Wow this is a great forum and I am so glad to see it!:)
My lifer and I broke up a couple of months ago but it seems we are in limbo, sort of wanting each other back, but not sure if it is going to happen.

He is African-American&Puerto Rican from the inner city.
I am Caucasion&African-American (small %) from the suburbs.

We have completely different view about money. He says it is a cultural difference but I think it is more a difference of the fact that he has been in there for 10+ years and he is out of touch with working and paying bills. We have discussed this and he just doesn't get it.:( I have shown him my income and all my bills so he will understand why I send him $x per month (while we were together) and he didn't seem to understand why sometimes I would have to limit money and things. His mother was selfish with money when he was a boy so I think this is some of his own childhood issues but he insists it is cultural. He said that where he is from people don't talk about $. Well I work in an inner city and I hear people talking about money all the time. :rolleyes:

Does anyone here have a similar challenges that one of you think are based on ethnicity/culture? How do you bridge that gap?

Thanks and Ciao...adios

I haven't personally experienced it but I've seen alot of challenges when it comes to raising children. People tend to raise their children the way that they were raised by their parents so when you have 2 people from differnt cultures, sometimes they run into some issues. My husband is puerto rican and I'm african american but we haven't had any issues based on ethnic or cultural differences as of yet. I see that you are using alot of the spanish you picked up from your break. Also, congratulations on the weight loss.:)

The first interracial relationship I was in which did not last (thank god) we had a lot of different thoughts about money, he always worried about it and I never cared about it. I am not sure if it was culture or just the financial back ground that we grew up in... I have noticed that there are a lot of differences you encounter when one dates out of their race, but sometimes it is just funny when you get to realize how different we all really are.

We haven't really had any issues. We were both spoiled during our early childhood so not that we are grown we are still wanting this and that. I spoil him and he spoiles me! I am sure there will be something that we encounter along the way!

I have never dated men of my own race, and from what I can tell...I have had the same problems that any other woman has. I've been cheated on, I've been hit, I've been ran game on. Now I can point to several of my sisters who will not date outside their race, and have the same things happen to them. There is always going to be problems regardless of the races.

There is always going to be problems regardless of the races. I completely agree!

I guess I view this money thing more as him being in and not working and me being out and working ALOT but he views it as cultural and I just don't think it is.

I haven't personally experienced it but I've seen alot of challenges when it comes to raising children. People tend to raise their children the way that they were raised by their parents so when you have 2 people from differnt cultures, sometimes they run into some issues. My husband is puerto rican and I'm african american but we haven't had any issues based on ethnic or cultural differences as of yet. I see that you are using alot of the spanish you picked up from your break. Also, congratulations on the weight loss.:)Si Senora!:D Como estas? (Can't get my map characters for spanish keyboard to work though.) Yes I think child rearing can show differences. I just don't understand what this money issue is about unless he seems me at the white chick with it and he is a black/latin man without it and he interrprets that as a power thing.:rolleyes: I just don't understand.:confused:

Si Senora!:D Como estas? (Can't get my map characters for spanish keyboard to work though.) Yes I think child rearing can show differences. I just don't understand what this money issue is about unless he seems me at the white chick with it and he is a black/latin man without it and he interrprets that as a power thing.:rolleyes: I just don't understand.:confused: I think the money issue is just an issue that some men have period. My children's father is black and he was and is the same way. He thinks that it's alright to ask me or money and to a point if I can help him I will because he is the father of my children so there is that bond that will always be there. But at the same time, he got deported because of someone else and left me with these kids to raise by myself. My husband is in prison and he has never asked me for money. I think it's just the mentality of some men. Now my children's father is jamaican so that is a cultural difference but I know other jamaican men who aren't like that.

I believe the relationship I am in now our problems are mostly culturally. He is black raised inner city. All his life he was raised living in a car,shelters, and then at 16 his mother died so he was put into foster care. He has had to grow up fast and seen things that most people think are only in movies. I am a white spoiled middle class girl raised in the country and have been very sheltered and can be immature. So I think all of that sometimes just causes frustration in both of us because of expectations so we fight.

I am in an inter-racial relationship. When I read these things I'm not seeing anything cultural or ethnic about the things that are being said. Money issues happen to all couples, white/white, black/black, black/white, hispanic/black, hispanic/white....this stuff happens with all people. Also with raising children I don't believe that the differences are a race thing, you could be two white people, one jewish, one christian and the same thing will happen. I guess I just don't see things as a race issue. My man and myself haven't had any issues because we are different races and we've known each other a long time. I guess I see everything as a human issue.

Im mixed, but was raised in a black home by my father, yet i still have problems with my baby (who's black) over cultural differences sometimes. I dont think that it is necessarily colour/race, but more of a case of differences in how you were brought up and in what areas. I know that he and i were raised differently and in different type of areas, so i feel that that is where some of the problems lay.

