I'm talking about my husband, my life's partner, my best friend! I joined PTO almost a year ago, because he was incarcerated, and I didn't know where to turn. I met a lot of nice and helpful people, and in turn, they helped me too.
My husband came home on the electronic bracelet, and had to wear it for 90 days.
They day that the officer came to the house and took the bracelet off, was on my husbands max date. I remember cooking lunch at the time. When the officer left, so did my husband, and I didn't see him for almost three days.
He started using again, why I dont know. I dont see how a person can be incarcerated for over two years, and the moment they become free, they go right back out there and use drugs!
He tried to convince me that it was just a 'spur of the moment" thing, and that he would stop and get on with his life. Well, that moment has lasted up until now, and I can't take anymore! This happened in January, it's now July!
Thank God that we didn't have any children together, but he does have a 15 year old daughter, that has since run away due to her fathers drug abuse. She ended up with one of her aunts, but seems to go to pillar to post, not staying at one place too long. This is no way for a child of her age to have to live, and I know that his actions have a direct affect on her.
Now about me, I am a dialysis patient. I have been on this for 8 years and some months now. I was on it when I met my husband, and he knew this and still he wanted to get married. I have done two bids with him so far, and have to ask myself, how I can get out of this dilema. I waited for this man, and did everything that I possibly could to help him do his bid.
Right now I need his help. I am ill and I have to have surgery in the coming week. I have no other family other than my own 15 year old daughter. I have a son, but he is currently down South, and in school.
I'm feeling so hurt and angry, that I was there for my husband when he needed me, and now that I need someone in my corner, I cant depend on him.
Even if I don't get an answer for this problem, it feels so good just to be able to vent this problem. I really dont't have many friends to talk too, and actually I become embarassed when I do talk about it.
Someone told me that I could have him comitted to a facility for treatment, but I don't know if that will help him, because you have to want to get sober, in oder for it to happen.
Believe it or not, I still have love for my husband. It's no burning desire, but I do love him.
Anyone out there got any advice for me?
Thanks in advance

charlene

Charlene...That is a tough situation your in...In my personal experience with an addict is that unless they want to change and go into rehab on their own all your doing is wasting money...My ex(we just broke up for some of the reasons you are angry with your husband over) is very selfish...Only thinks about himself and what he can get out of people...He is a crack addict and goes on binges...I know that it isn't easy living with an addict but you need to think about yourself first and focus on getting well...If that means showing your husband some tough love so be it...Stay strong and do some serious soul searching and praying! PM me if you would ever like to talk or just vent some more...Brenda

You can't count on a addict. I know that it only seems fair, and that you've done so much for him, and if you could ask him, I'm sure he'd agree. But once an addict starts using, it's over until he's forced to stop, usually in booking. An addict can't use a little, or for a while, or only sometimes. It just doesn't happen. Since he's already been using 6 months, and since he apparently isn't being monitored, I'm not sure if there's anything you can really do. Call his old agent and ask. But, in light of your health situation, do depend on him for anything. Don't even expect that he won't try to make demands on you while you are recovering. Cut off any money he gets from you, you're gonna need it for yourself. Partly to pay someone to do what he should be doing for you. Cut him loose, at least for the duration of the crisis phase of your illness, you need to focus your energy on getting yourself put together and no matter what he says, he isn't going to help and most likely will actively inhibit your progress. Deal with him later, after you get better. Good luck and PM me, too, if you need to talk.

Thankyou for your words of encouragment, I needed to hear what you are both saying to me. Know what my problem is? I put everyone and everything ahead of me, always have. Maybe I could benefit from some counseling when I have the strength to do it.

I couldn't believe it, I haven't seen or heard from him in a week, and today (this evening) he showed up at the house to see me. He seemed to be shocked to see me in physical pain, as I am really going through something right now. But you are right, and I don't think that he'll be able to help me, and as a matter of fact, I feel uncomfortable, knowing that this is the beginning of the month, where all the bills have to be paid, and I will be in a vulnerable position, if i have to rely on him to manage my business for me.

We'll see what my daughter has learned from me, and I have only her to depend on right now. She can cook, and shop at the grocery store, and I have taught her to pay bills online, and write the check for the rent. I think with my guidance, she can do what I need from her until I get on my feet. SInce this surgery will be "same day" I should be fairly okay, as long as I have something to help with the pain. I told him tonight, that even if he comes here to help me, I would not allow him to acess my accounts or use my debit card. His name is on nothing, so, it's not like he can walk into the bank and ruin me. I just have to keep my guard up. But is that fair? to me?

See what I mean? Confused!! If this were someone elses problem, I would have the answers, and be ready to post! I'm just a mess right now, but thanks for all the concern. It means so much!

charlene

Mrspoo,

You have been given some wonderful advice. An addict will have any excuse to use and drink if he wants to. What might start out as an occasional can often times turn into a daily if not worse addiction once he picks up where he left off. I wish I could say that he will be reliable, but he's probably not going to be. Take care of your health and your daughter. and when you get well, my suggestion is to go find a naranon meeting or alanon meeting in your area which treats the family of alcoholic and drug addicts. You might even benefit from a codepency group. My son's father started and has been back in and out of prison for going on 3 years. Won't quit using and I have had to let him go and take care of myself. It's been an extremely hard road for me full of pot holes and huge dips, and snap out of denial and realize that the only person I can change is myself. Because of his "addiction", I became addicted to him and before I knew it I was caught up back into the addiction of it maybe not drug or alcohol addiction but I was JUST as sick if not sicker. I have recommitted myself to 90 and 90 and I am back working the steps again.

Good luck to you and pm me if you ever need anything. There are some well informed people about addiction here at PTO both from the family sense of it and because of their own adiction and will and can be given wonderful advice.

Addicts care about no one not even themselfs. they only care about the next high. The only way that he can be helped is if he helps himself. The only word that comes to mind is Selfish. I really hope that your surgery goes well and that you are on your feet fast.

IMO the best thing for you to do is let him go. It will hurt but in the long you and your daughter will be better off. You are teaching your daughter some wonderful things to get her though life. But if she sees you like this with him more than likely she will look for a man some what like your husband and go though the same things in life. I have 3 daughters and that is something that I have had to look long and hard at. Their Father is an addict and so was my ex that brought me to this site,I have moved on in life and left the bad boys alone. It took alot to get like this, but in long run you and your daughter are what should come first!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!!

Sunny-What did you say about "denile"? I think that's what I am in, actually I know it. I thought that I would read this thread, this morning, before I go to treatment. I don't know whether to laugh, or to cry, 'cause be told me last night that he would be here by 7am. It's 9am right now, and i'll be leaving as soon as my transportation comes. Bottom line is he can't be trusted, and I can't put stock into anything that he says.
Louis'girl- I know that you're right when you say that I need to let him go, leave him alone. Even though I won't go looking for him, I have that addiction to see him, and to be near him. I know that I can benefit from some counseling, because I feel that due to my illness, I am less of a woman, and have to settle for what I have - and I know that is not true!
There's a n/a meeting right up the street from me at the Church! Best place in the world right? I promise you that as soon as I get the strength, i'll walk up there to a meeting.
I have a favor to ask-
Will you guys please stick with me a few more days 'til I get over this? I am so nervous, today is monday, and I know that in 2 days it will be Wednesday-surgery day! I feel with you guys rooting for me, I can do this!
Thanx
charlene

Charlene...You can do this but you have to focus on yourself and healing...The house won't fall apart in a few days, so what if it's not as clean as you want it...Your daughter sounds more than capable of helping, thats who you need to be depending on...I know all this is easier said than done but have faith, pray, and know that we are all here for you!!! Sending huge hugs and prayers your way!

I still haven't seen him yet. Remember he said that he would be over at 7? Maybe I didn't understand the day that he meant (just kidding).

Wanted to let you all know that the surgery has been postponed. I'm all right, but the doctor forgot to stop me from taking my medication called "Plavix". It's a blood thinner, and if he did the surgery while I'm taking it, it could cause me to bleed to death! So, it has been rescheduled for next Fri Aug 12th. In the meantime, I will stop the medication until then.

This is good because it will give me time to get things together. Actually, today I will not have treatment, but since this is the first of the month, it's time to take care of business. I have decided to let my daughter take care of things anyway, just to see if she can manage. I'll be right beside her to help (if needed).

As for my husband, well I've been reading all of the posts, and I know that all of you couldn't be wrong, and you all say the same thing. I'm gonna leave him where he is and just move on, and really try to "do me".

I know that they say, that everytime an addict starts using again, they reach a new "bottom", but dam! How low can he go????

