this is kind of a vent, kind of a *tsk,tsk*, kind of a "i don't care but i just want to share", and kind of a, "am i the only one" type of post, but it's for those in interracial relationships, so i figured it belonged here above all else. it's a little long...as usual...*snicker*:D

how many people have to deal with issues from your signifigant other's side of the family, or your own, because you and him/her are different races? i never thought in a million years that i would have to deal with being black around chris' family, because i figured we were all esentially in the same "boat", so to speak (most of them have been arrested before, been drug addicted before, or something), and that they'd be happy that their "neno" finally found someone to take care of him. they're all either italian, german, or puerto rican, and that's fine. and now i find out that they're really just tolerating me out of "respect for chris", not because they really think i'm good for him. i feel like, "geez, it's already hard enough having him away, now i have to deal with the color thing here too?" his family has never stepped out of line with me, they've invited me over, call me regularly, etc. however, they say small things that make me think their issue with me is that i'm black (what else can it be...i've never done ANYTHING wrong to any of them or mistreated him). i never expected this because they've all done their jail bids, so i figured that would have sobered them up about the prejudices of all kinds. after all, imprisonment causes some of the biggest prejudice out there. guess i was wrong. his aunt didn't want me to keep my baby. her excuse to him was, "you're going to be gone for four years more." when he said, "and my baby will be three...what's the problem?" she finally broke down and said, "how can you be sure that she'll be faithful?" he countered, "so you think she should kill my baby because you think she may cheat? even if she does, what does that have to do with my child? no one can be guaranteed a cheatless relationship."
she then told ME that i should abort my baby, but she never got specific. she just mumbled, "nevermind." i suppose that was because i looked at her like she had just grown another head. i chalked it up to her just wanting the best for him, and being naturally wary. but since then, their relationship (chris' and his aunts) has dwindled. the pressure piled when one day he called her and asked her why she was changing (not writing him anymore, visiting, etc.), and she told him, "because you have your girl now...i figured you were set and didn't need anything else." so he figured she was a little jealous. she told him to call her once he got down state to let her know he was alright. he did it two weeks ago, and when she heard the collect call was from him, she didn't accept the call. he hasn't spoken to her since then, and he won't let me speak to her. then his older brother called me "the black b****." he said this to their younger brother, who came back and told me and then chris. now WHY he did that when he's only said hello to me ONCE (and looked me in my eye and told me that chris deserved a good woman, and he was happy he finally found her in me) i'll never know. chris' relationship with him is rocky, at best now. and that's saddening because he's always loved his brother i think even more than his parents (long story there too). his daughter asked him, when he first mentioned me, "so does she speak spanish?" under the assumption that i was hispanic. he laughed (and admitted to me later it was a nervous laugh) and said to her, "no mamita...she doesn't speak spanish...she's a morena." and he said his daughter was like, "WOW! realllllyyyy? is she dark skinned?!" he told her what she wanted to know, and then sighed a breath of relief when she said, "aw wow...the baby will be half black." LOL. so i guess she inadvertantly should have let me known with her comments that her family wasn't used to having morenas around. but i thought it was so cute, and she's young (she'll be 17), so i didn't think twice. i used to always wonder why small things would happen to make me question most of his family's sincerity when dealing with me (not all of them though, his children and his aunt really like me), but when his brother made the "black" comment, it's like everything made sense, and THAT was the reason i didn't quite "fit in". for the life of me, i can't figure out what else it could be to keep them from liking me...
...so, does anyone else have to go through having their baby away from them because of jail AND being judged by his family (or your own) because of your skin differences? my family has no problem with him being "the white boy", and they think that he's very handsome, haha, if nothing more. it's HIS family that shocked me. but it's like, "geez...it's already hard enough dealing with him being in prison, and now this too?!" with me. what about you?

Just because a person has dealt with addiction or jail time or even prejudice against themselves does not make them immune to carrying around their own prejudices. I'd tell them not to down a whole race of people just cuz you don't like me! Not because I believe that they don't like you but because when you say that to someone it makes them think.

You mentioned that he has a Latino background, I am a Latina mutt (Mexican, Spanish, Puerto Rican) and while this is not the case with my family I can tell you that many Latinos have prejudices about blacks for a variety of reasons all of which like any other prejudice are rooted in ignorance and fear.

Having said that I can also say that those in his family who REALLY have his best interests at heart will come to accept and embrace you as time goes by. For now just be yourself and try not to get caught up in the drama. Be the bigger person as in the long run it will pay off for you.

Best wishes to you and yours,
Patty

Just because a person has dealt with addiction or jail time or even prejudice against themselves does not make them immune to carrying around their own prejudices. I'd tell them not to down a whole race of people just cuz you don't like me! Not because I believe that they don't like you but because when you say that to someone it makes them think.

You mentioned that he has a Latino background, I am a Latina mutt (Mexican, Spanish, Puerto Rican) and while this is not the case with my family I can tell you that many Latinos have prejudices about blacks for a variety of reasons all of which like any other prejudice are rooted in ignorance and fear.

