Im still not really over the ending of my friendship with my DR pen pal, i still think about him from time to time..the other night I had a dream about him that i was going to visit him and when i got there, I was told he denied my visit:(
I have been thinking of getting another DR pen pal, and I have one in mind, but I have been hesitant to send that letter out, i dont know why. Maybe he would not even write me back anyway, so maybe tomorrow I will find the courage to just throw it in the mailbox and be done with this guessing game.

So my question to you is why did you choose your DR pen pal?? What was it about Him??

I only choose one of my DR pals and that was years ago and we are very good friends. The rest of mine and most of my pals have been given to me or someone has asked me if I would write.

The one I choose to write, was because of his eyes. I saw lonliness and sadness in his eyes and my gut just told me to write. He has become a very good friend over the years. He was there for me when Tracy was executed and I have ben there for him through losing a couple family members.

Dani I think there is a reason you choose this pal to write too. Please don't let what happened stop you from going on. But at the same time if you aren't ready yet then don't write. But if you are I say put that letter in the mail. Don't worry if he will write back or not, if you don't mail that letter he won't write back.

Being hurt does make us a little afraid to put ourselves out there again.

softie

My closest pal actually chose me. My address was passed to him by one one of my ex-pal's and he decided to write me. My other close pal was also given to me by an ex-pal.

I haven't really had to choose a DR inmate to write. My first DR pal was founded by a friend's pal and others since then asked if I would be willing to write them.

My first friend I choose because the site kept jumping onto his name for some stupide reason. It still took me a whole year to write. The 2nd DR friend was chosen by a HR Organisation. And the other friends where just coincidence. I found them on this site.

Hello,

I choose my first penpal in Texas DR after reading an article in a French newspaper about how the death penalty was carried out in that state. I choose him from a link provided to the "Lamp of hope project".

I choose my second penpal in California DR through a Canadian website "CCADP" because my husband taught at Stanford University for a very long time, misses California and never adjusted to the parisian way of living... so we spend one month each year in San Francisco and that way, I'm able to visit my pal.

I choose both of them close to my age (personal choice) and we've now been corresponding since 5 years! I've got 2 big boxes full of their letters and artwork!!! Both of them have been enlightening my life with their friendship...

Good luck.

I write a few people on death row - and i did chose them from pen pal sites. I know it took me weeks to narrow down who i wanted to write to. I looked for people who didn't have pictures to post - thinking they may have a harder time finding penpals. I did check out the crimes these guys were accused of - not to pass judgement on anyone but there are just somethings i am not cool with and felt like i would not make the best penpal in those cases. In some states its easy to check out but not in others. I can't really explain it but some ads just seem so much more sincere than others. So far i have been happy with my guys. Good Luck Dana.

Dana, I'm sorry to hear your heart hurts as it does. An invitation went out to write my now DR pal and he came highly recommended so I wrote him and its been GREAT! For a first time experience with the DR and someone on it, he has made it a positive experience for me so far.

I have had 2 bad turn outs with DR inmates. I know there must be some that are not users of women.But I do not know how you would know unless a family member of that inmate would tell you about him.

Thanks guys :) I sent out the letter last tuesday so i am very anxiously waiting for a reply:) Sometimes people get lucky in finding a great pal and some times you got to kiss a few frogs so to speak. But Im hoping I hear something this coming week.

I received a letter from my new friend today:)

Thats great Dana - i hope he's not a frog.

I chose to write to Geno because his ad just kept jumping out at me this was a long time ago. Little did I know that one day he would become my best friend, and so much more now. I told myself this could be heartbreak in so many ways but I wrote anyways and got a very quick response. It's been on every since. I felt that there must be a reason why his ad continued to pop up. I couldn't get away from him. I would look up and there he would be. So I did it .....:p

Hope the new one is good dana. I just listed a new DR ad in the penpal area. He is in Az.

