I have a teenage daughter who only dates African American guys and I don't have an issue with this but damm near everyone else does and says stuff to me. I have her friends and boyfriends here all the time, and I get nasty comments from family and friends. Really nasty.
My younger daughter has recently felt the backlash, she has a friend who is not allowed to come over cause her mom says "well she doesn't exactly have good role models, with a mom who has a boyfriend in prison and an older sister who only dates blacks" ALso she was allowed to come over for a while during the day and then the pyscho woman said her daughter was not allowed over at night cause she was scared we would force her daughter to have sex with black guys. What the Heck?
I am tired of defending my daughter and explaining things to people, if they don't get it I don't think I can get it thru their heads, this is not the 1950s anymore the world has changed. I accept my daughter and who she dates and is friends with. These same close minded people always assume because my fiance is in prison he is black.
We live in a very racially diverse apartment complex and are friends with all our neighbors, my younger daughter has friends who aren't allowed to come here cause the say we live in the ghetto. I don't know how to respond. I told my younger daughter she should not want to be friends with close minded prejudice people anyway, and she is like, but its their parents. I don't know what to do with these narrow minded people.

I hate that your daughter is being treated so unfairly just because of the color of her boyfriend's skin. It is truly sad.

I honestly don't know what I would say to those people. Sometimes no amount of talking and reasoning will get thru to a person. They have to want to listen to the truth to be able to change. I think maybe I would stop trying to talk to the people who are acting on prejudices and have a long talk with my daughter. I would tell her that she is very mature for standing by her feelings and that she shouldn't change who she is, or who her friends are for anyone but herself. In the end, I think she will be a more well-respected person for not letting others 'shun' her out of dating whoever she wants.

My sympathies to you and your daughter for having to deal with such closed minded people. Neither you nor your daughter have done anything wrong so hang in there. If they can't deal, then it's THEIR issue to work out. Unfortunately, unless they get a new attitude, I don't think that things will change.

Ignorance breeds hate. I wish there was a solution to this, but I don't know.

I can't believe that here in 2005 people still have to deal with these kind of issues. Don't get me wrong, I know that racism still exist but I didn't think people were so open with it. It makes me wonder if things will ever change especially when I hear that parents are exposing their childre to this type of attitude and they will be out future leaders. It saddens me deeply. No, it angers me.:angry:

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is having to go through this. People can be so close-minded at times...but, I hope & pray your daughter knows this isn't *her* fault...or her friends fault. Some people, I think, just get so used to a way of living...that it scares them to know not everybody is "like them". I faced something like this when I was younger (16 or 17)...this girl who was my friend had to 'stop' hanging around me cause I dated black guys. Her mother thought I would 'pressure' her daughter into dating black guys too. I told her mother I don't do stuff like that...her daughter is free to make her own decisions (her daughter was dating a black guy...but, she started dating him before we were friends). She blamed everything her daughter did to "disobey" her on me...and my "choice in men"...yes, it hurt my feelings at first...but, I eventually got over it cause there was nothing I could really do. Me & that girl still remained friends (at school and stuff) but...she wasn't allowed around me out of school. It's sad to think that people...here in 2005...can still be so close-minded.


For your daughter's sake...and her friend's...I hope this woman comes to her senses...and sees that she is trying to come between a friendship...and that just ain't cool! :(

(((huggs)))
Sel

In my opinion ignorant ppl will be ignorant no matter how many facts they are faced with that another race can't hurt or dimish their race crediblity.. :rolleyes: As long as you talk to your daughter and you tell her that its only ignorance and that its her world as well and she is to live her life for herself to make her heart happy and not to worry about what negative ppl have to say and as long as she understand that .. then that is all you can do. :thumbsup: Ppl who say things like you live in the ghetto or you may make their kids sleep with black men at nite(do blk men only come out at nite?) :confused: needs to lose yall number and stop talking too yall all together cause you can do bad without all that extra negativity.. :angry:

One of the best defences I've found against this sort of attitude is to keep reminding yourself, and your daughters, you are better than they are because you all see beyond the colour of someones skin. If others can't handle that then it's their problem, not yours.