The last couple of days have been hectic. Although I didn't have my catheter put in, the clinic performed and 'angio" which means they opend up my arm and removed the clot which was clogging it. Usually the procedure is 'uncomfortable,' but this time iit was almost unbearable. I woke up feeling a lot of pain, and very nauseated. They placed a "stent" in my arm, near my elbo, and that is to keep the artery and vein in my arm from collapsing.

Never saw my husband, mon, tue, wed, but Thursday, he decided to show up. He looks terrible. Oh my God! I have never seen him like this before! I know that he has reached a new bottom. But the intention was to catch me off guard I guess, since it was the beginning of the month, and I would have money.
I never went to the bank-sorry-no cash here! See. they gave me medication for the pain, and WE both knew that I would be drowsey, so I decided not to go to the bank. He was angry!
Never asked me about the procedure, if I were in pain, or if I needed anything, -just left!
He really needs some help. He looks smaller than me! I dont think that I could fit his pants, if I were to try them on!
I told his mom, but she says, no, don't call anyone on him, just let him do his thing and then he'll come home. Home? My home? I don't want him here like that no more! He scares me, and I dont know that person. He's not violent with me, never has been, but I still, and afraid.
I want to thank all of your for your continued support!
CHARLENE

Hello,

Let me introduce myself. I'm an alcoholic/addict with a problem named Jim. Not long ago I was once where your husband was, different circumstances, geographical location, and probably drug of choice but nonetheless we both share a common problem. As much as I thought I was special or different from other addicts my problem wasn't. I figured out that I don't have a drinking problem or a drug problem but a thinking problem. There's this lil man that lives in my head and he tells me its ok if I get high and that things will be better like they used to be when we met. I call him Rex and he is a dope head that lies to me all the time. I also have friends that tell me its ok to drink since it is legal as long as you don't drive. My problem is I don't know when to stop drinking and always want to drive regardless. I was sick of tired of being sick and tired. I tried to stop so many times but being sober was almost as bad since my friend Rex wouldn't shut up in my head. After many years of living in fear of drinking and drugging and living in fear of trying to quit I realized no hospital, friend, prison, place, or thing would have cured me from myself. I was truly my own worst enemy because I was also "sorry" all the time to those I cared about when I sobered up. I admitted my life was unmanagable as well as insane and that nothing other than a higher power than myself could cure me of my sickness.

I found my higher power and today I live a much better life and am actually happy and sober. I have a house, a car, and even the same telephone # now for over 6 years!! My wife never thought I had a chance of being anything but in prison or buried in the ground. Today I have learned a different way of life with a simple set of rules and I now feel grateful for every breath I take today.

Sponsor




I'm talking about my husband, my life's partner, my best friend! I joined PTO almost a year ago, because he was incarcerated, and I didn't know where to turn. I met a lot of nice and helpful people, and in turn, they helped me too.
My husband came home on the electronic bracelet, and had to wear it for 90 days.
They day that the officer came to the house and took the bracelet off, was on my husbands max date. I remember cooking lunch at the time. When the officer left, so did my husband, and I didn't see him for almost three days.
He started using again, why I dont know. I dont see how a person can be incarcerated for over two years, and the moment they become free, they go right back out there and use drugs!
He tried to convince me that it was just a 'spur of the moment" thing, and that he would stop and get on with his life. Well, that moment has lasted up until now, and I can't take anymore! This happened in January, it's now July!
Thank God that we didn't have any children together, but he does have a 15 year old daughter, that has since run away due to her fathers drug abuse. She ended up with one of her aunts, but seems to go to pillar to post, not staying at one place too long. This is no way for a child of her age to have to live, and I know that his actions have a direct affect on her.
Now about me, I am a dialysis patient. I have been on this for 8 years and some months now. I was on it when I met my husband, and he knew this and still he wanted to get married. I have done two bids with him so far, and have to ask myself, how I can get out of this dilema. I waited for this man, and did everything that I possibly could to help him do his bid.
Right now I need his help. I am ill and I have to have surgery in the coming week. I have no other family other than my own 15 year old daughter. I have a son, but he is currently down South, and in school.
I'm feeling so hurt and angry, that I was there for my husband when he needed me, and now that I need someone in my corner, I cant depend on him.
Even if I don't get an answer for this problem, it feels so good just to be able to vent this problem. I really dont't have many friends to talk too, and actually I become embarassed when I do talk about it.
Someone told me that I could have him comitted to a facility for treatment, but I don't know if that will help him, because you have to want to get sober, in oder for it to happen.
Believe it or not, I still have love for my husband. It's no burning desire, but I do love him.
Anyone out there got any advice for me?
Thanks in advance

charlene

Sponsor ~ I am so glad that you have found your higher power and are doing so well. I wish you continued success!!!

mspoo ~ Honey, I didn't have any advise for you, but I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. I hope you are able to get yourself healthier, and happier. You deserve it.

