View Full Version : have to go in for D&C tomorrow

04-17-2003, 04:09 PM
This is really long and sort of a vent session. IF you don't want to read it and listen to me whine, you don't have to. if you do, get a cup of coffee

I was at the emergency room yesterday from 3 oclock til 10:00 or so...I was bleeding horribly hemorraging is what I was told. delayed hemorrage is becasue some of the placenta was left from the baby 3 weeks ago. I go into surgery at 10 am tomorrow..and it was scary. nothihg like that had ever happened to me and I thought for sure I was going to bleed to death LOL. I would like you all to keep me in your prayers please. Although it's nothing bad thank goodness.

My friend Patt is refusing any further treatment. She is getting bone treatments right now 3 more time to protect the bone marrow, and cut down the pain, but last week she got the results back from all the tests they have run the last 2 months and the cancer is located in 4 other areas other than in the lung. She has cancer in her lung, pelvis, rib cage, bone and in the chest cavity. Her doctor has given her a 3 month to 2 year sentence. She is already having pain in her ribs and is taking codeine 2 to handle the pain. She has been sober 26 years and her last thought is to drink at it, which is commendable. She has one of the most positive attitudes of anyone I know, and it's going to be really horrible when she is gone. I will never find another sponsor and friend like I have had in her over the last almost 19 years and the thoughts of not picking the phone up or having long sessions drinking coffee and talking for hours. She takes none of the credit for anything in my life that has been better because of the love and support she has given me so many times. I am extremely upset about this and the denial has worn off the more she talks of this but the reality that she is going to die is a harsh reality and simply something I just don't want to look at and I don't know what I will do without her really I don't.

It's bad enough losing my parents within a year of each other last year, BUT this woman who is only 58 years old>? I am lucky and blessed to have known someone like her, and the world is going to not be the same without her in it. I could talk to this person about anything and she probably knew me the better than anyone else in this world. She knew more about me than my own parents most-likely and I try to be so strong and deal with how much the role will change as the months go on and the sicker she gets. And I must be so selfish because im so worried about who will I be able to go to go who will go the lengths she did being there for me and for those she loved all these years. She was ALWAYS there. How unfair all of this is!!!!!! I know whah!!!. We have all lost those we love and what makes it hardest for me is the fact David is not here, and he's not going to be with waiting to go to prison, and the times I need him the most, he's sitting up there in jail doing time because he decided he wanted to go back to using drugs instead of doing what was right. I know it's hard to be sober! but becuase i know how hard it is, during all that time when i did struggle with compulsions and all, I did what I had to, what was suggested and I had a child who needed me to be her mother and now I have 2 one being a very sweet, but demanding infant. So it's hard for me to have compassion or feel sorry for David, because all this is on my shoulders. To top it off, his mother, has been on a drunken binge the last week or so and we had a blow out Monday when I let her have it about what I thought and although i understand a person drinking because of this disease, but when drunk and confrontational, I do have the right to speak my mind. NOt that i am judging her, it's just hard to have compassion when she is a grandma for the first time, and she is just a mess, and not at all being a granma in any sense of the form. So all the responsibility is on my shoulders because I don't trust her to at this point to watch him not even 5 minutes alone and it makes me angry! You cannot threaten a person into sobriety, and the only rule I have is not to drink when around the baby and right now she is in no shape to watch this baby when I need her because of my surgery tomorrow. She is sick from her latest binge, and it takes her about a week or more to recuperate.

David is mad at me for coming down too hard on his mother and hurting her feelings by confronting her about being falling down drunk monday afternoon at 2 P.m. and lloyd david's dad per se, came over yesterday wanting to see if everything was ok. he is sober and has been the last 13 years so he understands thank GOD! and to let me know that vicky has been crying non-stop and her eyes were swollen shut from crying.....well GOOD! is what I said and mabye one of these days if she does not drink herself to death, she might drink herself sober! I won't hold my breath. YOu can just imagine what I said to David, who is worried sick and I told him to grow the fuck up! that he needed to focus on his own recovery for Gods' sake because im just sick of it! Ok maybe I am not as suportive as I should be but when there is a lttle infant involved, her grandson who will look up to her. all of this just made me miss my parents so much more. They were dependable.
any way.

Thanks for listening to this long rant. If you got this far bless you, if you did not I don't blame you.

04-17-2003, 04:59 PM
Aw, Sunnie. The news about your D&C sucks, I'm so very sorry about your friend, and I'm sorry to hear of all the other troubles. Yeah, I get a little resentful of Brian's addiction too when I need him out here with me and he's stuck in there, I'm thankful for his recovery but sometimes you just wish you could erase it all and go back in time... however, he's my only problem, having to deal with an in-law like yours, that's a double nightmare... I'm so sorry, hon. I wish I had some real words of wisdom to say but you know, as always, this too shall pass... hang in there and {{{hugs}}}


04-17-2003, 04:59 PM
Guess what, Sunnie? It'll get better. Now, where have you heard that before? Just let go & let God.

I can imagine how much it's hurting you to see Patt slipping away. Having had a good sponsor & a good friend for 19 years is a wonderful blessing, I'm sure you must know. Think about all the things you've learned from her. During this painful time of your life you're going to need all the tools she's given you. This may be a "dark night of the soul" for you, but I promise you that you can get through it. one minute at a time, and be even stronger in the end.

I'll be holding a good thought for you.

Adrienne, another friend of Bill's

04-17-2003, 05:19 PM
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully the surgery will "fix" things and you are on your way to recovery soon.

I wish there was more I could say to make things better ....hang in there......

Mrs. D

04-17-2003, 06:11 PM

Obviously, David's mom hasn't hit bottom There are many relatives of mine and Bill's that we don't see very often at all because they're still using....We don't want to be around it and we don't want the kids around it....

Hang in there. Sounds like you need to be there for this terrific sponsor she was there for you. She'll need to talk thru everything she's going thru and will need someone she can trust and that will listen and not avoid her and not want her to talk about her upcoming death etc....

One day at a time and you can do this.....

Guess what? Another friend of Bill's....


04-17-2003, 06:41 PM
Thanks you all. sometimes i have to be reminded, and that this too shall pass! I am glad there are other friends here at the ever wonderful PTO. The ladies i have helped have often times helped me too if not more, so im just glad i could get it out so i didn't have to burden her with this as patt has enough on her plate. There are times when i feel all new again like i did those first few years. But then when major events happen i seem to automatically go back to the basics as it's those things that work the most. Just knowing that others understand. Gives me the strength.


04-17-2003, 07:27 PM

Of course I read the whole thing. I love ya gal! We all do!

Please hang in there. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers :)

04-17-2003, 08:12 PM