My name is Stacy and my little girls name is Alexi. She has never known her daddy without the bars or the glass in her way. Now he is a prison and she is just learning a little about him. She has other male supporter's in her life, but she treats her daddy differently. I am just now seeing the affects this is all beginning to have on her. She begs for male attention. So bad as to when she around someone comfortable she don't let go. I don't dare tell him these visual affects for fear of the hurt it will bring him. My heart aches daily. My worst pain comes from the seperation of the 2 of them. I am afraid she will hate him for all he's done and the choices he's made that seperated them 2 to begin with. What do I say when she begins to ask? How do I show her she is loved more than life? And how do I make the process of the 2 of them connecting beautiful and less painful. My dream was to let her be a "Daddy's GIRL!" but he is a stranger to her.
A mother's love goes far beyond the birth of a child. The lessons I have learned in such a short period will last a lifetime and beyond.
Stacy

Stacy- I know this situation hurts you very much. i think it is very unfortunate when a parent cannot hold and bond with their child. i think this is one of the major problems in the DOC-lack of humanity, and lack of the acknowledgement of the harm their policies can cause innocent children. I would continue to let her visit even if it is behind glass or through bars. How long will he be in? Will he have an opportunity to move to a less restrictive setting where he can have contact visits with her? If not, I would write letters to everyone including the media telling your story. The public is not usually sympathetic to inmates, but they are to children. Their are some innovative programs in states like California that have special arrangements so fathers and mothers can spend quality time with their children in a pleasing environment. All it takes is time and perseverance to make something like that happen in every state. As far as your daughter "hating" her father, I thinks long as he maintains contact with her and does all that he can to build and maintain a relationship with her, despite his constraints, she will understand. I wish you the best with this. As the mother of six girls, I truly feel your pain.

Ty Sherri for your kind words. He does have contact visits now THANK GOD. They started about a month ago. But the affects have truly set in at this moment. He has 3 yrs 7 months to go. By then she will know the difference. We spent over a year with "NO Contact" visits. And let me just say they hurt too deep to explain. I love this man and just wish he'd made better choices. But here we are and our strength will endure. TY for the encouraging words of her NOT hating him. I so pray that NEVER happens. She deserves to know him as I do and I would never even think of NOT letting them visit!!!!!!

Stacy-I am so glad you have contact visits now. Our youngest daughter was two when Ron went in three years ago, and let me tell you she loves her daddy! We visit probably twice a month, but calls, letters, pictures, keep them as close as they can be. it is ceratinly not the ideal "father-daughter" relationship, but it is making the best of a difficult to deal with situation. Ron still has two and a half years left in, but he has maintained a good relationship with all of our daughters, and in some wys I think has actually improved their relationship because he has learned not to take anything for granted especially your children. He tells them how much he loves them and is proud of them every time he talks with them. I truly feel like with your support and the support of her dad, Alexi will be just fine. And so will you! Hang in there!!!

TY sherri. YOu have no idea how your words have encouraged me in this short 24 hrs. It is so nice to know someone who is going thru exactly the same thing I am. A mother no doubt! It is also encouraging to know that you have insisted on theses vistis with your daughter and she is doing well with them! I have so many people out here who think it's wrong to take my daughter to see her daddy. Yet wouldn't it be wrong to withold the most precious relationship of her life away from her? WOW! Am I ever glad I wrote this post. TY again sherri and good luck to you and your family FOREVER!!! GOD BLESS YOU!

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AS WELL STACY-YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.

Hang in there Stacy. A lot of us have kids and we do the best we can to ensure the parent/child bond can be strong. Visit as much as you can, have them write back and forth (she can draw daddy a picture and he can write her short letter--just to her), and let her talk too when he calls. It all helps....

Deb

Thank YOu Deb I do all of that constantly. She scribbles on all the letters I write him I call them "Alexi's art work to Daddy" They talk almost everytime he calls unless she is sleeping. I try to make sure the communication lines remain as open as possible for the 2 of them. It just makes me extremely sad that the 2 of them don't have the relationship that they both deserve. Yes he did what he did but he is a wonderful person and I KNOW he would make the BEST daddy if he were out here with us! She is missing out on the most important parts of this relationship. As well as him missing the most wonderful years of her life. My struggles are minute compaired to the pain i endure over the seperation of them 2. I guess I started this to let it out, since no one out here understands a mom's pain like the ones on this website.
Thanks for reading and understanding!

Stacy

Hey Stacy,

I know how she must feel. Well my stepdad is in prison for supposdly sexually abusing his x-wifes daughters. I know how hard it is to not be able to see a loved one that much. And only once a week with the loved one behind plexiglass. Its really hard. All i can say mostly is hang in there and know that the good lord is looking down and you will be a family again soon.

Best wishes,
Katie

Wow I haven't seen this post in ages.....lol!! I almost forgot it existed. Thanks for your kind words Katie. I must say things have really come around since I posted this. They are super close. He calls alot and they talk on the phone!! When we visit, his entire attention is on her and what she wants him to do. My fears were real when I posted this, BUT to my amazement he has quashed them all!! I guess that's why I've married him huh? lol

Stacy

Hey Stacy

My son turned 2 years old 2 months after his dad was taken under custody. While he was at the county correctional facility
i only took my son once to see his daddy, but it was so depressing watching his reaction to the fact that he couldn't touch his dad, he seem so confused by the fact that he could hear him and see him but not been able to touch was socking to him, he literly started to hit the glass to supposely brake it, it broke my heart to see him do that. After that day my husband and i decided for me not to take him any more, but now he was just sentence to 16 years and was recently transfer to San Quentin State Prison, I can't visit him yet , but when I'm able to do you think i should start taking him to see his daddy. I'm really confuse, i don't know if i should just wait and see if we're gonna be able to get contact visits. What do you suggest??

HI NENA ,HE IS STILL GONNA BE THE DAD ON THE INSIDE AND THE LENGTH TIME YES I WOULD,HE WILL COME AROUND ONCE HE GETS USED TO IT

Thank you for your words dkr55, and yes i will start taking my son to see his dad as soon as we are able to visit him. I hope it won't be to far from now...

GOD BLESS YOU!!

Sorry it took so long to respond....I've been offline for a few days.....but I agree with dkr.......I would take him to see his dad. No matter what that is his Dad and to keep the 2 seperated will only cause more confusion in your son. I wish you the best of luck and if you need....PM me we will talk more on this.

Stacy

My son will be 2 next month & his daddy has been locked up since April 23rd,2003 & even though I thought he would forget about his DAEEE he hasn't!! Trey is a daddy's boy by far! The 1st time I took Trey to see Chuck ,Trey ran up to him screamin' DAEEE & huged him & would not let go :ha: it was really painful to watch :(