to all who need them ....to all who are hurting today. I guess I am the farthest removed (time wise) from the pain but, darn it, sometimes it still hurts so much. I have flashbacks of memories when I hear a song or whatever. Today i remembered something he said to me in a letter. He said..."When I get home, I will call to you from the other room and make you come in just to tell you I love you." I was walking around campus today (I'm in grad school) with the 20 year olds (lol young whipper snappers) remembering when I was in college and young. That's when I started writing him (when I was in college in the mid eighties)...it's really sad but I have to say that some of our best times together were from when he was IN prison...because he wasn't using or drinking in there (well at least on visits he wasn't...I was told that he WAS using in there when I wasn't there to visit)...that was the "REAL him"///the guy I loved so much. The guy who wasn't using. I remember right before he died, I wrote him a letter (after he had been gone about 3 days!) and left in on the mirror in the bathroom before I left for work. I told him that he better get to AA or NA and work the steps or he was going to die. I told him after the baby was born that we would have to split because I couldn't live that way much longer. I told him until that happened that we would live in the same house but he could do what he wanted and I was going to do what I wanted. He wrote me back a little note (that I still have) and said..."I don't want to live my life without you and _____(our son's name...we named him before he was born)." It just makes me so angry sometimes that he got out and became addicted. I couldn't compete against the addiction. It's a losing battle. He went to prison when he was 16 so I guess he really never had much of a chance in life, did he?
Oh well. HUGS! TO ALL!
Raina

Awww Raina I'm sorry it still hurts but I thank you for sharing it all with us and I hope it helps you some to talk about it with us.Ya know I agree some of our best times this last go round were when he was inside we did have some great times when he came home but I really think even though he isn't (or at least wasn't,now I am not so sure) actively using his old addicted behaviours are still there and that is what led to this.

Big big hugs back to you

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))



Stacy

((((((HUGS))))))

Mel

I love a hug first thing in the morning...thanks...

(((hugs))) back at all of you!

luv, Q :)

Memories sometimes can be so great... I can relate so many things to my ex and will when I do I can sit and smile and laugh and cry all at the same time.. I agree too that some of my very best times were when he was still locked up..

Hugs to all!

Hugs!!!!!!!!