All of UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright [Archive]

sclcookie

01-22-2005, 08:38 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright December 25 to 26, 2004

Dec 25

It is Christmas Day! Merry Christmas to all and God Bless you and you families. I spent most of my day thinking about my little girl and hoping she had a wonderful holiday along with the rest of my family out there.

Of course Christmas day on the row is no reason to stop the abuse or insanity. My neighbor, Donald N AKA “Lizerd”, one of the infamous Texas 7 is coming back from his Christmas visit with a 5 man extraction team wheeling him on a gurney!! Merry, Merry Christmas Donald!!!

I asked Lizard what happened. After visit policy is a “strip search” in the legal cage! Why? Who knows? You visit over the phone with bullet-proof glass between your visitor and yourself…anyway. I digress…When Lizerd was just in the legal cage and un-cuffed he asked “to speak to the Captain”! They asked “what for?” Lizerd said “personal reasons, not everyone’s business”. This place is like a damn gossip column for real. The powers to be told Lizard the Lt. Griffin was the highest rank on the farm.

Now Lizard told me “I’ve been in this system off and on since 1979 and worked many jobs that required me to be ready 24 hours a day and have had Captains pull me out too many times to count, so I know they always have a at least a Captain available.”

Anyway Lizerd refused to come out of the legal cage and the “Goon Squad” 5 man team was used to extract him by a “use-of-force.” Of course they did not use the usual tear gas and pepper spray on him because they did not want to stain the “pretty white walls” in the main hallway! They must make sure that it stays presentable for tours! (NOTE HERE: there are 6 pods on Death Row A-Pod – F-Pod. Now A-Pod is all newly painted and properly cleaned religiously. Why? Because that is the “Show Pod” for tours and media…The rest of the pods are dirty and smelly.) The use-of-force was of course dirty as they all are. They put the handcuffs on sideways so they dig into you nerve and bones. On as tight as possible. Same with the leg shackles.

Why did Donald feel the need to go to this extreme? He has been filing paper (grievances) on these people for years about unsanitary cells…(See, at first they moved all members of the Texas 7 once a month for security reasons, i.e. harassment…then it was 1 per day for 3 weeks and now it is 1 or 2 x a week!!!) Moving into cells full of human waste…..!!

He would have kept fighting with just paper, but on October 15, 2004, they violently assaulted prisoner N while he was handcuffed behind his back on the run refusing to go into a cell that was filthy.

I asked prisoner N to write in his own words what happened on October 15, 2004.

Donald N AKA Lizerd:

"On October 15, 2004 as I was brought out of the shower I saw 3 Sgt., a Lt., and a handful of COs (Non-ranking Officers). I was informed to pack my property because I was moving.

As I was packing I showed Sgt. P the grievence I won which is GR. # 2004008074 wich clearly state the requirement of the ranking officer in charge to properly search and sanitize any cell they are moving a prisoner into! This is for disease control and also for security reasons. The above #2004008074 grievance was signed off by Warden A.” (Mr. N also has stated Death Row Warden J also signed off on 2 grievances about the same security disease threat.)

“Now as they moved me or tried to move me to FF-71 Cell I noticed the cell was filthy. Mind y’all, this is a constant battle seeing I’ve been moved 56 times just this year ALONE!!! So I stopped at the door and advised Lt. K (who is now Captain K) of the proper policy and procedures that need to be followed before moving me into this cell. Lt. K walked in the cell, walked out and said ‘Put him in the cell’. I locked my legs and refused to move.

TDCJ allows a prisoner who is in imminent fear or bodily injury or safety to refuse an order! Without repercussions. With aids, Hepatitis C, Bronchitis floating around this camp….I had good reason to not want to enter this filthy cell.

Lt. K told the officers to stop until a camera came! (Policy states: Any use of force must be taped and a 5 man team suited up in ’Combat Protection Gear’ if at all possible.) Lt. K stated ‘Warden A is not here. I’m running this and you will go.’

In the mean time Captain W come storming down the run, walked past me and told the guards ‘Put the Punk in his cell.’ (Now the term ‘punk’ in prison means a person who was forced to perform sexual favors on other men. Very degrading and unprofessional.) Now in that one statement he violated a few rules.
1) No attempt of intervention to try and reason the matter through by talking. (Work wonders Wickersham)
2) Called Prisoner Newbury a Punk. Provoking the situation more.
3) Authorized a use-of-force with no video camera and no extraction team.
Of course by the time the use-of-force (punches, kicks, arm bending) ended the camera was finally there at the very end! Convenient, eh?

Then Capt. W violated more policies and procedures by taking it upon himself to cancel my approved visit, leveling me at Level III status. A Captain alone can NOT change a prisoner’s status. That has to go through the proper channel which is (DRCC) Death Row Classification Committee. Just another ‘I’m Above the Law’ Rogue Move by out Rogue Capt. W. I grieved this issue also and low and behold, the grievance was ‘lost’ and the time frame to file ran out! (God Bless the ‘Good Ole Boyz ‘Sys. Of Justice in TDCJ.)

Now I know what it means when they wear their TDCJ issued hats that way ‘We take care of our own’. H***, sounds like something for a street gang, eh?

Now I have had 4 use-of-forces since than because I refuse to lie down for the ‘Master’ and all his puppets!

Here is a funny bit of irony for y’all. Now remember this all started with them saying they must move me every 7 days….well my first 9 ½ weeks on Level III (which is the highest security risk status there is) I was not moved at all!!! I guess they only move me once a week when it does not inconvenience them, but me. So that tells me they are just playing games with me. This is not security. It’s a dog and pony show!!!

Thanks for Reading My words

Donald N
AKA LIZERD”

Dec. 26

It is 3:00 a.m. and I just received my pathetic breakfast tray!! One spoon, yes on tablespoon of instant eggs and 1 tablespoon of applesauce and 2 hockey-pucks or biscuits and a carton of milk! I’m starving here so I have decided to jack my breakfast try.

Now policy states that they get a 5 man extraction team, gas me, run in on me and get the tray before a weapon can be made. Instead they spend 2 hours trying to talk me out. 6 a.m. come and second shift leaves and no I’m 1st shifts problem. Can you say passing-the-buck?

Now I’ve heard nothing so far and it is close to 10 a.m. Plenty of time to make a weapon out of a sharp and sturdy plastic tray, which I do no do!!

Anyway lunch comes around and they don’t feed me ANYTHING!!! Now it is a federal law that you cannot keep food from a prisoner for a punishment. They are suppose to come get the tray by any means necessary and put me on Food Loaf for 7 days! (What is Food Loaf? Well, they basically take a tray of food in a blender, grind it up and bake it into cornmeal.) Food Loaf is disgusting but the corn meal fill you up. That’s why I want it! Damn shame I’m so hungry I want to eat a nasty food loaf instead of what the powers to be claim is a well balanced and nutritional meal! Yeah because Sgt. L tells them not to.

Well, I finally agree to give them the tray and get on Food Loaf. I now wonder how long they would have starved me. If that is not cruel and unusual punishment, what is? Sounds like a Nazi Concentration Camp.

You see how this is working, we have the Rogue Capt. W who does what he pleases. All the Rank below him see this and do as they please. Now Major Nelson, sho is above Capt. W just ignores it all, I-60’s, grievances…and turns a blind eye. She knows exactly what all her ranking officers below her do. It is so frustrating to be put in a no-win situation as this but to give-up or give in is just not an option for me anymore. They are going to kill me. I can’t get my special visits….nothing else matters to me at this point!!! I’m really trying to hold it together!

In Struggle and Solidarity R. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

softheart

01-22-2005, 11:13 AM

Anyone who wants to read Richards accounts can go to, you can read all the updated versions on the website.

http://www.1prison.com/

softie

sclcookie

01-26-2005, 10:43 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright December 28 to 29, 2004

Dec. 28

All is quiet, like before the storm….

Dec. 29

Noon –
Knock, knock, knock, Cartwright, hey Cartwright. You going to Court? Yeah, give me a minute. I’m going to court for the “Assault” on Sgt. T and Possession of a shank (weapon) Kangaroo Court”. “How do you plead Offender Cartwright 999224?” “I plead Insanity” “You can’t plead Insanity. You can plead Guilty, Not Guilty or no plea.” “Capt. B, my plea is Insanity.” He laughs and wrights “None” in the space; 30 days cell restriction!!

Now I’m being escorted back to my cell and just stop on the run. Why? I’m just fed up!! Releasing or trying to release my frustrations. Time for another use-of-for. At this time more officers are called and a video camera is present. Sgt. H fails to follow procedures and fails to have a 5 man team suit up…..to much paperwork I suppose. They forcefully put me on the floor and shackle me legs, than forcefully lift me up onto a gurney and wheel me to my cell. No paperwork? No case? Did not happen! Convenient to say the least. No problems here says TDCJ!

Anytime they put a use-of-force, they are supposed to suit up!! They truly have no rules, but we must follow them all. No rules for them. They hold all the aces. But we must keep trying just to survive the constant injustices placed upon us…

Now as I come wheeled back on the gurney they go to get Donald N for court. Now I don’t know how or why, but Mr. N and I have seemed to be feeding off of, or into each others hopeless frustrations. Misery loves company? Strength in numbers? I don’t know, but I take comfort in the camaraderie we now share. It take a little of the hopelessness out of the frustration.

Anyway 30 minutes later and Mr. N is being brought in on a gurney! I have to laugh or else I’ll cry. I know how he feels. I know what he is going through and, more importantly, he knows how I feel. 2 men fight the entire system! Can we win? Never! Can we survive? Maybe!

What is hardest is the pain and worry we cause to our loved ones, family and friends….who I can say al least for myself, are the only reason I still have the strength to go and keep on fighting. For the love and happiness I find in my daughter’s laughter, for my mother, who has never left my side, even when given reason too, and to Melissa for stealing my heart and teaching me how to love again, my friends, Missy, Suzanne, Sandy, Y’all bring so many smiles to me, my sister and her house full of kids and the endless humorous stories you send. Thank you all for your love and support, for all your kindness.

It is 5:10 p.m. and Sgt. L just brought N a case for today’s little use-of-force, but brought me none! Oh well, just proves a point! They have no rules or regulations to follow. Two prisoners do the same thing on the same day and 1 gets a case and 1 does not! “TDCJ Logic” ? Oxymoron.

Keeping the Spirit Free R. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

sclcookie

01-29-2005, 09:32 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright December 29, 2004 continued

“Dear Joan,

I want to say I know this is hard. You live the battle often worse than I by not knowing from minute to minute. Thank you for your strength and support and for the love I never had before you.

I Love You. Keith L.

Donald Keith N

Dec. 29 cont….

Lt. G told his officers NOT to shower me. He gave no reason what-so-ever according to CO S and SO W. Rogue Rank at Polunsky Unit Death Row is out of control Lt. G also refused to feed me at breakfast time. Punishing me for what? I broke no rules! I have a security box on my bean-slot. At no time are both doors to be opened, so where is the threat?
Here is procedure:
1) Open top of security box and place tray inside.
2) Close and lock top of security box.
3) Once top is secured open side slot for prisoner to get his food tray out.
4) Once done, secure and lock side slot!!
Yet Sgt. S refused to feed me saying “Sit on you bunk inmate!” Like I’m a freaking dog!! Sit Boy, Sit! That is ONLY Policy for cells without security boxes, than again what is a Rogue Sgt.? Capt’s, Lt’s, Sgt’s, no rules for them. Sgt. S already lost his Sgt. S once on another unit. So they bring him to Death Row as a CO IV for a couple of weeks and give his rank back. I will try my best to find out why he lost his stripes in the first place.

No shower! No food!! Man this sucks and I’m starving. Now when they refuse to feed me, Mr. N (who does not have a security box) stuck his hand out of the food-slot to prevent Sgt. S from closing it.

Now Policy states that when a prisoner has a slot “jacked” No more slots should be open and that prisoner shall be watched at all times ‘til said slot is secured. Of coarse Sgt. S just left, N, the slot, served the rest of 2 Row and than came downstairs and fed the rest of 1 Row!! Captain W has let all rank and officers under him out of control. No structure! How are we supposed to know where we stand? One day this is a rule, the next day it is something different. Chaos reins the Death Row ranks and officers all at Capt. W will. Why is Major N allowing this? I don’t know. Call her and find out!!! Please call.

Back to N and the jacked slot! N gave it back one Lt. G finally came on the pod. Still N should have gotten a major disciplinary case and 7 days food-loaf. (I’m glad he did not!!) The reason he did not is because that would mean paperwork for Lt. G shift and with paperwork, questions are asked! Why did Newbury jack the slot? Why did you not feed or shower Cartwright?

This all started when Capt. W came to take over Death Row!!! One person starts an avalanche of trouble. I have “The Death Penalty”. I really do not with so spend what little time I have left fighting these people, nor will I stand-down while they steadily screw me over. I can only speak for myself. I know many feel the same way I do, but we are all made differently and handle things differently!

Well, thanks again for “listening”. I better close her for now before Suzanne starts getting mad at me! Thanks again Suzanne and James for all your help and support. You are 2 very special people.

Until Next Time, R. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

sclcookie

01-31-2005, 02:56 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright December 31, 2004 to
January 1, 2005

Dec. 31

6:20 a.m.-
Once again my mail has not been picked up and processed this morning! It is
still sitting in my door where I left it. I’ve been trying to mail the same
four letters out since Monday the 27th!! Melissa, Mom, Suzanne and Paula,
please forgive the delay. It is by no means intentional!

Well, let’s see if I can find out what’s up. I hollered over the run just
now and Ivan C and Mr. N said they both had mail going out on the
31st that was not picked up. This is Bull----!! They push and push! They
want a reaction? I will give them one.

7:30 a.m.-
Shower time Cartwright. Officer W and Officer P tell me to
strip-out, do the dance, lift testicles, raise arms, run fingers through
hair, turn around spread you butt-cheeks, lift your feet, show the
bottoms….put you boxer shorts on, squat down, put your hands out behind you
to be handcuffed. The bean-slot on our steel-door is approx 2 ½‘ from the
floor so as I do this the officer (don’t know which one, my back is turned)
puts the handcuff on one hand and starts to put the other one on. I jump
forward pulling the cuffs, the dog leash and the officer with me. I end up
with the handcuffs and dog leash. This is called “Jacking the Cuffs”. Sgt.
T is called and I explain what’s up! He is not in charge of mail….so
I say right on, suit it up! We all know shit rolls down hill. So I cause
them enough grief. They will get on the mailroom too!

1 hour later here comes Rogue Captain W, Lt. R, Sgt. T
and Five Man Extraction Team (i.e. 5 men in body armor, helmet, gas masks
and a shield). 1 man is Officer M (approx. 240 lbs.), 2nd man Big “C”
(approx. 300 lbs.), 3rd man Officer S (about 200 lbs.), 4th man Officer
S (another one, 240 lbs.) and 5th man Officer D (190 lbs.). They
come stomping in here like Li’l Troopers, very intimidating (sarcasm people,
sarcasm). Sgt. T gives me 2 orders to relinquish the hand restraints,
strip-out or chemical agents will be utilized! I fail to comply so they
blast my cell with pepper spray and tear gas!

S***!! I live in a cement box, the ventilation is shut off during a
use-of-force. My eyes water, breathing through a…..wet sock. Convict’s gas
mask. It doesn’t matter. Adrenaline is kicking in and I know this was going
down this way.

They spray, wait 5 minutes, then give me 2 more orders and spray again! As
soon as they spray the second shot the door rolls open, D***!! CAUGHT ME
SIDEWAYS AND FLATFOOTED. They usually wait 5 more minutes, 2 more orders and
than fun in. They got down this time!

The team gets in a few shots (That is the name of the game.), handcuff and
shackle me, pull me out the cell. M, 1st man, got my left arm. Who knows
who got what else. Now mind you, my hands are cuffed behind my back, my legs
are shackled and the weak bastards slam me to the floor AGAIN!! RIGHT ON!!!
I start yelling and cussing telling what they all have blah…blah…blah…I’m
burning, I’m sore, I’m pissed.

Nurse comes, asks how I feel! I say I feel like a teenager! They take 4
photos and put me back in my cell, lay me flat on the ground, take off the
leg shackles and than start to remove the handcuffs, telling me not to move!
You got to be kidding me! One cuff comes off, I’m on my way up and swinging.
Of course they slam me right back down and place all the restraints back on
me. Another nurse, more photos. 2 use-of-forces in 10 minutes.

Now here is the issue. I told them put me in my cell, take the shackles off,
get out and I gave them my word. I’d go to the bean-slot and give up the
cuffs, but I will not lay on the floor and be punked-out. Now Sgt. T
asked Lt. R if that was cool. R and T both know I may get out
there but my word is GOLDEN. I refuse to break it. Of course Rogue Capt.
W said “No”. So once again I’m on the floor. These fools take off
my shackles and I start kicking and thrashing and bending. I yell out “You
are gonna have to break something. F-you” and just going as hard as I can on
the floor, hand-cuffed and 5 men on top of me.

Finally Rogue Capt. W agrees to let me have my way on my word. I do
what I say. The use-of-force is terminated. Now let’s see if my mail goes
out Monday. If not, we will Rock’N’Roll some more.

Jan 1, 2005

Happy new year! YEAH RIGHT!! If you have a release date or parole, it is one
more calendar behind you. One more calendar closer to the Free World.

On Death Row, It is one more calendar closer to death. One more year for me
to watch my beautiful daughter grow up in photos. She’ll be 8 years old on
Jan. 17th. One more year to see the pain, worry and hurt in my mother’s eyes
or hear them in her written words. One more year I’ve watched the State of
Texas Kill 26 more men in the name of “BLOOD-JUSTICE”.

8 years I’ve been doing this and the effects are overwhelming. Numbness is
the best way to describe it. We live in death, facing her everyday as those
around us get executed.

Then there are those who can’t handle our private and personal hell. Those
they are finding hanging in their cells. Cutting their wrists, swallowing
handfuls of pills to bring the pain and torture to an end.

Then there are one who find freedom in their insanity! Playing in their own
bodily wastes. Yelling at their inner demons for release.

Happy New Year INDEED!!!

I know a lot of you people say “who care?! Bunch of murderers crying about
fair-play!” My penalty is Death. I accept this. At this point I embrace it.
Just leave me alone until my time comes.

2005 is the year they will kill me, unless some kind of miracle takes place.
I do not wish to be on Level III, very limited visits and an empty cell,
mattress, sheet, legal work and writing supplies. But I will not be treated
like some kind of piece of dirt to stay on Level I!! I have to be able to
look at myself in the mirror everyday and live with who I am and what I’ve
done.

Well I now have about 14 pages going to James and Suzanne, who both work and
have enough kids to start an army! HA! HA! HA! Thanks a lot guys. I mean
that. Hey James. You should thank me. Without all this writing, you and
“Suzie Q” will just be making more babies!! HA! HA! HA! Damn Right I’m
Jealous.

In Struggle and Solidarity
I remain
R. Cartwright
AKA
Chi-Town
999224
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

sclcookie

02-04-2005, 08:57 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright January 1, 2005
Continued

Jan 1

4:45 p.m.- We just had another incident due to lack of professional behavior
by the 2 COs working. Officer ****and Officer ****. They are running
showers and just decided to go from my cell, 73 cell, to 75 cell, skipping
over RH, in 74 cell. Why? I guess because they can, or
they don’t like him, or for fun. I do not know.

R beats on his door asking, well screaming about a shower. The officers
laugh at him. To them this is entertainment, breaking the boredom of their
day.

R wants to speak to some rank (i.e. Sgt., Lt, Capt., whatever). Of
course said officers aren’t trying to hear it and just move on, refusing to
call rank.

R then starts a huge fire!!!! Smoke and flames everywhere. Fire alarm
ringing. Oh yeah, he is gonna get some rank now. Now Officer **** and
**** come to put out the fire with the fire extinguisher. But one that is
done, they start to shoot the fire ext. into R’s cell just for more
laughs. The fire was on the run outside his cell. Ruining personal property,
books, photos….R starts chunking p***-water on them. Oh they just
stopped laughing now. Amazing!!

Sgt. ***** comes down and asks what the F#@! is going on. R tries to
explain in his broken English that the officers are trying to jack him for
his shower. Sgt. ***** asks his officers about this and they say “we did
not V.R. (verbally refuse) his shower, we just missed him in the
line-up…blah…blah.” So all is said and done. We will shower. NOT QUITE!

Now Sgt. ***** tell H he has to let the Sgt. Search his cell
because once you throw on an officer you get put on 30 Day Container
Restriction (i.e. no cups, shampoo bottles, milk cartons). So Officer *****
and **** moves to the wall while handcuffed behind his back
while Sgt. ****** searches his cage.

Now as they escort H by my cell Officer **** jerks H’s
right arm. So H jerks his arm back and says “What’s your problem? Me
got no p---- you b----.” ***** says “Do that again and you will eat
concrete”.

Very tough indeed. Mr. H is 5’3” tall and is handcuffed wearing a
pair of shower slides (flip-flops). Harper is a good 6’2”-6’3” and 250 lbs.
What is he trying to prove? H won’t back down!

Sgt. ***** hears the commotion and comes out and brings H back to
his cage. His container-free-cage now.

About 40 minutes later Sgt. T comes back and tells H that
Warden J place him on 72 Hour Property Restriction. This means NOTHING
IN YOUR CELL. NOTHING. No mattress, sheets, clothes, NOTHING. I guess that
is the easiest way to prevent fires, eh?

The Officers sure aren’t going to be punished. Just H. If the
Officers were not messing with him, there would be no reason to start fires.
We pay no matter what. So the 2 Officers are standing behind Sgt. T just grinning and smiling like the cat who ate the canary.

Hernandez refuses to come out so now T has to go get a Five Man Team
to get him out. Mr. H does not plan on making the team run-in-on
him, but wants to aggravate the rank and officers a little bit. They have to
go suit up in their gas-infested body armor, helmets, masks. That is 5
officers, than usually one female officer running the camera. About 2-3
bystanders watching the show and Lt. ****. All with better things to do I’m
sure.

H comes out and they take all his property.

Really it does not matter. If H needs ranks, one of us down here
will start a fire for him. This is F-Pod. This is the one Pod on Death-Row
where a convict can count on Unity of Convicts around him. We care not for
commissary and will not sell-each-other-out for a radio.

Ok, another day in paradise. I hope we have a quiet day tomorrow. Thanks for
listening. If you give a damn, call up Warden J, Major N, or go
above their heads and complain about the unfair treatment.

In Struggle and Solidarity
I Remain
R. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

On a good note:

Saturday, Jan. 1

10:15 p.m.
WELL OLE LIZERD HAD A VISIT WITH HIS WIFE! He came back looking like a
love-struck-puppy!! HA! HA! HA! On level III we are only allowed one 2 hour
visit a month. That is the hardest sacrifice. I just wanted to say “Thank
You” to Joan (Lizerd’s wife) for standing by him and making sure he knows he
is loved! Joan, if you could have seen the smile on his face as he came
through the gate of F-Pod-F-Section. There could be no doubt that man is
head over heels in love with you. Love conquers all.

God Bless and Good Night.

abelle

02-05-2005, 04:39 AM

Thanks for sharing this, it makes me sick!
Respectfully,
A.

sclcookie

02-05-2005, 08:00 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright January 09, 2005

Sunday the 9th

Well, we’ve come to a close on another week here in our own personal,
torturous hell. I sit here and watch as tempers flare, violence erupts, and
feel the pressure building. I see that assaults on officers are becoming a
rising answer to many who are at the end of their ropes. H**, it beats the
hell out of suicide, eh?

Suicide is also on the rise one again, not to mention the poor lost souls
being shipped out to the infamous Jester 4 Unit (TDCJ’s cruel idea of a
psychiatric ward). As soon as you get there, they strip you naked and put
you in 4 point restraints on a bed! That’ll cure what ails you, eh??

I personally (R.M. Cartwright, 999224) have been doing my best to avoid
conflict, but things keep pissing me off. I’ll get to that later on.

I had a wonderful surprise visit on Monday, the 3rd of this month. I did not
even expect it or know I could have it. All the restrictions they presently
have on me. It was a wonderful visit with a woman who stole my heart. She
traveled from out of state, knowing she’d only receive a 2 hour visit,
instead of an 8 hour special visit.

Melissa, think you my love, thank you for loving me and thank you for
caring. Your love makes such a tremendous difference in my life.

I was, or at least felt completely free for those 2 hours I spent with her.
Love on Death Row!! Who’d of thought it??

Now as the visit ends and I head back to my cage on F-Pod the first thing I
notice as I walk through the entrance is the overpowering smell of pepper
and tear gas! D***, back to reality I come! I don’t ask anyone anything. I
go to my cell, turn off my light and envelope myself in darkness and replay
every minute of the visit I just had. Trying once again to escape this
messed up reality I live in.

Later I find out Mr. N (Lizerd), you should remember him, was the one
who got run in on, and then I find out part of the reason was me, or for
sticking up for me! Damn, I feel like a heel!! Still I hold my patience and
self control and thank him for getting down.

Mr. N wrote an account of what went down and I will include it in with
this opening for all to read, in his words, what happened.

It seems the officers have decided to up the ante on their abusive behavior!
Why not?? They have Rogue Capt. W to back up their every dirty
move. I mean if 5 men in complete body armor come into your cell after they
have sprayed enough gas and other chemicals to incapacitate your breathing
and sight, need to punch and kick you so subdue you, well something is
wrong.

The following is Mr. N account as stated per Rich about what
happened:

“On Monday, 01/03/2005, once again fed up with the deplorable conditions
here, including the often inedible food, sleep and sensory deprivation and
now, food deprivation, as myself, Donald N, and Richard
Cartwright, 999224, were denied trays.

First I jacked the bean slot so they couldn’t close it, then I jacked the
cuffs at shower time. The officer involved, Christopher L CO II, told
Cartwright ‘You don’t want to do that when I’m on the team. I’ll crush your
bones!’ This guy is big and muscular, 6’1” or 6’2”, about 280 lbs. I told
him to not take it personal, to just do his job as I was doing mine. Lt.
Richie came to talk to me and told him I was all through talking. It was
time for some action.

They suited up a 5 man extraction team (AKA ‘Goon Squad’) and came to
‘run-in’ on me. They gassed me twice with the strongest (10%) pepper spray
they had.

As I was choking on this, they then sprayed my cell with another gas called
C/S or ‘Mace’. This ‘mixing’ of chemicals constitutes an excessive use of
force, is strictly prohibited by UOF Policy, State and Federal Regulations
and Laws as well as the MSDS sheets on use of these chemicals.

They were really eager to hurt me bad when they came in the door 60 seconds
after spraying C/S on me, immediately started throwing blows with their
fists instead of merely trying to subdue me in accordance with UOF Policy.

Since I had now no choice but to defend myself I managed to rip the crash
helmet off of Loop and got his gas mask, then pinned him to the bunk belly
down and pounded him in the back of his head just like the other 4 of them
were at my back beating me in the head, lungs and kidneys.

Finally they got me down on the floor where they cinched leg irons on me so
tight it cut into my Achilles tendons to where I could not even stand or
barely walk after being removed from the cell.

In the meantime they rubbed my face all in the gas on the cell floor, busted
open my head in 2 placed by ramming it into the concrete repeatedly after I
was cuffed, shackled and totally subdued.

Then they began punching me in the head and kidney a few more times, for
added measure. Because they opened a 1/2“ gash above my eye I was taken to
medical and brought back on a stretcher.

They dumped me into the empty cell (#82) next to mine (#81) and told me I
couldn’t go back to my cell until it was decontaminated. In #82 cell the
toilet leaks and there was sewage all over the floor so I demanded to be
taken back to my own cell and told them I would decontaminate it myself!

In the meantime they refused to allow me to shower and decontaminate myself
so the gas stayed and kept eating on me, drawing water blisters on my skin
all over my body.

Finally they got the SSI’s (Prisoner Porters) to clean up my cell and moved
me back into it at close to 6:00 p.m. This Use of Force (UOF) occurred at
about 12:15 p.m. after lunch, but I was written major disciplinary case
#2005016731 alleging that I ‘assaulted’ CO II L on 01/03/2005 at 1:40
p.m. ‘using the open end of a hand restraint (hand cuffs) by swinging and
striking the officer repeatedly during a Use of Force.’ The assault resulted
in injury (to L) which required treatment of first aid’.

I’m at a loss to understand how/why they charge me with assault when they
are the ones who were the aggressors. They came into my cell assaulting me!
Because I jacked their cuffs they had a reason to ‘run-in’ on me and subdue
me, but not beat me senseless for no reason! I wasn’t resisting until and
after they started beating me!

The purported objective of UOF is to pin the prisoner using a capture shield
and to subdue him without injury. Five of them on one little ol’ me standing
there in my shorts yet I assaulted them?!?! This sort of thing is typical of
Warden James J, who graded this case.

I was left in #82 Cell over 6 hours covered in pepper spray and C/S mace
gas. It took me an additional 2 days to get a mattress to sleep on after I
was finally moved back to #81 Cell. My mattress was confiscated because it
was so contaminated with pepper and C/S mace gases.

These are the conditions which drive people to insanity, suicide or death by
dropping their appeals as did James P (Executed on 01/04/2005).
R.I.P. BRO! This one was for your!).

We’ve had five attempted suicide in the last 2 ½ months, 2 of which were
ultimately successful and 2 others very nearly so. When you consider that
this is a relatively tiny population (445 Prisoners) perhaps you can
understand how onerous and oppressive these conditions are.

Weekly cell moves for harassment, starvation, Level III punitive placement
with no disciplinary case and no due process at all. Currently Hank S, is on Level III and food loaf for merely requesting a copy of a
grievance he’d filed on Captain David W for retaliating against him
earlier last year. Every time Hank writes a grievance for one of us or
himself the Captain siccs his goons on hank to take his property and tear up
his cell. Currently they’ve go half his legal property and religious
material, refusing to return it and four parcels of his outgoing legal mail
addressed to Attorneys which they refuse to return or mail out.

Hank is one of those guys who believes in following the policy and using the
grievance procedure but since they’re now openly retaliating against him for
using the grievance procedure and formal channels of redress, I wonder how
much more abuse he’ll take before he takes the route I did……

I’m no angel, but I must defend myself and do whatever it takes to make them
leave me alone and quit harassing me with their ‘frequent cell move’,
destructive cell searches, 24 hour per day isolation, denial of food, etc. I
was sentenced to death by lethal injection, not years of physical and mental
torture.

Donald K. N

My aggravation builds. I’m pissed, it is now personal. They make it so!!!

These officers have no rules. They cuss, they get mad at you, refuse to feed
you… They rattle the cage, but never think about facing the lion inside.
Well, that changed for Officers Brenda T and Officer Rachel B on
January 5th, 2005!

I personally do not like or much agree with violence towards women, but
truth be told, around here the female officers start 80% of the bull-shit
with their mouths and actions. It is like they get off on trying to
humiliate and insult us. Prison is a world unto itself. In here if someone
calls you a b---- or a punk…it’s time to fight. Prison is not a friendly
place and we all know the rules, even the officer. So when you step up to
another, expect to pay the price.

I know I probably sound like some macho block-head, but I did not make up
the rules that rain my insane world. Prison has its own rules, and like I
said, we all know what they are and if you cannot understand that you should
be very thankful. Nobody should have to live like this and very few enjoy
it, but it is what it is and has been since the beginning and will be in the
end.

Note from Suzanne Cookston: Before reading any further, I have to put in my
own statement in defense to Rich’s statement. I’ve never been to prison and
I know what he’s saying is true. Woman or not, I hope I would never be
stupid enough to call any inmate a punk or bitch. Anyone with any common
sense knows that.

You adapt, or become pray, it is that simple.

Anyway, Robert C (AKA CHILI RED) was the lion who’s cage door
came open! Accident? I prefer KARMA instead. You reap what you sow. What
comes around goes around.

The following is Mr. C account of what happened to him:

“On January 2, 2005, I called Officer Brenda T to my cell to ask her
could the porter wipe the outside of my cell door. But instead she stated
‘What the f--- you want?’ So I asked ‘Who you talking too?’ She said ‘I’m
talking to you b---’. So I said ‘nah, you ain’t’. So they left.

The next day, Monday, January 2, 2005, I’m standing at my door talking to my
neighbor, Officer T came halfway up the stairs and asked me ‘what the
f--- you looking at b----?’ So I cursed her back. As she was leaving she
gave me a ‘f--- you’ sign!

The next day we went through the same thing, she calling me b***** and
hoes!

The next day, Wednesday, January 5, 2005, I was in the dayroom, Officer
T and Officer B came on our section to escort some people to
court. As Officer T was staring at me, so I asked her do she have a
problem. She said ‘yeah’ me. So I told her to come solve it then!

So they take one guy to court. At that time Officer G and Officer
S rack me up in my cell and told me get ready for shower. So Officer
T and Officer B bring the other guy back.

Now they are coming up the stairs to get my neighbor, Tony D, to go to
court. Officer T is standing in front of my cell looking at me. I said
‘What the f--- you looking at?’ She said ‘You, b----’. So we argued ‘til
they were gone out the door.

Then they, Officer T and Officer B, brought my neighbor back.
She’s looking at me again, instead of paying attention to the Officer
B/M in the picket to tell her what door to roll. But she didn’t
and Officer B/M rolled my cell door. I stepped out and said
‘What’s that s--t you was talking’. And she said ‘I wish you would’. So I
hit her, and we starting fighting Officer B sprayed me with her gas.
But it was knocked to the floor by Officer T, who was kicking at me.
Officer B picked it up again and tried to spray, but I knocked it out
of her hand.

Then Officer B picked up the food slot bar which is steel all the way
through, which it weighs about 7 to 8 pounds. And 18 inches to 2 feet long
and hit me across my back 3 times. The 4th time, I hit her and knocked the
bar away on the floor. I turned back around and started fighting with
Officer Traylor some more.

About 30 seconds later Officer G and another Officer came running up
the staris. I got up and went back to my cell and closed the door. They came
back about 15 minutes later suited up and stuff and ordered me out of my
cell, which I came out.

They took me into the hallway and took pictures of me, which I have a bruise
on my right rib cage and marks across my back. They then escorted me to
F-Pod Level III. I’ve been here 3 days now and I don’t have nothing. No
toothpaste, deodorant, soap, nothing to write with.

They put me on food loaf and I’m not supposed to be. The only way you get on
food loaf is if you disrupt the feeding procedures or jack the food slot. I
didn’t do neither on of them, but they still got me on food loaf.

I asked about my recreation. They told me that Captain Wickersham called
down to F-Pod 3 times and told Officer W and Officer M that I was on
cell restriction. Now how am I on cell restriction and I haven’t went to
court yet?

They got me in this cell that is broke. The water don’t cut off. Every time
I ask to speak with some rank, don’t none come down!! I know that I was
wrong for hitting a female, but she was wrong for calling me b--ches and
hoes ‘cause I never called her.

I asked the Sgt. about my property of what I’m supposed to have while on
Level III. He told me I was on property restriction! And that I can’t have
nothing, no soap, toothpaste, deodorant, legal work, writing material!

I don’t have nothing to go shower with and they know this and they refuse my
shower. I haven’t brushed my teeth in 4 days. I don’t have a toothbrush or
toothpaste. I don’t even have a jumpsuit to wear. It’s freezing cold and all
I got is a mattress and a sheet and one boxer shorts!

After I left E-Pod to come to F-Pod, Lt. R went back to my old cell and
started tearing up my property. He through away my socks that I bought from
commissary. He through my commissary cup out and then stepped on it and
broke it. He through my commissary shorts out. He through my tennis shoes
away. He was supposed to pack my stuff up, not through it away.

Robert J. C

Of course the powers-to-be, Capt. W and Major N did not like
this at all and went above and beyond the stated rules to punish Mr.
C. Really, they have nobody to blame but themselves. They let their
officers walk around and do and say what they want. Let me give you a very
personal example:
On Saturday, the 6th, I was “fishing” (we make links by braiding string
together and slide it under our doors and down the run. The next fella
throws his line out to catch yours and that is how we pass things) with
Hernandez down the way for a pen because mine ran out of ink. Now officer
Stain (6’3” about 280 lbs.) sees this, comes in the section and snags my
line and breaks it!!
True we are not supposed to have lines, but what the f---! I’m on death row.
I’m on level III status, can’t get no lower. I’m locked in my cell 24 hours
a day, with only one hour of recreation a week. I need to fish to get by.
Anyway, I say “What are you doing M***** F---er??” He said “Who you calling
a M.Fer??” I said “you b****.” He walks over to my steel door, with its
totally secure splash shield…and says “You should not be fishing.” So I just
laugh and tell him what a b---- he is. He makes some comment about me being
a tough guy or some shit. I tell him “I ain’t tough, but roll this door and
we can box”. He says “No Cartwright, I don’t have to worry about you, that
needle will take care of you!!” (TALKING ABOUT THE OLE LETHAL INJECTION).
Now I know I said the first insult, no doubt, I won’t sugar coat my actions.
I gotta mouth on me. I’m no angel, but that last comment was way out of
line.

I look at the picture of my family, my mom, my daughter, my heart stealing
Melissa and know when they do kill me, it will hurt the ones I love most. It
won’t hurt me. I’ll be done with this h***-hole, so that professional
officer throwing that is my face broke the resolve I’ve been hanging on to.
I no longer respect or obey their rules!! I’m at the end of my ropes and I’m
sure not trying to kill myself or head to Jester 4, but I need to unload my
frustrations, my aggravation. Let me move on.

We have another addition to our Level III, F-Pod crew. His name is William
B. His version of his little adventure will also be
enclosed with N and C. Seems they found a ½ a joint in his
cell. He just moved into that cell and said it most have been in there
already! Who know, but once again proper policy and procedures were being
followed, the officers would know for sure.

Before moving a prisoner into a cell, they are suppose to clean, sanitize
and shake down (look around for weapons, drugs and contraband), but they
NEVER do this. I guess it is too much work.

Even if they caught Mr. B and then proven of smoking a joint, it is
still not a level III offense, but a level II! Level III according to TDCJ
Policy is for assault behavior, weapons or a repeated offender of the same
offense. You can’t tell that to Rogue Capt. W, though. He does what
he wants to do; why shouldn’t we? I mean at any give time an officer can
write you up a bogus case and you lose your level!

The following is Mr. B account of what occurred:

“I just got moved from D-41 to B-81 on January 7, 2005. I was moved real
late so by the time I got to my new cell it was about 10:30 – 10:45 p.m.

I cleaned off my bunk because it had chill or potted meat all over it and
squeeze cheese all over the desk. By the time I got all this cleaned up, it
was 12:45 at night, so I said screw it, I’ll do the rest tomorrow.

I woke up about 11:00 a.m. I usually wake up early, but I went to bed late.
I cleaned out the storage container and mopped the floor, then took a break.
There had been at least 10,000 years of dust under the bunk. I don’t think
the person before me even swept or cleaned under the bunk.

Now I shouldn’t have to be doing this because it’s TDCJ policy to clean,
search and sanitize, and make sure everything works in a cell before they
move an ‘offender’ into a new cell. I started to draw and said I’ll clean
the sink and under the bunk later.

I have 3 bags, 1 personal (which is ½ a bag), 1 legal and 1, I put my
clothing in. I had 1 bag unpacked when 2nd shift started doing shakedowns.
They pulled out my neighbor and did a little 2 second shakedown.

Then they came to my door and this guard starts taking her sweet time. She
closed my door, not all the way but closed it so I couldn’t see in.

Then all of the sudden, she says put him in the shower. I’m going to go
through his cell thoroughly.

So I said ‘H*** no’ and asked for rank. I refused to give the cuffs back and
stepped through the cuffs. Rank came and I complained about harassment and
discrimination because she pulls one person out for exactly 1.23 seconds (I
time all shakedowns in my section with a stop watch from the moment I hear
or see the door open, until I see or hear the door close.). She wants to
take a quick scan of one dudes stuff, but go through mine with a fine tooth
comb.

The thing that struck me as odd was she did not close my neighbor’s door.
She was bent down at my storage box and kept looking back at me. I was
turned sideways because I was talking to my neighbor. Then all of a sudden
she gets up and closes my door. No guard has ever done that before.

Then she walked toward the desk area where I couldn’t see and comes running
out talking about ‘put him in the shower. I’m going to go thoroughly through
your stuff’.

When rank got there I politely explained my situation. He walked to my cell
(I was still in the shower.), came back like 10 minutes later holding a
folded up piece of toile paper, my bottle of glue and my sewing needle and
asked ‘is there something you want to tell me about?’ I said ‘What, my glue
and sewing needle? You found it, so….’ He said ‘Anything else?’ H said ‘No,
no, no, is there anything else you want to tell me about?’ I said ‘No’. He
said ‘What about this?’ and held up a piece of bunched up toilet paper. I
asked ‘what is it?’ He said ‘You tell me.’ I said ‘I got no clue’. He looked
at me, paused and said ‘It’s marijuana’. I said ‘Oh, h***, no, that s***
ain’t mine’. He said ‘It was in your cell’. I said ‘b*******. That ain’t
mine. I just got hear yesterday and ain’t even had time to unpack. Plus I
don’t fuck with that shit because I know you do random drug tests. Give me a
drug test’. He said ‘You’d really be willing to submit a drug test?’ I said
‘Give me the cup. I’ll piss in that m***** f***** right now!”

He looked at me for a second and said ‘you said you just got here yesterday.
Was your cell clean?’ I said ‘H***, now. There was chili or something all
over the bunk’…and explained the rest.

He stood there for a second then said ‘Alright, this is what’s going to
happen. We’re going to take you to level III, because a guard claims this
was found in your cell. We’ll give you a drug test; if it’s positive, you’ll
stay level III; if not, you’ll get moved back to level I.’ And here I am.

Yesterday, he told me it tested positive, that it was marijuana and asked me
my statement. I told him that it wasn’t mine. I will take a drug test to
prove I didn’t smoke it because the ‘roach’ Sgt. R showed me was a
partially smoked, not full, joint.

William B

Can you imagine living like that? Bad enough we are waiting to be murdered,
but we try to be good. We try for our families who want to come visit us,
but when you do not know what the rules are anymore, you never know, you
just don’t ever know.

Hell, up until about 3 weeks ago, I hadn’t had a case in over 2 years!!! I
was waiting on special visits from out of state for January, February and
March, but all that is now gone over some B.S. case. My daughter, who will
be 8 years old on the 17th of January, was suppose to be brought to see me
by my mother, who lives in Chicago. Awful expensive trip for a 2 hour visit,
so I get no visit with my Angel Ricki. That hurts, that is painful.

But hurt and sorrow don’t work in TDCJ! Rage, hat and anger, those get you
action. Those get us attention in here. So I just turn my pain and sadness
into anger and rage trying to hold onto my sanity. Now I must try and
release it…damn it, I hate the way I feel right now. I hate the hurt and
pain I’ve one again caused my mother and my daughter. My daughter will only
turn 8 years old one time…and now I will miss seeing her on her special day.
They can’t give me that back. All they do is take and keep taking.

Well, I will end this one here. I’m getting more aggravated the more I
write. They call me an unrehabilitatable, heathen killer, but I do have a
heart and it feels love, along with pain…they just don’t know.

I will close with a live from Baudelaire: “I have felt the wind of the wing
of madness.”

In struggle and solidarity,
I remain
R. Cartwright
Chi-Town
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

sclcookie

02-06-2005, 05:21 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright January 15, 2005
Well another week in paradise has gone by. Well, it has been 11 days, a
whole complete 11 days without a state-sanctioned-murder! Wow!! Is that a
record? Seems like it should be.

The last (execution) murder was James Porter, 999378 (Bones) on 01/04/2005.
I guess we officially should call his death an assisted suicide for James
chose to drop his appeals rather than live in a cage. I do not agree with
James’ choice, but I do respect it and even understand why! Hell, why not?
We live in a cage and get treated worse than animals. We eat sub-poor food.

Our prayers go out to James’ friends, family and loved ones. At least he is
finally at peace.

Three more murders are set to take place this month. Jose’ Briseno, 999043,
Troy Kunkle, 000784, George Jones, 999147, please keep them and their
families in your prayers. Jose’s date is for the 20th, Troy’s the 25th and
Jones’ the 27th.

