not getting the same in return. I think we have to love OURSELVES first and foremost.

I agree, June.

i don't think anyone should be marrying anyone who cannot show them the UTMOST respect at ALL times. i believe this article speaks from the point of view that if he's her HUSBAND, she must show him respect because he is her husband, who she chose to be with for life. why even put herself into a marriage with a man that doesn't respect her 100% of the time? if he respects her the way she should...then the article makes total sense.

I think that basic rules of respect apply. Most religions believe and teach the same thing. The husband is the head of the household, the wife is supposed to be in subjection to the husband. Alot of those teachings were written in a completely different time that we live in now. They will stick to and use the same philosophy, however each household is different. In order for a man to be respected, he needs to respect his wife. In order for a man to be able to be the head of the household, he should be able to provide for that household. A man can't expect or demand things if he is incapable of giving those same things to his wife!

i don't think anyone should be marrying anyone who cannot show them the UTMOST respect at ALL times. i believe this article speaks from the point of view that if he's her HUSBAND, she must show him respect because he is her husband, who she chose to be with for life. why even put herself into a marriage with a man that doesn't respect her 100% of the time? if he respects her the way she should...then the article makes total sense.

I agree completely. If the wife is doing all she can do then the husband has no reason to treat her badly or with disrespect. They come hand in hand.
I encourage everyone to read a book by Anabel and Bill Gillham titled He Said, She Said. It's very enlightening. My husband enjoyed it too and has passed it around to his buddies hoping they all wake up! :)

I am not a religious person and I don't believe in God, but I do consider myself spiritual, which is why I decided to come into this forum.

I have to say that I agree that wives should respect their husbands, but I also think that men should respect (and not just love) their wives in the same exact way.

Maybe I misunderstood the article, but I have a slight problem with the part that says that a wife should respect her husband and do her part even if he isn't doing his. Why is it okay for a husband not to "do his part" in the first place, but the wife is expect to "do her part" regardless? :confused: Can someone explain this to me please.
The answer is simple -- it's because God wants you too. He is the Father, that's what He wants, period.

Ever heard of "kill him with kindness"?? It's the same analogy. If someone craps on you, disrespects you, whatever, don't crap on them back, don't disrespect them back. Instead, because love should be shown to one another, in doing YOU and in not doing THE OTHER PERSON, what you should do is STILL be nice and STILL be respectful to the person -- KILL THE PERSON, with this kindness. The other person is not doing their part, but that does not mean you are not supposed to do yours.

God is a triune God -- the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit all in one. And, he created marriage to be triune as well, among and in this order: God, the husband, the wife. Therefore, all that you do is not just about your husband or just about you, but about THE THREE because there is a third party and that party is God. The answer to the question is at the foot of the opening post -- wives are supposed to respect their husband's out of obedience to God.
. . . and give your husband respect out of obedience to God. . . .

The answer is simple -- it's because God wants you too. He is the Father, that's what He wants, period.

Ever heard of "kill him with kindness"?? It's the same analogy. If someone craps on you, disrespects you, whatever, don't crap on them back, don't disrespect them back. Instead, because love should be shown to one another, in doing YOU and in not doing THE OTHER PERSON, what you should do is STILL be nice and STILL be respectful to the person -- KILL THE PERSON, with this kindness. The other person is not doing their part, but that does not mean you are not supposed to do yours.

God is a triune God -- the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit all in one. And, he created marriage to be triune as well, among and in this order: God, the husband, the wife. Therefore, all that you do is not just about your husband or just about you, but about THE THREE because there is a third party and that party is God. The answer to the question is at the foot of the opening post -- wives are supposed to respect their husband's out of obedience to God.

Well, even though I don't believe in all that God stuff, I see what you're saying. But I guess my main problem was that I felt like the article was saying that only women are expected to "kill 'em with kindness" and love and respect their partners no matter what. But shouldn't men be doing the same in the first place? Like, why are husbands essentially "excused" for disrespectful behavior towards their wives, but wives are expected to uphold respect for their husbands at all times? It just seems contradictory and sexist to me, that's all. One of my many "issues" with religion and the Church. :rolleyes:

. . . Like, why are husbands essentially "excused" for disrespectful behavior towards their wives, but wives are expected to uphold respect for their husbands at all times? It just seems contradictory and sexist to me, that's all. One of my many "issues" with religion and the Church.
What the word says is wives are to respect their husbands, and husbands are to love their wives the way Jesus loved the church, which is TREMENDOUSLY. Disrespect don't come when he's loving like that.

