I posted not even a half hour ago saying I haven't heard from him in 4 weeks and he calls! He called to let me know that he will have the money he owes me on Thursday and that he is sorry he should of called sooner but he went through a rough patch with his car needing work,having trouble getting insurance etc. I just said "ok" to everything,thats all I said "ok". I wanted to ask him how he was,how the kids are etc and wanted to say so many things about what I'm going through,what he has put me through but I didn't I just couldn't as I was starting to cry so I just said "ok bye"


%#@$ hearing his voice has me sobbing all over again I miss him so much

(((Hugs))) Cali- my heart is breaking for you girl. Atleast he is going to have the money for you. You will get through this. One day at a time girl........

Oh Cali,
I know hearing there voice, seeing their car, all those memories bring back tons of emotions. This is part of the process and you are gonna come out of this! Remember God has a plan for you!! I know he does.

Take care, keep the appointment and keep taking the meds---its gonna be ok.

ONE

OH sweety I'm so sorry. When I read the title I thought that I had remembered you saying he hasn't tried to call and there were still things you had to deal with. I can feel you pain and I'm sorry I don't have the right words to comfort you or take your tears away. It's better when you don't hear their voice when you do it brings all the feelings back. Hang in there....and no matter if you are crying or not you can ask how him and the kids are and tell him how you are feeling. I would have done the same thing as you so he wouldn't hear me cry but it makes me angry that we do that...they should listen to us whether we are crying or not...Gosh I just don't know what to say Cali, just know that I'm feeling for you for reals and I'm sending you hugs and lots and lots of warm fuzzies!!!

((((hugs)))) to you Cali. :grouphug: Keep your head up. This to shall pass !!!!

Dang it I feel like I just took a huge step back.I mean I wanted him to call,wanted him to do the right thing by me in regards to the $.I guess I thought I could handle it but I can't.Hearing him just tore my heart out all over again.You dont know how bad I want to call him back and just talk but I won't,I can't.

Cali, sweetheart my heart breaks for you. I am so so sorry that you went through this. As much as you waited for him, I just hate it. Love Jeanne

Man, this ripes out my heart to hear stuff like this..cause I remember going though this with my first love! <<<<<<<<<cali>>>>>>>>>>

Cali ((((hugs)))) In time those feelings shall pass!!

((Hugs)) Cali. I understand that hearing his voice would have been so difficult for you. I am glad that he has decided to do the right thing regarding the money he owes you. You are such a strong woman and you will continue to get through this. Just remember that we are all with you every step of the way. When you want to cry- let it out. Each time you cry, you are releasing him a little more.

Hang in there, I know it will get better, I pray it is soon for you.Keep your chin up!

Aww Cali :grouphug: Keep your head up girl...I KNOW it's hard! But you will get threw this! We are here for you...you will be ok. I feel so horribly bad for you...b/c I know the feeling...but you will make it. Hugs:p
-Jackie

poor thing. that sucks. I remember the most difficult break up I had been thru and it is a nasty dirty feeling to hang up that phone, and not call back.... just remember that you deserve better. but (and I shouldn't say this) it does show he is thinking about you....

God knows what's up. have faith. hang in there and take care sweetie!

You did make HUGE steps forward by just saying ok and hanging up and not calling back! You should be really proud of your self! Plus you kept your diginity!

I'm so sorry it hurts so much but you should be really proud of your self and remeber to keep your head up!

Hang in there!

Bec

I hate that you have to go thru the same feelings again. It is so hard to do, but you are strong and followed thru with not talking to him.I'm glad he IS doing the decent thing in repaying you, but I know that is not making you feel better. Hang in there sweetie. Take care of YOURSELF>

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

My heart just aches for you. Yes it feels like a step back, but its not. sometimes its a few steps back one small step foward, many back until you get the momentum going of moving foward. In the beginning just getting through the hour can be such a chore, but in time, this will pass. It may not seem like it now, but you are moving foward.

((((((((hugs)))))))) i'm sorry that this has made u take a step back. keep ur chin up and pray. I don't know anything else to do but pray for u myself. we're going through this together, girl. if u ever need to talk just pm me...rosi

You kept your dignity,so thats a good thing.Just remember you will find the man who not only loves you,but also respects you,and is man enough to give himself only to you.Prayers are with you,hon.

I have really felt for you during this time. :heart:

Even if you do not hear the things you want to hear, you have the satisfaction of knowing he must be thinking about you to even make the call.

So, it's a bittersweet situation. I think you are moving forward and in NO WAY do I see it as a step backwards! :D

I wrote him a letter telling him (again) that it would probably be best for ME if he were to just send me a money order or put the money under my door mat when I'm at work and just leave a message when I am at work letting me know what he is going to do vs' calling me as it still to hard on me to hear his voice/see him since the break up.