I do not want to lessen the impact of Mr. Briseno’s and Jones’ dates by
focusing more on Mr. Kunkle, but I’ve known Troy for almost the entire 8
years I’ve been on the row. Troy was born on 5/27, 1966 and ended up on
death row on March 2, 1985; he was 19 years old. When he was arrested, he
was 18 years old and had no prior criminal record. At this time, 2005, Troy
has spent 20 years on the row. He has spent more than half his life on the
row in a cage. Troy is not the 18 year old kid they brought to this death
house. He has grown up; he is a different person, for one, he is now a full
grown man….older than his years for the life he has lived for sure. They say
the death penalty is designed for the worst of the worst. Troy is by far not
that!!! 20 years does change a person, any person.

For instance the Green River Killer, this man killed at least 50 women and
brutally raped them, he has a life sentence! How is one to make sense of
this?

It is wrong to kill, no doubt, but how do you fix it by killing?? That is an
oxy-moron, eh? It is wrong to kill and we are going to kill you to show you
and the world it is wrong. There is absolutely no logic in this way of
thinking.

Troy, I don’t even know if you will read this before they kill you, but I
want you to know that I’m gonna miss you, Bro!! You will live on in the
hears and memories of those who’s lives you have touched, which is many.
We’ve had our ups and down, but I’ve always considered you my friend, and
I’ve bee praying for you, your family, your wife, Christi, along with all
the men on “death watch”. Man, Try, we had some good times together, eh?
Remember all those “cement wrestling matches” we used to have? Ha!Ha!Ha! The
“Finger Take Down” in the commissary line?? Hey, Troy, I’m gonna miss you
Bro. Keep your head up and Ride the Lighting into you next life. Love and
Respect, Your Bro, Chi-Town.

Just like that people, I’ve had to say goodbye a hundred times and more in
the course of my 8+ years on the row. It does not get any easier either.

Let me go back earlier in the week and talk about some of the thumb-screw
tactics of our fin administration here on the row.

Monday, the 10th, seemed to be the days of days. It started with D
N (Lizerd; his spelling, not mine) as he refused to give his
lunch tray back. This is a major security threat because the food trays are
extremely heard plastic and on can break ‘em down and make shanks out of
them. Actually, you could make quite a few and pass them around to others.
Of course Lizerd has no intentions of doing this, but they do not know that.
Lizerd is just trying to get his point across. He is sick and tired of being
moved once a week, sometimes twice a week.

See Lizerd is one of the infamous Texas 7 that escaped TDCJ a couple years
back and showed hoe truly incompetent this system is. They move him, or say
they move him as a security precaution, but it is just plain old harassment
or better yet, let’s call it revenge. Hell, if they are worried about him
digging a tunnel, shake his cell down, eh? Hell, that’s policy and correct
procedure calls for anyway. This place is stressful enough without the
administration adding more s--- to the game.

Now the powers-to-be that want to move him for “security reasons” once a
week just let him keep the tray. 2 different Sergeants and 1 Lieutenant came
to talk to him; they cannot see in his cell because he has his door and
window slots covered, trying to talk him into giving the tray back! Lizerd’s
only response is “You know what it is, suit-up!!!” The rank leaves and
Lizerd is up in his cell waiting for the team or “Goon Squad” which does not
shop up.

Approximately 4 hours later (Lizerd could have made 3 or 4 shanks and passed
them out) my neighbor W B went to shower and when he came back
to his cell, he jacked-the-cuffs, as they went to remove them.

Jack-the-cuffs…it means as you reach you hands through the door slot behind
your back, if you time it right, as the officer removes one cuff, you yank
your other arm in the cell as hard and fast as you can.

Well, Mr. B was successful and got the cuffs, one on his wrist and one
free swinging.

Now you might think Mr. B did this to just join in with Lizerd, but
that is not the case. B or AKA, GHOST, is a very mild mannered skinny
young guy. He weighs about 140 lbs and always says “yes sir” or “no sir”,
“thank you”….very well and proper in the manners department. For 4 days,
Ghost has politely asked all the guards and 2 different Sgt. to get him his
property. He has been in his cell 75 cell F-pod, F section without so much
as a TOOTHBRUSH!!! Why? I’ll tell you why. Because politeness gets you
nowhere in here.

I gave Ghost some toothpaste, but I’m not trying to share my toothbrush. I
got limits. Well,10 minutes later, Sgt. H and Lt. R are down
here talking to Ghost. Ghost says “Sir, I’ve been trying for 4 days to get
my property and I get no response.” “Sir, I will not give you the handcuffs
back until I get my property.” Sgt. H says “Well, you won’t get your
property this way and we will come in there and get the cuffs.” Ghost says
“Sorry to hear that you feel that way sir.”

I’m laughing my a-- off at this point. The Sgt. is totally p---ed. I guess
he is also not used to politeness.

Now for 4 days the officers and rank say “we are short-handed, we don’t have
the staff...to get your property”… Typical B.S. Remember this comment.

Anyway, now Lizerd is still upstairs with the tray and I tell Ghost “Hey,
dude, you’re a little to small to feud the team in that cell.” He says
“don’t worry Chi-Town, I’m not stupid. I will feud the team if I have to,
but I’m gonna try something else.”

Here comes the team and they are huge, the 5 men in body armor, helmets and
gas masks are well over 800 lbs. combined weight; easily if not closer to
1,000. The first 2 alone make up more than 500 lbs. (Y’all can get these
tapes to confirm all of this!!) Sgt. Hsays “Inmate B, I’m
giving you a direct order to relinquish the hand restraints and submit to a
strip search or chemical agents will be used.”

At this point, Ghost, ha!ha!ha! takes the free hand-cuff and locks it to the
screened window slot in the door! Now they can’t come in. They can’t open
the door. Now Sgt. Hsays “Inmate B, I’m giving you a direct
order to relinquish the hand-restraints and submit to a strip search or
chemical agents will be applied.”

Now I start screaming “How’s he gonna do that. He is handcuffed to the
door.”

Sgt. H puts on his gas mask, tells the camera “At this time, I’ve
given Inmate B 2 orders to relinquish the hand-restraints and he has
failed to comply. I will now use chemical agents.”

He does spray Ghost! I’m kicking the door screaming!!! “What the f---. He is
handcuffed to the door…he can’t relinquish…S---….” I’m irate. This is a
totally excessive use of force!!!

Now, Lt. R, Lt. G, Sgt. H, Capt. W, Major
N, a camera operator and a five man team are here along with 1 or other
observers. So we have about 13 officers! Now, why is it they cannot find any
available staff for 4 days to get Ghost his property, yet we have 13 people
standing in line to kick his a--, or watch him get his a-- kicked.

Now everybody is screaming how can he relinquish the hand restraints…. After
another 20 minutes of negotiating, Ghost agrees to let ‘em pop his door
open, it can only open about 1” with him cuffed to the door, and let Sgt.
H reach his arm in there and un-cuff him from the door. This is
done. Now they strip search Ghost, re-handcuff him and open his door and
take him to the picket area for medical examination and 4 polaroid pictures.

Anytime a UOF (Use of Force) is applied, they take 4 photos and a nurse
looks at you! Yeah, that will help a whole lot, eh?

After they are done, Ghost sits down on the run and refuses to walk. “Sir,
I’m sorry, but I want my property.” Anyway, they pick him up and carry him
to the cell.

Now to give credit, where credit is due, I actually heard one of the
officers on the good-squad, I don’t know which one, say “Hey, be careful,
man. This dude is small.” What shocked me, they seem to get gung-ho on me!!
I guess being 6’2”, 205 lob is a little different. Still I gained much
respect for Mr. B for standing up for himself.

Oh yeah, Mr. B did receive his requested property, later that night!!!
AMAZING, NO??? They also moved him off the Level III F-Pod-F-Section to
Level II E-Pod! Congrats Ghost on you level 2 status.

See the worse you act, the better they treat you.

Well, I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let me back track….remember ole
lonely Lizerd upstairs with the tray? Now let me mention something
here…Lizerd is no “spring chicken”. He is 42 years old, I’m sure he’d much
rather be sitting in his cell writing Joan and drawing dirty cards! Ha!Ha!

The camera lady, the 2 Lts., the team, and Capt. W, Sgt. H,
all head upstairs to deal with Lizerd. Capt. W at this time tried
to talk to Lizerd. Lizerd said “I tried to talk to you on Oct. 15, 2004 and
you disrespected me by saying ‘pt the punk in the cell’, remember? No more
talk, let’s rock!!”

Now Lizerd has his cell light covered, door blocked off, his cell is pitch
black. They open his bean-slot shinning a spot-light in there trying to see
where he is. Lizerd had a sheet up ½ across his cell, plus he was hiding
behind a homemade shield of newspapers and towels, so now they still have no
idea if he has a weapon or not (one again, he does not and never had). Sgt.
H gives Lizerd 2 direct orders to submit to a strip search and hand
restraints. Of course Lizerd says nothing. Sgt. H sprays this new
kind of gas, it’s white and called CS #587 and it is very costly, but very,
very aggressive, also. It actually seems to suck the air right out of your
cell. This is the 1st I’ve heard of them using it. It also causes your eyes
to close. Actually, they used the same stuff on Lizerd last time. My bad!!

The last time they sprayed him twice with the regular CS 10 and sprayed him
with the CS # 587 on the 3rd spray. He was ready for it this time. Though.
Old-School Lizerd knows how to adapt. He had plastic over his eyes and socks
over his mouth. It is not much, really it’s quite sad when you think about
it. You in a cement and steel box, no circulation with all these burning,
blinding and breath taking chemicals.

Anyway, back to Lizerd. After Sgt. H sprayted the 1st burst of gas
in the cell, it was apparently no enough for Lt. R so he says “oh no,
go ahead and load him up.” So they sprayed 3 more seconds in his cell…1, 1
thousand…1, 1 thousand…1, 1 thousand. They wait 10 minutes for the CS # 587
to take full effect and now Lt. R give 2 more orders “Inmate N,
I’m giving you a direct order to submit to a strip search and
hand-restraints or a second burst of chemical agents will be applied”.

Lizerd says nothing! Lt. R sprays Y seconds of this CS # 587 in
Lizerd’s cell, now that’s killer people. That CS # 587 ain’t not punk!!

Well, they wait another 5 minutes for the chemicals to have its killer
affect to weaken Lizerd as best it can before the good squad comes in. I
hear the cell door slam open. I hear banging, more banging, Capt W. yelling “get him down, get him down,” Lizerd is chunking the team. Point man
is thrown to the bunk.

Now remember Lizerd has a plastic eye cover, 4 socks and a jumpsuit, while
the 5 man team has gas masks, helmets and body armor. It is a no win
situation, you can’t win, why try??

Because when you reach that point, you either break or fight back. They push
you and push you and keep pushing you. They take and keep taking. You let
‘em break you or fight back. Hell, this is the only human physical contact
we are allowed. Think of it like this, if you ignore your kids, they will be
bad, because even negative attention is better than no attention.

I know I probably sound crazy, but we live in a total sensory deprivation
environment and the physiological effects are truly devastating. You can’t
understand the full impact without leaving it for a couple of years.

Just look up and see how many people have tried to kill themselves or gone
crazy here in the last few years! Damn, can I ramble on…back to Lizerd…

They finally are able to wrestle him to the floor and put on leg-shackles
and hand restraints. They carry him out of the cell and drop him on the run.
30 seconds later Lizerd is talking trash to the team and Capt. W
:). Venting his frustrations and why and how this all started, saying “I
just want to be left alone, stop harassing me with these ridiculous weekly
moves” (NOTE: Amongst all the body armor…the point man comes in with a huge
plexi-glass type shield, ouch!!!).

Now, the team picks Lizerd up by his jumpsuit and carries him down the stars
to put him 71 cell. Once again no sanitizing or cell search is done as TDCJ
policy and procedure requires.

After they put Lizerd in the cell they cut off all his clothes! Why? Just
because they can.

So now the team removes the leg restraints and leaves the empty cell. Lizerd
goes to the door and they remove his hand restraints. Now Lizerd is
butt-naked and in a totally empty cell with no soap to wash off the killer
gas.

Captain W, to his credit, then came to tell Lizerd that he wants to
talk to him either later today or fist chance in the morning. Also to Capt.
W credit, he kept his word and had 2 officers escort Lizerd to
his office at about noon the next day.

Now Capt. W had done his research on Mr. N and all his filed
grievances about all these moves and how the cells were never cleaned. He
actually won the grievance filed on not cleaning and inspecting the cells
before they move him in, yet they still do not. Lizerd was moved 56 times in
2003 and approx. that many times in 2004.

Of course the mailroom, commissary, legal library, book library….could never
keep up with his location. He’d miss store, receive mail late, no access to
books of legal works. The whole time, 3 years, Lizerd has been filing paper
work and following the system and nothing was ever done or even attempted to
be down in all that time.

Now after Lizerd has been feuding the good squad since Oct. of 2004, Captain
W and Lizerd have had a private talk and came to an agreement. If
Lizerd stops fighting the team, they would reduce his moves to one a month.

Now in accordance to TDCJ policy he is not supposed to be moved, but every
90 days, but he was willing to meet ½ way with Captain W.

I will close this bit about Lizerd with a quote from Lizerd:
“So, with all this said and done, I find it shamefully said and positively
sickening that the only way I was able to obtain my goal was by violence,
not by following proper procedures.”

Well, you’d think that was enough excitement for one day, right? Hell no!
I’m still totally p---ed by how they gassed Ghost, even though Sgt.
H gave him an IMPOSSIBLE order to comply to. Once again how does one
relinquish the hand-restraints when he is handcuffed to the door.

Now I was planning on jacking the dinner tray, but 1st shift fed us and
second shift picked up the trays, not 1st shift. So I gave them my tray.

After a few minutes of chasing around the thoughts in my head, I was still
pissed and decided to let them know about it. They came to show me at about
7:15 p.m. or so. The officer put on handcuff on my wrist and I jacked the
cuffs just like Ghost did earlier. The 2 guards tried to talk me out of the
cuffs. I said “it’s not personal, go suit it up.”

Finally, a relief team of rovers came to watch me (Once you have the
hand-cuffs, there must be an officer watching you the whole time). The pod
rovers got everyone out of the showers.

At around 8:45 p.m. Sgt. H came around to talk to me. Trying to
resolve the situation without a UOF!! It’s too late for that now. Sgt.
H leaves and comes back with a gas mask and some gas CS-10.

Now here comes the 5 man team stomping in. My adrenaline takes over. Again,
Sgt. H tries for about 20 minutes begging me to lay it down.

Finally at 9:20 p.m. they spray a long burst of CS-10 gas after I refuse to
give up the cuffs in my cell. Damn it, it’s been awhile and the gas hits me
hear, but I keep composure and I’m just happy they are not using the CS-57!!

Lizerd is down the run giving me a play-by-play on what’s going on because I
have no plastic over my eyes, because I don’t use it. Dumb-a-- that I am.
Eyes watery, breathing labored. I wait, pacing my cell like a cornered lion,
just not that tough!!

5 minutes ass and Sgt. H give me an order for the cuff. I refuse.
He sprays another long shot of CS-10 and closes my bean-slot. Once again,
the chemicals assault my eyes, skin and breathing.

About 10 minutes pass and no I‘m tripping, what’s going on?? Why are they
not coming in. S---, I’m on fire. Sgt. Honce again says “Inmate
Cartwright, relinquish the hand-restraints and submit to a strip search or
chemical agents will be applied.” I laugh! He sprays, but shortly there
after about 2 seconds the can is empty.

So at this point they have used an entire can of CS-10 on me...and I
wait…Another 10 minutes go by, s--- according to Lizerd it has been close to
30 minutes at this point. The gas is kicking my a--. I’m thinking I’ve
feuded the worst of the gas and as Murphy’s law would have it.

I hear Lizerd yell down the run “Hey Chi-Town, he just got a can of
CS-587!!” Just what I needed to hear, right.

The Sgt. gives me the orders to relinquish the cuffs….I laugh…They spray a 4
or 5 second burst of CS-587 in my cell, as they do it, my wet rag over my
mouth (my gas mask) tied on with a piece of sheet falls around my neck. Man,
CS-587 stole all my breath! I could not breath, just cough, choke and spit.
Now it’s a waiting game…I want to lay it down. I can’t breath. I’m 90%
blind, but my stubborn pride or “stupidity” pulls me along.

5 minutes later the team comes in. They came in hard and fast. Lizerd said
it sounded like thunder and he felt his cell wall vibrate. He is in 71 cell,
I’m in 76!!!

By that time they folded me up and restrained me, face smashed into a liquid
puddle of gas. I can’t breath or see.

Now I will quote Lizerd’s description of me since he has put it so
eloquently! Yeah, right!!! Lizerd’s words:
“Chi-Town looked like he was painted orange with CS-10 gas and than
dog-piled by the whole Chicago Bears Football Team. He was not able to walk
properly with the leg shackles put on to tight and no eye site. The gaurds
would walk him 3 feet to the left than to the right /\/\/\/\/\ to keep him
disorientated on his where-abouts. Mind you he is in full restraints”.
Alright Lizerd, thanks a lot! ~Smart-A**-Smirk-Here~

Anyway, they lead me off the pod and out to the hallway and lay me down on
the floor in the steel box. As I lay down my feet stick 3 feet out the box.
It is extremely small. They take off my leg shackles and fold me into the
box and lock the door.

I stand up and allow them to remove the 2 sets of handcuffs off my wrists. I
was than ordered to strip-out. I did so. My eyes just started to open.

After stripping out, I was given back my boxer shorts and nothing
else…handcuffed me behind my back through the bean-slot and opened the box.

They than put my leg shackle back on. I told the Sgt. “What about my shoes?
I’m not walking barefoot on this dirty ass floor. You want to carry me?”

They give me my shoes and escort me back to F-Pod F-Section, but not to 75
cell, but to my new cell 72, right next to Lizerd! Ha!Ha!

They lay me on the floor and take the leg restraints off. They go to remove
the hand restraints and tell me not to move. I say “Oh, no. You take them
off, we are gonna fight. I’m not gonna lay on this floor face down like some
punk!! Not gonna go down like that. Just get out of the cell and I give you
my word. I’ll give you the cuffs back through the slot” and they agreed and
I kept my word.

They left me in my new empty cell with nothing to decontaminate myself with.

Approximately 2 or 3 yours later, they brought my property to me. Man what a
night.

While I was in the hallway, they did take their 4 photos and the nurse
checked me out and noticed a cut on the back of my head! I’m told I was ok,
that was an old injury! Wink!Wink!!

The rest of the week’s been pretty quiet. Us old men, Lizerd and myself, are
licking our wounds.

I’m happy to say Lizerd is done…he got what he wanted and is going to do his
best to get back on level 1! I don’t blame him. He misses his weekly visits
with Joan very, very much. Don’t worry Joan, I’ll make sure he behaves
himself. Hey, Joan, why are you laughing at me. I’m serious!! Not that he
needs any help. He love you and that is all he needs.

Now, on the 11the they had a team escort prisoner R G
from Level II F-Pod E-Section 65 cell to Level III F-Pod F-Section 82 cell
because of a staff assault.

Let me explain, on January 5th, 2005, Mr. G made his Level II from Level
III. A few days after, they moved Mr. G to 65, his toilet broke, could
not flush it without it over-flowing.

Now Mr. G kept telling them about it and asking to be moved. He is
living in a d*** out-house for crying-out-loud.

Now after 2 days of trying to do the right thing, they are taking him to 64
cell periodically to use the restroom throughout the day and night. Of cause
64 cell has no light, so he can’t move there, but there are other open
cells.

On the 11th, they took Mr. G out of 65 cell to use the toilet in 64
cell. Mr. G gets on the run and sits down. Now he is handcuffed behind
his back and 2 guards are there.

Now Sgt. H comes to try and resolve the problem. He tells Mr. G
“You’re going into 65 or 64 cell”. Mr. G says “I’m not going into my
cell ‘til you fix the toilet and 64 cell doesn’t have a light”. Sgt.
H tells Mr. G “You are not going to stay on the run until they
fix the toilet.” Mr. G says “Do what you gotta do Vato, I ain’t moving.”

As Mr. G sits on the run, here comes the plumber with a “toilet snake”
to try and fix the toilet. He pulls up toilet paper…getting soiled and 2 day
old water al over the floor, but still cannot fix the toilet.

At this time, Lt. S is also on the run. He tell Mr. G “they are
going to have to fix his toilet through the pipe-chase. Go back in your
cell.” Mr. G says “Vato, I ain’t going in my cell with a broken toilet
and shit water all over the floor”. (NOTE TO THE READER: Lt. S came to
Death Row about a year ago from another Unit. He did something wrong at this
other unit, lost his rank and was sent to Death Row as C.O. 5. Before long,
he got his Sgt. S back and just recently, became a Lt. again. I do not
know why he lost his rank, but I ca guess. Anyone able to get this info to
me would help me out incredibly in showing you the Row gets all the
throw-backs and rogues working here.)

Now Lt. S goes into Mr. G cell and starts packing his property. An
unjustified action. Mr. G asks him “what are you doing?” Lt. S
ignores him and is just whistling.

Mr. G says “You can’t hear me, Vato?” Lt. S looks down at Mr. G
and says “nope”. Mr. G spits right in Lt. S face!!! Now, Lt. S
turns to the lady with the camcorder and says “Turn it on. Inmate G just
assaulted me.”

First of all the camcorder should have been on. As soon as Mr. G sat
down and the officers put there hands on him to keep him there, it becomes a
UOF!! Maybe Lt. S did not want the camcorder picking up the fact that
Mr. G has been living in a cell for 2 days with a broken toilet, he? Or
his unjustified actions of taking Mr. G property. (NOTE: POLUNSKY
UNITIS IS ACA or American Correctional Association approved which means this
unit gets extra funding for being in compliance with the states rules and
regulations. Maybe the fact that the ACA states that an inmate should be
moved or the toilet fixed within 4 yours of reporting the problem kept the
camera off. Who truly knows.)

After that Lt. S takes out his can of gas and says “Inmate G, I’m
giving you a direct order to allow the officers to put you back in your cell
or chemical agents will be used.”

Now Mr. G, who is sitting on the floor and already hand-cuffed behind
his back, looks up at Lt. S and says “do whatever you gotta do, Vato.!!”
Lt. S gives another similar direct order and Mr. G says the same
thing.

At this point, Lt. S puts his gas away and leaves. He comes back in a
few minutes with a Captain. No one knows this Captain’s name. The Captain
finds out all that happened and tells Mr. G “You’re going to Level III
for assaulting Lt. S by spiting in his face.” Mr. G says “That’s
fine. I’d rather be on Level III with a working toilet than on Level II
living in an outhouse!”

The Captain asks if Mr. G is going to walk over there. Mr. G ways
“What about my property?” Captain says “If we give you your property back,
will you walk over without resisting?” Gsays “yes!”

They move his property into 79 cell and he follows. What a damn shame that
Mr. G had to drop back down to Level III just to get a working toilet.

This is another week in paradise. Man, can you see the daily B.S. we all
must face? We are treated less than human. It’s frustrating as hell. I don’t
know the words to use to try and relate how we feel. Do you care? Should you
care? That is your individual choice.

I will leave with a quote from The Book of Counted Joys
“Hope requires the contender
Who sees no virtue in surrender
To the cradle to the bier,
The heart must preserve.

In Solidarity and Struggle
I Remain
R. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

P.S. Any info about CS # 587 would be greatly appreciated. Do they need a
special license to use it? Long term affects? Is it for tightly enclosed
areas? What is it’s chemical breakdown?

Lizerd learned this about the gas by talking to an officer who wished to
remain anonymous:
“CS # 587 has an antidote for its effects and you must have a license to
carry and use this gas and also to get the antidote.”

It was also mentioned by Lizerd “this gas is always retrieved by a Captain
or higher rank. I guess the powers-to-be just don’t think a 5 man team in
body armor with CS-10 gas is enough; what a bunch of sissies!!

Also, I would like to add that if there is an antidote, I know it has not
been offered to Chi-Town or myself….maybe it is just for the officers, eh?”

FYI: Anyone can get these UOF tapes to check the above written facts. Anyone
not representing me (I.E. my mom, sister, girlfriend…), strangers can get
them at $3.59 a tape. Just to let people know, they have a way to check the
facts in my writings.

Vegasvamp

02-06-2005, 06:46 PM

God bless Troy and his wonderful wife Christa !!! (be strong i´m always with you dear)

God bless Chuong and T-Rock !!!! (c u soon)

Miss My Brother

02-06-2005, 07:23 PM

This story made me laugh!! I am proud of these guys and their gutts. In reality it is a sad sad situation and I am so sorry this crap goes on.

sclcookie

02-07-2005, 02:44 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright January 17 to January
18, 2005

Jan. 17

12:35 p.m.-
My Daughter’s Birthday…I planned on sleeping the day away in a funk
depression. I stayed awake all night, rolled-up mattress on my bunk starring
out into the sky, thinking of My Lil Ricki, searching the sky for stars,
with the perimeter of the prison lit up like daylight, stars are often not
able to be seen, but I know they’re up there and I know if I stare long
enough, I’ll see a few.

I saw 2, or at least I imagined 2, I don’t even know. I needed to see stars
so I wished them into existence and wished my Lil Ricki a happy 8th Birthday
filled with love and happiness. She is so special, so sweet, so loving.
D***, I want to hold her, kiss her, give her tickle bugs….

Anyway breakfast was served and after they picked up the trays, I covered my
window, to black out my cell and sleep my depression away. I have a bad
habit of turning my sadness and pain into anger and rage. So I sleep, just
let me sleep. I guess I was just asking too d*** much, eh?....

9:30 a.m.-
I wake up to the sound of someone beating on my door! I say “go away!” The
“someone” says “get that stuff out of your window Inmate.” I say “who the
f--- are you?” He says “It does not matter who I am. My job is to tell you
what to do and your job is to listen!!” Talk about dumb-luck!!!

I get up and who do I see standing at my door, but Population Warden A,
Death Row Major N and a Lt. B who I’ve never seen before. I’m
standing at my door and Warden A (He’s a big ole dude too) tells me
“take it out the window” which is in the back wall of my cell “or I’ll get a
team to take it out”.

I laugh and than hang a towel over my door window, so he can’t see! Warden
A talks a little trash about “I’m from population. We do things
differently…blah…blah…blah…” I’m too pissed to care about threats, damn, I
just wanted to sleep, one day, that’s it.

Warden A tells the Major about using CS # 587 gas. Major N points
to my cell and Lizerd’s cell and says “the gas don’t bother those 2.” Warden
A says “That’s because y’all don’t do it right.”

Now there is a big plexi-glass window covering the 2 steel window slots on
my door to keep prisoners from throwing boiling water, piss and sometimes
even fecal matter. They leave!

At 9:56 a.m., Sgt. F and Lt. B came back with CO M and CO
D and some tools to take the plexi-glass off! I guess Warden A
thinks that spraying gas through my bean-slot will not saturate me enough or
cut off my breathing, what an ego!!

So as they do this, I take my towel down to watch. Lucky for them, I am a
prisoner, who doesn’t like to throw urnes and fecal matter on the officers,
yet anyway, never say never. They treat me like an animal, I will act like
an animal.

I then put a piece of clear plastic over my eyes and tie it to my head with
a sock. I than wet another sock, fold it over 3 x and put it over my mouth
and now and tie it secure with another sock around my head. I tie a sheet up
from my wall to my light so they can’t see me too well, bad thing is I can’t
see them either.

My neighbor, Lizerd, is my eyes, giving me the play-by-play! Thank you dog,
I mean Lizerd! You are on hell of a sireeeeen! Ha!Ha! (Inside Joke).

10:08 a.m.-
Team arrives along with Warden A . Lizerd says “Chi-Town, here comes the
team and they’re huge. I don’t recognize anyone.”

I put 2 and 2 together, it’s a team from population, Warden A was not
bulls****** when he said population does it different I guess.

10:09 a.m.-
Warden A sprays a 7 second burst of CS # 587 in my cell, a long 7
seconds!! This stuff attacks, oxygen, it steals your breath, it is scary.

Now procedure is wait 5 minutes and spray again, so as I’m trying to see how
long I can go without breathing!

Let me back-up. Before they sprayed, Sgt. F did give me 2 warnings. He
said “Inmate Cartwright, I’m giving you a direct order to submit to a strip
search and hand restraints or chemical agents will be applied.”

Then Warden A did the 7 second spray at 10:09 a.m.

At 10:12 a.m., Sgt. F give me two more order and uses the rest of the
can of CS # 587.

Once again Lizerd is letting me know what’s going on and keeping the time on
all this. Thanks dog!!

10:13 a.m.-
Hellooooo goon-squad!! They rolled my door and it was on. 5 men, point-man
with a double-shield, point man goes sideways as the shield meets my
shoulder, we both flew back onto the bunk and I’m swinging and they are
swinging.

Finally, they drop me, face first, on the floor, rip my jumpsuit, boxer,
socks and gym-shoes off of me and get the shackles and hand-restraints on
me. Now this is where I get p---ed. I’m on the floor, hand-cuffed, leg
restraints, 5 men in body armor and this big sissy point man starts kneeing
me in the head (now this is with shin-guards, hard plastic on the outside)
about 4 or 5 times.

I started calling him all kinds of b----es, hoes and punks. Yeah, not smart,
but at this point who cares.

10:17 a.m.-
(D***, it felt like 20 minutes in there…) Anyway, 10:17 a.m. they carry my
naked ass out of my cell and drop me on the run. I’m steady talking trash to
this point-man! (I do not know his name or anyone on the good-squad and no
one else did either) That was the whole point I believe! How do I pay back
the point main?? I guess I don’t now!!! I digress! Now this all took place
in 72 cell.

10:19 a.m.-
The team picks my naked a-- up and carries me to 76 cell and places me on
the floor, my upper body under the bunk (I gotta say something here…It is
not a nice feeling to have 5 men rip off your clothes and strip you naked by
force. I felt violated, I really did! It was not a nice feeling at all. Just
trying to be honest with y’all. I’m embarrassed by this feeling, but I try
to keep it real!! Don’t get me wrong. We will be doing this again.)

Now Sgt. F says “Inmate Cartwright, we are going to remove the leg
restraints and hand restraints, don’t move or force will be used.” I tell
Sgt. F “f--- you, y’all ain’t gonna just take all the restraints off and
expect me to lie here naked on the floor and let these officers out of my
cell. Man you got me f---ed up!!”

Sgt. F says don’t move. They remove the leg restraints. They start to do
the cuffs and I go-a-kicking and thrashing. They twist me up like a pretzel.
The point man, who is standing up or else it was 2 men, puts the EDGE of the
shield in the back of my neck and leans on it!! Boy!! Tough guy, eh??

They get my legs shackled again. Sgt. F again tells me about resisting
saying “Cartwright this is the way it's gonna be done.” I say “No it is not
Sgt.!!”

I than state “Look, I ain’t no punk. I’m not laying here on the floor,
a---naked, while you take these restraints off.” I than said “I give you my
word that if you take the shackles off and leave the cuffs on, I will give
you the opportunity to take the cuffs off in the bean-slot on the door.”

He says “No!” I say “Y’all ain’t gonna make it out the cell this way.”

So once again, they remove the shackles. I don’t move. They go for the
cuffs. I start kicking, bucking, grabbing for cuff-keys and they steadily
got my legs folded down onto my upper back and wrestling with the cuffs,
they get ‘em off, but when they try to leave, I start getting up and trying
to swing….smash, we all fall down again. It sure it hard fighting while your
naked.

They get the cuffs and leg shackles back on me. Now Sgt. F sees I’m not
playing and agrees to do it my way. They remove the leg shackles and exit
the cell. I get up and walk to the door and stick my hands through the
bean-slot and they remove the cuffs.

My word is golden. I tell tem that.

10:27 a.m. is the time the team finally exited 76 cell.

10:28 a.m.-
Nurse asks me how I feel! “Just fine” I say.

10:29 a.m.-
They take 4 photos of my nakedness :). Smile for the camera!!

10:30 a.m.-
The team leaves the pod.

11:24 a.m.-
They bring me my property out of 72 cell.

It is now 3:15 p.m. as I write this and I still have no mattress or sheets!
D***, I just want to go to sleep. Now at 1:05 p.m., they brought my Bro into
F-Pod with a 5 man team and a stretcher. His name is L T. His
nickname is Tiny! I will wait ‘til he tells me what happened and report it.

They moved him in my old cell 72! He was also butt-naked on arrival! I guess
these people are a little perverted, eh?

The following is Mr. T account:

“Greetings, regards and salutations,

Whoever reads this, know I hope you and your are in the best of health and
highest of spirits!

I wanted to speak out on the violence and complete unprofessional tactics
that some of these correctional officers use. Mainly the administration in
place on D.R. at the present time.

As we all know there are good and bad in every form of organization. It
seems that TDCJ has made a mistake in putting too many bad apples in the
administration on DR, 12-Building.

Let me relay what has been happening to me and my friend…..

R P is on death row for (wrongly….) the death of a
corrections officer on another unit in population. This happened (I believe)
in 2001-2002.

Also, just recently an officer (corrections) had been escorting Robert to
the rec. cage. While they were walking past the cage (cell) doors, the
officer got ‘speared’ with a prison-made shank and pole. This is just
history information you need to understand to see why the events that
happened escalated into the ‘Use of Force’ (ass whipping!) that was applied
to Robert and I….

On Jan. 16th I was in E-Section next to F-Section where Robert was caged.
All the day long there were 5-6 correctional officers having a little social
meeting in the picket (There are supposed to not be anyone in there except
the assigned ‘picket’ officer).

That night after shift change, Robert yelled out over to me in E-Section
that Mrs. H (property officer) had been in the picket when all the
other 4-5 officers were. She had gotten on the intercom and told Robert that
she was writing him a masturbation case!

He was devastated! Because he had not even spoken to anyone all day. He was
minding his own business. The only thing he could think of was that maybe
she saw him in the coarse of pissing! But he didn’t realize everything that
was going on…..

After hearing what happened I asked a couple officers that I am pretty
‘cool’ with. I get along with most of the correction officers! I don’t hate
anyone. Like I said, there is good and bad in every organization!

I was told that there are a small group of officers that are out to get
Robert. Mrs. H is married to a black man. So she naturally feels more
comfortable talking to a black inmate…Well, let’s just say the information
she gave back to me and Robert. She said that she didn’t write a
masturbation case. Officer P did!

Now why would a male officer set out to do that? And then us a female
officer as a ‘front’ for the case? Think about this. Robert was due
to get his Level I back in two days! The administration and property officer
(Mrs. H) are the only ones who know when someone is coming up for their
level!

So here is Robert in a little cage doing his d*** absolute best to stay out
of trouble. I mean the dude wouldn’t even keep simple ‘contraband’ like food
and stinger to eat with! On level II you not allowed to eat….Well, only the
three B.S. meals TDCJ allows. But nothing from the Level I commissary list
of luxury! He wanted to see his best friend and supporter form Switzerland
for a special visit. He did try hard…I was even kidding or making jokes
about it!

So here we are on Jan 17th. I am in F-Section dayroom cage. Roberts cage
(cell) is directly in front of the dayroom. We talked about everything. I
could hear the dissatisfaction and disappointment in his voice. He said
‘s---, I just want to live in peace for the remaining few years I have to
live…!’ It p**** me off the hear and see how his emotions were running
wild. All because some few officers are upset or mad about why he is here on
D.R.

Well, Jan 17th was a holiday (Martin Luther King Day), so the only ranking
officers that were here on 12-building were Major N and Sergeant F.
If you did a survey on D.R. 99% of inmates would tell you Sgt. F is not
worth s---! I knew that but I never even had a chance. I refused to come out
of the dayroom, because even after the picket officer called Sgt. F, he
didn’t come to see what the situation was.

That is his job people! All I wanted to do was talk to the Major about why
Robert was going through all this unnecessary B.S.

Here I am in the dayroom when Sergeant F comes in. He doesn’t even ask
me what the problem is. He says ‘You come out of that dayroom now or I got a
team for your a--, and we will steam roll your a--!’

I couldn’t allow the dude to talk to me like that people! So I told him to
suck my dick.

Here comes the 5 man team. All with riot gear. Of coarse all 230 lbs. plus.
Front man with a shield. All have gas masks and helmets, knee pads, elbow
pads, vests, hiking boots, etc….

What do I have? Well, let’s see. Some tape on my eyes so I can see. And a
rag around my nose and mouth so I can try to breath!

They sprayed me 3-4 times with two cans of gas. One from either side of me.

After I was gassed good enough to let them feel good about themselves, the
door to the dayroom opens! I fight to keep form getting absolutely beat the
s--- out of. I got five grown men fighting me, with no defense. One stuck
his finger deep into my eye socket. That s--- really hurts people!

So they get me in leg and hand cuffs. Then while I am laying on the dayroom
floor in a ‘puddle’ of gas, they strip me but ass naked!

All this is on video camera people anyone can get this stuff. TDCJ sells the
tapes of Use of Force, I think. I know there are ways to get the tapes…

So I refuse to walk anywhere. Therefore, they carry me out to the hall put
me on a stretches and wheel me to the dreaded ‘F-Pod’. On Death Row, F-Pod
has the illusion of hell! Absolutely, I fight and curse them the whole
way….They reduce you to an animal level.

Once they get me in my new cage they lay me on the ground and push me under
the steel bunk. Under there with absolutely no defense. They take off the
cuffs and leave the cell.

I crawl out from under the bunk to the glorious sound of my brothers and
friends wanting to know if I am ok and if I need anything to help the burn
and cuts. They send me soap and towels to try and wash the burning gas off
my body…The burn lasts a couple of days!

About two hours later comes my friend Robert through the door. He has gone
through the same treatment as I.

As sad as all the violence and mistreatment that I just told you is, the
saddest of all is the fact that I didn’t want to do that! Neither did
Robert! All we wanted to do was speak to the Major about why some officers
are out to get Robert!

So the next day I am in the dayroom on F-Pod (Hell). In walks Warden B,
Major N and Captain W.

The warden tells me “Lee, I am surprised you’re going off”. That’s because
since I have been on D.R., I have rarely gotten into trouble.

The Captain doesn’t say anything. I have never talked to him before.

The Major and I have a conversation where she admits in front of the Warden
that Sergeant F never even told her of called her to let her know there
was a situation with me before the riot team got there! She admits that her
own Sergeant that is supposed to report all violence to her never did until
the situation was so out of control that there was no stopping.

But even though she admits it in front of her Warden, I am still on Level
III. Sergeant F is still here and has not had any punishment for
under-minding his Major.

Part of the problem is these B.S. unprofessionalSergeants don’t know their
head from their asses so they improvise. And the higher administration
allows them to run rampant. Because of the complete unprofessionalism and
utter lack of respect for me as a man, Seargent F and I are enemies
until I feel the situation has been rectified.

L T

Anyway, I burn form gas and just want to pace my cell and try to cool off
the burn. Once again, anyone can get a copy of these tapes to check the
facts. This tape will be rated R, though. I was naked. Anyway, until later.

One more note, I’d like to add. They take Polaroid pictures right after the
run-in. I guess because it takes a while for your bruises to show as anyone
who has been bruised knows.

The whole left side of my head is blackish-red from the knee-butting, the
right side of my face is bruised from being dropped face first to the floor.
My left knee is swollen. I have bruises up and down my legs and a boot print
on my butt-cheek!

Maybe we can do this again tomorrow so today’s bruises and beating will show
up on tomorrow’s tape.

It is no 4:10 p.m. and the just brought another prisoner in here via GOON
SQUAD EXPRESS. I just found out his name is R
his
nickname is Tool. I did not see him come in so I can’t say much.

The following is Mr. P account:

“Psychological warfare is routinely implemented by the employees at TDCJ-ID
to not only subdue inmates, but push them past the threshold of sanity. Some
of you may consider such a statement ludicrous, a mere delusion by some
sensory deprived death row inmate (as I once concluded after hearing similar
things very early in my incarceration), but I know first hand that it’s
truth. My most recent predicament exemplifies how some employees here, who
‘strive to operate the institution as consummated professionals’ incessantly
test inmate’s sanity.

On January 16, 2005, I sat in my cell anxiously anticipation the few
privileges I would soon have once I was promoted to Level I on the 18th.
Death Row behavioral modification system where Level I is the best you can
get and Level 3 the worst.

I was reduced to Level III in August of 2004 for aggressively protesting the
cruel and unusual way we are often treated here. I spent over 4 months
without receiving a disciplinary case, working my way back to Level II to my
radio. I decided that I would put up with the behavior of some CO’s and try
my best to live in peace in what could be my last few years alive.

Anyhow, I was happily going over the simple pleasure that Level I offers
because I was scheduled to get my Level I on the 18th, just two more days!
As it turns out, some CO’s know about me coming up for Level I and they
thought they’d play mind games with me.

Close to shift change on January 16th a female CO (who is also the property
officer) named H accused me of masturbating on her and informed me that
I was going to Level III because she was writing me a case.

I was not masturbating, but I was urinating and at first I thought maybe she
thought I was. Paranoid, I tried to explain to her that I was no doing that,
but she was adamant: I would get a case.

I couldn’t believe my misfortune! All that time I endured Levels III and II,
trying my best to get my Level I so I could see my friends, putting up with
all sorts of crap, only to lose it all for something I DID NOT DO! I was
completely devastated.

The next day, I was informed by another inmate that Ms. H knew I was
due to come up for Level I (she’s the property officer and she’s given a
list of those who are scheduled to come up because she brings them their
allowed property) and that she was seen talking to Officer P, an
officer who has made it clear that my time on DR would be rough because of
my case.

You see, most officers here did not know I was convicted (wrongly!) in the
death of a CO. After an inmate speared a guard who was escorting me in
November, that information was spread across the internet and now all these
CO’s know about my case. Some have expressed their disgust and made it clear
to me that my life would be hard here. So I came to the realization that
H and P conspired against me.

The next day, my best friend tried to help me get Major N to the pod to
talk to me about the situation. She’s rumored to be a decent and reasonable
person, so we figured she’d help if we could talk to her.

Unfortunately Sergeant F came to the pod and he wasn’t trying to talk.
He wouldn’t even let the Major know that we only wanted to talk. Instead he
used chemical agents on my friend and sent a 5 man team, suited in riot
gear, into the dayroom to beat him up.

After I force them to do the same to me in my cell, we wanted to talk, they
didn’t.

After words, I was place in a cage off the pod and H approached the
cage saying, ‘By the way, I tore that case up. I know you weren’t
masturbating. I was just messing with you! Enjoy Level 3!’ with a smile on
her face.

So if you think that these folks strive to conduct themselves in a
professional manner, then you are wrong. Their job is to secure us and make
sure we are following the rules, but they sometimes feel it is punish us in
any way possible and they’ve shown that they’ll stoop to any level to
accomplish that.

Personally, I want to live out what is possibly my last years alive in
peace, yet they don’t seem to let me. What does a man do in such a situation
to keep his sanity?

This is how it always happens, a new administration comes in (I.E.: Rogue
Capt. W, Major N), see things are too quiet and can’t help but
put a stick in the bee-hive. The stick works for a moth or 2 and then all
the warrior bees come out to fight.

Like I said, before, there are only 3 escapes for us, Suicide, Insanity or
Fight back and keep hope alive. Been a few attempted suicides, 1 or 2
successful suicides and a Van Load of D.R. prisoners have gone over to
Jester 4, TDCJ prison for “nut-case” men who find release in their own
fantasies, playing in their urine and feces, smearing it on their walls, to
mark their territory like wild-eyed-beast.

Goes back to what I said earlier, you treat a human being like an animal
long enough, he becomes one.

The rise of suicide, insanity and violence has increase considerably since
the Administration of Major N and Rogue Capt. W have been in
charge. I guess Death Row Warden J has just gave them free rein of what
they want to do.

Well, the powers-to-be refused to feed F-Pod F-Section or F-Pod E-Section
hot trays today for supper. These 4 sections house Lever II and Level III
D.R. Prisoners. Instead we got a paper sack with 1 peanut butter sandwich,
no jelly, 2 small, I mean very small hot dogs, and 2 pieces of bread.

Now showers either. I guess they got us locked down. Is it for just today?
Who knows. Tomorrow will tell it.

D***, looks like I’m in for a busy week.

4:50 p.m.-
Back again. Nurse M just brought my afternoon meds and when I turned
away from the door, she said “Oh My God, what happened to your back?” I said
“What do you mean?” She said “You have 2 or 3 huge bruised and skin scraped
off.” I just shrugged my shoulders. I guess that was from the shield or
something. I’m sure I’ll fell it in the morning.