:) Hello,
After reading about death row inmats as pen pals, I find this admirable to communicate with them. Of course this may sound like a stupid question, however, how does one become a pen pal to an individual on death row. In addition, how does one find out information on the offense prior to deciding to write to this person. Thank you for any information given.
Ms. Alpha

Well most of my pen friends have been from friends asking if I would mind writing. But we have penpal ads here at PTO and have a section for Death Row. Also there are many many sites that have inmate penpals and have a special section for DR.

http://prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=406

As far as their crime, depending on what State the DOC you can find out their crimes online. You also can do a google search on them. But you have to bear in mind you will only get the media and Doc side of the story. Also that won't make them guilty no matter what they are charged and convicted of.

I am not saying they all are innocent, but many are. You can check out our exonerated forum here at PTO.

I have never checked up on any of mine on DR, because it has been so many years most have shared their stories with me.
If they are or DR they have been convicted of one or more murders or a murder and a felony committed at the same time. Or in a few States murder by association, so for me there was no reason for me to look them up.

But I know several penpals that look up all their pals. It is just a matter and what you are comfortable with.

softie

I found my Hubby by way of a Pen Pal ad. I don't know what I would do without him! He's my best friend and soul mate! My Hunny Bunny too!! :O)

I have been looking at getting a DR pen pal, the one I choose and thinking about writing to has been given an execution date, now I am scared if I choose another the same thing will happen. It is sad really because he seems to be quite a genuine person, he was young and stupid but never denied what he did, stood up like a man ...

Pookie I am sorry to hear about your friend. Unfortunately we have to take the bad with the good when writing a DR inmate. For me every time there is an execution it just makes me angry enough to keep going and fighting it.

softie

Dana how is it going with your new pal? Wonderful I hope.

softie

Pookie..Im sorry to hear about your "potential" pal's upcoming date, have you written to him yet?? I feel the same way Softheart does, every time there is another execution, I get so angry and sad. But you have to take the good with the bad. Just think how much you will brighten this man's days?? that outweighs everything!!!

Softheart, things are going good with my new pal and I hope we have a very long friendship, I am so glad I was offered a chance to write this man :)

My pal has made many mistakes, but then again I can count my mistakes as well, were all human. I just love reading his letters, he takes me back in time to where he was, used to be, and I can feel the good times he has had and he loves to reflect on that.

Pookie..Im sorry to hear about your "potential" pal's upcoming date, have you written to him yet?? I feel the same way Softheart does, every time there is another execution, I get so angry and sad. But you have to take the good with the bad. Just think how much you will brighten this man's days?? that outweighs everything!!!

Softheart, things are going good with my new pal and I hope we have a very long friendship, I am so glad I was offered a chance to write this man :)

My pal has made many mistakes, but then again I can count my mistakes as well, were all human. I just love reading his letters, he takes me back in time to where he was, used to be, and I can feel the good times he has had and he loves to reflect on that.

Hi, no I haven`t written to him yet, I regret not doing it sooner now, because I live so far away if he doesn`t get a stay then sadly he wont get to read it, however if there is a stay or change his sentence then I will write. I have sent him a message of support through his web page, I feel really sad for these people that are put to death because of one stupid mistake, I know the victim can never be brought back but I don`t see how killing them will make anything better ...

I had a very bad experience with my first pp who was on the row. I got scammed, got a broken heart because he swore he loved me. Never mind all that.
I strongly believe in writing to DR inmates. They are not all like my bad experience. I took a chance and wrote to another one and he has turned out to be so nice. It's hard though because once they have exhausted their appeals then you know that sooner or later they will be executed. I promised this guy that I would see him through it and I will but it's going to almost kill me too.

I found mine by accident one day just surfing the web. I wasnt planning on ever writing a d/r inmate. But here I am one year later. I will say a lot of them are scam artists, but I personally, have had a good experience. I've learned a lot since I've met mine. Its amazing what people take for granted until its pointed out to them.

