Darn it came. I have been dredging that letter. I thought is was done and over with. Has been for awhile, but in the letter he had to say “well it’s Sunday night and I am still alone…..” Why did he have to go there? I feel really bad especially when he said he never thought I would break his heart and that for him I will always be the love of his life. I have known him for 16 years but just got involved with him the last year and I have always loved him but things were complicated (he was always in trouble, we were both married) that we couldn’t get together. I threw caution to the wind and got involved. I thought I was strong enough to got through having a relationship with a man in prison—but I soon found out I couldn’t. I didn’t mean to hurt him—never and it hurts to hear him imply that I did this out of spite. Does he not understand that it hurt me to --- to have to end it—to admit that I was to weak to deal with it? Why does it have to be me as the bad person? I do feel real guilty now—more than I ever have. I keep reminding myself how happy I have been since we split—and I have—I have been enjoying life again—I enjoy my free time. But at times it doesn’t help. I use to love music but I hate it now. I hate hearing those songs that we had together. I still here and contemplate about writing him back--- should I , or just leave it alone? Sorry this is long but just feeling kind of blue right now—thanks for allowing me to ramble on.

I don't see why you shouldn't write him back. Am I understanding that you ended it not because you don't love him but because you just can't handle a prison relationship? I understand how you feel. I have remained friends with my ex, he was never in jail/prison. Well we stayed friends because I have a bond with his son. And sometimes when we are talking he will hint that it was me that ended it and he's the wounded puppy. It was hard at first especially when I broke up with him but we still lived together for 5 months. I had never been the one to break someones heart before and it hurts still to know that I did. BUT I had to do it. I needed to do it because I was losing myself. But just because we broke up doesn't mean we can't be friends and be in each others lives because we were friends. My man knows and he supports it and I'm trying to be the same towards his ex (that's a hard one). What I'm trying to say is that just because the "relationship" is over doesn't mean you can't have a friendship. Knowing that you still care as his friend will help him get over his hurt. I wish you the best!

No, I do love him, always have and always will. I got tired of all of the demands. He got mad if I didn’t get this ordered for him, miss a weekly visit, didn’t write....... It got to where I was always doing this or that for him, always sending money in. I think what upset me the most was that he wanted me to work on his first case (sex assault), stated he was innocent—had me to look through papers—OMG—everything he said was a lie. He was caught there by the K9 dog (bitten twice) but tries to tell me that if wasn’t him (because one of the officers (out of 6) put someone else’s last name on the sheet. He got 107 years at first then it got lowered to 87. To me he hasn’t taken responsibility for his crime (he pled guilty). I am sorry if I offend anyone and I am not meaning to start a debate but come on--- would a person not take some responsibility after 9 years? I didn’t meant to sound heartless earlier—I do have feelings for him. But if he lies to me about why he is there, but then gives me papers to find him away out of prison, what makes me think he will change once he gets out? How do I know he really loved me for me and not what I can give him or do for him? After we got together his family left it up to me to take care of him. and I tried to do the best I could ( I have two children and lost my job). I treid to do the best I could, but it was never good enough. Heck in this letter I just got, he was mad becasue I didnt send in his 125.00 art supply order.

I'm sorry I didn't mean sound like you were heartless, that's not what I felt you were coming from you. I felt like you were in pain because he was and I felt that writing and being his friend would help both of you. It's different when the story comes out. You did what was best for you. You are happier now and you should be, just like with my ex, I did it, it was hard but I'm better off because of it. Now that I see what the situation is I would just ignore him. It's sad but he'll have to get over it. You have to look out for you not him. I'm shocked that he is still getting upset at you for not sending money, that's not your job. You didn't offend me and you are not heartless. 9 years isn't long with an 87 year sentence, maybe over time he will learn to take responsibilty....Good Luck to you in moving on.

Hang in there
HUGS

I am sorry you are struggling through this. Break-ups are never heard whether they are locked up or out. Your question of 9 years is long enough to take responsibility. I think that when you look ahead 87 years of imprisonment are in front of you I can understand how all thoughts go to getting out to be with those you love and he's maybe not so focused on the crime even though they say this is a time to reflect. Maybe his time of reflection will come in year 12, 15, 20 who knows.

You are not wrong to not be able to handle a prison relationship. Hopefully you two can move forward as friends but I would respond to his letter. He has enough rejection without wondering if you even got the letter. JMO

whether to write or not is completely up to u. there r good reasons to write and good reasons not to write...like it seems he is still holding on to this relationship (getting mad cuz u didn't order his art supplies). i understand very well that u couldn't handle a prison relationship. i felt like that off and on throughout our relationship. he probably won't be out in his lifetime. go on with ur life and be happy...rosi

Do not feel guilty!! You are doing what is best for you and that is all that matters.. I would not write back if you don't want contact with him.. It might send him all the wrong vibes that there is a chance that you will come back to him.. as you said yourself remember how much fun your life is now!!! It is all about you not him!!!

Never feel guilty for taking care of yourself. EVER!!!!!!!! If your feeling better now your mind and heart and soul are telling you something was wrong in the first place. Don't let that feeling go.

I am in much the same place as you only he is still on the loose. He has never taken any responsibility for anything. Severe case of immaturity. He was here 2 and 1/2 months, I was so in love with him, I was blindsided and my brain was screaming, "YOU HAVE TO GET HIM THE HELL OUT OF HERE, NOW!" So I called his PO and he ran off. After an initial period of mourning: crying, screaming inside, agonizing pain that literally doubled me over, huge bout of depression, I am coming round. This whole week has been good. All my friends say I look good. They can tell that I have come out the other side.

Of course you have to decide what is right for you. But don't let him make you feel guilty, ever. Write, be a friend, but that is as far as you go. If he accepts that and that is all he asks for, then maybe?

Best wishes and good luck with whatever you decide. Stay true to yourself. If you start to feel anxious and unhappy, guilty, than reevaluate what your doing and what you want and need for yourself.

You certainly have to look out for yourself and kids first. If that means ending the relationship, that is what you have to do. You said you tried to do the best you could but he thought it was never good enough. That sounds like he is using you. He doesn't respect your needs. You also said he is a habitual liar and takes no responsiblity for his actions. That is what makes it so easy for him to use people.
He can tell his family that it is back on their shoulders to support him. If you write him back, make it very short and simple; something like "I have moved on without you; quit writing; this is the last letter you will receive." A long letter from you will just make him think that you are still thinking about him. :twocents:

You have to take care of yourself for your kids. If you are not happy they will not be either. You said your happy, YOU. are the person to think about. I'm sorry if this soundsunfeeling, but you and your kids are what is important in this situation. good luck to you and your kids.

The dreaded letter! I sure know how that one feels :( You remember you have to do what is best for the kiddies and yourself over anyone else. Stay strong and hang in there.

HUGS

Mel

What I had to do with Mike was, I didn't write but he kept writing and I hated it I read them just to make sure things were ok with him, I still care about him as a person, but like you I can't deal with the lies. So finally I had to write him and I wrote a few lines not even 5 probaly and told him "You said if I didn't want you anymore you'd leave me alone and your not, If cared for at all you'd respect my wishes and not have contact with me at all. I don't think I can write you even as a friend because you'll get the idea that we have a chance and we don't. So please honor my request and don't write or contact me anymore."
And I didn't get another letter. So do what is best for you, if you don't want letters from him and he don't take the hint by you not writing him back, either mark the letters return to sender or maybe write a line only saying that you don't want anymore contact with him. Each person is differnt and I wish you the best and do what you think is the best! take care and God bless