I'm not in an IR relationship, however some of my family members are. They have children as well. I absolutely agree w/ Csmcgrl23. I see everything as a human issue. I will say this tho. I have a cousin who is white, her man is black. His family buy's their girl only black dolls. Funny thing is so does hers. Except me of course. I'm one of those that buys all kinds of dolls.

I see many types of couples. Honestly, it's only cultural if the couple makes it cultural. Everyone deals w/ different ideas on money issues, rearing children issues, religous issues. And ALL ideas span across all cultures. It really depends on the individuals beliefs.

Glad to see everyone here ;)

Stacy

I haven't really run into anything that i would call a cultural or racial problem. I have heard people say that the differences in the way that people of different races live makes the relationship more difficult to maintain. I always thought that being in the south just trumped the ethnic differences because almost around here everyone is conservative to a point and just plain ol' southern country. LOL

. . . We have completely different view about money. He says it is a cultural difference but I think it is more a difference of the fact that he has been in there for 10+ years and he is out of touch with working and paying bills. We have discussed this and he just doesn't get it.:( MiaBA, your husband is killin me with that "it's our culture" thing because that is not our culture.

When a man hasn't worked and therefore hasn't applied money responsibly toward home his attitudes regarding money will sound like his. When you work and take care of home, you can get locked up for 30 years, you don't lose that concept. Your husband sounds like a man who's always been taken care of instead of being the man to take care of a woman. When it's like that -- when you get money without earning it, while the man may appreciate your help and the money, he doesn't grasp the appreciation of THE VALUE of the money. Even to the point of be wasteful with it because it's not theirs from earing, but there's from it being given to them or them stealing it.

My husband spent $11 mailing a zippered sweatshirt home because the prisons send stuff home registered and insured. When I told him he could of given that to me at visit and used that $11 dollars for commissary or to order something for himself, he accredited me with "itchingbay" and caught a lil attitude because he said I made him feel stupid. He wasn't supposed to feel stupid, he was supposed to feel "Wifey got a point".

Now, if I didn't send him commissary and he was living off what they pay him in there and him doing artwork and stuff, there's no way he'd spend $11 just to mail a sweatshirt home -- NO WAY!! He'd eat that $11 by buying food from the commissary and give me the sweatshirt at visit.

It's when you make an honest living and pay bills that you can appreciate the value in a dollar and understand the seriousness of rent and bills.

So when your man says it's a cultural thing, what I think he's saying is "that's how it is with some black men in couples situations where the man does not have his stuff together. " The couple is unmarried [but if he gets locked up he 7 times out of 10 he will get married then]. Further, the female is driving because the vehicle is hers, she's paying for the groceries because she has the money, she's paying the rent because she has the money, she's paying the utilities and other bills because she has the money, and she's putting money in his hand because he doesn't have an income and she's the one with the money. Whether she's on welfare, makes minimum wage, or earns a very nice salary, the man's concept is the same: "okay, fine, you got bills, but where my money at". I'm not talking about when the man is in prison -- I'm talking about when he is out in society. This is not our culture. I believe he said that because this goes on with some black couples.

P.S. I've done the same thing -- detailing how I spent my check sending it to him and while he gets it -- HE JUST DOES NOT GET IT. :(

The only problem my ex (black) and I (white) had in our relationship was money. He had this issue with getting a legit job. He would always say he wasn't working his a** off for $5.50 an hour. But I looked at it like $5.50 an hour was alot more than nothing an hour and that he had to start somewhere to raise up and get right. He felt that selling drugs and hustlin was faster money or sittin at home beggin me for what I had just worked all day for. That was a huge problem and I feel it wasn't so much cultural as it was enviromental. He grew up seeing that and glorifing that lifestyle where I grew up in a house where both my parents worked everyday and we were taught from a young age that to get what you want you had to work for it. My boyfriend now (also black) who I have been with for over three years is totally opposite. He would work himself to death to have just enough to make it and never ask anyone for help. He won't even ask me for money and still tries to send me money every month. I really don't think it's cultural as much it is enviromental and how your momma raised you :)

You know I like all these post! I think that everyone is right its not really a race/ethnicity issue its just how you where raised, where you where raised, and what kind of life you lived growing up that make you think the way you think... This was a good post.

I know where cultural differences show up in (or at least in my relationship): FOOD. He doesn't like a lot of Hawaiian dishes (think raw fish or certain kinds of raw seafood) and I just dig it because that's what I grew up eating. He HATES poi but I know a LOT of people not of my cultural background don't like it either.

Yeah, this might not seem to be such a big difference, but it is to him if he has to sit across the table from me and watch while I grind on poke aku, raw opihi and other Hawaiian delicacies. Because I come from a multi-cultural background, I can handle whatever HE wants to eat but...this can sometimes be a bone of contention. So I eat the things that I like with my family members and not eat it in front of him.

because there is no real answer to irrational thinking! And unfortunately, for whatever reason, he is not thinking rationally. Either that or he's just trying to make you send more money via guilt! He said he was brought up not thinking about money, well...... then why does he keep bringing it up?