I think two major points must be kept in mind when writing to anyone in prison. First of all, trust your gut if you feel someone is trying to exploit you financially or in any other way--there are indeed scam artists out there and if you happen to run into one, don't feel bad about just blowing the user off. Secondly, unless you do have a good reason to end the correspondence, be prepared emotionally and mentally to be "on for the long haul". Letters mean a lot to a prisoner, especially someone who has few or no friends and family and to whom they can literally become a lifeline. It just isn't right to establish a conversation with someone, then quit writing out of apathy or the like. Never forget, when you do find someone who is sincere, just how much your letters might mean to that person. And unless you simply must, don't ever cut them off without at least some explanation.

I have had 2 bad turn outs with DR inmates. I know there must be some that are not users of women.But I do not know how you would know unless a family member of that inmate would tell you about him.

I had a bad experience the first time I wrote to a pp. I really wanted to write to someone on DR because I figured they were more in need of friends. I actually picked the guy I wrote to because in his ad he talked about how honest he was. As it turned out he was the biggest liar, scammer, cheater ever. With 5 pp ads, several women writing and a "fiance". A real con artist. Everything about him was a lie including poetry he SWORE he wrote for me but came up on google.
In retrospect the guys on the row have little choice but to have ads and scam women. If they have no family then where are they to get $$ to survive? Sad to say but they do whatever it takes to get by and if that means lying to women then they do it.
Unfortunately when you write to a guy on the row you take a big chance. There is no way to know for certain that they are on the level until it is too late. The preconceived notion I had about them being needy just is not so. BEWARE !

Well, my DR inmate I just kind of chose!! There was no picture no nothing just something that he wrote!! I think that appealed to me!! There was no color no let me write him becuase he's cute!! But let me write him because he writes well and he needs a friend. I feel bad because I went under some hard times and haven't written him and I know he thinks I just abandoned him!! So, need to get off my butt and write him a letter now that things are okay!! But I picked him for his mind not his looks!! I wanted to be able to have an intellegent conversation even if it was through a piece of paper!

Rule Number 1: Never Trust Someone Who Has To Talk About How "honest" They Are!

i had few dr pp years ago.one ended up hurting me badly,not because he was a very bad guy but he had some issues that he could not get over,the second one,a man i had and still have a lot of affection for has been executed over a year ago.i was so upset about his departure that i swore i would never ever again write to someone in dr(even if i'm anti dp).we all know what happened to michael and his choice. it sadden me so much,that i decided to write to someone in my state,tx. i looked at several ads,choose someone who likes s.king because i like some of his books too.he wrote back and it sound like we clicked(thanks to s king! 4 pages about his books :p ).i'm happy i did write,that we are writing to each other like we are friends since ever.:)

The reason I chose to start writing to 'my' DR pen pal was the fact she's innocent (I know many say they are but she's got the evidence to back up her claims and I totally believe in her innocence) and after reading updates on her well-being from a friend of mine who was already writing to her for a while. I'm very anti-DP but also appalled by the way inmates are treated in the US so all this injustice just made me feel I had to reach out and try to help this woman cope with it all, albeit in a minor way.

Whenever she writes to me how my letters help to keep her going I'm reminded of why I'm doing what I do. She doesn't write as often as I'd like these days and she's been through quite a tough time earlier this year but I'm sticking by her to the very end.

She's my favorite pal and I care a lot about her. Thankfully my friend gets letters from her more regularly so she can keep me up to date, which saves me from fretting and worrying over my pal's well-being. I feel like I'm mothering over her which is funny because she's old enough to be my mother :) I've never for one moment regretted my decision to write to her and let her into my life. Writing to a DR inmate is a truly special experience IMO

I have several DR penpals I received their names from the DEATH ROW PROJECT. It is run by The Brethren but they do not ask you to be of their faith or any faith.they have more people inside wanting penpals.

In retrospect the guys on the row have little choice but to have ads and scam women. If they have no family then where are they to get $$ to survive? Sad to say but they do whatever it takes to get by and if that means lying to women then they do it.


