Could someone tell me about culture shock, and what is the hardest thing about it.
Thanks
Dee

I'm not sure that I know what you are asking but I will give it a try. To me culture shock is when one moves from one society to another that is diffrerent from what they are used to. The amount of cultural shock can differ. It can be
something like an inner city culture vs surburbia to a rural farm culture vs the big city etc.

OR:

If an American were to move to Europe the differences in lifestyles wouldn't be as great than if this American moved to a place like China or Pakistan where there are greater differences in our culture and behavior. You wouldn't know the customs or what may be offensive, and you may be offended by things they do that are normal for them. You may feel lost in how to behave appropriately in that society.

You can find some interesting reads on culture shock if you do a search for
"The lost boys of Sudan." Its about some guys from Sudan who had escaped civl war in their country and were brought to the states by church groups. They
had grown up in refugee camps and here they were grown men using light switches, toilets, elevators etc. for the first time in their life, going into grocery stores and restuarants was completely foreign to them.

I hope something here helps. I guess to answer your other question. The hardest part would be learning the way things are done.

I am thinking being released from prison after many years inside. That kind of culture shock.
Dee

I'm not sure if I am right either -- but I'ma try.... it's when you go into prison, and society is one way, you come out and everything is totally different. Like I know my baby isn't coming home for a while, but he asks me for things -- and tells me to go to Bradlees to pick it up...He has no idea that bradlees has been closed for 10 years, The music is different, the trends, styles, everything is different from what it was when they went in, and when they come home it's hard to adjust to....

What was the hardest thing for him to adjust to, and how long did it take?
Thanks
Dee

My man is still locked up, so from personal experience I don't know how he will adjust but I do know, that alot of times, he doesn't understand how things have changed, I'll have to explain to him like "baby, gas is 2.40 a gallon -- I can't afford to drive 300 miles 2 times aweek anymore" or something like that -- he forgets, cuz when he went in -- gas was like 99 cents a gallon. so its prolly a lot of little things they have to adjust to, and it prolly depends on the amount of time they had as well as their personality...

My ex was only in a couple of years and he didn't really have that hard of a time adjusting as far as like sleeping with another person in bed etc.but a few little things struck me as far as his adjusting goes.He did wake up extremly early every morning like he did in prison,he talked to himself quite a bit at first as he was used to doing in the SHU as he had to keep himself company.The biggest thing for him I think was how busy everything/everyone was and how fast paced it all is,he said on more then one ocassion'Why is everyone in such a hurry? They need to slow down and chill out and just take things as they come,no use rushing" That would really bother him,my fast driving and being in a hurry etc. got on his nerves pretty bad.

Lucidity,

I hope that I can explain this in away that will bring understanding.

I am both retired military and an ex-inmate. I compare my release from prison to my retirement from the service.

Believe it or not the two experiences are very similar. For twenty years I had the security of knowing that I had a job, I knew what I was going to wear everyday. I knew who I had to report to in the chain of command and who had to report to me. I knew that at the very least, if it came down to it I would have three meals, a roof over my head, never mind most of the time it was a ship and the ability to survive.

Prison, I compare to when I first came in the service, I was at the bottom of the totem pole, but in this case I knew I was going to stay there - at the bottom that is. However, I still had the assurance of clothing, a roof (if you can call it that) and food. In some very odd way, prison life is easy, even easier than the military, and I was terrified that I could have gotten used to it - if for anything, even though we were not treated well, at least we did not have to worry about survival. In retrospect, I realize in reality we did have to worry about survival.

This so hard to explain.

When I retired, and came out of prison, my first thoughts were of survival, how was I going to get a job, especially after prison, how was I going to care for myself let alone my partner and parents?

In both the military and prison to some extent you become institutionalized if you let it. Someone said: "I am in prison not of prison!"

I still have trouble sleeping, for months after I came home I had to force myself to touch the doors, something we were not allowed. On occasion I can still hear them at night when the house is quiet.

Making decisions at times can be difficult for me, something I did everyday as Underway Officer of the Day on a ship. I have become indecisive and am working on that now.

I don't know if I have been clear, this is just what I am going through, I hope it changes some day, I have been home two years last March. At times, I don't feel I have made any progress.

