Do you ever try to ignore the difference and ask people what they are looking at? Is it me that just considers my husband, a man, and a husband and not a specific race?

I have since I joined PTO just passed this forum by and never looked or thought about it at all. It was my husband recently that made the comment about his race that made me think that maybe I should stop in and see if I ignore things or have no observation skills. I asked, as my husband said something about his color, if his color mattered, and what did it matter? Am I just being simple and seeing only the good? I have been in this since 1985, maybe I am now callous.

I tend to be that way myself. It rarely crosses my mind that he is black until someone else mentions race. I am with you, he is a man, a husband...not a black man, not to me.

With my husband we both acknowledge the difference and appreciate it. I get to learn about his culture and he gets to learn about mines. But it isnt a daily issue with us because I fell in love with him and married him for the person and not the appearance.....even though I love that too :). But I think that you're not being callous at all , you've been with him for a long time.

I think love is blind and you dont see what others see. You only see a man you are madly in love with. Its no differant then any other thing that makes two people differant. When you are in love you dont see those differances the way others might. Its the same as age, weight, apearance or anything else. We love and are loved not for what we look like, but for who they/we are.

I never really noticed the differences between my husband and I. As with you, I fell in love with my husband because of the man he is not for the race he is. One thing that I do though is ask him to speak to me in spanish from time to time But that's only because he sounds so sexy doing it.;) That's not a request I make because of his race. It's because it's a different language. Our differences have never come up as a issue between us. I think that I have to confront the fact that he's an inmate more than the fact that he's Puerto Rican and I'm Black.

Race is never an issue with us either nor to anyone around us really. I agree, I have to defend his where abouts, but never his race. Between us, we never even discussed it till he went to prison and they classify races...but I love this man with all of my heart and I would even if he was purple. I love him for who he is!

With my husband we both acknowledge the difference and appreciate it. I get to learn about his culture and he gets to learn about mines. But it isnt a daily issue with us because I fell in love with him and married him for the person and not the appearance.....even though I love that too :). But I think that you're not being callous at all , you've been with him for a long time.


I completely agree...well said!

I tend to be that way myself. It rarely crosses my mind that he is black until someone else mentions race. I am with you, he is a man, a husband...not a black man, not to me.
I completely agree! Couldn't have said it any better myself, girlie! :thumbsup:
I fell in love with Kevin cause of how he made me feel...and for who he was...not what race he was.

My honey doesnt notice it one little bit. Im mixed race (1/2 black & 1/2 white)... He always refers to me as a BLACK woman, which just isnt the case. Me... I note it, but it flows naturally and i dont dwell on the fact that we're different races. hes just the man that i love, to me.

I do not ignore it because to ignore it is to say it is not important. My ethnicities are part of who I am and make up me and the same for my lifer. It is a part of us. So in that sense it is important to acknowledge it and respect it. For example I am learniong Spanish in part because of him. I want to teach his children and speak to him in Spanish. So it is acknowledged.

Do I dwell on it? No! Do others? Maybe, probably...depends on the person observing us. I feel strong enough in who I am not to allow them to interrupt my life though.

I dont ignore it, infact I dont even notice race anymore. He is a man first, then a black man. I only notice when we get "looks" from other people.

The only differene I notice,
pay attention to,
or think about is
that he is still on one side of the glass and I am on the other.
:(

I do that. I used to be a teacher and one of my student's mothers had remarried a black man and she was white. The kid knew my husband was black and asked if my daughter ever got embarrassed- he didn't specify about what. So I acted like I had no idea what he was referring to and I forced him to say it. Then I told him no way, she loved her stepfather, and such a thing never even occurred to me. (Which it hadn't until his dumb a*& mentioned it!)

As I've mention I'm Black, my man is white(Italian)
Race was NEVER a factor with us. He never made comments like "oh I love me some chocolate" or "I need a sistah to turn me out":rolleyes: . He looked at me for who I was and not what I was. I did the same for him.
The only time that we are reminded of our racial difference is when someone else calls my baby a "Chocoholic" LOL.

It's interesting because I have never been in a serious relationship with a Latino male so anytime I am in a relationship it is with someone of a different race. Do I notice it? Not any more or less in terms of our interaction with one another than I do a friend with blonde hair or red hair. Unless someone else brings it up I don't really spend a lot of time considering the fact that Sebastian is black and I am Latina and that happens rarely. We have much more in common than not regarding cultural upbringing, our blended families are very important to us. Because of the way we were raised it is not so much forgotten but often overlooked, again that is just based on our interpersonal relationship. We haven't had difficulties with anyone regarding race or our age difference (I am 15 years older than Sebastian, don't really notice that much either).

Patty

No, I do not ignore it because it is there.. We deal with things as they come along. Where we live now it is not a big deal and for that I say we are lucky because some places are not so accepting:( . I never looked at my man as a black man, but a human being that shows me love. I looked at him as someone that has always accepted me, loved me and appreciated me. If it was someone else that came across and met me first then I would probably be with them instead, but I am happy to say that I am glad that he beat them to it, because he is my world.:heart:

I don't ignore it, but it's really obvious since I'm soooo white and he's sooooo dark, but we laugh and kid around about the drastic difference in each of our skin. But it doesn't change the way we feel. I'd still love him if he were purple w/green polka dots. Even if everyone stared at him, you just got to remember when people do look down on you, that it shows just how small those people really are.

My husband is my husband, my man, my soulmate his race is not one of the factors that made him those things to me.. What made him those things was his soul.

Race is rarely noticed with us. We just love each other for who we are. The only time it is brought up is if he's been called a racist name while out or when we get looks while out together. The thing that has stood out most is our cultural differences. He's from the ghetto and never really had parents while I've been raised upper middle class with a 2 parent house out in the country. But we don't let our differences cause probelms.

I don't ignore it but it just has never been an issue for us. When we met and stareted talking it was like meeting the missing half for both of us (so this is what I've been missing, now I understand the 2 become 1 thing) and even though there is a 10 year age difference as well, neither ever came into play... our actual values and goals and ideas on relationships are so similar and the way our minds and hearts work together....we both know that what we share was meant be.. To me he is simply my man, my soulmate and the love of my life.

I wouldn't say we ignore it. We think a lot in so many ways, it is amazing. But in dealing with his family, I have to face a lot of cultural differences. We have just been engaged a year and known each other 2 1/2 years. We will have to explain language differences fairly often. Me: why did your brother call you a player? He: he doesn't mean I am a player, it's just ghetto talk. Between prison talk, and chicago talk there are many different nuances of language!

I don't know if we ignore it or not, but we difinitely don't dwell on it. It's not something I think about. Wife C has a point...I am more focused on the fact that he's an inmate not what his race is. Because that's the everyday issue.
I love him for him and could care less what race he is.

It's not an issue with me and my husband. I even make fun of him because he's from MS and when he speaks to me he uses what I call his white voice. When he speaks with his family... he uses his country voice. I think it's funny. I don't mind at all. It's hard for me b/c I don't know a lot about black people and I might say something that might offend him that I really didn't mean to. We just had a baby and I don't know exactly how to do her hair... Ya know what I mean? Should I put more than 2 ponytails in it? That kind of thing.

chris is the first man i've been with that i was totally able to ignore the difference at first, and then totally forgot about it. we laugh sometimes because we have to "remind" ourselves that he's not black and i am, or that i'm not white or puerto rican and he is. the color barrier is nonexisten between us. :p