Should I send it or just let whatever happens happen next week in regards to him bringing me my $?

Awww, girl that sucks!!! I'm so sorry for your pain. Wish I had some advice...but I don't. Hang in there...Love, Diane

I don't know how to answer this question. Do what YOU feel is right and what is in your best interest.
I wish I had some advice to offer :(
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Awww Cali. You did the right thing by not asking him how he is doing or anything like that. I know it is hard right now, but you will get over him one day. Hugs........

I told u he would call, just give him a little more time. And he did! I'm so happy for you. You're doing great. That is wonderful news Cali. :thumbsup: :D ;)

Oh Cali, Girl.. I'm sorry. I have no advice for you, cept for follow your heart, and your intuition.

Hugs to you,
Heather

Cali hang in there Girl Keep your head up

**{Hugs}}

Cali~Your feelings are sooo normal, honestly I'd be more concerned if you didn't feel as you do all things considered. I know you are going through a rough time but I'll also know you'll come through this.

As for the letter well I have mixed feelings, part of me thinks leave well enough alone as all things happen for a reason and yet if it is what you really truly want then of course you should send it. I guess I'm not much of a help on this one because I know if it were me I'd still have a part of me that wanted to see him, sorry just keepin' it real.

Meanwhile if you need me you know how to find me, girlfriend.

Much Love and Big Hugggz,
Patty

Cali hang in there sweetie. you will make it though this.. at least he is giving you your money :grouphug:

((((HUGS)))) Cali, I know right now it seems this pain will never go away. But it WILL. It will subside. Please know someone is out there waiting for you. Someone who TRULY loves you and deserves you! SOmeon you'll love MORE then him.

As for the letter, I say, if it's too hard on you to see him, then by ALL means tell him to just send it in the mail. But I know in our hearts we want to make any excuse to see them, yet our minds tell us it's not a good idea. You do what you NEED to do. Either way, we're here for whne that pain overflows.

((((HUGS))))

Stacy

((((((((((hugs and love and a lot of prayers for you)))))))))

I agree with StacysWar030. It may be awful and I know you are dying inside, but you have to do what you feel is best for you.

PM me anytime hon.

(((CALI))) I am so sorry for you. You know my thoughts are with you.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Hang in there!!

There is a plan for you, honey! I know it! PM me if you want, I am always here for you!

Theresa

cali my heart goes out to you....i have no advice to give you lady but just wanted you to know we are here for u anytime u need to cry and vent...ill keep u in my thoughts and prayers that u find the strength to get thru this hard and trying time. Try and stay strong.

robin

Cali, I feel for you and know exactly what you are going through. I changed my home number once it was over because I knew I couldn't deal with hearing his voice.........no matter how bad I wanted to. It wasn't easy but I had to do it.

As for the letter...... send it if it is truly what you mean, if not I'd say sit back and wait...... he might come around and realized what a stupid a$$ he has been.

Keep your chin up...... it will all work out for the best

Thanks everyone,I appreciate you all so,so much

I did send the letter this morning.I just told him these 1 minute phone calls were to hard on me and that basically he didn't give me the time I needed to talk it all out the last time he was over and he didn't have any answers for me so unless that had changed and he wanted to talk to me about things there really wasn't anything to discuss and that it would be better for me if he just sent the money as the little "how are you,I'll have your money next week" phone calls are much to hard on me still.

I am glad in a way that he did call and is doing the right thing money wise as now I don't feel like I was just used and left,he does care at least a little and I of course hope he does want to talk and answer my questions but I don't think he really does so therefore it is in my best interest not to be in contact with him now as last night after 4 weeks of not talking to him just hearing his voice really made me break down and relive it all again,like I was going through it the first time and I can't keep doing that.If I do I'll never ever heal. Man I just feel like all week now I'll be stressed waiting to see what he does,if he just sends the $ or calls or comes by or what.Bear with me it's gonna be a heck of a week I think!

Oh Cali....don't you just hate that. I know it's hard girl, but keep strong. :o

Ay Cali... I think your letter was very good. I admire you for being so strong even if you don't feel like you are. I know you still wish you had talked more and you wish you had that long conversation for closure, so that's why I say you are strong for making it thru those 4 weeks without it.... me, I would have acted like a real idiot.

You've got dignity and class, girl. I think you spelled out what you want in your letter and that is good... we'll be here for the rocky week ahead, don't worry!

