I was just wondering how many people get "curious" or "ignorant" glances or looks from others when going to visit their man.

My son is mixed and my fiance/husband and I are white. When I take my son to visit him, it's like people literally break their necks to see who I'm going to see. When they see that he is white and my son is mixed, it's like their looks completely change. They mug us like nothin else.

Me, personally, I really don't care. To each his own. If you want to admire my son, b/c I know he's cute, fine. If you want to stare b/c you're ignant, fine. Have at it. Why don't people just pull their heads out of their butts and check with reality for once? I don't care that people stare or mug us. As long as nothin crooked comes out of their mouths, look at us all you want. We're a beautiful family and we know it.

I was just wondering if others go thru this as well.

Thanks

The first time I went to see my husband the officers looked at us funny especially when I hugged and kissed him but we didn't care we hadn't see each other in 4 1/2 months then. But after I went for a few times they didn't look at us any different anymore they were used to seeing us togeather I guess.( Oh he's black and I am white.)

Curious, I think you're overemphasizing. I feel they may look because your child looks different from the parents -- not because he's bi-racial and you and your man are white. People will look at what's different, just like if I see a sumo wresler with Martha Stewart -- I'm gon look. I won't be tripping, but I will look because that's different, and it won't be a look with ugliness in it.

It doesn't matter whether I believe it or not, but I do not believe people are staring the way you say. What I believe is that's just your paranoa.

Incidently, people adopt children from other countries. I've seen white couples with oriental babies. People looked because that's different, but no one ever stared at them like how you feel you three were stared at.

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Sweets, the police see so many IRRs in the visit room that I don't think it affects them. I think they were probably looking to make sure no one was passing drugs. Trust -- it was a security check and not a hater check.

*********

Because I've seen threads like this on other message boards my opinion is that the people in the couple, particular the woman, leaves her house feeling she's gonna get stared at. So when she is out with her man and somebody looks because people look at same race couples too, that couple then feels like "look honey -- those people just stared at us. look, over there, some more people over there are staring at us." I just think it's all in their minds.

P.S. Me and my husband look darn good together and compliment each other very well. So, no matter where we go, people look because we are somethin to look at. I don't be tripping that people are losing their mind, I be saying to myself "yeah :) , we are something to look at -- it's all love, so look away." We're both black, but if you were in my shoes, you would probably feel "everybody is looking at us".

People look at people for all sorts of reasons, but I don't think it's because of haterizm. To the both of you -- you and your men could make for very handsome couples. The man could be fit and fine, the woman fat and sloppy. The man short and built, the woman tall and swelt (sp.)-- people will look and may even wonder; looks are not always affiliated with race, culture and complexions. Maybe people in IRRs need to look beyond race not just with their man, but with the general public as well because it's not always about race. I live in NY and rarely see couples -- I see a lot of baby mommas with strollers, children and a cell phone to their ear, but often the man is missing and there's no ring on her finger. In NY -- no matter what the race -- a couple is something to look at period because you don't see too many.

Me & Kevin have actually encountered those "looks" during visits...not only by other visitors...but, also, by *some* guards. It makes us upset but, we normally just brush it off. It doesn't really bother us cause well...we know that racism is still pretty deep down here in Alabama.

I'm not the one who usually notices it first...it's Kevin. Sometimes I swear that man has eyes in the back of his head or something. It's mostly the older people who tend to stare (no offense to the older generation) but, that's pretty normal down here.

Just brush it off girl...don't let people rain on your parade! :thumbsup:

(((huggs)))
Sel

I can only recall one time that we got "the look". We were walking thru the visitation room and we see this lady (another visitor) looking at us. At first I didn't think anything about it, but then she followed us across the room with her eyes. She had the most evil look on her face, a look of disgust and hatred. We walked out of the room and stopped and talked to a CO who was about to let us into the conjugal room. She (the CO) noticed the woman's nasty stare and slammed the door to the visitation room closed and as she did she said "Why do people have to be so ignorant? If she wants to find a quick way out of here, shooting those kinds of looks will get her there fast."

Its funny, at first of course Everyone looks at Everyone it seems. But after awhile, it seemed like a family (this is while Luis was in initial detention awaiting sentencing). Me and the gals began to smile, talk as best as possible, english and broken spanish. But there develops a real bond I think. Luis just got transferred and since its 8 hours away, I will go for first visit in 2 weeks. I hope that the women there are as accepting of this little blondie "guera" as those in Seagoville.

