my ex husband and i met 10 years ago while he was in prison where he still is at this moment. We divorced a couple years later but have continued our relationship to this day. He is overly controlling! He has made promises of what will happen if i ever try to leave him, he is very jealous, he is MASTER and I am to obey, submit,follow his lead and put all my trust in him. He has the dr. jeckyl, mr hyde personality, and gets reallly mad over the little things. To him, sex is suppose to hurt. He gets excited at the thought of inflicted pain. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know this man is very dangerous. My problem is...He just made parole, waiting on governor to sign and he will be out. I want to leave but am scared to death. Not for myself but others who he might try to get to in order to find me. I have a safe place to go, guess I just need a boost of moral support to get me going. He may be out within next couple months. H...E...L...P, I'm sick with worry.

There comes a time in everyones life when you have to make the most important decision in your life, this is your time. If I were you, I would call those people that you fear might be hurt by him and let them know the situation, I would then leave and never look back! You deserve so much more than a life of hurt and fear. Go where you will be safe and leave him to God. I don;t know if your are religious or if you even believe in God but, if you do, Pray for yourself that he gives you wisdom,knowledge and direction in your life. Pray that God puts his hedge of protection around you and trust that he will keep you from harm. Then pray for him that God convicts his heart of all the hurt,pain and misery he has brought to you and himself and that he will touch his heart and lighten it with Gods mercy. Go on with your life, get counseling and leave the past behind you... God Bless and good luck...

I wish first of all you would repost this in the pen pal forum,so that some may be aware of what they may end up getting into!second, try to contact a local domestic violence shelter,help line for moral support and advice.You can always file a restraining order, which yes is only a piece of paper, but if he voilates it he will end up in prison again,whiich may make him stop and think twice about bothering you.Make sure it states he can not contact your friends and family,co workers as well.By all means tell all those people what your upp against too.Cut all ties now, don,t take his calls, return his letters, see how he reacts now while he is still locked up!One thing you should know is that men like him can not control you unless you let them.If he sees you are not going to take his crap any more he may go away(may).I have been there, and can tell you that you have to stop letting the fear control you,that is what he counts on.You also have to figure out why you let him go on like this with you, so that you do not end up with another man just like him!You have to value yourself! Be aware however alsothat if you have children and you file a restraining order you may end up with a case opened up by Child Protective Services or however they label it in your state, talk to a local domestic violence agency about this , you do not need that stress too!Good Luck, and remember people like him prey on the weak,BE STRONG! :thumbsup:

For pity's sake - phone the governor!! Express yourself as you just did here. Do you have letters or taped phone calls with threats in them? Pass them along! Talk to the police departments where the people you fear for are - show them his picture and emphasize his dangerous qualities.
And the GO, GO, GO. he's 'waaaay beyond simply walking away if you stand firm. That could get you killed.

Get away from him. Stay away from him. I can't even begin to imagine the terror of living with something like that. Good luck and God bless.
And to Corey1021. This is posted in exactly the right place. Do you think that all men are abusive? They aren't. Pen Pals are individuals and most feel that men that abuse women are cowards.

Here's the moral support you need, girl. Its easier to say than to do, but ya gotta do it! I know this because I too left an abusive ex-husband. Surround yourself with positive people who will look out for you, and he'll eventually go away. Don't let the thought that he may hurt someone else deter you. That's part of the manipulation they hold over you. Stand up for yourself! You're stronger than you think, you just don't know it, yet. Take the first step (its the hardest) and the rest will get easier. You'll wake up one day and think "How in the hell did I live like that for so long?" The freedom from fear, pain, hollering, everything is so beautiful! I cherish going to the store. Not because I love to shop, but because I can do it without 20 questions, accusations, or a "baby-sitter" now. Do it. YOU CAN! More importantly, you deserve it. Think about the positives, not the negatives. Imagine a life without everything you associate with this guy. That's what's waiting for you at the end of this journey. All you have to do is head on out!

Run. Now. Don't give it another thought. Warn the others although most probably a lot of his threats are just talk. Do you really need to hear that kind of talk?
I still feel guilty that I never pursued charges against my ex. especially when I look his next victim (current GF) in the eye.

Do you have an opportunity to speak to the parole board? It is posted in local papers to give others an opportunity to speak to the board. I know, we all hate that part, but if he has not changed and poses a threat to others and himself, what good is that? If that opportunity has passed, do all you can to protect yourself. Take care of yourself and keep a level head. Your gut instinct is often a good indicator.

Sometimes it's better not to file a restraining order. I've been through this, too, and that was the advice I got. Just get away and stay away from him! Good luck! As someone else said, he depends on your fear of him to keep controlling you. Just go to your safe place and never look back. Chances are, his threats to those you care about are just that---threats. Just another way to cause you fear to keep you in his control.

My husband is in prison right now for the same ofense (domestic violence), we are still married but i know the feeling, its very hard, it is harder for me cause im new in the united states, i flew all the way from the Philippines to spend a lifetime with him and two months after we got married guess what? *sigh* You are lucky compared to me, you have family and friends here. One thing i learned from what happened which might also be useful to you - the more people you talk to the more help you get. Talk to people you can trust and let them know the truth, this will not only protect you but them too.

My prayers for you.

Hi, just thought I'd say thanks to all who replied, it really helped me get the strength I needed. I am leaving the 30th and going somewhere that I can start all over with a fresh start. I DID tell him at the last visit I was leaving him, (he thinks I'll still be close when he gets out) he took it somewhat calmly. The calm before the storm. I do love him dearly, but cannot and will not live my life in fear of the man I love. I love myself too much to lower myself to his standards. So, THANKS again to all and pray for me as I make this move. All you are in my prayers too.

I am glad you decided to leave. It IS the right thing to do. God Bless you. Good luck. I pray for your safety.

LOVE Marsha

I believe strengh is something we draw drom inside of our own hearts.
Be strong, if you want to leave leave!
Never allow anyone to over power you!

You made the right decision, don't second guess it for a minute. As a woman who was in an abusive relationship for 15 years, I now know that no one can control you, if you don't let them. At the time, I couldn't understand it and had all these reasons (excuses) why I couldn't leave. I hope you find the same happiness I did when I got my second chance at life - away from him. Now that I've been out of the relationship for almost 5 years, I cannot believe that I lived they way for a day, let alone 15 years.

I wish you all the best.

read the first sticky! It's called "I got flowers today."

you have doen the right thing fo ryou to be safe.it is okay that you told him and you have no doubt seen the calm before the storm.im glad that you decided to work on rebuilding your life away from where he can get to you.he may try fo rawhile but he gone have it hard enough maintaining his freedom and he will find another helpless victim untill you come bac-keep him waiting till h3lll freezes over!!find that man who is waiting on you to give all his good protective love to.