Keep holding your head up... hugs, Q

awww girlie I am sorry you are upset stay strong girlie and keep that head up

Cali--I am so glad that he is doing the right thing in regards to sending you your money :) I know it is difficult hearing his voice, and I think that you did the right thing by saying to just send you a money order or place the money under your mat. Keep staying strong and hand in there :)

HUGS

Mel

Cali I am glad you sent the letter. At least he had the respect to send you the money he owes you. I think by sending the letter you took your personal power back. You are now in control of the situation, not him. We are all here for you.

i am glad you sent the letter. It is very good that he is taking care of his debts with you. I know you feel like you have suffered a setback but thing sound like they are looking up for you

Tomorrow is the day he is supposed to pay me so you KNOW I'm stressing out wondering and worrying if he is going to call,show up or abide by my wishes that I expressed and just mail me a check. It's gonna be rough either way as I do want to see him but know it will hurt more like the phone call did.I'm going to be a basket case waiting to see what he does

Cali- hey girlie keep that head up and stay strong from all your posts I can tell you are a very strong person. PM me if ya need anything girlie I hope you are doing ok

AWWWWW CALI. GIRL!
sorry you areso upset.
Sorry I haven't been around for everyone either...MAJOR stress going on here at home. Husband has to have MAJOR surgery (orthopedic surgery), I am in grad school at nights and working fulltime....and OY! I don't have much time to be online anymore. I will check in when I can and ********{hugs}}}}} to all!
Raina

Thanks johnsbabygirl and Raina these next couple of days are going to be rough wondering if I'll hear from him and how

Raina,Hang in there,check in when ya can,Miss ya!

Well he did pay me but didn't listen about not calling me,he called me at work to let me know he was at my house and where he put the $.Made me cry the whole rest of the day at work just hearing his voice :( This sucks so bad.I miss him so much and can't even stand to hear him it hurts so much!

Oh my gosh Cali, I'm so sorry. This whole things just sucks. I know I can't really say anything to make it better but just know you are not alone and we are all here whenever you need to vent or talk or even cry.:grouphug:

Ohhhhh Cali, I'm sorry I missed this post and am so late offering you my well wishes ... I see you made it through to today with only the strength you so famously have. I'm sad to hear he obviously got your letter but did not respect your wishes ... I can sense your pain and I'm wishing you all the peace you can muster (hugs) ... take it easy hun, it's gotta be the hardest and worst feeling and I wish I had the magic words to soothe your wounded heart ... on the bright side, that spirit of yours is still SO strong and bright ... god love ya sweetie!

oh hunny I'm so sorry. I'll tell you one thing though, you are soooo strong for doing this. I know I wouldn't have been able to say a thing, and I would've broke down before two words came out. Good for you for getting through the call. I'm glad he has the money for you. ((HUGS)):o

Matt must have selective hearing, but at least he paid you back. It must have been so hard to get through that call. I bet it took all the strength you had not to break down. Gosh Cali ....... I am thinking of you and take care of yourself as best as you can. You will get through this.

Thanks guys It is very very hard.I't is crazy how one 30 second phone call can just devestate me all over again.

Unfortunatly he will be around for awhile as he has some unfinished money business with my Mother but I am going to send yet another letter telling him please do not call me.leave a message if you must but don't call me esp at work! I can't handle it

My Mom thinks he is trying to hurt me for some reason maybe some of the not so nice things I said in a past letter right after our break up but I don't think so.
My coworkers think he just can't completely let go even though he is the one who left and maybe needs to hear my voice and get comfort from it but I don't really think it is that either.I think its just him being him,thinking of himself only.

I am not going to lie I love him,miss him like crazy and wish he would come back to me BUT since he doesn't feel the same these phone calls are just to much to take.

I'm sorry your feeling down....Hang in there....only good can come now

Hang in there Cali girl!!..... and let us support you the way i've seen you support so many others.... I have only been here a couple of days..... and I continually see you there to offer support and love to all us.... now it's our turn....we'll be strong for you.... and help you be strong for yourself.... you are an awesome woman.... and good things will come to you...


Bella

yes i too haven't been here as long as some of the other girls, and i don't know your whole story, but i'm totally here for you too, i've been following all your posts throughout this thread and like i said, i just know he owes you money and i don't know why, but i get the feeling that maybe he doesn't wanna completely let go just yet, if he was a complete jerk, he probably wouldn't even pay you back right? i don't know, if i knew more, i guess i can give a better opinion, but i just want you to know i hope this all works its way out for you!

Thanks Sydlan and Bella!

Sydlan, Long story short we are first loves,dated for many years a long time ago,split up for many years,got back together, I stood by him for his 2 year prison term,things were great for 3 months after he came home and them he left me,he wants freedom and to see other people (which he is already doing). He owed me $ for things that happened while he was home,owes my family as well as they helped him out a great deal.He is still paying me and them but thats the only good thing I can say right now about this :(

Cali girl, Great big ((((((Hugs))))) from a princess who is thinking about you!!! Hang in there!!

