and I have to tell you I don't want to go! I sit here and think what is there to talk about ? I got dumped,nothing can change that!

I don't know I know that is a bad attitude to have but I just don't much feel like talking about it,the anti depressants make me very introverted and quite.

I will go though as I had to wait for 4 weeks to get in and at the time I thought I couldn't possibly make it that long or I'd go nuts so I'll make myself go and tell my whole 15 year story with him and the crushing end to it and see just what the therapist can offer.Maybe it will be good to hear a completely objective opinion.

An employee assistance rep I saw right after the breakup told me maybe I should try and figure out why even though I have had other relationships between the times he and I were together some even serious and long term I didn't feel I loved anyone but him.What is blocking me from loving another? Why couldn't I love anyone else I was with only him? I never really thought about it much but maybe there is something to it and maybe this therapist can shed some light on steps I can take to really let go of him for good.

Will let ya know how it goes

cali, go on and go. i'm sure the therapist will be able to help u even if u don't want to talk about it i'll bet u will once u start. it can't do u any harm and can only help u through this...and yes u have to go through the grief...u cannot go around it u have to face it square on and go through the pain to get better...hope this helps. rosi

Cali...I'm glad you are going for counseling. I've been a counselor in the private sector and in the prison system and sometimes, I've felt the the people I counseled with just needed someone to talk to who would listen and not judge them, who would listen and not tell anyone else what they said, or who would just listen. If you want guidance into some soul-searching, make sure your therapist hears that 'cause if they are good, they will ask "what do you want to get our this" or "why are you here." Hope you get a good one the first time around !


"EVIL PREVAILS WHEN GOOD PEOPLE DO NOTHING"

Cali--

I am so glad to hear that you are going to get some help making this tough transition. You know that we will always be here for you :D I am sure that the therapist will be of great assistance, I know that I have always had good situations with the therapist. Sometimes it helps to just talk to someone that doesn't know you too well :D

HUGS

Mel

Hey Cali, well, here's hoping you get something out of it. I hope that just being able to talk about it does some good, as there are so few people out there who can listen without judging... let us know how it went!

(((hugs))) Q

Cali-

Hun, go, sometimes it's good to be able to talk to someone who doesn't know anything about you and get a whole new perspective on things! Sometimes, I think I need one myself. There isn't anything wrong with going. It may help you heal! You know you always have us and let us know how it goes!

Cali I really hope that you go. You never know what will happen.. Maybe it will unblock whatever is stoping you from moving forward.. I wish you the best!!

Good Luck Cali, we're all here when you need us!

Feel relieved that you are free to find someone with 100% of his marbles in his bag. LMAO That's a GREAT way of looking at it!

Cali, counseling is actually a good thing. You don't HAVE to talk right away. And please, if you are not comfortable with this counselor, move on to one you ARE comfortable with. Don't stop just cuz one isn't helping. I mean of course give it a few tries first.

Counseling is meant to help us find our answers for ourselves. It is there to help us grieve properly while allowing us to finally see the doors that are opened for us. It helps us get rid of the baggage. GO! You'll be thankful in the long run!

((((HUGS))))

Stacy

Cali -

I think counseling is a wonderful idea. I know you do not want to go, but you at least have to give it a try.

I went to a therapist in New York for my eating disorder and I was like you, I was very hesitant about going. I ended up seeing a wonderful woman named Barbara who never judged me. I will tell you that it didn't really help in regard to my eating disorder, but it did help. She just listened and once in a while she would ask a question. If I were to ask her a question, she would not answer it for me. She wanted me to figure out my own answers and I did.

We talked about everything. My marriage, my kids, Jeff, my father leaving when I was a little girl. All the stuff that I have already talked about with my best friend, but something about this was different. She did not pretend to have the answers and I figured out so much about my life, things I never realized. It was very helpful and I believe that if I didn't move, I eventually would have gained control over my eating disorder.

Sometimes it is good to talk to someone that knows nothing about your life and one who is not going to be judgmental. Give it a try, you have nothing to loose. I think the most important thing to make sure of is that you can trust your therapist and you like her. I wish you the best of luck Cali and remember we are here for you!

:wave: Hello Cali:

You will be fine. Counsellors have a way of getting you to open up. I was afraid at first and thought that I couldn't tell a complete stranger my life story. All of my Therapists were men which I thought would be worse but I actually opened up. They knew more about me than I knew about myself. I took a 6 month leave of absence form work so I could concentrate on getting better.
Don't let anyone try to discourage you. When my Mom heard about my situation she told me I was crazy. I just looked at her and said, "Why do you think I am seeing a Shrink!"

Best of luck. As always you are in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:
Pam

Cali,
I send you ((((hugs)))) and Best of Luck to have Couseling and mend your heart and soul. You a great Person. and we will be here for you. Take care and you will get better.

Thanks gang

I went and it was not too great.First off I only got about 4 hours sleep so I was grouchy then he was 20 minutes late for our appt so I was extra grouchy! He was ok well no actually he was kind of odd,he looked like an undertaker or something LOL very old and wearing some funky old man 70's suit,he just wasn't what I needed kind of bland and boring.He basically just asked what I wanted to talk about and I told him nothing really but did tell him my story he just said pretty much what anyone would say,it is a grieving process and whatever I need to do to get through it is ok,it will take time etc.He asked if I wanted another appt but I declined.I did however stop in at the front desk and ask for a woman therapist so I have another appt in a few weeks with her,the secretary said I'll just love her that she is a great lady.

He was ok well no actually he was kind of odd,he looked like an undertaker or something LOL very old and wearing some funky old man 70's suit
LOL Cali :D - do you mean wearing a suit from the 70's(like the old 'lounge suits'?) or wearing a suit a man in his 70's would wear? Good you are going to someone else and I hope she will be able to offer more help. Sending you lots of hugs and keep that sense of humor!

Jeez louise.

I can give you the lowdown on counceling! Hell, been at it for years. Still looking for me. I was sitting here tonight, pretending I was talking to these little people on my shoulders. My kids were just going "Oh my God, we need another mother. This one is really psychotic;)! (keeps them on their toes.....don't know if I am really losing it or not;))

I won't see a man counselor. I always ask for a woman. I usually won't see a male doctor but the one I see now is wonderful. I love him. He is funny and I can say any damn thing I want.

I can't tell you how many times I didn't want to go. If I start canceling appointments, she knows something is going on. I actually get physically sick to my stomach and my nerves get so bad I can't even let her at me.

It takes a few sessions to get comfortable and see how your going to mesh. Get your other counselor and see how it goes. If it don't fit, try on another one. Don't give up. You will find one that works.