View Full Version : How can I get his father to help me care for him? (parents)
06-12-2005, 08:51 AM
just wondering how you deal with this--if you do. My ex--my son's Dad--pays so much lip service to worrying about my son inside. Yet he has written 2 letters since he has been in (3 months) and has not given Sena's address to his side of the family (and yes the other side knows Sean is in jail). He is a millionaire several times over--but hasn't gotten his butt up here to visit--but keeps telling me he will.
Now, he does live out of town--Mississippi-so I know he can't be there all the time. But I have asked if he could take over sending Sean, say, cigarettes (especially since he smokes and I do not and it kills me to send cigarettes)--even gave him the upnorth web site for ordering. No response. So now I think I will ask him to send me money each month toward food, gas etc. (my gas alobne costs $80 a trip).
Not whining--just looking for ideas?????
06-13-2005, 08:26 AM
anneies I think that there is nothing wrong with asking. I don't have excatly the same situation, but my husbands brother has never been to see him (he's been in over 10 years) and for awhile his sister was not visiting either. When they talk to me they always say what they plan on doing, but often don't. So when I see them, I ask if they have something that they want to send their brother. Both his parents are deceased.
If they give it to you, you can make sure that your son gets what he needs. I hear you on the cigarettes. My husband doesn't smoke, but I have friends that will ask me to pick them up some at the store, and I won't. But that's another story.
ASK!!! Sometimes people make a situation appear moer diffilcut than it it. Maybe just sending money is easier and then they don't have to think about other actions to take.
03-11-2006, 06:39 PM
are there anymore moms in ny with loved ones inside?
03-13-2006, 09:43 AM
My son's father hasn't bothered with him in years so there is no sense asking him for help now. In fact the last time I talked to him he denied even knowing that his son was in prison. Hard to believe that when we live in such a small town where everyone knows everything about everybody (whether they do or not!). Also his home was one of the one's my son was accused of burglarizing!
Its a good 5 or 6 hour drive from here to see him but I still try to make the trip once a month. This month it is killing me because I won't get the chance to go see him because we are in the process of selling one home and moving to another. It's really tough not seeing or talking to him as often as I'l like. I'm really fortunate though that my sister makes the trip with me, and helps out with his packages and transportation costs.
It's really great to have this site to come to with questions and to share feelings about my loved one's incarceration.
03-13-2006, 02:17 PM
Hi*a couple of days late answering (sorry) but my son was just recently moved from Auburn to Attica. We're about 7 or more hours away as well. Hoping to be able to visit him for his birthday (end of March). I haven't seen him since last fall. Much love and prayers going out to all with imprisoned children (adults), and loved ones!:)
03-13-2006, 05:49 PM
I thought there had to be more of you out there!!! :) welcome!!!
03-13-2006, 06:06 PM
I'm not from New York, but have the same problem. My ex who has money as he work's for CBS and every now and than will send my son some money, but claims thats all we want him for, My son has been in 14yrs now and his dad has only been in his life these last five yrs. He may send $100.00 every other month and feels thats to much. My son finally told him that he was 35 yrs old now didn't need him back when he was small and don't need him now! I feel so bad for my son beacuse I know his heart is broken as he was looking forward to getting to know his dad on personal basis. But all that matters to his dad is the dollar sign. But in my books he's the loser in this and always has been. I will always be here for my son and he knows that! And that to me is what is important! God Bless you all and your sons. Cathy
03-14-2006, 10:41 AM
There is a part of PrisonTalk called "Parents with Children in Prison" that has helped me enormously! I can't explain in words how many have reached out and felt the very same~taking my feelings away of feeling all alone in this. Sometimes just to come here and read others' shares is enough. I fully understand how you feel to be judged within your own family. My oldest daughter distanced herself completely from us since my son went to prison. This is the same daughter who firmly believes if we'd beaten our son he would not be incarcerated. I do NOT think so! Yes he made unwise choices~BUT~ he is my son. I love him! His Dad, younger sister,and Grandma continue to love him. I will not abandon him at his lowest point. I do believe in 2nd chances, 3rd,etc. because all of us are capable of changing. Faith also helps me so much! I do not believe God would bring us all this far to drop us in the street (so to speak). There are reasons for all of this happening and I may never understand why but I will be here for my son. I continue to pray for all us who have loved ones incarcerated. Our loved ones are all still human beings who deserve our love and support. Someone told me the other day this expression~it helps me~"those who judge don't matter & those who matter don't judge."
Love to you all and many prayers!
03-14-2006, 06:07 PM
you all will appreciate this: going in to visit my son today and walking in with a dressed to the nines young lady--I told her-I wish my son wasn't here-but at least it is my son and not my honey--so I can dress like I want and not doll up--she laughed! I kept thinking she would fall over in those beautiful shoes---me in sneakers! Yes, it breaks my heart every time--but he and I had a good laugh about that!
Maybe we need a NyMom/Dad thread?
03-16-2006, 05:32 PM
My son is at Greene. He just got his paperwork ..saying he will get out on his cr date. When he called to tell me I cried...with happiness. He is 4 hrs away so I only see him once a month. I love and miss him so much...on a lighter note..I too see the ladies dressed to the nines. some in clothes 2 or 3 sizes too small...Sometimes I wonder if any of then really look in the mirror before they come. I can't believe their loved ones really want the other men in prison with them to see them dressed like that...but what do I know ...I'm only the mother...Ha! Ha!..anyway .. I am thankful for this website. I have gotten some very quality information from here.
June can't come soon enough..I have already bought the welcome home signs and the balloons. I found some 3 foot balloons with big smile faces on them..can't wait to decorate. The day I pick him up will be as happy as the day he was born. good luck to all the other mothers out there.
03-16-2006, 06:07 PM
I work on my son's room all the tiem and he won't be home without the appeal-for 5 years yet. It is therapy to me.
03-16-2006, 08:13 PM
This is why I brought this thread back up Ann ;)
03-17-2006, 06:30 AM
can we make it Parents- I know we have at least one Dad in NY forum!