This is really getting to me. I'm becoming depressed and don't want to do anything but sleep...all day. Then, I stay up a few hours and go back to sleep. All I think about is wanting him to call or write. After 5 yrs it hurts very deeply and I don't know what to do with myself. Sleeping is the only time my mind seems to relax and stop thinking about him. I'm already on 3 different anti-depressants and a mood stabilizer.

Rosi I feel ya honey! That is pretty much how I am too. I don't know what to say to make it better.I'm so sorry your going through this I know it sucks! Just hang in there and know we are here for you
HUGS

When I went thru my divorce I found a counselor to talk to twice a week, I was devestated and would wake up crying in the night wondering what I did wrong, why didn't he love me and I put all the blame on myself which was wrong, are you talking to anyone, I was embarrassed to do that at first and felt like I should be ashamed cause I could not cope, but I know now there is nothing wrong with seeing someone professionally to talk things thru. I didn't tell people then cause I felt they would think I was crazy or a loser and I know better now. Take care.

I hope you consider talking to a therapist. I have been in therapy for 4 years because of my ex and she helped me get through this with Jason. Talking is the only thing that works. His mom talked to me for hours on end. I have 2 girlfriends and the guy staying here too.

If you read my other posts, I am going through it now though. I was so depressed yesterday, I literally couldn't get up. I was trying to clean and I would lay down on the couch, or on one of the kids beds, or my bed. I wasn't getting anything done, just moving from room to room to room and laying down. I finally started to cry, and my boys just wrapped their arms around me and hugged me and rocked me.

I am on a nerve medicine, anti-depressant and mood stabalizer. I know I suffer from bi-polar, attachment disorder, PTSD, and severe depression. This was from how my life has gone so far, but Jason was the first man I ever loved and he hurt me so bad I want to throw up when I think about it. He took four years of counceling and just threw it all in my face. But that little bit of counceling and my friends have held me together through all this.

5 years is to long, hon. You need someone to talk to. Please PM me if you want. I will listen.

yeah, i did i've done that many times in my past...when i had private insurance. i'm on medicaid now and medicaid won't pay for anyone but certain psychiatrists (no counsellors) and all they want to do is order meds. i was even hospitalized the end of Jan. 2005 and all those drs. wanted to do was to either order new meds and/or increase the amount of my meds. nobody really talked with me and the group therapy in a state run hospital is a big joke. the psych techs (who had no more than a H.S. diploma) not a social worker (counselor) ran the group therapy...once we watched a movie....another time we were to listen to music and dance (rap music which i am too old for)....sit around and say what our day was like. nothing like the many groups i've been in in the past. at the various clinics you just go in and get meds. it's really sad.

I refuse to do group therapy. I went one time and ended up leaving. I got more depressed listening to the other people.

That's basically the way it goes here too, but we can at least see a counselor. I will only see a woman. I am trying to stay out of the hospital. She has wanted to admit me several times. But I have no one to take care of my kids. I am trying to arrange now for an adolescent counselor for my boy. He will come right to the house. They already see an itineret counselor at the school. Here they have to have a B.S. to even be called a counselor.

I take a bus that comes and picks me up and takes me home. My counceling is an hour from here. Sometimes you can raise hell with Medicaid. If you need something done. I would think that after 5 years they would rather see you working and getting counceling is the first step. Sometimes I think these bureaucrats are braindead. I don't plan on staying here the rest of my life and I am fighting like hell to get out of here or get it under control at least, so I am functional. Have you tried OVR(Occupational and Vocational Rehabilitation)? They will pay for therapy if it means you getting on your feet. They have been paying for my surgerys and I have a doctor who is willling to wade through the paperwork morass to help me get on my feet.

Don't give up. I have been and am in your situation and I won't take no for an answer.

I"m so sorry that you are so depressed. Don't give up keep trying to find someone that can help you out.

i'm sorry if i misled anyone, i didn't mean it has been five yrs since we split up but that we were together for five yrs. we've only been split up for about 5 wks...rosi