I know, I’m rambling. I guess it’s emotions. E-Section, it had to be at
least 8-9 people flooded! The water flooded d-e-f section and went out into
the hallway. I guess that is how they try to justify locking E-Section down.

See they try to punish everyone for a few troublesome events! They try to
make us fight amongst ourselves, but it won’t happen o F-Pod!!

Jan. 18

There are some wicked side-effects from that CS # 587 gas they used. The
“morning after” affects are killer. This is the second time they used it on
me and the “morning after” my nose bleeds and my chest hurts when I try to
take a deep breath. Lizerd also mentioned this plus headaches. I thought the
first time I was just getting the flu or something. That is some wicked gas,
for sure.

Good morning, it is 2:30 a.m. and they just brought me my breakfast. A
Johnny Sack again!! 1 egg with tow pieces of bread and a single slice cheese
sandwich.

I guess we are still on lock down!

I’m kinda tired. The wing officers on second shift at 6 p.m. were backed up
do to lack of 1st shift getting their work done due to the 3 UOF’s yesterday
by the time Officer A and Officer P got done doing the showers
and recreations on the 4 sections of F-Pod who are no locked down. So we did
not get our necessities, boxers, socks…until close to 11:30 p.m. So 3 hours
of sleep, talk about sleep deprivation!!! I wish I could go back to sleep
but I’m too upset at the moment. Nothing to really say, be back later.

It is now 9:00 p.m. and the day has been quiet. At lunch 9:30 a.m. we had
another Johnny Sack, 1 peanut butter sandwich, 1 chicken pattie. Man I’m
gonna try to crash.

It is now 4:05 p.m. and we received a hot tray!! Woohoo looks like lock-down
is over. After chow they even let us shower, boy!! I feel special!!!

It has been relatively quiet all day, but you know what they say…it always
get quiet before the storm. It was nice to have a somewhat peaceful day to
recover from the bumps and bruised of yesterday.

I’m gonna try and do a daily report even on he quiet days. I have letters
and legal work also, so no promises, but I’ll try.

Y’all have a good night.

In Struggle and Solidarity
I remain
R. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

sclcookie

02-14-2005, 03:03 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright January 24 to January
31, 2005

Jan. 24

Well, it is Monday morning and all is quiet at this time.

Breakfast was served at 3 a.m. 2 spoonfuls of eggs, 3 spoonfuls of
applesauce, 2 biscuits, and a milk. All cold of course, but the food has
been served cold ever since we’ve came to Polunsky Unit.

We’ve excepted this and have moved on I suppose. The food, or lack of,
becomes an extremely serious issue and problem on F-Pod level II and level
III. We do not get to buy food in commissary as a punishment, so our 3 small
and cold meals a day are all we get.

10 a.m.-
Lunch is served. Sloppy Joe’s! I wish it was no so sloppy and had some more
Joe (meat) in it. The Sloppy Joe’s was consumed within four bites. There
were 2 pieces of white bread, undercooked corn and some ranch beans. Brown
water for drink. It is supposed to be tea.

3:10 a.m.-
Dinner is served! “Man, what is this crap!?” I asked the officer and he says
“Man, I don’t know what it is, but I wouldn’t eat it!” Well, I have no
choice. The main course is…h***, I just ate it and still do not know!! I
think it was mushed-up cornbread, green pease and some meat bits. The whole
thing was no bigger then…I guess about 4 spoonfuls. Green beans, carrots and
undercooked corn. Brown water.

I just finished eating and I’m still hungry.

Well, only 10 more hours ‘til breakfast. Guess I’ll be drinking gallons of
water, tonight.

Jan. 25

3:15 a.m.-
G’Morning, it’s breakfast time again. Oh, yeah baby :)!! 3 dry-a** pancakes,
some applesauce, and a carton of milk.

I’m going back to sleep.

9:40 a.m.-
Lunch time. Hamburger patty, potatoes, carrots, beans and 2 biscuits!
Woohoo, not bad at all. 1 good meal out of 5, not too bad at all.

Seems like it will be another quiet day. I’m sure you appreciate that, eh
Suzanne? Smile :}.

Well, I spoke too soon Suzanne :(! It is approx. 2 p.m. and Eddie J
has refused to come out of the outside recreation yard. I’m not sure what
it’s about.

I want to speak on a person’s issue at hand but cannot! It is no my place to
reveal Eddie’s personal trial and tribulations. I will ask him to write
about the experience when it is all said and done.

Words from Eddie J written on Jan. 26, 2005:

“The week after Christmas, I received word from the Chaplain here at the
prison that my Granny called up here…my Mama had died the day before.

I guess it didn’t hit me, ‘cause the Chaplain asked did I understand what he
said. Of course I did. He pointed out that I did not react in such a way
most people do when receiving such news. I was not looking sad, wasn’t
crying, just had a passive look.

The very next day I received a letter in the mail from my Mother! I read it.
It was written in my sister-in-laws handwriting, so I assumed my mother was
on here deadly last breaths talking as my baby sis’ wrote.

She was telling me how much she loved me and missed me, that she wanted me
to not get into any unnecessary trouble and try to keep fighting to get off
death row.

It seemed as though I had lost all my emotions, as there was more within me
at the time. I felt like something was definitely wrong with me ‘cause I
haven’t shed a tear since my queen died.

So I contacted the Psych. Department at this plantation. They assured me it
was not common, but not abnormal, and that it may sink in later.

It’s been almost a month since she passed on. There has been emotions
building up silently that I was unaware of. The past month I’ve not been
angry, sad, lonely, happy, depressed or anything.

Yesterday (01/25/2005), I was allowed the one hour out of my cage to go
outside into a slightly larger area made like a pit. There is concrete walls
that goes about 30 feet up on all side. Across the top there are steel bars
that tic-tac-toe back and forth to ensure that even when we look to the
skies, we see prison.

This is our ‘outside hour’. The air isn’t fresh, but there are smells out
there we don’t get on the inside. There are spaces that divide the ‘yard’ up
so two of us can be out at one time, separated by steel bars serving as ½
way marks.

When outside the only thing we can see is the same stuff we see in our cages
(concrete and steel).

Oh, I forgot, we can look up to see the sky. Sometimes we catch sounds
(birds, lawn mowers, airplane), but if we look up too long, a person’s neck
starts to hurt.

I never stare straight up for too long anyway, for fear that a bird may s***
in my face ~ seen it happen too many times.

Well, yesterday, I somehow ended up outside by myself. So I was deep in
thought. Observing the sounds, the smells, weighing my fantasy vs. reality,
the ‘damns’ and te ‘what the f--ks’.

For no reason, or every reason, I just became angry and frustrated.

I was thinking about all the bullshit and games my captors play on us here.
All the psychological torture and forms of submissions, the excessive rules
and abuse of ‘authority’ and policy (most of which is meaningless and
unexplainable).

The frustrations built up and I was like ‘f--k it’. All the missing emotions
started fighting to spew out all at one time. The mental thing just wasn’t
cutting it. I felt like some physical release was in order.

I’ve had my share of squabbles with the ‘extraction’ team of guards in riot
gear, so I knew first hand that it helps relieve some stress.

The 2 officers came to tell me my time is up. I told ‘em to go put their
‘suits’ on, and I was gonna hang outside for a while.

Once a prisoner refused to come in, they must notify their supervisors. They
(supervisors) came down and we talked about it a little, but that didn’t
help me any. So they went to get 5 guards to suit up in ‘gear’ to physically
force me back inside.

About 20 minutes and they returned with the ‘team’. The supervisor gave me
an ‘order’ to strip out and comply. I refused. He shot this 35 mm rifle
looking cannon thing inside the area to dispense chemical agents (gas)
around me.

After 5 minutes, the procedure was done again. But this time when I refused,
he pulled th pin on this big grenade looking thing.

I know what is was, but of all the times I’ve fought the team and been
gassed, this is the only type I’ve never experienced.

It stared smoking and fogged up the whole area where nobody could see.

The smoking chemicals began to burn my lungs and chest and sting. My eyes
were okay though. Then my eye began to water. As they watered, I noticed it
was excessive. The gassy chemicals started to burn where I couldn’t see. The
water kept flowing all the way down the sides of my face. That has never
happened like that.

It crossed my mind ‘What the f--k is wrong with me?’ That’s when I realized
that the water cascading down my cheeks were tears.

I couldn’t see and it was burning.

Myriad of things began zigzagging in my mind, manly my Mama. D***, not now
Mama, I’m about to bang with these pigs. I tried to fight it off. It
wouldn’t’ stop.

Suddenly I was struck with a thought that it was my Mama crying. Why the
hell won’t it stop? I couldn’t see s--t! I can’t let ‘em gang up on me if I
can’t see?

The supervisor was going through the 3red and final verbals as I was coming
back to grips with myself.

I squinted to try and see. Barely could make out the figures lining up I
front of the door, getting ready to rush me.

I heard something in my head say let ‘em go ahead and have this situation,
and to not let ‘em come in on me during this state of mind.

I threw my hand up and the supervisor took it as a surrender sign, then asks
was I coming out?

I said ‘Yes’.

All last night I was arguing with myself. I gotta let a little more crying
out. Try the Psych. Again and if that doesn’t help me ease some of this
stress, then I’ll try it my way, the physical way.

But I have to at lest listen to my Mama for once and try it her way. She
asked me not to get into trouble unnecessarily. I’ll see how it goes.

If I would have listened to her, my manish ass wouldn’t be here right now.

But the psychological torture gets to a person over time here on this
plantation.

My mind ain’t clicking right. Everyday I hear voices in my head ‘I’ma kill
you, we gone kill you. I’ma kill you’. The next morning when I wake, it’s
‘I’ma kill you, I’ma kill you’.

It’s a reminder and a threat. And they’re not bulls***** either as I see
dudes I’ve come to know take that journey of no return ~ escorted away by
these very voices in my head…’I’ma kill you’.

How the h*** am I supposed to take that? Especially when the first law of
nature is self-preservation?

I can’t make a conscious decision right now, but my nature won’t let me lay
it down…..

Sir Eddie J

Well, at about 5 p.m. Lizerd hollers down to me and says “Hey, Troy sends
his love and respects! Says he will be back, they are not gonna get him
tonight.”

See Troy Kunkle, 000784 AKA “TKO”, gotta watch him. He’s a South Paw! Smile.
Good to know his execution will not prevail tonight.

I really cut for Troy! We’ve had some damn good times together. I’ve know
troy for just about 8 years now. He got on Death Row at age 18 and is now 38
years old. He has spent more than ½ his life on the row.

They have been trying real head to kill Troy in the past few months. He has
had, I think, I’m not sure, 3 dates in the past 5 months or right around
there.

He came to the row a boy and he is now a man.

Well, it is good to know they won’t get him, tonight. STAND TALL AND KEEP
FIGHTING, TROY.

10:20 p.m.-
I ask Officer A if Troy is back yet? He looks at me and says no!! We
talk a little, Alexander leaves.

Troy has been EXECUTED, MURDERED, KILLED!! He is gone. I wanna scream and
yell. I want to let my demons surface. I want to share my pain with someone
in the worst way, in a very bad way. I want to physically hurt as I
emotionally hurt.

I hat the way I feel. My losses keep stacking on top of me, burying me in my
misery, almost to where I can’t breath.

A breaking point is becoming closer once again. How much death can 1 man
stand? How many friends must I watch systematically slaughter in the name of
Texas’ Blood Justice? When will it stop? Not ‘til my turn? Not even than!

My pain and loss will stop, but my loved ones’ pain and loss will start!

Nor will I be the last to grease the wheels of Texas’ Killing Machine with
my blood.

D***, TKO, I’m gonna miss you, Peckerwood!! Christi, I will keep you in my
prayers. Stay strong Christi. Troy did for 20 years!!! Troy was a warrior!!!
I love you Bro, until the next life!!

Jan 26

3:05 a.m.-
Breakfast, 3 pancakes, applesauce, cereal and milk…

Troy is stuck in my head! Damn, I hate this s***. At least he is finally
free from this Hell-Hole. That is my one comforting thought for the one’s
killed by BLOOD-JUSTICE.

It is too early to feel this morbid. G’Night.

11:01 a.m.-
Lunch time. Sausage link, 2 pieces of bread, potatoes (raw :( ). Squash and
beans.

Well, commissary, once again refused me the purchase of hygiene items (i.e.
soap, toothpaste, deodorant, and shampoo)!! I’ve gone WITHOUT SINCE DEC. 20,
2004! Man, F@$* this.

I’ll talk to Capt. W once more, today. If I do not have hygiene
items in my cell tomorrow, I’m going all the way off!! Treat me like an
animal and I will act like an animal.

Am I wrong? What else can I do? I’ve talked and wrote all I can. If that
does not work, I have no choice but to take it to the next level. This shit
is ridiculous!!

3:20 p.m.-
Dinner time. 1 scoop (Ice Cream) of rice with a few, very few shreds of
chicken in it!! Squash, beans and carrots.

Man, what a frigging joke this food is getting to be. I probably drank
enough water in the past month to float a ship.

I went to medical today, for a torn ligament, and I weight 191 lbs. I was
220 a month ago.

I’m 6’2” so I was far from overweight to start with.

Oh, yeah, I got some aspirin for my tore knee ligament, all’s better now!
Yeah, Right!!!

I’m gonna close this down for now. I’m emotionally exhausted!!!

It is now 9:45 p.m. and the officers just informed us for the second day in
a row we are out of necessities!! Socks, boxers and they brought us
Chocolate Brown Towels.

The definition of necessity = A) Indispensable thing, B) Imperative need!

This is bull***! NO HYGIENE, NO CLEAN TOWELS, NO CLEAN BOXERS OR SOCKS!
This is just cruel and unusual punishment onto cruel and unusual punishment.

Jan. 27

4:01 a.m.-
Breakfast, scrambled eggs, oatmeal, applesauce and orange drink. Must have
someone new working in the kitchen because the proportions were actually
enough to feel up the slots of the tray! Boy! He’ll be fired lunch time.

10 a.m.-
Meatloaf, potatoes, green beans, cornbread and brown water.

I’m jacking my tray. I want my d*** hygiene!

My Bro, Rick R, jacked his tray too! UNITED WE STAND!!

I’ve tried to talk. I’ve wrote I-60’s. Followed procedures all no avail so
f*** it. Let’s Get Physical!!!

11:14 a.m.-
Sgt. B and CO N come talking to R and myself to see what the
problem is. They look in our cells and see they are gas-proofed and we have
our convict gas masks (wet socks) sitting on the table (smile). No Go
Commissary, suit-it-up!!

11:32 p.m.-
Capt. W comes by. He is upset and has a slight attitude, but I
would expect him to. To his credit, Capt. W seems to be trying to
resolve this issue, but to no avail so far.

I think we are finally starting to earn each other’s respect.

Capt. W has been in TDCJ a long time, officers…become somewhat
institutionalized after years in here. We all must adapt to our environment
to survive.

At 11:51 a.m. Capt. W, Sgt. H and Sgt. B leave the pod
to try and see what they can do about our hygiene.

R and I still have our tray ready to fade the team.

12:02 a.m.-
Capt. W is back and he has commissary lists with him. Capt.
W says he got it under control

R and I give up the trays.

12:09 p.m.-
They leave with the commissary lists.

It is now 1:15 p.m. and we wait! By the way they handed out commissary lists
to everyone on Level III and Level II on F-Pod. Once again, why must I act
out to get what I have coming?

3:06 p.m.-
Commissary is brought to all the Level III and Level II prisoners!! Now if
R. and myself did not jack the trays, NOONE would have gotten to
purchase hygiend!!

4:10 p.m.-
Dinner time! Damn it. R and I get food loaf for the next 7 days ;(.
Hell, at least it feel you up if you can stomach the taste.

Hope the rest over here appreciate the sacrifice. Truth is I did not do this
for anyone but MYSELF!! Don’t think I’m trying to save the world.

R. , my Bro, did not even need to go to store. He sacrificed because
of me.

Friends are hard to come be, Bros even harder. To be a friend in prison is a
dangerous, dangerous title, one not to be give or received lightly. Thanks
for staying down for me Rick!!

R. Rhoades only reason for even coming down to F-Pod was to ride with me and
let rank know that if the mess with 1, they mess with all.

At least now I have toothpaste, soap and deodorant!! Why must I have to
fight for necessities!! Welcome to our world, eh!?

Words from Lee T

“Greetings, Regards and Salutations,

I am here wishing all you out there are in wonderful health and high
spirits! Thank you all for taking the time out of your no doubt busy lives
to read these articles from ‘our’ world!

Hello to Kati, Ines, Dee, Ciara and Lene! You all will have receive mail
from me by now! Keep smiling and thinking of ‘us’ on the inside…….!

I have a couple of issues I would like to ‘vent’ about in this article.

First would be the problem I had last night, 01/26/2005, around 8:30 p.m. I
had to ‘jack’ (hold) the food slot in the door in order to get a ranking
officer on the pod.

I say I ‘had’ to because for the past week I have ‘had’ just to receive a
clean towel! I couldn’t take it any longer!

About 8:30 p.m. the officers on the ‘floor’ passed out our daily cloths.
Socks, boxers (towels three times a week). The officer walked up to my door
again, for the third time in a week with towels and socks that were coco
brown! I mean really dirty people!

Everyday ‘we’ (inmates) get the same excuse! ‘All we do is pass the stuff
out’ blah, blah, blah….is what we are told about socks and towels that no
sane person would use to dry off after a refreshing clean shower!!

The officers seem to think we are supposed to except that answer…blah, blah,
blah! Not me, says I!! So I ‘jacked’ the food slot to get rank!

After numerous calls to the rank by the ‘Pod’ Officers, the rank decided to
finally come see what the problem is. Or what some inmate (me) is crying
about……

In comes Sergeant H. We talk a little. He refuses to look at the
coco brown towels. Why? Because he admits that he knows and has known for
the past week about the problem of dirty cloths being passed out on Death
Row.

He says that the reason they are filthy is because something is wrong with
the piping to the washing machine.

Okay, lets say that is true. I tell Sergeant H. But let’s get a
little deeper into why the clothes are so dirty!

We inmates do not have any access whatsoever to dirt or anything that could
make our body so dirty that the towels would be as dark brown as the
concrete floor! We don’t go ‘outside’! Our ‘Outside’ Rec. is just another
steel and concrete cage. So where is the dirt coming from?

Sergeant H agreed that we don’t have a way to accumulate that much
dirt. With that agreement I then proceeded to explain where all the dirt is
coming from!

See when these officers pass out socks, boxers, towels, sheets, pillowcases
and jumpsuits, it is all thrown on the floor, then swept into a big pile.
They sweep all the little piles across the dirty ass floor all the way to a
‘central’ pile. Then it is all put into a buggy!

The floor out on the run is very dirty! The officers track dirt and mud with
them when they come to work. They can’t avoid it. Dirt finds it’s way into
the institution.

Also, when the food is passed out and the trays picked up, there is food and
juice spilt inevitably.

So when the cloths are drug across the floor, it becomes very dirty.

I talked to the sergeant about all this. I said as a logical thing person
you know that is wrong and not sanitary at all!

Again, he agrees on all accounts! But here is his response! ‘I have been
here a long time. All that time these officers have done the same process
(rushing cloths across a dirty floor with a broom). I can’t change it now.
That is just how it’s done.’ Can you believe this s--t?

That blew me away people! Why is the man a d*** Sergeant? He is the only
person that is supposed to change procedures that are idiotic.

So I tell him ‘If everyone that has been placed in a ranking position
thought that way, the world would never change for the better….!’

Anyway, people, he agreed to write the problem in his ‘report’. He gave me a
grievance form to fill out, which I have.

Let’s see if anything comes of it! Most likely not, though!

That’s why I must vent my anger in this article! Because if not, I would
just act out in anger….That seems what these people wish for us to do!

Thanks for reading this and allowing me to vent my thoughts!

Special thanks to the wonderful lady who writes all ‘our’ thoughts on the
net (Suzanne)!

Respectfully,
Lee T, ‘Tinywood’ “

Jan. 28

ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE!! Just found out from R that there is an
(IOC) Inner-Office-Communication taped to the dayroom that DR phone calls
are being resumed.

We have not been allowed phone calls for the past year! Why? Who knows,
short-handed-staff is what they like to way.

So now it you’re a god little boy and receive no cases for 90 days, you can
have a 5 min. phone call with loved ones while an officer sits across from
you with another phone to his ear to listen to you phone call. I feel very
special!!!

They can stick there phone call up their a*#!!

By federal law, there are SUPPOSED to be telephones in the dayroom.

Now, they act like these 5 min. phone calls will pacify a convict!! Man,
Please!!! Like a phone call should make me be good! What incentive, eh?

Give me a contact visit. I’ll be good. I’ll be “saint-like”. Really, no
sarcasm there. To hug my loved one, to receive a kiss, is this asking too
much?

Even if you hate me, even if you believe I’m human waste and deserve death.
What about my mother? What about my Rick Marie (my daughter) or my lover,
Melissa?? Do no their feelings and wishes count?

My daughter turned 8 years old on the 17th of January. I held her 1 time, in
court, when she was a little over 1 month old. We have bonded through
visits, drawings and letters. No hugs, no kisses, no tickle bugs!!

You say what about victims’ rights? I say, my mother, daughter and Melissa
have become victims in their own right!! They have hurt NOONE!

When the State of Texas kills me, my suffering, my time in hell is OVER,
DONE!! That is when their suffering will truly start.

This is not justice. This is revenge, plain and simple! You cannot argue
that.

Justice would be to make me live in prison for life. To watch my mother
slowly age and die and not be able to comfort her.

Seeing my daughter going through life’s struggles, life’s ups and downs,
watching her grow closer and closer to my ex-wife’s husband, watching them
bond, it hurts. It breaks my hear, but all that pain, all that hurts leaves
when I die.

Melissa, I crave for her touch, so close, so much love, a love so pure, so
all-consuming, yet…I have not the words, but I know my death will take a
part of her with me. What of her pain?

They love me? Don’t cry victims’ rights tome. All the victims’ right
movement does is complete the vicious circle of the suffering of the
innocent.

Just calling a spade a spade. It is not justice, but revenge. Revenge
against the innocent.

Enough said!! G’NIGHT!!

Jan. 29

Man, I slept in today. At 10:30 a.m. the Goon Squad brought in a young
looking peckerwood in here. He was painted orange in gas and cut on his
forehead!! I learned his name to be Clinton Y. I’ve asked him to
write in his own words the whats and whys of his run-in!

He is burning up right now, so it might be ready for Monday morning mail
call.

It has been a relatively somewhat calm week. I’m sure Suzanne will be
thankful not to receive another 20 page week of Uncensored.

I will continue to write it as I see and hear it, no more, no less.

Also, if anyone has questions or comments, please don’t be shy. For me,
against me, I want to hear about it. Leave e mails at (email address removed due to PTO policies, please contact member) or
write me direct at: R. Cartwright 999224
Polunsky Unit DR
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

Please don’t pull no punches. Tell me what’s on your mind. I speak my mind.
I want “y’all” to speak yours. Hate me or love me.

God Bless and keep you safe. 1 more week comes to an end.

Jan. 31

3:45 a.m.-
Mr. Young just hollered down here and said he wrote something for
Uncensored! Sounds like all the rest, eh? Just standing up for what is
right. It’s the only way we can!

Clinton Y, account:

01/30/2005

This is my first time contributing to UNCENSORED, so please bare with me.

I have been having problems with TDCJ since I arrived in April 2003. Mostly
because of my youthful age. I was 19 when I got here and am now 21, and the
fact that I look as if I should be a model for Calvin Klein, not a Death Row
inmate.

So some of those with a lower than average I.Q. translate these traits as a
weakness.

I am fully aware of what it takes to survive in ‘the system’, as I lived 2 ½
years on the most violent juvenile farm in Texas! So when pushed, I push
back. Though I never initiate.,

Well, on September 16, 2004, the court placed an order to seize costs for
court on me. This bill had a grand total of $209,292.32. The order state
that the prison inmate trust fund was to add up the proceeding six months
deposits (03/16/2004-09/16/2004) and charge me 20% of the amount from that
time period. Then charge me 10 % of each months deposits until the total
bill is paid.

I would like to add that I am the ‘ONLY’ inmate on Death Row with this bill.

Well, the TDCJ inmate trust fund has misunderstood the court order. They
have placed the bill on my account as I have to pay 20% of the ‘total’ bill
being $40,000+ before they only remove 10%.

So this means I can not go to commissary until I pay forty thousand plus
dollars.

Needles to say, it won’t be too soon.

Well, I have been on level I being a passive prisoner. I had a media visit
planned from Sweden. I was the only person in my case that refused to talk
to the police or testify, and I was the only on that got the death penalty.

Well, this media visit was a chance for me to tell my side of the case and
to get help in my appeal. This was a very special visit for me.

When it came time for me to go to the visit, the officer told me that they
have ‘direct orders’ not to let me take any paperwork to my media visit. So
I was unable to take important legal papers, that prove my innocence, so I
could show the world and tell my part.

Now to make matters worse, I was only allowed 20 minutes. Not even the
minimum 45 minutes allowed for a media visit.

It was cut short by a prison representative. So my chance to tell my side
was blown.

The reason for this happening is because one of my neighbors in a cell next
to me killed himself. He was allowed to do so at the incompetence of TDCJ.

So they, by law, are guilty of his death or I might as well call it what it
is ‘Murder’.

Well prison official were worried I was talking to the media about this
fault of theirs instead of my case. They were paranoid that they would be
exposed. So they screwed my chance!

This proved to be too much for me. So today I refused to exit the dayroom,
which is where an inmate gets his one hour recreation. It is just a large
cage with a table and pull-up bar.

A few minutes later Sgt. T comes to speak with me. I tell him my
problems and explain that I will not exit the dayroom.

He leaves and Lt. G arrives to talk to me. I once again repeat my
problems and the fact that I will not leave the dayroom.

He than goes to get a five man team to remove me from the dayroom.

After 30 minutes, they, being the team, finally show up.

Sgt. Tis armed with a 37mm grenade gun and a can of military grade
pepper spray. The grenade guns are supposed to be used in an open
environment, such as outside. The dayroom is inside of the Pod.

Thompson then fires the grenade at me! It explodes and gas goes everywhere.
It felt as if a propane torch was shoved down my throat with acid thrown I
my eyes.

I walk around getting used to the gas, when all of the sudden, I see them
getting ready to use the pepper spray.

I then ask them ‘Why the hell you gonna gas me with that s--t?’

I then get very p---ed off, because I become aware that they are trying to
cause me intentional harm.

So I grab a bottle full of water. When Sgt. T sprays me, I throw the
water bottle at him. It hit the dayroom bars and exploded.

I started to yell and cuss. I can’t remember what all I said, but I informed
them all of their ‘less than man status’.

The gate opened and the 5 man team rushed me.

The floor was slick from pepper spray and baby oil, which I placed to make
the team fall down. I can’t run because I will fall, though, only because of
the gas as I was standing in the only dry spot. But Sgt. T put a
quick end to that.

Well, the first man on the team is like 6’6” and about 300 lbs. I am 6’
even, 184 pounds. Not a good match up. More so, when he has a shield and 4
goons behind him, I decide to play brains over brute and dive for his feet!

He falls, I fall, we all fall! I know from experience that they will start
punching me. so I try to get a few blows myself. Keep in mind they have body
armor on! So my blows only land on bullet proof vests and helmets. It is
purely for psychological reasons that I even fight back.

Then the punches come and one asshole place his hand in the gas on the floor
and thought it would be a good idea to rub it in my eyes. He was pressing
his fingers in my eyes so hard that I have bruises on my eyelids! I didn’t
even think that was possible.

The bruises are mostly on only around my eyes. Though I do have a large bump
on the back of my head from a well placed knee.

They then stripped me in the puddle of gas! Meaning my entire frontal was
cover in pepper spray. ‘Everywhere!

This was done in front of 14 men in their cells that overlook the dayroom.
It was an attempt to dehumanize me and hurt my pride. I am far too secure
with myself to allow this to affect me as they wish.

They then place my boxer back on me, place all restraints on me and pick me
up.

We then leave and head on down to F-Pod.

Did what I did change my screwed up media visit? No! But that is not the
point.

The point is to stand for what I believe in. ‘If a man doesn’t stand for
something, he will fall for anything.’ By showing that I will go to an
extreme over an even that I was wronged by places in mind that it is not
wise to do this again.

I guess I will now just kick it with Mr. Cartwright and see what the future
holds.

I thank you for your time in reading this.

I leave as I came.

Very truly yours,
Clinton Y aka
‘Great Balls of Fire’ ;) “

Mrs. OB

02-14-2005, 02:31 PM

Thanks for sharing this. He writes well.

sclcookie

02-20-2005, 01:25 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright February 13, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

Paroled at last!!! Kinda!!! I found out on February 9th that I have been
scheduled to be executed on May 19, 2005!

This has thrown a slight glitch in this weeks Uncensored articles.

I have been moved off F-Pod to Death Watch.

I had a visit on February 11th, my 35th birthday, with my mother, daughter and fiance and had the displeasure to look into the eyes of the 3 people I love most in this world and tell them the news. The single most painfulthing I ever had to do.

H***, personally, I'm ready to leave this s***-hole cage and existence, butas I watched those eyes on the other side of the glass well-up with tearsand the frequent bathroom trips taken to cry...it broke my heart.

So revenge, not justice, is complete. The circle of innocent victims is complete!!

For those who would not call this revenge, you've never had to look into a loved ones eyes and tell them you are going to die!

The circle is surely complete.

Well, I have my letters to write to family and friends.

Those against the Death Penalty, please stay strong and keep on fighting.Too many innocent victims, far to many!

Still Standing Tall in Struggle

Rich Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

jeffsprincess

02-27-2005, 09:31 PM

As I read this, I got chills running all through my body. I just dont understand and I will never understand how such a supposed civilized country is so uncivilized. This makes me sick.

When Jeff first was charged, he was charged with first degree murder which carries the death penalty in the state of New York. I could not imagine. My thoughts go out to the families for they are the ones who are really suffering.

Capital Punishment is "society's revenge", plain and simple and it sickens me.

sclcookie

02-28-2005, 04:53 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright February 17 to February 18, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

February 17, 2005

It is Feb. 17, 2005, 11:35 a.m. and I'm standing on my rolled up mattress looking out my window waiting to see the Death Van show up Yes it is right here for all in Deathwatch to see.

How many times will I view this until my turn? Will anyone care enough to write about it?

I will watch Mr. Bagwell get loaded in the Death Van, handcuffed, shackled and chained.

On you execution day your visits end at 12 noon. A couple strip searches later you're loaded like the human sacrifice you are into the Death Van to go to the Walls' Unit and wait 'til 6 p.m. to be killed.

Oh, my bad, executed in the name of Justice! Yes, that sounds more flowery. I would not wish to offend the Politically Correct!!

My past “altercations” with Bagwell now come to haunt me. Before he left this morning for his last visit, he left me a bag full of commissary knowing I'm on Level II and starving (We were put on lock down yesterday; breakfast this morning was 1 peanut butter sandwich and a small piece of coffee cake; lunch, 1 corn dog and 1 peanut butter sandwich). Bagwell's last act of kindness to me has me feeling very small and shallow, as I should!!

Goes to show what we all already know. Life is too short, let go, forgive, move on. As my friend an extremely devoted Christian, George Andy Hopper, always says “Hey Chi-Town, what would Jesus do?” Think before you speak and act. Some words or actions you say and do hurt, no matter how many times you say you're sorry. You can't undo the hurt.

11:57 a.m.-
Still no sign of the Death Van!! I do not know if this is normal or not. I know Bagwell's visit is over at 12 noon. I would think 20 minutes later he would be stripped, chained and shipped out!!

My cell has both the view of the walkway to visitation and the Death Van Pick-up!!

Wow, 12:02 p.m. Here comes the Van! Modern-day Version of Death. Not a Horse with a sickle, but a van and some AK 47s!

It is now 12:06 p.m. and here comes Bagwell surrounded by Warden B, Major N, Lt. B, Sgt. P! They escorted him into 12 Building to be strip searched.

Death Row Warden J and about nine others are all standing by the back of the Death Van shaking hands and laughing and smiling like this is a happy social event!!

Warden B is back out there and all the others who have Metal on their collars (i.e. Maj, Capt. Sgt...).

Here comes 3 more. Maj. M, Lt. G and 1 more I don't know.

The Death Van Windows are tinted jet black. Even in direct sunlight, you cannot see in.

12:18 p.m.-
Here comes Bagwell being loaded into the van. There has to be 20 ranking officers out there...all, what, to take a hand in the hand-off.

12:20 p.m.-
The van leaves so clean, so efficient, too clean, too efficient.

I'm blacking out my window and laying down. Holla at y'all later.

February 18, 2005

Good morning to the masses!! Another day n paradise is gone and another man killed in the name of justice.

Dennis Bagwell was executed last night. I offer my sincere condolences to all his family, friends and loved ones.

I would like to comment on something I witnessed yesterday that has been on my mind ever since, well a few things, y'all know I can get “windy” with it!

Bagwell was brought out of his cage at 8:00 a.m. yesterday morning.

Now at 9:15 a.m., Property Room Officer H, C.O. Mrs. M and some other officer, I do not know, came to get Bagwell's property that he left behind for his family to pick up.

Well, Mrs. M, Mrs. Malicious M comes out of his cell dragging a 1/2 bag of property behind her like she is taking out the trash or something. She continued to drag his property behind her as she descended the 12+ steel steps down to one row.

Down right malicious, ignorant and hateful!!

I just cannot understand that! It ran me hot, very hot, but I said nothing. I bit my tongue and it has caused a nasty taste in my mouth ever since.

Just plain spiteful and ignorant.

The other thing sticking into my head was the 20 or so Wardens, Majors, Captains, Lieutenants, Sergeants, COs, 3, 4, 5's standing around gawking at Dennis being loaded into the Death Van; shaking hands and pats on the backs once the van leaves! “Congrats Jim-Bob, we gotta us another one off down yonder way with no problem!” It should not be so clean, so efficient.

I wish they could show this all on national TV!!! From 8 a.m. the day of the execution throughout the day until the execution takes place. At least make an attempt to make the death penalty the deterrent they claim it to be.

Hell, are we not extremely quick to show the Taliban's Public Executions to show the sick deadly monsters they are? Let's show Americans the American way of execution.

After all, it is so Humane! Humane Murder? Only in America!!!

Here is a fun fact about Texas! Humane Murders...did you know the 3 chemicals they inject in us used to be used nationwide to put suffering animals to sleep!! Yet many states have now stopped using the procedure because they say it causes intense pain and agony.

The reason no one can tell is this. One of the Chemicals used deadens your muscles, so as the other chemicals are eating your internal organs, attacking your lungs, heart...you lay in this intense pain but cannot express it!! Ha!Ha!Ha! What a cruel joke.

Though many states have decided this method is not humane enough to put the family dog asleep, it is just fine for Texas' Death Row Prisoners.

Alright, enough food for thought. I have a ton of mail to try and get out by Monday! The fight has just begun and I'm coming out swinging. I don't want to be put to “sleep” anytime soon and God Bless you all and Give you Peace!

In Struggle,
Rich Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351 I would be happy to sign any and all releases for my execution to be televised!!!!

octobriana

02-28-2005, 05:33 AM

OMG.I cannot believe Richard has to endure this countless times over and over.This is cruel and inhumane.This makes me sick.Really.I was part of Paul Colella's supporters and I know Richard was his very close friend.I got to know Richard through Paul's writings.Richard is caring,feeling,HUMAN!Does anyone know what legal avenues Paul took to get his sentence overturned?This was never made public.If what Paul did got him off death row maybe it could help Richard too.Paul is still serving a lot of time but one day he will be free.Richard deserves this too.

Schmusi34

02-28-2005, 06:34 AM

this is terrible :(

Anneliese

02-28-2005, 06:35 AM

My thanks to Rich for sharing this with us. I hope this gets the widest kind of exposure. People need to KNOW the inhumanity. It was extra hard for me reading this as he is writing mainly about my dear friend, Dennis but I am so glad he wrote such a detailed account. This barbarity has to STOP and the only way is for the people of Texas to know what is being done -IN THEIR NAME! How can such practices be taking place in a (supposedly) civilised country in the 21st century? I pray for Rich and all of them in that hell they call Polunsky

itscindergirl

02-28-2005, 08:47 AM

To read this sent chills down my back nothing can be as bad as watching something like that each time they take someone to die in the name of jesus. KNowing that one day it will be you that someone in your cell is watching happen. My friend newberry will oneday take that walk unless we can stop this senseless notion that we are doing the right thing by killing people. It makes me so sad to know the pain these men have to live with everyday oneday closer to going down that road knowing the ones that are doing this are patting each other on the back hi fiving each other if it was one of theirs do you think they could stand this I think not I am sick to my stomach.

jeffsprincess

02-28-2005, 11:28 AM

I first started reading Richard's piece's yesterday, and since then, I have not been able to get Richard and his family off of my mind.

I would love for someone to read this that is pro death penalty, then I would like to ask them what their opinion is now.

It saddens me to no end to think of all these men being tortured and then murdered in the name of rehabilitation! How sick, uncivilized, how inhumane, and I will say this, Only in America.......How we are views as such a civilized nation. Makes me sick.

babieboo

02-28-2005, 02:51 PM

Thank you once again for sharing. Everytime i read what you tell us i get so angry. It hurts thinking about the things you guys have to go thru everyday...its just not fair. I will keep you in my prayers.

shandygirl

03-01-2005, 02:18 AM

I too got chills when I read this article by Richard (and have done many times before with his articles). I have a very dear friend who I love deeply on TX DR who has been there for 15+ years. Many men have taken the same journey as Mr. Bagwell did who have been there a lot shorter time than my guy so needless to say I am worried. Everyday I walk with mixed joy and fear that there will be a letter, but will this be the one to tell me a date has been given? Richard's impending date has affected me in a way that I imagined my friend's will, I have never written to Richard but yet through reading his words feel like I could be losing a close friend in May. I can hardly imagine how I will feel when my guy steps up for his dance :(.
Suzanne I do understand that Richard is being bombarded with letters at this time and has neither the time or resources to take on new friends but if you could send him my love and thoughts from a friend in the UK and tell him to keep fighting and if the time comes (which I hope with every fibre of my soul doesn't happen) Don't go quielty we will be fighting for him from out here too.
In tears and Nauseated
Steph
PS needless to say we need to keep fighting for all these men, not just our loved ones and the ones like Richard who are widely known I will not stop fighting until the Row has been permanently closed in every State and every country.

Rachel

03-01-2005, 07:24 AM

Please pass on my thanks to Richard for this. I can't find the words, I'm gutted.

The Dennis we know was the one who would have given someone his last scrap of food.

God, I miss him.................:broken:

LIL'DARLIN

03-01-2005, 03:22 PM

THANK TOU RICH, FOR THE DETAILS OF DENNIS ON HIS LAST DAY. IT IS GREATLY ADMIRED AND APPRECIATED. THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE THAT LOVE AND MISS HIM. THANKS FOR SHARING THE DETAILS WE WOULD HAVE OTHER WISE NOT HAVE KNOWN. YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS.

LOVING AND MISSING HIM SO MUCH.:(

suzeg3

03-02-2005, 04:51 PM

Please pass on to richard that his words are heard and do mean something to those of us on the outside who love and pray for those on death row. What he is forced to see and endure is unimaginable. I am so happy to read that he has not given up, that he is going to keep fighting. He reminds me of the famous words of Winston Churchill: "Never, never, never give up"

ToAsTy

03-02-2005, 05:19 PM

Please pass on my thanks to Richard for sharing this with us, some day hopefully soon the world will see what type of inhumane society we really live in.

suzeg3

03-04-2005, 04:37 PM

I went to Mr. Cartwright's personal website and saw the photos of him with his little girl, I alos read what he had written to her in the event he dies. I have to say that I could not stop crying. My son sees his daddy behind glass too, but someday his daddy will come home. Why doesn't the DOC, or the system care about what they are doing to that sweet little girl?!

sclcookie

03-06-2005, 05:57 PM

Uncensored from Texas Death Row February 25, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

February 25, 2005

12 more days until the execution of George "Andy" Hopper!! He will be the
208th execution since my arrival here on the row.

Andy-Pandy, God, I love this guy. He is a great and close friend of mine.
I've known Andy for about 7 years and he has always remained the same.
Quiet, soft spoken, a sports nut and a dedicated Christian. Always quick to
lend anybody a hand at anytime.

Andy has been on the row since 1992 and he says he is ready to go. He is at
peace with God and has had enough. He even wrote his attorney and told him
not to file any last minute attempts to save his life!!

Wow!!! The power of "Polunsky Concentration Camp". He is ready and at peace,
but I'm not ready for him to die! Selfish? H*** yeah!!

I've asked Andy to write about how he feels and he keeps putting me off, but
I'm not done trying.

Y'all, please pray for Andy and his family.

14 more days from today Alexander Martinez, 999438, who dropped his appeals,
will be executed. State assisted suicide is all it really is.

This cage we live in was designed to break a man!! That was the purpose for
Super-Seg-Prisons! To break down prisoners who were always causing trouble;
assaulting officers, offenders, sexual assaults on both men and women,
constant rule breakers.

What do you say or can you say to Mr Martinez?? This ain't so bad?

S***, I can't tell him that lie. Really, I do not know the guy well enough
to say anything.

Mark my words, you will all see A LOT MORE APPEALS BEING DROPPED as time
goes on in this H***-Hole!!! Take that to the bank.

It's sad that death row is housed like this. I mean statistically death row
has a lot less disciplinary incidents than the same amount of population
prisoners have. What I'm trying to say is there is approx., What? 450 D.R.
Prisoners. If you take any group of 450 population prisoners and compare
disciplinary write-ups, death-row would have a whole lot less!!

Once again though, every dropped appeal saves the State of Texas hundreds of
thousands of dollars! Not a bad trade off at all.

In his Feb. 2005 State of the Union address, President Bush stated:

"Because one of the main sources of our national unity is our belief in
equal justice, we need to make sure Americans of all races and backgrounds
have confidence in the system that provides justice.

In America we must make doubly sure no person is held to account for a crime
he or she did not commit---so we are dramatically expanding the use of DNA
evidence to prevent wrongful conviction.

Soon I will send to Congress a proposal to fund special training for defense
counsel in capitol cases because people on trial for their lives must have
competent lawyers by their side."

I say this "President Bush has enough pretty words do make s*** smell like
roses!!" Ok, sorry about that, not really :(.

I would like to now focus on the 3rd quote I have listed. Now here, down
yonder way, Texas does not quite see things this way. The right to effective
counsel....almost an oxymoron to an indigent defendant in Texas. In the
State of Texas a Defendant in a Capitol Case is only entitled to effective
counsel at their initial trial and on direct appeal. After that, we are
entitled do counsel, but is HAS BEEN UP UPHELD IN COURT (this was and is a
ruling) THAT COUNSEL DOES NOT HAVE TO BE EFFECTIVE!!! What kind of backwater
c*** is that?

Yes, you get your appeals, but like President Bush's words, it's just so
much fluff, no substance.

Why even give us the appeals process in the 1st place? I mean save
everybody's time and money...if you are found guilty, just grab a rope, the
accused and hang 'em high? I mean let's call a spade a spade and stop the
charade that this magalomaniacal system has been putting on for far too
long.

My frustration is almost enough to make me lose my mind. It is all out
there, up front, for all to see, yet no one sees it! The system of Capitol
Punishment in Texas is designed to fail. There are no rich people on Texas
Death row, that's fact!!!! So justice is for the rich and wealthy and always
has been I suppose.

I mean even if one does believe in capitol punishment, how can they put
their support behind a system so utterly riddled with flaws and
inconsistency?

I guess it would hurt too much to take too close a look at the Capital
Punishment System in Texas. It would be an utter embarrassment to say the
least. Too many lives and lies have been swept under the carpet or into the
corners. Too many skeletons in to many politicians' closets, I'm sure. Life
has become so cheap herein Texas. I will say this though, even with all the
frustration, aggravation, the bouts of self pity and watching man after man
be executed, each on making my May 19th reality that much more clearer to
me.

