I hadn't spoken to him for a few days and I was doing well... real well. He called me last night. He wanted to come over and see me and to talk. Mind you, as I said in a post in this forum a few days ago.. he lives with someone else now... my neighbor- right across the street-- Anyway, as I sat in my living room writing a letter to a pen pal, the door opened- and it was Dee. We spoke for a while on general things and of course somehow the conversation always goes to "us" - what went wrong, what's right and where do we see us in the future... same as always. It was time for him to go and we said our goodbye with a (meant to be) simple hug that turned into crazy passionate sex!! Why, why, why????? UGHHH! I love him so it's hard to not be 'loving' to him. Does that make sense? As much as it felt wonderful to have him close to me again, I know in my heart that, given time, it will be all the same B.S. all over again. Any words of advise? Some of you have been here, I know, so give me some wisdom. Thanks.

It is really easy to fall back into a relationship when you get out but you said it....it will go back to the way it was before. You just have to try to be strong and not be with him. It is hard...I know, but it is what is best for you. Once you over come this you will feel much better...just try to be strong. good luck.

ahhhh girl I know that could happen to me too trust me.In fact it did happen the first time we split up many,many years ago I just couldn't completely let go but it also ended up hurting me more too.I'm pretty sure if he came around now I'd be weak as well.All I can say is I have been there,done that and afyer we finally stopped seeing each other completely for years and then got back together look at me now,the same BS as you stated happened.I always hear "If you love something let it go and if it comes back to you it will be yours always" that wasn't the case in my case he did come back and left me 21/2 years later.I dont have great words of wisdom right now just hang in there and be careful with your heart no matter what ya do.HUGS

Well, I'm going to go against the grain a little...

I'll say don't beat yourself up about it, we're all human... and I have to say, I did a lot of that with one of my exes. Kept bouncing back and forth over a few years. I don't think it hurt any more or any less that way, in some ways it made it easier to leave him because after a while I just didn't care anymore. Some said I was wasting time I could been spending finding someone better. Maybe it's true, but I have no regrets.

But unless I am the one who doesn't love them anymore, I have never been one to just shut the door on love... I guess just do what feels right, but be careful of your heart. :)

oh ladies!!! i have something to tell you!!! I met this ma yesterday. he's a cutie!! we did a lot of talking and then he also called me. he called me last night and asked if he could take me for some ice cream and to the park.. so i told him where I lived. He came and got me. As i said the other day, Dee is living right across the street from me. He watched "Chris" pick me up. Do you think it was a coincidence that as we were out enjoying ourselves, I got 4 "private" calls to my cell phone. I had a feeling it was Dee so i asked Chris to answer... whoever it was didn't want to talk to him. :) We'll see what tonight brings: I hate a date!!
This man I met is (so far) very sweet and funny and easy going. I was very upfront with him about what I have just been through with Dee. During conversation Chris told me, "I need to tell you something- I just got out of prison in November." I took it in stride, what could be any worse than what i have already been through? Anyway- just a little update for you all. I pray that you enjoy your weekend. It's beautiful here in Indiana.

lol - YOU GO GIRL - A BOOTY CALL AND A DATE ...

ur one up on him

It takes time to adjust to your ex being just that an ex. Just stay strong and let him go so you can be happy. Him seeing you go out will hurt him and he will sweet talk you. Just keep in mind all it is is talk.

Pebbles

Thanks for the encouragement. I love him so, so much so this is hard... but I do realize that I am better off without him and I have made a vow to myself to date and enjoy myself and get to know "me" again.

Sounds like a plan!!!! just beware the green eyed monster...be straight-up and discreet

Freedsoul sounds like a good plan! I know it is hard for you though :( I wish you all the best!

I can relate, my ex was a nightmare but the attraction and physical side of the relationship was good, we broke up in January and in February he sent me roses for Valentines and called wanting to make me a steak dinner. We got back together a couple weeks and it was the same old stuff, broke up in the end of February.
No period March, April, and Boo Boo Baby girl come along in October, now she is five, sleeping in the other room. He has nothing to do with us, but she is my heart, so I wonder if some higher power in the universe didn't have a hand in it. Sometimes things happen for a reason we don't know at the time. Don't beat yourself up over it.

You go girl, take care of YOURSELF.

well, Ladies, I have to keep it real with ya'all. I was just in this forum a few days ago telling you all that I was "stronger, wiser", etc... well in the name of honesty and accountability, I must admit to you all that once again, just yesterday, I fell weak once again. UGH! Boy am I pissed at myself. I guess what it comes down to is that I am simply not over him. However, as soon as it was over, it was over- I made him leave right away. I was feeling "feelings" creeping back and I just couldn't totally "fall prey". Ladies, send me your empowering thoughts to keep me strong and not GIVE IN!! I don't know why I let it happen... I hadn't talked to him for days and then all of a sudden, he appears out of nowhere. Same BS, different day. Bless you all as you travel your journey of walking away and dealing with your individual situation... this really isn't all that easy, is it!!??