As others have said, it's sad this still happens, but I'm sure it will make you all stronger.

Rose

I had to deal with the same craziness from family when I was a teenager. My cousins had came to visit, and even though my aunt was not raised to be bias, her husband is VERY prejudice...anyway, I was driving by then and I went to pick up my boyfriend from work and take him home, asked my 14 year old cousin if she wanted to ride into town with me. She said no she was sleepy. The next day my aunt and cousins left real early in the morning without saying anything. My grandmother (whom I lived with) asked me what had happened...I said I don't know. She said that my cousin had told my aunt that I wanted her to go into town with me so I could have a bunch of black men rape her. My aunt BELIEVED her and they went home. That was 1990. It's 2005 and I still haven't talked to her. She didn't show up to my grandmothers funeral. NOTHING.

I can live without the drama or the mess. If you don't want to be around me because my husbands in prison, then fine. If you don't want to be around me because my husbands black and in prison...fine. If you don't want to be around me because my husbands black, in prison, and you automatically assume he's raped, murdered, sold crack, or hurt someone...then fine. I can live without you at my house! I don't want to clean up behind you anyway! LOL

Now as far as the kids go...you have to feel sorry for that child because sooner or later that ignorance her parents have will catch up to her. My sister is VERY honest about race issues with my nieces. That way they don't ever get a sugar coated version of life, and turn out to be grown up in a pot full of salt.

There is no solution I suppose. The odd thing is, these so self righteous bigoted people have children who do not talk to them. My daughter told me when she wanted to get on birth control and had lost her virginity, my kids admitted when they tried cigarettes and these other parents have kids who are sexually active, smoke and smoke weed and the parents are clueless. And my daughters have encountered the being blamed when their friends get in trouble for stuff too.
Last night I told my oldest daughter if we were wealthy and lived in a big house these people would suddenly not be so quick to say anything probably.
I have cut off friendship with a couple long time friends when as my daughter got older and started dating they would make rude comments "you are going to end up with a half black grandchild" "your kids are going to end up pregnant."
Well that is the same friend who told me she'd kill her daughters if she found out they had rubbers in their drawers, and also said she would put them in a mental hospital if they dated outside their race or became lesbians.
People are so clueless, don't they realize.
Maybe I am just an open minded old hippy, there are things that can happen like a teenage pregnancy and it is not the end of the world, or marry someone that a parent may have not chose for them, but as long as the man treats my daughter well that is all that matters to me.
My daughter asked me one time what I would do if they got pregnant or were a lesbian(they have several lesbian relatives and we openly talk about alternative lifestyles). I was like I don't have a problem with it, I prefer you on birth control and wait till you are older but we deal with things as they come.

You are not an old hippy! You are real. My sister is the same way with her daughters. I would rather see a child that is comfortable with our parent relationship than a child that is scared to be honest.

I know this feel terrible
I have to deal with this all the time
My moms father (my grandfather) told me he would not come to my wedding if I married a black man. (Now a black , death row inmate blew it completly)
I have been fighting the comments and stupid remarks for so long, but kind of accepted that some people are just too edit ignorant to ever see, friendship and love does not have anything to do with the color of a skin.

There is nothing you can really do about, but to stand up for it and go like

"My daughter hangs with black people, is that a crime now?!, That's not sorry! Sorry is living in the box you are in, and in 2005 still not being able to see there's more than the color of a skin"
Don't bother to ask them why they think how they do, because it will only piss you off.
Just stand up for what it is, and don't give them room to judge

Thanks! She is happy and that is all that matters!

nightbird...I give it to you. At least you are open and not judging her. I can't say that for a lot of parents, now or in the past. It's good to see mothers that respect their children! :)

I wouldnt worry about it. As long as your younger daughter knows that what the parents of her friend is saying is ignorant and unreasonable I guess that's all that matters. You just cant change everybody's mind no matter what you say! Unfortunatly we have to deal with comments from family and friends when we date outside our race, I would ignore them all!

