I'M NOT SURE HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE READ MY PAST THREADS......BUT PREVIOUSLY I WAS PLANNING ON MARRYING MY FIRST LOVE CARLOS. MARRIAGE BY PROXY. I HAVE BEEN HAVING A LOT OF SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT IT, AND I HAVE DECIDED TO JUST BREAK IT OFF WITH HIM. ITS BEEN THREE YRS SINCE WE'VE TALKED, OR SEEN EACHOTHER, AND WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER, I WAS 17, AND HE WAS 20...NOT I WILL BE 21 ON FRIDAY, AND HE'S 24 NOW...AND I HAVE CHANGED A LOT IN THE PAST THREE YEARS!!! I HAVE SLOWLY BECOME A WOMAN WITH A LIFE, GOALS, CAREER, ETC....AND FOR ME TO MARRY A MAN THAT WAS MY FIRST LOVE WHEN I WAS SO YOUNG....MAN, I AM NOT EVEN SURE WHY I WANTED TO MARRY HIM. MAYBE IT WAS B/C I JUST GOT OUT OF A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN I WAS DATING??? WAS IT THAT I WAS LONGING FOR ME AND MY FIRST LOVE (CARLOS) TO BE THE WAY WE WERE 3 YRS AGO?? I REALLY DON'T KNOW...BUT I KNOW THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM, OR MARRY HIM. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A SH%$ HEAD! I HAVE WRITTEN HIM NUMEROUS LETTERS IN THE PAST MONTH SAYING THAT I WANTED TO MARRY HIM, HOW I WAS GOING TO BE FAITHFUL, AND WHAT NOT....AND NOW I CHANGED MY MIND!!! I FEEL LIKE CRAP. I'M NOT EVEN SURE HOW TO TELL HIM. :( I WILL BE FLYING TO TEXAS ON APRIL 19TH, AND WAS SUPPOSED TO GO SEE HIM, BUT I AM EVEN HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ON SEEING HIM NOW!! I WAS THINKING THAT WHEN I'M IN TEXAS, I'LL JUST SPEND TIME WITH MY FRIENDS, AND NOT SEE HIM??? I'M STILL NOT SURE. MAYBE I WILL GO SEE HIM AND TELL HIM THIS TO HIS FACE?? I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE BEST WAY IS....I'M SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. I JUST DON'T WANT TO HURT HIM, WHICH I AM PRETTY SURE HE'LL BE DEVASTATED WHEN I TELL HIM THAT I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.....sh*&....HE HASN'T EVEN WRITTEN ME BACK SINCE I'VE WRITTEN HIM ALL THE LETTERS I DID EXPLAINING THAT I WANTED TO MARRY HIM!!!! SO I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF HE WAS WANTING TO GO THROUGH WITH THE MARRIAGE BY PROXY. OR MAYBE HIS LETTERS GOT LOST IN THE MAIL?? I DON'T KNOW. HOPEFULLY I WILL GET A LETTER IN THE MAIL BEFORE I GO TO TEXAS SO I'LL NOW WHAT HE THOUGHT ABOUT THE MARRIAGE BY PROXY....HOPEFULLY HE'LL SAY THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED BY PROXY, AND WAIT TILL HE GOT OUT TO SEE IF THINGS WORK OUT W/O GETTING MARRIED. I DON'T KNOW.....SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG, BUT I WANTED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST!!! IF ANYONE HAS ANY ADVICE OR SUGGESTIONS ON THIS, PLEASE TELL!! I HOPE THAT I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS CHANGED HER MIND ABOUT MARRYING AN INMATE THAT SHE'S HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH, AND HOPEFULLY YOU HAVE SOME ADVICE!!
~JESSICA

It sounds like a smart idea. Take your time. Take good care of yourself.

thanks....that is what i'm trying to do. i am trying to work out a relationship that i was in with a man i was with off and on for a year.

Sounds like you have done a lot of self evaluation. Good luck with all you do.

(((Hugs)))

DLG

I think it sounds like you are doing the right thing,the hard part will be telling him.My guy and I were first loves too and talked marriage but when he came home things changed and he left me after a few months,I was holding on to something that wasn't there anymore at least for him anyways.Just take your time,be sure what you want to do and that it is right for you,you can't force something that isn't there and I am speaking from the brokenhearted perspective as I do love him and wanted to marry him,leaving him now before he comes home I think is better .I wish mine would of left me before he was home and we spent 3 great months together,it made it all the more crushing to be left after spending that time together again.
Just take your time and be sure what you feel and what you want to do

You have to do what is best for you.....and with no contact at all like that.....man that is tough! You need to make the choise right for you! Good luck...

thanks guys!!! i think its the right choice for me!!

It's never easy to up and walk away, leaving them alone. However, in life sometimes they just aren't part of our future. I'm still going through this and it's been hard. I wrote the letter telling him I needed to move on, then he called and I cried and I agreed to work it out. Since that night I haven't been able to write him though so I've gotten advice from friends, family, co-workers, just about anyone who will listen. But when it comes down to it only you can decide what is best! I, myself, would go visit my friends and not go see him. It will make it that much harder to leave and could give him just that little bit of hope that it could work. You'vre grown, you've changed, if it's time to move on go for it girl!

you said it yourself, you are not the same woman that you were when you were younger. you know more about your self and what you want in life/ and in a relationship. i would say, it might be easier in a letter than in person, but thats just me. i would be too sad to do it in person, but i feel that if you are not ready you need to break it off and not let him go on thinkin' that its gonna happen (getting married). you know what you gotta do girl... we will be here for you no matter what happens :wave: