lunachild
04-02-2005, 08:21 AM
I don't know how to title this or where to start. I didn't have a phone for a week because of snow, so I haven't been able to get online. I have been going stir crazy. I went to my brother's to get my voice mail and I had one of his 4-wheel drives, so I could get out of here. I was the only one in town with electric. My brother came here to take showers and do laundry.
I am writing to the guy Jason befriended in prison. He is just a kid. I talked to his mother one time and she is a very nice woman. He was suppose to come here to visit when he got out. He says he still wants to meet me and thank me for what I did to help him out and he wants to take me out to dinner.
A friend in the city saw Jason. She said that he looks like death. He is into the heroin bad. She tried to get the plate number but he saw her and took off.
She saw another "mutual aquaintance"(Jason's best friend) and she told my friend quote: "He hates her" "He can't stand her" "She threw all his letters away" "She gave his clothes to the Rescue Workers"..........Well, this just tells me that I hurt him bad. And, God forgive me, I'm glad. But I do feel guilty about that small bit of satisfaction I feel. I'm not usually a vindictive person, but sometimes?, and he destroyed me. He is scamming two women. This woman never wanted me with Jason in the first place and I know she was just telling my friend this because she knew it would get back to me. Well, it didn't even bother me. THAT made me feel great.
But this mean little person sitting on my shoulder just wants to stick it to them and I have information that I can, but I am trying to raise myself above this pettyness and I know that responding puts me down there with them and I am not going to do it. If Jason finds out he might kill himself. He is doing it slowly now, but this will destroy him. I guess I am still dealing with the anger issue.
I went and saw his mom yesterday and took her her birthday present. She cried when she opened it and hugged me and kissed me and said, "Jason is an a**hole!" It was one of these angels from a Hallmark store, it has a plain face and they have copper wire wings and they are holding something or holding themselves in some way that indicates what they stand for. I got her the one holding a heart and the card says, "For one who loves and is loved". She said a little Italian lady told her your not suppose to buy an angel for yourself, someone has to give you one. I already knew that. I told her, "You have been my guardian angel and even though you didn't even know me and your heart was breaking too, you were gracious enough to talk with me for hours and without you, I would have never gotten through this as well as I did". She said she feels that now, her house is blessed.
And, the other day I went to counceling and I ride this transportation for people on disability and stuff like that, and when I got on the bus to come home, I was talking to the driver(it is an hour from my place to counceling) and we started talking about this surgery I am going to have, bariatric surgery, and he goes, "You don't look like you need that" and I said, "Well thank you very much. You are the first man to say that to me in 20 years!" I felt like I was on cloud nine. I felt beautiful for the first time in ages.
My doctor told me to wait for this surgery(6 to 8 months), take my meds, stay in counceling, take care of my health problems and I am taking care of issues with my kids, and eventually I am going to go back to college and get my degree. I am excited about the future and actually happier than I have been in a long time.
It really does get better!
I am writing to the guy Jason befriended in prison. He is just a kid. I talked to his mother one time and she is a very nice woman. He was suppose to come here to visit when he got out. He says he still wants to meet me and thank me for what I did to help him out and he wants to take me out to dinner.
A friend in the city saw Jason. She said that he looks like death. He is into the heroin bad. She tried to get the plate number but he saw her and took off.
She saw another "mutual aquaintance"(Jason's best friend) and she told my friend quote: "He hates her" "He can't stand her" "She threw all his letters away" "She gave his clothes to the Rescue Workers"..........Well, this just tells me that I hurt him bad. And, God forgive me, I'm glad. But I do feel guilty about that small bit of satisfaction I feel. I'm not usually a vindictive person, but sometimes?, and he destroyed me. He is scamming two women. This woman never wanted me with Jason in the first place and I know she was just telling my friend this because she knew it would get back to me. Well, it didn't even bother me. THAT made me feel great.
But this mean little person sitting on my shoulder just wants to stick it to them and I have information that I can, but I am trying to raise myself above this pettyness and I know that responding puts me down there with them and I am not going to do it. If Jason finds out he might kill himself. He is doing it slowly now, but this will destroy him. I guess I am still dealing with the anger issue.
I went and saw his mom yesterday and took her her birthday present. She cried when she opened it and hugged me and kissed me and said, "Jason is an a**hole!" It was one of these angels from a Hallmark store, it has a plain face and they have copper wire wings and they are holding something or holding themselves in some way that indicates what they stand for. I got her the one holding a heart and the card says, "For one who loves and is loved". She said a little Italian lady told her your not suppose to buy an angel for yourself, someone has to give you one. I already knew that. I told her, "You have been my guardian angel and even though you didn't even know me and your heart was breaking too, you were gracious enough to talk with me for hours and without you, I would have never gotten through this as well as I did". She said she feels that now, her house is blessed.
And, the other day I went to counceling and I ride this transportation for people on disability and stuff like that, and when I got on the bus to come home, I was talking to the driver(it is an hour from my place to counceling) and we started talking about this surgery I am going to have, bariatric surgery, and he goes, "You don't look like you need that" and I said, "Well thank you very much. You are the first man to say that to me in 20 years!" I felt like I was on cloud nine. I felt beautiful for the first time in ages.
My doctor told me to wait for this surgery(6 to 8 months), take my meds, stay in counceling, take care of my health problems and I am taking care of issues with my kids, and eventually I am going to go back to college and get my degree. I am excited about the future and actually happier than I have been in a long time.
It really does get better!