As for your husband, I hope he gets on the road that Sponsor found!! I really do. But until he does, you can't put yourself through that, so you need to do what's best for you and your daughter.

My man was really strung out before he got locked up. I've never been one to use drugs, I've been afraid of losing control of them because I have seen so many fall to them. I told my man that I wouldn't stand for it, when I found out he was doing drugs, so he hid it. Eventually he could not hide it anymore so I gave him the ultimatum, me or the drugs, he broke my heart and chose the drugs. I hate to accept that decision and walk away. After months of not seeing him, he hit his all time low and robbed a bank to get money to buy more drugs. A little while after that something happened, I don't know what, that made him decide to put himself in rehab. Not long after that he looked me up again, but right when we were getting ourselves back on track they found out he robbed that bank and took him to prison.

At the time I thought prison was the best thing for him, and we both agree that is so. But it's been a long, tough battle (as I'm sure you are no stranger to). And, although I know he loves me and he wants to do right, and I'm hoping and praying for our lives together to be as planned, I still often worry that he will not be strong enough to fight off the disease that is addiction.

I pray for you, lady, and hope that things start getting better in your life.

Mspoo, I just wanted to tell you that my thoughts are with you today and will be until you have your surgery and we all know you are fine. I wish there was a way to reach out and give you a hug. Hugs are always helpful in times of need. I can tell by your posts you are a stong person! I am sorry that your hubby is putting so much stress on you at this time! Keep focused on yourself and stay strong girl!
My honey is also an addict. He tells me all the time how he is done with meth and that when he gets out his life will be different and that I shouldn't worry about him going back to it. I still worry and have fears that some day he might! I pray he doesn't! And will do all I can to support him and try to keep him off of it!
You are in my thoughts hun, stay strong and please keep us updated after your surgery!
:grouphug: for ya,
Jessica

Mrspoo - sending good wishes for your surgery! And future.

I worked for a man who was on dialysis for about 6 years before kidney transplant surgery - You're using a lot of strength just to keep going, so don't let him rob you of any of it. Moving on is a perfectly logical response to what you're going through. No-one knows where bottom is for anyone else. One of my brothers found bottom at 18, and one, who's now 54, hasn't found it yet. So "doing you" is the best response to a difficult situation, and Brava To You for going ahead and doing it.

Good Morning!
They say that the surgery was/is a success! Can't tell by me, cause I feel like my belly, is about to drop off! But, I know I'm on my way to something better, I pray for it.
My husband is here, truly a bad move. He showed up on Thursday night, and said that he was here to help me with the surgery. He was so out of it, 'til he could barely stand up on his feet. When it came time to leave for the hospital, I asked him was he coming too, and he asked me "where"? So, I knew that he would not be there for me. But my daughter, she was there.
I left him here, asleep, and when I got back, he was still in the same position. His feet were hanging off the bed, and you can see, blisters upon blisters, on the bottom of his feet, and even cuts, on top of his feet-what's that about? I know that "weight wise", he is smaller than me-he looks a mess. I have to go to treatment today, they will only do a 2 hour treatment this morning, instead of 4- just to drain off extra fluids.
but I am sure that he will still be in the same position when I return. He'll probably sleep through today too.
I wish that he would wake up and ask to go to a rehab! I really do. I wish that I could call somebody and have them come and get him, and treat him.
I want to thank everyone, who sent up prayers for me, I know that God is "still" in the blessing business!
I need to get ready to leave, hope to talk later,

Charlene

I'm so sorry for you. I've read all the posts. I too am an alcoholic/addict in grateful recovery. When I was ripping and running, no one thought that I had a chance. Now, I hold a job (for a year now) have a car and a house. See, we can get better. Everyone's bottom's are different. We always have just one more run... the last one..... I'm hoping that your husband makes the right choice. Practice tough love. It wasen't until the door locks were changed on me and everyone ( I mean everyone) turned their backs on me that I realized that I wanted to get help. I did and I'm so glad today for this. Good luck, I wish I was near you to help you. I honestly would.

