Hello, everyone! I will start off by telling my story as best as I can. My brother is in Coffield Prison in Tennessee Colony, Texas. I have not seen him since he was put in county jail, July 2003. Although, my 3 year old son...has on several occassions. My brother is one of the most amazing people I know. He can make any one feel special by just walking in the room. Silver tongued as it can get.
He got messed up in drugs at a very young age...which I look back and never even knew. He is only 2 years older than me. He got on probation after stealing to provide for his habit. He had only 18 months left on his probation. But, the drugs got soo bad and took over. His pregnant girlfriend is what slammed shut the prison doors. He was out and doing the drug thing...and had a warrant for an unpaid speeding ticket. She called the cops the moment he walked in the door. And he was arrested and (here is where it gets interesting) she calls his probation officer. Probation officer thus checks for drugs. And that is why he is where he is at. (I tend to blame her not him...even though I know he is to blame.)
He has a son he has never held. One that he has not seen a picture of for over a year now.
My mom has became very very dampened by the situation. Every conversation is this or that about my brother. Telling me that I don't hurt for him the way she does. But, isn't pain and loss...pain and loss? I am constantly asked did I write...and when I do...it seems as if...I haven't wrote long or often enough. I know I get most of the pain of my mom because I live closer than my older brother and younger sister. (there is 4 of us) My brother and sister rarely do anything.
I miss him and pray for him every night. I allow my son to visit when my parents go...so that he knows his uncle. I sit out in the car for over 2 hours after traveling for 3 hours...just so he can see him.
I do what I can. But, I don't do it for my mom...I do it for my brother. But, how do I handle my mom? Or doing what I am doing is that enough? So, many questions and feeling like what I do is never enough.
I want to be the best lil sis I can. Just got lost in the mess of things at least thats how it feels.

Amanda

Welcome to PTO :)

Welcome to PTO.

Welcome to PTO, glad to have you here. Sorry to hear about the situation with your mother, I really don't know what to say. You be true to yourself and do what you feel is right. Take Care, I think your doing a great job in being supportive of your brother.

Mel

hang in there honey...know what YOU do counts and your brother knows it as well as your mom...you are right...pain and loss is pain and loss....you all might want to see if you can establish a relationship with the boys mom, even though you feel the way you do, we also are in that situation, but we bite our tongue and do get get to see my sons daughter, my daughter sees her the most as I am in texas and she is in wisconsin where the baby is and my son is.....that way my daughter gets to take pictures and update her brother, even though he has never held his daughter either...God that would make his day....the lawyer we have for him will be working on visitation with my son as soon as we solve a different crisis...because even though they are in prison, if DNA has proven them to be the father, well then guess what they have rights and visitation is permitted, supervised of course....so try to establish a relationship with the mom so you all can have a piece of your brother to love until your brother is released...welcome to PTO, this is a great place to be for support....

Welcome to the PTO Siblings Forum Amanda! It's great that your son visits your brother and is getting to know his uncle- is there anyway you can visit with him at the same time? It must be so hard for you when you haven't seen him since 2003. I guess each member of a family experiences the pain and loss differently-not more or less than each other -just differently.It must be difficult for you when you have to provide most of the support your mother needs as well- is there anyway you can get your sister and brother more involved?I'm glad that you found us anyway-looking forward to reading more of your posts.

My brother's ex-girlfriend...has kind of vanished from his and our lives. She is seeking child support, although, she has filed paper work that states he is a threat towards her and the child. So, the address is blocked from him and us. Just know what county she lives in. My brother signed an acknowledgement of paternity when he was in County...which she edited to add her last name to the child. (Source for some of my issues with her.) The only contact we have is with her father that we know where he works. We have "only" called twice in the last year...asking to know how the child is doing...what he looks like...is he walking talking...what not....anything...to tell my brother. Her parents do not like my brother and the type to actually try to find a way to send him back when he gets out. He does not want my parents to seek grandparents rights...for he doesnt want it to be hard on him when he gets out. So, he could have the right for the child to visit him while he is incarcerated?
THanks for the support.

Amanda

Lets see...to get my brother and sister involved. They are the type out of sight out of mind. My older brother does go visit. My sister moved last year only 30 minutes away from him...and she never did make it to see him...he then got moved. The write occassionally...i will give them credit for what they have done. But, they seem unattached to the situation for the most part. My mom does the same thing to them...every time they talk...about have you wrote your brother...have you sent money...have you went to see him. But, they handle it differently, than I do. I automatically go to the computer and type out a letter or get the pen out. (Which I should be doing right now.) My mom is taking the situation really hard. She writes him every day. Which is GREAT! I suppose it has captured her whole life...and thats all that seems to keep her going...is to try to help him and get others to help him. I am just worried about her and tend to get frustrated. My family is so tight and when this happened it seemed like we all cracked and fell apart.

Amanda

yes he has rights to see his child no matter where he is...look up fathers rights its an organization in new york...they can probably give you more info on that right now. We were fortunate enough to get a private lawyer that will be working on visitation...as far as I know a social worker would take the child up if the mother refused to or refused the family to take the child. How is it he is a threat to her and the child if she had him thrown in jail as she was pregant and he has never seen his child? bunch of bs if you ask me...my granddaughters mom tried that crap too and it aint working.....we are just lucky we get to see her from time to time.....no matter what these young women are thinking, they will come to realize that they cant stop a man from being their babies daddys and if there is no threat of harm to the child, the child should have a relationship with the dad, my son actually had a DNA, he requested it because she had 3 other guys tested before him because she did not want my son to be the father....:blah: she looks just like my son so everytime this young lady looks at her she sees my son:) ...eventually that child does find out about "daddy" and then Mommy has to explain....good luck

Thanks for the information. I will have to check out the website. If he got to see his son...his world would seem a better place. My mom told me that the last time she saw him...he asked what a 18 mth. old baby looked like. He is missing out on so much...especially knowing what his son looks like. Thanks again.

Amanda

I know what feed fuel also was the fact I have two siblings. Younger than me. 35 and 18 also. They are fighting that disease and have been in and out of court. I cannot drag out 35 yr olds story, to long. 35 yr old sibling is looking at some time on felons again and is not where I am she is in a southern state. That is why I say all for one and one for all. I have loved one, not blood kin, incarcerated also, been there 15 years.
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