Now the guards...most didn't do much of anything but read there paper and watch their cameras for "non authorized signs of affection". But a couple of the "white boys' seemed to stare at me, esp before Luis was brought down almost as if, "what the He*&* was I doing with this "low life". Oh if ONLY they knew.. I'd like to see how they looked in a non fitting orange jumpsuit, with little color from being locked up under sterile non natural light, eating overstarched food and no intimacy or physical closeness.

My man, this wonderful, quiet, strong latino man, has more brains and depth than many of them and that their feeling of superiority over non whites and inmates is so very unguided and ignorant.

Might you have over reacted a bit? Maybe people looking at your family were admiring your cute little son rather than having negative thoughts about him (or you)....
I wouldn't let it bother me. Our family is mixed - black, white, oriental. If nobody likes it, so what? It's their loss! We are all God's children!

Sure people look. I like to "people watch" too but try not to stare at people so as to make them uncomfortable. I think you'll find the majority of the people accept your son as he is and do not make any bad comments (or think bad things).

Okay, I'm reading this, and I can see vaild points in everybody's opinion regarding this matter. But the key word here is opinion.

I have stated in this forum that I am white and my husband black. I have never dated inside my own race, nor do I ever have plans to do so. I lived a majority of my life in a EXTREAMLY hostile, and racist town (ie the KKK held their regional meetings there!). I luckily was not raised with those morals though. If you happen to live in a place where it's not something you see everyday, of course people are going to stare, and people are going to talk about you. There will always be opposition to this. No matter how far we come in society, there will always be someone who disapproves, and that will go out of their way to make their point to you. Now if you have NEVER lived in a society where racism is as blatant, it's hard to imagine how the stares, and the comments make you feel. Especially here in the south...and I realize that it is all over...north, south, east, and west. When I was a teenager I thought that everybody that looked at me was racist because I was with a black man. And I'm sure some were...but the minute I quit letting people try and make me feel like what I felt was wrong, and I started living for my own personal happiness...I noticed a lot less of those stares. Now I live in a large city, and you still hear comments, but...the whole point now is I don't really care. When they start paying my bills, when they pay the rent, and when they start paying me to live my life how they want it, then they can tell me when, where, and what to do. Until then it's not going to happen. It's mind over matter. I recently had an incident at visitation, matter of fact the day after we got married, that bothered me. I hate to think that it is racially motivated, but something deep down in me says it was. All I can do is pray for the CO's, and turn the other cheek. I think I have had more comments and ugly stares when I was severly overweight, than I EVER have being in an interracial relationship. Look at it this way...you could be beautiful, and people are going to stare because you are. You could be butt-ugly and people are going to stare because you are. You can be tall, short, fat, skinny...people are going to stare. People don't understand anything that is different from themselves. Be the one that gives the ignorant understanding. ;)

Ok. I am gonna say that I have never noticed the stares or looks. I may look around the room a few times but I am too busy looking at my man to notice others. Besides if I notice them looking, does it mean that I am looking to or how else would I notice them looking? Just curious.

People are ignorant, and filled with so much prejudism. 3 of my grandchildren are bi-racial and my daughter is preg. with her 4th child , who will be bi-racial.
We have run acrossed some socially ignorant people and I always, like to let them know of their ignorance. You make not like race mixing and that is your right. I find most social ignorance is born of fear or genetic interbreeding. My daughter and I have tried very hard to instill pride in my grandchildren and they are beautiful, as well as gifted .

***edited by PTO staff***

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this subject. 1st let me start by saying I am white and my man is Puerto Rican (sp)/black. I live in a prodominently white area and Pat would always make comments about how people look at him. We used to fight because honestly looking at him you really don't know what he is. :) So I used to tell him that he needs to stop being negitive and that Maybe they were staring because they thought his mix was beautiful! He is beautiful if I don't say so myself. :) anyways but I had to eat my positive words once we started dealing with the system. We get stares all the time. The CO's even have there looks. Pat is at camp, and even there we get treated diffrentl;y. Pat was stripped searched after every visit but usually just him. Now some will say for drugs but Pat isn't in for drugs and always has clean tests. We don't compromise ourselves and act suspicious during visits. There is no reason for that. The CO's also treated my parents rudely (both white, blond hair blue eyes) once he found out it was pat they were visiting. The gaurd hovered over our area most of the visit. :( His Dad is black and his mom is Latin and they drive a nice spiffy JAG. The officer made a comment "how the hell did he get that" and didn't realize Pat was right there. All I can say is there is a lot of stereo types. I try to keep myself oblivious to it because it is only ignorence. Pat is from a wealthy family and so am I but that doesn't mean we have to sell drugs to be visiting a black male in prison.

