Learn to Heal Yourself

Sometimes we trick ourselves. If we feel unhappy, troubled or scared, we race toward what we think will make us feel better. In desperation, in fear, we grasp for something, anything to stop our pain. Finding that job. Making more money. Getting married. Having a relationship. If I get that one think I need, then I’ll be happy. Then my pain will stop.

Sometimes it’s true that finding the solution to a problem improves the quality of our lives. Having enough money enables us to fix the furnace when it breaks. Having people in our lives we love and who love us can be an important part of our happiness. Having work to do that we enjoy and that we feel is worthwhile helps us feel good about ourselves.

But when we’re in pain – no matter what’s causing it – the way to heal that pain doesn’t come from outside of ourselves. External circumstances don’t make internal emotions disappear. Even if we get what we think we want, the painful emotion we haven’t had the strength or courage to face will still be there.

The way to heal pain, the only way, is to feel and release it. Your pain is your pain. Your fear, desperation, and resentments are yours, too. All these emotions belong to you. Feel them, learn from them, and let them go.

Walk courageously each step of the
Path on the journey to the heart. Enjoy
When the universe sends you its gifts-
A lover, some money, a good job. But know
The ultimate key to happiness lies no in
External things, but within you. Feel all
Your feelings. Learn to heal yourself.

Open your heart

We don’t open our hearts by being a tower of strength. We don’t open our hearts by glossing over things in our head. We open our hearts by feeling what we feel. We open our hearts by being vulnerable, honest, and gentle.

We’ve become so strong, so self-sufficient. I can deal with that, we say. No big deal. I’ll keep moving on.

Yet many circumstances we’ve been through, and some we’re gong through now, cause break lines in our heart. Some of the fractures are small. Some are big. They really hurt. Maybe certain people in our lives weren’t there for us, aren’t there for us now in a way we’d like them to be. Maybe some deceived us unconsciously or betrayed us deliberately. I can deal with that, we say. I understand. They have their own issues. I forgive…

Yes, people do have their own issues. And we do forgive. But now it may be time to learn gentleness, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness for ourselves as well.

Goodbye Dream

Sometimes we need to say good-bye. Some good-byes come suddenly, without warning. Others are anticipated. Sometimes they’re a relief. And sometimes they hurt deeply. We say good-bye to things, people, and places. We say good-bye to beliefs and behaviors that become outdated.

Occasionally along the journey we need to say good-bye to something else, too – our dreams.

Dreams are precious. They become embedded in our minds and our hearts. When they die, it can be painful to let go of them. But if we’re not careful, dead dreams we haven’t released can sabotage our lives and hearts. We will continue to try to place people and things in the vacant roles in our dreams. Our dead dreams will, in fact, be controlling our lives and blocking our hearts. Living with dreams that are dead closes the door to finding new visions and creating new dreams.

If you can’t see today or tomorrow clearly because of yesterday’s dreams, it may be time for a funeral. Tenderly take your dearest dreams, your highest hopes and aims-the ones form yesterday that are now never to be-and place them gently in the ground. Tel them how dear they were, and are. But tell them also, it’s time to say good-bye. Cover them up. Dry your eyes.

And open yourself to the new hopes and dreams of today.

Wow Heather! I read through this a few times and I am still trying to completely understand all of that. I printed it off so I can look it over later tonight when I am laying in the bed thinking. I wanted to stop by and thank you for that!

HUGS

Mel

P.S~~~>I think this is gunna be part of my new antham on life :D

Heather that is a great thing to share with us. I will all so have to print this off to reread tonight... Thank-you!!

Taking Care of Ourselves

We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings. It’s impossible; the two acts contradict.

What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries!

It’s good to care about other people and their feelings; it’s essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice.

Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family, or from church, about never hurting other people’s feelings. We can replace that message with a new one, one that says it’s okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings.

That’s okay. We will learn, grow, and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allowing others to be responsible for themselves.

Caring works. Caretaking doesn’t. We can learn to walk the line between the two.

Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of others people’s feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing it’s the best thing I can do for myself and others.


Value Your Past

Value your past and all the lessons you have learned.

How easy it is to diminish the importance of our past and look on our history with a critical eye. We see the mistakes, we see what we think we should have known, we see what we could have done better. What we forget is that the reason we are able to see so clearly is because of the past and because of what we have learned. Often, it is the very experiences we regret that have created this clear vision.

Value what you’ve learned in your past. Each lesson has led to the next. Every person and event in each part of your life has been invaluable in shaping and forming you-in creating the person you are today. Each part of your past, each person who has come into your life and shared experiences with you has helped you to open your heart more to life, love, God, others, and yourself. Even those experiences you think of as wrong, or mistakes, have been an important and necessary part in creating you. Sometimes, those experiences formed the most important parts of you because they created in you compassion and understanding for others. Often the most painful events of your life are the ones that opened you to your ability to bring healing, help, and hope to others. Your past taught you to love – others and yourself. It has helped you become a channel for Divine love and a force for good in this world.

