The day my brother got out of Kansas doc i was waiting for him,they was waiting on me you see when they let him out it was not to come home it was to go to a nursing home that they had picked out .My brother was sitting in a wheelchair in the cold it was Jan.1,2005 and it is dam cold in Kansas in Jan.
There was a van waiting to take him to Cedervale,i loaded him up ,i had brought blankets,he had his flannel pants on and a sweat shirt i had brought up the week before,i wasen't sure what they would give him to were it took us over two hours to get there when we did finally get there my brother looked at me and said why did you get me out to only bring me to a circus,i cried,my brother was dying he was barely hanging on we just wanted to go home.My brother was 45 when he died on Feb.1,2005 and it took us 28 days to finally beable to go home,he passed in my home,with family and loved ones,he was truly only free for a few days,when he was in my home not a nursing home.Sometimes people forget about the family they have in prisons all around our world,and when it comes time for them to go home,they have no home to go to.It is SOOOOOO Important to Love like this is your last day and always remember our family is the root of who we are.Don't ever have the thought of If I Had Only Knew......Always know that Creator watches out for all of us.

Always Walk In Beauty
Smokies sister Sarah

i am so sorry about your brother i lost mine back in 97 he to went to a nursing home he wanted to die at home but mom thought it was best because of my brothers two young neices not wanting to be in the house after he died.......scottie died february 5th 97 after a long battle with aids.........he was never incarcerated but the pain is the same........i feel for you..........i lost my heart that day............always remember he is with you everyday........in everything you see touch and smell memories are a wonderful thing hold them close to your heart and cherish them...........i am very thankful you had even a few days at home with him before he passed on........and at least a few days of freedom..............my heart aches for you from experience it does get better in time..........i still find myself at times crying over him and talking to him.......i do know in my heart and mind if scottie never left me my life would be different and i myself never would have gotten into the trouble i got into....... he was always there for me and helped me with everything it was an unconditional love he never judged me or cut me down he didnt always approve but he excepted me and delt with everything i happened to get into............a brothers love is the best.........he will forever be in my heart..........i have his name birth date and death date tatted on me.............thats one tat i will never regret.................find one special spot and visit it often and think of him and talk to him hes listening and thankful you were in his life................may he rest in peace.............

i forgot to add..........scottie also felt as your brother did about nursing homes i also took him from the hospital by ambulance to the nursing home.................while i was dressing him he asked where he was going i said to the nursing home he looked blank and said fine...............with a pissed attitude it was very hard bringing him there but im glad i was the one with him it was his last outside ride other than going to the funeral home...........scottie was creamated and we spread his ashes in mexico where he wanted he said he could lay in the sun and drink margaritas for eternity.............

Thank you for the good words.......i miss him so much as you say it will get better in time and yes i know it will but untill then i feel sooo lost,right now i am feeling pretty lost.

Always Walk In Beauty
Smokies sister Sarah

I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. I lost my Mom last year, so I do understand the pain. Honestly, I don't think the pain ever goes away...some how we just learn to live with it. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May he rest in peace...

Smokie was very fortunate to have you as a sister! Just remember he is watching over you each and every day.

Take care
ONE

Your brother is in a better place, sorry for your loss.

Thank you for the good words.......i miss him so much as you say it will get better in time and yes i know it will but untill then i feel sooo lost,right now i am feeling pretty lost.

Always Walk In Beauty
Smokies sister Sarah

So sad to hear!

I cried when I read the first post.

But, at least you got that short time with him. Not much consolation, but . . . .

My mother died in March 2002, after surgery, sudden as a thunderbolt, never had a chance to say goodbye.

You live with it, of course. It's like a hole in drywall, plastered with mud; the hole's still there, just not so obvious.

Did they release your brother because he was ill? Some states won't even do that.

Hope all is well with you

abner

Sarah (((((((((hugs))))))))))

I am so very sorry for your loss and I hope you are doing ok, it's been awhile. My condolances to you and yours.