Having said that I can also say that those in his family who REALLY have his best interests at heart will come to accept and embrace you as time goes by. For now just be yourself and try not to get caught up in the drama. Be the bigger person as in the long run it will pay off for you.

Best wishes to you and yours,
Patty

thanks for the response...it really helped me. i can really say that at this point in time not much of his family has his best interests at heart, and it's obvious. he's starting to say that i'm the only family he has, and he's starting to cry over it alot more than he used to...and it's so saddening...but he knows that i AM his family and i will always be there for him, no matter WHAT...

thanks again...

I have never understood prejudice. I understand not liking certain people, but that has to do with how the carry themselves and treat others. Not anything to do with their heritage. You have enough to deal with, limit your contact with the family members that feel the way they do, or eliminate contact with them completely. I feel sorry for your fellow. I know he has to be hurting that his family is treating you the way the are. You two need to stay strong for your own little family. Take care.

I have never understood prejudice. I understand not liking certain people, but that has to do with how the carry themselves and treat others. Not anything to do with their heritage. You have enough to deal with, limit your contact with the family members that feel the way they do, or eliminate contact with them completely. I feel sorry for your fellow. I know he has to be hurting that his family is treating you the way the are. You two need to stay strong for your own little family. Take care.

thanks so much :). he prefers me not to contact his family, so it's just him, me, our babies, and certain members of my family. i haven't contacted anyone from his family concerning him and his prison status i n about 5 weeks or so...and he seems content with that for now...thanks again :).

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time with his family. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

Prejudice is hate..plain and simple

wife, thanks so much :)

and mike...i have slightly different views...but it can be very hateful, yes...unfortunately :(

Boy, I thought I had it bad with my husband's family mrschrisb...I feel for you...reading your post gave me goose bumps...My mother-in-law (RIP) never really liked me and tolerated me because of her son...I think she tolerated me because I bailed her out of jail all the time and represented her in court. She used to tell my husband that I was an "uppity white b**** "who thought I was better than them and too educated for a man like him. She told him to find himself someone who was puerto rican so his children wouldn't be tainted. She refused to speak English when I was around just so she could talk about me. I used to get so mad, but then one day I realized that she didn't really take the time to get to know me and that it was her loss. His sister is the same way as her mother. I don't deal with anyone in his family anymore. I stood by him while he did a 13 year bid and no one in his family can say they did that. They only cared about what he could get out of me to give to them and when he didn't do that, they treated him like garbage.
Love doesn't know race or color. Love knows no barriers. I am proud to be white and proud to be married to a puerto rican man. I didn't marry him because he was puerto rican--I married him because I love him. Life is too damn short to be worrying about what color someone is or whether or not they have money or how they were raised. None of that mattered to me when I met my husband.
Ignorance is bliss for some and for those of us with an open mind, well , we have created beautiful marriages and beautiful children.
Stay strong, mrschrisb! Chris is lucky to have a strong woman like you.

lyte...thanks so much!! i almost cried!!! i feel like it IS their loss when they don't at least get to know us before they make judgements about us. i'm doing everything in my power to take care of my hubby and make him comfortable for this time. we're going through alot...appeals and reconsiderations and moving prisons and expecting a baby soon and all types of things, and no one in his family even bothers to check up on him and see how he's doing. he's decided that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie...and i suppose just face those issues when we come across them. he sure knows that i'm not going anywhere unless HE doesn't want me to be with him. thanks so much for your post...i really really was touched by it. :) your husband is blessed to have someone so strong by his side as well!!!

oh...and as for the uppity white b**** comment...well...remember i'm the black b****. at least we're each a babe in total control of herself. LOL. *hugs*

Girl ur post gave me goose bumps again!!! This is what their families seem to disregard--- we have given 1000000% of ourselves to a man who we could've easily walked away from, but didn't. Perhaps they don't realize that behind every bad boy is a strong woman and we are those women!!
Let it lie--my husband dealt with it when he came home and since he's back again, no one has even called to see how he was. It hurts him because everytime his sister's man was beating onher, he ran to help her and my nieces and nephew. When he needed help, his sister turned her back on him. My daughters and I are all he has and I'll be damned if I let his family try to destroy us. You have a beautiful little family and a new baby on the way and u have lots of people in here who are there for you. It's his family's loss because one day they will need him and believe me, he may forgive them for their ignorance, but he will never forget. You are what will get him through this and the strength of your family will carry him along way!!
If u ever need anything, PM me!

We have issues with both of our families. My father disowned me several years ago because of an interracial relationship I was in.

His family--they were "nice" to me but I didn't feel that it was genuine. I took a lot off of his mom because I was trying to keep the peace. But when I'd had enough, I finally said something to her. She didn't talk to me for a while but she does now. I guess you could say we get along with each other now but we hardly ever see each other since we live in different states.