Feeling Blue? Yeah, I feel blue-I am also a little sore still from the surgery. But day by day-it does feel better. So, so sorry that I ever considered my husband as a person to help me through this. Think I've finally learned my lesson.
At night, I take medication for pain, that definately puts me to sleep. My daughter heard my husband knock at the door, so she let him in. He must have come into the bedroom, so she assumed that he was going to bed. He went into my purse, took the last $10, that I had, and took my visa debit card, and left.
I was having really bad dreams, and woke up, and realized that he had been there. I checked my purse and immediately called the bank to put a stop on my card. The gentleman that answered the phone at the bank, was asking me to please be calm, that the card had been stopped and that no transactions were made on the account, so there was nothing to worry about.
Not true!
I called the police to report the incident, and to say that he had taken ny card. I decided to look online (myself) to check my balance, and saw where a withdrawl had been made for $140! I called the bank again, and the police had arrived by that time. The bank, told the officer, that the transaction had been done at the 7-eleven, a few blocks from my home.
I informed the teller on the phone that the card had been reported stolen, and that no transactions should be approved on that card! She assured me that the card was stopped, and that I could go into the bank, and fill out the forms to have my money returned.
When I got up this morning, I checked my account again, and found that he had made another withdrawl for $20!
I just got back from the bank and the police station. The bank says that I have to wait until tomorrow, to at least let the computer come up with all the information concerning the time, dates, withdrawls etc. They shoud have to return my money to me, as they gave me a printout where they show, me calling the bank at 2:11am- when I made the report. The withdrawls, were done afterwards,- when the card should have been stopped. They could not provide an excuse, as to why this card was never stopped!
The police say that I need to "try" to get a restraining order against him. They say that it is for physical abuse, and mental, in some cases. If this isn't mental-what is? They say other than that, there is nothing that I can do to him, by us being legally married.
I know I don't want him in my house any more. I have called his mother and his sister, to tell them. I know that there is nothing that they can do about this situation, but if he is picked up and/or incarcerated behind this, there would be no reason to get angry with me . They said that they understood, and for me to do what I have to do.

Got a postcard in the mail today. It was from my husband, you know, the kind of postcard that they give you when you go to the county jail for arrest? Yeah, He got arrested on Thursday morning, aroung the time that I was out to the police station, and to the bank, concerning my money.
Now he wants to talk to me. Wants to explain everything! Like there's a "reasonable" explanation for what he has done to me. Wants me to come there for a visit and talk.
I honestly think that he should admit to the court, that he is an addict, and is in need of rehabilitation.
This arrest has nothing to do with him taking my card, and using it at the ATM. It has nothing to do with me. He could be facing a lot of time.
As for me. I don't know what I intend on doing about this, I mean there is really nothing that I can do.
I feel like i'm frozen, and can't move. Physically, I feel a whole lot better, even had my stitches removed today. But emotionally, I'm stuck, frozen!

Mrspoo - congratulations on healing!! Now finish the process by filing for divorce, and while you're at it, put one of those "I am not responsible for the debts of xxxxx" notices in the papers in your area. Then you and your daughter can get into forward gear!!

Mrspoo-I'bve read all your posts.I'm glad your feeling physically better. Now no matter how hard it is to do you have to think about what is best for you and your daughter! Your in my prayers. Keep us posted

Three more postcards have now come, all of them saying basically the same thing....I need you.
I even got a phone call from a bailbondsman, telling me that he can free my husband for a mere $1900.00! I asked him if he were out of his mind, and where did he get my phone number. He said that he got it from my husband, that he called his office. So, I told him, when my husband calls back, for him to ask him exactly where I should get this money to bail him out?
The postcards, all say to me, of how much he really loves me, and that for me to remember that I am still his wife, and asks, if I still have any love in my heart for him. He asks me to just write him, that he will take even a rejection, just for me to say someting to him. (what a crock of sh--)
Between the phone calls and the postcards, I've already had enough, just what does he want from me? What can I do about his situation? Nothing!
Court was on Friday for him, but I have no idea just how that went. I really would like for him ask for inpatient rehabilitation. That would be best for him, providing , that is his wish to deal with that problem.
I know that some of you may not agree with my next step, but I feel I must do this in order to at least move on with my life.
I have decided to go to the county jail, and see him, talk to him, if only for 20 minutes, and I have made an appointment for Tuesday for the visit. It wont interfere with my treatment, and it is really the only time available this week for me to see him.
You see, I have something that I really must talk to him about. This does concern both of us, and I think we need to address this topic face to face. Since I have opened this thread, I might as wee just keep going, and pray that you'll giude me the right way, 'cause you know that I am in a state of confusion.
He has a 16 year old daughter that is just running wild, but he has custody of her. Her mother is also an addict, but lives in Phila (just across the bridge) The mother asked for some time with this child, but now, I know that the child is no longer with her, and running the streets on her own with no giudance!
I cannot be responsible for this child for several reasons
1. I am too ill to deal with her foolishness
2. she leaves whenever she gets ready , and I can't be bothered with a runaway, it's too stressful, and I cannot control her
There is no way that her mother can get custody now, as she is still using drugs, and as much as I would hate to do it, I will have to turn her over to the state, as no other family person is willing to step forward and help. The child has a host of relatives on both sides of the family, but she has stolen, robbed , and lied horribly to all of them, and they will not help. Instead, they try to inform me that the burden now lies with me as I am the legal wife, so that makes me next of kin.
If you're still reading my thread, then I still need you help