Cali, I have to say I agree with your co workers. I know first love can be intense, and I suspect that he has SOME decency in him, or he wouldnt even be trying to pay you back.

I think that in his own way he is trying to keep some control. Make sure you arent over him? Maybe even he is a little scared being out in the dating world and wants to keep some kind of hold over you incase it dont work out? I have no real idea, as I dont know either of you, but it wouldnt make sense for him to be decent enough to be paying you back, but mean spirited in ignoring your requests for space from him. It makes more sense that there is some need he has in keeping you hanging on. I say, dont send him another letter. Dont respond to him in any way other than how you have with your simple OK to his contacting you. When he calls to tell you he is dropping of money, say great thanks, bye.
If he is going to call you, then he can damn well do it on YOUR terms.
I think that you have already made the request, he showed he wasnt going to honor it for whatever reason, so do things a different way, but do them YOUR way. Easy for me to say, I am not the one feeling the pain, but take control back. I wouldnt be surprised if it prompted some kind of action on his part to sit down and talk with you and give you those answers you are looking for...

I hope I explained myself right.. :(

You were right to not call back even though I totally know how much you must have wanted to! I have been there before....I'm sure we all have....But I am just so sorry that your going through it right now cause it just sucks!!! Stay strong girl.

Do you have any other pen pal friends now? Just wondering if it would help to be surrounded in friends who would be ready to listen.....nto that we are not always here for you Cali! :)

Hey Cali,
I hope you are feeling better tonight. I agree with your coworkers. I think he doesnt want to completely let go. It hurts---God how I know. But you are progressing. If he calls your house dont answer. If he calls your work, unless you have a direct ext. dont talk to him tell your coworkers to say you arent there.

I hope he continues to pay everyone back

Take care
ONE

Thanks ladies

LadyA,You explained yourself fine,I understood what you were saying and you may be right.I did not send him another letter btw.I will just continue my "ok's" when he calls regarding this.

Jayandme, I do still write back and forth with his friends who are still inside that I came to know through him,they are all blown away that he did this as they all say he talked about me all the time and loved me very much which makes me just even more confused that he did do it ya know? Plus I do have my PTO pals

One,I have a direct line but have been letting my voice mail get it lately just incase.The little progress I seem to have made vanished after hearing his voice,I have been so down and missing him :(

Cali,
Please stay strong and do not call him back, I know it is easier said than done, but think of all that you have accomplished. Just think, he is probably freaking out right now cause you sounded so non-chalant about the whole thing, when he expects you to break. Do not give him the satisfaction. <<<HUGS>>> stay strong, mama.. you can do it!

cali, i hope you are feeling a little better! i think you responded the right way by responding "ok" to him. i think he should just stop calling all together, cause he's making you even more sad. maybe he should just mail the money to you. as long as he keeps calling you, your never going to get over this. i also dont think he's just calling about this money, maybe he does want to hear your voice and dosent want to let go. he probably know's he was wrong for the way he did you, and calls with this money thing as a reason to talk to you. you have been a wonderful girlfriend, and any man would be glad to have you! stay strong, hope your doing alright. :grouphug:

Give me strength

I am expecting him to call/come by tomorrow as its pay day and he owes more $. I can't talk to him again it messed me up to bad last time so I am letting my voice mail pick up all day at work and home!

sweet Cali! BIG HUGS HONEY!!! :grouphug: You gon get thru this!! :)

Hey Cali, hope you feel strong... little by little...
Know we're thinking of you!

Cali, I am so sorry you are going through this, my heart really goes out to you.

I checked my messages from SF and he had called to ask how I am and say he will have some $ for my Mom next week and will call or drop it off.

I didn't cry!!! Thats a great first step! Of course it helps I was in SF with Irish and Sunnie sitting next to me at the time.I'm sure if I were home and answered the call I would of bawled but I wasn't and I didn't!!!

Good girl!

Well he called a few times on Tuesday to say the same thing he had my Moms $ this week.Someone knocked on my door late Thursday night but I didn't answer it because I was sleeping and assumed it was him and he would leave the $ but when I woke up Friday morning there was no $ so I don't know if it was him or not but it is now Sat. and no call ,no money.It irks me because I don't want my Mom screwd over but at this point I don't really thhink it would be good for ME to call him and confront him about it so I will just wait and see if he continues to do the right thing money wise or if he has completly just turned his back on me and my family and his obligations and is back to being a complete unfeeling butthead

Girl you are so strong. You are doing the right thing--but I know me and I would call him. I hope he does the right thing.

Take care!!!

ONE