I started a post called scammers and it had many replies. Having written to DR inmates and lived 36 years in the "outside" world one thing I have learnt is that people are people no matter where they reside. Some people are total ratbags and some are lovely and caring.
Not all DR inmates are scumbag scammers the same as not all us free people are nice and rosey.

I have written to 3 DR penpals - one was switched from Death Row to Life due to a change in Federal sentencing laws - I still write to him. My second one started off as a nice guy, but then made me feel guilty about not sending him money because he couldn't afford to write. We had just exchanged about 4 letters and he was asking for money and he gave me an ultimatum, so I stopped writing him. Recently I started writing to a guy in AL who seems very nice and write articulate letters. We've only exchanged four letters now, but he seems promising. :o

my PP didnt ask me to send him money, he only ever asked me to send him a book at christmas, but i thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion that how can i expect him to reply to my letters when he cant work for money or postage or anything, so i asked him how i could send money. He was quite off with me because he didnt expect anything off me, but it's something i felt i wanted to do. I dont send him a lot, about $50 per month. It isnt a great amout to me but i know it makes writing easier for him.

I get asked for money and mostly do not send any buy i write back and let them know I can nooy send them $$

If the guy stops writing when you say you can't or don't feel comfortable sending money, then you know that was all he wanted. I have sent money before -- the most was $40 for a pair of shoes. It was something that was needed and he showed them to me when I visited as well as sent me the receipt, which I didn't ask for, but was cool to show me anyway.

My pp always seems so grateful that someone is taking the time to write him. He's a very caring soul and I coulnd't imagine him ever trying to scam me. He even told me not to send stamps because "I am good". I chose him because I came accross his mugshot and could not forget his face. I write him almost every day. He's amazing.

I was NEVER asked for money, I always offered it to the guys and all of them refused such a help for a long time.
I found real friends and nobody tried to play a game with me. Players are everywhere, inside and outside the walls and all you need is to know and to trust yourself. Its very important when you want to offer support to men who are in such an awful situation. Its not necessary to send money or stamps, but if its possible for you to send something to your pp, you should be able to trust your feelings.
And then go from there and it will be the right way.

I am looking for a DR penpal to write to and would like some suggestions and addresses if anyone would like to give them to me.

Thanks

Well It was something about him like I just had to write!!

And Im soo glad I did write him he is an amazing guy I never thought I could really get this close to someone Ive never met but we are very close!!!!

Im just dreading on the part that one day Im gonna be losing him:cry:

But I try to look past that!!

And Im sorry to hear about you DR Friend But I wish you the best on your new friend:thumbsup:

I write to three men on Death Row. I am a straight man so my experience may differ from many of you. Each of the three have over 10 women each writing to them. This is lovely but one guy tells me that this can become quite competitive as he tells the different ladies about each other. I have tried to tell him that people who write to prisoners are really lovely and he simply must not take advantage of people such as this!

I am looking for a DR penpal to write to and would like some suggestions and addresses if anyone would like to give them to me.

Thanks

Have you checked out the penpals section on this site?

I Chose my pal, as he seemed down to earth,Oh and Cute... Im a sucker for a cute smile! and his ad was just normal, alot of the ads i had read were just too deep i think for me at first... I'm so glad that i did write though, cos we have alot of laughs in our letters....Theres joy and pain sometimes, And i cant wait to get his mail ;) (Just wish it didnt take so long form the uk etc...)

His trial was all over the news here while it was happening, and I read an article about his website, so I visited and decided he'd be an interesting person to correspond with.

i thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion that how can i expect him to reply to my letters when he cant work for money or postage or anything, so i asked him how i could send money.

I'm like that with my DR penpal, and also my man. Neither of them asked for anything, but I send them just enough to cover postage. My friend all seem to think this means I'm getting 'scammed' by them.
I'd agree with them if I was sending lots of money, but to cover postage? Hmm.

I am looking for a DR penpal to write to and would like some suggestions and addresses if anyone would like to give them to me.