charlene

Wow, Mrspoo! You expect advice?? I think all I have is sympathy.

The simplest fact is that you are in a precarious physical situation yourself. wThat has to be managed before anything else can happen. If that doesn't mesh with taking care of his daughter, then she goes to the state. That's cold, yes, but she's got two completely useless parents, and they've taught her how to behave. You can't. Maybe a foster program or state school can. Maybe not. Either way, if I recall correctly, you've got your own daughter to take care of, and yourself. That's enough, without having to try to clean up someone else's mess. I'm sympathetic toward his daughter, but it just can't be your job.

Keep healing!

You need to take care of yourself FIRST, and do not feel any guilt in not being able to take on any more stressful situations......DO NOT let anyone use you. Be strong!!! In the long run, you won't regret it.

Other posters have said it better than I, - She is not your issue. You and YOUR daughter need to come first. Period.
As for going to visit him, you have to do what you have to do, right? Personally, I would just write him to let him know that she is running wild, and see what sort of solution HE comes up with. He made the mess- let him figure it out.
I wouldn't bless him with a visit.

mrspoo
As far as going to see him you are the only one that can make that decesion.You and you alone know what you have to do to move on with your life. Just don't let him manipulate you stick to what you want and need to do. Know that no matter what you decide we're here for you.
As for his daughter...I agree with the others you need to take care of yourself first. I think of my 16 year old stepdaughter that lives with us and is out of control what would i do if something happened to her father. Even though I love her I don't think I could handle her alone. By putting her in care you actually might be doing the best thing for her in the long run. She is still young and can change her life around.
My thoughts are with you. Pm me anytime if you need to talk
judie

mrs Poo I Read All Through All The Post In Here I Am Praying For Your Healing Within In Order For You To Move Forward With Your Life And Am Praying For Your Health God Bless You I Am Married To An Ex Addict That Is Currently Incarcerated I Am Praying To The Good Lord In Heaven That When He Comes Home He Comes Home I Have Concerns That When He DOES !That All That Has Happened To You Can Happen To Me Also! I Am Sure Anyone Who Is Married To Someone Who Used Before Going In Or Just Dating Them I Know Thats Their Main Concern Also, But Unfornuatly There No Way To Know Til They Come Home And What A Nightmare To See Someone Who Is Suppose To Be One With You Slowly Destroy Themselves God Bless You And I Am Keeping You In My Prays

mrspoo, please don't take on the responsibility of a 16 year old uncontrollable addict.:slap: i took in a 15 yr old stepson trying to help him out and both he and my son ended up in jail.:angry: my son is now 20 and learned his lesson but my stepson is now in prison. :( you have to think of your own daughter right now and what kind of influence this will have on her. it never works the other way around. in your shoes, hate to say it, but i would visit too. just to let him know that even though you love him, he will have to be responsible for his own actions and with your health problems you are just not capable of dealing with him at this point. keep us informed.

