Does your loved one ever talk to you about him feeling depressed or when he has nightmares of waht happened? Charlie & I were talking about his "crime" he says he has nightmares about it all :(, he gets sad and mad that he didn't do things differently, At times he is depressed over it all. What do you do or say?

While I was with my Charlie, When he would talk to me about bad memories he had from prison, Or when he had nightmares and woke up and told me about them, I found the best thing to do was just hold him and listen. I know that with my ex, Since I had never been to prison, I couldn't relate to him, atleast not in his eyes. And sometimes I couldn't believe what he was telling me, but If just listened without talking, that seemed to make him most comfortable and willing to talk more often.

Marc jerks in his sleep alot, and I think it is because he plays the events of that night over in his head. We never talked the whole thing much, until about a year ago. :(
~Katie

I've been on PTO a year and its only just occured to me to post in this section, I guess because although Ray's crime was a violent one, that's just not how I know him. Anyway, to answer the question:

Yes Ray does get nightmares (though nowhere near as many now as he did), and he also has flashbacks which scare him more because he can hear and smell what happened as well as seeing it all again. Those still happen quite a lot and often they leave him physically unable to stand, he is sick, shaking, just overwhelmed completely.
I truely wish we had phone calls because he would call me when things were bad at county jail but now he cant. So he writes if he can, or takes himself to his bunk and curls up til it passes. We've worked out a couple of phrases for him to say over and over to help calm him, but he really needs to get some proper psychiatric help soon with this - I'm well aware of my limits here. He was wary at first about telling me when he was overwhelmed, because he said he didnt want to continually burden me with it, but with lots of reassurance he knows now that he can tell me as often as he needs to. I told him, thats the advantage of letters, if you're not feeling strong enough to deal with it at that moment, you can put it down and come back to it later.

As for what to do about it, well I encourage him to talk about it but also we talk a lot about how he can start making things work again for his family and the kind of man he wants to be. He is still very much in the process of working out who he is and how he feels about things so we are taking it very slowly, but we try and give equal time to looking forward as well as reflecting on how he got to where he is now.

I am with u silva - my man's crime was violent and he was sentenced accordingly, but I don't see him that way, but recently I was looking over all of his legal papers again (100TH TIME). I have always known what he did, but the reality is much clearer when I read the police reports. Anyway, yes Will has a terrible time with it. I get many letters where he has had a nightmare about it, or just broke down thinking about it. HE has been lucky and received good psychiatric help. He speaks with counselor whenever he can and was on antidepressants for years to get through the days. With time it doesn't get better, but he has been able to find ways to handle it better. HE is always very open about what is on his mind. I have noticed over the years a lot of "darkness" has lifted and he is still the man I fell in love with before his crime.

Brice deals with hellish memories a lot as well. Nightmares are a daily problem he says. It causes him to sleep for only about three hours a night. It's not so much from the crime, but more from what's happened while he's in there. He says he just can't get the memories of all the bad stuff to fade while he's in there. He's speaking with his counselor a lot. That seems to help. And he writes me about it, which is great. At least he isn't holding it inside. I love that he shares everything. The best thing I've found is to just listen, let him know I'm there for him. It's hard no matter what though.

depression and nightmares are probably 2 of the most common things that happen in prison...with my ex...when he got out if he woke up and i wasn't laying beside him he would freak out it took me a hr to calm him down sometimes...it's sad but VERY true! and alot of it has to do they haven't came to terms with the truth...have you ever seen the movie "Dead Man Walking" that explains alot in order for healing to begin the truth has to come out or keeping that inside will not allow it to get anybetter!

chris gets very depressed at times, mainly because this is the first crime he was accused of that he didn't commit. we talk about it, and he has so many regrets. but i try and remember that had this not happened, we wouldn't be together :), so it gives him some comfort at night, as well as me...

his cellmates used to tell me (in his old jail), that sometimes they would wake up before him and hear him moaning in his sleep, and once or twice he jumped out of his sleep, startled, yelling my name...:(

i love my baby, and if i could, i'd take on so much of his pain...ugh, i'm really starting to cry over this.

depression and nightmares are probably 2 of the most common things that happen in prison...with my ex...when he got out if he woke up and i wasn't laying beside him he would freak out it took me a hr to calm him down sometimes...it's sad but VERY true! and alot of it has to do they haven't came to terms with the truth...have you ever seen the movie "Dead Man Walking" that explains alot in order for healing to begin the truth has to come out or keeping that inside will not allow it to get anybetter!

one time, chris and i were on the phone talking, and he started crying so hard he had an asthma attack, and the guards had to run from the port onto the tier and rush him to medical for emergency asthma medication (he couldn't find his pump in his cell). it's so hard when we can't be there for them...

Does your loved one ever talk to you about him feeling depressed or when he has nightmares of waht happened? Charlie & I were talking about his "crime" he says he has nightmares about it all :(, he gets sad and mad that he didn't do things differently, At times he is depressed over it all. What do you do or say?

My husband hasn't had any nightmares recently that I am aware of. However, he does get depressed sometimes. He is truely remorseful for his actions and feels badly that it turned out the way it did.

Without going into detail of his actions, I can tell you that I listen to him and let him vent and share what he is feeling at the moment.

I also try to do what I call damage control and show him in a positive light that his actions were not premeditated, that it happened in the course of his crimes.

That is not to say that he shouldn't take responsibility for them, because he definitely should and does in fact.

It seems to help him when I just listen to him and have him share with me.

Good luck to you both.