Nightbird, I am happy to see you support your children and their decisions! Unfortunately, this is the way some people think and are in the USA. This is a good life lesson for your kids...meaning they are now getting experience in how to deal with people like this. Your daughter is right...if you had a big house and $ people would shut up. Obviously these self-rightous people think they are above you. Hold your head up high, smile at them and keep being you. Jesus was persecuted for having "unsavory"* friends too. Focus on finding more people who think like you do.

* I am NOT saying the BF or your friends are unsavory! I am saying this is what these neighbors think.

I don't know what to do with these narrow minded people.

Have you heard of the phrase "kill 'em with kindness" -- well I say in this instance, "kill 'em with I don't give a crap about your regards!!"

It really is sad that there are still people that are so closed minded in 2005. I have dealt with it first hand myself. I'm white and the majority of guys I have dated have not been white so i do get some really stupid remarks. One of my friend's mother's asked her if I had low self esteem and that's why I was dating black guys. A few people have said stuff like "she's too pretty for that". I just find it crazy. I'm so glad that my immediate family is open minded about that sort of thing.

I think that it is wonderful that you support your children in whatever they do. I am so in love with my man and my parents dont like him because he is in prison and because he is black. I asked my mom one day if she would come to our wedding and she said no and that really makes me wanna cry because I just want my parents to be happy and be apart of my life and I can honestly say I dont see that happening. My mom is the worst about it though, my dad on the other hand doesnt want to make my mom mad at all so he just agrees with her. They dont ever call him anything raciest or anything, but they just dont believe in the whole bi-racial relationship thing. I also asked my mom if she would wanna see her grandchildren and she didnt say anything. I just said well you know what they will have grandparents that will love them for them and not their skin color. I hate feeling like this I wish they would just be happy for me, but I have come to understand that I cant please everyone and it sad to say, but I cant and wont please my parents, because I love this man with all of my heart and nothing can change that. I think you are a wonderful mom and I wish my mom would be more like you! Good Luck!

I say more power to you and your children, nightbird!!!! Thank God you're the type of parent who loves your children and is involved in their lives!!!! Yes, it is surprising that racism is still so "in your face" even in this century!!!! One of my lil' ole ladies I clean for is extremely racist, and one day I just asked her a simple question, which was, why did she not like black people. I asked did a black person do something to you or is just because their skin color is darker than yours or were you taught that?? Boy, oh, boy! did she get p.o'd.!! She told me to quit "preaching" and to be quiet. I told her I'm just trying to understand your racism, because I cannot comprehend it, my brain will not wrap itself around such a thing! (my family is so mixed up! :D ) One thing I can say for her is her children aren't like that, as far as I've seen. Now, this lil lady is in her early 90's, but I told her one time, this is 2005, not 1955!! Get this when she's watchin' one of her soaps if there are only black actors in the scene she leaves the tv on mute!!!! I just don't get it!!!! We are all mixed up as it is!!!!! OH!! Those folks that are "against" you and yours are the kind that will eventually end up with their "lily-white" family mixed in some way, shape or form!! Oh yeah!!!! :D

The world is hard... it is terrible that anyone should be made to feel bad about themselves because of who they choose to date. I am sorry that you and your daughter are going thru that. Screw them!!! People are just REALLY ignorant and we, the ones is mixed relationships, will be the ones to change the way the world thinks. Eventually there will be SO many mixed babies that there won't even be a white and black anymore... everyone will be mixed in one way or another! We just have to stay strong! And make it happen!

:thumbsup: :D well everyone if we are going to make this change keep having these mixed babies. i have 4 and would have more if i could so lets populate this world with mixed children . we can do it lets show all these racist people we don't give a hoot what they think. make some mixed babies ladies and gents

I'm happy to see that you support your daughter in whoever she decides to date. My life wouldn've been a lot easier if my parents could've done that for me. As far as people's comments and you feeling the need to defend your daughter, I wouldn't waste my breath even talking to them. They just need to get over it, it's not their kid. That really gets on my nerves b/c I know I was the talk of the town when I was younger and started dating black guys. The only difference was I was trying to hide it from my parents. So I would just say keep doing what you're doing and don't pay them any attention.