We all are too aware of the daily lives of our loved ones behind bars. We do all that we can do to help ease their pain, but, what else can we do that we aren't doing? Any Suggestions?:confused:

Lexigirl,
Good question. I don't really know the answer but I just write, write and write some more. I send jokes or funny pictures (like a pic of my feet). I just do things to make him laugh.

Kristen

Do you send jokes? I send jokes all the time and he laughs and shares them as they are then passed around.....

Deb

They have giving you some wonderful ideas. Best wishes to you and hope he feels better soon

I've been asking myself the same question. For the past two weeks, I've been sending a letter a day and adding jokes in there as well. I also send books when I have the extra money. I don't know what more I can do that I'm not already. I did ask him that in a letter, though, so I'll either find out today when he calls or Tuesday when I get my letter. :) If he gives me any ideas, I'll be sure to pass them along to you.

Like others, I send jokes a lot. My husband also likes the News of the Weird and other crazy things that people do.

I also include my husband in the everyday things of life...what comes in the mail - even the junk mail!!! I write to him of the telemarketing calls and ask him for ways of harrassing them when they call at a bad time. I draw a graph of the living room and ask him what can I do to make it look better. I send pictures of the stages of my flower garden, from the first crocus poking out of the snow to the last blooms of fall. I took pictures of various floor tiles and let him help me choose what I would put down. I cut out clothes out of magazines and ask him to pick a new outfit for me. Of course, I NEVER send something I wouldn't wear!!!

He must have 50 photos of the cats and 30 of the dog. Smokey and Sydney the cats don't change, but the surroundings are always new......in a tree, laying on the back of my chair, rolling around in my flowers, chasing a bird. He has watched Drake grow from a 2 pound baby to a 95 pound baby.

When he writes something special to me, I reprint it on the computer with a fancy border and such, buy a frame at the dollar store and put it up in our bedroom. I also make a copy for him to show him just how much his words mean to me.

There a lot of things you can do that don't cost very much and for my husband, it helps him get thru those tough days and it makes him feel that even though he has never lived here with me....its his HOME too!

mrs. D

Oh yeah Deb, I download stuff of the net all the time and he likes to be kept abreast of current world events, especially the flag debate here in Georgia! I just, well, what I really want to do is go get him and bring him home. I don't think that he realizes how upsetting it is for me to hear that "voice and tone" that he has every now and then. Sometimes I feel as if I'm just not doing enough even though he says otherwise constantly. Perhaps.. I'm the depressed one and he's just existing normally?

mrs. d those are totally great ideas! Thank you for sharing them.

MY GUY LOVES HIS CROSSWORD PUZZLES SO I SEND THOSE ALL THE TIME. I SEND JOKES, INFO OFF THE NET ESP. THINGS ABOUT MI PRISONS/PAROLE, I GOT HIM A SUBSCRIPTION TO HIS HOMETOWN NEWSPAPER. HE LOVES THAT AND IT MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE HE IS CLOSER TO HOME. :)

Are they into a certain sport? You can go on the net and print stuff out about their team etc....or go to ESPN or NHL of NFL etc...whatever they like....I make my husband a calander each month from the Flyer's site.....

Deb

sports. Thata something that I haven't thought of, really. He's into nascar and girls soccer. Matter of fact, he called me earlier and commented on how into the race he was. Thanks Deb!!!!!!

OK...well when I read the original post, my thoughts went in a differnet direction.... JD has had serious issues in the past (and still struggles with it....) And while I do all I can by writing often and sending him funny and inspirational tidbits in my letters, I also think that I have helped him a great deal in fighting his depression by helping him to learn a differnt way of thinking about things...
We all get depressed from time to time, but we also at times deal with hardships without letting them get us down.... Depression IS a way of thinking... (ok I realize this sounds very simply cognitive in perspective, but it is true...) Feelings of depression center around 2 things....
HOPELESSNESS (the thought that things will never get better) and HELPLESSNESS (the thought that there is nothing we can do to make things better)....
I think incarceration FEEDS these two ways of thinking.... because the system has so many flaws, the light at the end of the tunnel can be so hard to see, and the system is set up to make the inmate feel powerless.....
When JD gets depressed, I try to encourage him to TALK about what thoughts are going through his head-- and help him break the issues down and look at them in a different light.....

Although I can't possibly imagine what it's like to have depression and be in prison, I know what it's like to have it out here, so in keeping touch with my many penpals I, too, share jokes, goofy things that have happened to me (of which there are too many) affirmations, poems and prayers. Don't know what else we can do except continue to be always there for them.

That is the hardest thing for an inmate to fight. Depression seems to carry over to each and every one of them because they miss their families so very much and just living on the outside in General.... It is no vacation for them.... I too wish there were more that could be done to help in that area.... I see my own son fight with it daily and I have seen many other inmates that I work with in the same mode... One day they try hard to be positive and then something happens and they are in another depression... It is not only hard for them, but hard on the families too.

Surely there is something that can be done.

Donna

I agree. There has to be more that we can do... but WHAT!!! That's the whole problem

My husband has worked two full time jobs for the past 25 years and now that he is in prison we refer to it as being his retirement village. He laughs about that as we were not sure he would be able to relax enough to ever retire. Now he has no choice and he is doing as well as can be expected. I too sent him our hometown paper and he has to give me the highlights of what is happening at home as I don't read the paper. He always finds the interesting things to tell me about when he calls. Several of my friends from Church write him every week and chellenge him to Bible quizes about different verses they read. He loves that. All you can do is be there for them when they need to talk and really listen.

Eddie wrote also from time to time, I got depressed and than he sleep ... I don´t know what is a depression, I never had, so it´s really hard for me to read that.
I also ask me always, what I can do ??? I also send stuff from the internet, the last I send a bugs bunny comic, haha...but I am not sure if he get it ???? He always think about my money, because I write from germany , so the postage are really expensive here...I pay for to send a comic and a letter 8 $US / Euro!!! So what I can do that´s cost not always so much ? Any idea´s ?

Hi! You all have great ideas. I always write on very bright paper and make everything as colorful and cheery as I can .I try to remind her that they can take her time, and her rights of freedom but the one thing they can't touch is the spirit within. That is you one true possesion. The fire that you possess deep inside that keeps the spark in your eye. Don't give that to them because that is the most important thing you will ever need. Good luck!

I get the whole family involved and they start writing like crazy. They send tons of Pictures and Cards too!

I tell my son to call everyday if he wants, just to get him over the Hump! It only happens about once or twice a year! I think mostly after he gets his package and all the goods disappear within a week.

He is on his down side and seems to be doing well considering he has done 8years.

Love
Kathy

Here in Dallas, there are clips called Love Is...I try to clip them daily and when I get a weeks worth I mail them to him. Also Wal-Mart has .99 cards that I send.

lexigirl,

I wrote a piece some time back called "Edification - Positive Speak"

Here is the link....

I think that it is appropriate to revive this link in this situation because we can have an impact on the ones we love inside... They are stripped of all human dignity when inside and they have no control of what happens in 'our' lives on the outside. In many cases they are knocked down everytime that they try to lift themselves up while inside.

I believe in this method of building a person up with all my heart. Start slowly so that it seems to be coming naturally but when you pick out all of the good things about any individual and start to feed them Positive Speak and Edify them on a regular basis - their self esteem starts to rise and they begin to feel better - empowered within themselves...

Hopefully this will help...

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=5479

I WRITE ALL THE TIME AND SEND HIM PICTURES AND JOKES, SONG LYRICS, I ALSO SEND HIM A SUBSCRIPTION TO SPORTS ILLUSTRATED AND JUST LITTLE THINGS TO BRIGHTEN HIS DAY. PLUS WE TALK ON THE PHONE ALOT, AND NO I DONT HAVE A BIG PHONE BILL. HE CALLS ABOUT 4 TIMES A WEEK. DEPENDING ON PHONE TIME AND WHEN HE SIGNS UP. OUR GRANDAUGHTER ALSO WRITES HIM AND DRAWS FOR HIM SHES 5 YEARS OLD. HE WRITES HER TOO, WE TRY TO KEEP HIM BUSY, PLUS HE WORKS IN THERE TOO.

I write al;ot and send him pictures the kids do for him, I write my own little "stories" and send him I use brtight papaer and gel pens Clip things off the intenet . We play 20 guestions back and ofrth that can get really interesting, Lots of pictures and since he likes to draw I print of pictures he can use for inspiration. I tell him everylittle detail of my life and visit as much as possible.

Such wonderful ideas all of you have! I don't write anyone. I joined PTO since I will be the one going away June 2. All I can think of is that one of the things I dread most is the thought of losing the memories that will be made while I am gone. I also hate the idea that I can not be here to offer advice or help. The whole idea of being totally cut off from the "real" world is so disturbing and depressing.
My children are not much for writing and are so busy that I am afraid I won't get very many letters. I worry about that being so depressive. I can't get on to them about it though because I don't want to put more on them than what they already have to deal with.
Reading the answers to these questions though really impressed me about all that you do for your loved ones and for your friends. I know that I have said it before, but what a wonderful group of people you all are! How lucky your loved ones are to have you in their life. :-)

i was reading these posts...and i know that russ suffers from depression...thats part of what got him in prison in the first place...and i know i suffer with it myself...but...i send him lost of jokes...funny stories...tell him about dumb things i have done...whatever i know will make him smile...he tells me often that without me he would just fade away...i dont know about that...but...i do know that all the little things we do, and say...mean the world to them... another suggestion...i send pictures of things..a river...a boat..whatever....he says that he looks at them and it takes him out of prison...thats just something that works for him...or when i went somewhere..i took pictures of things we did...and then he can share the trip too....little things count...mel

I always make it a point to buy alot of cards , and take my time choosing them so they suit our feelings well. I send one a couple of times a week. and when hes real down i send them every other day to lift his spirits. I also sometimes write down the lyrics to special songs and send them as well. There is way to much medication being given to our guys in jail for depression.

My son gets depressed, and so do I. When I do, I say a prayer that he is given a second chance on life. I am not a real religious person, but I find some comfort in a short prayer for him.

I have suggested to my fiancee to see the prison psychatrist and it is a no go because he says the psychatrist is homosexual. I told him the sexual preference of the psychatrist would not be discussed with him unless he asks. But, I also send my James jokes and other material. I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with the book entitled Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's Soul but I sent my man a copy and got one for myself. I enjoyed it as did he. Some of the stories are tearful and some are inspirational. James said he skipped the ones that made him sad. But everytime he feels down I told him he needs to either write me or call me. My phone bill is out of this world and so far been able to pay the full amount! Yvonne

Inmates need to see things that remind them of the outside world. Sending them pictures of yourself, postcards of places you've been while they've been gone, song lyrics, or jokes can really make a difference. The smallest things can make them feel a lot better.

i FEEL IF MORE AND MORE PEOPLE WRITE TO OUR CONGRESSMAN .THE STATE BOARD OR GOVERNMENT TO TRY AND CHANGE WHAT GOES ON BEHIND PRISON WALLS TO OUR LOVE ONES.YOU NEVER WHAT A DIFFERENCE IT WILL MAKE .