I know that God does work in mysterious ways. I had an appointment to see my husband at the county on Tuesday at 2pm. When I got off the bus, I ran into his daughter's aunt(her mothers' sister)We had talked for a while, prior to me going to my visit with him. See, his daughter had run away from home, maybe 4 months ago. I reported her leaving to the police, but my husband did nothing about the situatuion. His reply, was that she is like her mother, and let her go! I know that she failed this year in school, and will have to repeat her grade if she is returned to school. But, as a mother, I was concerned about her welfare, after all, she still is a minor, and someone has to be accountable for her. Her aunt, knows about the situation with her, and has also been a victim of her thefts and lies. But she said that she has talked to her, and offered her a place to live and a chance to return to school. The only thing is, she would have to apply for custody, and sue my husband for child support.
I told her to do it, and go ahead with the suit for support!
The visit was okay, he acutally looked a whole lot better then he has been. WE only had 20 minutes to talk, so I tried to cover a lot of ground.
Basically, he is asking for rehabilitation, but has not seen the judge as of yet. He did ask if I could call his Public Defender, and see if he could assist in having him placed. When he asked about "us" I told him I would not even consider it, until he had spent time (considerable time) in an inpatient facility for his addiction. He said that he understood, and agreed.
When I told him about his daughter, and my conversation with her aunt, he also saw that, as a blessing, and said, that the best thing, would be for them to take custody of her, and take him to court for child support. I also told hiim that I would not be coming to the visits that often, and that I am concentrating on my recovery of my surgery, and treatment of dialysis.

Mrspoo,
I have been reading your story, and my heart goes out to you and your daughter. You are a brave and strong woman. I too have went through living and loving someone that is an addict.. I have not had the courgage to post my story as of yet. It is still very new to me.. But I want you to know that you have help in my recovery in dealing with it. I understand every emotion that you are dealing with and feel everything that you are going through and will go through. I understand the need to see him, and the need to believe that just maybe? I wish that my hubby would get picked back up and put in jail
perhaps even prison again.. At least I would know that he is ok and alive. i will stay in touch with your story and many blessing to you and your daughtet. I think now maybe I can post my story....

with love
Tina

I've been a little busy, with training and all, concerning, taking dialysis at home. I was a little apprehensive at first, but I have caught on. The main thing is to be extremely sanitary. I'm doing my best.
Need to tell you that I had another visit on Tuesday, couldn't keep the one on Thursday, due to training. He looks a lot better, and we had a good talk. God help me, I'm being pulled in by his magnet again!
He didn't ask for money on his books, but he is asking for help with an attorney. He says that the person who is assigned to him from the Public Defenders office, is only telling him about how much time he is being faced with. He wants his own attorney, but I told him that I could not afford that, I'm only on disability, how could I pay for that. He claims that he talked to an attorney who would accept payments.
He had this woman call me, and she said what he said, but, I really can't afford this, and he knows that. She says that he would definately do some time, but that she cannot guanentee, how much time?
I talked to her about his addiction, and let her know that this is his first charge for drugs, but that he is an addict, and needs to be rehabilitated, and wants to go to a rehab.
The attorney really didn't have anything positive to say about that, so I am asking, if anyone has some advice for me about having him placed in a state approved facility.
One more thing, school is back in session now, and I recieved a phone call from my father-in-law. Seems like my husbands daughter was picked up by the police 3am on Wednesday night! The police released her into his custody, but by mornig she had run away again! He went to the police and fileds a missing persons report, but, gave my address as her last known address! I was really upset, because this child has a host of other relatives that have allowed her to stay at their house since she ran away from here in April.
I have decided that if the police find her again , and bring her to me, I will have to tell them to place her in a facility. Why would her grandfather try to place resonsibility on me again, and knows of my situation,and my ailments?

Mrs. Poo - glad the healing is progressing, and, yes, sterile procedure is a bear - until it's just a habit. It will certainly save you time and travel to dialyze at home!

Please (pleasepleaseplease) don't get yourself involved in your husband's problems again. He's still showing no concern for anyone but himself. YOU need to do this and that and whatever . . . oh yeah???? Why? You were right in one of your old posts to say it would only be after a loooong time in a rehab that you could think of letting him back into your life - stick to it!! Meantime, he's burned his bridges, don't you think? He's done nothing at all to pay you back emotionally for the harm he's done, so why do you owe him?

I have been in contact with mrs poo by phone. She has been having problems and is hoping to get back on line soon. I promised her that I would keep this thread open for her and let you all know that she is thinking of all of you.

