I know my family passes judgement on my husband because of the way he dresses and talks. They think he is a violent person and a drug dealer. They have never said more than 10 words combined to him and completely ignore him when he says hi. I was just wondering if anyone else has to explain thier man to other people cuz they are being wrongly stereotyped.

My parents used to have negative thoughts associated with black men because of my ex-husband. Our relationship was awful so they assumed that every black man would treat me the same. It has been an on-going process but I think they are finally coming around. In my case, it is probably one of those situations of misunderstandings and lack of knowledge. After a while, actions will speak louder than words.

My parents used to have negative thoughts associated with black men because of my ex-husband. Our relationship was awful so they assumed that every black man would treat me the same. It has been an on-going process but I think they are finally coming around. In my case, it is probably one of those situations of misunderstandings and lack of knowledge. After a while, actions will speak louder than words.
I have to agree with Amy. What she said here is basically how it was/is with my parents. The first IRR I was in was horrible...he was abusive (mentally & physically) and they "sensed" it from the beginning...which was why they hated it. I thought they disapproved of us...or disliked him cause he was black...but, they said it wasn't that cause of the fact my sister is married to a black guy. I didn't believe them and stayed with the guy...until I realized they were right about it (it took me almost being killed). With Kevin, they didn't like him cause of his situation. They automatically assumed he was a monster or something cause he was in prison :rolleyes: but, they started seeing how he treated me and so forth...and they came to accept him. Do they like it? No...I don't know if they ever will...they don't "like" my sister's choices either..but, they have no choice but to accept it. Like Amy said...the turning point for them accepting Kevin & me...was his actions. Actions do speak louder than words...I just didn't realize that when I was younger.

Sel

A LOT of people "assume" that my husband is a racist because he is white, has tons of tatts, is a biker and because some sects of our religion are racist. He definitely is NOT!

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when he PROUDLY shows pics of his biracial grandchildren. ;) Guys are quite suprised when they see the pics.

Whats even "funnier" is that these kids are not even related to him. After 18 years of separation, his former girlfriends daughter STILL calls him Dad and shows her children pics of him and tells them that this is Grandpa!. He and I both look forward to being grandparents to the kids when he comes home! However, he does not tell anyone that his "daughter" and her children are not even related to him - other than in his heart!

Well just because a man has bi-racial grandchildren and shows their pictures doesn't mean he isn't racist.......I only say that because I had one girl tell me she had 18 black people in her family which I thought was odd she knew the number so well but the obvious point I am making is that she was automatically defensive about. The actions of individuals speaks louder than any other message that can be sent and I would definately say that just because a man has tatts shouldn't be reason either because there are just as many from other races that do the same entire thing; stereotypes suck anyways especially when your loved one is locked up they assume them to be the worse person on earth not the fact that they made decisions in their lives and end up paying the price for those decisions. I know people that have committed the same crime my husband has and never get caught and think that because they didn't get caught they aren't a criminal. Just like when they have CSC charge and everyone assumes it was against a child......

Well just because a man has bi-racial grandchildren and shows their pictures doesn't mean he isn't racist......
I have to respectfully disagree here. If someone is showing pics of his bi-racial grandchildren then that means he is proud of them as they are. A racist person not only wouldnt be proud, but wouldnt brag to others that he has bi-racial family members. IMO braggin about your bi-racial grandchildren would ruin your image if you were truely a racist.

I only say that because I had one girl tell me she had 18 black people in her family which I thought was odd she knew the number so well but the obvious point I am making is that she was automatically defensive about..
To me it sounds as if maybe she has had to defend her family in the past. Its no differant then loving someone in prison. We spend so much time defending against those who disagree that we are automaticly defensive even when we dont have to be. Sometimes its hard to know who might take our situation and who wont so we tend to start out defensive to everyone

I have to respectfully disagree here. If someone is showing pics of his bi-racial grandchildren then that means he is proud of them as they are. A racist person not only wouldnt be proud, but wouldnt brag to others that he has bi-racial family members. IMO braggin about your bi-racial grandchildren would ruin your image if you were truely a racist.

DITTO!

Stacy

I happen to know people (and I will say I am NOT proud to admit this) that actually belong to the KKK. People that actually pay membership dues...and they would NEVER show off pictures of anything bi-racial. There is a differencew between having an opinion and being a racist. I think for the most part, the ones that we consider racist actually have opinions...because the ones tha that are racist (I mean in an actual hate group of some sort) wouldn't even give you the time of day to speak. Always remember though, people can pass judgement about someones walk, someones talk, someone appearance, but only you can choose to LISTEN to it!

DITTO!

Stacy

I guess I should have explained why I feel the way I do about the showing picture thing and that is only because anyone that has had to deal with MDOC knows that there is alot of racism within from the inmate to the c/o all others in between and I wouldn't be proud to say but that it is the only place where any other race is outnumbered by the black man depending on the amount of time they're doing alot of men/women have taught themselves to adapt so of course they aren't gonna want to make waves.....but everyone focused on what I said about the pictures when I also said that because he has tattoo's shouldn't mean anything because just as many black and hispanic men as well as other cultures have alot tattoo's. Honestly I enjoy a variety of people so what a person looks like doesn't matters to me....I've had to deal with being searched differently because I am a black woman; when my friend who is white received better treatment than I did and was searched right before me. We all have a different point of view because we all have different experiences but I do agree that stereo typing is really ignorance because someone judging isn't even giving a person a chance to prove themselves as an individual.

