softheart
04-23-2003, 02:07 PM
April 23, 2003
from Nancy Bailey
I received the following letter today from Derrick Jackson #999263. It is
an Open Letter To All.
Death Row! It's hard to explain (especially here in Texas), but to be
honest, I personally would have preferred to have been murdered at the
time of sentencing. I say this, not because I prefer to be dead (I truly
want to live with a passion). I love life, but the appeals process is no
more than a torturous traumatizing path to a truly saddenly sick end. I
believe in God, and believe me when I say that it will be an "act of God"
if I am ever to be a free man, but I do have
hope, and I pray. I am a blessed man to have the insight that I do. My
reality is a sick curse, for each and every individual it's different
(being on death row), but all of us are insane. You have to lose a bit of
your sanity to maintain the rest of it, like a flu shot. Every day I
accept the fact that it's OK for me to go just a little bit crazy to keep
from breaking down and losing it completely.
I don't have a wife or children, very much family, or many friends, and it
may seem strange to hear, but (for me) that's good, because of the type of
person that I am. My existence is a very sick one. Just last night I got
a visit from my younger brother. I wrote him a letter a few weeks ago
being a bit desperate and demanding.that he come visit. I personally feel
he should come every week, but I realize that no one owes me nothing, and
that he has a life to live in a crazy world. He
told me I should write to my mother, father, step mother, and aunts (most
of them have never been to visit me) so that they could feel guilty (I
guess he was feeling guilty). I would never try to make a person feel
guilty in this way, especially not those I love, even though they seem to
have forgotten about me or maybe just don't know how to deal with seeing
me here trapped in a miserable existence. My two younger brothers and my
mother are all I can consider my family at this point in my life. I'm
from a poor family, so there is very little
(nearly nothing) that they can do financially, but the moral support, no
matter how painful, is my reason for existence. I feel their pain and
frustration, and I can see it in their eyes, but they are all I have, and
living daily in solitary confinement cells is another madness that a man
must deal with that has nothing to do with the death penalty.
Here on the Polunsky unit here in Livingston, Texas, extreme deprivation
is used to punish, control, and dehumanize a man. Mental games are played
by most of the guards (including ranking officers) that a prisoner daily
comes in contact with. You no longer have human and /or civil rights.
Personally I've felt as if I am a part of a sick experiment. To have a
healthy conscious mind is a beautiful gift to all humans, and to use it is
a gift to our world. To attempt to take or destroy this gift is criminal.
How can I say being a death row prisoner? What if I can tell you that
I'm not guilty? The fact is, I'm
not!!! Another fact is that I can't prove it, and that's why I am here!
Two people I know nothing of or about were brutally beaten and stabbed to
death - that was proven at my trial. Politics' corruption, me being poor,
naive, ignorant to the unjust system in Texas is why I am sitting here
writing these words and not living as I should be, but merely existing.
I feel that the justice system and society have let me down. The
oppression that is my life, I cannot describe. I won't let it control me,
I can't, so at times, I go a little bit crazy, just so I can cope. I'm a
very positive person. I love to see people smile, and whenever possible,
I will share one. There are definitely times that I will smile to keep
from crying. I feel that everyone deals with or has dealt with tragedy at
some point and time in their lives (these experiences define us
individually). Not too many people can choose the way they
leave the face of the earth, and on one lives forever. As I've said, I
love to live life and to love, but I'm not afraid to die.
I have no sense of panic or distress as I sit on death row now. People
die daily. Every day takes a positive focus, and I'm going to try to be
the son my parents raised to Love, the brother my brothers have Loved as
we've grown, and the man I am proud to be. I'm going to do this with not
very much more than "sickness" - sickness that is my reality. I suffer
from diabetes and must take two insulin shots daily, but this
sickness that is the system is what is taking its toll on me and many
others who sit on death row.