I have been awestruck with y'all's overwhelming love and support out there.
Wow!! Thank you all for your kind word and caring hearts. They have meant so
much to me. I keep wanting to trip and fall, but every time that happens
another hand is there to help me up.

I have received stacks of e-mails and so many supportive cards, notes and
letters and every last one of them has touched me deeply, not only me, but
my family and love ones, also.

There was an e-mail that hurt me very much, but at the same time lifted me
up and touched my heart. It was an e-mail from 2 sisters who were very close
friends to Nick Moraida's (the man I stand accused of murdering) son, who
was 13 at the time. They explained how they watched as Mr. Moriada's murder
tore up that family and especially Nick's son. He was forced due to
circumstances, or fall-out, I don't know the proper words, but he left out
of Corpus Christi with a family member and once again had to say goodbye to
loved ones and trusted friends.

There is more, but you can get a glimpse of the whole picture and all the
pain and suffering that the entire Moraida family has suffered.

Out of curiosity, these 2 sisters got on the "net" and have been reading up
on the situation and all the twists and turns and are now praying for me,
but more importantly, for Ricki Marie and the rest of my family.

I want to say a special thank you to the 2 of you and thank you so much for
sharing all your thoughts and feelings with me. they came across true and
strong. I'm sorry that y'all were effected by Nick's murder.

It is amazing the extent in which death reaches out with it's cold hands and
all the lives it effects.

I'm sorry that the 2 of you went through the pain and suffering that you
did, just as I am truly sorry for all the pain and suffering of the entire
Moraida family and friends. This is a sincere apology. If I only
knew....then what I know now.

To all the wonderful people who have written me in these past few weeks,
thank you so very much. I wish I could write you all back and will do my
best to at least send thank-you notes. I owe you that much. Please be
patient with me. It seems my impending date with death has really lit a fire
under a lot of peoples butts to get up and speak out on my behalf. Please
keep on sending your letters and please to the powers-to-be, maybe, just
maybe it will fall in the right pair of ears. Y'all are really keeping my
hope alive and with hope and faith all things are possible.

Now on the other side of that coin, innocent people have been executed in
Texas before and no doubt will again. If May 19th takes my life, please,
please remember this; there are 450 plus men and women on death row. How
many more innocent and guilty have fallen prey to this ludicrous judicial
system? How many??

Again there are good and bad on death row, as there are good and bad
anywhere, right? There are many, oh very many fights left to fight after me.
Please keep the zealous spirit you have now. That is the only way change
will come about.

Even if someone reading this is pro-death penalty, can you say you feel
secure that no innocent men have been executed in Texas?

The system is designed to fail. The safeguards (appeals) are a mockery to
anyone with common sense. WE ARE NOT, BE COURT RULING, GUARANTEED COMPETENT
COUNSEL!!!! The question is, why, with our lives on the line, are we not
guaranteed competent counsel? How unfathomable a thought!!!

Let me move on!

We are all still on lock-down, today, Feb. 25, 2005, makes 10 days. 10 days
of peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast and dinner. The last week we have
been given 1 hot meal a day, either at lunch or dinner time.

I feel bad for all those warriors on Level II and III on F-Pod! I know they
are starving to death down there. They drink so much water to curve the
hunger pains and than cannot sleep though the night because every time they
doze off, they wake up to pee!

I know, I've been on F-Pod during shake-down before.

Loki, Lizerd, Tool, Chili, Hank, SouJa, Freddi, K-Loc and all the rest down
there, hang in there, lock down is only a day or 2 away from being over.

Being Level II, as I am, has a few advantages being on death watch, well on
advantage. My dawgs on Level I have been feeding my hungry a** with their
commissary :). Truth be told, though, I'd much rather be starving on F-Pod
without an execution date, OBVIOUSLY :(.

Oh, Capt. W. is up to his old tricks, again. He has now decided
death row prisoners are no longer allowed to wear the gym shoes, $39.95, nor
the Rhino boots, $25, that they buy with their own money off commissary, to
their visits any longer, but must wear some slip-on state supplied a**
b*******. Why? Just to be a jerk, I suppose.

I really do not think the Captain likes the fact that a woman, Major N.,
is above him in the Chain-of-Command. He is truely lost in the dark-ages
obviously. It is a power struggle, he cannot win, but keeps pursuing.

First he tried to say we can no longer even buy boots. Now we can buy them,
but can't wear them to visit??

This man is a buffoon, a laughable excuse for a man for sure. So insecure in
his own manhood, he cannot take orders from a woman without feeling upset or
demeaned.

Hey Capt.!!! Wake up fella, it is 2005 and we will have a female President
by 2010 if the right candidate runs. Hey, L, yes you M, do you
remember telling me you were gonna be the 1st female president when you were
just knee-high to a grasshopper? Come-on, cousin, you remember!!!) Anyway,
now I'm babbling.

Oh, yes, my "Giddly Mate" from down under wrote me again with very
encouraging and fiery words to keep my spirits blazing right along. No you
don't have to ever worry about me giving up or giving in. Of course I will
stand tall, with the help of people like you, K. I cannot fall down. I
can stumble as we all know by now, but y'all support picks me right back up.

P, my Brother in Ireland! Man, great to hear from you, finally! I
understand about the screwed up post so don't sweat it. Thanks for all the
photos, especially, the one of Shaun. What a little trooper. I'll write you
within the next few week, bro!!

Another week in paradise gone. Another week closer to death for not only me,
but for every man on death row, EVERY SINGLE ONE!!! Uncensored From Texas
Death Row is opened to any prisoner here on death row wanting to speak out
about anything. If any of y'all out there have pen-pals, encourage them to
speak out. [Note from Suzanne: Please be prepared to type said articles from
your pen-pals Rich mentioned then e mail them to me. Thanks.] If we on death
row are to disconcerned to help ourselves, how can we expect y'all to put
forth the effort! Freedom of speech, TDCJ has not YET taken that right away
form us, I repeat not yet!!!

Thank you, every last on of you for tuning in and hopefully talking out.
Please keep my family, friends and myself and the rest of the men and their
families on the row in your thoughts and prayers. Sincere thanks once again
to all of you!!

Keeping the Fight Alive
(with much help)
Richard Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

Anneliese

03-07-2005, 07:21 AM

Many thanks again to Rich - and to Suzanne - for these accounts, which deserve - and demand - as wide an audience as possible. I truly believe that if more people knew what actually goes on in hellholes such as Polunsky it could make a real difference. Films such as 'Dead Man Walking' and 'The Life of David Gale' aroused some public opinion at the time but how much more powerful are Rich's eyewitness accounts as they are being delivered - here and now.

Kyla

03-07-2005, 02:14 PM

Anneliese
I agree there, with movies like dead man walking and the Life of David Gale, they talk about the death penalty, but they dont take you behind the scenes of what really goes on and what these men endure each day. I must admit, sometimes Richards stories are hard to read, as the impact of what goes on there makes me want to cry, its just pure torture, a slow death they are living.

babieboo

03-07-2005, 05:54 PM

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR SHARING. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.

Anneliese

03-08-2005, 03:02 AM

Kyla
You are so right. And this is why some welcome death. We know Alexander Martinez wants it and Dennis said it was far preferable to the prospect of being in Polunsky till he was '80 or 90'. I am no expert - but surely there are breaches of human rights going on in Polunsky (and probably elsewhere in other states which still support the barbarism of the DP). I cannot think that the humiliation and systematic dehumanisation which these guys endure on a daily basis - along with the near starvation during the regular lock downs and many other horrors which Rich so graphically describes in his articles - could stand too close a scrutiny under the terms of, say, the Geneva Convention. Has anyone tested this, in the Supreme Court, for example?

shimmer29

03-08-2005, 08:48 AM

I may be wrong about this, but I think the Geneva Convention applies to war-time captures & how prisoners of war are treated. That's why our government has been successful at holding people at GitMo for years without charges because, technically, these people weren't captured during war-time.

Anyone else know more about this?

Anneliese

03-08-2005, 11:29 AM

Thanks for clarifying that, shimmer. I expect you are right. In the UK - and all over Europe - the European Court of Human Rights exists to legislate over such matters but, again, that would not apply to the States. It just seems they will continue to get away with State endorsed murder until the 'will of the people' in those States is sufficiently strong to put governors with blood on their hands out of office - or at least to threaten to!

vim1946

03-08-2005, 12:49 PM

I have worked for the Air Force for 22 1/2 years -- the Geneva Convention refers to the treatment of Prisoners of War.

Anneliese

03-08-2005, 02:04 PM

Thanks vim1946 and apologies for my ignorance! I just get so mad - in common with most of us I know - and just feel there must be some way of stopping this senseless slaughter. Thank you for correcting me though

Kyla

03-08-2005, 02:40 PM

Well I cant see the difference between Polunksy Death row and a prisoner of war, but as stated, it wouldnt work :( It would be great if it did though.
The Vienna convention is used for international treaties and law in other countries, so that wouldnt work either.

vim1946

03-08-2005, 03:58 PM

Kyla -- it basically is used for prisoners taken in an armed conflict in a formally declared war. I agree with you but you and I know that it wouldn't work in Texas!

kmlchitown

03-09-2005, 01:53 AM

well something needs to work in texas , yes some of the men are naughty but no one should every be treated as bad as those men are , god bless them all

suzeg3

03-10-2005, 07:43 AM

Many, many thanks to Rich for his writings. I wish the state, the courts the powers that be that want to execute this man could see the photos of him visiting with his beuatiful little girl. How could they look in to that sweet little face and tell her they are taking her daddy away!

sclcookie

03-25-2005, 08:42 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright March 01, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005 (http://www.1prison.com/rcuncensoreddate.html)

March 1, 2005

Never has flipping over a month on my wall calendar held such a significant meaning to me. Reality is a kick, eh?

Well, once again, Good morning to you and thank you for once again checking in to read my ramblings.

I would like to, for once, start this off with some terrific news. At a little after 4 a.m. this morning, I was listening to my radio when I heard that the courts ruled that : “It is no longer considered constitutional to give the death penalty to juvenile offenders!” That means 28 men on death row will be headed out to general population.

What a kick to the teeth of Texas injustice, eh?

Of course those hard-core death penalty believers will cry foul.....Like someone having to spend the rest of their entire life in this shit-hole-system until they rot and die is not enough.

Think about that mentality for a minute.

Too bad TDCJ does not have my birthday down as 02/11/1980, eh? I believe they have it as 02/11/1976! Ha! Ha! It really is 02/11/1970!! Damn, if they want to mess it up, lets go with the 80's version, eh? Can't get that lucky, I suppose.

28 men!!!!

The other day, I got a very disturbing kite from Ghost. I know y'all remember Ghost, right? He is the youngster who handcuffed himself to his cell door on F-Pod! The “Sorry, Sir” and Yes, Sir”, “No, Sir” guy. Always extremely polite.

Well, it seems that Ghost finally decided to fade-the-team. (I always told him not to; he is only about 140 lbs.) Seems that the goon-squad fractured hid cheekbone, bruised his eyeball!! There is absolutely no reason 5 men in body armor had to go to that extreme level of violence to subdue a man who weights 140 lbs! No Way, No How! Never!!!

Now this all took place on F-Pod, I would guess, about 10 days or so ago. Ghost did say he was going to write a detailed account of all that lead up to the run-in and the run-in itself.

Ghost also mentioned about how P C, through his Uncensored, organized for protester to meet out in front of the prison with pick sings about trying to stop the abusive treatment of DR prisoners. It truly was an affective tool against the administration.

At first the TDCJ tried to have the protesters ARRESTED!!! Ha! Ha! Yes, TDCJ thought it owned the PUBLIC STREET, also!!!

Something to keep in mind to organize for the future??

Ghost also asked “if they get you” what happens to “Uncensored from Texas Death Row”???

Wow!! I would hope someone who is honest and has integrity enough to “keep it real” would take over.

“Uncensored from Texas Death Row” was silent for far too long after P C went to population.

Truth is I was somewhat intimidated to get out here like this. I figured the man reason Uncensored was so successful was because Paul was so articulate. Truth is people are curious and people care.

It is hard to sometime remember that the whole world does not share the attitude that TDCJ has towards us as the heartless cold blooded killers. I mean, I've been treated like less than a man for so long, it starts to take hold.

Just like a bad parent who always calls their kid “stupid”. After a while the kid will believe he is stupid.

I really do try my best to not be too bias in what I write. Of course what I write, I write my perspective. How I see something, or how I may feel might not be the “right way” or “correct way”, but “my way”.

I want what I report to have substance. I try my best to express my feelings to where y'all can hopefully relate someone, what to our plight here on the row. It is just that our world is so very different than anything y'all have ever experienced and hopefully never will have to experience anything like this.

Now I have a letter to share with y'all written by Alexander Martinez, 999438, who dropped his appeals and will be executed on 03/10/2005!

By Alexander Rey Martinez, 999438:

“' THE COUNT DOWN'

I know that a lot of people probably don't know who I am, yet. Many people know my name simply because of allowing the State to proceed with my execution without a fight. This has compelled me to write this article for anyone who has the interest in knowing why a man would allow his own execution to proceed.

My name is Alexender Rey Martinez. I'm 28 years old and have less than 10 days 'til my execution day.

Lately I have been getting a lot of mail form people wondering why I have waived my appeals, some offering friendship, some just sending a warm thought letting me know that they are praying for me......

So, I hope that what I share with you all here, that you may understand a little of what is going on in my mind and the way I see things. But one thing I hope you don't have to do is come to the decision I have come to where you feel you are backed into a corner, that you would prefer to end everything.

A lot of the men on the row plea innocence and hide behind a mask disguising their true identity. I am not one of them. I have accepted full responsibility for my actions. The only thing I can say honestly about what was done to me at my trial that was illegal was that a DA lied to convict me on a Capitol Murder charge. I could get into that, but will only say that an inmate was offered a sweet deal to testify for the DA saying that I confided in him that I intentionally assaulted and robbed the said victim when in fact I did no such thing. I never disputed that I was guilty, because from the beginning, I admitted to what I dod. The DA wasn't happy that the only punishment I would get under a murder charge was life sentence.

So now that I have been convicted and sentenced to die, I started to wonder is there any truth in the Justice System where your rights will be protected full? I know that in Texas it's not all about fair justice, but how much money you have to buy your way out of you predicament.

I was 17 years old when I was first introduced to the system. I was sentenced to 7 years for an Attempted Murder charge. I was guilty for that crime. I did 6 1/2 years on that sentence and so I can say that I have enough experience to speak on how life in prison is.

The system is being designed in such a way that little by little they are striping you dignity away. Rules designed and implemented to where you breath wrong and that is a major infraction, making it harder for parole to be granted. Any little thing and you are breaking rules. You are restricted wholly! You are not living a life, but simply existing!

That is one of the reasons, here, the other one is that I know myself and I know that I have may flaw characteristics as we all know that we are not perfect. I am deeply ashamed for the things I have done in the past, putting my family through a lot, and hurting people emotionally and physically.

I really don't consider myself a violent individual, yet I'm not opposed to it when I feel that it's the last result.

I don't claim to be a religious man nor do I claim to be a changed man. I do claim to be refining myself to be a better man.

I know that if I am in this environment, I don't think that I can get very far in bettering myself because of the constant harassment, the unnecessary rules and the inmates who contribute to the cause of these confinements.

I am not making excuses because it could be that I am not strong enough to better myself under these conditions, maybe deep inside I don't want to change.

I really don't know, but I know that right now as I write these word down, I don't want to be what I have come to be in this life. I don't want to simply exist in this life. I want to live a life where I have free will and choices to make for myself. I know that the only life I can look forward to in life is either a life sentence or be executed somewhere down the line instead of now.

Those are the two choices I have, or the possibilities that can happen. I have nothing to live for. I do not have any kids and family hasn't been there very often only when the spot light is shined upon me for something and then they all come out of the woodwork.

All my life I have been controlled by pressure from others or by my own desires. I don't want to be the victim of other, nor the victim of my own inactions because of allowing myself be a part of oppression from the State.

Death is very much appealing to me that I can not let it pass me up if I can help it. I now take control of my present reality, after all, we all must die someday, the question is when. The difference is that I know the exact day and time I will die.

And so since I received my date and 'the count down' had begun, I have had a lot of time to think about everything I have done to others and basically about what to expect to see after I die, wondering what to expect when I get to The Walls. I have asked questions to those who have made it over there and returned back, almost like coming back from the dead, because everyone who usually goes over there don't normally come back.

I search for truth and answers in everything I encounter. I yearn for that knowledge.

I have come to the conclusion that in order to find the truth in anything you seed is to simply be a part of the situation, because everyone is different in seeing the way things are, in their own eyes, they may not see things as they are.

I know on the 10th day, I will have my visits and visit with whom has stayed by my side through all this, who has supported me in my decision I have made. I will be escorted out of the visiting room at about 12:00 p.m. and strip searched and be given new clothes to wear to the Walls Unit.

I have seen how a lot of rank stand by the gate waiting for you to come out hand-cuffed and shackled down and placed into the van.

Once I get to the Walls I will be processed in, and after all is done, I have my last meal. At 6:00 p.m. I will walk to the Death Chamber and be strapped down awaiting for the witnesses to come into the viewing room.

I can't say what my thoughts or feelings will be like, because after all this is the first time I have experienced something like this. But I would think my thoughts will be something like wondering what will I feel, what will I see the moment I am ceasing to exist?

As the witnesses come into the viewing room and everything is ready to start, I know that I will look at the victims family and to my friends. I will get ready to say what I want to say which will be something like this:

'There was no justification for what I did. I am ashamed for what I did and I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words.'

I will look at my friends and 'thank' them 'for being by my side through all this, and who throughout my life I have hurt my family and friends with actions. I wish not to do that any more...........'

I will then let the warden know that I'm ready and as he lets them know to begin with the lethal dow of SODIUM THIOPENTAL, PANCURONIUM BROMIDE & POTASSIUM CHLORIDE.

I know that I will be thinking about everyone I have encountered throughout my life and everything I have done in life. I hope that I have enough strength to look at my friends s the seconds count down and I begin to lose consciousness.

I will reach for God's hand. I will reach for the heavens, 'til I feel God's perfected presence and when he takes a-hold of my soul, I will then know for sure that there is no more pain and suffering I will have to endure and most of all......

AT LAST, AT LAST!!
'I AM FREE!!!'”

I can't say I agree with Alex's reasoning, but I do respect it. Good luck Alex!

Good luck?? Yeah, I know, but what can I say? What words?? State Assisted Suicide!!! That's all I can call it!! That is how I see it!! I don't like it and I don't agree with it!!!

At about 10:15 a.m. this morning I had a visit from Warden A. It seems that he read what I wrote about what I saw out my window the day they loaded Bagwell into the death van (02/17/2005, 12:06 p.m.). As you may recall I thought the hand shaking and back clapping was kind of a celebration.

Warden A told me that he cannot imagine what it looks like from my window. He also stated that yes, they shake hands....he said the guys out there , he has know for up to 20 years, working his way through the system, college....to become Warden. He also said “yes, we crack jokes and try to lighten up the otherwise heard situation.” He also stated cracking of jokes is NOT about what is happening either.

We live in 2 different world, Warden A and I, but at the same time we live in the same world.

His words seemed sincere enough to me. Than again he has been in the game a long time so who knows.

I wrote what he told me as a way for y'all to see it from another perspective, to try and balance the view points out. I just can't help but think and feel the process is too neat and clean!! I often wonder why every single execution in Texas does not get the Abolish Movement support Karla Tucker or Gary Graham received. Why do some executions merit the outrage and others don't? Is on man/woman's life more important than the next? Will my execution merit a crowd? Should it? How about Andy Hopper on th 8th of March? Alexander Martinez on the 10th of March?

Hell, I would love them to make my execution a television special, eh? I mean it is such a “humane murdering process”. I think it should be televised! You want deterrent, that would be a good dose of reality to all up and coming criminals, eh?

I'm serious, why not! It is American Justice. Clean and efficient!! Just show me the release form to sign and I will sign it.

As you can tell I have not much faith in justice prevailing. I keep hope alive, but I'm a realist! I hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

If they don't want a televised murder, how about using me for an organ harvest. Seriously, I'm extremely healthy and my organs could be used to give life to someone dying!! It would make my death count for something and not be a waste.

They say I took a life....now let me give back a life or 2 or 3 or 4!

Than again if they agreed to that would that not show the world that I'm not this heartless cold blooded killer, but a man who feels and a man who cares!!! I would seriously agree to either of the above options if it comes down to that.

These are not just empty words. This is how I feel I guess I'm just scared to slip away clean and efficient-like if I'm to be honest with you.

Have I mae a good difference in peoples' lives? How many? Other than family, how many will be glad when I'm gone? 35 years of life!! What difference did I make in this world? Good or bad?

Okay, now I'm just rambling on. Let me get this in the mail.

Speaking of mail...this mail-room is very out of control! I got letters post marked 10 days apart from the same place at the same time. I received a letter from my mom written on Feb. 25 saying she has not heard from me since our visit on the 12th of February. I wrote her Feb. 14th, 17th, 21st and the 28th, so how come she has not heard from me?

I guess I will have to start to carbon copy all my letters and keep my own record through legal mail with my attorney.

I would thing being on death watch the mail-room would stop playing their usual , par for the course, games they have been playing for the past 5 years. It is absolutely outrageous the about of B.S. one goes through just to get their mail on time.

Thanks once again for all you caring enough to tune in.

In Struggle
and Solidarity,
Richard Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

The following is a special addition from William Berkley, 999224 AKA Ghost for "Shy-Town":

What's up Shy-Town! This is Ghost (William Berkley #999422) here everybody. Thanks for having me on your Uncensored site again dearest buddy old pal!!! HaHa!

I got another f***ed up article for y'all. This time it's about me getting run in on and sent to the hospital.

So here goes my story fold. On 02/16/2005, we were on lock-down, a routine lock-down. And they inappropriately confiscated my books, magazines, mirror and deodorant and soap.

Now I was and still am on Level III for threatening an officer which I did do because he made a racial comment about my friend who hung himself the day before. (I wrote an article about that too.)

Now I've been told by someone who wishes to remain anonymous that the reason they took my stuff was because of the previous article I wrote about my friend hanging himself.

Now I don't know if that is true or not so don't hold me to it. All I know is this, they took my stuff and everyone else I talked to says they still have their's. Ain't that interesting???!!!

Well, I tried talking to Sgt. S and Lt. G and these two Mother F***ers flat out lied to me, try and tell me policy changed.

So I asked for the I.O.C.? They are supposed to inform us of all changes in policy and give us proper time to get in compliance. He tells me we didn't have time to print them out so I know he's full of shit.

Now it is possible that a rule change could happen regarding the books.

Now this Sgt. S tells me you can't have your hygiene? No. I know that rule ain't and never will change.

So I try talking to them for 2 days.

Then on Friday, 02/18/2005, I jacked the cuffs. (That's when they undo one cuff and before they take the other off, you jerk your arm in you cell so they can't get it.)Well, I ended up getting the cuffs and the handcuff key!

And Officer D. W said “Give me the key. Give me the keys! Keep the cuffs just give me the keys back.”

So I say “Okay, but only because I'm trying to work with you and meet y'all in the middle”.

So, I unlock the cuffs and set them on the sink and give the key back.

I tell White my beef about the property and tell him it's nothing personal against him. He says “I feel you”.

Well, Sgt. P came down and I explained to him the problem and tell him I'm not giving up the cuffs until I get my property, or at least my hygiene. I've got nothing to shower with.

He says “No, you give me the cuffs. I'll look into your stuff.”

Well, now Sgt. P has lied to me once. He kept his word once and he lied once. Now folks, to my experience, here on the row, every time an officer says “I'll look into it”, nothing ever happens. You always end up stuck out weeks later.

So I tell Sgt. “I cannot give you the cuffs.”

So he starts telling me I cannot hold guards hostage. I say “I ain't hold guards hostage. I'm holding handcuffs hostage.”

So he burns off and about 10 minutes later Lt. B comes to talk to me and asks what the problem is. So I explain it to him all over again.

Now by this time I'm mad. I already got it set in my head I will not give the cuffs back until I at least get hygiene. I ain't spending 4 days in the cell again without my shit again.

Last time I jacked the cuffs and handcuffed myself to the door, then jacked the run. So I blow B off. I tell him I ain't giving up the cuffs.

Now here is where I fucked up. I f***ed up because I ain't never dealt with Lt. B before. So I didn't even give him a chance to keep his word. But does that justify a trip to the hospital for 5 days? I think not!!!

At least I'm willing to admit I f***ed up, but wait until you hear the rest of this run-in.

Now where was I. Oh, yes.

Shy-Town, my friend. He's this old man, but he's a good dude. OH WAIT! Wrong story! The run-in!

So I blow Lt. B off and they go and get the team. Now I've gotten my legal and clothes pre-packed the night before.

While the team is getting ready, I grab my mat and set it on my bunk so it is in an upside down “L” shape, then I put my pillow and blankets in the corner to make a big cushion on the side opposite the desk and self.

Now people, you have to understand I am no a big dude at all. I am 5'11” and around 150 lbs., when I am on Level I. On Level II, we cannot buy food, so you end up losing weight. After this UOF (Use of Force), I found out at the time, I was 136 lbs. So you out there reading this can clearly see I am not a big dude at all. All the people here on the row that know me can back my word on that, too! I'm a little dude!

I figured when the lead man hits me with that shield I'm a go flying!

I figured point man on the team is at least 220-250 lbs., maybe more. Every other dude is between 180 and 220 lbs. at my guess.

The team is the following guards: W, D, D. W, P, and C and Mrs. S on the video camera. Every UOF is video taped.

The team gets here and I'm ready for my very first run-in. I got a state-issued jumper and state-issued shoes. No boxer, nothing else that's it. I did that in case they cut my clothing off, this way, they cut the state-issued stuff and not my commissary bought stuff. I've been told by others who have faded the team that every now and then, TDCJ likes to strip an inmate butt-naked and put him in an empty cell like that after a UOF. I've also seen it done to my friend Lizerd (his spelling, not mine).

Well, the team gets here and Sgt. P will be doing the gassing.

Now I turn my back to the cell door and turn my upper body facing the door so I could see them. I did this that way so when they spray the gas, I could turn quickly and get hit by the gas in the back and not the face.

So I got my little homemade gas mask (a wet folded-up state-issued sock) so I can at least half-ass breath.

Well, Sgt. Poole, then gives the following direct order:

“Offender Berkley, you are hereby ordered to relinquish the hand-restraints and submit to a strip search or the Use of Force of a 5 man team and chemical agents will be utilized.”

How sweet! They sound all professional for the camera!!!

Well, folks, I disobeyed this order and he gassed the f*** out of me!!! As soon as he opened the slot, I seen the can and I turned all the way around and the gas came rushing in and that spray can was loud as f***.

Now let me say a few things about this gas, people. It is an orange pepper stray type called L510 that burns the f*** out of your skin.

Now while I'm burning up, this gas does not stop coming. I squinted my eyes and I could literally see it going by and feel it burning my back, 1/2 of my body.

This took forever to quit and I'll tell you why. I've been told by various people, guards and inmates that only a 2 or 3 second burst of gas is to be used at a time. Well, another inmate named Y (C Y, 999***) told me he counted seconds to that first burst of gas and it was 6 to 7 seconds. Double what policy states.

Let me ask you people, is that excessive use of force???

Now back to the run-in.

After that spray finally stops, I peek over my shoulder with my eyes squinted shut to see the door and the Sgt. shuts the slot and we wait 5 minutes. During these 5 minutes, my back is burning like a mother f***er and I still got my gas mask up to my face.

Well, Sgt. P gives the 2nd order to give up the cuffs. I just stood there.

Then the slot opens and I turn my upper-half away again and I'm waiting for the gas and it's real quiet like spray that went on for a long time also.

Well, I'm thinking, why was that spray so quiet? I know he didn't use a whole can? What gives?

Well, the spray finally stops (again, I was told by Young it was another 6-7 second burst) and I hear the slot close so I turn to peek over my shoulder and I got my eyes squinted like earlier and OH MY F***ING GOD! My eyes started burning like a mother f***er and I immediately snapped to what my friend Lizerd told me, “The loud one is L510, the quiet one is CS587!”

I can't see s*** and I'm trying to feel around to know which way I'm facing.

Now I hit my right knee on the toilet so I know I was at least facing the right way.

Okay, hold on, let me tell you people about this gas CS587. To my understanding, it's fairly new. TDCJ has only used it a small handful of times. Only a Captain or above can authorize use, and it sucks the oxygen out of the room. That's why you can't open your eyes. Your eyes have a certain amount of moisture which requires oxygen to stay open. I read that in Discover Science Almanac. Without that moisture, your eyes shut and blink trying to get your tear glands going to create that moisture.

We are trying to find out as much about this gas as we can. So anyone out there with any knowledge of it, please let us know.

Ok, back to the run-in.

I hit my right knee on the toilet trying to get oriented and somehow I fucked up and turned all the way around so my back was to the door again.

Now I was waving my left arm around trying to feel the wall or something so I would know which way I was facing.

Then my hand hit the shelf and I froze to figure out which way I was facing.

As I started to feel for what was the shelf, then another inmate yelled “they're coming in, get ready!” (Now this other inmate did give me permission to use his name, but he ain't here to read this so I don't feel it right to use his name without letting him read it first.)

Now, I snapped and immediately know I was facing the wrong way because I only have 30% hearing in my right ear so when they yell my name it sounds muffled, but when he yelled, it was crystal clear!

Now mind you this is all happening in seconds.

Right when he yelled, I immediately turned to the right and got hit by the shield and went flying into all my cushions! I tried to get up, but they half-assed dog piled me. They way I landed was face down, but my knees were on the grounds and I was bent over the bunk on top of my cushions.

Now the officer on my right got my are hooked elbow to elbow. I tried to elbow him and flip around. Yes, I elbowed him! I got five 200 pound mother fuckers in full riot gear and gas masks run-in swinging, you can bet I'm swinging back, or at least trying too.

Well, since he got my elbow hooked now and got my right arm behind my back, the dude on my left is punching all over my back, ribs and arm. And he got my arm behind my back and I got cuffed.

Now, they done yelled “stop resisting” twice. I'm cuffed, so I'm thinking, it's over. Well, I thought wrong.

Remember, how I landed on my knees bent over the bunk? Well, they got me cuffed and pulled me all the way down to the floor and I had my chin on the floor so my eyes wouldn't get anymore gas from the floor.

I felt 2 hands grab my head and turn it so my left side of my face was on the floor and the hands were on top and on the back of my head. The one on back never left but the top on left and I could still open my eyes only for brief seconds because of the gas and BAM BAM BAM! I was punched 3 times in the face.

Then the hand on top of my head was there again and BAM, I got kneed'd in the face and the hand on top of my head disappeared and BAM! I got punched in the nose and I felt the hand on my head again and BAM! Knee'd again and BAM, punched in the right eye while I was handcuffed.

Now I was quiet until those first 3 punches hit and at that point, I started screaming “I am not resisting! I am not resisting!” over and over.

Then, all of a sudden I was standing up. I was dizzy and I felt like I was going to have a seizure (I do have epilepsy and ADHD) and blood was coming out both my nostrils but mainly my right side.

Then we started moving and I could tell I was staggering but the officers at my sides were guiding me.

I could only open my left eye briefly before the gas would start burning again and everything was pitch black on the right side.

I was blinking my left eye sort of. I kept opening it but I was missing pieces. I remember seeing the outside Rec. yard door and hearing a male voice on my right say “gate” then I heard a female voice say “oh, my God”.

The next time I was able to open my left eye there was a tile floor. Then it went black again.

At the time, I remember asking whoever was on my right side why I can't see, but got no response.

Then in the distance behind us, I believe it was Sgt. Poole say “put him in the cage” and a female voice, I assume was the nurse say “Oh, now, he's going to have to go to the hospital. He's bleeding bad.”

And Poole said “Take him to 10 Building”.

Then we walked for a long long long time. Well, it seemed that way. I remember there was a tile floor, then black, then a tile floor, then black, a tile floor, then it got cold as f*** all of the sudden and there was a red carpet, then a cement floor then black, then a cement floor, then it was warm and there was a tile floor again. And a couple of times after that there was a tile floor then they told me to sit on something but it was too high up and they picked me up and set me on it. I assume it was the little doctor bed at the clinic.

The nurse asked me to open my right eye. I said “It is open, but I can't see.” (It was actually swelled shut.) She then said again, “He's going to have go to to the hospital.”

Now due to the length of this story I have decided to cut it short here and make this a two part article. The damage done by the team was a fractured right cheekbone and my eyeball was bruised. The whit part of my eye was literally black.

I will finish the rest of the story in a part two article. I decided to cut it short because I am already on the 10th page and I don't want to take too much space of my good friend Mr. Cartwright's web-page, because unfortunately, he has an execution date and he has priority because of that.

So to all you people out there reading, save it, print it out or memorize it, so you can read it and part 2 together so you can get the whole story.

But before I go, I do have something to get off my chest Shy-Town. That something is to you, my friend.

We met on 01/06/2005. I remember, I saw you in the day room and you were talking to Lizerd. Then a day or so later, Lizerd hollered down to you and said “Ghost is a good little dude” and you said “Oh, ya? I don't know. I don't know him, but I'll get to know him. We'll definitely do that.”

Now, there is a difference between being cool and being friends. I believe in order for two people to become friend, they must both make a sacrifice and one must take that first step from being cool into the friendship zone.

Now, in my eyes, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you took that first step. You took it on Monday, January 10, 2005. Lizerd was going hard and you were suppose to go the next day but us 3 were joking how we stole your thunder.

Do you remember 01/10/2005? That was the day you told me “Handcuff yourself to the door and don't worry. They won't gas you!”

Well, just after I was gassed and stuck to the door and couldn't avoid it, my good friend here hollered through the vent, “Jesus, I'm sorry Ghost. They weren't suppose to do that.”

Well, as he put is, people, “It was a slight miscalculation on my part”.

Well, how did you cross that line? You went hard for me. That night on 2nd shift you faded the team.

When, I came back to F-Pod, your exact words, “I got ran in on because I felt bad for what they did to you”. You did it. You took the first step. You made the sacrifice.

All I can say to you now is that if you need me, you call me. I don't care what pod or level I'm on.

I don't believe for one second that you deserve this bulls*** “justifiable homicide” that has been forced upon you. Since I found out you got a date. I pray everyday that you get a stay. You DESERVE A STAY!

You need me, you call. I'll be there.

I'm out homeboy,
With Respect,
Ghost P.S. Shy-Town KEEP
YA
HEAD
UP!!!
I'll get part 2 of this article to you A.S.A.P.

sclcookie

03-26-2005, 10:55 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright March 07 through March
10, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

March 7, 2005

Well, at 7:45 a.m. they hollered at me over the speaker to get ready for a
ministry visit. Jack Wilcox told me last month he would be calling me out
today. I'm glad because my very close friend George Andy Hopper has his last
all day visit with his family today. Tomorrow he will get a visit from 8 am
until noon and then get stripped searched, shackled and handcuffed and
loaded on the death van tomorrow.

D***!! No words can describe how I feel, how hard it is to stand idly by and
watch yet another man I have grown close to and consider my friend be swept
away by the never-ending death machine here in Texas.

Andy says he is ready and I believe him but as I look into the eyes of some
of his family members I see, they are NOT ready to let him go.

It is really ashame they do not allow more privacy to the condemned man's
family than they do. I mean here is Andy sitting with 18 plus members of his
family right out in the visitation room. Not only is it terribly impersonal
for them, what about all the other mothers, fathers, sons, daughters,
sisters, brothers....visiting with their loved ones on the row watching this
all take place.

How unimaginably cruel that is for everyone on the row we come somewhat, I
don't want to say used to it, but I have no better words. I mean there is so
many executions each year. It is just part of a daily struggle in here.

Please don't let my words...I don't want to sound cold or distant, because
it effects me, it hurts me, it scares me, but I go on, like we all must go
on. I just wish there was some better way to handle all this.

Let me jump back to the visit I had with Jack. He is always a rock for me to
lean on. He is also Andy's spiritual adviser and will be taking the trip to
the Walls Unit with Andy tomorrow.

Well, as Jack and I are talking, he said, "Oh, by the way, I'm going to
marry you today!"

What the??? I was floored! WOW! "What do you mean, today, Jack?"

"Today, I'm marrying you and Melissa today!!!"

"Jack, that is great. Where is she?"

He explains she will be coming in at the last 15 minutes of Jack's and my
visit!

From one extreme to the other. From Andy's execution to getting married to
the one I love!

I felt like a school boy! I was nervous, started sweating all of a sudden,
but I was smiling. I was happy. I was lost in what was about to happen. I'm
getting married today!! HA!HA!HA!

So all you ladies out there that find it so hard to resist my receding
hairline, yeah I know y'all find it so hard to resist, I'm officially
married, off the market!

Melissa, I love you so very, very much. Thank you for all that you have
become to me and how very special and loved you make me feel. You are a
beautiful and loving woman and I am truly blessed and honored to be able to
call you my wife.

On that note, I will close this on down for the day. I want to leave on a
good note.

Thank you all for tuning in and keeping updated.

March 8, 2005

It is 3 am and breakfast is served. I'm wide awake, but I'm not hungry so I
pass up on the meal. 3 am and they will be coming to get Andy for his last
visit at 8 am! D***! D***! No use trying to go back to sleep. I'm going to
fix myself some coffee and try and burn some stress off with a workout or
something.

I'm back. It is a little after 5:30 and as soon as I see the sun start to
come up, I will holler down at Andy to tell him to look out the window. I
have really come to love the sun, either at sunset or sunrise, it is a
beautiful, peaceful and personal pleasure of mine. No matter how much fence,
razor-wire or any other prison type obstruction I must look past, through,
around or whatever, it is a beautiful site and one I try to catch as often
as I can.

I cannot see the sunset from my cell so the sunrise it is! I holler down to
Andy and he gets up in the window also and as always it is a beautiful
sunrise. Orange, yellow and a little purple in there, also.

He yelled up and said "thanks Chi-Town, I needed that." No more words are
said. I'm sure he has his mind on a hundred things right now so I give him
his space.

I sure hope Andy does not become my 208th to watch be killed by the State of
Texas.

I still can't get over that number. I will have been on the row exactly 8
years come March 17, 2005 and they have killed 207 people during that time.

Can I be the only person who finds this utterly shocking and unexceptable?
Why? How can that be? What are the factors involved? Does anyone know? Does
anyone care? It has not slowed down! It has not even been looked at! Not
even a moratorium!!

You'd think with the overabundance of executions taking place at least a
temporary moratorium could be afforded to take a closer look at why such a
mass amount of executions are taking place in this Macabre killing machine
here in Texas.

It needs to be done by an OUT OF STATE agency also.

H***, the good ole boy system in Texas is thicker and more prevalent than
one might imagine. I personally believe the main reason TDCJ and the State
of Texas is against a temporary moratorium is because it would put the gross
injustices of the system and it's major flaws out in the public's eye once
and for all. That would be a major embarrassment to the entire judicial
system, not only in Texas but in America.

Texas is just one State of America, but why is it killing through executions
more than all the other states put together?

I know I'm repeating myself, but I just get so frustrated at the blind-eye
being turned away from this Killing Machine.

Please don't get me wrong, there aren't going to be any "angels" bound on
the row, completely innocent, angels? No, but innocent, none-the-less.

What the h*** is it going to take to get someone to take a closer look at
what goes on behind the scenes of this killing machine? How many lives will
be lost before someone says "STOP!"?

Will Andy's executions tonight be the one? I doubt it, but I can hope and
pray!

11:50 a.m. and once again, I'm standing on my bunk looking out my window and
just in time. Here comes the Death Van. RIGHT ON TIME!! The early bird get's
the worm, eh?

4 ranking officers fall-out the van and make their way to the rear of the
vehicle to open the back doors and unlock the cage Andy will be locked in
for the ride over to the Walls Unit. I count 11 people out there at the
moment. Head Warden B**** and Assist. Warden A***** amongst them. Death Row
Warden J****, also.

12 noon and Andy was just escorted out of visitation and into 12 Bldg.,
which is where they house Death Row; Grins and Giggles, the rest wait for
his return by the Death Van!

12:14 p.m. here comes Andy handcuffed, shackled and wearing little slippers!
I guess that is in case he gets the handcuff and shackled off and unlocks
the Death Van cage, he will have no shoes on his feet to run in. Talk about
overkill!!!

Well, I'm covering up my window to blacken out my cell and fade away from
the reality of it all for a little while, or at least try to.

How many more times will I witness this cruel and methodical ritual before
it is my turn to feed the machine?

I don't know but when my turn comes, I hope the machine chokes on my blood!!
B*******!!

March 9, 2005

Well, my dear friend George Andrew Hopper has become the 208th person for
the State of Texas to murder since I drove up to death row back in March of
1997!

This execution, his execution has just really knocked me for a loop. I woke
up this morning and watched the sunrise and wondered what view is Andy
watching from and I know it is from above it all, above the cement walls,
the steel bars and the razor wire fences, but in my own selfishness, I want
his a** right back her with me.

Sorry, but I miss him and that is how I feel If y'all knew Andy like I knew
Andy in prison. Andy has been on death row since 1992.

Most people let prison change them. I know it has changed me. Andy never
lost himself in all the hate and anger, the depression, and the hopelessness
of prison life. I barely ever even heard him cuss in a world where every
other word is the "f-word"!

I used to tease Andy all the time about his two favorite words he would use
when he was upset. DAGGUMMIT! BULLCORN! HA!HA!HA!HA! I laugh as I recall
those words coming out of his mouth in a fit of anger!

Don't get me wrong, Andy had his troubles in prison, he has had to fight and
protect himself, but he never put on the mask so many of us put on. The mask
on indifference when we see someone being beaten up or harassed, or
extorted. Those things Andy could not look past. He could not always change
the outcome, but he would always make an effort to help those others preyed
upon. Those who so many others would say "If they don't stick up for
themselves, they get what they got coming!"

Andy was also a man who tried to bring many other men to God. Not a popular
belief to many in here. Often a reason for others ridicule you or think
you're weak and unmanly. Andy had a way of rising above all of that.

Gone but not forgotten! Death row is a far worse place without Andy in here.
Once again I know how selfish that is but I don't care, it is how I feel.

I heard from someone over here on death watch with me that Andy's last visit
yesterday was extremely emotional, and Andy lost it, along with his daughter
and some other family members.

I was not out there so I cannot give details, but I can only imagine. I will
try and see if someone who did witness this can write something about it.

To all of Andy's family, I would like to say I am truly sorry for your loss.
Andy was a great man and rose above the rest with his kind heart and
forgiven soul.

He was a very caring man and thought the world of his family. Being a father
and a grandfather is something he found great joy in and always had a cute
or funny story to share when he would come back from visits with you guys.

I know no words can bring him back, but he will live on in all the hearts
and minds of those who's lived he touched, and believe me when I say he has
touched many sincerely and deeply.

Take comfort in knowing he is in a better place...........

My words seem so insufficient to pay my respects and sorrows to Andy and his
family. This s*** don't get any easier on me and I guess I should be
thankful for that. I still feel, I still hurt, I still mourn.

Andy, I will see you at Sunrise tomorrow!

God give me the strength. God bless to all out there.

I gotta take some time for myself, until pen meets paper please keep all the
men here on the row and their families in your prayers.

March 10, 2005

Another day in paradise. Still in a real blue funk over Andy's execution,
murder, justifiable homicide, whatever one wishes to call it, the end
results are the same.

Andy is gone and we are all still here. Now what you do about it is up to
each and every individual reading this.

I continue my writings in hopes that more people will become aware of what
is happening in their own backyards.

I have heard more than a few people who used to be all gungho for the death
penalty and now are against it, dead against it. I've had people write
waying they still believe in the death penalty, but it needs to be reformed,
overhauled. That is where my encouragement comes from, that and all the
people out there sending me their support. Sending their support to fight
the death machine in Texas and hopefully not just Texas but in the world.

I will continue to write and hopefully continue to get people to look more
closely at the system which takes a human life so casually.

I think I'm going to take a few days to myself and shut it all out, or at
least shut out as much as I can. I will be back.

Alexander Martinez who was supposed to be executed today, who actually was
to be executed today, yes he is the gentleman that y'all heard from last
week through Uncensored.....well, he was out in the visitation room with
Andy on that last day and had some things he wanted to say. He also wrote
another eye-opening article about the lawyers that are so often given to us
here on the row.