I think they're a lot of stereotypes, and it does hurt. Not only do the looks and whispers bother the other person, but they can be hurtful to you also. I just tell him not to worry about it, as long as WE LOVE EACH OTHER, it doesn't matter what they think. I remember when I got pregnant my father came to me, telling me he was no good and would leave me, but I didn't listen...about two years ago he came to me and apologized and said he really IS a GOOD MAN and I'm sorry, and that color didn't have anything to do with it. That felt great!

Honestly stereotyping/racism has never truly been an issue in NYC until 2001(you all know why:( ). We're now getting stopped in subways because of what went down in London. Now I'm not ignorant enough to say that it doesn't exist it's just that it's not so much out of the closet like it is in New Jersey or Conneticut. Racist Mf's who don't keep their f'ed up views to themselves had a history of catching a fist in their mouth or something worse. Especially in my neighborhood. (Which is comprised of Haitian, African-American, Puerto Rican, Dominican, Cuban, Jewish, Polish, Russian, Chinese. Japanese, Korean and Vietnamese people!)

My Man and I literally grew up in the same apatment building. So we're racially different but culturally the same.

I love New York!:D

I have to respectfully disagree here. If someone is showing pics of his bi-racial grandchildren then that means he is proud of them as they are. A racist person not only wouldnt be proud, but wouldnt brag to others that he has bi-racial family members. IMO braggin about your bi-racial grandchildren would ruin your image if you were truely a racist.

I have to respectfully disagree with you. Racism is not black and white, meaning it only comes in two extremes. There are varying degrees of racism we all hold. Most of us who have been with non white mates have had to learn about this, most who havent had non white mates do not understand. We live in a society of white privelege and unless you have lived without the privelege, it is hard to see.

A LOT of people "assume" that my husband is a racist because he is white, has tons of tatts, is a biker and because some sects of our religion are racist. He definitely is NOT!

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when he PROUDLY shows pics of his biracial grandchildren. ;) Guys are quite suprised when they see the pics.

Whats even "funnier" is that these kids are not even related to him. After 18 years of separation, his former girlfriends daughter STILL calls him Dad and shows her children pics of him and tells them that this is Grandpa!. He and I both look forward to being grandparents to the kids when he comes home! However, he does not tell anyone that his "daughter" and her children are not even related to him - other than in his heart!
People have assumed because I am white, have tons of tats and am a punk that I am racist. Their jaws sure do drop when they find out that my husband is black. My husband was working at a shop with some skin heads when we first got together. I took my car in there to get fixed and a couple of them were commenting on all the great band stickers on my car and one tried to hit on me. It really blew their minds when I walked into the office and gave my honey a big kiss. Just goes to show you that looks don't mean ****.

Well just because a man has bi-racial grandchildren and shows their pictures doesn't mean he isn't racist.......I only say that because I had one girl tell me she had 18 black people in her family which I thought was odd she knew the number so well but the obvious point I am making is that she was automatically defensive about. The actions of individuals speaks louder than any other message that can be sent and I would definately say that just because a man has tatts shouldn't be reason either because there are just as many from other races that do the same entire thing; stereotypes suck anyways especially when your loved one is locked up they assume them to be the worse person on earth not the fact that they made decisions in their lives and end up paying the price for those decisions. I know people that have committed the same crime my husband has and never get caught and think that because they didn't get caught they aren't a criminal. Just like when they have CSC charge and everyone assumes it was against a child......
I think what you are saying can be true. I have always known that my grandparents are racist and they forced my aunt to stop dating a black man when she was younger. When I got with my husband they didn't say a word to me about him being black because they know I can't be bullied and I'd tell them to go to hell. They are racist as a rule but individually they make exceptions, it is bull****. They have been nothing but nice to my husband and my grandpa made a point of spending time with him and they get along well. They are still racist but I know they do love my husband. It is ****ed up really. Now that I am pregnant they have made a point of going out of their way to show their support. They have done more to help me than they have any of their other grandkids. I think they are trying to show me they are ok with my baby. Racism is a twisted thing, I don't get it at all.

To me stereotypes, come in both positive and negative varieties, with a single group often being the subject of both simultaneously. Positive: Fat people are jolly, good-looking people are sociable, blacks are athletic, Jews are smart, the English are classy and German are efficient. Negative: Scandinavians are morose, blondes are dumb, blacks are lazy, Jews are pushy, the English are undersexed and have bad teeth, Mexican are lazy, French don’t wash. Stereotypes blind us to individual characteristics. They reduce individuals to a rigid, inflexible image; they do not account for the fact that human beings are complex and multidimensional, with unique attributes. Stereotypes about human beings tend to dehumanize people, placing all members of a group into one, simple category.

I happen to know people (and I will say I am NOT proud to admit this) that actually belong to the KKK. People that actually pay membership dues...and they would NEVER show off pictures of anything bi-racial. There is a differencew between having an opinion and being a racist. I think for the most part, the ones that we consider racist actually have opinions...because the ones tha that are racist (I mean in an actual hate group of some sort) wouldn't even give you the time of day to speak. Always remember though, people can pass judgement about someones walk, someones talk, someone appearance, but only you can choose to LISTEN to it!


I gotta ask you girl, when is your man coming home to u?