What God told Eve just before teling Adam: "To Adam, 'Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' . . .' " [Genesis 3:17], "To the woman he said 'I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.' " [Genesis 3:16]

And you've heard about wives submit to your husbands, right?It's in the same neighborhood of how God wants husbands and wives to be. " Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. [Ephesians 5: 22-33]

I'm thinking God didn't say "wives love your husbands" because some marriages are arranged, which in that case it's possible to marry someone you don't love. I mean for a fat cow, a couple chickens and a bottle of bootleg, daughter-girl is suddenly a wife. :eek: So I guess God say at least respect the man because he is your husband.

I'm all with you :hifive: on the issues with church and with religion which is why I get my church on alternatively and I don't mess with no religions.

Because this is written and it is what is written that is my faith and what I follow, this is the explanation I feel is for your question. People are free to believe what they believe, and proudly, and this is what I proudly believe in. God wants His sons to treat us women so good that we'll be wantin to submit and be ruled. So good that sometime when he come home he'll find his wife outside washin the jeep, all because he is worth it!! :p

What the word says is wives are to respect their husbands, and husbands are to love their wives the way Jesus loved the church, which is TREMENDOUSLY. Disrespect don't come when he's loving like that.

What God told Eve just before teling Adam: "To Adam, 'Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' . . .' " [Genesis 3:17], "To the woman he said 'I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.' " [Genesis 3:16]

And you've heard about wives submit to your husbands, right?It's in the same neighborhood of how God wants husbands and wives to be. " Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. [Ephesians 5: 22-33]

I'm thinking God didn't say "wives love your husbands" because some marriages are arranged, which in that case it's possible to marry someone you don't love. I mean for a fat cow, a couple chickens and a bottle of bootleg, daughter-girl is suddenly a wife. :eek: So I guess God say at least respect the man because he is your husband.

I'm all with you :hifive: on the issues with church and with religion which is why I get my church on alternatively and I don't mess with no religions.

Because this is written and it is what is written that is my faith and what I follow, this is the explanation I feel is for your question. People are free to believe what they believe, and proudly, and this is what I proudly believe in. God wants His sons to treat us women so good that we'll be wantin to submit and be ruled. So good that sometime when he come home he'll find his wife outside washin the jeep, all because he is worth it!! :p
Okay, so I guess I did understand the article correctly. I just happen to disagree with it (well, mostly just that whole notion of wives respecting their husbands no matter what). But it's all good, to each his own. Thank you (not trying to be sarcastic) for clarifying this for me. :)

HSH, that is one of the best posts I've read so far and I think where the misunderstanding may be is that you have to have a spiritual husband who heads the house to begin with. Without that this just doesn't work.

. . . I just happen to disagree with it (well, mostly just that whole notion of wives respecting their husbands no matter what). :)
babygurl, just a note there just so you know the FACT when it comes to religions, faiths and the like, NOBODY is arrow straight in what they do and in how they live. There is no such thing as an arrow straight person so don't even nobody expect anybody who follows a belief, religion or the like to be 100% with it. The no matter what respect thing that you you don't agree with -- there are a lot of bible reading wives who know about those passages but who for her own reasons do not follow it arrow straight. Babygirl you weren't being sarcastic; you had question so I offered answers. :o You're welcome.
HSH, that is one of the best posts I've read so far and I think where the misunderstanding may be is that you have to have a spiritual husband who heads the house to begin with. Without that this just doesn't work.
Well, I don't think you have to have a spiritual husband because even bible believers don't have that. What I do believe is if the husband and wife have a values and moral system in place within their own selves, that they can come together in love and through dedication and commitment to each other achieve whatever it is they want for their household. What it is is they have to stand on something substantive, may it be the Word or may it be something that they come up with on their own.


I believe God blesses everyone -- not just those who believe in Him. I belive that he has his favorites ;) and that He loves and blesses everyone according to how He wants.

I am in agreement our husbands need respect, I am 12 years older than my husband. Age is not a problem when There is a spiritual connection I believed. My mate has had a lot of problems with carring for me do to the fact He is no longer on the lease I was on before we got married. He wants to be the head of the house, and yet he doesn,t want to follow God's way to resieve financial gain.and prosperity. He has all kinds of areas to over come coming out of prison. I try to share with him it takes time to gain the ground back. He gives up and then takes it out on me, then gets upset with God, no encouragement seems to help him through. any support?

I totaly agree with Hesohandsome. I am a spirtual person and belive what the bible says - you live by the bible - you can't go wrong. I respect my husband, he is the head of the household. I am happy to give that job to him, since I have been a single mom all my life. I am now learning how to be a biblical wife, and am happy and proud to do so.