One other thing that I wanted to mention perhaps the most important - touch, being touched and loved, real honest loving human contact. I missed it so much and wanted it so badly, but when it came again I shied away from it, it took along time, but it is the most precious gift that has been returned to me since my release.

Patti

I want to thank all of you for helping me undersrand...really!!
Dee

its probably like stepping out of a time machine... I have seen several people come out ofter long a term and I tell you its a little like watching a doe in the headlights for the first bit ... especially for convicts, because they have forgotten how to make simple choices we totally take for granted, like what to eat, what the like to wear. Shopping seems extremely distressful for them at first.... that sort of thing....
and if they have been down a seriously long time consider how computerized we have become... that might be a little frightening at first... but they got used to prison, they can get used to not prison a lot easier... as long as they are at least a littel open-minded, they can get through anything!

I have been all around the world, and it has ben fascinating and bizarre, but it was the things in the different areas of the states I wasnt prepared for.
Getting resocialized is a lot harder than just walking into a new neighhborhood .... not really hardly the same thing.

my husband has been in jail since he is 17...he will be home when he is 34....talk about culture shock...

I worry for him so much, leaving him alone in a Big city, and he worries too...about being able to take care of me and being a real "man."

Reality has begun to hit - and I am scared - but also- I am also excited. This is going to be a HUGE change, but also an adventure too!

Friscolady, what should the loved one do, to help the one coming home to ease into the shock? how did your relationship stand all of that? and now?

An ex friend and I were just talking about this not too long ago. Since her fiance has been locked up for so long and has so much longer to go, we discussed the many changes that have taken place out here. Even gas pumps have changed. I think you have only to look around and you can see all of the changes depending on how long he has been inside the walls. He has to know the cars have changed for sure.

I had "culture shock" when I moved from a big city to a tiny town, if you can even call it that. There are no book stores, no theatres, our main shopping is Wal Mart. There are no fancy restaurants.

If you want any of these conveniences, you have to get in your car and travel. We also have no public transportation of any kind.

However, there is peace in the country. You can smell fresh air and everything is quite laid back. People usually are more friendly, however, also at times can be nosey, as everyone knows everyone.

Good luck to you.

Mrs. G,

The key is patience, and Linda has lots of that. She has been gently leading me back into life. When I first came home there were alot of crying jags, for what reason, I can't tell you. The first time it happened I would not even let her touch me, slowly over time, it got to the point that I cried in her arms, I don't cry much now. Linda has helped me regain the strength and ability to know that I can make it and will make it.

She has gently helped me face the problems I have had, at first, she would help me make decisions, and as Life Partners, we make most major decisions together, and she has gotten me to the point that the ones that I have to make alone, I can handle them, just not like I could before.

The most important thing that Linda has helped me with is my self respect, it is still shaky, but it is there. Knowing that I am someone who is loved, valued, and respected as a human being, that is what is the most important.

Our relationship while I was in and just after I came home was shaky at best. Now, it is strong, we know that if we could face what we did, then we can face anything.

One tip, to all of you, keep your own respect, do not take any gruff from you loved ones, yes it is going to be rough on both of you, but the one thing that Linda told me, was:

"I love you, I am here for you, and WE will get through this together, as a couple, as life partners. Remember that though I was not physically with you in prison, I WAS in prison with you. You will treat me with respect, you will not yell at me, we will discuss things as adults. We will deal with your pain together for it is truely OUR pain together."

She laid that out the first day I way home.

We get frustrated with each other, but we have found away of turning our disagreements, frustrations, etc., into laughter and we find ways to resolve problems with discussion and laughter.

What works for us, may not work for you, but always, always, remember that any relationship is based on love and respect for each other. Do not let your loved ones take their pain out on you, EVER!

Learn the signs that show they need their space, or they need you to be close, at first you will have to hold them steady, but don't be afraid to let them take baby steps then eventually walk in life.

Remember too, that they have to learn you again, or for the first time if you met when they were in.

I am rambling, I hope that made sense.

Good Luck to you all, and keep faith in yourselves.

Patti

I do understand, thanks for sharing that.

thanks so much. Everyone has helped me understand, and know how to handle it.
Dee

Thank You so much Patti for expressing youself well and explaining what many of us will face in the days to come!