I've been in a relationship with him for 2yrs. now, 1 yr. of them he has been locked up, and Ive been there for him in every way possible. We started talking bout when he gets out, and he said he wouldnt change all of his ways. He said he would keep on doing all drugs.. I was willing to compromise for him to do weed but he didnt agree, so I had him choose and he didnt pick me. I feel like I've wasted my time but I still love him. We still write and he says he loves me and the only way he would stop is if he had a child.... I dont know ...does any one have any words of encouragement??

Sorry you are going through this! You deserve betteR! I am here for you if you need to talk, just pm me!

It sounds like a control thing. I don't think I would want to have a child with someone who said that the only way they would stop using is to have a child. What happens if you have a child and he doesn't stop using? I think that he has some issues to work out and probably needs to mature a little before I would get any deeper into the relationship with him. I know that you love this man but it may be a toxic relationship if you are not able to even get him to meet you half way on some important issues. Step back and evaluate the situation. As of right now it appears that he does not value you over a substance. Be careful!

I am sorry this is happening to you. I dont think a child will change him. He needs to change for himself..not for you or a child...until he is ready to do this there is nothing you can do. Just continue to write him if you like, but I wouldnt put too much energy into it...again my heart goes out to you. We are here to support you.

Hi...i Am Not Here To Bring U Down...just Give U My Opinion And I Hope U Understand...a Man Only Does What U Allow Him To..u Are Letting Him Control U At A Time Where He Should Only Have The Upmost Respect For Ur Dedication..he Is Basically Saying I Wont Change My Life And Do Whats Right For Us...but Umm...write Me And Visit Etc...do All U Can To Keep This Love Right But I Wont Do Anything..honey A Man Who Loves U, Will Want To Change Or Will In Fac T Change...if He Is Not Willing To Make An Attempt To Change Then I Feel U Should Let Him Go And Do Whats Right For U....good Luck And God Bless!!!!

I'm sorry that you are going thruogh this. BUt he needs to grow up and realize that doing drugs is not a option. And I know from my friends experiences, that having a child will not make anyone stop using. No one else can make anyone quit and that includes a child. a child will only be hurt by a parent who uses drugs.

I'm very sorry you are going through this.Years and years ago my boyfriend (who is now my ex again recently) basically picked drugs over me and it was very hard to take,I feel for you.One thing you have to keep in mind though no matter how much you love him if he made that choice to continue on with that lifestyle in the long run you really are better off even though it hurts like heck.Hang in there honey HUGS

The only words of advice I have for you would be don't compromise your values!! If you give in to something that is against your beliefs then you will only resent him and the relationship. Take Care of yourself and hold your head up high and know that you are doing what's right for you.

Mel

Im so sorry but try an look at it this way atleast he was honest with you about not changing an choosing drugs over you, i mean he couldve lead you to believe he was gonna be everything you wanted him to be, then you wouldve gotten hurt 100x worse in the end cuz you believed something he never had any intention in doing, so try not to feel to bad i know its easy for me to say an to be honest if it were me id feel just as bad as you do but atleast you know where you stand before he gets out.

Ask him why you should accept sperm from a chemically injured donor. Sperm are in fact often damaged by chemical exposure, and your chances of having a child with difficulties of one sort or another are fairly high. Why should you accept that, when there are alternatives. Besides, if he's not clean, then the odds of him staying around to help you with this child are low anyway.

Honey, you will hurt like hell, but what all the other girls have said is true so I won't repeat it. I was there for Jason for 2 years and chose drugs over me and my kids, his daughter and family. It's sad because he is going to die and never know a real life or love.

But, in the long run, knowing you made the RIGHT decision for YOUR well being gives you an amazing power to look ahead and see the possibilities for your life. You will come to realize it was the way to go. Getting through the pain and depression makes the going slow, but just take it one day at a time and keep moving. I wish you well.

Firstly WELCOME TO PTO!!!

I agree with XoMissinHimoX at least he didn't lead you to belive that things would change when he got out. If you are still prepared to stay with him then you know what's in the future for you and he left you with a decision to make, the choice is ultimatly yours to make. I'm sure you'll choose what you feel is right for you.

Honey I'm so sorry that he wants to still use when he gets out. No one can change unless they want to not for anyone or anything.. He says that if you have a baby then he will change. The odds are not good for that to happen.. I know. In my case I have 3 wonderful girls from a man that could not get it togethere no matter what happen. He loves his girls but he does not get how much they need a sober father in their lives.. When I was pregant with my middle daughter there was a chance that there could be something wrong with her. He swore that he would never use drugs again but once the test came back normal than he went right back to using. They can't change for anyone but themselfs. I know the pain you are feeling but in long run it is proably for the best that you move on. "JMO" Cause the pain that you are feeling might not be as hard as if he comes out and starts running the streets and using again. Hang in there we are here for you..

Oh and by the way *WELCOME TO PTO*

I also am sorry to hear that he is chosing to be this way. I feel sorry for the people who can't leave the drugs alone they are searching for something and can't find it JMO. and they are hurting themselves and everyone around them as well. I feel for you too because of what you have to go through to love an addict and one who won't try to stop. It is heartbreaking.
I was dating Mike and I put up with him smoking pot until one day it seemed to be getting out of hand and I told him the choice me or it I can't deal with it I have a kid and you have 3 i am not going to stand around knowing this is illegal and know that the kids will suffer when your butt is in jail for it. So he flushed it and a few months later was on pain pills (his old addiction) then he blamed it on me saying if I would of let him just keep smoking pot that he would of never went back to the pills. WHATEVER! 3 kids didn't stop Mike from doing drugs ever he has been on some drug since age 14 and is now 27. I left him when he went back to drugs the 4th time in 2 years I feel so much better. I love this man he will always be in my heart but I don't speak to him at all, which is working for me but don't work for everyone. Mike always said he chose me over the drugs but he didn't for long. They have to want to first you or a child can't make them stop. So basicly what I am trying to say is only you know what you want and need and will put up with and for how long. as for me I had to look at the long run and it wasn't working for me. we will be here for you no matter what you chose. We are here to support you always. Just keep your head and focused on what you really want. If you want him to change (and please don't think a child will change him either, he may think it will but it may not then you will have a child in the situation as well) and don't think you can put up with him on drugs then don't go back to him is JMO. Step back and look at yourself and keep yourself safe OK
Take care and remember we are here for you!
Hugs
Brandi

I know first hand that addiction is some crazy stuff. His choosing even before he gets released to continue his drug use is a sign he is not ready for anything that will bring you close to a good and nurturing relationship. His saying what he did is in some way doing you a favor as you can now bow out gracefully if you so choose. It is soooo important to listen to what our loved ones say us, it saves alot of pain down the road.

Unless or until he is ready to deal with his addiction he is not ready for the life you want. I certainly wouldn't bring a child into the mix. If I were you I would use this time to decide what I really want from life and where or even if he fits into that picture.

Best of luck to you,
Patty