I MISS MY BIG BROTHER!!!! he was the best guy in the world...but unfortunately he met up with the wrong person/people. and these people some how convinced him to rob someone and 4 months later and 450 dollars later...he goes to court and pleas guilty...which is the right thing to do. but just because he feels better doesn't mean that i do. he is now waiting to be sentenced which will happen in about a month. i just wonder all the time "what if"...i'm wondering what drove him to do that. but hers the funny part...after he got arrested he found out he got a scholarship to a culinary arts school doing what he was so good at...cooking. i have been blaming the guy that got him involved in this whole ordeal...but i realized that i can't blame him forever. so my question is who do i blame next? myself? my parents? who?

Welcome to PTO Siblings Forum- I am glad you found us as you will find lots of support and information here! That's so unfortunate that your brother found out he got a scholarship to a culinary arts school just after getting arrested. I hope his sentencing goes well though and I hope you keep us posted. I know it's a very natural reaction to want to blame someone or something but it really doesn't help how you are feeling right now. Just keep hoping for the best and keep being there for him-hopefully he will be back with you before too long - let us know what happens please!

My big brother is also in the same situation... I miss him more everyday he has been gone since 10/30 set to come home in july..... The only person who can take responsibility for their actions is themselves! Not anything you or I can do or say, just them. No matter how much we love them or what to make things beeter this is their mess... Hope this helps

Well i just found out that they are going to sentence him according to a points system based on his juvenile records. but if his juvenile record is good he's looking at 3 1/2-4 1/2. but if it's not then he's looking at 5-20. i understand what everyone is saying but it doesn't make it better...but i'm getting used to the fact now. i just think its sad because he had so much potential and now he won't even be able to get a decent job. but it's all good because i have faith in him. it helps now that i found that he's comfortable with it and doesn't want the family to stress over him anymore then necessary...so now i'm just gonna follow his lead.
Thanks! for all of your support and i definately will keep you's all posted.
BYE!!!!

I will be keeping my fingers crossed that it's the lower end of the sentencing for your brother. It's good that he has accepted things as it will make life a little easier for you-he is lucky to have you there providing support. Please let us know what happens- and come here and talk -it really helps knowing you aren't alone.

Hi there, I was reading your post and I thought about how I tried to deal with it, from the inside. It's not easy, when you believed things could have gone better. Often times it takes only a single decision to change someone's life for the worse. I knew a lot of guys when I was in prison that if they had another chance, it would have been different. I wondered about that myself as I sat in a jail cell for 17 months, then off to prison for a few years. You try to find someone to blame, from yourself to God Himself. But often when you spend so much time trying to find blame, you miss out on the chance to look for hope. It does exist, but sometimes it can be missed if a person looks too much as why something happened rather than what can be done for the future.

The way you described your brother kinda reminds me of me. I had graduated from college with a B.S. in Radio and Television, worked for at least 2 radio station, was doing some acting, writing, and was starting my own mail order business. I had never, ever been in trouble before with the law...heck,my mom was a deputy. But sometimes things go wrong, some go horribly wrong. I can probably write 1000 pages on my thoughts on this while in jail, but I think most of my posts have touched on that.

But what I wanted to say is that if you are looking to find someone to blame, don't. It will only spiral downward and you will feel more and more frustrated about yourself and your brother...he needs support and encouragement now. Trust me, he is probably doing a lot of soul searching now, and often times that leads to depression...it did with me. Keep him encouraged, let him know that you are there for him, and stay positive. It may not sound like much, but it is. It might be everything to him now.

"...You try to find someone to blame, from yourself to God Himself. But often when you spend so much time trying to find blame, you miss out on the chance to look for hope. It does exist, but sometimes it can be missed if a person looks too much as why something happened rather than what can be done for the future."

Very poignant words. They will be included in a letter to my brother today. ;)