Ouch... I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time, but try not to beat yourself up about it, you are only human... and no, it ain't easy!

I will definitely send you my empowering thoughts! Be strong...:)

I agree with Qwerty you are human and it is easy to fall weak unfortunatly when we love someone even if we know it is not good for us.I know I would do the same.
Just hang in there baby and try to be strong and look out for you and your heart!

HUGS

It sounds like he doenst want you, but he doenst want you to want anyone else either. Sounds like he comes around just enough to make it where you cant get over him. Just enough to keep you hooked where he wants you. Maybe he is doing that because he still has feelings, but I would guess its more so he can keep security. Maybe he knows that if he totally gives you up then he is giving up all the security he knows.

When I was 19 I met and fell in love with someone who did exactly the same things to me. I had it BAD for him. I continued to have it for bad for over 10 years. Just when I least expected it he showed up and I was weak.

I remember years ago listening to a few songs that fit what I was going through with him....

Break these Chains by Deborah Allen http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/allen-deborah/break-these-chains-2553.html

Just enough Rope by Rick Trevino http://www.musicoutfitter.com/store/item/074645356020/ricktrevino.html This is only a partial play of this song. I tried to find lyrics and all I could find was tabs. The tabs also have the words, but with other stuff as well

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, MORE THAN LIKELY WILL DO IT AGAIN... HAVE U HEARD THAT COUNTRY SONG, "I MAY HATE MYSELF IN THE MORNING BUT I'M GONNA LOVE YOU IN THE NIGHT"? IT IS SOOOO TRUE!

well... this is just one heck of an out of control spiral. he called me this morning, then came over... once again... of course I fell weak. when it was over I was so upset with myself and all i could do was tear up. i told him i loved him but wondered how can i go on with letting him in and out of my life. i made mention of the fact that i feel like he is just out doing his living and when he decides to settle down, he will be back and he's just wanting me to be patient... that brought dead silence and he starred down at the floor in shame as if to say "you're right". ladies, i just don't know!! I know this man is no good for me, but yet, simply because I love him, i let myself get wrapped up in his web! i am at a loss for words. you know, he is in another relationship, so WHY WHY WHY is he still seeking me out??????

Mixed emotions are normal. However, keep asking yourself "what is best for me" and keep your eye on that! (whatever that is for you). Good luck and stay strong.

Hang in there and be strong. It is so much easier said than done. Having him right across the street is like some karmic cruel joke. I KNOW how weak I am. He lives in my hometown. When I go to visit I won't even go into town for fear of running into him or me going to find him at home. Chemistry is not logical and it is a tough thing to fight. I always fell for the sexy looks and the "I love you's". Pretty soon I started associating those looks and "I love you's" with the pain and emptiness I felt when he left. I was his world when he needed me - I loved him unconditionally for most of his life. I had never rejected him. He would come to me when he was at his low points to get some love, and repair his ego etc. When he was all fixed up and ready to take on the world again - See Ya! He was gone. I am a woman with feelings - not a first aid kit that you can take what you need to make yourself feel better and put me back in the closet when you are done.
I so know where you are, and I wish you strength.

Haven't had to deal with him yet, since he's back in for PVm and I have a restraining order. But BOY, for the sex alone, I'd love to have him here. And for some of the really good behavior - those are the things we love to remember, aren't they? But I understand this, for myself, as an addiction, just like drugs or alcohol ( or cigarettes-my personal choice, which I'm also abstaining from), and that one little slip starts me right back into the pain of the addiction. In your case, think of it as emotional abuse. And you can make your mind up NOT to be abused.

Good luck - sending strength to you.

Thanks for the positive thoughts! Polar, your story sounds SO MUCH like what I am currently experiencing! As nimuay said- it is emotional abuse, pure and simple. I pray that in time he will lose interest in messing with my heart and in time I will just find the strength to move on. Thanks for your thoughts!

My ex-fiance have been dating for 3 years and friday he told me that he wants to be with his ex-gf who he has two kids with and It didn't really bother me at first and then today he called and i just broke down on the phone and i really love him and i really miss him he has been in Nebraksa state pen since Aug 04 and he has until Jan 07 do you think he will change his mind?

Well, all I can say is that you have to be tried of being sick and tried. Believe me you will get there. I do understand that it's hard. You have to do what you feel is right for you right now.

Jada