It's been a while since I have been online. There are some very nice people in this world. Nimuay and Strongmom, are two of those very nice people.
Court for my husband was last week. I went, and watched as they led him in the courtroom, he got sentenced to 3 years with parole eligibility in 16 months. When the public defender told me what his sentence would be, my husband turned to me and asked me if I would be there along with him. I couldn't react! I just said to him "Do your time".
That morning, when the public defender first arrived at the courtroom, I got a chance to speak to him. I had asked about the possibility of my husband being placed in a rehab instead of prison. His response to me, was that the court was not interested in rehabilitating my husband, but their interest was to punish him!
I hope that he tries to help himself grow, and overcome his addiction, this time. I am giving my attention to myself, and my medical treatments, and of course my daughter. This time together, alone, is very special to me, even while I'm taking my treatment, and we talk, or I'm teaching her a crochet stitch, or we're fixing a meal together...it's special to me.
I wish that we were all togehter, as a family, but that is not possible. I thank God for what I have.

My brother did five years for being a user that turned into a bank robber. He was out several weeks when he was arrested again, went back to prison did five more years, was out three months. Committed several more crimes and was using. Now has been in for eight and has 20 more to go. He had plenty of family support. We lined up a good job for him, provided housing, transportation, money. But it did not make any difference. I know this sounds depressing, but some people just can't be helped. My brother's teenage daughter, who is beautiful and smart, became a cutter when she was 16. Thank god she is ok now. I have no answers for you. But you are in my prayers, as is your husband.

Reading this makes me think of my husband and our situation and I wonder the same thing, how can you go so long and then get out and run right back to it. I could see if the person was under extreme stress but to automatically go back, or to start talking about doing it again before you get out.

I like chocolate and there are times I feel as if I would kill for it (kidding) but I do not rob and sell out every one just to obtain it.

MrsPoo, how is everything going for you this week ? How is your health ? Im glad you have this peace right now and are able to spend quality time with your daughter without the fear of him arriving when he pleases to disrupt your life.

Mrspoo - I am soooo glad to see you back!!! Your heart sounds broken, but your soul and your brain are going great!

Luv ya

I'm physically feeling alot better this week, than last week. I went to see my doctor, and he gave me the 'flu shot'! OMG, that was the first time that I evr felt the effects from a shot, and it made me sick all weekend.
Prior to that, I had to go to the county, and tell my husband, that his Aunt died. This is the woman who had raised him, for a good part of his life, and he considers her as his mom. He was truly heartbroken, and I have never seen him so upset, actually, I have never seen my husband cry or shed any tears, until now. The visit is only 20 minutes, and he cried for over 10.
It's always an issue with me huh? Well here's the latest one. My husband asked me to call DYFUS, and see if they have found his daughter yet. I did what he asked me to do, and boy oh boy am I sorry that I did that. Those people kept me on the phone for 2 hours!
They wanted to know if I would keep her in my home and I said no. I told them that she was here in my home 3 different times, and during 2 of those stays, her father was not here. She is a runaway, a thief, she lies excessively, skips school, and I am too sick to deal with these issues.
Then they asked me if I had a daughter of my own, and I said yes. I told them that my daughter does not give me any trouble, and as a matter of fact, she helps me with my illness, and it's treatment.
My husband has temporary custody of his daughter, he got it in Dec 2004.
The court omitted my name on the document, and when I asked the Judge about it, he said that I had no custody of this child, and that if I wanted my name on the papers, that i would have to apply for custody again with my husband.
Now, DYFUS, is trying to tell me that I am responsible for this child, as I am his wife. I told them "NO", because her mother is still alive, and only a few miles away in Phila. They threatened to call authorities about the situation, and I told them to do whatever they had to do, but I was not going to take her in my home, again!
Her father is asking that they put her in a group home. I have to really wonder this time. He just got 3 years, but parole eligibility in 16 months.
This means that by the time he gets out, she will be 18 years old, and he will no longer be responsible for her. Are all these people trying to leave me "holding the bag"?

Mrspoo - It's not so much that they're trying to leave you holding the bag, but that a) THEY don't want to hold the bag either, and b) their official goal is to place as many kids with family as possible.

How is your home dialysis going? Are you feeling better for being able to do it at home?

I believe that you are righ in what you are saying. But, one thing for sure, is that I will not be keeping her! I refuse to.
Thanks for asking me about the treatments, I've been doing fairly well, but it did take some adjustments. Each day I feel a little better. I can notice the difference. I have found that I dont need as much medication, and had to change my prescriptions around. You're more dependent on blood pressure medications when they do dialysis at the clinic.
Ya know what? I told him yesterday that I refuse to take up his 'slack' while he is in prison, and that he could have been a bigger man and took care of HIS child.