Hello all. I'm so dumbfounded and dizzy in pain I feel like I can't move - I can't breathe. I'm not alive right now, really. I confronted my man with some truths last night in a phone call. He's had some infidelity in the past with a mutual friend. I have nothing to do with the woman any more. He won't stop talking to her and I have issues. I told him I have to wonder if he would get out and just go be with her. Please understand I'd had a long week, stressful, tiring and depressing. He's been in since November for something he'd been hiding from me - Lying seems to be his favorite pasttime. I'm tired of trying to ignore them and brought it up. No threats. No anger. Just questions about his intentions and how it made me feel.
He called this morning and said "forget you ever knew me". He said he wouldn't let me have another opportunity to "ambush" him and hurt him while he's in there. That that's the kind of thing that got him in jail the first time and now I'm the one that put him in there now!! He's got a revoked probation and had had a warrant on him since 2001. We met as friends in 01 and got together as a couple in 03. He got in jail this time for driving under a revoked drivers license, possession of a firearm. But he's the victim here. I'm out more than $12,000 for his legal bills and let's not talk about the $1,900 phone bill. The thing is the hateful things he said. My heart is shattered in pieces on the floor that I don't know if I want to put back together, nevermind if I could. He's been writing a lot lately about how he thinks I should move on with my life. That his problem is consuming me - the pain and loneliness and fear and anxiety. How I should get a man who can provide for me in every way. I've been asking him why is he pushing me away? I want to work through everything. Not deem things unforgiveable and toss each other out like yesterday's trash. I've never treated him as though anything was unforgiveable, but apparently me expressing what I don't like is enough to throw away our entire relationship and his case. He said he wouldn't talk to the lawyer any more either. He will be SO screwed if he gets rid of the lawyer who is already paid for. I'm talking 20 years!
I sit here absolutely numb. Unable to cry. Unable to be mad. We have always spoken of being connected beyond spirit - beyond space and time. Suddenly I'm the equivalent of toilet paper? It's not making sense. And I'm utterly devastated. Thanks for letting me share.
Quulin - aka Belinda

Belinda,
I am sorry for your pain. He apparently has a history of not being honest with you. You can not have a future with a man who is not honest. You are correct you didnt get him into prison--he did.

Yes it hurts in the beginning but you deserve more. You deserve the best.

I would say dont accept anymore calls---at least writing is cheaper. And go from there.

Good luck
ONE

I am so sorry for what you are going through.I have also went through a recent break up with the love of my life and it is completely shattering.It is really just so confusing and mind numbing.
Hang in there,we are always here if you want to talk HUGS

honey- take a deeeeeeep breath. it will be ok either way. it just sucks right now.

I don't know your situation, but judging from what l read above, you got hurt real bad here and this isn't your typical break up. he is lashing out at your for asserting your belief that he should remain faithful

I confronted my man with some truths last night in a phone call. He's had some infidelity in the past with a mutual friend. I have nothing to do with the woman any more. He won't stop talking to her and I have issues. I told him I have to wonder if he would get out and just go be with her.
you're an intelligent woman. too many women may have turned the other cheek with thier man to take what they could get as 'happiness'. that is a step in a positive direction. growth is almost always painful. there is nothing pointless in making a mistake, no matter big or small- if you learn from it. chalk it up as a painful lesson, and make an effort to keep moving on.

your too valuable of a person to be told "forget you ever knew me". He said he wouldn't let me have another opportunity to "ambush" him and hurt him while he's in there. it just ain't right for someone to say that to you, if they love you.

don't accept anything than what is best for you. I am sorry for your pain. each day will get easier, trust in God. take care sweetie. PM if you need "an ear".

I don't have any advice for you... just wanted to offer you a (((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))) and remind you everything happens for a reason. Keep your chin up.... :grouphug:

I JUST WANTED TO SAY IM SO SORRY THAT THIS IS HAPPENING.EVERYTHING DOES HAPPEN FOR A READSON THAT IS TRUE. AND I KNOW IF I TELL YOU TO MOVE ON AND FIND SOMEONE THAT WOULD APPRECIATE YOU AND LOVE YOU THAT YOU WOULD THINK "EASIER SAID THAN DONE" ..I UNDERSTAND TOTALLY.I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE SO IM SPEAKING TO YOU OUT OF MY HEART.PLEASE DONT LET THIS RUIN YOUR BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT AND DONT LET IT TAKE YOU DOWN. AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR THIS MAN BELIEVE ONE THING "YOU WILL NOT BE LEFT UNREWARDED". GOD LOOKS AFTER US AND HE KNOWS YOUR HEART. MENDING OF THE HEART WILL TAKE PLACE ITS JUST GONNA TAKE TIME AND EVERYDAY WILL GET A LITTLE BETTER.TRUST ME. IF YOU NEED TO TALK MORE FEEL FREE TO PM ME ANYTIME.I'M HERE FOR YOU GIRL.YOU ARE GONNA MAKE IT THRU THIS.:thumbsup:


LOVING GENO FOR LIFE,

I am with you 1dayatatime. Keep your chin up. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

First of I want to say Im sorry that U are going through this :( But as other here have said maybe it is for the best, things do happen for a reason. Im sure that he will call U and say he's so sorry he said that. At least thats what happened in my case. But no matter what he had said to me or sone I ALWAYS forgave him & went back. But I learned finally to just ignore him & let him go...which was the BEST thing I ever did. I just hope that things start to look better for U :grouphug: We are all here 4 U!!

...they hate it when we call them on things that need to be talked about esp. if they are the guilty party to start with...of course he is going to blame you, he's not going to put any blame on himself...sounds like you gave all that you had to him...you are a good person...he will miss you more when his pain lessens and he figures out that "you" are not the person to blame for his pain/prison/decisions/choices...hugs to you!