I don't know what lifer means as far as when he may return, but all I know is that it seems that alot of the guys in there set some type of "status" on how many letters they get per day and how much money they receive from their mates. My guy Luis started similar "comments" which I tried to ignore to keep the peace but after a while of the "chinese water torture" I had a "heart to heart" with him during one visitation.

If he was going to measure my commitment and my love for him based on the quantity of letters and funds sent to him, then were going down the WRONG road together. And I meant it. There are months I have extra money and some I don't. We did come up with a base monthly amount that he could count on and after that, it was like anything else. If it is there, here you go, if not, then just like me suck in your gut and move on.

Maybe they do forget what it is like out here, but you know what, they should be supportive of us, not critical no different than what they want.

I don't believe this has anything to do with cultual or racial differences..... it is universal and transcends all race, gender, religion, sexual preference and any other human variance. It's a central theme of a human being.

Si Senora!:D Como estas? (Can't get my map characters for spanish keyboard to work though.) Yes I think child rearing can show differences. I just don't understand what this money issue is about unless he seems me at the white chick with it and he is a black/latin man without it and he interrprets that as a power thing.:rolleyes: I just don't understand.:confused:

I am in an inter-racial relationship. When I read these things I'm not seeing anything cultural or ethnic about the things that are being said. Money issues happen to all couples, white/white, black/black, black/white, hispanic/black, hispanic/white....this stuff happens with all people. Also with raising children I don't believe that the differences are a race thing, you could be two white people, one jewish, one christian and the same thing will happen. I guess I just don't see things as a race issue. My man and myself haven't had any issues because we are different races and we've known each other a long time. I guess I see everything as a human issue. I agree!;)

MiaBA, your husband is killin me with that "it's our culture" thing because that is not our culture.

I agree and in my personal situation I believe I am getting the spoiled-brat attitude which has nothing to do with culture and ethinicity.

because there is no real answer to irrational thinking! Amen to that and thank you.

I agree he wants more money and I don't know why. He doesn't need it. His "mom"cut him off and why isn't he crying to her for money?:confused: If I feel like sending some I will and if I don't I won't (he is now my ex so he is "entitled" to nothing!) I am very angry about this :mad: . He should appreciate what I have done and what I send and if he can't he should keep his mouth closed. I do NOT think this is a cultural/race/ethinic issue in the least.....

I think it is a selfishness issue! :blah:

Thanks for all who replied. It was good to read what others thought of this situation.

my husband -caucasion
me- west indian

My husband has a very hard childhood to his mom walking out on them and just leaving them in their home(him -2,sis-3 and bro-1) to being adopted and many other heartbroken thngs..
Me- i was raised by eveyone but my mom.. she then got married and he was more important than me.. she has always made me feel bad about myself even to this day and i currently live with her as i go to school and wait on hubby..

We both wanted children to love and show them the love and attn that we never recieved..

Problems come with what ever race you deal with no matter.. its all in the person you deal with and the issues they bring with them

Got a letter yesterday. He admitted that none of the things he said were cultural between us. He said he was being mean to push me away.:rolleyes: I am glad he recognized and admitted these issues are not racial/cultural.

Nope! Me and my Baby are both from the 'hood.:D He's more "street" then I am though.

Before my husband and I got married, his brother actually told him that I was too smart for him and that we would not work out. His reasoning was that I would not understand where his family came from. I am half white and half oriental, he is almost full afro-am and some indian. I lived a good majority of my life in a different country, and lived in an the upper/middle class in the US. I guess he didn't think that I would understand how living an underprivilidged life would be. Fortunately, I have lived in different parts of the US and the world and have an understanding of how not everybody lives eqaully. Well, I am happy to say that that was many years ago, and his brother has formally apologized and took back what he said.

I guess the moral of my story is, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks, as long as you believe that it can happen, and work towards that goal, it can happen.

Everyone has issues... I agree with ya all because the issues being discussed on this forum are UNIVERSAL issues... not race issues... I think the money thing comes from how you were brought up, not about your race. Whether black, white, hispanic, whatever.. if u were raised in the ghetto.. u were rasied in the ghetto... if you have had a hard life.. you have had a hard life.. it does not matter what color your skin is. The money issues most likely come from the enviroment you were raised in!!! Not the tone of your complexion!!!

I think the cultural issues are huge for us. He was raised in inner city chicago and is black. I am white and was raised in an upper middle class family. There are differences such as if someone in our family says they are going to do something, will they follow through or is it empty words? What scuttlebutt is repeated in the family and what is kept quiet? How our children were raised. He was in a gang. I'm pretty open and he is secretive. How we view the police... do we basically trust them or not? How much flirting is considered harmless? When some of the people he knows hear my white and educated voice, they are put off. And my family has a lot of assumptions about him without ever meeting him, because he's in prison. and I am a "by the book " person.