When you look back at you past, look
Tenderly and gently at all you have been
Through. Look with the eyes of the soul.
See that each experience was necessary
To bring you home to your heart.

Heather--

Thank you again! These are just amazing! Where are you getting them from? You really know how to make a person feel great ;)

HUGS

Mel

Mel, When I was going through some tough times I collected more things like this from the net than one could ever possibly need. I realized that they helped me feel better about everything in life... So I started to save them all.

I will post some here daily till I run out. :)

I am glad that you find them helpful as well.

Letting Go of Anger

We often discuss anger objectively. Yes, we reason, it's an emotion we're all prone to experience. Yes, the goal is to be free of resentment and anger. Yes, it's okay to feel angry, we agree. Well, maybe...

Anger is a powerful and sometimes frightening emotion. It's also a beneficial one if it's not allowed to harden into resentment or used as a battering ram to punish or abuse people.

Anger is a warning signal. It points to problems. Sometimes, it signals problems we need to solve. Sometimes, it points to boundaries we need to set. Sometimes, it’s the final burst of energy before letting go, or acceptance, settles in.

And, sometimes, anger just is. It doesn't have to be justified. It usually can't be confined to a tidy package. And it need not cause us to stifle ourselves or our energy.

We don't have to feel guilty whenever we experience anger. We don’t have to feel guilty.

Breathe deeply. We can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for our behaviors.

I will feel and release any angry feelings I have today. I can do that approximately and safely.


Appreciating Ourselves

We are the greatest thing that will ever happens to us. Believe it. It makes life much easier. – Codependent No More

It is time to stop this nonsense of running around picking on ourselves.

We may have walked through much of our life apologizing for ourselves either directly or indirectly – feeling less valuable than others, believing that they know better than we do, and believing that somehow others are meant to be hear and we are not.

WE have a right to be here.
We have a right to be ourselves.
WE are here. There is a purpose, a reason, and an intention for our life. We do not have to apologize for being here or being who we are.

We are good enough, and deserving.

Others do not have our magic. We have our magic. It is in us.

It doesn’t matter what we’ve done in our past. We all have a past, woven with mistakes, successes, and learning experiences. We have a right to our past. It is ours. It has worked to shape and form us. As we progress on this journey, we shall see how each of our experiences will be turned around and used for good.

We have already spent too much time being ashamed, being apologetic, and doubting the beauty of ourselves. Be done with it. Let it go. It is an unnecessary burden. Others have rights, but so do we. WE are neither less than nor more than. We are equal. We are who we are. That is who we were created and intended to be.

That, my friend, is a wonderful gift.

GAH, MsHeather!!! your timing is perfect!!! thanks, so very much, for taking the time to post all of this!!!

Oh Cyndi, Your welcome hun! Like I said, I'm glad that they can help others the way they have for me.

Got your PM , will respond tomorrow morning :) Be Well.

~Heather

Trust

Trust what you know. Not what you think you know, but what you know in your heart.

We often know the truth long before we let ourselves see and believe it, long before we're ready to acknowledge it. For many reasons-fear, timing and a myriad of issues too long to list-we ignore and discount what we know in out heart. But the truth doesn't go away. What's true what we know to be true, will nag at us and haunt us. And even if we try to run from the truth, our experiences will ultimately lead us back to it.

Life may bring us many issues we want to run from, issues that are a challenge. But the real challenge we face is learning to trust ourselves and trust what we know to be true. Maybe someone once told us we couldn't be trusted. That's too bad. But what's worse is that we began to believe it and started to tell ourselves that, too.

Your heart can be trusted. Don't doubt it.
It will inevitably connect you to what's true.
Love yourself enough to trust what you
know. Then stay connected to truth.




"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good."

This is the one that I so needed for today, THANKS! :D

HUGS

Mel

Strength

We don’t always have to be strong to be strong. Sometimes, our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.

We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.

There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally, we don’t want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes, we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.

Those days are okay. They are just okay.

Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to “fall apart” when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.

Today, know that it is okay to allow myself to be human. I do not need to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to “fall apart.”



Let Love Be

You can’t control love. It’s impossible. It’s like screaming and screeching and begging a rose to unfold faster, better, or differently.

Love is an energy – an active, living force that runs its threads through all of life, through all of the universe. But we can’t control love. It is not its nature to be controlled. It’s futile to stand with our hands in our pockets and heels dug into the ground saying, I shall control the course of love, or I shall another to control me because I’m afraid love will go away.

We can open our hearts and let love run through us. We can open our hearts and receive love. We can open our eyes and see universal love all around us, in places we never saw it before. We can awaken our souls and see that all these experiences have been lessons of love. Learning courage, faith, patience. Learning to love ourselves, when it looked and felt as if no one else did. Learning to express our creativity, express our emotions, and experience joy. Each one has been a lesson of love.

