Hello everyone, I didn't want to threadjack on anyone else's thread so I decided to start my own.

I'm so confused! I really want to help out a really close friend of mine but it seems that she is stuck in an abusive relationship. It' a very unhealthy relationship and I just cannot fathom why she would want to stay. He has slapped her, bruised her arm, repeatedly spit in her face....even left her stranded in the middle of a highway.

So what is a friend to do? No matter what I or her friends tell her, she keeps on going back to him. She says that she can't find any other man that could make her as happy as him, yet he constantly accuses her of cheating and degrades her.

I feel horrible and I'm scared for her life. I know the obvous answer to my question but it's really harder then it seems. How do I help?

This is a tough one...if you have tried to help and she doesnt want it I dont think there is much you can do except to support her. I understand your fears, but unfortunatly i think the first step in getting help is wanting help. If she chooses to stay with him i cant think of much you can do. I wish you and her the best.

I have found the best way to reach someone in her situation is to tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her that you are her friend, but you cannot stand by and watch her allow this to happen to herself. That when she needs a friend you will be there for her in any way possible, but you will not "co" her in this self destructive decision of remaining with an abusive partner.... then walk away (and MEAN it!), but before you do, let her know under no circumstances are you going to turn your back on her that are there for her when she decides to take her life back.

Sounds harsh I know, but I have seen more women respond positively to this message than any other.

Because I am in the same situation as your friend is I would tell you what I would like my friends to do for me, she would probably like this as well: support her, BE THERE, DON'T judge, and LISTEN and let her vent. When she has had enough of it she will leave him, but only she can be the one to decide when that is.

Pick up some DV literature - even print some off the computer - give it to her. Have the hot line #'s readily available not only to her but to you. Find out shelter information so its handy.

Check this website... they have a ton of information for everyone!

http://www.ndvh.org/

Be there & open your home to her if she needs to get away. Let her know she has options, as far as having some place to go.
(Also, tell her to fill out an Advance Directive & will, so she doesn't end up like Terri Shiavo & have to put her loved ones through the trauma of having to decide for her whether or not to disconnect the Life Support.) :idea:

As what I like to call a survivor, let me let you in a little secret she knows whats up. It takes a while for women to snap that they will never change, we have to get our self esteem back, and no people are not against him for some ridiculous reason that yes one day he is really going to hurt us. The best thing is to be a good listener and a strong shoulder she can cry on. Don't leave her by herself with no friends at all, then he wins. He wants her to himself, the more people she has by her side listening and pointing (not screaming or throwing a fit) the way offers her glimpses of the real world not the prison he has put her in. It will take several attempts to leave after she realizes the entirity of her sitiuation. At that time she will need you. Let her know that there are shelters for battered women (they are not that bad i been in two of them one in Arizona the other in New Mexico) they are real nice houses. she will live with other women and their children. Its totally FREE. They help you with all the court issues needed for her sitiuation. For some they even help go back to school. Not to mention an excellent counseling staff. JUST BE HER FRIEND DON'T PUSH JUST LISTEN!!! When she is pushed to far or faces her fear of him hopefully she will leave but not before she is ready no matter what people tell her.