By Alexander Martinez #999483

"March 9, 2005 @7:19a.m.
Wednesday Morning

'ANOTHER DAY'

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I knew that it was going to be a new
experience for myself and now I wish that I hadn't put myself in a line of
fire. This morning is just another day to some, maybe most...but I can't say
it is for me, because yesterday evening another inmate to some was
executed....but not to all was this friend considered another inmate. He was
a good friend to me.

Tomorrow would be my day, yet it was modified and set 'til June 7th, about 3
months away. I was ready to go and George "Andy" Hopper and I pretty much
counted down the days together, because my date was just 2 days from his.
So, I would say that I gotten to know him a little more than I have known
most people in here.

I met some of his family and one thing I can say about his family was that
they were all close. I'm not talking about sometimes, but always there kind
of close.

He talked about his family all the time and was proud of his children...the
only thing he was worried about was his family in how they would handle this
execution. He was at peace with everything and what would happen.

Since my visits were already set and there was no time in getting word to
them or anything, I was getting my visits when he was getting his last ones.
So, I was hoping that I would be close to him so that we could go through
this as we planned. He would meet my wife and I would meet his family.

So, as we were out there visiting, those last days, I would say spirits were
high....but as the last day came around and the time was dwindling down to
12:00 p.m., you could feel the pain and emotional vibes tensing up and you
could look into their eyes and see the tears welding up, even my wife was
feeling the emotional stress surrounding us.

I have to admit that even I couldn't contain what human nature is within on
out there, didn't have any heart. But as it got closer and closer, I noticed
that ranking officers were walking around, and then a wave of emotions began
coming out and everyone saying their last goodbyes.

I will not speak on what I heard, because I feel that that is personal and
in respects for his family, but Andy shared everything with me on what he
was always feeling, or what he was thinking. We compared thoughts about the
impending execution, what would we eat, what would we say and most of all,
how were we feeling spiritually about everything in general.

I'm sure that I'm not the only one that has been sincerely close to another
inmate and I'm sure that their are a lot of others that can share their
experiences about loosing a friend, but I wanted to give a depiction of what
I was experiencing. I know that a lot of people don't know what really goes
on in here.

So, as it came to 11:55 a.m., I heard Captain W******** tell Andy that he
had 5 minutes left. As his family left the visiting room, I couldn't look at
them any longer. I didn't want to see there faces. Then the rest of the rank
came in and pulled out Andy.

As I turned around to face him, I said "Alright, Andy, I'll see you later!"
I didn't know what to say or how to say anything that would let him know. My
heart goes out to you family. I am not good at expressing myself to others.

That morning we talked a little, but the night before the execution, we
talked for about close to an hour and since this conversation is with me, I
will share this with you all.

First, I have noticed that when a man's date is near and it comes down to
that last night here, there really isn't enough time to catch them and talk
to them, because they are usually trying to write last minute letters and
kites to people. Cleaning up and sorting their property out and making sure
that they have everything ready.

I have been over on death watch since August and I have seen a lot of guys
leave from here. Most of them, I know, but didn't get to know personally and
seen how some rush and get things together and some waiting 'til their last
minute doing things.

So when Andy finished doing everything he felt he had to do before relaxing
a little and conversing with me, we talked about family and how he really
dreads those last minutes with them because of seeing them hurt. He said
going to Huntsville doesn't seem so hard at all, it's the family that I
worry about most. We even talked about Heaven, how that he would be waiting
in line to enter the gates of Heaven, that even though I wasn't leaving on
the 10th, he hoped to see me there someday.

Him and I have different beliefs, it didn't stop us from talking about our
own beliefs. We even joked that if I could cut in line if I was to see him
there and he said "no" I couldn't, because maybe Peter at the gate would see
that and not allow me to enter! :) But the most he was saying was all these
years and tomorrow, "I will leave this place and I will not be hurting" (his
leg was in pain from one day playing basketball). "I don't want this to
sound messed up, but I am worried about the Supreme Court not giving us an
answer or anything, because I don't want to go through this again and
putting my family through this again. I'm ready!" was what he said to me.

After talking about everything in general, he said that he needed to get
some sleep, because tomorrow was the day and this would be the last time we
would really talk.

I said "It was cool kicking it with you and I'm glad that you are at peace
with everything, knowing that Heaven truly awaits you. I hope to meet up
with you, because 3 months isn't long in spirit years!!!

So as he left the visiting room, I looked at my wife and said that's it!
That's the last time I will see him here and talk to him here.

When I came back to my cell, I must say that I was drained from all this
emotionally, because I never placed myself directly into something that I
know I would be emotionally stressed over. I knew that it was going to be
something, but not to the extent of what I was feeling at the time and the
time now.

I have noticed that basically everyone goes on as if no one knew there was
an execution. The recs are being pulled out and officers of course do as
they always do. I think a lot of guys may think, if they don't put
themselves in what is really happening on 12-building and in their own
world, that maybe it doesn't happen to them. But then there are a lot of
guys that fight this fight, some resign to what is there. As I have labeled
myself, I have resigned to my fate and feel that there isn't anything left
here for me.

In Texas it's just another day to most, but I assure you, it's not just
another day for those who knew Andy and I hope that his family knows that he
has touched a lot of people in here in many ways that some don't, leaving a
lasting effect on me that I too have that peace when it is truly my time to
leave.

And even though he said he wouldn't let me cut in line to Heaven, I know
that he would let me, because that is the kind of person he is, he wouldn't
leave anyone hanging.

March 10, 2005 @9:35a.m.
Thursday Morning

Today would have been my last day here and some may have noticed that I no
longer have an execution date for the 10th of March (today). So, I wanted to
share that with you so that you could know what is going on here.

First, I have not wavered from my decision in waiving these appeals. When I
wrote my Attorney and explained to him that I wanted to waive my appeals
when the CCA confirmed my conviction, I asked him not to file anything else
in my behalf. I was not notified about my conviction being confirmed 'til a
month later, because he was filing another write with the court and when I
found out that, I was confirmed by the CCA. I wrote my Attorney and the
Judge in my case and expressed my wishes in waiving these appeals.

Then my Attorney wrote me back and said that the writ he filed was filed
before I sent him the letter explaining that I wished to waive the appeals,
which was a lie, because I mailed that letter before and I also explained to
him that before the CCA confirmed my conviction, that I wanted to waive my
appeals.

Now, I understand the some would look at this as my Attorney doing his job
in trying to save my life, but I don't look at it this way. When I came do
death row, I wasn't sure if I was going to waive my appeals or fight the
case. I wanted to see who I had on my side and so, I asked my attorney if he
was going to fight. If he was going to keep in touch with me and make sure
that everything is getting done.

He came and assured me that he was going to work with me and to give him a
chance and so I said, ok, "I will let you be on this case and see how you
will fight this case, because if your not going to do you best, then there
is no need in going forward, because if I don't have you fully on my side
and the State against me, then I might as well let them have this life."

He agreed that he would send me my paperwork so that I could point out the
things that I was denied to do at trial and/or lies that were told.

I waited a year and nothing. He never sent anything, he didn't answer my
letter, and I got the feeling that he just wanted me to be on his case load,
because he gets paid by the State for representing me. Easy money, because
do you think the State is going to check and see if he is doing his job and
taking care of what he is supposed to? I don't think so!

As today, you see on the news how the State has convicted people on no
evidence, but fabricated evidence. So an Attorney can do what he wants and
no one there to grade their performance in their work. I refuse to be
another inmate for their financial gain.

I was brought to the County and he tried to convince me that he was doing
his best and I wasn't convinced. I allowed to waive my appeals and my
Attorney was still trying to convince me not to.

I stressed to him that I gave him a chance to help me and send me my
paperwork so that I could help in my case and so when he didn't, it just
made it easier for me to do what I have been thinking about doing.

Little did I know was that the writ he filed, he knew something would have
to be done and it would buy him some time to convince me to proceed with my
appeals.

But he didn't tell me anything and so just last week, I was called to the
visiting room for my Attorney phone call and then I was told that my date
was modified 'til the 7th of June.

I had everything set up for the 10th (today) and my wife couldn't change the
flights because they don't let them do that. So, because he wants to keep
this for sure payment from the State, because I'm not the only client he has
that is on death row on his income. They will claim that they don't make
money, but add all the cases they have that the State pays them for and you
have a nice pretty penny there.

So, I had written my Judge and explained to her that anything my Attorney
files in my behalf is against my will and illegal, because I don't want him
for my Attorney and I gave him no Authority to file anything in my behalf.
Anything he files is simply for the image he is trying to uphold for
himself. Because who would hire an Attorney that really didn't care about
what is happening to your case? You wouldn't hire him, so he has to make it
seem as though he is doing his job, just enough to look good.

So, that is why I will be here a little longer than I anticipated. I have no
trust or faith in the system nor my attorney. You would think that they
would want to get rid of you after being convicted, but seeing that I am
ready and I do not fear death, and pushing them to proceed with the
execution, they see that I'm not one that is afraid of their so called
Justice.

Could it be that it's about making one suffer? A man that would be fighting
for his life, it seems the State is in a hurry in executing that man.

So what would you call this? I leave that open for you to decide.

Alexander Martinez #999438"

In solidarity and Struggle,
I remain...
R. M. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

I was reading my bible today and came accross a couple of kites written by
Andy for me about 2 years ago. Just a small and personal glimps at the Andy
I know, loved and respected. I'm asking Suzanne to scan them so all can see
they are "legit". He always had a helping hand or word. Just a great guy and
a great friend.

Andy's Letter #1 Andy's Letter #2

I love you Bro and I miss the bullcorn out of you!!!

kezcat

03-26-2005, 11:12 PM

No words can express how sad this makes me. The Texas 'Death Machine' is rolling ahead at full force. :( :(

This madness has to stop!

Congratulations to Richard and Melissa on their marriage. It's heartening to see that love prevails- even in the he!! hole that is 'death watch'.

sclcookie

03-27-2005, 05:12 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright March 16, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

Today is March 16, 2005 at 11:30 a.m. and I'm finally back in the sadle again. Andy's murder really hit me heard. Like I've said a few times before, it just does not get any easier.

Actually it gets harder and harder as the murders pile up and continue to grow with no end in site. I would say no hope, but most have hope, the ones that have lost that end up crazy or committing suicide.

Speaking of suicide, we had another prisoner hang himself on the 10th of this month. Now, this was not a death row prisoner, but it was and Ad-Seg prisoner from population.

Now this prisoner, although, he is from population, was housed on 12 building with death row. (Let me explain the lay-out before I go on. Death row is housed in 12 building. 12 building has six pods, A through F pod. Now each pod has six sections with 14 cells in each section. 7 on 2 row and 7 on one row. For instance, A pod A section has 14 cells, A pod B section has 14 cells, A pod C section, the same, d,e,f sections the same. Now on F pod, a,b,c and d sections are for the Ad-Seg prisoners from population and e and f sections are for death row.) See this 12 building was built as PUNISHMENT HOUSING for the trouble making type of prisoners from population. The ones who had repeated assaults against staff and other prisoners. Just violent disciplinary offenders.

How they justify putting death row in this type of housing is completely beyond me. Per capita death row has far and I mean far less assaultive cases than any population group with the same numbers.

Anyway, back to the John Doe who offed himself last week. I do not know his name nor do I know his reason why. I can guess but it is not my place to do so.

It saddens me that another man has decided to kill himself instead of being locked in a cage 23 yours a day. This is a man who was not sentenced to die, there was light at the end of his proverbial tunnel.

I find it ironic as I sit here and fight for my life with tooth and nail against the odds trying to just survive and others just let it go and give it up.

Time for another quote I would think.

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” -Norman Cousins-

A lot of men get over here to death watch and start living waiting to die. That, to me, is it's own form of death. Tomorrow is promised to NO ONE!!!

I do not want nothing to die inside me while I am still living. I have too many happy and loving memories in my life to comfort me when times get rough. I have too many loving and caring people in MY LIFE!!

I apologize if I sound a tad bit melodramatic in my writings today. It must be the gray and gloomy skies combined with the memory of Andy and the newest suicide here on 12 building and together is a little hard for me to swallow.

3 more days is all I can see to now. Three more days and I can look into my Lil Ricki's beautiful and innocent eyes and hear that laughter and see the crooked teeth smile of hers and all is better for a time. She has the uncanny ability to chase away all of Daddy's boggy-men and she does not even know it.

Someday she will, someone will tell her, someone will show her my letters, my drawing. Probably the same women who will be bringing her to see me. That, of course, would be my wonderful and loving mother. Everyone's rock to lean on. She will be full of love, hugs and tickle bugs for her granddaughter as she fights back the tears that I'm not supposed to see.

We will also have another special person with us this visit. That's right, Suzanne, the wonderfully dedicated woman who retypes all my ranting and ravings for y'all to read. This will be the first time I meet Suzanne face to face even tho' I already feel like I've known her for years. She sure knows me along with the rest of you who read the Uncensored articles.

Her help with Uncensored is just one of many ways that Suzs has supported me. She has offered me her personal friendship and has invited me into her home to share with me all her funny stories about her army of kids and loving husband.

Suzanne, you really have been a great big help in so many different ways. Thank you so much.

Another person I should have thanked LONG before now is S H. S has been running my original web-site and so much more for the past, what...4 years.

S, I was looking through my Uncensored articles the other day and was extremely ashamed of myself for not telling you Thank You. Thank you first and foremost for all you did for my brother, P, and the others you wrote and write here on the row.

Also, thank you for way back when when you offered to help me start my first web-site when I did not even really understand the “internet” and it's power.

Please, send me your home address so I can write you personally once again. It has been far too long my friend. You've really been burning both ends of the candle once again for me lately and giving my family much needed encouragement and support.

Now to the Thunder Down Under!! Hey, I kinda like that one there. I give you the “green light” on what you asked me about. Thank you once again for all your encouraging words. I will write you later on this week or first thing next week.

I would also like to thank my investigator. Of course I do not know if I'm supposed to keep you identity secret so for now I will.

This person has on their own free will and free of charge offered their help out of kindness and the zeal to find the truth and get justice done.

I do not know what you are doing right now, but I know you are doing your best and for that, I thank you very much. Please feel free to ask me anything you need to when you need to.

The good news is that P M, Jr. will NOT be murdered tonight as was the States plans. He has received a stay of execution for the time being anyway.

Wow, that is 3 stays for the month of March so far. Congrats P and to the Texas Defenders Service for stepping up to the plate, free of charge and bringing up issues that his paid lawyer failed to do to get Pablo this stay. If it we not for organizations such as these, there would be far more men executed monthly.

It is very, very scary to say the least. It amazes me that the ones being paid are always the ones that drop the ball. It makes sense thou'. The lawyers given to us by the State get paid the same amount of money if their writs fail or succeed. The thing is if they write successful writs, they have more work to follow up on and get paid a big fat ) for their extra efforts. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that an unsuccessful writ is in there own benefit and that is just the way the system here in the State of Texas likes it, I'm sure! You get paid to fail! No wonder the lady of justice is blindfolded. Jeesshh, she'd have to be blind to miss all the backwood ways of Texas' good ole boy system of injustice.

I also want to say another thank you to Major N here on the row. She has once again let me off my level 2 status earlier than police states in order to allow me more visits with my family and friends. She did not have to do this, nor was she obligated to do this, but none-the-less, she did it, anyway.

Now, if she would just help me talk these people into letting me make parole, I'd really be happy. Hell, if I'm gonna dream, I'm gonna dream big! HA!HA!HA!BOO_HOOBOO_HOO!!!

I also want to thank everyone who has signed the online petition for me. It gives me great encouragement to see all the names piling up in that area.

Also, thank you very much Mouse for the extra work you put into the intro for the petition. You really are awesome ACE!!

Go Vikings! There, I said it!! Happy?

I always said if I have to go, I did not want to go quietly. I always meant that I would physically fight to the end. I feel really blessed to have so many supporting me and listening to what I write and really listening not just hearing, or reading, y'all know what I mean. I feel like I'm fighting now. I feel like my writings are getting to far more people than if I would fight the system physically.

I'm not being quiet, I'm making noise and a difference. Maybe not a great big difference, but a difference none-the-less. I would not know this if not for all the wonderful letters and e-mails and signing of the petition.....I just wanted to say thank you to all you out there who give a damn.

I've had a few letters even stating that before reading what I wrote, they were for the death penalty and are now against it. That makes all the time and effort I put into the writing worth every last minute. Not to take away from all y'all who have been fighting against the death machine for far more years than even me. It is an uphill battle but then again, any battle worth fighting usually is.

It has been 36 days since I found out I had an execution date. It seems like just a week ago. Damn, time is really flying by this past month. It is overwhelming at times.

I just looked at my calendar and realized that my 8 year anniversary is tomorrow! I was brought to the Texas death row on March 17, 1997 St. Patrick's Day! I guess I have no luck of the Irish in my blood, eh?.....

I know I'm kinda jumping around here but my mind likes to wonder now and again. The next date scheduled is for March 23, 2005. His names is S S and I'm pretty sure he will also receive a stay. He has been gone on a bench warrant for the past 2 weeks and I've heard nothing but I know him well enough to believe that he has a tremendous chance of getting the Penry issue. That is the mental retardation issue. I poke no fun at this man by saying this, it is just, well, it is just fact. I wish him all the luck in getting the stay.

Alright, I can see my head really not into this right now, so I will end this one here with thanks to all of you out there who care enough to read this.

May God Bless you all and your families and friends. In Struggle and Solidarity,
Richard Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

sclcookie

03-27-2005, 11:25 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright March 23, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

It is right now 11:18 a.m. and in about 45 minutes the death van shall be
here to pick up the next sacrifice in the name of Texas infamous justice!!

I hate the way I feel right now, how I feel is absolutely 110% useless and
helpless, almost even hopeless. One of the worst things about the death
penalty, or at least my death penalty is all the innocent people that have
been here for me while on the row and all the innocent people that will be
hurt if they kill me in 58 days.

I digress tho', let's get back to the "man of the hour"! S S..it is hard to
say what I have to say without seeming like I'm poking fun at him, which I
am NOT!! S is a good 9 cents short of a dime. He is not retarded but he is
damn near crazy as can be.

Most people who have dates and get executed spend their last three days on
earth out at visitation with their loved ones. S S has not had one single
visit this past week and will not receive any visits.

Off to the Walls Unit he will go. Who cares? Who will miss him? Who will
mourn for him? Does he have family that even knows he has a date? Do they
just not care? Are they maybe too poor to afford the trip?

S**** S***** will go to his death quieter than most and it is very sad. He
has no one.

I've tried to talk to him a few times when I went to the dayroom, asking if
he needs some coffee or food. "Do you believe in God?" "You want to talk?"

He just looked at me like I was the crazy one and maybe I am. F*** sometimes
it is hard to tell.

S***** has not said much to anyone these last few days.

The rank has been going to his cell about every 15 minutes to make sure he
does not kill himself! How ignorant is that? They come and ask him "how ya
doing today, guy? Ya doing alright?"

He does not respond and that makes them even more nervous.

I've hollered over the run a few times to tell them to leave him alone, "why
are you all of a sudden worried about him killing himself. Do you feel that
will cheat y'alls injustice out of some blood? Dead is dead, no? Oh, my bad,
he must be murdered by the State or it just don't count? M.F******!!"

I don't mean to cuss and I know I show my a** when I do, but I cuss when I'm
p***** and I'm p***** so..Not really pissed, just frustrated, frustrated
about all the S S's on the row. Suffering from mental illness, no way to
reach out and ask for help, a friendship, all the things I have deeply
depended on throughout my miserable trip through TDCJ!!!

He is by far not the only man on the row with similar circumstances.

I'm guilty too. H***, he has been here ever since I drove up and this is the
first time I've taken the time to pay him any mind at all. I cannot even
recall ever once hearing his name until I got to deathwatch.

I was sure he would get a stay, but than again I ain't running nothing!!!

Nothing but my mouth. I'm good at that, eh? Do not answer that anybody, it
was a rhetorical question.

Yes, Mouse, that means you smart-***!! Yeah, I know you well.

How alone do you think that man feels right now? Man I cannot even imagine,
no one to say "hey, I love you...I will keep your memory alive in my heart.
You'll be missed. You made a difference.."

It is 11:48 a.m. and they are here to strip search and humiliated Mr. S
one last time.

I'll be back...let me go to my door and listen and watch...

11:53 a.m.-
They escort S to the legal cage in the hall to await the death van.

At noon high the "gang" gathers around outside to await the arrival of the
condemned man and the van.

At 12:05 p.m. the van arrives and they have S standing by waiting for the
van to back up to load the "cargo"!! S is loaded up handcuffed and shackled
into a cage in the back of the death van.

The men in the van and the 16 or so men from Polunsky Unit stand around
shaking hands, some hugs and good game pats all around as the condemned man
sites in his new cage and awaits the journey, as I stand in my window and
watch it all once again.

The van finally leaves at 12:09 p.m. off to the Walls Unit they go.

Now once the van is outside the prison perimeter, all the guys in the van
get their AK-47's and whatever pistols they need. There will be a lead car
and a chase car that will also be loaded up with some gun-toting
hillbillies just incase someone is fool enough to do a last minute prison
break!

I think too many Westerns have been watched by all. I mean the whole high
noon pick up alone is kinda ridiculous in my eyes. The men going to the
Walls Unit does not die until at least 6 p.m.

Once again, I know I am way too close to this whole situation to write an
unbiased account of all I see. It is too personal, way too d*** personal, so
you must read this and keep in mind this is through the eyes of a man who is
awaiting this same fate to befall him in 58 days.

Now all we can do is wait 'til the new is broadcasted on the a.m. radio to
see what fate has in store for S S.

I would like to share a poem that a British prisoner wrote. His name is
Danny Mansell.

"'JUSTICE'

They say that justice is not a privilege but a right.
How am I to believe this, when I'm locked up day and night?
Away from my loved ones, my family and friends,
The pain, the heartache never ends.
But if you only listen, like they used to do.
Now you're just a number, no one believes in you.
But if you listen, listen carefully and hear,
I'm sure you should believe I really shouldn't be here.
Send away this innocent man, keep him under lock and key.
Send him off to prison to protect the likes of you and me.
We're all too quick to judge and condemn,
Especially if it's not happening to us, but only happening to them.
These miscarriages of justice keep happening every year.
Everybody listens, but how many really hear?
Years of fighting to right the wrongs,
The guilty one walks free, instead of where he belongs.
Think of all the other ones, who have fought this terrifying fight.
Yet still nothing is done to make the system right.
We could all site back and do nothing and think the system is fine.
Nest time the pain and heartache, could be yours instead of mine."

I'm out of here for the day, people. Please stay strong and keep on fighting
the good fight.

In Struggle and Sinking Fast,
Richard Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

STEVEN STALEY GOT A STAY!!! :)`

Hi there! As you all know, I post these articles for Rich. I just wanted to
share with you a couple of things.

First, here is my account of our visit last Saturday:

On March 19, 2005 I went to visit my very dear friend Richard Cartwright
999224 (I know, the number sounds so impersonal, but that number identifies
him, even during visitations) on Texas Death Row. This was my first time to
visit Death Row. Not my first time to visit an inmate in Texas, however, but
a whole new experience though.

I sat there for nearly 2 hours but it still seems so unreal to me. Watching
this pretty 8 year old girl who knows that her Daddy may not be alive in 2
months from the date of said visit, how she acted as if she didn't know,
must have been so hard for her. How she listens to her family, Rich's
friends, everyone who cares for her and for Rich talk about Rich's execution
date, and go on like she does. I don't know how she did. Poor thing has had
to grow up too fast.

You can't tell me an 8 year old doesn't understand what an execution is, so
don't even try to convince me or anyone else that she doesn't. I'm sure when
she was told, they use simpler terms. I was 8 years old once and knew a lot
more than I'm sure my parents realized. This little girl is very smart. She
understands.

She was so strong during our visit, very quiet though. I really feel for
her, very possibly losing her Daddy. I lost my Dad when I was 32, I couldn't
imagine losing him at 8. A daughter needs her Daddy, even at 37 years old,
but especially at 8.

And Rich's Mom. She is such a strong woman, or she acts like she
is.....she's taking on a lot, working so hard to prevent Rich's date of
death from being May 19, 2005. I have 3 sons. There is something about a
Mother/Son relationship you can't understand unless you're one or the other.
I was a Daddy's Girl which is nowhere no how the same. But Son or Daughter,
Mom or Dad, no child should die before their parents. No parents should have
to watch their child die, attend their funeral, especially their perfectly
healthy child.

Rich is still full of hope, which is very encouraging. He doesn't deserve
this. Even if he was guilty, WHICH HE'S NOT, he doesn't deserve to know when
he is going to die. Only God should know. God didn't intend for any person
to know the exact date and nearly exact time they are going to die. I'm not
a religious person, however, I do believe in God and God is everything good.
When he allows us to choose how we teach what is right or wrong, he didn't
intend for us to "murder".

You know what doesn't make any sense. This is the "Bible Belt" or so I
thought, but one of the Ten Commandments says, "Thou shalt not kill"? "An
eye for an eye" contradicts that commandment. I seriously doubt God would
condone revenge in the name of justice, or however, you may say
it...especially, with the chance of executing an innocent man.

Okay, no more preaching...sorry..

I heard Rich and Irene talk about Texas and Texans and the Death Penalty.
I'm from Texas, I don't believe that as many Texans as they seem to think
are all for the Death Penalty. Too many of us and/or our family and/or
friends have experienced injustice for that. But with this past election, I
would see where they might think that. More of us need to get out and vote,
because if I was to take a personal census from others verbal votes, the
majority favorite was way off from what the polls said her in Texas. "My
vote won't count, so why bother?" Well, because it could affect another's
life even if they live? That would be a good reason.

Oh, and they were talking about the Attorney's here in Texas. My Dad was an
attorney here in Sherman. He was once the elected Grayson County Attorney
and was a defense attorney. I learned a lot from him, but I'm still naive to
how things are here. I've seen injustices or attempted injustices from being
his daughter and working for him. His name was Joe Max Shelton, so if you
know him, you may laugh when reading this just because you know what I'm
talking about. He kept everything. I filed EVERYTHING for him. And one thing
he kept up with was Ethics. That files or those files were thick. Maybe not
as thick as his "Crap" files, but he kept up with issues like that.

Of course, I never read anything on Ethics or could care less really until I
actually understood what Ethics are. I thought in any profession, you're
supposed to practice "Ethics". I know it's not the real world, but I still
have a hard time imagining Lawyers doing some of the things they were
talking about during any trial, but especially during a Capitol case. Like I
said, I'm naive. (H***, even in nursing, many nurses don't know the meaning
of the word.)

I laugh every time I read Rich call the pro-death-penalty TEXANS "Good Ole
Boys".....then he talks about indigent inmates in the same article. Most
"Good Ole Boys" don't have much money and/or are actual "Cowboys",
"Farmers", real people who probably have friends/family in prison. "Good Ole
Boys" have Pick-Up Trucks or Cars they're always working on to make it to
work or take their kids to school, or go out on the town, of course. "Good
Ole Boys" here in Texas don't forget about their kinfolks who are in
trouble, even if they get themselves in it. Now they may put switch to their
hind end or get some other kind of beating, but they love them too much to
let them rot in a h*** known as "Death Row"..

Oh, and "Backwoods" makes me laugh too. (Okay, I have to admit I can't find
where Rich said "Backwoods" in his Uncensored, but I'm leaving this in here
anyway...just 'cause I can.) H***, if you're living in the back of the
woods, you're probably poor or hiding from the law to keep from going to
prison and on Death Row.

All you Texans, please don't hold that against him. He ain't from 'round
here. He doesn't understand that the REAL "Good Ole Boys" and Texans living
in the backwoods aren't the ones who made these laws.

But I'll tell you this, you need to pay attention to what he is saying,
because this is our State and those are our Sons, Daughters, Moms, Dads on
Death Row. The Texas Death Row Appeal Process has speed up, and our
family/friends are dropping like flies. (AKA Willis exonerated after 17
years and Cartwright to be executed after only 8?!!! What's up with that!)

Anyway, I can go on, but I ain't........so just deal with it! Hah!!!

Keep Fighting Rich.........or I'LL be the one with the rope!!!!
(to whoop up your a**!!! Then put my s***-kicking boots on your a**!!!)

Suzanne Cookston

This next part isn't really meant for Rich's supporters however it is meant
others reading these articles. I was hacked severely this past week..lost my
system files, which was a real pain in the a**. I was suspecting that it was
just some teenager getting his kicks from hacking, however, now I'm not so
sure.

I know this may sound like a coded message, but it's not...it's just meant
for a certain person or person(s).....I got an interesting PING on my PC on
Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 8:51:55 AM, about the time I was being hacked
very severely.

I just wish I was paying better attention to my firewall prior to me having
to restore and my logs being erased. It is my understanding that even though
you may wipe out your pc, everything you've ever done on your pc stays on
your pc, though.

I have a firewall.a few I might add, internal AND external, but apparently
not good enough for ************ you know who you are.....

I'm sorry, but I just thought it was very coincidental. I d*** near
publicized the addy...I'd like to, but I'm not. But I do want to let you
know that it isn't right to attempt to prevent me from helping out an
innocent man, his family and friends for whatever reason you may
have......I'm sure you already know.....

This is the U.S.A. and there is such thing as Freedom of Speech and I'm a
born and raised Texan and you know us Texans...if we have something to say,
we sure as h*** will say it!!!!

(If I lost my objectivity here, I'm sorry, but if you people out there would
have been as frustrated as I have been with your pc as I was this week,
you'd understand. THANK GOD I know a little bit about
computers.......otherwise, this article wouldn't be up in a timely manner,
like the rest.)

Addition by Suzanne on March 28, 2005

I have to add some things about my visit with Rich and his family.

Rich, though he has a lot of fight in him, is highly upset and frustrated.
I can't imagine what it would be like for him. Time is moving so fast. All
he's got is those out here helping him.

Irene, his Mom, is a fighter and won't give up, you can believe that. The
big State of Texas will NOT intimidate her!

Now, Texas is OUR state and we need to let our Government know what we stand
for. We won't stand for our family to be executed nor will we just stand
back just to watch without saying something or doing something about it.

Rich has 53 days left and y'all need to get your letters, faxes, phones,
etc. in.

Rich isn't the only man on Texas Death Row we're fighting for. You let them
know that the fight won't stop before or after him.

babieboo

03-31-2005, 05:46 PM

thank you so much for sharing yourself again. i will continue to pray for you. God Bless.

sclcookie

04-03-2005, 12:53 AM

FYI. Don't have an uncensored to post this weekend....maybe Monday (unless TDCJ is messing with the mail).

kmlchitown

04-05-2005, 03:48 AM

Any News on Richard ??????????? getting very worried here

kia5858

04-05-2005, 08:35 AM

God may of said an eye for an eye, but in my book that meant if there was a score to settle, God would be the one doing it. We were not given permission to murder, but our U.S thinks they can.....you let me know how to help and I will. As far as SS is concerned he sounds like he's got nobody so if you could get his information I will write him....I care, like you all do.....

jftazzy102

04-05-2005, 09:08 AM

This is really so sad. Until I joined PTO I had a whole different out look you could say. But not anymore. My prayers go out to Rich and his family. Hell It goes out to everyone's family and loved ones on death row.

sclcookie

04-05-2005, 09:07 PM

It's my understanding that Rich is short stamps so that's why it's taking so long for him to get back with others and with his Uncensored.

Thanks,
Suzanne

Ken'sWife

04-05-2005, 09:12 PM

Can he be sent stamps? If so, how would I be able to do that to help?

sclcookie

04-06-2005, 08:06 AM

No, Rich can't be sent stamps. You can't even have them sent via the USPS.

And money isn't the issue either. TDCJ only allows a certain amount of money to be spent on stamps at commissary.

------------------------

Another thing, I'm going to do a Special Uncensored to be for Rich, his wife, Mellisa, daughter, Ricki and Mother, Irene from those who read his articles. If anyone wants to say anything to Rich in this Uncensored, PM the msg. to me, 50 words or less....you can add your name and where you are from if you would like or remain Annonymous if you'd like. I'm going to give it about 2 weeks before I do a final draft to post online which will be April 24th will be the deadline.

Can he be sent stamps? If so, how would I be able to do that to help?

Ken'sWife

04-06-2005, 11:31 AM

Thanks for the quick reply. I just hoped that I could help in some way. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family.

sclcookie

04-06-2005, 08:56 PM

Just an FYI, got a new Uncensored I'll be posting this weekend. Thanks for your patience.

Suzanne

kmlchitown

04-07-2005, 05:07 AM

well if we must shhhhhhhhh lmao ............. you do a awesome job

sclcookie

04-08-2005, 11:05 PM

Another FYI.....only possitive things with the special uncensored....

I haven't gotten any yet, but please no "Goodbye" msges to Rich.. I know we all want him to keep fighting.

Thanks,

Suzanne

sclcookie

04-11-2005, 03:00 AM

Finally done!!!!

kmlchitown

04-11-2005, 04:15 AM

thank's you do a awesome job

kmlchitown

04-11-2005, 04:18 AM

now when is the next one coming HAHAHAHAHA

HUGGS

KAZ :banghead:

sclcookie

04-11-2005, 09:00 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright April 01, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

Well flipping the calendar over this morning brought me back to my cruel reality too quickly!

Man this crap is nerve-racking to say the least. It is just not normal to know the exact date of your own murder, or Justifiable Homicide, as what the State of Texas writes on one’s death certificate.

There are two fellas that have a date coming up here on April 20th!! A double-header no less. Douglas Roberts, TDCJ # 999218 and Milton Mathis, TDCJ # 999337.

It amazes me how quickly the State of Texas writes on one’s death certificate.

There are two fellas that have a date coming up here on April 20th!! A double-header no less. Douglas Roberts, TDCJ # 999218 and Milton Mathis, TDCJ # 999337.

It amazes me how quickly the State of Texas Appeals process is working; it scares me too. Think about this for a minute…the few men who were lucky enough to prove their innocence and escape the slaughter house have an average of 10 to 20 plus years in order to prove the cover-ups and conspiracies….10 to 20 years.

Now Texas has this new Anti-Terrorist Bill that allows the process to be sped up. WHY??? D***, it really does not seem all that hard to figure out. What is the hurry all of a sudden.

Since this law came out almost 9 years ago, the average stay on the row is anywhere from 5 to 8 years.

H***, look at Milton’s TDCJ #!!#999337!!! He came to the row in December of 1999! A double header. Man on man that is real sick there.

On top of this reality, we also have to deal with a plethora of ignorant officers. Not too long ago my neighbor, Lonnie Pursley, who has a date with death on May 3, 2005, had on of the 2 steel screen slots in his cell door covered. The officers can still see in his cell with no problem.

Usually a prisoner will do this to let everyone who comes to the dayroom know that he does not wish to be bothered. Maybe he is writing letters, daydreaming, private time when they need it, and on death watch we seem to need it a lot more than usual.

Anyway, this older female officer comes by to pick up trays and after she gets to Lonnie’s tray, she says “Take that out of you screen” real snotty ass tone in her voice.

Lonnie obviously in a bad mood to begin with says “You just couldn’t stop yourself from saying something, just couldn’t.”

She says something smart, I could not hear, at this time I was the prisoner in the dayroom cage.

Anyway, Lonnie says “you’re a sorry b****!!”

This woman turns around and says “Your exactly where you belong, you jerk!”

This man is sitting in a death watch cell waiting to die and she says that s*** to him.

He called her a b****, so that justifies death! Come on, even for the people out there who believe in the death penalty, this is a little extreme, no.

This kind of thing happens on a DAILY basis.

I promise you I will learn this officer’s name and publish it on the next Uncensored. H***, she will most likely be proud of it and share it with her grandkids!

I keep thinking of the Steven Staley’s of the row with no break from the madness.

I mean I had 2 awesome visits the last 2 weeks of last month. I got to see my mom, Rickie, and Suzie on the 19th which was a real treat.

Lil’ Ricki wearing her “LIL MISS ATTITUDE” outfit that Grandma bought her. She does got a spunky lil attitoot to !HA!HA!HA! I always tell her this and hence the outfit. Grandma helping us bond in whatever ways she can.

Suzanne, the lady who runs this website, was also there for the first time and got to watch all this take place. She wrote about it and I read what she had to say and it was right on the money.

Ricki was very quiet and distracted Saturday. Smiling her little crooked freak-faced smile! I always like to watch the playing between Ricki and her Grandma Irene, it touches my heart deeply to see how close they are and how much love they have for each other. Grandma spoils her and feeds her tons of sugary treats from the vending machines and than gets to drop her back off with her mother to deal with the Wired up version of Lil Miss Attitoot!HA!HAH!AH!HA! Go Ricki!! GIRLPOWER!!!!

On the next Saturday, my wife brought Ricki to see me which was also a great treat. They act like they are sisters more than anything else.

Ricki loves how Melissa does up her hair and dresses her up…and all those other girlie type things. To see those two interact so well together really give me a lot of peace and happiness. One more person in Ricki’s life who loves her and it is obvious Mel loves Ricki.

It amazes me how many people have come into my life and my family’s life due to my circumstances.

Which brings me back to the Steven Staleys of the row with no one or nothing. Some say that is the better way to do time, with no worries, no heartbreaks. I say F*&$ that! I cannot imagine going though this alone. I might be being selfish, but I’m also being honest.

I’ve been receiving so many letters, just stacks and stacks of letters. It is amazing how many people care enough to take time out to write to me.

I feel bad that I cannot afford to write y’all back. No, I am not asking for money. I have enough to buy the 30 stamps I can buy every two weeks, but we are limited to only buying 30!

People have been trying to send me paper, envelopes, stamps…but I am not allowed to receive those things through the mail. NOTHING but letters, cards and photos.

The real bad things is I cannot afford to send these things back to the kind-hearted people who send them to me, so TDCJ gets to keep them…so please stop trying to send me writing supplies…I do appreciate the efforts, though.

Those of you reading this who are waiting for my reply, now you know why you are waiting. Please do not think it is from lack of wanting to write you. I need to write you and want to thank every last one of the people who have written me, e-mailed me, signed my petition, wrote mom and other loved ones on my behalf.

Thank you all so much for making such a great big difference in my life. With every letter I read my happiness and hope grows stronger and stronger.

I hope my lack of ability to write back does not alienate or hurt anybodies feelings because it is not personal. I will write when I can, I promise you that.

I would like to talk about some other troublesome issues here on the row. First and the biggest by far is the sad and declining fast state of the food they try and feed us. Rotten beans and mush. They have this habit of taking a small piece of corn bread and putting some corn and saucy stuff over it and that is you main course. This is like two or three bites at the most.

The food is always cold. ALWAYS!!

No, we have been through this problem before and raised a big enough fuss that it got to the point that the rank was randomly taking pictures of the food trays and sending them to Huntsville. Now it seems no one wants to get out there and stand up for better food.

Crying about it to the officers or over the internet just don’t get it and that is what all we want to do. I mean we can write grievances but not too many bother because they know they are useless, nothing ever gets done but what they fail to realize is you have to justify your actions by laying the groundwork in writing trying to do the right thing.

This food is not fit for animal consumption and that is no lie.

The proof of this is all the men on F-POD who no longer are allowed to go to commissary because they are “bad”! I was down there for what, 2 ½ months and lost 18 pounds! The time I spent a year down there I went from 225 pounds down to 167 pounds!! I’m 6’2” tall so 225 is not fat, it is average if I’m not mistaken.

This is an ongoing issue that resurfaces every few months, but if we stand idly by and except it, it will not get better just worse.

I hate to talk about it, because truthfully, I’m not willing to get out there with these people and lose my visits with my family and friends so close to my date. I feel almost like I’m crying wolf, but I’ve been hearing so much b******g and complaining about this sh**** food that I feel I gotta say something.

Here is another issue that many people who visit death row prisoners can concede to. Sometimes visitors wait 2 or 3 hours for their prisoner to be brought out to visit them. Often times, they get cheated out of the visitation time because the officers take so long to get the prisoners out to their visit.

Now the stander line or lie is we are short handed! BULLCORN! (THINKING OF YOU, ANDY)

It is because the escort officers drop someone off and than they sit their a**** around gossiping with each other, or walking slow because they do not like the next prisoner they have to get, or are just plain lazy.

Escort officers are often the Ranking officers favorite or pet officers who do not have to work on the pods. They get away with what they want to which really is fine by me, until it starts to affect MY visits with my family!!! Short handed my a**! LAZY!!!

H***, I had my last visit on March 29th with Mel and after she left I sat out there for 2 hours waiting to go back.

That is not so bad as having to wait 2 hours to get out there tho’, but still, it is ridiculous.

If they are that far behind, maybe the rank should get off their a**** and help the escort teams catch up! That make too much sense tho’!

Our visits are just not a priority to these people and that much is more than obvious. Little do they know those visits are the main reason so many guys back here stay cool and in control of their frustrations.

They are never short handed or lacking ranking officers when they are getting ready to gas or beat up someone, NEVER!!!! Gungho then, all about I wanta I wanta!! Then there are always the 4 or 5 officers just standing around to watch the show while they could be escorting people to visit!

Let me move on because I know I can go on forever on this subject. I cannot tolerate it when these people mess with my family and friends. I’m one thing, but they are off limits, period!!!

I want to touch on something else that I find kinda funny. 90% of the people out who are for the death penalty have a real cowardly way going about their beliefs. Not all but most.

I sat here the other day reading all the names and messages on my petition and EVERY SINGLE NEGATIVE message was comments like “fry the b******”, “Is the guy dead yet?”, “People who stickup for murders are the lowest kind!” Yet not one of these people choose to leave a real e-mail address or anything else. How cowardly is that?

Okay, you want me dead. I would think you could find a more civil way to express your feelings. What would be wrong with “I believe that you are guilty and deserve to be executed”?

“Fry the b******???” I mean that is cruel not only to me, but my family. Would you say that to my mother…my wife, my daughter? NO, you would not, because you are a coward.

I have very mixed feelings about this. Don’t get me wrong. I think about someone hurting my baby and I see red for real. I can respect someone who believes in the death penalty, this is America and it is everyone’s free choice to believe what they will.

I am more than willing to discuss the death penalty with anyone out there. Let’s try and do it in a civilized manner, tho’. Besides, when you get out there with those ignorant comments, it is hard to convince people who are already against the death penalty.

Argue your points across. I will say out of the 300 plus signatures, only about 5 were negative and not one of those five left an answering e-mail address.

So thank you all for you support.

Alright, I will end this one here. Please stay in strength and keep fighting the good fight. No fight worth fighting is ever easy.

The Death Penalty in America will end someday, just stay strong and believe you are the one who can make the difference to tip the scales of justice and end this mass slaughtering!

God Bless you all and keep you safe.

Standing Tall and Fading All
In solidarity,
Richard Michael Cartwright

The following are words from P Knight

“The following comments are the cranial discharge of an illiterate genius and social extrovert. Should these comments offend any person employed by or married and/or related to any person employed by the Texas Department of Criminally unjust….I mean Criminal Justice, please understand, I DON’T CARE! Refer any comments or complaints to Mr. P Knight, , if it is a complaint, include you address, so I can have my baby sister beat you up! 

Oh, what a wonderful place we do reside in! If you have not heard about the November suicide of young Mr. Tumblin or if you have please listen to a first hand account of what truly happened.

I cannot say what Tumblin’s mindset was. Who could other than he. He was already sent to Jester 4 Unit the week before, after he ingested large amounts of medication in his initial suicide attempt.

I don’t know how other people would interpret this action, but to me it says he’s…um, well let’s see…SUICIDAL.

I won’t argue with a man’s belief or desire to kill himself when they are living in the conditions we do. Suicide can save you family prolonged pain and suffering while we sit in here. Plus, it robs the State of a victim for their Chamber of Death and steals away the prosecutor’s media circus before, during and immediately after our executions.

So a week after the first attempt, Mr. Tumblin came back from disciplinary court facing yet another bogus case against Mr. Tumblin in a long standing campaign of harassment against him by these people in gray.

Now, understand Tumblin received plenty of cases he was guilty of but he did his time and only wanted to go to Level on and see his mother on a special visit. This is when the people in gray decided to put their foot on his neck.

Mr. Tumblin was put in cage number 58 at around 4:00 p.m.