Candy

lyte - chris feels the same way...today he called them a bunch of hypocrites :(...but i know deep down inside it hurts him because he is such a sweetheart...he deserves the support of his family too...and i feel bad because he loves his brother with ALL of his heart (the one that called me a B****) and i feel like, "why would he say that about me and he doesn't even KNOW me??" because chris really loves him, and i love him too...just because my man does, yanno? but it's like...i'm his brother's fiance and all he has to say about me is that i'm a b****? and he doesn't even speak to me...OR chris. today chris told me how much he loved his brother, and i said, "well...he doesn't even LIKE me". then he asked me exactly what happened (how i got the story), i just shrugged it off, he pressed a little...and i knew in his voice he was kind of afraid of what i would say, but i just was like, "well, he just doesn't like me and that's fine with me." i would never say anything bad about his brother, regardless of what he says about me. i'm here to support my baby any way possible...never hurt him, not even by saying bad things about his family. he loves that man more than their parents. and i know it hurts him but right now it's just something that we're trying worry about when that time comes. then he told me to call his aunt (the one that told me to abort our daughter...hehe we found out the baby is a GIRL! lol), to see how everyone was. well i admitted to him that i didn't have a thing to say to her...and i would feel awkward. so he agreed, but then he asked me to please do it just to see at least how his brother was. so i called, and the number is disconnected. i was relieved...not because he couldn't get in contact with them, but because i didn't have to be uncomfortable while on the phone with her. and it's a shame that i have to feel that way. i love this man so much that my eyes water when i THINK about him, and all i am to THEM is a problem...or a skin color. i guess we can't have everything we want in life, huh? thanks so much for listening, as usual. you are a great welcome to PTO...i really appreciate you being here :)

candy, i know how you feel...the "feeling" that something just isn't "right". you are in my *huggies* circle and my prayers. i am happy to know that even though it isn't PERFECT, at least you and his mother are at least saying hello, yanno?

Thanks Mrschrisb for the hugs and prayers (can't have enough of them). I know what you mean. I'm trying with her and now that she knows I'm not taking any slack off of her it's getting better.

Candy

mrschris!!! u cheated and found out it was a girl??????????? Shame on u!!! It's supposed to me a surprise, girl...!!! No, I found out both times too....I wanted to make sure I was having girls--now I wish I had ordered boys instead!!! Congratulations!!!!!
Thank you for welcoming me! Just know I do not conform to the norm--I am on both sides of the law, but first and foremost, my loyalty is always to my husband! And yes, I will break the law for him if I had to!! (Don't let him know that!) Stay strong and as always, PM me if u need anything! Remember--you married him, not THEM!!!!!

lol lyte! ty for the answer...i would break the law if i had to too...(don't tell ANYONE that!) and yes, we cheated, she's a SHE and you know he's crazy excited, just a nut anyway. lol. he said hi earlier by the way!

lol lyte! ty for the answer...i would break the law if i had to too...(don't tell ANYONE that!) and yes, we cheated, she's a SHE and you know he's crazy excited, just a nut anyway. lol. he said hi earlier by the way!

Tell Chris I said hi back!!! I am gonna be an Auntie!!!! OOOhhh--little dresses from the Gap and a little Fendi bag...oh she's gonna be a diva just like Auntie Lisa!!! :D

LOL...i've never owned anything Fendi in my LIFE except an umbrella! LOL and it got TAKEN! lol...he says the same thing...she's gonna be a spoiled little angel. we'll see! with the way her daddy acted up in court, i dunno! LOL. oh by the way, his mother called me today and wanted to know how he was doing! so maybe they care enough to even be nosey huh???

LOL...i've never owned anything Fendi in my LIFE except an umbrella! LOL and it got TAKEN! lol...he says the same thing...she's gonna be a spoiled little angel. we'll see! with the way her daddy acted up in court, i dunno! LOL. oh by the way, his mother called me today and wanted to know how he was doing! so maybe they care enough to even be nosey huh???

Of course she's gonna be spoiled--look at her crazy white auntie!!! As for daddy--acting up in court--he's lucky his wife didn't give him a good talking too!! His mother called??? Oh Lord--she must need money!!!

there are ppl in this world...who won't ever accept the "Interracial relationships"...yeah itz true.........
the only reason i accepted it was because my brother who is dead now...(r.i.p):( ..he had a wife of a different race and they had a beautiful smart wonderful child together...and i love my lil neice....no matter what....and her mom is kool...so im not trippin.


i know how u feeling..and i wish the best to you and yours...

ty mamicita...things we take just one day at a time, and it works out better that way for us it seems...

lyte...you KNOW i felt like jumping over the little rail that seperates the hearing participants from the viewers...and grabbing him right by the back of his neck! she was just KICKING the entire time too...probably taking up for her bigheaded daddy. she called...but never called back...lol. i doubt if she needs money, she gets a brand new mercedes every year lol...