Thanks

I think choosing a pen pal is a very personal thing, and as individuals, we choose, because a particular person just strikes a chord with us.
I have researched DR cases for many years, and read articles, letters etc, that inmates had written. I am new to P.T.O. and after all my years working in the field of DP, I finally wrote a letter and sent it, only yesterday (Wednesday). Why did I choose the inmate I did? I can't answer that, I have not researched his case, I know little about him, but I just felt it was "right". He may not reply, my instincts may be way of line, we will have to wait and see.

Look around the DR inmate pen-pal sites, and the forum here, and I am sure the right one, will just happen. You will just know, that inmate is the right one.

Good luck, I hope you find a pen pal, but be warned, putting that very first letter in the mail, is a very difficult thing to do, I shoved it in and ran. :D

i dont send a fortune, but i found out how much the stamps cost, and how many he is allowed and sent that......i think it worked out just under $30. He told me if i sent more he would stop writing, because he dont like taking from me, but i just didnt want to think of him going without basics if you know what i mean.....i know his family struggle and i dont know who else sends him money

I spent 3 months talking to someone about writing to a death row inmate. He wanted to make sure that I understood what I was getting into, the good and the bad. He told me I needed to prepare for him to die. He told me I needed to prepare for what I learn from HIM. I chose the person I wrote off of LampOf Hope. That first person I ever wrote has since been executed. I have written to three others, two have been executed.

Writing to an inamte is not a game. After talking to this person for three months, I went into this THINKING I knew what I was getting into. Boy, was I ever wrong. He barely touched the surface of what to expect when you start writing someone.

But I have NEVER regreted writing that first letter.

I spent 3 months talking to someone about writing to a death row inmate. He wanted to make sure that I understood what I was getting into, the good and the bad. He told me I needed to prepare for him to die. He told me I needed to prepare for what I learn from HIM. I chose the person I wrote off of LampOf Hope. That first person I ever wrote has since been executed. I have written to three others, two have been executed.

Writing to an inamte is not a game. After talking to this person for three months, I went into this THINKING I knew what I was getting into. Boy, was I ever wrong. He barely touched the surface of what to expect when you start writing someone.

But I have NEVER regreted writing that first letter.

Joy, everything you've said is so true. Writing a DR inmate is not a game. It takes special hearts to hang with them. Love is love. It doesn't matter where it lands.

It certainly isn't a game. These guys don't need fair weather friends, they need someone who is there for the long haul. I have a regular DR inmate I write too, before me he had no one. He asks me for nothing, so when I choose to send something, it is a surprise and he is so very grateful. I also am friends with a lifer, and the same applies there. I am so lucky with my pals, as they enrich my life, more than they will ever know. I can only hope I do the same for them.

In one letter from my friend he did comment on he'd had people in the past become good friends with him for a while and then they stop writing. He says he understands that sometimes people come and go and that there are a lot of things to do in the "free" world but it made me feel sad it read that. I put a lot of thought into writing to someone on DR because I don't want to be one more person who disappears from his life.

One must not enter into this sort of correspondence without giving it serious thought first and being determined to follow through with it for the long haul. Remember....if you hit it off with your pen pal, you may well become a lifeline for someone who has been deserted by friends and family, who is regarded as a pariah by society in general. If you send a few letters and can't hack it or decide you're not interested, at least do the right thing and explain yourself before turning away. The letdown caused by people who just "disappear" is, in some cases, almost unbearable.

You may sooner or later be asked some questions you won't likely encounter in a "normal" pen pal situation. Your friend might ask for you help in planning his or her funeral, or ask if you are willing to keep his or her ashes. Grim stuff, to be sure, but be prepared to take it in stride.

We are playing "for keeps" here, make no mistake about that. But in return, be prepared for an intense and honest exchange to and from the heart such as you may never have encountered before and may never again. It is a transforming experience, and if at times there is pain in it, do remember that roses endure at least in part because they have thorns. We who become the confidantes of those under sentence of death receive roses on a regular basis....but yes, there will be times when we will reach out and unknowing, grasp the thorns.