I was placed in the recreation cage at around 4:30 p.m.

At 5:38 p.m., Officers G and T came to E Section to feed us our evening slop. After repeated calling Tumblin to the door and banging on the door with the steel slot bar, Mrs. G asked for the cell lights to be turned on.

When the lights illuminated Tumblin’s body, both officers screamed and became panicked.

CO G called for rank. She yelled for the picked officer to call for rank, because her brief visual of Tumblin gave her the impression he had not only hung himself, but also cut his throat.

Note, up to this point, no medical staff had been called for.

At 5:43 p.m., nearly 35 officers including several Lieutenants and four or six Sergeants arrived. Lt. K told Sgt. P to spray pepper gas on Tumblin. Sgt. P followed these orders twice, possibly three times. The crowded bodies blocked my view for the moment.

At 5:46 p.m. everyone around 58 cage were coughing and sneezing because the idiots forgot to get gas masks, so they sent for some.

Note, at this time no medical staff had been called for.

At 5:48-49 p.m., officer (CO III) B returned with the appropriate masks.

At 5:51 p.m., Tumblin’s door was opened and he was cut down.

At 5:54 p.m., after many of the officers present had paraded in and out of 58 cage to see the body, Lt. D, finally, called for medical personnel.

At 5:58, two nurses came in to E-Section. I could only see Mr. Tumblin’s feet at this time. One Nurse stepped into the cell and immediately stood back up and shook her head.

The other nurse stepped in and only stood over the body then stepped out to allow the officers to lift Mr. Tumblin’s body to a waiting gurney at which point the second nurse check Mr. Tumblin’s pulse in his neck. Again, she shook her head and they slowly walked him by me out and of the section.

They waited by the door for a few moments speaking to each other then they took his body off the pod. It was now 6:10 p.m. when he was removed for the pod.

Let me add a few things to this.

1. At no time were any of us convicts quiet. We were yelling for medical staff from the moment we realized the guards were not.
2. Though procedure does require staff to use pepper spray to keep individual from faking death only to assault officers as they come in, the slow reactions and excessive use of spray could cost a person their life.
3. The complete unprofessionalsm of the use of the staff that day is not a singular incident. That is everyday.

Now of course TDCJ reported to the press and to Mr. Tumblin’s family that they took and performed every ‘heroic’ effort to revive Mr. Tumblin. That is the way of TDCJ.

I can back my account of this tragic incident with statements from other men who were on E Pod E Section at the time and, believe it or not, by a few officers who were sickened my what happened.

One who I’ll not name, except to say said officer was traumatized and actually shed tears as Mr. Tumblin was pushed past. I thank you for you show of humanity and compassion.

Let us not venture too deep towards the Darkside. Nay, let’s not. In fact, we’ll stay off the subject of Maj. N a**.

But speaking of Capt. W, let me please relate why I was on Level 2 to begin with. I was snitched on by Mr. B and given a case of Drunk Driving. That’s ‘Possession of an Alcoholic Beverage’ to you on the outside.

Anyway, as I entered the office of Capt. W, I voiced my protest to him being the Death Row Capt. and being the Disciplinary Capt. For Death Row. He can’t do that.

It’s the same as a D.A. being a judge, too.

He shrugged off my protest and proceeded to convict me, however, I have 14 years under my belt therefore, I’m only marginally stupid which is twice as smarter ‘dan ‘dem.

After requesting proof that there was alcohol present in the bottle, they presented as evidence and them failing to do so and Sgt. P admitting that it didn’t smell like alcohol, Capt. W dismissed the confounded Sgt. And puzzled quietly over how to punish someone who proved their innocence.

I gloated too early, because he started the tape and stated “at this time, I’m altering the charge to ‘possession of contraband’ i.e. ‘candy in juice’ to which I politely yelled, “That’s bull****, you can’t do that!”

He informed me of my right to appeal his decision through the grievance system, which everyone here knows replies are handled by a trained monkey in a cage somewhere with a rubber stamp.

I grievanced it. Sure enough, my grievance was denied.

However, when I spoke to Warden J face to face and explained what went down, to his credit, he check into it and gave my level back 37 days early, because

1. Capt. W was not supposed to be over Disciplinary.
2. Capt. W could not alter a charge to find me guilty because I proved I was innocent of the initial charge.
3. Candy in juice is no contraband.

May I please state some facts here about the now and the then? A tour group came to catch a visual of Death Row and the infamous Death Watch cells. I noted there were around 10 or 11 women and 1 man. Now I could be wrong. That 1 man could have been an ugly bald headed woman, if so I do apologize.

Some Lieutenant was giving some prewritten script extolling the virtues of these ‘heroic’ guards and those bestial inmates. He explained how – in this fantasy version – our days were conducted and how fairly and humanly we were treated.

What was funny was that whoever this Lieutenant was in all my years on Death Row, I’ve never seen that dud before. What the heel would he know about somewhere he’s never been? Only what he’s heard, only what he’s read. H***, I’ve read Kung-Fu books and seen Jackie Chan movies, that doesn’t mean I can tell you about China. That fool would probably tell you Ted Bundy was on C-Pod.

FACT: On this unit no man can leave his assigned cage, dayroom or recreation hole unless he is handcuffed with tow officers armed with pepper gas to escort him wherever he may go.

FACT: On Ellis 1 Unit, 60 men were released from their assigned cages, uncuffed, unbound, all at the same moment, with only one officer to oversee them.

FACT: On Polunsky Unit Officers threatened to quit if Death Row were given a work program allowing us to move around as porters to clean and painters. Even the big male officers who workout and talk all that B.S. threatened to quit.

FACT: On Ellis, that one guard who was overseeing those 60 men who were uncuffed and moving about freely. That guard was usually a female and most times she was in later stages of pregnancy.

FACT: Since Death Row was put on the Polunsky Unit, the incidence of assaults towards officers and convicts have quadrupled. Yet, it still does not amount to 15% of what happens in population.

FACT: There are 20 times the amount of men in population that have even more heinous crimes than on Death Row. Murderer, Rapists, Child Molester, Serial Killers.

FACT: There are men on Death Row who are first time offenders, never had trouble with the laws and didn’t even commit the actual act of murder. They’re partner did. Yet Gary Ridgeway, one of the notorious Serial Killers in history, confessed to killing over 48 women and showing where most of the unfound bodies were is where? In Population with a life sentence because why? He’d helped police solve the cases. That is the American Justice System.

FACT: There is a man on Death Row here whose partner/friend confessed to killing a woman, confessed he was alone when he did it, wrote a note to his friend apologizing because the cops would take his truck ‘cause it was used in the crime. The judge in the trial during trial stated to the DA ‘So basically you have no real proof against this man’, yet he still got the Death Sentence. He’s a 21-year Army Veteran who served in BOTH Iraq wars and was in other Combat Hot Countries in between those wars. He was going to sin back up after spending the summer with his son. Don’t believe me? His name is Cleve Foster SFC, Retired out of Ft. Worth. Look on the internet and see for yourself. That is the Texas Justice System.

Let us now spin away from those dark thoughts to enjoy some poetry inspired by the years spent watching brother after brother and a few sisters get murdered.

I thank you for your time and understanding. Please enjoy my musings written normally during a bout of inebriation….oh…of the spiritual sense that is :). I’ve been called Schizophrenic (a Psychotic Disorder) and labeled as having Multiple Personality Disorder. They are actually quite fun and we are never alone.

In Multiple Unity with myself and anyone who wants to join me/us in a blissful reprieve of a psychotic episode.

‘DO IT FOR JOHNNY MAN, FOR JOHNNY!!’

Respectfully
P Knight
and friends!! LSU #1”

The following is from C Young,

“I wrote an article for ‘Uncensored’ back in February on the 6th. It was about recent suicides.

One of the points that I made in my last article was how everyone who has killed themselves, I know them. Well, I will be d****d if it didn’t happened again.

On March 10th and ad-seg inmate hum himself.

Richard has already written about this event, though he didn’t know any of the details. They guy who hung himself only had 6 months ‘til it was time for him to go home (so I was told).

The officers did attempt to save his life. He died in route to the hospital. His death was a matter of minutes and seconds.

I did not know his name, but I did speak to him once. He was not really all with us upstairs. I got the impression that he was burnt out from drugs.

Many might wonder why someone who was going home in 6 months would and it all. Well, maybe he was going to be homeless in 6 months.

When an average offender’s time is up, they get a hundred dollars and a bus ticket. Wherever the offender goes is up to him. Some have nowhere to go, so they hit the streets, then the cycle repeats itself. Drugs, crime and back to prison!

I do not know who I have p**** of in my life. But I am tried of my neighbors killing themselves!

Since I am on Death Row and he was in seg., we were housed on different sections. Though we can still communicate. It is all a sad situation.

Now to switch topics, I want to talk about Richard and his situation. I talked to him at visit on the 26th of March. He was two booths down from me, visiting his wife and daughter.

I was visiting my wife.

I looked down and when I looked back up, his daughter was standing behind my wife smiling and waving at me.

I smiled and waved back.

Now I do not have any kids, so I cannot even begin to attempt to try to guess what Richard is going through. (My wife has a five year old daughter who I have grown close to.)

I could see in the reflection of a glass window, as he visited his family, has well as hear him. I saw and heard a very proud man.

I laughed as him and his daughter danced a little dance they have :). After all it is not everyday I see a guy dancing like a chicken :) Ha-Ha!

When the visitors left, I looked at the glass and saw him holding his head as the emotional weight took its toll. I knew he would have enough time to think when he got back to his cell.

So I hollered at him. I wanted to tell him it will be all right, but I respect the man too much to be to him. Many people rely on hope to carry them through this struggle.

-Friedrich Nietzsche wrote ‘Hope is the worst of evils for it prolongs the torment of man.’-

The truthfulness of his words is up for debate. Though my experiences in life cause me to agree with him. The reality is we are all here to be murdered by the State. After we die our families will then be ‘family members of a murder victim’.

So the cycle goes on. The pain doesn’t stop. No one wins.

True some will get pleasure from having so called Revenge! In the Nichomacheon Ethics of Aristotle, he wrote about revenge as ‘men regard it as their right to return evil for evil – and, if they cannot, feel they have lost this liberty.’

This stands true in the American Society. ‘He done this, so I got to do this’, way of thinking. Keep the cycle going!

Well, I am drifting from the point.

When I was talking to Richard, he informed me of all the people who are fighting for him. I could tell that he really appreciates it all!

Now I was housed in the death watch section for two weeks. I did not have a date. I was housed in a management cell for security reasons. Basically, a management cell is a secured cell. It has plexi glass on the door and the sides are welded up. Like a Level III cell in F-Pod.

Well, I had an associate on Death Watch with a date to die. All I could think about was getting moved before they killed him. I jacked dayrooms, got gassed and the whole nine yards. They still kept putting me back in the same cell. Though after 2 weeks they finally moved me.

While over there, I got to talk to several of the guys waiting to die. There were 12. A few expressed a lot of hope. One eve said ‘they are not going to kill me’. All 12 were executed!

A few talked about how a lot of people have joined their team to fight for them. I could only wonder ‘is it too late?’

It is not that I have a negative attitude. I face reality.

I do not think that many in the outside world fully grasp how the cards are actually stacked against us. I mean we are dealing with a court system that has ruled that ‘Innocence does not matter so long as the defendant got a fair trial.’ Fairness is judged by who’s holding the gun.

I am drifting again!

I have not known Richard for that long. He is on of those people who when you first meet him, you automatically like him.

After getting back to my cell from visit, I though about his daughter, my stepdaughter and both of our situations.

As the tears stung my eyes, I could only think ‘Is it too late?’

No matter what, the fight must go on. A lot of people get involved in the death penalty struggle by becoming friends with a convict on the row. When he gets executed, they loose interest a lot of times. Just too much pain!

There is a story about a little girl who was walking along a beach. She saw dozens of starfish stranded on the beach, so she began to run and throw them back in the water as fast as she could. An old man was watching her the whole time.

He called out ‘little girl, what are you doing?’

She replied ‘trying to save the starfish’ and the man said ‘but you can not possibly save them all!’

The girl then said ‘I know, but as long as I save just one, then I have made a difference’.

No matter what happens, you can’t give up. If you give up, the system wins.

My point is this. To all who are fighting for Richard, I as well as everyone else, that have love and respect for him, really appreciate it.

If the worst-case scenario occurs, don’t loose focus. Use what you learned from him and his experience to guide you through the next battle.

Many battles will be lost before the war is won. If you give up, then every battle fought was in vain.

In a speech by Winston Churchill in 1940, he said ‘Victory at all costs, Victory in spite of all terror. Victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.’

Use the pain to fuel the fire.

In my 21 years on this earth, I have been through a lot of pain and faced death more times than a man ever should. (‘It is the price you pay, for the game you play’) In my 21 years no one has ever broke me down more than that eight-year-old baby girl waving and smiling. For her sake and all the others out there like her, don’t give up!

I am including a piece of my writings that Richard wanted. It is titled:

-‘Happiness?’-

As I sit in my anger, staring out at the glazed finish of happiness, I feel somewhat dazed by the danger of the misconception that I experience from hope. How can I place faith in an event that has yet to transpire?

It is all really an illusion used to deceive ourselves? How much of our happiness is true? To smile while crying seems far too easy. We lock away unwanted feelings and build up mental walls in order to block out emotion.

It seems that in this day in time, everyone has the potion of happiness.

What is true and what is false?

What is simple for one is so very complicated for the next. All near and far repeat ‘Oh, if I had only one wish!’

So many smiles, yet so many tears. All are happy, yet all complain.

What is it about the shiny surface of happiness that causes so many to hurt? So many kill, rape, robe, deal to get it. The harder they try, the further they fall from it.

As I sit in my anger staring out at the glazed finish of happiness, I decide that I am contempt right where I am at.

C Young #
Polunsky Unit – Death Row

P.S. Chi-Town, I heard all the ‘Calvin Klein Model’ comments that you have been making about me. We do not need all that jealousy. :)

By the way, I heard they are about to start selling Rogaine on commissary. Seeing how you are the ‘before treatment’ model for Rogaine, I figured you could hook Rick up with a few bottles :) Ha-Ha!

Stand tall, fade all, NEVER fall!

C Young,
Polunsky Unit – Death Row

abelle

04-11-2005, 01:21 PM

Thank you again for writing and posting this here. I wish you all much strength. A'belle

Kyla

04-11-2005, 03:56 PM

I was reading how they keep people waiting for up to three hours for visits.... this is an outrage :angry:
I hope they dont make me wait three hours, I will be pacing and pulling my hair out.
Slcookie, when you visited, how long did you have to wait?

haswtch

04-11-2005, 06:13 PM

These guys have a great deal to tell us all that is very important, thank you for helping them do it!

sclcookie

04-11-2005, 06:30 PM

I had a Saturday visit. You have to call in advance to make arrangements for the 5:30 p.m. visit or the 7:30 p.m. visit. And you need to be there between 4 and 4:30 p.m. to wait to have your car searched. If your the first car, you'll park in the grass outside the driveway of the prison and wait for them to call you in for the searches.

Then after your car is searched you go in the front to let them know who your visiting and they give you a visitors badge, then you wait again 'til they call for visits.

It's my understanding that Monday through Friday visits aren't like that.

I'm going back down that way on the 23rd, btw.

Kyla

04-11-2005, 07:23 PM

Suzanne
I will be there on the 23rd, I am not sure what time though, if it will be the early or the later visits. I will be there on the 25th and 26th for special four hour visits as well (no car thank goodness). Maybe I should get there at 8am to make sure I have him out by lunch :(

sclcookie

04-12-2005, 08:08 AM

I'm not sure which time I'll be visiting Rich....gotta week to figure it out

Whoever your visiting won't care if they miss a meal for visitation. And if you have the extra change you can bring coins ($20.00) in a clear lunch bag/zip lock bag and by food for your friend.....better than what they are getting inside.

No paper money.

shimmer29

04-12-2005, 08:24 AM

SCL, do you know what is happening, if anything, in terms of Richard Cartwright's efforts to avoid execution? Is anything POSITIVE going on? I've not heard anything lately (not that I would) but wondered if you could give us a status update. It's so difficult not knowing if anything we've done has come to any good, and depressing to realize it probably won't.

Any updates you can provide would be appreciated.

Michelle :)

itscindergirl

04-12-2005, 03:38 PM

Its hard to put yourself in this position to even think of what they must go thru everyday. I feel so helpless when I read these words if only texas could feel any thing they would know that not all are bad and not all deserve to die by their hands. No one has a right to judge them other than god but then I forgot texas is god. I just want to say I admire you all for every word you write and to keep a sense of humor in this time amazes me but you do. God bless and hear you

jeffsprincess

04-15-2005, 07:11 AM

Richard, you are an inspiration to many and your words are real and from the heart. The way you talk about your daughter, brings tears to my eyes. I keep you and your family in my thoughts everyday.

sclcookie

04-15-2005, 04:38 PM

I wish I knew more. I'll I know is everyone is still fighting and searching for different avenues to help save Rich.

sclcookie

04-17-2005, 05:58 AM

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

Rich wanted this at the top of his Uncensored from Lonnie

"04/10/2005

P B

I received your message from the Prison Show 4/8/05. Just a not to let you know I'm thinking about you.

I'm patiently awaiting our visit and the day when I can tell you to your face, 'I love you with all my heart and soul!! Take care.

Love,
Lonnie"
April 05, 2005

G’evening to all.

As I was staring blankly at my calendar, today, as I find myself doing far too often, lately, I realized I’m at the “half-way” mark. I was told 90 days in advance about my up and coming date with death and today is the 45th day. It has been a rough 45 days and I’m sure the next 45 will be even harder.

Really the main reason I felt motivated to sit down and write this evening is because even tho’ I’m going through the hardest time in my life, I feel very blessed and lucky. The overwhelming, and yes it is overwhelming, support that I have been getting has really made a tremendous difference not only to me, but my family, also.

How much easier it would be to quietly slip into a blue-funk, depression, suicidal mind-set, like so many others have without the tremendous support I’m being shown.

As I stated in my last article, I am really struggling in the stamp department (and no this is NOT a solicitation for funds). We are only allowed to purchase a set amount of stamps every 2 weeks regardless of what money we have. Unfortunately the set amount is a far cry short to allow me to keep up with all the loving and supportive letters I’ve been getting, not to mention writing my family. I feel somewhat “generic” thanking y’all as a group through my Uncensored but at the time my choices are limited.

Let me say a few words of thanks to some people:

Esther from Germany….your letters are always so uplifting along with your pearls of wisdom and poems. Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.

The THUNDER DOWN UNDER…I do not have the words to say how much I appreciate all you have done for me and continue to try doing for me. Karen, thank you. You are a real angel.

Daniel. Hey bud, how ya doing? Please keep sending the spiritually lifting verses for me to look up. They give me much strength and peace. Thank you.

Darla, you’re rock solid in you faith and help me stay the same. Keep your faith.

Sylvia, thank you so very much for the beautiful Easter Card and religious writings.

Brenda, thank you for the beautiful card and the encouraging words. How can I give up hope? You have been through so much with your personal loss with Jasen and you still have hope. I would not dare tarnish his memory by giving up hope. Thank you for the kick in the butt. I surely did need it! :)

Holly, thank you for the “girlie card” HA!HAH!HA! I will more than likely draw Ricki a picture of the lil fairy princess! :) I know she’ll love it.

Megan, we’ve never written, but your letter touched my heart dearly. Thank you for your support and compassion.

Valeria, thank you for the lil chicken Easter card and the beautiful picture of you lil Anna. She is a real doll.

Jana, wow! It has been ages since I last heard from you. Thank you for taking the time to write your encouraging words and absolutely wonderful poem.

Jay…What’s up you wild youngster? HA!HA!HA! My mom sent your great words and wild photos. Her words were…hmmm…let me see…and I quote “This young man that is writing me (Jay) is not even 20. His whole person reminds me of a young you.” Jay, thank you for giving your time to my mother and myself. Also, loved the photos. I hope you mom is as understanding as my mom was when I was younger and making my statements in the “fashion form”! :) It is nice to see someone so young take a strong stance in such serious issues. You give me much hope.

Jennie, what’s up girl? Hey, I just got your letter about the Christian Punk Rock you are trying to get pumped through the airwaves my way! Right on. I will do my best to pass this on to many others to get a bigger audience than just me, eh?

There are still so many letters scattered about my cell so please do not take it personal if I missed anyone.

My on-line petition seems to be steadily climbing in numbers, also. I feel good that I’m not only drawing attention to myself, but to the Texas Death Row as a whole. The Texas judicial system as a whole!! Guilty or innocent, the way the system goes about getting its convictions is nothing less than scandalous. The treatment prisoners face daily once incarcerated is completely inhuman.

Even the ones who are lucky enough to make parole are put out there designed to fail. They release you with a bus ticket and $100! HA!HAH!AH! Good luck buddy, se ya in a couple of months. We sure need you “slave-labor”!

I really felt the reality in that when I wrote a friend of mine in population who has been in TDCJ since 1983 and he is due up for mandatory release. He has absolutely no family out there, all have passed away and he wrote me and said “Hey dog, I’m gonna be homeless in a few months!!!” How long will he remain on the outside? How far can you get on a 100 spot?

Lets try to talk about a little better news for a minute. Back to the Supreme Courts Ruling that “juvenile killers” can no longer be executed. The exact number of juveniles on Texas Death Row is 28!!! WOW!!!! 28 lives saved that quickly.

Now since the death penalty was reinstated back in 1976, 22 juveniles have been executed, of course out of those 22, 13 were in Texas! Damn, notice how Texas seems to lead in every aspect of humane murder???

Of course the VICTIM’S RIGHTS Groups are outraged and calling for their blood justice. I guess for a 17-year-old kid to rot his entire life away in prison is just not justice enough.

I cannot believe their own ignorance. How can they not realize the death penalty just adds more victims to the whole scene? How can they be so self-righteously blind in this? It sickens and angers me.

What is with the Texas Death Penalty? Last year Texas murdered, humanely of course, 23 people. Ohio ran in a not-so-close second place with 7 executions. Once again, Texas is in the lead.

I do not know if I mentioned the Mexican Nationals here on the row are finally going to get some action due to Texas’ lack of following the constitutional rights of others. See as a Mexican National, once you are arrested, you are supposed to be told you have a right to contact the Mexican Conciliate. H***, in Texas even when some of the Mexican Nationals asked to speak with their Conciliate, they were still denied.

Yet, when Gov. Perry was asked if it was finally time for a moratorium, he immediately refused. What is he scared of?

Here is another little TDCJ IDIOUSYNCRASY. I received a copy of the “ECHO” which is a newspaper published by prisoners, but of course, unlike my articles, very censored by the powers-to-be. On the front page, there is an article “SAFE PRISONS PROGRAM FOCUSES ON ZERO SEXUAL ASSAULTS”.

HA!AH!HAH!HAH! I have to laugh at the timing for this particular article. Rape and prison go hand in hand and always have and always will. There are sexual predators in here just like there are sexual predators out there in the free world. A rapist is a rapist, no?

This is a weird and touchy subject, but I’m going to go forth with it anyway, Uncensored, right?

Now, prison is full of young and old men and women alike. Sexual assaults will happen. Now sexual assaults here in TDCJ are getting ready to increase tenfold and you can go ahead and write that in stone.

TDCJ has decided that no longer can a prisoner receive any type of pornography books, pictures….nothing. How much more sexual tension will build up due to the lack of….release. I think June is the month they have decided to take away all pornography material. Now get this, they say they are doing it because it is detrimental to rehabilitation!!!

Now answer me this. With the above statement how can they rightfully take away pornography from death row prisoners? Giving us a death sentence was the states way of saying we are absolutely unrehabilitatable, right?

See, they do what they want. I find that they, in their actions, are actually promoting more prisoner sexual assaults by taking away one of the forms of release of sexual tension.

Well, I can ramble on, that’s for sure.

Well, I am expecting some articles from some other men this week so I will wait to send this in until the end of the week.

Words from Alexander Martinez, #999428

April 7, 2005 @ 9:02 a.m.
Thursday Morning
Texas Death Row

“I have been wanting to share this with the people that read on this site something that happened about a week and a half ago. I have been a little busy and so this is something I saw from my window and I just hope that me speaking out here will not bring any kind of retaliation.

At times I will roll up my mattress and fold my blankets up and put that on top of my rolled up mattress so that I can see out my window. The window is right at the top of the cell and so I was looking out there and just getting a little sunshine and watching the endless officers and inmates walking on the runways. I have this view where I see the chain buses come in. I see the chow hall in the distance. I see people leave from the visits and all.

Well, this one day I was looking out there and as I was looking at the chow hall, I see this officer talking to this inmate that just came out of the chow hall. Then, the inmate was taking off his shirt and pants along with his socks and shoes.

So, I’m thinking here, what is this? Shaking him down right there in front of everyone? Then, I assume the officer told him to hand him his boxers as well, because he took them off and I was like what the h*** is going on here!!!??

I couldn’t believe that he was butt-naked out there on the walkway where everyone is walking around them and can see this man in his birthday suit!!!

He does the turn around and does the whole routine when being shaked down (striped searched).

So then he puts on his clothes and he carries on……

Too many would think that the officer was doing his job, maybe suspected that the said inmates was hiding something and/or stealing food. Whatever the reason it may be. But I have done time in population before and I know how the officers pretty much think and do.

No matter what the officer thought or suspected the inmate was doing, there was no reason to strip search this man in front of everyone to that extent!!! To demean him as a human being, simply because he is an inmate who they feel it’s their job to make it as hard as they can on everyone in here as possible.

You know what is so strange about all this? Because if you are in your cell washing off from sweating at rec., and you just want to get a little washed off ‘til they come around with the showers, and you are nude in your cell, and if they run up on you while you are doing this, they will take offense and demand that you put your clothes on. You have a towel up and they cry about having a towel up, because they cant’ see in your cell. There is no winning here!!

And the officer that sees you in your own cell if they are this real h*** on bent in making it hard on inmates, they could write that up as masturbating in public, which there have been guys in here that are simply using the restroom and the officer walks up and sees them using the restroom and in their mind, they are thinking that we did that on purpose and get wrote up for a code #20.

No matter what you say in your defense, you are going to F-Pod!

The reason I am telling you this is because here you are in your cell taking a bird bath or doing whatever you are doing and they take offense and threaten you with a case (write up), yet, an officer can pull you over in front of everyone, even where the Infirmary is where women nurses walk to and from all buildings, women officers and plain clothes people alike and strip search you to your birthday suit, have you spread them (a term that we use when they tell you to spread you butt-cheeks for inspections) and the whole routine, it’s ok?

Am I the only one that sees this contradiction on the rules, here?

I know that officers take advantage of those that are in population, because they know that most of them that are out there have something else to lose, either coming up for parole or getting out in short time, so they know that the inmate will be very submissive to their degrading remarks and demeaning treatments.

All an officer has to do is provoke an inmate to be showing aggressive nature like raising his voice, when trying to make his point and the officer will slam him and say he was in fear for his life or felt threatened and used force!!! Sometimes even saying that he was struck by the said inmate and had to us force, and charges will be filed against that inmate and you can be assured that he is going to get extra time stacked on the sentence he has now.

I remember this time when I was at the prison Unit Hughes in Gatesville, Texas and I was in my cell and this officer came around showering people. I don’t know what caused the conflict to where the inmate and officer had between them, but I do know what I saw was wrong and provoked by the officer!!!

He (officer) began talking s*** to the inmate and pushed him (inmate) back by bumping him with his body.

The inmate knew that if he was to push him off or away, that the officer then could justify a Use of Force, so the inmate allowed the officer to push him all the way to the wall.

Then I saw the officer use a key and poke the inmate in his side and continued to do this and then the inmates tried to hold the officer’s hand back, and that’s when the officer grabbed the inmate and slammed him down and starting hitting him.

Other officers came in and jumped on him as well.

That was the first time I saw this and there was a second time. There were more, but I only witnessed these 2 times, here.

So the last time I heard or seen anything was when again, they were running showers and I heard a lot of commotion in another section and I was out of my cell this time so I walked to the door that crosses over to the other section and looked into the window and saw the same officer and same inmate and this time, the officer had his shirt off and they were straight up fist fighting!!

I have to say that the inmate was getting a few good licks in and the officer was really mad because of this.

It wasn’t long before the officers from other pods and buildings ran into this section and jumped on the inmate.

That’s when the officer that he was fighting with came in and started punching him in the face.

My whole point here is that to survive in here in population is to be more than strong physically, but mentally, because your goal is to make it out of here, do what you can to make it out of here, even allowing officers that are making it a point to demean you as a human being, and if they can, get you more time, than they have done their duty!!!

I have heard statements like ‘You all pay my bills!’ ‘If there wasn’t a prison, I wouldn’t have this job!’

Don’t get me wrong, there are some officers that treat you like a human being and I think it’s very strong of them to do this, because the officers that do hate us and think of us as scum give those that are good natured a hard time.

I see that anywhere in the world or situation, they’re people who sympathize with the underdog.

I have to admit, I’m not strong enough to put up with any degrading or inhuman treatment and I would react in same!!! I cannot get myself to stand there and have someone in my face talking s*** or telling me what they are going to do to me. Even if I’m going home or looking at parole.

That has always been my problem. Those that stand up for themselves against this treatment end up in seg. labeled as trouble makers. Even if you go about it the right way, you are labeled as a trouble maker.

Just a final though before I go. I think it’s obvious that the rules are only used when it is convenient as however it is beneficial to them.

Like the strip searching in public where everyone can see. They could have walked him to the back of the chow hall out of plain sight, but that wasn’t the real intention of the strip search! The real intention was that there is nothing you can do about it, to demean him as a human being, and could be that the officer was getting his kicks off of doing this.

Thank you for your time and ‘til next time, if I have anything else to speak on, I will write it.

Oh, and if I’m retaliated on for speaking the truth here, I have faith Cartwright will notify you all on what happened.

Alexander Martinez”

Well, hello again…It is April 10, 2005. I did try and send this last weeks Uncensored out last Thursday morning on the 7th, but the mailroom did not like the way I wrote my return address so instead of sending it back to me Thursday night so I could post it off Friday, they waited until Friday night to send it back so I would have to wait until Monday to post it again.

First Suzanne’s computer was getting hacked, once successfully and the other times, Suze got on their ass and turned them away with her computer wizardry ways that she tried to explain to me, but lost me with the first two words.

Anyway, I have the need to write so this will just be an extra long Uncensored article. Didn’t cha all feel so lucky!! YEAH, RIGHT!!

Well, as most of you probably know, there are two executions scheduled for April 20, 2005. Doug Roberts and Milton Mathis.

Once, again I gotta watch this s*** go down and play out. The dance with death is here on the row is a slow and cold dance and it hurts to watch the effects it has on people you have grown to care about.

Yes, we care!! Some of us anyway.

Now Doug, he has always been an introverted type so one cannot really see what is going on in his mind. He has been talking a lot more tho’. Usually if you do not hallo at Doug, you won’t hear from him but once every couple of weeks. He likes his solitude.

Now let me talk about Mathis, AKA YOUNGBLOOD!!! Man, this dude is one cool youngster. I’ve grown to really like the guy.

I don’t know what y’all might see if you look at the guy, but I know what is inside this guys heart. He is really going through a very very trying and tough time mentally as his date approaches.

I asked him if hi would mind if I wrote about it and he said cool. He is busy writing to family and friends. He is short, he has 10 days left from today….nine days and a wake-up and that’s all she wrote.

Youngblood is usually a very vociferous person and always laughing and joking and a die-hard work out guy. When he is in the day room for his hour, he, up until a week ago, was always doing pushups, pullu8p8s, while playing chess with someone. :)

Lately he goes out to the dayroom and sits down on the steel stool and talks. Talks about the pain his mother is going through. Talks about his younger brother. Talks about trying to get right with God, asking, “Do you think it is too late?”

His whole persona has changed. He walks slumped over with no bounce in his step. It is like death has already descended upon him and is sucking the life out of him from the inside out, and I watch this, and I think, man, I got 39 and a wake-up!

When will the transformation take place? Will I go through that? How can one sleep knowing he is going to be put to death in ten days! F*** sleep, I want to live what life I got left; hence the black/purplish circles under his eyes.

How many more?

Well, after these two, the next date scheduled is Lonnie Pursley on May 3rd. D***, I was Lonnie’s neighbor in solitaire when he first drove up. We are neighbors now!

We try and joke about what we are facing. It beats crying.

Yesterday, we were talking about making our commissary lists out for Tuesday and he said something to the effect of “Man I need to get this much of something or another to last me until my date. I do not want to get too much because than I will have to leave it to you!” HA!HA!HAH!HAH!HAH!

Of course we both busted out in laughing fits, but the s*** really is not that funny. Than again sitting around crying and feeling sorry for oneself is not going to change things either. We laugh in the face of death because that is all we have left of our sanity, or is it a form of insanity?

I do not want to think about it too long one way or the other! I do not believe dying will be hard; it is the waiting and watching others who you’ve grown close to die. Watching your mother age 20 years right before your eyes in the space of 2 months. H***, it makes you not want a stay because that just puts all your loved ones through this hell and then the last minute they give you a stay.

Don’t get me wrong, self-preservation is to live!! Man, it is a no win situation in so many ways. This situation is getting way way too personal for the likes of me. 39 and a wake up to go.

As a write, I hope I do not sound defeated or that I’ve lost hope, because I am far from that. I’m just sharing what is going through my mind as I watch one by one of my friends, acquaintances, and yes, enemies from times past MURDERED by the State.

Enemies? Man at this point, there is only one enemy…that enemy is the blood justice. Past wrongs have no place in death watch. Petty fights or arguments are of fools who can’t let go, let go of their egos and pride. You can’t get to heaven on pride!! Nor will your ego get you there.

Pride, ego…..your fight game…silly a** s*** at this point. H***, when on thinks about it, it’s silly a** s*** at any point, but prison has been prison for hundreds of years and the principals have never changed, and never will.

The death penalty moves on claiming lives and feeding the hungry masses of justice.

I want to write a little about a very special woman I am extremely lucky to call my friend. I can’t remember a time without her by my side to give me strength and often swift kicks in the ass when needed. No, Suzanne, not you smart-a**, I’m talking about Missy.

Hi MISSY MOUSE!!!

A lot of people for the death penalty have negative things to say about free-world people who support and defend us “murderers” in prison. Remember this line for later

Now, Missy, one of the “bleeding hearts” to stereo type her, is one of the most beautiful and loving people I have ever been fortunate enough to meet in my life. She just recently went in to see if she was a match to donate a kidney to a dying 4-year-old girl.

Low and behold she is a match. She will have to go through some extremely long and thorough medical tests to make sure she is healthy enough…but where…I ask you, where would this world be without the “MISSY MOUSE” of the world? She is going to give life to this dying baby girl out of kindness. She does not know this girl; all she knew getting into this was the baby girl would die without a kidney donor.

Now, Missy is a very active person. She plays women’s ice hockey, works out, rides a motorcycle….a lot of things she will not be able to do for a long long time if she passes all her medical exams and donates this kidney. Amazing, no?

Missy, I just wanted to tell you in front of the world that you rock! You are an awesome woman with a heart bigger and brighter than the sun. I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You have made such a difference, not only in my life, but I’m sure in every person’s life you have ever touched! You’re my Ace Mouse and don’t you ever, ever forget it!! I can still kick you girlie a** on that ice tho’, don’t you doubt that! HA!HAH!HAH!HA! Great Big Chicago Bears Hug for you!

Folks, that is the kind of things that keep me going. So many people have sacrificed their time to drop me lines of encouragement, and being on death row has brought so many loving and caring people into my life, people I would have never met if not for the row.

I ask myself would I have reached out to somebody on the inside if I were in the free world? Of course my honest answer would have to be absolutely not. Death row has brought so many new and much improved insights for me to think about, for me to learn by.

Thank you once again all of you and all your wonderful letters and e-mails. They do make a difference, you can believe that.

Please keep all the men here on the row, their families, and the families of the victims in your prayers.

Let me sign off here with a little you and happiness.

Thanks again Mouse. Incredible is what you are.

P.S. Jennie from MI! Hey Girl. It is 3:09 p.m. and I got you “Shout Out” and heard Remnants “Take me Back”, Head Noise “Never Surrender for John”, Flatfoot 56 “Weary Soldiers” Flatfoot 56 “Amazing Grace”. Thanks for the Punk Rock Love, Sweets! I’m in my cell sweating while I mosh. Catch ya later….Christian Punk Rock. Who’d of though? Just thrashed to “Amazing Grace”. Pretty cool, Jennie. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.

P.P.S. Suzanne, it is 5:47 p.m. and I just got you “Shout Out”! HA! Come get some! You’ve been talking to the Mouse too much!! Thanks for making me feel so special.

From Suzanne Cookston

Please be advised that this space is reserved for the next Uncensored which will be out this weekend.

Being that many read these articles including Anti-Death Penalty advocates and TDCJ employees, I thought I'd add this in order to ensure that I'm being fair to the TDCJ officers mentioned in these Uncensored articles. I know Rich wants to ensure that your view is accurate though Uncensored is through his point of view as he has mention prior.

I just want people to be aware that I have received 5 UOF tapes from TDCJ and from what I viewed, Richard Cartwright's and Lee Taylor's accounts were accurate. I'll provide more information at a later time.

I do have to point out though that from what I viewed that I did NOT witness any excessive UOF by the TDCJ Officers in the tapes and said officers acted very professional according to these tapes.

I must point out that in the tapes that the UOF team blocks much of the view. And in one I hear Rich yelling out that a shield is in his neck, of course you can’t see it because of the view being blocked.

Also, one tape is missing the first part of the UOF.

One tape I have to give the TDCJ officer credit that he attempted to make sure that the camera had as much view of the inmate as possible. Most parts of all the UOFs that this was impossible related to the small areas.

I say that I did not witness any excessive UOF but I really felt for those guys watching those 5 men in armor running in on those guys. I’m sure they were in much pain. That kinda stuff will make your body grow old real quick. I can't imagine having to go through that in order to get my point accross or get what's rightfully mine.

I do have to reiterate that Richard Cartwright and Lee Taylor did give accurate information verified on viewing the tapes that I have.

If you want to obtain these tapes, you can contact TDCJ’s Office of the Inspector General at (936) 437-6534, Huntsville, TX 77342-4003.

Oh, before I forget, I received some e mails these past few days which makes me want to share one reason why I'm against the death penalty. I have 3 boys, a teenager and 2 toddlers. Suppose one of them makes a horrible mistake and ends up killing someone or commits a capital offense. Or suppose one of them has the misfortune of experiencing the reality of injustice and winds up on death row. That would be soooo detrimental to me. I don't want to have to go through what Irene Cartwright is going through.

FYI: There is a wonderful Christian radio station KDOL 96.1 in Livingston, Texas, home of Texas Death Row, that airs special "Shout Out's" to inmates from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. You can call them at (936) 328-8874 or e mail your message to(Please PM member for email address)

Richard M. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

kmlchitown

04-17-2005, 02:00 PM

amazing , missy mouse if you read this you are a awesome person thankyou for all you do , wow so unselfish and hope everything goes alright with the op your in my thoughts and prayers also this must be so hard on you as well , keep up the great fight ...

0x0

suzee

04-17-2005, 06:36 PM

miss mouse...you are an amazing woman....hope all goes well with the operation and you and the lil girl are in the best of health soon after xxx my thoughts are with you

sclcookie

04-18-2005, 04:30 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright April 13, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

When I started writing this Uncensored, I said I would speak my mind and share my feelings with you. Well, now it is coming close to my end, possibly. I’m in a mood of melancholy and just want to speak out. Vent my hurt, anger and frustrations at this time. You want uncensored, uncensored is what you get.

As most of you know who follow my site, I have at this time 37 days left to live and it is playing havoc with my mind.

I had a visit from my ex-wife on the 5th of last week and she seems to think it would be better for all parties involved if my daughter, Ricki, did not see me anymore.

WOW! What the F&%$!!! How does one respond to that? What can I say?

My situation, which Ricki is well informed on, has effected her behaviors n school and at home. My love, my strength, my everything, my lil Angel, Daddy’s lil Girl is being effected in the extreme due to me.

The guilt I feel, the shame…….Needless to say, I did not have much to say to the ex. I could only sit there in utter shock and hurt at the news. I wanted to cuss, scream, shout, but I just sat there and said nothing.

What can I say? Did I really think Ricki was too young to truly understand what is going on?

Man, truth be told, I though yes, she is too young and I was in County Jail before she was even born. I figured maybe since I was never truly there for her when she needed me (i.e. being potty trained, taking her first steps, riding her first bike, blowing out the candle on her first birthday and the list is endless……).

I’ve tried to be as close as I can to her, drawing her pictures of who and what was “cool” to her at the time…Pooh Bear, Nemo, now it is Barbie Dolls….writing her letters..but none of it is sufficient, none of it takes away what is going on with her right now.

My daughter is in pain because of me. What can I say to an 8 year old girl to make her understand? I’m a broken man at this point and I hate myself for the pain I cause and am causing my baby. Nothing I can do can change or take away the pain from my baby’s eyes.

At first I wanted to lash out at her mother. How dare she keep my baby away from me when I need her most.

Read that last line again. When I need her most? Selfish to the end, no?

As I write, tears flow. How can they, no? I’m not ashamed of my tears, they are real. They let me know I ‘m still human in some way.

What will I leave in the wake of my death for my lil girl? How will this effect the rest of her life? What can I possibly do to help her?

As I write this, my hurt and pain consume me…my guilt for what my daughter is going through drains me.

When I had my visit with my mom and Suzanne a few weeks ago, Suzanne wrote a little something about how much Ricki does grasp of the situation. I still did not realize it at the time. In my selfishness, I put my own feeling ahead of what is best for my daughter. Or did I?

I want to blame this on the exes meanness, but I do not think I can at this time. So now where am I? Facing what I have been facing all along, but without being able to lose myself in my daughters laughter for 2 hours a week? Do I deserve time with my daughter?

I have often heard and agreed with the saying that anyone can father a child but few are man enough to be daddies! I fathered a daughter, a beautiful and loving child, but what kind of daddy have I been?

No kind of daddy!! There is a new man in my ex’s life and one who Ricki calls daddy. Maybe one who deserves the title. I’m not there to decide.

Too much pain, too much anguish. I’m lost in my inner thoughts. I’m lost in an emotional wake that threatened to overcome my sanity. I feel absolutely pathetic at the moment.

Am I just feeling sorry for myself, not really. I’m just facing the realities of the situation and for some d*** reason, my d*** a** has decided to share these realities with anyone who gives a good damn about it.

Do I want sympathy? Hell no. I just want to speak. I just want to be heard. I just want to vent.

Do you care? Maybe you believe I deserve all this pain and sorrow and maybe you are right. Believe me when I say I am just scratching the surface with the facts reviled in the past few paragraphs.

My personal relationships are crumbling around me and there is no one at fault but myself.

Am I breaking under pressure. No f****** doubt about it! What can I do to stop it? Is it time to get physical again? Man I hope that is not what it take. I just want to feel human compassion, love, hope….is that too much to ask for? D****, it sure seems like it.

S***, let me move on to something else for the time.

Well, Suzanne’s computer is being attacked and hacked as of late. Now, one of my latest Uncensoreds seems to be lost amongst the mail.

I have been using Uncensored to vent my frustrations and aggravations. Now my Uncensored is starting to become just another frustration as these people lose my mail.

I will make this promise in writing to myself as well as all who read my writing, ramblings and insites. If I can no longer trust my Uncensored to vent myself, I will go the other route. I do not want to do this at all. It will mess up all my special visits towards the end, but I refuse to let my writing become just another thorn in my side.

This right here is how I coupe with this s***, my writing!! If they no longer grant me the release I need, I will not hesitate to release my torment in another fashion. Physical pain granted to me by way of us of forces does release some tension for sure.

I have recently talked to some people here at Polunsky Unit in power and have told them of what is going on. Now it is just a matter of time to see if anything gets done about it.

I really and truly do try to keep my writing honest and true about this place they call Texas Death Row. I do not attempt to make up lies and push rumors to better my cause. I do not feel I have to lie to expose the utter inhumane treatment death row is in and of itself.

Granted everything I write is as seen through my eyes and my eyes alone. I will not try to deny that, but I speak the truth of my heart as I write. I do not wish to ruin my credibility by spreading false rumors and flat out lies. I try to keep it real with y’all. I try to get across the realities of the row and the effects it has not only on the men here on the row, but their families as well.