Me and my husband were the talk of the cell block. He's white and I'm Italian/Hawaiian. He was called a race trader because some of the guys said, I looked Mexican and some thought I was mixed with black...It was bad for awhile, until my baby put them in their place. We are pretty much yesterdays news now!! LOL

Chad and I get looked at when we walked down the street while he was out and I'm sure we will when we finally get to see each other. 99% of the time people just think "Oh how cute" because I'm 5 foot nothing 100 lbs and he is 6' 2" 200 lbs solid muscle. we both figure if you want to look then look all you want. We are secure with our relationship and it don't matter what other people think. Oh and we are white, a lot people just look to be looking so they know what’s around them. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. :)

Sure you are going to get looks.. but it doesn't always mean the people looking are thinking bad thoughts and if they are just ignore it. Mr. D and I get looks all the time - not because of race, but because I'm tall and large while he's short and although he's solid muscle, he's a small framed man. Guys comment to him about my size and is he "really" going to be with me on the outside...... he lets them know he SURE IS!

Even though this is 2005, you still have people who remember quite clearly the days when certain life styles and choices were NOT acceptable. I'm SURE my Irish Grandparents would roll in their graves if they knew about my 1/4 Puerto Rican grandchildren or that my oldest daughter married an American Indian. I was taken out of their will because I married a :eek: CATHOLIC! That word was one that was NOT allowed in my grandparents house!

You can't control what people think and feel any more than you can read their minds to know WHAT they are thinking. IF you look up and see someone staring at you, put a BIG smile on your face and wave to them. They'll either smile and wave back or they'll stop staring.

I get the looks as well, I'm white, Tony's black. I get double looks because people I've spoken to in the waiting room are curious to see who I've come all the way from England to see. Some I know don't like it when they see Tony, others, even though they've gone out of their way to stare, will make a point of smiling at us or talking when we're at the vending machines, letting me know the difference in colour isn't a problem to them. Some guards even come to the visiting room to check out Tony's 'wife' because they, too, are curious because I go all that way a couple of times a year.

Rose

Well, you guys sure have made me think twice about myself. I'm a people watcher. I watch all people. I look at couples and watch how they intermingle. I'm not shy about it either. LOL And I'm not picky about who I watch. I'm just curious why people hook with other people. How they are with their own family. THings like that . Well I'm nosey too :D

We get looked at ALL the time. I think mostly cuz he's a longed haired freaky type. Tattoos, all that jazz. I smile at the people who look at us. I chalk it up to them having the same curiousity I do.

Granted, some are ignorant. THey really are looking in disgust. But for the most part, their looking for the same reasons I do. I just like ot watch others interact ;)

Stacy

I watch people too. I can't wait until I get over 70 so I can go to the mall, do a couple laps, then sit down and watch people. I will actually go to the mall during Xmas and watch people...It's like a free zoo! LMFAO!

I know that we got some looks but not all were looks of hatred. Some just happened to look up to see who is coming in the door. I had been visiting him for months and months so I knew a lot of people. You still got the ones who stare but hey...we all have rights in this world. I have always date black men so I am pretty used to it. We are all going to face prejudice once in our lives.

The last visit I had with my fiance I had a C.O. question me about my daughter cause she is mixed and I am white. You know how you have to sign in and if you have kids they check the birth certificate? Well he was looking at her birth certificate and then asked me "Is this your daughter?" I said "Yes!" Shoot, it says so right on the birth certificate. Sorry, that really didnt have to do with other visitors but still with ignorant people!