That's what I do as well. It seems to help. I think he just needs someone that cares enough to hold him and listen.

not that i know of thank god but if he was with me personally and was having them i know exactlu what would make him feel better ;)

i wouldn't say depression or nightmares but he sincerely has expressed so much regret. As I believe that I would too because although they are classified as VIOLENT offenders, they are still human. One time I made the mistake of asking did he regret being in jail or did he regret the crime and he was so hurt that I would think it was about him. I felt awful.

john gets depressed about what happened but Im not sure about nightmares

I'm not sure, if he does, he doesn't mention it to me. But if he's having nightmares, I wish I was there to wake him up. He does get depressed sometimes, but I don't know if it has to do with his crime, or if it's because he's in prison, or what...

Yes, he has nitemares quite often actually.. 16 years later and I doubt they ever go away completely. Hopefully, once he's home and with me they will be less frequent anyway.

My Hubby had nightmares often, he claims though the day we were married they went. Thats been 4mths now and still no nightmares.

It is very difficult. And my in my own experience, I have nightmares about 3 times a week and my depression overwhelms me most days. I never stop thinking about what happened to get me here, and I am quite certain it will never leave me for the rest of my life.

Right after it happen for the first 2 years he never was able to sleep thought the night because of the night mares even when he took sleeping pills. His dad had really good prescription sleeping pills and he still couldn't. He hasn't said anything about it since he's been in thought I don't think, but I know he's pretty upset at the amount of time he got the judge went way overboard with that and he got a more serous charge than what he actually did. He does think he should be in there don't get me wrong just not for the amount of time he was given.

Oh it was 2 years from when it happened to when he went to prison, his lawyer bought him alot of time.

My Hubbie tell me he get depressed because he can't help me out at home and with the bills. He has not mention his crime. He was zonked out of his mind when it happened and he was in a car stuck, so he did not have much to do with what happened.

My man will sometimes have a few nightmares it because he was shot on 2 different occasions for a total of 11 times. If that happened to me I would have nightmares too! This time of year is hard because of the fireworks but he does ok with it.

He does get depressed sometimes too just because he is home sick. we work through it though, visits, mail and phone calls help

I am sure hubby has had dreams and nightmares. In the very beginning he has also admitted he did think about taking his own life, the thought of it was so horrible for him. He is still very sobered and tears up when he thinks of how fast things happened. His one wish is to take a polygraph to prove to the victim's family that what occurred was an accident... Only way to help this is to work through it, one day at a time.

i never really asked him about it he tells me sometimes he drempt of me....but other then that no...it's a good question to ask actually

My son gets depressed but never really complains only now that three years have passed he is more upset with himself for what he has done more then anything else. as far as nightmares he only tells me about the dreams of me walking into his cell block to wake him up so that I can take him home. I guess that would be considered a nightmare once he wakes up and see's how impossible that will ever be.

Well Joker does get depresed often. When we talk sometimes he be like" This place is sending me crazy". One time I received a call from his cousin who was locked with him telling me that he was taken to the psych ward. When I finally did talk to my baby he was not even sounding right. He has since then came to grips eith it and realized that I am not leaving him. I always told him Ryde or Dye and I mean that.

John has struggled on and off with depression and sleeping problems. It really is getting to him that at 21 he has been in prison nearly 7 years now. :(
we do the best we can, one day at a time

He has had a nightmare here and there about what happened.. More so when it first happen, cause the guy shot himself in front of my husband.. So my husband kept replaying that in his dreams and it was making him depressed for a while.. Finally we talked about everything and every time he had one we would talk about it to help him deal with it and get it out there.

CharliesBabyGrl - I can only suggest you be there for him and listen to what he has to say. Mainly get him to share his feelings with you.

My husband does not have nightmares over his crimes, however, the closer we get to parole, he seems to be getting more depressed. You would think that he wouldn't, but I think he is living in reality and that is here in Kentucky, it is very difficult for a violent offender to make parole the first time up to the Board. This will be his first time.

I have suggested he see the Dr. and get on medication, but he does not like taking any kind of pills. So he is toughing it out himself along with venting in letters, calls and on our weekly visits.

My very best to you and yours.

My husband has never told me about having any nightmares, but he tells me how he gets depressed and stressed out sometimes. He tells me he gets depressed because he hates how he got himself in the stupid situation he's in (that's how he puts it). He really feels depressed when he says he gets to thinking about how I really need him out here. I try to make him feel better by telling him I'm a big girl and I'm doing ok taking care of myself. He express that he knows that but wishes he was out here to help somehow and how it would be much easier on me.

My Love Has Suffered From Depression Since He Has Been Incarcerated.i Worry About Him Especially Since I Havent Been Able To Write To Him.he Has Grown Spiritually And The Last Times We Wrote He Was Doing Well.i Am Waiting On A Letter From Him And I Hate To Think That The Letter Will Only Be About Me.i Let Him Know That I Love Him And That Im Still Here For Him.i Let Him Know That Its Perfectly Normal To Have Some Sadness But Not To The Point Where It Controls Your Life.i Wish I Could Take Some Of His Pain Away But I Cant.he Is A Very Strong Man And He Can Get Through Anything.i Know First Hand How Depression Hurts And I Pray To God To Help Him Deal With It.

Does your loved one ever talk to you about him feeling depressed or when he has nightmares of waht happened? Charlie & I were talking about his "crime" he says he has nightmares about it all :(, he gets sad and mad that he didn't do things differently, At times he is depressed over it all. What do you do or say?

I would say that what Charlie is going through is "normal", at least as far as I see it. I am a violent offender. And yes, I have/have had nightmares about my crime. they always change though. Instead of the whole scene playing out-it switches to a situation where I have to use a gun in self defense-or die. Damn gum jams and never fires. Never. And this is a recurring nightmare I have had since shortly after I commited my crime. I waould say that nightmares are a good thing for your Charlie. If it bothers him in his dream, he has the capacity to change his waking habits and actions.

You cant do or say anything that will help. Just listen when he speaks.