I promise y’all this. If I cannot get my frustrations out and about through Uncensored, I will get my release in a more physical way by fading the Polunsky Unit Goon Squad on a daily basis, that is a promise. On my word I say this!! If they refuse to let me vent mentally, I will vent by physical confrontations.

T.C. Investigators……Tina Church, wow, what a woman! I sit here and listen to people talk here on death watch about Tina this and Tina that! Tina is rock solid.

Tina got me a new attorney. Tina found out this or that!

Tina Church, who does her work for the men on the row out of the kindness of her heart. Tina Church the avenging Angel of the row. Tina Church, what a woman, not just a woman, a h***uva investigator. She is a lot of men’s last hope here on the row and she fights with the same tenacity as a Pit-Bull on a tire. She does not know the meaning of the word quit or defeat.

Tina, you are not only my angel, but the angel to many here on the row. I just wanted to send you my personal thanks for all your efforts on my behalf.

To the people out there reading this who have loved ones on the row, Tina is a person you need to contact. She has a heart of gold and works pro-bono when she can towards the end, but to hire her in the beginning is a much better idea. To hire her and her people to find out the facts and the B.S. while they can still be brought up in court would be a very good idea. Her skills and the skills of her people are severely limited at the latter point of the “game”! Without Tina, so many more men would be put in their grave, quietly and without a fight.

Thank you for caring Tina.

I’m at my wit’s end at the moment so I will put this in the mail in hopes that it reaches it’s destination and will be published for viewing.

Please stay strong and focused out there and fight the good fight. May God bless you all and keep you safe.

Well, I though I was finished for the day, but that is not the case. I kinda got caught up in my own world of dilemmas and selfishly forgot about others here on the row.

Doug Roberts and Milton Mathis have 6 days and a wake-up left to live! Wow! It seems surreal.

I spent my hour of outside recreation (Yeah, right…outside recreation is just another cage with 40 foot plus high walls on all sides and bars across the top. You see nothing but thick cement walls.). Anyway, Milton and I talked about everything from last meals to moms, about our daughters, God and what was going to be for lunch today!

Milton’s daughter is six years old. We share a lot of the same struggles.

As a matter of fact, the last time I was out on a Saturday visit with my mom and daughter, Milton was out there on a visit with his mom and daughter. They sat across from us and it was like watching myself and my family in a mirror as I observed them. We caught each other’s eye and waved and carried on with our visit.

See my situation is not all that unique here on the row. I’m just lucky enough to have people who are willing to help me get my story out to the free-world.

Will that be enough to save my life. No, most likely it will not, but maybe, just maybe, my writings will give people an up close and personal look at the death penalty. The faces, family and tears. The struggles, the good ties with friends past and friends in the future.

Milton and I even talked about the infamous Tina Church who without her, Milton would have absolutely ZERO chance of surviving his date with death. His chances will aren’t great but they are there and that is what he is holding onto.

I know I am skipping around with my mumblings, but that happens sometimes when I get caught up in the “moment”. Anyway…….

It is weird as I get closer to my date the mail I receive has dropped off tremendously. Is it due to the fact I have not had the stamps to respond to most of my mail? Or is it people slowly distancing their self from me as I get closer to my Humane Murder Date?

Can I blame them? Absolutely not! Live is for the living. Who needs to walk the past of death with me to remind them that death is very real and close at hand?

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. TOMARROW IS PROMISED TO NO ONE!!

At least I have the chance to make things right before I move on, he?

Think about that. You out there, when you left for work this morning, did you and someone you love have hard words, hurtful words? Did you take the time to at least read five minutes of your bible? Kiss your sons and daughters good bye?

Death is just a car accident away from all of us. We as a society take all the little things for granted.

Want to hear something funny? One of the things I miss most is the feel of grass on my bare feet! HA!AH!HA!HA!HA! I mean such a small thing but I long for it.

When was the last time you stopped to watch a sunrise or sunset?

See, I told you all at the beginning of these ramblings that I was in that melancholy mood, no? You should have stopped reading then!!!

Well, I was just informed that there will be no mail handed out tonight! D****!!

Why so blue you ask? For one, I receive no bills in my mail! HA!HAH!HAHA! Mail is and always has been the highlight of everyday in prison. Mail call is what we live for! I know it seems pathetic and sad but it is the truth.

The “rumor” I heard is that someone sent a dangerous, or at least a suspicious “substance” through the mailroom from the outside world to cause a scare! It is probably baby powder or something stupid like that. I’m not really surprised as much as the mailroom ladies here at Polunsky Unit screw over EVERYONE’S mail all the time.

Like a lot of people who work here, to them, we are the scum of the earth and deserve nothing but bread and water, and that only twice a week. I know I sound like I am stretching the truth, but that is the truth. Not everyone, but a d*** big chunk of the workers here.

It is so very hard to get even the smallest of things done around here. H***, I have been on Level One since the first week of March and as of today, I have still not been able to buy a hot pot, you know, so I can make a hot cup of coffee. Maybe heat some of this commissary food on my shelf. For a month….over a month, I have been trying to buy this hot pot.

Who cares? Surely not commissary or the property room. See anytime we buy electronic items from commissary, hot pot, radio, type writer…they must be approved.

So here I sit waiting, and when I ask people about it, they tell me to stop crying about it. I guess they never had the pleasure of chewing on a spoonful of coffee to wake up in the morning. Have you?

One must pick and chose the battles he fights around here and this is one I have chosen to let run its course. Knowing the sick humor involved here a Polunsky, it will probably be delivered to me the day of my execution! HA!HAH!HA!BOOHOO!BOOHOO! D***, I can’t seem to stay on any subject matter here.

Alright, this time I really am done for the day. No, I mean it.

Y’all, keep it real out there and I will do my best to do the same in here.

Richard M. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

babieboo

04-19-2005, 05:44 PM

when i read this my heart felt like it was being torn open.

sclcookie

04-20-2005, 09:14 PM

Just a note. A better Uncensored to be posted this weekend. What I mean is Rich is in his "fighting" mood again or "I ain't gone, yet!" mood would be more like it, thanks to his Mom's visit last week. Whooohooo!

Rachel

04-20-2005, 09:35 PM

Suzanne,
thanks for letting us know Rich is back in the ring!
It is beyond my understanding how he keeps picking himself up and trying again.
It says a lot for his strength of character and the support of those who love him.
Rich; Keep on keepin' on!

Rachel x

suzeg3

04-20-2005, 10:27 PM

I really can't say anythinu after reading this, but please, please tell him that this horribly lapsed catholic prays for him as does my little boy who calls him "rikard".

kmlchitown

04-21-2005, 05:47 AM

thats not nice its like telling a child there lollies are there but they can't eat them ...... please please please may we have it before the weekend

sclcookie

04-21-2005, 07:54 AM

OK ALREADY! If my babies let me, I'll type it of this a.m. :).

huggggz to all of y'all!

kmlchitown

04-21-2005, 02:57 PM

Love you thanks :) :)

Ebony's spice

04-21-2005, 03:29 PM

Please let Richard know that there are prayers going out to him from the Pacific Northwest. I can't even say lame stuff like 'stay strong' - there are absolutely no words for the death penalty. There is no way I would try to console a person as if this should be accepted. NO! The only thing I can think of is that with every person that reveals the horror of their situation, the number of people accross the nation it moves to action grows exponentially. The truth has got to come out no matter how hard it is for people to read or they will remain in denial and go about their little oblivious lives. Until we are truly aware of what our fellow Americans are living in, we do not have a right to take life in this country for granted w/o trying to impact it.

My son is very political for such a young man. His logic and views are incredibly healthy and intelligent. And.....he's trying to do all the paperwork to move to Canada. Ouch, what does that say?

Anyway, Richard, Milton, Doug (all those you named), all I can say is that with the help of you and us and God be willing, this country will someday live by the code that all people are human and need hope. There is no hope in the death penalty.

Ebony's spice

04-21-2005, 03:58 PM

I wrote that last post prior to reading the current news on PTO. In my last paragraph, I wrote something about Douglas as if he were still here on earth. When I backed out to another forum and read "in memorium", I gasped. Feeling sick at this moment, my apoligies and prayers to you Richard. I will say it helped when I read he had a strong spiritual connection; may he rest in peace. I will be watching for your upcoming uncensored letters.

(p.s. I don't think you asked our opinion re: your daughter, so I will try to remain as general as possible - we couldn't know the right answers anyway. However, as parents, we cannot protect our children from life. We can guide, supervise, educate, etc., but if we try to withhold information they are going to know anyway, or removed an opportunity from them (i.e. visit), without their input, they are going to feel cheated and deceived. I'm just saying knowledge and input give us a feeling of control over decisions made on our behalf, and 8 years old is not too young to feel that. Again, I don't know the situation, I'm making a general statement here that just goes for respecting our fellow humans, no matter their age.)

sclcookie

04-25-2005, 02:51 AM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright April 15, 2005

April 15, 2005

It is right now 1:33 p.m. and I just finished having my special visit (2
days of 4 hours) with my loving mother.

Wow, what a difference she makes. The first day we laughed so hard we cried
and today we cried so hard we laughed!

It's so very hard to put into words about how I feel.how am I supposed to
feel? Actually, I feel like I can take on the world right now.

It was an amazing visit and we covered everything from the day I was born to
planning what will be done if I'm to be murdered on the 19th of next month.
The emotions ran wild but we tried our best to keep them under control.

Some people are too proud to shed tears. I'm am not one to cry, but I will
say when the tears flow from my mom's eyes , I can't control my own
emotions, nor do I want to!

I know after today's visit, I feel like the weight of the world has been
lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time, I see the weight of my
situation on my mother's shoulders and it breaks my heart.

I asked my mom's permission to take an exert out of one of her most recent
letters and post it on my site. Of course my mom said, and I quote, sorry
Mom, I quote "if me posing naked for a calendar or walking down the street
naked with a sign saying 'please don't kill my son', would help, I would do
it. It might scare some people, but I would do it." So I guess that
means I can use a few lines from one of her letters, eh? Well here it
goes...

"Rich, I cried myself to sleep, big huge tears and sobs last night. My
heart is breaking too. I asked God to forgive me for being so weak and
asked him to carry me through the night, just like the 'Footprints' poem. I
told him I would be stronger today, but last night I needed him to carry me
and my burden. I told him I know that I should be grateful for my loving
son and all the things I have in my life, but last night I only felt the
pain you are feeling and the sense of loss and unfairness."

How do I respond to that? What can I say? I was speechless as I read this.
I was heartbroken at her pain and sadness. I would have given anything to
have been able to hold my mom in my arms at that time and tell her
everything will be alright.

Can't do that, not even at our visits. No physical contact with anyone
unless it is violent physical contact i.e. the Goon squad!!! Why can't I
give my mom a hug at visit. What harm could come of that? It could do a
world of good but it is not allowed in Texas Death Row. It is allowed at
many other death rows in the U.S. but Texas does not deem it of any
consequence. Just sit in your f****** cage 23 hours a day and wait to die
scum!!!

Ok, here I go chasing my tail once again..back to the 8 hours visits my
mother and I shared. It breathed a new life into me, it brought me peace,
can all mother's do this? I don't thinks so, but I know mine can.

Thank you so much for being you, Mom. You truly are my Sunshine! Keep
shining bright!!!

This month has already been an emotional roller coaster of overwhelming
proportions. Ups and downs, and some sideways s*** too! Believe me when I
tell you that there is so much more going on, but everything, all the
problems and obstacles pale to what I'm going through with Ricki Marie.
That is the.it is the hardest thing I've ever had to face. To watch as my
lil girl's innocence is being stripped from her eyes and because of me,
because of death row.

Now I must..what? I do not even know at this point. What does one say to
an 8 year old girl to explain this mess? "Your daddy's sick?" "Daddy is
going to heaven?" Daddy will die because he is a bad bad man?" "Daddy is
going to h***?" "Daddy is perfectly healthy but he must die anyway?" It is
far to obvious that she does understand more than any of us has give her
credit for.

I do not write this to have people feel sorry for me. Please do not think
that. I need no pity, nor sympathy. I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW, WHETHER
YOU HATE ME OR NOT, WHETHER YOU BELIEVE ME TO BE GUILTY OR NOT, THE DEATH
PENALTY HURTS INNOCENT PEOPLE. THE DEATH PENALTY IS MAKING A VICTIM OUT OF
MY 8 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IN THE NAME OF VICTIM'S RIGHTS!!!!!!!

How f****** crazy and insane it that? Can anyone tell me the above
statement is not true? Does innocence or guilt even play a part in the
statement? It should not. This is about human life! Innocent human life!

Hate me, call me inhuman! Call me a cold blooded heartless killer,
whatever, you feel you need to say to make you feel better, but open your
self-righteous eyes to the truth of what the death penalty is!

It is REVENGE!!! Nothing more nothing less, revenge disguised as justice.
You killed someone, that is wrong, so we will kill you to make you pay!
Spending the rest of one's natural life behind these cold steel bars and
putting up with the conditions in here is not punishment enough?

Ok, here is another idea. If you agree with the death penalty and it goes
to court and the jury finds you guilty, then hand a freaking gun to a member
of the victim's family and let them blow the defendant's brains out.

H***, the Texas judicial system's appeal process is such a freaking joke
that it would be far easier to just do away with it. Any state or court who
knows a man's attorney slept during trial and said that is not grounds for a
filling of Insufficient Counsel.what's the point of the appeals then? There
is none, it is farce, a dog and pony show at the most. It has never worked,
oh wait, once in awhile a condemned man will get lucky enough to get an OUT
OF STATE LAW FIRM to help him and set him free. Like Ernest Willis who
after, what, 18 years and a law firm who spent $5.5 million in man hours to
prove his innocence.

5.5 million dollars.so that is the price of TRUE JUSTICE in Texas! S***,
I'm a dead man for sure, unless anyone reading this has a handy 5 mill you
don't mind getting off of! NO? H*** me either! So much for proving my
innocence, eh?

A lot less needless suffering for my family and if you want death to be the
punishment, you should be willing to carry out the sentence yourself. If
you call for blood justice, get up close and personal with it. Don't come
to the Walls Unit and stare at someone through a piece of glass; that is not
enough satisfaction, is it? Just calling a spade a spade.

Oh, does this offend you? Yes, I'm sure the State of Texas' us of lethal
injection is sooo much prettier, so much more humane to inject drugs into
one's body to turn their insides into mush. Yes, no blood involved there.
"JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE" is what the death certificate reads. Very neat, very
clean. Death is death and taking a life is taking a life.

Because the government of Texas is taking mine in the name of justice does
not make it right. It is actually premeditated murder if you really stop to
think about it.

Alright, it is time again for this to come to an end. I have a lot of mail
to answer and finally have some stamps, too, at least enough to last me
through the weekend.

Thank you all one again for tuning in and reading my writings. I would love
to hear all feedback, good and bad. I know not everyone doesn't agree with
me...wait, I do have on more thing to add.

This is to answer you, "Scorp"! You wrote and said that you are 100% in
favor of the death penalty and I really have no choice but to respect that.

You also stated that your 100% in favor of it NOT being used on people who
are "truly" innocent. To err is human, no? Only God is perfect in His
judgment.

You asked a good question. You asked why did I wait until the last minute
to cry foul, or to ask for help. Well, "Scorp", I was under the impression
my lawyers were doing all they could to represent me and save my life. I
was ignorant to the law and still am to a large degree. I have had other
more apt prisoners point me in the right direction after a few years of
being incarcerated.

I actually started to try and help save my own life back in and around
2002-2003 and have letters to prove I wrote my attorneys and asked them to
please file this and that and of course they not once ever did.

I do not know how to file pro-se so when I wrote the courts and tried to
present matters I thought very relevant into proving my innocence (I never
claimed total and complete innocence in this matter by the way, but my fall
partner in his own handwriting admitted to killing the victim.)

So these last minute efforts are all I got and that is why I'm just trying
to get some kind of attention.

Truly and in all honesty, it is too late, Scarp, and most likely I will be
murdered May 19, but someone reading this will read it in time to help
someone else on the row.

The things that are being tried to save my life now should have been brought
into evidence before my case reached federal court but because of
incompetent attorneys, they were not brought in and now the courts are
saying all these points are procedurally barred, period!!

You also mentioned this is my side of the story. That is so very true, but
everything I put on my site about my case can be found in the trial
transcripts, for it to be otherwise would not hold any water.

You also mentioned IK don't want to know that an innocent person has been
put to death. H***, neither does the State of Texas and that is why they
are so afraid of a temporary, notice the word "temporary", stay of all
executions to investigate the system in place from an out of state agency!
What could that hurt if they never executed an innocent man.

Scorp, don't take what I say on blind faith, but don't take what the state
says on blind faith either. Look around, investigate. What you find might
surprise you.

If you would have left me a return e-mail, I would have wrote this to you
personally. I hope you read this and hope you write to me again, soon.

I would like to add something else. I mentioned it briefly in the past, but
I will do so again on Sundays from 3-5 on K-DOL 96.1. Pastor John plays
some rock'n'roll, hip-hop, punk rock, country if they have them.

They also do "shout-outs" out to prisoners here on the row. You e-mail them
you message and they will play it over the air. It is a nice way to tell
someone you love them and get a good song to boot.

Pastor John is a pastor of a different clothe. He reaches out to the youth
with Rock and roll and any other way he can get the word of God out.

So if you got a loved one on the row, tell them to turn into 96.1, K-DOL on
Sunday and give 'em a message. It will make them feel great, trust me, I
know!

Thanks Suzanne. Thank you Jennie again for the kick as punk rock!! Y'all
made my day!

SO THIS IS MY SHOUT-OUT TO THE K-DOL CREW!! THANKS GUYS!!!

Alright, already, Suzanne, put down the lighter and stop burning my
Uncensored!! GGHHEEEESSHHH!! Temper temper!!HA!HAH!HA!

I'm done for now, and I mean it this time.

God Bless you all out there,
Richard Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

specht

04-25-2005, 03:30 AM

Wow... what a different man is writing this, than the last one. Of course we can't imagine what a rollercoaster he must be in, but it is great to read his spirit is completely back! I hope he can hold on to this feeling! Wish him all the strenght he and his loved ones need to make it through this next three weeks! They are in my thoughts. He is so right, saying his murder makes a lot of innocent victims too. What the h*** is the US government thinking, allowing the death penalty???!!!!

sclcookie

04-25-2005, 03:31 AM

April 18

It is 8:44 a.m. on the 18th April as I sit down to write this. I just got
back into my concrete coffin after my daily 1 hour of recreation. I sat in
the dayroom and talked to D. R. and M. M. as they were
getting ready for their all-day visits. Haunted looks in their eyes,
whether they know it or not, looks that I cannot shake from my mind.

As I talk to them, others go about their daily business like nothing is
going on. I guess it is a good defense mechanism that we all use at one
time or another. I know I have, too many times, myself.

As I sit in the dayroom talking, someone hollers "Hey, Chi-Town, I got that
book you wanted to read. I'll send it in a few."

I wanted to yell back "hey a*****, I'm not worried about no book at the
moment, don't you know what is going down?" Of course that is not fair and
it is my emotions and closeness to the situation that caused me to even have
thoughts like that running through my mind.

I'm actually really looking forward to reading the fourth and final book in
that particular series to tell the truth. Go figure, life goes on, right?
Just another day in paradise, eh?

In two more days, D and M may no longer be. As the rest of us sit
around and watch completely helpless to do anything to stop the madness or
insanity of the death march, just another couple of deaths in a long, very
long line of death handed out by Texas in the name of justice.

It is weird to sit back and just watch this all go down time and again as I
wait my turn. Some of the things that we do just strike me as.weird.

Check this out...14 days from your date with death, the "powers-to-be" tell
you you have an unlimited spend in commissary. See, we are only aloud to
spend $75 every two weeks normally. But on this last spend, you can spend
whatever you have on your account.

So people are usually spending a couple hundred dollars. They throw all
kinds of spreads..spreads are what pass as "cooking" here in prison. A few
packs of pot roast, some chili, chopped up peppers and pickles..whatever one
might deem is needed, and we have access to, to make something edible.

Well it strikes me as a little backwards that the man getting ready to die
is buying food to cook.for everybody else here on deathwatch, no? Should we
not be buying and cooking for him? It has been this way since I got down
here on February 9th and it will most likely be this way when I'm gone.

Of course, I will hold with "tradition" when my turn comes, for no other
reason than..h***.just because that is the way it is.

Truth is I cannot take my food or anything else with me right? HA!HAH!HAH!
Last Will and Testament."P.S. Please burry me with my radio and commissary,
just in case". Yeah, ok, right on!

Now, please do not think "Oh, he is giving up". No, that is not the case.
I'm just speaking in relative terms. Whether the words "when I'm gone"
means they kill me or I get a stay and leave death watch for another pod.
Believe me when I say the fight is not out of me, and hope is not gone, not
by a long shot.

This is not about me anyway, but about the two gentlemen who have 2, yes 2
days left to live.

Dying is easy but waiting to die is a M.F.'er!! No way easy. D***, the
anxiety and worry that goes along with the wait. I never understood the
dramatic change in people who have had a date and gone to the Walls Unit and
ate their last meal and then get a stay. They come back all twisted in so
many different ways. They are never the same, some change for the better,
some for the worse. I've witnessed both.

On person that sticks out in my mind is my very good friend B D. He
went all the way to eating his last meal and than received a stay. I've
notice dramatic changes about him since that little episode.

One, he is down and strong about his walk with God. I mean, if you'd know
him 2 years prior to his executoon and then after the change in him is
incredible. That is the good side, now I have also notice that his
personality has become somewhat more.more, not morbid..just he keeps to
himself a lot more than he ever did before. He'll get out there and laugh
and poke fun, but it takes a real effort, and is noticeable.

Well, I will close this up for now and write more later on in the week to
keep you all updated to what is going on.

Mom, just wanted to tell you I love you and our last visit has really kept
me strong and focused. Keep shining bright, Sunshine. : )

3:06 p.m. April 19, 2005...M M just returned early from his all
day visit with news of a stay of executions. WOW!! He received his stay
due
to the Atkins issue which is mental retardation. What great and blessed
news for M and his entire family, great new indeed.

He said when he went out to visitation, Death Row Warden Jones was waiting
to tell him the news. Instead of an all day visit, they let him have 4
hours.

Man, I'm really glad to hear about his stay. It seems if you were 17 our
younger or have a low I.Q., you can get a stay!! That is about the only way
to receive a stay here in Texas, innocence plays no part in it anymore.

Do I sound bitter. F*** I am bitter, but pleased, don't misunderstand. I
could not be happier for M and his family. Every life saved is a plus
to me. D*** good news indeed.

Please let us not forget about D R who at this moment is still out
there for his last all day visit with his family and friends. Obviously he
has had no such new as with the M clan. It looks like Texas will be
able to ad another life and his blood to grease the wheels of the Texas
Death Machine.

As I write this I hear M in the dayroom laughing and just kicking it
like I've not seen him do in far to long. Man it is nice to hear true
happiness and no fronting in his voice or jokes. He has a smile from ear to
ear.

Now what about D? What about D family. What are they going through
right this moment as I write this? I do not even want to try and imagine.

I feel somewhat guilty in conscience as I celebrate M stay as yet
another man is surely to be put to death tomorrow. I guess we must take
what we can get at this point and make the best of it, but it still does not
feel right.

I wish I could put M good news in to play with my own case, but no
such lick. I was not a 17 year old when I was arrested for Nick's murder,
nor can I file the Atkins issue with a registered I.Q. of 147! D***, I sure
don't feel that smart as I sit my dumb a** on the row waiting to die!
HA!HAH!HAH!HAH!

I want to be retarded too! H***, innocence nor guilt don't even seem to
matter to this insane system of justice. Maybey, if I make a few more
grammer errors in my typing I can get a stay too!

D***, I really feel guilty as I sit here feeling sorry for myself in light
of M stay. I feel shallow and selfish.

Uncensored, right? It may get ugly but I speak my heart and that will not
change. I might not like the way I am feeling, nor am I proud of the way I
feel, nor will I lie about the way I am feeling. I guess it is true what
they say.what do they say you ask...They say you cannot know a man's true
character until he or she is placed into a situation of adversity. Anyone
can talk the big game as he or she sits on the sideline, but when on is put
dead center into the mix of things, that is when one's character or lack
their of shines through.

Right now, I feel lacking in the character department. This situation is
definitely taking it's toll on me physically and mentally. I have notices
as I look into the mirror lately I seem to have these permanent dark purple
circles under my eyes. I know they come from lack of sleep, h***, I'm
scared to f****** sleep. I feel I might get all the sleep I can handle on
May 19th! Ha!

Seriously, I find myself waking up for the nightly "restroom needs" and
being scared to fall back asleep. No s***! I don't really stay up to do
anything other than listen to the radio and pace my cell like a caged animal
thing, wondering, contemplating.contemplating the what ifs of my life. So
very many what ifs...What if..

Anyway, M stay is another plus for our combined fight against the
death penalty here in Texas as well as in the USA!! Let us find peace and
happiness as we know his life has been spared. Focus on the positive and
forget or push aside the negative. There are so few positives as we roll up
our sleeves and fight the injustice of the death penalty that we cannot
afford to dwell on the negative but focus and draw our strength to continue
fighting on the positive.

I just took a little break to go talk to M and I told him not to forget
to get his bible just because he got a stay. It seems we all here on the
row "find God" on deathwatch and then when things go our way, we forget
about the grace of God. Me included, don't cha know! HA! Sometimes we
must reach our ultimate low just to pick up a bible and ask for help. Then
we receive it and forget all about God.

Please do not mistake me.yes, I am a Christian, but I fall oh so short in my
walk with the Lord. I read my bible every morning and pray every night, yet
when one of these officers comes to me sideways, I forget all I read and
pray and get dead on their a**!! So please do not think I am sitting here
in a bout of self-righteousness, 'cause I'm not. I can pray and read and I
still lose my temper at times. The difference is now I feel bad about it
and ask for forgiveness when those slips occur.

Well, it is now 3:51 p.m. and D will be coming back from his last all day
visit in about 50 minutes. What will his state of mind be? How will he be
feeling?

Man, watching this s*** day in and day out is devastating to me. I try so
hard to not let what I am forced to watch steal or kill parts of me inside,
but I do not think I am being very successful. I'm not the inhumane monster
the courts would have you believe. As I sit in this F****** concrete coffin
and watch man after man be lead away to his death, I cannot help but let it
effect me. What monster would I have to be to sit by and not have any side
effects of watching this happen? It has it's effects and I am glad it does.
It lets me know I am not dead inside, that I still care, that I still feel.

Listen, I have to shut this s*** down for the day because I just want to
vegetate in the dark and let my mind go, try to stop thinking about this
place and all the death I have seen.

You people out there stay strong and remember we won one tonight. Yes, the
state will not get it's blood justice out of M M. One for the
little people. Down with the system of mass murder.

Stay strong and keep up the fight.

8:16 p.m.-
M M has just been moved off Death Watch! Whoohoo! One for the
Little People!! : )

April 20, 2005

It is 12 non as I stand on my rolled up mattress to pear out my window. No
sign of D R or the death van at this point. A hundred thoughts are
going through my head but the most troubling of those thoughts are what
thoughts are going through D head right now.

Once again, I contemplate the clean and efficient approach to it all. The
hand off and the inevitable execution. The hand off from the row to the
execution chamber at the Walls Unit.
I wish there could be a fumble for D, but no such luck from what I've
heard at this point. Fumble.as in a stay of execution.

It is 12:09 p.m. as I catch my first view of D heading back from
visitation, his very last visitation, if the state of Texas has it's way.
They lead him into 12 building which is where they house us condemned men.
It does not look good, for D is surrounded by a bunch of ranking officers
so the hand-off will be taking place.

12:11 p.m. here comes the usual group of overseers to watch to make sure
there is no "fumble" attempt so to say! The wardens, Major N and a
few other lower ranking members.

As I stand here waiting to see D or the death van, I find myself trying
to put myself in D shoes, then again, I think I will know soon
enough...

As the clock strikes 12:20 p.m. here comes the death van, a little late, no?
Maybe they got hungry on the way over here and needed to stop at McDonald's
for a quick bit to eat. We all got to eat, right? Nothing wrong with that.

Clean and efficient.

12:22 p.m.-
Here comes D to be loaded into the death van.

12:25 p.m-
The death van drives off into the sun, with D as it's cargo. M with
a stay and D without. Gotta take the good with the bad, I suppose.

As we try to stay happy and celebrate M stay, it seems somewhat wrong
with another man on his way to his death. No double header for TDCJ
today!!!! As my time gets closer, I feel the pressure building up inside
me, there is no denying that.

Actually, it was Warden A who pointed that out to me today. He called
me into his office to talk to me because he was disturbed my some things I
wrote recently. Especially about my webmaster being hacked and my "missing"
Uncensored articles. He said it was sometimes easy to become somewhat
delusional and paranoid when we are faced with such a stressful situation.
I guess he is right, because I know I have been on edge like you would not
believe lately.

I remember when I was younger I was seeing a few family counselors during my
parents divorce and was treated for depression and a delusional disorder. I
was even hospitalized a few times due to the seriousness of the delusional
disorder.

I really feel quite embarrassed sharing this all with you, but I do not want
you to think I would every mislead you or write falsehoods just for the sake
of doing it. I did in fact receive copies from my "missing" articles from
Suzanne just last night. At least I think it was all of them!

I guess I never though that every aspect of my life would come under
scrutiny due to my writings, eh? So I do apologize to all of you out there
for jumping the gun with the "missing" articles, at least I do not think
there are any missing, f*** who knows now!! AARRCCHH!!!!

Are my delusions, delusions, or truth. H***, I'm starting to confuse myself
so I will move on. I wish I could make myself believe D R was not
just loaded into the death van and on his way to the Walls Unit to be
humanely murdered in the name of justice!!!

Who has the right to decide a man's death other than God and I quote:

"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I
have come that they may have life, and that they may have it abundantly."

Can anyone guess who this quote was made by? That is correct, by Jesus
Christ himself in the book of John 10:10. So please do not hide behind the
book of God to justify the death penalty with the "eye for an eye" quote in
the OLD testament.

Let's go with the "May he who has not sinned cast the first stone". How
about "No sin is greater than another all sins are equal and we all fall
short."

The death penalty is all about revenge and there is no argument that can
point out that it is not. Nothing but revenge, nothing but blood to wash
away blood, that does not even make sense. I think maybe I am not the only
one with a delusional disorder, eh.

I guess we can all choose what bible verses we read to justify our views,
eh? We can perverse any words to mean what we want them to mean.

If Jesus was to walk this earth again today, there is no doubt in my mind
that we, as a society, would crucify him again.

I'm out of gas and I am emotionally drained and must end my rantings and
ravings here.

Once again thank you to all you out there who care enough to tune in and
listen to my thoughts. If not for the overabundance of supportive letters
and e-mails, I most likely would have stopped Uncensored and crawled into a
hole somewhere and just faded away. I stay strong because you stay strong
for me. I stay positive because you stay positive. I stay hopeful, because
you stay hopeful. Who knows what is in store for me in the future however,
long or short it may be, just remember there are so many other men and women
on death row who need an ear to speak to help them get the help they may
need, legal or otherwise.

For those of you who already write to someone on death row, I can once again
give you a small word of advise. As your loved one is going through this
kangaroo type appeals process, the attorneys at every level are given money
to represent their clients and are also supposed to ask for money for
investigative purposes, some do, but never hire an investigator or they
pretend to hire one and they wheel and deal.

Get a hold of T.C. I.. The money for their services
does not come out of your pocket. I do not say this for some kind of
kick back. I say this because I know this is a top notch firm and they put
their hearts into their work. H***, ask M M and his family!!!
Once prisoners get into the federal court they can no longer bring up issues
that their prior attorneys did not find or bring up. Believe me I know this
first hand as I realize everything being uncovered, I'm procedurally barred
from using. After all, Texas states that a defendant is only guaranteed
competent counsel at the trial level and after that they are just guaranteed
counsel, nothing more, just a f****** body in a suit to stamp his or her
name to a writ your attorney' past have already filed and said lawyer get
paid 5 figure salaries for this b*******!

Here I go rambling on again. I'm out of here.

Richard Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

sclcookie

04-25-2005, 05:53 AM

As many know, Rich and I had a good visit Saturday (04/23/2004). He was in good spirits (as good as possible).

We got to meet Kyla! Whoohooo! She's great! Came all the way to Texas from Australia. Talk about a dedicated woman.

Keep on fighting y'all. I'm heading for bed!

huggggz to all of y'all
Suzanne

suzeg3

04-25-2005, 02:38 PM

thanks for this Suzanne, I am glad that Rich is still in "fight" mode

BillieJo

04-25-2005, 05:50 PM

prays for Rich and his family~!

kmlchitown

04-26-2005, 05:37 AM

hey suzanne all us Aussie are dedicated women , But its you Texan's that teach us to Fight your Awesome girl

big huggs to you

kaz

ToAsTy

04-26-2005, 06:13 AM

hey suzanne all us Aussie are dedicated women , But its you Texan's that teach us to Fight your Awesome girl

big huggs to you

kaz

I second that.
Kyla glad to hear that you made it out there ok :)

My prayers are being sent to Rich each and everyday. I am glad that he is still fighting.
A miracle may still happen.

kmlchitown

04-27-2005, 03:31 AM

i pray for one every single day .............. 23 days please God Save Rich Cartwright .............

kezcat

04-27-2005, 03:38 AM

i pray for one every single day .............. 23 days please God Save Rich Cartwright .............

God please save ALL who are waiting to die at the hands of 'justice.

abelle

04-27-2005, 04:17 AM

Thank you Richard and my prayers and well wishes are with you too ald all who are going through the same ordeal. Please continue to let us know how you feel and what is going on. Your message is powerful.
I agree with you that it is all revenge and a 'clinical' way to commit a terrible crime against a human being. It is good that you mention all this once again, keep on fighting, and know we are here to support your struggle and fight alongside you.
Annabelle

kmlchitown

04-27-2005, 05:04 AM

hey kezcat , my prayers are with you I know Lonnie is a very dear Friend of yours lets just all wish and pray for Justice ...........

big huggs your way Kerrie

skyblue

05-01-2005, 08:58 AM

Well if anyone wants the real story rather than a glamourised version of the death penalty then they will get it from the words of this guy. I think his writings are amazing and some of the sadest words I have ever read.I have always been of the opion, how many people who claim to be in favour of the death penalty could actually lay the guy on the table and actuaaly put him to death? or is it just easier to have in done behind closed doors nice and quietly. Those who believe that they could carry this out could they also explain to his young daughter why they felt the need to execute her daddie. I will close now as the thought of laying a human being out and put to death makes me phyicaly sick

Skyblue

suzeg3

05-04-2005, 09:01 AM

I keep looking for news, "good news" none yet, Suzanne, if you are talking to richard, please tell him, prayers are coming and have been coming his way from the midwest, my boy, my dad and I are all with him and his beautiful little girl, in prayer, also signed him up for a couple of prayer chains-- hope that's ok

sclcookie

05-04-2005, 01:07 PM

So far, no new news at the moment. I'm sorry. People are still working hard for him, though, so that's a plus.

hugggz,
Suzanne

sclcookie

05-04-2005, 01:08 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright April 26, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

Another day in paradise! How are y'all doing out there in the free-world?

For all those who are keeping track, I have 22 days and a wake-up to go for
my turn to feed the wheels of blood justice here in Texas.

Really, that is not what has motivated me to sit down and write
today...Today, Lonnie Pursley is the reason I feel the need to "vent".
Lonnie is down to six days and a wake-up and he will grease the wheels of
the blood justice machine. The machine must be fed, no?

D***, I remember when Lonnie first drove up to the row. We were neighbors. I
used to kick his a** on a daily basis at handball; of course if you ask him
about this, I am almost positive he would remember it the other way around.
Hey, we have no video type so we can both tell as many lies as we need to
about this debate! HA!AH!HAH!HA!HAH!HA!

Lonnie and I have been neighbors here on death watch for the last couple of
months. As a matter of fact Lonnie and I are the only men on 2 row
presently.

I have become closer to Lonnie in these past few months than I ever was
before with him. We just have not been around each other that much since the
row was moved from Ellis to Polunsky Unit.

I'm glad I'm living next to him and can give him and ear to speak to when he
needs it, and he has been there to help me work through some of my own
trials as we both watch death looming ever closer with her greedy hands.

Lonnie Pursley is a character and his true character has shown through as he
faces his up and coming date with death. He struggles to write his last
minute letter4s and getting ready for his all day visits.

As with most men here who are facing death, Lonnie is more worried about his
family and friends than anything else. He has a beautiful and caring
daughter who has been visiting him every week as his date gets closer.

He has been holding onto his sanity with the fact that he has a special
visit with a very special woman, Pam, tomorrow. He keeps saying, "Chi-Town,
right now I'm not even focused on my date, but with my visit with Pam. I
can't wait to look into her eyes." Once again a man lucky enough to have
loved ones to help him and give him strength through this terribly hard and
emotional time.

What happens after Wednesday's visit, tho'? What holds him together, what
will he use to distract his mind from death?

Hopefully me, hopefully whatever it takes for him to get through this. He
will have all day visits with family on the 29th and the 2nds, than his 4
hours on his last day. Hopefully that will be enough.

Maybe that will be too much? Who can tell what effect that will have on him
or anyone else going through this bullshit. It is every bit as hard on our
families as it is on us in her facing death.

Which leads me to another topic I would like to discuss..

Please read this TDCJ Victim Services Division online brochure.

Now as you may or may not have noticed as you read all the counseling.made
available for the victim's family, not once does the State of Texas or TDCJ
offer the slightest help or counseling for the condemned man's family. Once
again proving this is not about justice, but cold-hearted revenge.

How can anyone with half a freaking brain not see this as a fact. I mean
what on earth did my mother, father, daughter, ex-wife, cousins, friends.all
who will be there for me every step of the way, what did they do so bad that
they are treated like criminals too.

After the execution, they are out the viewing chamber into the waiting media
crowd to be media fodder. I hope you sick sum****** get your jollies off
watching my grieving and crying loved ones exit the Walls Unit!

Why are they not treated and counseled as victims? Are they not also losing
a loved one?

As I sit here and reread this s***, it got me so f****** hot under the
collar, I want to just scream!

HA! Well, I just screamed! HA!HAH!HA! No one pays no mind to the insane
screams around here.that is until you down to you last 7 days of life, than
they check on you in your cell every ½ hour to make sure you do not kill
yourself before they take you to the Walls Unit for their revenge murder,
eh?

All of a sudden, they give a d*** about you committing suicide? How fucked
up is that?

I'm sorry about all the cussing but when I get over emotional, I cuss to
express myself so please forgive me. I have really been trying hard not to
cuss lately but I'm not doing so good at the moment, eh?

Heck, where was I before I got to this..oh yeah, my family and friends get
no chance to even collect their tears before being thrust out into the media
circus. Man that really p***** me off. Talk about discrimination, eh?

How does TDCJ justify offering all this counseling to the victim's family,
but not the condemned man's family? That is not revenge? What is it? I ask
again how can they justify this act of obvious discrimination towards my
family? Are they trying to make sure my family and friends do not feel
comfortable coming to offer me support as I'm strapped down to a butchers
block to be humanely murdered.

Honestly, I do not want any family or friends their but they have made it
perfectly clear that it is their choice and wishes to be there for me. I can
make it so they won't be there, but I would never ever do that.

I asked Suzanne to be there (and I will be there, Rich) for everything to
write down how it goes and what she feels through it all, as I will ask my
mother and anyone else who views my humane murder.

I will also be enclosing an article about the human killing procedure but
know this, there is NOT and never has been a monitoring of the anesthesia
used to insure no pain to the humanely murdered man.

Also, the fact that veterinaries nation wide have agreed that lethal
injection does not meet with standards for putting down animals, but the
rest of society sees it as a humane way to murder.

I think I would rather face a firing squad or something nice and fast. At
least I could look into the eyes of the men there to shoot me and I could
die on my feet instead of strapped to a freaking table in some faux
crucifixion position.

My pain and suffering solely depends on the non-medical person who controls
the liquid death that flows through my veins, here in Texas that thought is
not too comforting, eh?

Maybe, people better start paying for autopsies to see how humanly Texas
justice really is. I mean they give you a drug that makes you paralyzed so
you could not show pain even if it I was there I mean they could be sittin'
back there laughing their collective a**** off and from what I've seen of
Texas justice, I would be willing to bet more often than not these
self-righteous b******* will not give someone the proper dosages of
anesthesia.

They already control the God-Like power of life and death, no? What makes
you think they would not want to play torture, also?

Am I being paranoid? H***, if so, I believe I have every right to be. Wait
'til you all read this article about the facts that have been found in other
autopsies down in other states of prisoners after they have been executed.
Just another on of many of Texas' dirty little secrets, eh?

Well, go ahead and read this article and remember this is factual writings
that if researched closer will give you the names and dates of the condemned
men and their autopsy reports:

Click here for the MSNBC.com "Lethal Injection 'Cruel,' Researchers say"
article.

Well, I better go ahead and close this one down here before Suzanne asks for
a raise. H***, she ain't got a dime yet. Matter of fact, when she came to
visit me this past Saturday, she spent money on feeding my sorry a**!

Thank you Suz "Q". I had a great visit. Sorry I was little nonresponsive,
kinda had the blue funk going with all the "great" news!

Alright, y'all, I will close this one as I opened in hopes that you can put
a personality and emotions with this condemned man and maybe, just maybe see
that just because a person is on death row does not make him/her the vicious
cold blooded monster the state would have you believe.

Please, keep my family, friends, all the men and women on the row, their
families, along with the families of the victims in your prayers.

In Struggle and Hope
I remain as ever.
Richard M. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

By C.Y.

"Greetings to all! Well, today is April 22nd, 2005 and no one has killed
themselves around me this month. So all is going as good as it can.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a few lines in concern of something that a
pen-pal wrote to me. It goes as follows:

'When, I first started writing to you, I remember telling you I was against
the death penalty, mainly because innocent lives are taken.

However, since looking into life on death row and reading Uncensored, which
Mr. Cartwright writes so very well! I have seen what REALLY goes on and it
is just so terribly degrading and torturous, I wouldn't put anyone on death
row. No person should be treated in such a manner. Not even a guilty one.

I know it wasn't easy going in there, but s***, I am so disgusted! It's just
so sad that some countries and states have yet to move into the 21st
century.'

If anyone remembers my last article I wrote, I wrote about not giving up and
I wrote a little story about a little girl saving the starfish.

Suzanne is like the little girl saving the starfish! Thanks to her help and
Richard's full expression of thoughts and feelings, people are starting to
see this Murder machine for what it is.

I did not even tell my pen-pal about Uncensored! She read and found it on
her own, as I had no influence in it.

It made me smile when I read that part of her letter.

'Use the pain to fuel the fire!'

Suzanne, I greatly appreciate all that you are doing. You are making a
difference.

I know you got the hardest job. Just keep doing all that you are. Use the
pain to fuel the fire that burns inside of you.

A lot of people deal with pain in different ways. It makes some fight harder
and others run.

'Nothing begins and nothing ends that is not paid with moan; for we are born
in other's pain and perish in our own.'-Francis Thompson

It seems crazy to some that one would voluntarily put themselves in a
position to go through mental, emotional, and even financial pain for the so
called least of the earth, 'Condemned Prisoner!' Just as Suzanne has done.
Though as Martin Luther King, Jr. said, 'The true measure of a man is not
where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands
in times of challenge and controversy.' In this case it applies to the true
measure of a strong willed woman!

The question is where will those whom are undecided stand?

To sit by and do nothing is to assist and encourage the injustice to
continue, only to manifest itself into something worse.

Where will you, the undecided reader, stand in this battle to save a life
and end the oppression?

Can you endure the fight in this seemingly never ending war against the
Murder machine?

Yes you can!

As an individual you possess a greatness that is second to none. Many people
in today's age and time never truly find this greatness that resides in each
of us. Mainly due to us never fully opening our mind. We get pulled into the
cultural wave of society and become dependant on others.