I don't believe I've over reacted to the looks I've gotten from other people. I am sure that a lot of looks are out of curiousity. You see mixed baby and automatically assume shes' going to see a black man. It is the looks of hatred that does me in. I mean if they want to look fine, but you don't need to crinkle your nose or make some rude noise. It's not necessary. It's not by the guards that me or my son have ever been looked at crazy. It's the other visitors. I just chalk it up as their ignorance.

The dudes that have ever had the balls to say something out of pocket to my man about my son, he's checked them. He's very protective of both of us. He's noticed looks too, but I'm the one that it bothers b/c of course, I'm mommy. I deal with it.

I don't care if they stare because they are looking at two beautiful people falling in love with each other.

We got a couple of looks because we are not the typical interracial couple.

He's white and I'M Black:) Another IRR couple(white woman/black man) had the nerve to stare us down, it was creepy. I was like hello we are in the same boat:mad:

This is my first time writing about this particular topic. But I empathize with Hope4US, and I like your statement. Same boat! It is a double standard. I am Black and Puerto Rican and my man is Mexican and White. He is very fair-skinned and I am brown-skinned. We don't care what people say or think. We're in love and have a solid relationship built on mutual trust and respect. Kudos to you.

Storm and Tress:D :thumbsup:

Well I have noticed some looks I'm white and he's mexican! He had one CO actually question him about who I was in a hard and mean way and My Baby just stood there and acted like he didnt understand him! But I look at people but I look at everyone not at there color because I dont care about the color of someone's skin! I'm terrible I care more about if someone feet look to big in a pair of sandals than I do about someone skin color! U know what's weird I never thought about it until Now I'm in a IRR wow that's something new so what does that tell you I must not care what anyone thinks! But God Bless Everyone

KarrieMI

Ive never gone to see my x-boyfriend how is in salinas he is my first love and after 4 years i am still in love with him

I think some of my man's friends are just curious as to what I look like, because they hear him talk about me. i've never noticed other visitors giving me evil looks or anything. In the Twin Cities interracial couples are very common. Also it is very common to have adopted or foster children of different races.

"This world is subject to torment:
Afflicted by contact, it calls a disease 'SELF'. - The Buddha

Unfortunately, I too, used to be very afflicted with the SELF, myself!!!! I am pleased to say that I no longer feel the need to be "righteous" in anyone else's eyes. The bottom line is that, other people's opinions of me (or my husband, children, etc.) are none of my business!!! Whether they be good or bad.
Ignorance exists, this is so true. However, I have come to realize that ignorance is a form of suffering. But it is a suffering that I no longer have to take upon myself!!!
I just wonder if by expecting a certain reaction from others, you are bringing "said reactions" upon yourself; if not in reality then at least in your mind???
Perhaps you would have a better time of it, if you spent your family time concentrating on just that, YOUR FAMILY. Your beautiful family, what a blessing they are!!!

In Love and Peace,
Melissa

"He for whom there is neither this shore nor the other shore, nor yet both, he who is free of cares and is unfettered--him I do call a spiritual person." - The Buddha

I'm white, he's black. Whatever!!!! I could give a rat's a@@ about what other's think. Actually, I'm cuban so now I live in Mississippi. I'm not considered white here, I'm considered??? what? I wonder. What the hell do they consider me????? In Miami, where I'm from, I'm white though. I'm a white cuban. Hum, here I'm a non-white hispanic. Wonder if I get any disability for this?????

I've only been once to visit as he is over 2,000 miles away. It's been just a year since I have seen him, but I remember a white man staring me down, once he saw who I was there to visit. It didn't bother me. I was there to visit my man and he was the one who got my attention. One of the guards was extra watchful on the first day because I didn't realize I had to check in for a table assignment, but she backed off the rest of the weekend and actually carried on a conversation with me. I think there has been some wise comments made here. Personally, I like to look at people, too. It's interesting. I try not to stare and make them feel uncomfortable. Like one comment that was made, just smile and they either will smile back or look away. Chances are you will never see these people again in your life, anyway. Who cares what they think. He gets more static in his housing than we do in the visiting room. He keeps my pictures out and they all want to know what he wants with "that White woman!"

:thumbsup: We get those looks sometimes. I am Hispanic and he is mixed, but very light skinned. He could pass for hispanic tho. I just ignore those kinda things. I get more upset when they stare at him for being so FINE!!!!!

