I was married 10 years to a very abusive man. My daughter overdosed on pills thursday night she is 11. She said she did it because she doesnt want to go to her dads this summer. He lives 20 hours away. She started counsling today and the counsler said she had post traumtic stress disorder, she was their the last night he beat me bad. I dont know how to keep her here and not go to jail. the judge in our town thinks a dad should be apart of her life all the time, right now i think she needs time to get this out and stay away until she feels safe this happened almost two years ago. i contacted a lawyer and he says she has to tell the judge this on the stand in front of her dad. I know what will happen she will have a very very hard time if she has to go. I have turned him in for biting her even when he backhanded her for passing gas at the age of 7. She doesnt feel safe and all the things the counslor told me I wouldnt either. I feel helpless. I know what it is like when he is mad and now I feel bad because I stayed with him for so long so he would keep his hands off the kids. I know she has seen alot of the beatings and I cant take that away. I want her to be safe. Any ideals on what I can do.

You mean the judge wants her to go visit her dad even though he knows that he has beaten the kids???? I find that unbelievable.. Don't you have something like childcouncelor in the US, who take the interest of the child? What if you let her tell her story on a tape and you take it to the judge with her, so he can hear it and it makes it easier for her to talk about it? What if you get something from the doctors which would say that she took an overdose because of beeing afraid to go see her dad and that the docotor thinks it wouldn't be a good idea for her to go and see him?

Did she go to the hospital, is there a record of her overdose. I think it would make sense to have the hospital counselor she saw help you. I'm sure there is some type emergency petition that an attorney can use to get the Judge to view the counselors report. I wish I had the answers. Did you ever have contact with a Victims Advocacy Group when he was abusing you. They may have some answers.

Good Luck

I know people get scared at the idea of getting DCF involved but they can help, if there is a hospitalization for overdose I am suprised the hospital did not call them to do a case review. I would call them on your ex and tell them what you told us.

Honey - there should be a Child Advocate you can get in touch with in your system somewhere. They should be able to independently go to court on your daughter's behalf to have the visitation order vacated. That person will not be your lawyer, but would be independent of both parents, interested only in getting the result that is good for the child.

Since she OD'd isn't she seeing a psychiatrist or something now? Whoever she is seeing for couseling could write a letter recommending that she should not have to go to her dad's and you could take it to court and appeal it or whatever I would think. Good luck, I hope you can work it all out so that she doesn't have to go.

My situation has a few similarities to yours but some very basic differences. Try to be strong for your girl first. Did she go to emergency and did they clasify it as a suicide attempt or an accidental overdose. Did they put her on a 72 hour psych hold or release her and have you take her to her private counselor only. These things may make a big difference. I would definately make sure that I had a copy of all the medical and pychiatric records given to the attorney and haver her therapist state clearly in the report that her motivation is fear and that if visits must be done they should be supervised. These are maybe things you could try and have done. I don't know how the family courts are back there. Out here in Ca. they stink and it took me years but I just kept pushing. I hope you are able to get her some relief from her pain and fear and also your own. Keep her in counseling it has helped my daughter tremendously.

They let her go home with me I knew the doctor on that night and since I am a paramedic he felt comfortable letting her go. Yes she is in counling and I hope that the counslor will write a letter on her behalf. I cant find a child adovcate in our county. But I am going to fight this for her and my younger son. I dont want to let him go and it get worse for him. She has stated she will get on the stand and tell the judge want has happened when they visited last time. If I had know that it was that bad I would not have let them go.

Honey - the court can appoint a Child Advocate, if things go that far.

When my parents split, 44 years ago, I talked the judge into letting me live with my father, but he still required me to visit my mother (who had my brother- yeah, it was F'ed up) and I would come home from those visits physically sick from the tension, sit on Dad's lap and cry 'till I fell asleep. Didn't go to school on a Monday for about a year, from being so physically ill. Judge finally, finally stopped the visitation requirement. That was long ago, when mothers were automatically deemed to be the only fit place for children. My dad fought like crazy for both of us, and it was stunningly important to me that he won, in the end. So you just keep fighting for your daughter.

Usually in cases involving a child and child custody down here they appoint an attorney just for the child to protect the child's best interest. Hang in there. Now I don't know about Oklahoma but here if you refuse to turn over your daughter/son the police can't force you to, your ex would have to file contempt of court charges against you. Would yours actually do that or is he more talk?

I agree with Quinn. Here in Florida my ex would have to take me back to court and file a grievance over me not letting him see his son. but by the that time you will have all this documentation to take to court to show why you didn't.

I know when my ex and I spilt up I went for supervised visit just for this reason and because he was taking my son and step daughter with him to buy drugs. the judge said NO on the supervised visit. That I had not proven enought evidence to support that claim....I looked that judge dead in the eye and told him that if my son got killed because of this I would be back. The judge chuckled and said is that a threat and I said NO your honor that is a promise.......

It actually took my husband now to stop my ex.....of course even though my husband is in prison.....my ex is still very much afraid of my husband.....

Good luck and just know we are here for you


Usually in cases involving a child and child custody down here they appoint an attorney just for the child to protect the child's best interest. Hang in there. Now I don't know about Oklahoma but here if you refuse to turn over your daughter/son the police can't force you to, your ex would have to file contempt of court charges against you. Would yours actually do that or is he more talk?

You Can Get All The Abuse Records , If You Reported The Abuse During Your Marriage And The Councelor's Statement For Your Attorney, And Like Someone Said Have A Tape Of Your Daughter Stating What Has Happened. There Is No Reason They Would Put Het Through The Court Appearance Knowing All This Information. Good Luck To You And Your Kids.

Will my daughter told her counsler she wanted to tell the judge how she felt. I will not make her go so I told her if she didnt want to she didnt have to if he takes me to court over it that is fine my lawyer stated since he is behind on child support and has been drinking in front of the kids (which the divorce papers states he can not have any) it will put the court cost on him. He is still threating me but I can deal with it but the kids should not have to deal with him saying stuff to them. My daughter has shown amazing strenght thru this, I didnt realize how strong she is. I cry just thinking about it. I could not stand up to him for 12 years and she is doing it at the age of 11. I have tried to get a court appointed lawyer for her but no one seems to want to help.

Good for both of you, Honey!!Just keep on going as you are, and I'm pretty sure you'll get what you need. Be careful with your daughter, though. After the pressure is over she may need to regress for a little while. If she does, she'll get through it and be her normal age/self.

Peace

here you go- http://www.oklahomacasa.org/

Court appointed advocates. They deal with the child only. They do not deal with you or with her father. They do what is IN HER BEST INTEREST!!!!!!


You get your hands on anything you can to support your case. Get copys of records or anything you can. Let me know what happens. I have lived this and now my kids are the ones suffering. Don't stop fighting for them ever. You can make it mandated that if he wants visitation, it is in a neutral territory, i.e. Children and Youth building with a police officer or ward of the court attending. God be with you and I will be praying for you and your kids.

Are you in domestic violence counceling? Find your nearest shelter and get counceling for all of you. HE IS STILL ABUSING YOU AND USING THE KIDS TO DO IT!

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/okdv.shtml Check here for somewhere near you.

http://www.oklahomafamilylawcenter.com/resources_page.html

Take to the end, don't let him get the better of you, just when you think there's no mor to give is when you give your all. you got it. kids have a say os in this world and it's time we all listen. It's hard enough to be a kid tody without abuse. we all need to stick together in this arena as our children depend on us. we can all be there for them.
good luck honey as i said pull together love bbs mom