So I am asking you to detach from the ocean of life as a whole and to look
at yourself as a single wave rolling along. As a single wave you help make
up the ocean. Without you the ocean looses it's volume. So I need you to
join the struggle so that you can stand beside us, fight beside us and help
us to overcome the challenge. In order to save lives and end the
psychological, emotional, mental, social and physical suffering caused by
the conditions of Texas Death Row!

Without you, we can do nothing! Without you, our voice is mute! Without you,
our hands are bound! Without you, the suffering will continue.

We need you with all your greatness to help make a difference! Let us be
realist, let us insist on the impossible.

If you never cross the river, then how do you know what is on the other
side? If you never climb the mountain, how do you know what paradise of
wonders lay in the Valley below?

If you never join the struggle, then how do you know if you can make a
difference?

There is only one way for you to make a difference. That is to face the odds
and fight for what you feel is right and believe in!

If we do not have something we are willing to fight for, then what do we
have to live for?

What better to fight for then life and humane treatment?

The Clock is Ticking!

C.Y.
Polunsky Unit-Death Row
3872 FM 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351"

From Suzanne:

As most of you know, I visited with Rich on 04/23/2005, Saturday, at which
time he had 26 days left before his scheduled execution.

We had a good visit. He was in good spirits, considering. He said that if it
wasn't for the support through everyone reading his Uncensored, the e-mails,
letters, "Shout-Outs", etc., he wouldn't be fighting like he is.

We laughed a bit about different things. Can you believe at 17, he knew he
could put water in a container to expand it back into shape? D***, he's a
smart man. The story behind that is too funny.

We also laughed about Trey and Jesse destroying my house and Jesse getting
mentholatum all in his hair, in turn, all over me.

Of course we talked about Ricki Marie, how he wishes he could do more for
her, be there for her and what she must be going through.

Rich has talked about being selfish in his Uncensoreds in wanting to see
her.

It's not selfish. Daddies are supposed to want to see their children, spend
time with them. If he didn't want to see her, then something would be wrong
with that!

I was thankful that she was able to see her Daddy Saturday, and her "Shout
Out" was way too awesome.

Another thing we talked about is the continuing of Uncensored no matter what
happens to Rich. And yes, Uncensored will continue.

Rich is a good man. He doesn't deserve to be going through the h*** he's
living right now. It's a shame that Texas is about to execute him, knowing
this letter, one of the exhibits in his trial, exists from another man
confessing to the murder.

Juries have been wrong before, otherwise, we wouldn't have to appeal process
for jury trials which isn't perfect either.

The Death Penalty is just wrong!

Before I forget, I need to mention a few things.

A couple of weeks ago I received some e mail from someone stating that her
name is "M". She said she had proof of Rich being a liar among other
things. Well, I looked over what she sent and she doesn't have anything but
attempts to make a bad name for Rich.

She's also a few things if forums and in one of Rich's guest books. In the
said guest book, she claims she is from Minnesota which would look like it
is M, one of Rich's dear friends. Before anyone questions that, I'll
tell you right now that it is not M. .

Take care y'all!

sclcookie

05-10-2005, 03:25 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright May 01, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

Man it is 1:59 p.m. and I got a whole lot on my mind at this time so y'all
get ready for a ride into the madness which is my mind, my inner thoughts.

DEATH WATCH today has been a trip. Second round of recreation, 7:30 p.m.
Lonnie and I hit the outside "Flex-Yard", usually it is time for some
serious push-ups or pull-ups..not this morning.Lonnie's got 2 days, less
then 2 days and a wake-up.Lonnie and I are just outside ride'n'like "there
ain't no tomorrow".

Can y'all dig that? F*** no you can't!!

Lonnie's got lots on his mind and we ride. I'm there for my boy and se
shared things, things that don't much get shared between 2 men in
prison.thought's of God, love.hardships, sorrow and regrets. Things so
personal that I could never share with another soul.2 men facing death.

Man this dude has been my neighbor for 3 months.this dude's date just got me
all f***** up!! Just listening to his "Run-Down" on this "Death Process".he
already had 1 of his "All-Day" visits on April 29, 2005!! Man it is just way
too much, but I listen.

I talk, I think.can y'all dig that? No, you can't!!! Get on your know and
thank GOD you can't. I can and it rocks my every thought.

I'm rambling y'all, but I can't think straight. I can't control my emotions
or what they lead me to write.

It's 2:15 p.m. and the clock won't stop.it keeps going.Lonnie will get his
2nd AND LAST "all day" visit tomorrow.then 4 hours Tuesday and that is all
she wrote!!!

I'm tryong to get Irene "a wonderful Christian woman" to call me out for a
visit on the 3rd to see Lonnie and his family!! Why? Because he asked me if
I would!

Lord give me strength.cause I'm gonna need it.

Ya know I got a real special visit coming May 6th, 7th. I look sooo forward
to this visit, but feel so guilty about it.life goes on, right? Not for
Lonnie!!!

F***, this is some crazy a** s*** here!!! Up and down, upside down, right
side up and lop-sided.highs and lows.

I saw my daughter, mother and ex-wife last night. Unbelievable visit!!! Lil
Miss Ricki.to see my baby smile, laugh.my mom came all the way from Chicago
for a 2 hour visit pretty much to "play" referee between Brandy (my ex-wife)
and I.so I could see my daughter, Ricki, who's brown eyes shown so bright
when she opened the picture I drew her. To see that.to feel that magic, that
gratitude, that thankfullness, to be able to have the ability to make her
happy, to see her dimpled faced in laughter.

It is now 3:15 p.m. and I just got back from standing at the door talking to
Lonnie.he hollered at me and I went to ride, once again, with my boy!!

Lonnie and I just received a kite from Sarge .
I'm sending it to Suzanne to add here.yes right here Suzie "Q" : )

By C W. F:

"'Please God'

I've never asked for much, Lord, but today, my heart is heavy. I was grace
to have spent a short time with a brother in Christ. And Lord, as you know,
he's less than 72 hours left on this earth. 'Please God', I'd give all for
the world to see the peace in his eyes and the smile that say's 'I'm ready
to go home.' The light that shines from 78 cell and 79 cell speaks truth to
your word. The light does shine in the darkness and the darkness has not
overcome it. So I ask 'Please God, can we keep them here for a bit, please!'

Yo Shy and Lonnie, bro, my heart is so touched by the light that shines from
you guy's corner of the world.

I've been in that dayroom several times and have felt the Death that comes
from beyond that door. 'Brother', today it was not there. The power that's
going in and coming out of 78, 79 is nothing less than the power of God,
'huh', who would have thought that two people, 'men', whom I was sure were
heathen are now shining with so much of the Lord's light.

I'm sure our Lord has a smile that goes from East to West. I'm speechless.

Gotto go,
Sarge : )

'Unnamed'

What can you say? Nothing. No one know's what happened with him. Why he just
stopped giving a c***. You have to ask yourself, 'What makes a person fall
to that level?'

He started off with life dealing him a nil hand, so he learned to play with
what he had and the ups and downs just come. 'That's life', but you're still
limited to the hand you're dealt. That is until you find a way to draw new
cards. It's a game of chance, that's all life is. Do I draw? Do I take that
chance he seeds?

Well, he did and drew the spider, 'the black widow'. She gave and took til
he was ready to be eaten. Sucked him dry and spit up the powder. The powder
that drew them in one after the other and now the price has to be paid.

What can you say? Nothing.

Sarge : )"

Wow, once again, I'm truly touched and so is Lonnie. Please understand that
Lonnie and I have both made our share of "people who don't too much like us"
because of our actions and words throughout our imprisonment! For Sarge to
say that about the "light" shine from our cells.Man, I have God, but I do
not feel to bright right now. I feel a tremendous weight on my shoulders
with Lonnie.hi is at peace.I'm not!!

Pam, who I saw on visit last Saturday, Pam, the woman who helped Lonnie's
transformation. He told me "Chi-Town, this woman can be no less than heaven
sent to me". Pam, thank you for giving my friend and brother the love he
needed to break-down these walls and see the 'whole' picture.to let him get
past his anger and to find peace in God.

Boy, change the subject once again.

It is 3:37 p.m. and I'm sitting here listening to K-DOL and I heard my
daughter on the radio "Daddy, I love you. This is Ricki!!" She even
dedicated "our sound" to me, "Butterfly kisses". I'm crying like I have not
cried in 8 years.this little girl has showed me so much about myself that I
never even knew was there.

4:04 p.m.-
As I write this, K-DOL plays a message from my mom.and a song "Press-On".
What I ever did in my life to have the love that Ricki and my mom gave me.I
don't know, but I'm one lucky guy. Now words necessary or adequate to
express my feelings and of how they make me feel. What did I ever do to have
these 2 "ladies" in my life. Butterfly Kisses, Ricki Marie, Butterfly Kisses
back to you from you Daddy.Butterfly Kisses Princess!!!

At 3 00 p.m. Lonnie hollered over here and said to me "Chi-Town, I got 51
hours left. Life is good, just short." I laughed!! He laughed!! We laughed.
Character that is character. 51 hours left in life and he can still laugh
and kick it with me!!!

Once again, please forgive me jumping around with all this.I've been writing
times and things Lonnie has been saying on my cell wall. I guess I do that
to.I don't know why, but I do it.

How long will these words cover this coffin's wall? They will last 'til May
19th for sure, but I don't know after that. I'm glad.well almost glad I'm
next, well Wolfe is the 18th.but he and I are gonna pretty much ride it out
together.

I really can't sit here and go through this again like I'm doing with
Lonnie. He has told me thanks for listening dawg, man I'm glad I got you to
talk to. It ain't easy let me tell you, but I'm honored to help him in any
way possible.whatever that may take. Just like he has listened to me. I
listen to him.

Man, I have soo many letters to write, yet I write nothing at all this
weekend. I can't seem to find the words to say.I'm at a point where I'm
beyond "words" to write or jokes to tell, smiles to share. I'm going through
so much in my mind. Once again."What if".those 2 words haunt me daily and
nightly!! 24/7..."What if." I'm just tripping right now people.just speaking
my heart and mind.Oh, you did notice.

I said earlier I had a visit with Rick, right? Who'd of thought? My mom
would have thought.that is who, I owe that visit to.my mom flew from Chicago
to make sure that visit would happen.a 2 hours visit.a visit that she and I
spoke less than 30 minutes. At the end when I apologized to her, her words
were "This visit was not about us, it was for Ricki and you!!" All the way
from Chicago and my mom is not "over-flowing" in the cash department.

Mouse, "on Eagle's Wing", forever and always. Thank you Mouse, that was a
beautiful song : ).

Marina, I heard hour message and you voice. Thank you, eh!!

Jennie, keep a rock'n'me, baby : ). Your music lifts me up so very much.

Suzanne, man, you keep wanting to kick someone's butt!! You need therapy,
woman!! HaHa!Ha!

So many wonder and caring people have reached out to me, especially, these
past 2 months.and I thank you, I thank you so very much. The thing is I no
longer have the time to write back.16 days and a wake-up left.I will
continue Uncensored all the way the the Walls' Unit.

I've been working on some drawings, along with my writings and there are a
few I really need to get done before it's too late. Please do not think
y'all's support has gone unappreciated.Please know I'm saving all these
e-mails, if I see May 20, 2005, I will write back.

5:49 p.m-
Mouse, I'm not the Wind beneath your wings, you are the wind beneath mine.
What an Angel you are, thank you.

For all y'all tripping on these little messages.I'm listening to K-DOL and
having messaged from these people.It seems when all my strength and tenacity
is slipping.Man, I heard my daughter's voice on the radio today!!! In the
same breath, may I say Lonnie will have his last "all-day" visit tomorrow.
Ups and downs for real!!!

6:08 p.m.-
Lonnie just called over here and said "Man, I wish I could fall asleep so
tomorrow morning would get here so I can see Pam!!!" So, this nut wants to
rush time to see Pam!! No offense Pam, but.not but.that is what true love
is.

I'm burned out for the day, folks. I have not re-read this mumble-jumble for
fear I will rip it up.

1 day and a wake up for Lonnie...

In Struggle,
R. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

sclcookie

05-10-2005, 03:30 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright May 02 to May 04, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

May 02, 2005

9:30 p.m.-
Well, hello again people.it has been another long day and it ain't near over
yet. I have a few minutes until Lonnie hollas at me again. He is listening
to Sunny 99.1, listening for a dedication from Pam (Smile).

Well, the day started off pretty bad and for the most part stayed that
way..8.15 p.m., I'm in the dayroom first round of recreation.Lonnie comes to
his door, "G'morning Chi-Town, what's up?" We talk a bit and he says "Man, I
sure would like to get a hair cut before my last all day visit."

So I hollered at the picket officer to please call rank and I did say
please.to see about Lonnie getting a hair cut before the visit, of course
she only got through to Sgt. Henderson who really is not too bright a fella.
H***, I can say this for sure. He has no problem telling an inmate a bold
face lie to his face for he has done it to me twice.

Sgt. H response to the question is "He can get a hair cut at the
Wall's Unit!"

HA!HA!HA! That is pretty d*** funny don't cha think. So that is life a day
before death here at the Polunsky Unit. Tough s*** have a nice day.

Lonnie just shook his head.which if you know Lonnie, that in itself was a
surprise. He just said, "dog, I will talk to Major N sometime today and
see if she can arrange for me to get a hair cut tonight and of course Major
N made sure it got done, no problems, no bull.

Lonnie left out of here today about 8:10 a.m. for his last all day visit. I
just tripped out watching him go thinking tomorrow I will watch this again
around the same time and it will be the last time I will ever see Lonnie. I
hope and pray that he gets a stay, but I also prepare for the worse case
scenario.

All day, I thought about what Lonnie and his family are talking about out
there, what is Pam saying to make him smile? What can anyone say.I sure do
not know what I will say or what can be said at that point.

Lonnie headed back from visit around 5:15 p.m. He hit the dayroom and
started talking to me and a few others here on death watch.

At 5:15 p.m., the picket officer gets on the speaker and says "Gary
, pack up, you're moving to E-Pod!!" So as Lonnie awaits death
tomorrow, Gary gets some breathing room and Lonnie is the first on to
congratulate Gary on his reprieve from death.

So now we all have mixed emotions for Gary and his family, friends and loved
ones. I feel bad feeling good for Gary while Lonnie is in the grips of
death.

So after a bit Lonnie comes in the day room and we stared riding at the
doors. We rode 'til about.or exactly 7:21 p.m. when Robert , another
good, real good friend of mine gets moved in here to death watch.

D***!!! He has a date for August 23rd!! What a bye night we are having here
in our own little h***, eh?

You think if I stand at my door long enough they will come over the speaker
and tell me pack it up!!?? I can dream can't I!?

Well, at this moment it is now 10:23 p.m. and Lonnie and I just got done
talking some more.this really is a mind blowing experience for real.enough
said for now, Lonnie and I are gonna ride the night away.

May 03, 2005

Well, it is right now 11:19 a.m. and it has been on heck of a night and
morning so far.

Lonnie and I rode 'til about 11:30 p.m. last night and I told him to holla
at me when he wakes up in the morning. Well, I missed the 3 a.m. chow call
for breakfast and ended up waking up around 5:30 a.m. and Lonnie's light was
already on..so he obviously did not want to talk or he would have woke me
up. Who knows what he is thinking at this point.

Anyway, I turn my light on, brush my teeth and make a cup of coffee (YES, I
got a hotpot, not!!)! Well, I make sure to make as much noise as possible so
Lonnie will know I'm awake in case he wants to ride for a bit.

About 7:30 a.m. he hollas at me, "Hey, what's up Chi. I got some more stuff
for you." He has already passed what commissary he had to me last night and
this morning he sent me some clothes and some kites to send to some guys
here on the row.

I told him last night I feel like a grave robber as he gives me all his
property that his family did not want..He kept telling me, "Man, I can give
it to you or throw it on the run." So I take what he sends with an
uneasiness.

Well, at 8:04 a.m., the came to get him for his 4 hour visit with his family
and loved ones. "Take it easy Lonnie. Keep your head up. You and your family
are in my prayers."

He said "Right on Chi. See you on the other side, Wood!"

Will those be the last words we ever say to each other? Most likely yes, but
one can never tell.

It is now 11:26 a.m. and the death van should be here no later than 12:15
p.m..at around 11:55 a.m. I will grab a pencil and pad and get up in my
stinking ass window and watch another F****** hand-off.

Man, I'm p*****.it is weird because I know I'm not supposed to be. Man, I
prayed all night and a lot this morning, even told Lonnie about a few
scriptures I read that I thought might comfort him. Still I do not feel at
peace, myself and I really do not want to feel at peace. I feel that my
anger is justified!

Why? I guess because I'm watching this crooked system take another friends
life! Is he guilty? Does it matter? I mean, really, does it matter? It does
not matter to me! I know what kind of man Lonnie is inside. His heart is
golden, but the media nor anyone in this system of blood justice will ever
show that side of Lonnie.

Oh, yeah, he can be a real a***** too! HA!HAH!HA! Believe me, I know this,
too, but once again, can't we all be rather difficult when we want to be?

I just want y'all to know this system is not too humane from my point of
view. Another day in paradise here on the row, eh?

Man, if I could grow hair, I bet it would be gray by now!! I'm ALMOST
grateful that I do not have to bare witness to this madness much longer.
Brian has a date for May 18 and I for the day there after. One more
before me, another d*** good friend of min, Brian and I have been kicking it
for about 7 years now. Now I get to see his family out there suffering right
along with my own, but in a way, a very selfish way, I'm glad I got Brian to
go this difficult rode with me.

Don't get me wrong, I would walk it alone and not be mad at anybody.I do not
wish this on Brian or anyone else for that matter, but to go through it with
a man I consider a friend, a man who has the same fears and doubts and
worries that I have! It helps, it helps a whole lot and I'm thankful for it.
We have had quite a few discussions on what is going down on the 18th and
19th for real...

Man, Lonnie is gone, my neighbor is gone, my friend is gone. I just hope
that he gets a last minute stay of some sort!

11:44 a.m. and I'm going to the window!!
11:55 a.m.-
The troops are starting to gather. I can't tell who is all there. I can see
Warden . I recognize him mostly because he is in "free-world" clothes
like all the Wardens. I believe it is protocol for all 3 Polunsky Unit
Wardens to be present due to the severity of the circumstances.

12:01 p.m.-
Death Van is on time today. I count 13 people out there right now..

12:13 p.m.-
Lonnie comes out of 12 bld., (I guess I was writing when he came from his
visit to 12 building).

As he is ready to step up into the van, I hit on the metal by the window.

Lonnie looks up, smiles, tilts his head and that is the last I saw of him.
He looked right at my window, too. He smiled, that is true character there
people. Once again, it is time to black out my window, turn off my light.

12:14 p.m.-
Gone.

It is 4:12 p.m. and time keeps on ticking, ticking..time stops for no one.

What really sucks is Lonnie and I have been joking and laughing at his date
and mine for the past 3 months.just breaking the tension.believe me when I
say, we had 1 too many serious talks about our dates as well. Things I want
to share, but won't! I know this is Uncensored, but I will respect my
friend's wishes as fare as keeping between us, what is between us. Sorry,
but that's life or death, or whatever.

Pam, I don't know what 6 p.m. holds for Lonnie, but know, no matter what he
faces, your love has carried him through these past few months. He talked
far more about how much he loves you and you him, than anything else.

May 04, 2005

Lonnie Pursley was "Humanely Murdered" last night in the name of Blood
Justice.

Not even "News" anymore, eh? I listened to my radio until midnight and heard
NOTHING about Lonnie. TOO QUIET TOO CLEAN!!!

I found out this morning form an officer!

Rest in Peace Lonnie, the fight is over. My sincere condolences go out to
all of Lonnie's family, loved ones and friends.

I saw Sgt. H punk a** this morning and I cussed him out for.well
as long as I could until he left the pod! He is the funny M***** ****** who
told
Lonnie he could get his hair cut at the Wall's Unit!

I know I did no good by getting loud with the dude, but I sure feel better
now. I've been waiting to give him a piece of my mind for the B.S.!!!

Well, Brian went to his 14 day summary this morning. That is when a D.R.
Prisoner goes down to the office to sign papers for witnesses of you
execution, visitor list changes, spiritual advisor, who's to get your
property, last commissary purchases.Oh, what fun!

I have my 14 day summary tomorrow!! What a slap of reality, eh?

I started cleaning out my cell today. I've been trying to do this without
making a big issue out of this, but all the officers stopped and asked me
what was up?.A few asked "How ya doing?" Oh, man fantastic guy!! Peaches and
Cream!!

I did appreciated the ones who asked this with a sincere look on their
faces. Then I think.maybe they are just "feeling me out" or something, to
make sure I don't want to go off!

Yes, I am mad, but that is what I choose to show on the outside, on the
inside is where..the other feelings are kept.the ones I must work out within
myself.

I really, really do not feel like writing right now. Sometimes it help,
sometimes it hurts.

Y'all, once again, my sincerest thanks for all the love and support you've
shown my loved ones and myself> I got about 25 letters last night and spent
4 hours going through them, while listening to my radio to hear about Lonnie
and those letters and e -mails really kept me strong and humbled, too!

You may ask why, humble. Well, because a lot of those letters talked about
God and his love and his will.just powerful words.

One lady from S. Africa wrote me this real long letter with tons of
scriptures in it! It made me get out my bible to check 'em out, which is
just what I needed all along.

I'm rambling again, eh? I just want y'all to know how very much your support
means to me. All of you, every last letter and e-mail. Than you so very
much.

Standing Tall and
Fading all
R. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

This is from C Young

"May 1, 2005

Greeting to all!

I was just looking at my calendar and I realized that Lonnie Pursley is
scheduled to be slaughtered by the state in two days.

One of the most solid convicts on the row. An over all 'D*** good guy'. A
family that love him and friends who respect him. Keep the cycle of pain
going!

I want to drift from the negative. I read in one of Richard's recent
Uncensored articles that there are people who doubt his innocence. Why? How
can someone be 100% sure of something they truly know nothing about.

Oh, I know why, because President George W. Bush said that there was "no
innocent people on Death Row in Texas." He is the president, so it must be
true!

Oh, yeah, did they ever find those Weapons of Mass Distruction? Hmmm. No, I
don't think they did!

People lie and people make mistakes.

I just found out that the prosecutors in my case told people to lie in my
trial and that they could not talk to my defense team. (Well, I knew they
were lying.)

Not 1, but "4" people have give statements that the prosecution had them lie
and told them they couldn't talk to my defense legal team. One of these
people was a co-defendant in my case who was never arrested.

I also found out that another co-defendant in the case, who admitted to
shooting the first victim, only received a 15 years non-aggravated a reward
for his testimony against me. He went from facing the Death Penalty to only
getting 15 years!

I guess he did a good job, huh?

The last but not least co-defendant in the case, whom failed a lie detector
test and bragged about getting away with murder, only received 35 years!

The only proof in my case is co-defendant testimony! I never killed or shot
anyone.

So out of 4 people, only one (myself) received the Death Penalty. I was the
youngest and only one that did not help the prosecution. I can prove
everything I claim.

So all those people whom doubt Richard, you should open you mind! Everyone
is entitled to their own opinion, true enough. We are talking about a human
life, though. A father, a son, a friend, an uncle, a 'before treatment'
model for Rogaine! : ) Ha! Sorry, I had to throw in a little humor about
Richard's bald head. : )

Though seriously, the risk is just too great. Well over a hundred men have
gotten off of Death Row in the United States by proving they were innocent.
How many were not able to prove it?

Speaking of number and statistics, I was reading in the Texas Monthly May
Edition of 2005. It had an article about where Texas ranks amongst the other
states. It listed some interesting stuff like out of 52 states in America,
Texas ranks 50th in percentage of low income children with insurance and
50th in number of high school graduates age 25 or older. Hmmm. Not good.

Lets scroll on down to where we stand at 49th. Well, don't drink the water,
because ladies and gentlemen, Texas ranks 49th in spending on water quality!

Lets see what else. Ah! We are ranked 47th in percentage of poor who receive
Medicaid. 46th in per capital spending on mental health! Everyone out there
be careful, because that means a lot of untreated crazy people are running
around!

43rd in workforce education and income distribution equality. Hmmm. Well,
that isn't good, considering all the chemical plants in Texas. Didn't one
blow up a couple of weeks ago? Well, now we know why.

Here is an interesting fact. Texas ranks 37th in compliance with the Supreme
Court decision, declaring that unjustified institutionalization of disabled
person is discrimination. Well I guess it is true! Texas will lock anyone
up!

Coming in 35th in per capita spending on police protection! That doesn't
seem right seeing how Texas is 48th in average spending on child protection!
That doesn't match up too well. Especially since we got cops killing kids. I
think there was 2 or 3 cases of that happening in Houston, TX last year! One
of which I think resulted in a conviction on the police officer.

Texas is 33rd in firearm deaths per 100,00 people. 32nd in per capita
spending on education. 15th in murder rate. (I guess they don't count use of
the Death Penalty.) 11th in violent crime rate and low income students in
public schools.

9th in number of hazardous-waste sited on the Environment Protection
Agency's national priorities list. Well, hell. What is suspected when Texas
is 43rd in work force education. Kids, don't touch that six legged frog!

Texas comes in 7ths in poverty rate, 5th in total crime rate, 4th in
percentage of children living in poverty, 3rd in percentage of the
population that is malnourished. 2nd in percentage of population that goes
hungry, over all birth rite, teenage birth rate, amount of exposure to ozone
pollution, hazardous chemicals spills, number of inmates per 100,000 people
and number 2 in number of road-rage traffic fatalities. Y'all drive safely
ya hear!

Now lets hit the drum roll!!! Coming in at #1 in the USA is Texas in amount
of toxic and cancerous manufacturing emissions, number of clean water permit
violations, number of environment and civil rights complaints,
discrimination lawsuits filed and guess what? That's right #1 in executions!
Yeah baby. Texas is #1! I guess the great State of Texas has a lot of
problems. We got a lot of poor, uneducated, radiation, exposed, non-driving,
hungry, dirty water drinking, violent, crazy and sick people running around.

So now I know where TDCJ gets it's workers! Keep in mind Texas is 43rd in
work force education. I guess that explains how Deon Tumblin was able to
die! Also, explains how so many people get wrongfully convicted. Too poor to
pay for a good legal representative, the jury members too dumb to care and
the DA's uneducated and overly exposed to toxic waste. Now we all know where
President George W. Bush gets his speech problems from. The poor boy wasn't
educated! I mean anyone that says 'There are no innocent people on Death Row
in Texas,' can't have too much sense.

Well, I think I covered a lot of ground. I just mainly wanted to show how
out of whack this state is. Plus challenge the death penalty from a new
angle.

I am going to go ahead and bring this to an end. Use the pain to fuel the
fire. I leave as I came.

Respectfully,
C L Y
Polunsky Unit-Death Row

Stand Tall, Fade All, NEVER FALL

P.S. A note to all the Texas Readers! If the things states in this article
do not apply to you, then let it fly (if it don't apply, let it fly). I just
wanted to add a little humor and show that Texas does have a lot of
problems. I mean I was born and raised in Texas. So.well, I will be d*** so
that is what is wrong with me! To h*** with an Atkins Claim (mental
retardation). I got me a Texan Claim! : )

Ya'll drive safely and watch out for 2 headed deer and aggravated postal
workers!

C Y
Polunsky Unit
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77351

babygirl350

05-10-2005, 03:50 PM

Very sad and painful stories from the Row. Thanks for sharing and giving us the insight into the row and the real trauma and life that goes on there. Life and death and everything in between. I just would hope one day, there will be no Death Row.

suzeg3

05-10-2005, 04:01 PM

thanks again Suzanne for posting this. Nothing to say, I am so sorry that I did not make the uncensored special edition. I don't know what i could say that would matter to Rich, except that we, my son, my husband (who is incarcerated) his mother and I, all pray for him and believe in him and that we hope, and beleive that he will be spared this injustice, as will his daughter.

haswtch

05-10-2005, 09:45 PM

what a brave man. what a gift he is giving to us with his honesty. And I like the way those statistics were put together, how sad the picture is...and how clear.

specht

05-15-2005, 10:14 AM

I have no idea what this must feel like, knowing there's only so little time left... Suzanne, doe you have any idea how Richard and his family are doing? I really hope they are able to be strong (how can you be?), and to keep on fighting through this unfair, unrealistic and surreal time they must be going through. I don't know what to say, they are in my thoughts a lot...

butterflydazzel

05-15-2005, 11:02 AM

If I find this distressing, I cant begin to imagine how it must be for his family. This is so unbelievable and so unnecessary. How does one live through a day knowing that each minute brings you closser to one of the biggest injustices and purposeless acts imaginable? I dont think there is a minute that I go past my computer and dont think about how Richard must be feeling and how beautiful the words in his last uncensored. May God continue to give him and his family all the strength necessary to face the next few days and I pray that the outcome will be a positive one and that he is spared this barbarism. Strength to you too Susanne and to all his friends......I sincerely hope that the outcome for this will be positive. Hugs.

suzeg3

05-15-2005, 12:02 PM

Its strange, but for the last few days, I have woken up thinking about Richard and how it is one day less for him and his family. Its not as if I didn't know the death penalty existed before him and that it was wrong, its just his story, his family and his brilliant words as well as his compassionate heart that is there in his writings have touched me deeply and made me realize again (at least again since my activism college days) how cruel and wrong this sentence is, for anyone. No matter what happens to Richard on Thursday, his voice will not be forgotten, he has so affected my heart and soul that I will not forget him. I pray that God give strength to him, to his beautiful little girl, his mother and you Suzanne as you continue this journey.

sclcookie

05-15-2005, 01:45 PM

Everyone is so great and supportive. I'll be sending these postings tonight to Rich next day mail. They'll be at the Unit Tuesday. Any e mails or posting please have them up by 10 p.m Central Standard Time AKA Texas time :) and I'll get 'em sent.

Listen to KDOL in about 15 min and Irene, Missy and Jennie should be there by then. I don't know if they have the show started yet.

huggggz,
Suzanne

sclcookie

05-15-2005, 02:43 PM

UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright May 10, 2005

Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005

Well, hello, again to all who have tuned in for another episode of the
rantings and ravings of my mind.

9 more days to live and so many thoughts in my mind.so many what ifs in my
mind, so many regrets, so many broken dreams...anxiety is another emotion on
the top of my list, and than again I have so much love in my heart for all
the people who have stood by me and given me their love and support
unconditionally.

I feel so very blessed that God has surrounded me by so many loving and
caring people.

Lonnie's execution seems like just hours before, but in fact it has been 7
days since the State of Texas killed him in the name of blood justice. 7
days that have gone by way too fast for me, yet at the same time they
drag.always at night when I stir from my sleep with restless thoughts of
what I must do, what I want to say to my loved ones.

I spend this morning writing what may very well be the last letter I will
ever write my beautiful daughter Ricki. What a letter that was to write. By
far that was the hardest letter I ever had to write in my life.

Oh, so many things I must tell my little girl, but than again she will
always be my little girl, but what I'm trying to say is she will be all
grown up by the time Grandma gives this letter to her to read.

What kind of woman will she have grown into by that time? Will she love me,
or hate me? Will she still have my last name or have it changed out of
spite? Heck, will she be married? Live in Texas? So many questions to answer
before I wrote that letter.

I tried to keep in mind how old she might be when she gets to read this
letter, but I cannot see past those crooked front teeth and freckled nose
and dimpled smile of my 8 year old princess.

As I said that was the hardest letter I've written so far, but there have
been a few this past week. I have friends overseas and realize that to get
mail takes 10 days sometimes so I had to put my "last letters" to these
people late last week. Painful letters, it is hard to write these letters
and not sound defeated in them.

I have not given up hope, but I'm not a dumb a** either (Mouse, I do not
remember asking you for your 2 cents on this matter, thank you very
much!!!!). Whatever the future holds for me I will embrace with both arms
and stand up and face it.

To me it is a win win situation. On one hand, if I get a stay, I get to
watch Ricki Marie grow up for another couple of years.to watch my mom grow
older another couple of years, to continue my friendships with all the
people I have been writing these past few years. Also, all the letters I
have no time to answer right now, but would if I'd get a stay. Those are all
great things to look forward to.

Now on the other hand if these jokers kill me I'm gone from the cement
coffin that I have called home these past 5 years. The inhumane treatment
and torture of Texas' Death Row, not just gone from this h*** on earth but
into heaven above. Man, how can I not be looking forward to that? To be done
with this earthly life and move on into eternity with God sounds like a
great idea to me. In a weird way I am kinda excited about all this.I'm scare
too, but not a fear of dying, but a fear of the pain and anguish I will
leave behind to my loved one's with my passing.

I've not used my Uncensored articles to preach about God or my beliefs to
extensively in the past because.well, I do not really know why, but I know I
want to discuss God and what he has done for me in my life. I know if it was
not for me being on death row I would have never excepted God into my life
or my heart.

God was the furthest thing from my mind in the free-world. I was a very
materialistic person out there.

The peace that God has put in my heart these past few months is nothing
short of a miracle. I'm usually pretty hi-strung as most of you who follow
Uncensored know! (SMILE) I'm really truly at peace no matter what happens.

I know a lot of guys who will get this Uncensored sent into them here at the
Polunsky Unit will roll their eyes and say right.not the Chi-town I know!
What is this B.S.!!!

That is how God works. He comes to us in our most trying of times and picks
us up and carries us through.

So many people ask for miracles, but than never open their eyes to see them.
They are all around us. I have to look no further than Ricki Marie to see my
miracle of God!! Too bad my dumb ass didn't see her for the miracle of God
she was until after I came to the row.

I just hope those out there reading this right now who do not know God make
an effort to become closer to him. It is so easy to do.just do one thing for
me. Read this one passage in you Bible: Romans 10:9,10

Before I move onto another subject, I would like to say thank you so very
much to J and I W. These are 2 people in their 80's mind you,
who come up here to the Polunsky Unit every day to call men out of their
cages and preach the word of God to them.

J has handled me and my walk with God with kid gloves of patience when I
know he just wanted to reach through that glass and slap me upside my head.
J took the time to make me see the light. We had many visits before I
opened my eyes yet he never gave up on me, never.

Thank you J. Without your patient counsel, I would never be able to feel
the peace I now have in my heart.

Oh, yeah, another something I want to talk to y'all about. I've mentioned
the radio station 96l1 K-DOL out of Livingston, and the fact that they run a
"Shout Out" show for the guys here on the Polunsky Unit from 3 'til
whenever..well it is a good way to get your loved one to listen to some good
new style preaching by Pastor John as they tune in for you "Shout Out."

You can even request songs, religious or non-religious songs for that
matter. You can listen to your "Shout Outs" via internet by going to
http://www.radiocast24x7.com/kdol_launch.htm (http://webmail.valueweb.net/index.cgi?redirect=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.radiocast24x7. com%2Fkdol_launch.htm&timestamp=1116186054&md5=9IWcZm8iMdv6C2feOb0zxw%3D%3D)

Also, you can even send them an actual message with your voice, but I'm not
sure how all this gets done, but you can find out more by contacting them
via e-mail, snail mail..It is a very nice way to make someone here on the
row feel special.

If you do not know anyone on the row, you can still make a "shout out" to
all the row.

I've said this before and I'll say it again, this fight is not about one
man. Therefore this fight is not over with one man's death. It ain't over
with 100 men's deaths, or 1000 for that matter. This fight is not over until
the death penalty is completely abolished in the USA, and the rest of the
world. Totally abolished is when the fight is over. When we no longer kill
in the name of justice, then the fight is over.

As I take this walk towards my death I do it with a good friend of min,
B W, who has a date for May 18th, the day before my own date. We are
neighbors now and we have had some pretty wild and crazy talks about what is
going down, but most on our minds is the pain and suffering our families are
going through. And here I though we were all cold blood and heartless
killers, eh? HA!HAH!HA!

I have to laugh at that, because I've met some very loving and caring people
behind these walls. It is just like in the free world. There are good and
bad everywhere. You cannot possibly write off a group of people as evil and
heartless.

I've been hesitant about writing this Uncensored because I did not have a
basis of what I wanted to say or the points I wanted to try and get across.
I usually start with some kind of seed as to what I want to write about. I
had not that seed this time and just sat down and said I must write this. I
promised y'all to take you on this very personal journey with me and it gets
harder as the days tick on..tick..tick..I need no reminders of that fact
that time stands still for no man, especially one on the row.

I will continue to write my thoughts from my heart, and even plan on writing
somewhat over the Walls Unit to let you know how it goes down all the way up
to the time they say "come on Cartwright, it's time".

So y'all gonna go through this with me and I hope the inside personal view I
share with you helps you to better understand that I am a person, I do love,
and I am loved.

I'm sure there are more than a few people out there who love to read about
my struggles and sufferings, and to you, I say I forgive you. Can you
forgive me?

I've gotten some hate-mail these past few weeks and I just open it, read 'em
and throw them away. So much hate and anger in people's hearts who call me a
monster!!! Now that is just crazy and out of line, but I understand that it
is to try and hurt me. Being murdered, state sanctioned murdered, but
murdered nonetheless, so if that is not enough for y'all than I can't help
you. May 19th is right around the corner so hold onto your hats and find
something better to do with your time.

What an emotional roller coaster this past week or so have been for me. It
is an amazing range of emotions that I am experiencing from one end of the
spectrum to another

First Lonnie gets executed! Man, talk about a low blow to deal with. I mean
I sat and rode with this cat for almost 3 months, neighbors for the last 2.
It was Lonnie and I on 2 row and nobody else. To watch him come and go to
those last visits and to be finally loaded up into the van..Life goes on, I
know, but it is a painful going on to experience. It took my legs out from
under me, floored me, but one must pick themselves up and go on. To do less
would dishonor Lonnie's memory.

He was a strong man, to be strong for him is all one can do. So as I am
dealing with this overwhelming sense of loss.I am preparing for a visit with
a woman who.man I do not know how to say what I feel, just.I guess a woman
who's love and friendship are one of the brightest memories of my life, one
of the happiest times of my life, of course, we have both moved on, but
still, to see this woman, and to hear about her life was such a wonderful
feeling and brought me so much happiness, literally helping me escape the
insanity that my present situation has caused me.

So now as I sit here and type this I think about both Lonnie and Ms. Las
Vegas..all in all I feel happy. I mean I know Lonnie is in a much better
place than this s*** hole anyway, right?

Once again I feel so very blessed to have so many people in my life who have
come through for me when it counted most, to help me see the light, to help
me lift myself up beyond self doubt, to give me that hand when I need it
most.

Thank you "Vegas" and I'll be seeing you!

Now on Saturday, the 14th, I will spend what most likely will be my last
private visit with my mother. 2 hours just does not seem like enough. This
poor woman is flying all the way from Chicago for a stinking 2 hour visit.
I'm both complaining I guess, and I'm bragging, eh?

What a woman!! Of course she will stay down here for the whole weekend and
be here to see me the whole following week up to the 19th of May. Oh, man, I
do not even want to go there right now.

Hey, Lizerd, I am not going crazy, thank you very much! I saw my old friend
Lizerd at visitation Saturday the 7th and he said he has been reading my
Uncensored and thinks that I have gone crazy! HA!HAH!HAH! I just hope
someday he does not have to sit down here and watch his friends being
systematically fed to the killing machine to see how well he fades this
crap. If I was not going a little bit crazy, it would only mean I was beyond
crazy.

Speaking of crazy, do you think God will let me publish an Uncensored from
Heaven??HHMMM!!!

Hey, S "Q", want to get a laugh at my expense? Of course you do. You
know how I like to poke fun at Texas and rednecks and all that stuff..well,
my visit this past Saturday..your not going to believe this.she told me.yes
me.that I have a Texas accent!! Out of all the nerve in the world, this poor
girl must be crazy herself, eh?

Well, y'all, I gotta take this one down yonder way.Peace Out!!!

Standing Tall
R. Cartwright
999224
Polunsky Unit
3872 F.M. 350 S.
Livingston, TX 77251

By R S, #999166:

"How Do You Make It Through the Day?

Since I began my state-directed appointment with Death, I have been asked
that question numerous times. After all these years, I still don't have an
answer.

Each day, I have to relive the events that sent me here and the pain that is
has caused. Many thoughts crowd my senses. Remorse, anger, frustration and
helplessness are just a few of the emotions I deal with daily.

Confronting the reality of your own pending execution and watching with
grief as friends are led off like cattle to the slaughter by the State of
Texas is an ongoing battle just to maintain you sanity.

Each day as I wake I have to dig deeper and deeper inside myself and rise up
to meet Death Row and it's dehumanizing processes head-on. In my situation
you have to be 'acrimonious'. You have to say 'D*** it, I am not going to
let them do this to me!' I am not going to become one of the states
statistics! I am going to fight! I won't settle for what has not happened. I
must not grieve my death before my final breath.

To hole on, not give up, to preserve when the hopelessness and the
depression are overwhelming my first waking thoughts. I, like all human
beings, will die, but for now, my focus shifts back to LIFE.

There is not a day that goes by in my life that I do not thing about what
happened or the pain it has cause. However, I do not believe the State of
Texas has the right to take my life. Some acts must be recognized as evil in
themselves.

We, as a nation, cannot let Capital Punishment be a collective Act of
revenge. It must never be allowed to become a release for our collective
anger.

History teaches us the inherent danger in 'mob psychology'. I am sure most
victims' families want and feel they deserve both justice and revenge. Can
we as a nation condone this? I honestly believe in the idea of Justice that
this country was founded on (not some perverted sense of revenge). Revenge
and justice are two totally different things.

I am sure that the victims' families have suffered through this ordeal. They
probably hat me. One of the hardest parts of my trial was sitting in the
courtroom hearing the victims family weeping. They will, in all likelihood,
fid out that my murder will not put 'closure' on their grief and pain.

I have a sense of their emotions, as I have observed the emotions of the
families of my friends who have been murdered, and continue to witness the
grief in my own family and friends.

Violence begets violence. To kill is wrong and I thinks we all can agree on
that. It does not matter in what name you kill or for what reason, anger,
addiction or even in the name of 'Justice'. It doesn't matter what road you
take, killing is killing and you end up in the same place.

Stop this twisted cycle of continuing violence, loss, pain and grief. Look
at what is happening around you and never say never. Do not think that this
could never happen to you or someone you love.

It must be some kind of sick joke that they let people watch these murders
like a circus freak show. These murders are planned over a period of years,
if that isn't premeditated murder, what is?

They just can't wait to get you on that table to watch you gasp and choke
away your last breath. They feel some great need to see you die, to witness
death! I would not be surprised if they came out with pay-per-view
executions in the near future. What a great way to make a buck!

Yet we, the convicts, are labeled as 'Animals'. I just don't understand the
double standard.

If you have a heart in you chest, a brain in your head and the capability to
be honest with yourself then you know that this thing the politicians call
Capital Punishment is Dead Wrong! How can anyone say there is no hope for a
nineteen year old to become a productive member of society. I know some
truly passionate people on the row. People, who if give the chance, could
and would do a lot for others as well as themselves.

Think about it people, Capital Punishment is not the answer! Justice, I
think not! Has murder ever been the answer for anything? Every Western
Democracy except the great USA has abolished the death penalty. It is way
past time for us to take a long look at ourselves.

Statistics prove out that State murders have not been a deterrent to violent
crimes. State-sanctioned murder has been disproportionately meted out to the
poor, especially the minority poor.

I hope that the moral, ethical and spiritual convictions that most Americans
hold dear will preclude them from supporting acts of vengeance in the name
of Capital Punishment.

In closing, I would personally like to thank all the people out there who
are fighting to rid society of this terrible wrong.the death penalty.

R S"

Hello, it's me again. R sent me a tablet of some of his poems earlier.
I asked him to write a couple to go in with his article. He said "pick 2 and
use 'em."

When I first opened his tablet, I read."*WARNING, CONTENTS MAY BE HAZARDOUS
TO YOUR HEALTH*"

So y'all been warned..here they go:

"'Affirmation'

Each and every day my life improves
Because that is the way I want it
Through my will power and personal effort
My convictions shall bear fruit
My success and failures are tools used
To make me stronger, calmer, and
More positive in all that I do
I shall always get the best out of
Whatever situation I find myself in.

R. S

'Trapped Inside'

I am in that special place
Another world where it seems
That I can fulfill my dreams

A sweet place filled with
No complications, no locked doors
No bonds to keep us chained

There is nowhere to hide
From this prison called love
Can't help the way I feel

R. S