I have no problem admitting I don't know what in the heck to do to get myself out of this funk and I need HELP maybe just some suggestions to help get me motivated again,words of encouragement, a kick in the behind,I dont know,something!


It isn't even about my break up anymore I mean it is as he and it are the cause of this all or the catalyst so to speak as I was doing pretty dang well when we were together but now it has just gotten to the point where I am so down,not even specifically about him just down in general that I do not want to do anything at all or talk to anyone even really.I haven't been to work in 2 days I have been in my pj's sleeping or on PTO,thats all I want to do.My anxiety level is very high,been having to take a lot of my anti anxiety meds lately which I normally don't have to take


I'm on meds that seem to help me keep my emotions (as far as crying goes) under control and have helped me loose some weight which is awesome but other then that they don't do much.Been to counseling,have to wait another month for my next appt.,bought self help books,made myself go out with friends this weekend and am going to SF two weekends in a row this month which will be great for me but I need something to help motivate me to face life in general! If I could I'd quit my job and be a hermit but obviously I can't do that or I'd have no home.I will go back to work tomorrow because I have to but now even the thought of work makes me depressed and anxious! I think this is the lowest I have ever been and I've battled depression half of my life.


I researched retreats and in patient care I just feel like I really need something major this time to help pull myself out of this but the retreat that sounded so wonderful was more money then I make in 4 months and the inpatient type programs are all for substance abuse recovery which I don't have a problem with.Looked up greif counseling too but the ones by me are for widows,there are plenty of counselers I could get into see quicker then mine but then money is an issue......


Don't know just wanted to get it off my chest as I pretty much hide it to a degree from most people except my Mom (who is depressed herself and feels like she shouldn't have brought a child into the world knowing the family history of severe clinical depression...yah that doesn't help makes me feel bad my Mom is so upset about this) and a close friend(who just hates M and thinks it's all his fault which it isn't part of it is me) and it feels good to just bare my soul to thousands who don't know me besides pto,won't judge and will be objective ...heck tell me to get my lazy butt in gear if that is what you feel any and all feedback is welcome at this point!

Well getting back to work and into the swing of things always helps me so maybe work is what you need. Pray about it to, the lord will see you through.Good luck, I have been there and it sucks.

Number one if you consume grapefruit STOP, increase the amount of sun light that you are exposed to, cut back on the caffeine, amd make sure you are getting enough sleep.

Cal,

It's always darkest before dawn. There is no comparing grief. I felt horrible for way over a year. It doesn't help you I know, but give the meds some time to kick in. Some take weeks. You are doing everything you can. I wish there was some magic wand I could wave to make you feel better, but on the other side of it, you will have a wonderfully different perspective. I would NEVER have accomplished what I have accomplished and came to terms with, If I was still in the same situation, going down the same path. Noone can do this for you........it's your destiny, this is your HP's plan for your life. It's painful. I suffered in silence, still got up every morning not because I wanted to but because I HAD to, too many depended on me. Day after day I felt like I was reliving the same day over and over in darkness.. I came here it sucked, I went to work it sucked, I came home it sucked, going to the parlk, playing with my kids, everything....then one day it felt like I got out of the fog and woke up to hearing the birds singing, the blue skies, everything clicked into place, I opened a different door and saw different sites...actually I changed nothing, I put one foot in front of the other. It doesn't matter how long it takes, just remember no one can do this for you. No one can tell you how to do it. I think I got sick and tired of feeling like crap...I sat down and started putting everything in 2 piles and I will tell you...most of it went in the dumpster. You can do this. Have faith in yourself!! :)

All you can really do is give yourself some time,and pray.Your heart has been broken,and all you can do now is heal,but it takes awhile to get there.You are strong,you are beautiful,and you will move on from this.:grouphug:

i find that exercising helps. just finding something to focus all my energy on... I get in moods where flat out "dont want to talk about" how i feel or whats going on... if you ever would like to talk, pm me, i am usually on durring and after work.

cali, i am so sorry that you are going thru this. you are a beautiful, caring person who does not deserve to feel like this. now that it's spring, get out...the sunlight can do wonders for your mood. plan fun things to do for you as well as your kids that take you outside. i know, you are nseeing a counselor but have you seen the dr. who is prescribing your meds...they may need to be adjusted or replaced. make an appt. and go see him, too. i hope you will be feeling better soon...rosi

Cali honey, I wish I could help you. I finally made myself move today. The crud was ready to attack, we had no food in the house, etc. I haven't been able to move for days. Maybe we are on the same cycle. It seems we are doing everything the same.

The only thing that has helped me is counceling, meds and time. I have set goals for the future and I am moving toward them, albeit very slowly(the turtle won the race!), and I try to keep them formost in my mind.

My counselor told me when I feel something coming on, just go with it, feel it, and immerse myself into it and let it flow over me, through me and off of me, like rain into a puddle around my feet. So far it has been working. I don't fight it. I just keep repeating the mantra, "And this, too, will pass". I talk to God all day. We carry on converstions all the time. My faith is my saving grace. I believe, trust, have absolute faith, that He has my back and when I can't sense His presence, I think of "Footprints" and know He is carrying me because I can't hold on anymore.

My favorite song of all is "In the Garden". It is an old hymn. I sing it all the time. I use to sing it to my kids as a lullaby.

PM anytime. We can talk all day if you want. A big hug and a whole lotta love coming your way.

Hey... I know what you mean about the breakup being the catalyst for something else... the times in my life i have been severely depressed, one was a friend's suicide the other was a breakup, but looking back I was already slipping down that slope...but the meds definitely help, they don't take the pain away but they do help you keep going and can keep you from sinking deeper. Plus they take a while to build up and have their effect. Some of this is just being patient... is any of it getting better as the days go by? If it does, maybe write it down and track the little improvements.

Exercise for me is the best, also journal writing. Writing letters I'll never send also! Let it all out! For me, going out with people is the last thing I want to do when I'm down, but for others it's a big help.

Another trick my ex-shrink taught me is when the really negative, hopeless thoughts start pouring in, just yell Stop!!! to yourself. You can actually train yourself to STOP those vicious cycle thoughts when it gets too painful.

That retreat idea sounds wonderful... maybe a mini version? Just stay in a nice "spa" hotel for a few days with a girlfriend?

Keep posting here too!!

Big hugs, Q

Cali,
You are doing what you can do--it takes time. I would like to add a few things. Journaling is great, exercisising and getting out of the house. Make yourself a schedule and stick to it. Include everything! Stay busy. Call and see if that counselor has had any cancellations, let them know you need to be seen ASAP.

You know I can give advice but I just returned from vacation (the beach) 2 days early because of anxiety/depression!1

Take care and I am here for you anytime you need to talk.

ONE

And try to pick something or think of something that you really enjoy doing and go ahead and treat yourself. thats got to be something that will make you smile that you can afford-sometimes its the little things. thoughts of feeling better go out to you

Girl, you gotta get out there and meet some people, go out, go to work, get out there! Staying at home in your pj's is o.k once in a while but you just gotta get out of that mood, even if you don't want to, you will feel better! Spring is here, go out and exercise, go for a walk at the park, go to a movie ( a comedy, no sad ones), treat yourself to some new clothes for all the weight you have been losing! Keep your head up girl, you will get through this I promise! Just hang in there!!!

http://www.alighthouse.com/bee.htm Try this . Its a sure fire mood lightener. ENJOY!http://www.alighthouse.com/smile.htm IF the first one didnt do it try this one.

((((Cali)))) I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I don't. I just want you to know that I am praying for you and hope you feel better soon.

the best tip i can give you is to excersice..take a walk outside go to the gym...trust me it really helps your mood and will give you something to do...remember excersice gives you endorphins! :D Plus it makes you feel really good about yourself and you dont wont feel so lazy... :yay:

The only time i was depressed was when my sons father died. All i can do is tell you what worked for me. I started writing a journal daily. I would write my feelings down and let myself cry. Each day it got a little better. It never became ok but i learned to move on. Get out into the sun. I use to go to the park sit under a tree and just write. DOnt stay indoors it makes things worse. Get back to your normal life. Work work work that also helps. Dont let the depression get you down. Accept it and make it better. Only time heals all wounds..

Pebbles

Thanks everyone,went to work today and it was actually an "ok" day,am going to get my butt out of this chair and mow my lawns and weedeat (yah fun yippe not! lol) cause it is a nice day and supposed to start raining again so I have to do it before then.

Sometimes just forcing yourself to get a few things done can brighten the picture considerably. I agree with whoever said, get sunshine, lots of it! Hey, you are approaching this right on and courageous, using it as an opportunity to examine YOURSELF and not just blaming him. That's hard work and it'll be worth it- I think one day you'll come out of the fog and find that you have everything you need to have a happier life than ever before. hugs to you!

I haven't been to work in 2 days I have been in my pj's sleeping or on PTO,thats all I want to do. My anxiety level is very high,been having to take a lot of my anti anxiety meds lately which I normally don't have to take



Ok Cali, it's time to snap out of this. :nono: I've been where you are and it's not a good place to be. It took me 2 years and 2 attempted suicides, not to mention the Doctors I went to. One of the Doctors suggested this book. It really brought me back to reality.

It is called Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.
You will read this over and over. It will become your bible as it did mine.

Please get this and give it a try. If you have it and didn't get much, if anything out of it read it again. If you can't find it, let me know and I will get a copy and send it to you.

I am here for you. PM me if you want to talk.

I care. :grouphug:
Pam

You can get this book on half.com for next to nothing

Wow California I am so sorry I know exactly how you are feeling. All I know its a deep hole that we fight every day to get out of. sometimes it feels the harder we try the deeper we get.
You are in my thoughts and prayers