While he was in NJ, I actually had a white CO ask me what in the world I would want with a black man. I gotta say, I was shocked. I'm from the south so I've always heard ignorent comments, but I honestly didn't expect it up there. But then again, one night I was leaving and spotted the KKK out in a feild having a meeting not 5 miles from the prison. I've never even seen the KKK here. It was crazy.
Now that he's in VA, I don't ever feel discriminated against, where I would have thought before that VA would be worse then NJ in this aspect. I guess we can all be proved wrong huh? It really only showed me that I had stereotypes of my own (ie: north being tolerant and south being intolerant) that were proved false.
These days, I really have just stopped caring what people think. They might look and they might not. I don't really pay attention because people are going to have their opinions wherever you are. The best thing to do is deflect negative vibes by not feeing into them. That's all people are trying to do anyway; get you upset, which is their goal, because if you're feeling bad about it, then in their eyes, that makes them right.
The worse thing to do to a hater is smile in their face. :)

the first few times i went to visit i got looks.. im white.. so i got more of the looks then he did.. hes mexican.. the white inmates gave me the dirtiest looks ever!! i just thought it was funny.. i guess in his prison there really racisit in there.. but the mexicans didnt even look at me at all.. but now its the same people every week in visits.. and there so cool with it now.. so it doesnt bother me.. the only problem i have is from one of the female guards! she always up in our buisness.. and says stuff to him all the time.. but we ignore it

i am in i inter-racail marriage...what is it anymore there is no pure race at all. we are all mixed with something somewhere along the line. so why cant we just be people instead of a color? just a diffrent tone thats all. my kids got the best of all worlds cause poeple look and wonder what are they?????? i laugh and move on....

we get the looks every now and then. we probably get them more than that but we're too into each other to notice.

it doesn't bother us a bit.

The very first time I went and saw my boyfriend (I am black and he is white) the C.O's didn't say anything until they were walking them to start the visits and one of the CO's looked at us funny. He even made a comment to my boyfriend sayin "I see you got yourself a sista" (the CO was black as well). We just laugh. We would get looks before he got locked up so it just doesn't face us at all.

This happens to me all the time, i don't care anymore. I pay no attention to them people. I'm hispanic and my hubby is black.. you could tell my son is mixed. Everytime i go to visits there is always someone new trying to stare and wait to see who I'm visiting. I take it as a compliment cuz I know my baby is cuuuuute. As long as I don't hear what they say THEY'RE GOOD. It doesn't only happen at visits it happens in the outside world as well.

Maybe I am in a different enviroment because you see alot where I am. White women/black men, black women/white men...to prove my point when my daughter started 1st grade a few years ago, 20 kids in her class...11 were bi-racial. So I don't get the stares or maybe I don't even notice because I don't give a F***!!!!!

I think there are always going to be ppl like that who look because your child is a shade or few lighter/darker than you. I do notice things like this from time too time ..but it doesn't bother me like that .. Now when they open their mouth and say ignorant things i may reply

Maybe I am in a different enviroment because you see alot where I am. White women/black men, black women/white men...to prove my point when my daughter started 1st grade a few years ago, 20 kids in her class...11 were bi-racial. So I don't get the stares or maybe I don't even notice because I don't give a F***!!!!!

Just had to reply. I teach 4th grade and have 20 students...13 are multi-racial, 3 are black, 1 hispanic, 3 white. So yeah, it's definitely something that is becoming more common. :)

I am not in an interracial relationship, but I have noticed that when I visit my nephew, people do seem to stare at interracial couples. I have also noticed that the CO's seem to watch these couples more closely, and that is just not fair.

I think predjudice is alive and still happening in 2008. I am an older caucasian lady, and it sometimes seems I am treated with more respect than African American women who are there to visit their own babies and husbands. Young pretty AA girls seem to have trouble from the COs, and young white girls with AA boyfriends do as well. Whatever the reason, it is wrong.

Missouri is not a very enlightened place, in my opinion. I just hope women of color and Caucasian women in interracial relationships know that not all people are evil like that, or thinking negatively of them. The way they are treated sometimes...if I was in their position, I might be tempted to think so.

yes we got the looks also (I'm black & he's white) but honestly i dont care im there to see my hubby not to appease these ignorant people. when im on my visit the only person i pay attention to is my hubby .sometimes i think the women r jealous ...my hubby is hottt..lol
never had a problem with the Co's.