(((((hugs)))))

DLG

Oh Belinda, I am so sorry. The pain will fade and one day you will realize that you feel good again. If it is meant to be it will but he is going to have to be honest with you and appreciate you. I think they tend to go through a pity me period but what they need to realize is they are not the only one hurting. You can and will make it through this, and maybe for the better. Remember the saying, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

Yo, my peeps. Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I know in my heart what everyone is saying is true. I've been wrangling with doing what I know is right myself for a while. I was just so STUNNED to have that S*** thrown in my face and WOW did it stink. He did try to call once and I was out in a function (got invited to a nature program that involved a great healthfood buffet - I'm a vegetarian) and then I went to a Buddhist retreat meditation center and walked some of the walking paths during sunsent and let go of some stuff - let go of my clinging (I'm sure I have a lot more to let go, but you gotta start somewhere), let go of my insecurities about being alone, let go of my obsessive attempts to "fix" things for him and "prove" my worth so he would continue to love me. All I heard were birds and geese flying above and the light breeze through the spring buds on the trees. There was fresh, crisp spring air with a hint of green in the aroma. New life.

I'm so sorry for the pain that you are feeling right now. I know that if my baby did that to me, my life would be shattered. He is my everything. Just like a death (dad died when I was 18), it will get easier. It will take time, but life will go on. Stay strong and realize that it just wasn't meant to be. I hope time finds you happiness.

Lisa

I can't do anything but offer support, which i do wholeheartedly, sorry that you have to go through so much pain. Be strong and know that there will be alot of people praying for you and hoping for the best for you.

Oh sweetie...if you lived by me I would drive over there right now.:( A thousand ((hugs)) for you. I know you're in that state of shock right now, and nothing I say will make you feel better. But I can tell you that the pain will subside, and this "man" that you speak of, has just turned you into a powerhouse! I think he is undeserving of your love...especially after sleeping with your friend. :blah: You deserve more then what he ever gave you, and it will come. I know it hurts...but this was a blessing. Just give it awhile to rid itself of its disguise. Good luck:)

hello. just keep your head up. me and my boyfriend broke up too. but god has his ways. Right now he is letting me get to know this other guy and beleive me he treats far better that what my ex used to treat me. You will find someone better who will hold nothing back from you. God is watching over you and he wont let you down. ((((hugs)))))

************************{belinda}}}}}}}}}}}}} you go woman!!!!

Aww hun, the pain is there rite now, BUT it does eventually go away, or at least subsides over time. There IS someone else out there for you. That just takes time.
I have been through some very hurtfull breakups myself. And after about 2 or 3 months, I coulsd start to breath again.
****{hugs}}} to you, and good luck !!!! Peace

I got my break up letter yesterday and it hurt pretty bad as well. I got a letter last week that clued me in that he might break up with me. I just kept telling myself that it can't get any worse and that each day will get better. Yes, we will both have bad days but they won't last. You will be able to look back a few years from now and think that was just a bad time in your life. I'm trying hard to keep my chin up amongst the tears and so can you. Hang in there.

I am so sorry about what you are going through, but to me it seems as though you are taking care of the things that you need to. Good for you going on the nature program, just keep on taking care of you and nevermind him. I know, easier said than done.
Welcome!!

I know that agonizing pain. One day I just walked around this house just crying and screaming and keening like a wounded animal and throwing up, and after about 6 hours of it, I went to sleep. The next day was about 2 hours of just crying. Now I just occasionally have tears falling down my face. The agony has lifted but not the depression or the pain. I have just learned to deal. It it hasn't even been two months yet, but with the help of good friends, counceling, my kids and knowing that God has my back and isn't going to let me fall, has kept me going. My counselor gave me a very good suggestion that works for me: when you feel something coming on, just immerse yourself in it and let it flow through you, deal with it, and don't fight it. If you feel like crying, cry until your exhausted and can't cry anymore, put drops in your eyes, take some tylenol and sleep. Sleep heals the body. Crying releases the stress hormones. This is one time your going to have to be the selfish one and take care of yourself. But you are all that matters and you need to get through this right now. One day at a time. Just go with whatever your feeling at the moment. I still have moments where I feel like I can't breathe and it is scary. You will get through this.

PM me any time girl. Lottsa love and hugs and prayers coming your way.

~~~HUGS~~~ I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain. In time the pain will fade away. Remember it is all ways darkest before the dawn.. Hang in there.

Belinda,
I am sorry for your pain. I have been wondering where you were at and what was going on, because I haven't seen a posting from you in awhile. Tomorrow will be a brighter day. Now you have a chance at true happiness and finding a man who treats you like you deserve. I hope you don't regret the last few months and what you have been through, because you are a better, stronger person because of it.
Wishing you peace and comfort,
Jasmine

Drama drama drama.
Hello and many thanks to all of you for your kind words of consolation and comfort. It took a few days but he called back and wrote his apologies - stating he was having a hard time hearing my pain and doubts all the time on the phone and figured he was just making my life worse. So he wanted to force me out as a way of setting me free.
We are still hanging in there right now.
It's a day-to-day process. He's got to trust me more and share more with me, not hide it for some stupid chivalrous reason or out of fear of repercussions. He's slowly revealing that soft underbelly, but cautiously and with wariness.
I'm also a bit gun-shy because I felt so splattered on. He pulled out a verbal arsenal that left many holes that we are trying to patch.
I'm sure I'm displaying a big co-dependent something-or-other, but hey - it's my dice to roll. I know I love him. I know he loves me. Is it enough? Right now? Who knows?
To be continued...