Texas is the execution capital of the world! I'm not able to give you
specifics and statistics (for those who are interested, they are made
known by other sources). I am writing this to express as well as inform,
and I can inform you that Texas is out of control. Anybody (anyday) that
is a speaker of acting on the death penalty should be speaking of and
acting on Texas. This is nothing less than mass murder
going on here!! I know, more than many, of the corrupt, powerful,
political structure. Then add the money, and it definitely makes for a
seemingly impossible fight to win (for justice), but I see it (Texas) as a
big bully picking on kids. Sure one bully can bully one, two, even three
or more kids, but when or if all the kids come, they the bully finds it
more reasonable to back off and go away. I basically have no
help in my situation, and I often will hear people say or get a letter
from someone advising me to organize - put those who are willing to help
in contact with each other. I pass that advice on to all reading these
words who are truly sincere. There are probably more groups and
organizations that are not doing what they should or could do to help us
(condemned men) in effective ways. A lot is said that sounds good, and
men are being murdered here in Texas so regularly that it's seemingly
acceptable. Prisoners who've had no proper defense during trial, legally
retarded men, men that have been set up by aggressive state prosecutors
(that are elevated in the political structure according to their number of
convictions), are being murdered. They are killing men here that have
compelling evidence of innocence - not hearing the valid
arguments of the accused or convicted. Defense attorneys appointed by the
courts (if they are sincere) are disgracefully underpaid and not allowed
the advantage of investigators, etc. to fight for justice. It is not even
required by the Texas courts for the court appointed attorneys to even
defend their clients here in Texas now. These are the things that are
causing the deaths of many men here in Texas. It is going to take an
organized effort by all those who are dedicated and
sincere to end this madness in Texas. I won't and can't say which
organizations (or people) are not dedicated and sincere, but if "you are",
it shouldn't be long before "you know"!! No one owes me or anybody who is
on death row anything, so I, on behalf of every man facing the death
penalty, thank you for everything that you do in protest. We here in
Texas need focused persistent effective organized measures to be
immediately taken, or murder will continue.
PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO HELP STOP THE KILLING!!!
Please write me at:
Derrick Jackson #999263
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 South
Livingston, TX 77351
from Nancy Bailey
I received the following letter today from Derrick Jackson #999263. It is
an Open Letter To All.
Death Row! It's hard to explain (especially here in Texas), but to be
honest, I personally would have preferred to have been murdered at the
time of sentencing. I say this, not because I prefer to be dead (I truly
want to live with a passion). I love life, but the appeals process is no
more than a torturous traumatizing path to a truly saddenly sick end. I
believe in God, and believe me when I say that it will be an "act of God"
if I am ever to be a free man, but I do have
hope, and I pray. I am a blessed man to have the insight that I do. My
reality is a sick curse, for each and every individual it's different
(being on death row), but all of us are insane. You have to lose a bit of
your sanity to maintain the rest of it, like a flu shot. Every day I
accept the fact that it's OK for me to go just a little bit crazy to keep
from breaking down and losing it completely.
I don't have a wife or children, very much family, or many friends, and it
may seem strange to hear, but (for me) that's good, because of the type of
person that I am. My existence is a very sick one. Just last night I got
a visit from my younger brother. I wrote him a letter a few weeks ago
being a bit desperate and demanding.that he come visit. I personally feel
he should come every week, but I realize that no one owes me nothing, and
that he has a life to live in a crazy world. He
told me I should write to my mother, father, step mother, and aunts (most
of them have never been to visit me) so that they could feel guilty (I
guess he was feeling guilty). I would never try to make a person feel
guilty in this way, especially not those I love, even though they seem to
have forgotten about me or maybe just don't know how to deal with seeing
me here trapped in a miserable existence. My two younger brothers and my
mother are all I can consider my family at this point in my life. I'm
from a poor family, so there is very little
(nearly nothing) that they can do financially, but the moral support, no
matter how painful, is my reason for existence. I feel their pain and
frustration, and I can see it in their eyes, but they are all I have, and
living daily in solitary confinement cells is another madness that a man
must deal with that has nothing to do with the death penalty.
Here on the Polunsky unit here in Livingston, Texas, extreme deprivation
is used to punish, control, and dehumanize a man. Mental games are played
by most of the guards (including ranking officers) that a prisoner daily
comes in contact with. You no longer have human and /or civil rights.
Personally I've felt as if I am a part of a sick experiment. To have a
healthy conscious mind is a beautiful gift to all humans, and to use it is
a gift to our world. To attempt to take or destroy this gift is criminal.
How can I say being a death row prisoner? What if I can tell you that
I'm not guilty? The fact is, I'm
not!!! Another fact is that I can't prove it, and that's why I am here!
Two people I know nothing of or about were brutally beaten and stabbed to
death - that was proven at my trial. Politics' corruption, me being poor,
naive, ignorant to the unjust system in Texas is why I am sitting here
writing these words and not living as I should be, but merely existing.
I feel that the justice system and society have let me down. The
oppression that is my life, I cannot describe. I won't let it control me,
I can't, so at times, I go a little bit crazy, just so I can cope. I'm a
very positive person. I love to see people smile, and whenever possible,
I will share one. There are definitely times that I will smile to keep
from crying. I feel that everyone deals with or has dealt with tragedy at
some point and time in their lives (these experiences define us
individually). Not too many people can choose the way they
leave the face of the earth, and on one lives forever. As I've said, I
love to live life and to love, but I'm not afraid to die.
I have no sense of panic or distress as I sit on death row now. People
die daily. Every day takes a positive focus, and I'm going to try to be
the son my parents raised to Love, the brother my brothers have Loved as
we've grown, and the man I am proud to be. I'm going to do this with not
very much more than "sickness" - sickness that is my reality. I suffer
from diabetes and must take two insulin shots daily, but this
sickness that is the system is what is taking its toll on me and many
others who sit on death row.
Texas is the execution capital of the world! I'm not able to give you
specifics and statistics (for those who are interested, they are made
known by other sources). I am writing this to express as well as inform,
and I can inform you that Texas is out of control. Anybody (anyday) that
is a speaker of acting on the death penalty should be speaking of and
acting on Texas. This is nothing less than mass murder
going on here!! I know, more than many, of the corrupt, powerful,
political structure. Then add the money, and it definitely makes for a
seemingly impossible fight to win (for justice), but I see it (Texas) as a
big bully picking on kids. Sure one bully can bully one, two, even three
or more kids, but when or if all the kids come, they the bully finds it
more reasonable to back off and go away. I basically have no
help in my situation, and I often will hear people say or get a letter
from someone advising me to organize - put those who are willing to help
in contact with each other. I pass that advice on to all reading these
words who are truly sincere. There are probably more groups and
organizations that are not doing what they should or could do to help us
(condemned men) in effective ways. A lot is said that sounds good, and
men are being murdered here in Texas so regularly that it's seemingly
acceptable. Prisoners who've had no proper defense during trial, legally
retarded men, men that have been set up by aggressive state prosecutors
(that are elevated in the political structure according to their number of
convictions), are being murdered. They are killing men here that have
compelling evidence of innocence - not hearing the valid
arguments of the accused or convicted. Defense attorneys appointed by the
courts (if they are sincere) are disgracefully underpaid and not allowed
the advantage of investigators, etc. to fight for justice. It is not even
required by the Texas courts for the court appointed attorneys to even
defend their clients here in Texas now. These are the things that are
causing the deaths of many men here in Texas. It is going to take an
organized effort by all those who are dedicated and
sincere to end this madness in Texas. I won't and can't say which
organizations (or people) are not dedicated and sincere, but if "you are",
it shouldn't be long before "you know"!! No one owes me or anybody who is
on death row anything, so I, on behalf of every man facing the death
penalty, thank you for everything that you do in protest. We here in
Texas need focused persistent effective organized measures to be
immediately taken, or murder will continue.
PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO HELP STOP THE KILLING!!!
Please write me at:
Derrick Jackson #999263
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 South
Livingston, TX 77351