My girlfriend Angela got a visit today from her brother. He had some horrible news, her grandma died monday of heart trouble, she was 81.

This was to be expected mostly. We both knew she probably wouldn't last the majority of Angela's sentence, but we didn't have a clue it was going to be this quick.

Angela is hurting. I don't really know what to say to her. If I could take all the pain away and replace it with only the love I feel in my heart I would. But I know she has to grieve, and to miss her grandma.

Can anyone give me any tips or advice on how to cope myself? I don't even know her grandma, and I'm grieving as well.

Sorry to hear it. There is lots of info on the net about greiving. Hope you find some good advice.

Sorry to hear of Angela's loss! My prayers go out to her and her family! A big PTO (((HUG))) for you Chris! Hang in there and just be there for her~

Chris,

I am sorry to hear of Angela's loss. Listen when she wants to talk of her Grandmother and her loss. Remembering those wonderful memories of someone you have lost are a way of easing the pain. Just listen to her and be there for her.

Our hearts go out to Angela and you. Both of you are in our prayers.

Chris, here is a poem that may help. I am sorry for ya'lls loss.

LETTER FROM HEAVEN


To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."

It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me

My husband has lost both of his grandmothers while in prison, about a year apart. His ex-wife also died in a tragic house fire. It was difficult for him - to experience this grief while he was locked up.

I allowed him to grieve, and I grieved for his loss. It took a little time, a lot of support, and a "plan" to visit each grave, to take flowers, and to do our own tribute once he comes home.

I went to funeral homes, funerals, and sent flowers and cards. I signed his name to everything, as well as mine. It was hard, but it was worth it and in the end, I'm glad I was there for him and for his family.

I don't really know what to say to her. If I could take all the pain away and replace it with only the love I feel in my heart I would.

The above quote is what you posted in your original question. That is what you should say to Angela. Just how you said it. I remember Trey's mom calling me at work one da to say that Trey's grandma died. I didn't know how to tell him the bad news that night. He sort of acted like he wasn't hurt because he didn't know her anymore anyway, but the pain that I saw in his eyes was real. Just tell her that you will be there for her in every aspect. I can imagine what she is going through, but don't know how to make it easier for her right now. It'll be hard saying goodbye w/o the closure of a funeral. I'm sorry... tell her that we are all sending our prayers!

Your grieving couse your gf is grieving, and I'm so sorry either of you have to feel this way... Belive that Grandma is in a better place... It will get easier.. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers...

In the Here and Now there are 2 parts, the external and the internal (and then there is the eternal). While some take comfort in their faith concerning the eternal, the practical things are (after offering yourself in the words you wrote as already pointed out, and if accepted): 1. to do things for her outside that she is not allowed to do, and that she would like done -- you are her hands and legs and eyes and voice for that, and 2. to be the sounding board that resonates back to her as she treasures and stores the memories -- grieving comes about as a result of loss but it is ultimately a celebration of everything that was good about Grandmother that Angela still has <here> -- sodaigakko touches Chris's head and heart. :)

Thanks everyone, and thankyou Sodai. :)

It means alot to have you all here for support.

SORRY ABOUT ANGELAS GRANDMOTHER.. LET HER KNOW WE ARE PRAYING FOR HER AND HER FAMILY

Hi Chris .. I too am so sorry to hear of Angela's loss ... and I see/know the helplessness you feel to bring her comfort as you grieve for her loss.
This past August I had to make a call through the chaplain's office on speaker phone to my son to tell him that his grandfather had died ... I believe that was/is/will be the single most difficult thing I'll do in my life ... I could feel his pain as I experienced my own but was helpless to do anything of comfort for him. All you can do now is continue to love her as it is so obvious you do, listen when she needs to talk/write of her feelings/memories ... and as mentioned above, I think the making of concrete plans to honor her grandmother upon her release would be an excellent and comforting idea ...

Take care, stay strong for her and yourself ...

I shalll keep you both in my prayers and will pray for the repose of her grandmothers soul ...

my thoughts are with both of you....just be there for her (for now via latters and calls til you get visits)....

Deb

Stephanie lost her grandma the night she was arrested. her grandmother was more of a mother to Stephanie than her real mom. Just be there for her, listen, and be understanding.Steve&kids

Thankyou all.

I've just started a letter to her, a nice long one, well, as long as it can be. They have sort of 5 page/item rule recently. I can only send 5 pages in the envelope.

I'm writing to her about when my grandpa died. I don't even know why I'd do that. I guess he's the only one I remember who died that was semi-close. Part of me is still walking around with a stick up my butt half the time when I write to her. I want to share things, then after I write them I'm like "Why did I say that??!" LOL! I just wanted to thank you all for your support. Any further ideas or tips would be helpful. Oddly enough, until I met Angela, I could honestly not have said this, seriously, but....

God Bless all of you.

I am totally of the opinion that you keep the person alive by talking about them. After all, the spirit goes on. I lost my dear Pop last October 4 and feel much better remembering him. Just be there for your friend whether she's crying, venting, or whatever.

Remember too that she may be feeling anguish that she was unable to attend the funeral. Be sure to offer her a description of exactly how things went at the service, etc. if you went. If not, maybe someone from her family can be asked to fill her in? I remember the outrage my EX felt when he used to talk about being made to miss his grandmother's funeral because he was on the inside. (This was long before I met him.) Can you or another family member who attended can give her a recap of the service, and a momento such as a copy of the program, and/or the obituary, if there was one printed? Maybe you could even encourage others in her family who were there and are willing to write a short note to her; it might help ease the frustration of having missed the service just a bit. She'll be in my thoughts...I hate death! I've lost loved ones to death and it's so hard...

- Jen