WE have learned to let love be and be open to what that is and the new direction it may lead us in. Love is a powerful living force that permeates the universe and funnels through us. We don’t lead it; it leads and guides us.

Honor the guidance of your heart, and
You will be honoring the guidance of love.

TUESDAY , MARCH 29, 2005
TODAY'S THOUGHT


Getting Needs Met

Picture yourself walking through a meadow. There is a path opening before you. As you walk, you feel hungry. Look to your left. Theres a fruit tree in full bloom. Pick what you need.

Steps later, you notice youre thirsty. On your right, theres a fresh water spring.

When you are tired, a resting place emerges. When you are lonely, a friend appears to walk with you. When you get lost, a teacher with a map appears.

Before long, you notice the flow: need and supply; desire and fulfillment. Maybe, you wonder, someone gave me the need because someone planned to fulfill it. Maybe I had to feel the need, so I would notice and accept the gift. Maybe closing my eyes to the desire closes my arms to its fulfillment.

Demand and supply, desire and fulfillment - a continuous cycle, unless we break it. All the necessary supplies have already been planned and provided for this journey.

Today, everything I need shall be supplied to me.



©1990, Hazelden Foundation

Thank you.

That is powerful Sunnie, and thank you so much for sharing this :D


HUGS

Mel

That is beautiful!!!

Experiment
Experiment. Try something new. Try stepping out.

We have been held back too long. We have held ourselves back too long.

As children, many of us were deprived of the right to experiment. Many of us are depriving ourselves of the right to experiment and learn as adults.

Now is the time to experiment. It is an important part of recovery. Let yourself try things. Let yourself try something new. Yes, you will make mistakes. But from those mistakes, you can learn what your values are.

Some things we just wont like. Thats good. Then well know a little more about who we are and what we dont like.

Some things we will like, they will work with our values. They will work with who we are, and we will discover something important and life enriching.

There is a quiet time in recovery, a time to stand still and heal, a time to give ourselves a cooling off time. This is a time of introspection and healing. It is an important time. We deal with our issues.

There also comes a time when it is equally important to experiment, to begin to test the water.

Recovery does not equal abstention from life. Recovery means learning to live and learning to live fully. Recovery means exploration, investigation, and experimentation.

Recovery means being done with the rigid, shame based rules from the past, and formulating healthy values based on self-love, love for others, and living in harmony with this world.

Experiment. Try something new. Maybe you wont like it. Maybe youll make a mistake. But maybe you will like it, and maybe youll discover something you love.

Today, I will give myself permission to experiment in life. I will stop rigidly holding myself back, and I will jump in when jumping in feels right. God, help me let go of my need to deprive myself of being alive.

This really hits home with me. When I was with David, I stopped doing a lot of the things I used to do because he did not like me doing it, or he got really jealous and insecure over me living my life like I always had. I was full of life when we met, and slowly my spirit got sucked dry from his inability to look and work on himself. He got hooked on drugs again, and I got hit pretty hard by this. The inspiration that I get from this, is no matter what happens, keep moving foward, do something new, try new ways of coping, give yourself permission to go through the grief. sometimes I have to consciencly give myself pep talks out loud, and other times I go through the motions automatically, but the whole process is what it is a process, and at times it's very painful.

Sunnie! Those are great, I see that we are quoting out of the same book, I use Language of Letting Go, as well as a few others.


Detachment

The concept of letting go can be confusing to many of us. When are we doing too much or trying too hard to control people and outcomes? When are we doing too little? When is what we’re doing an appropriate part of taking care of ourselves? What is our responsibility, and what isn’t?

These issues can challenge us whether we’ve been in recovery ten days or ten years. Sometimes, we may let go so much that we neglect responsibility to ourselves or others. Other times, we may cross the line from taking care of ourselves to controlling others and outcomes.

There is no rule book. But we don’t have to make ourselves crazy; we don’t have to be so afraid. We don’t have to do recovery perfectly. If it feels like we need to do a particular action, we can do it. If no action feels timely or inspired, don’t act on it.

Having and setting healthy limits – healthy boundaries – isn’t a tidy process. We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, to grow.

We can talk to people, ask questions, and question ourselves. If there’s something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent. Lessons don’t go away. If we’re not taking care of ourselves enough, we’ll see that. If we are being too controlling, we’ll grow to understand that too.

Things will work out. The way will become clear.

Today, I will take actions that appear appropriate. I will let go of the rest. I will strive for the balance between self-responsibility, responsibility to others, and letting go.


Keep Your Heart Open

Keep your heart open, even when you can’t have what you want.

It’s easy to keep our heart open to life’s magic and all its possibilities when we have what we want. It’s more of a challenge, and more necessary than ever, to keep our hearts open when we can’t have what we want.

Even on the best journey, things happen. Plans change. Things shift and move around. This shifting and moving causes doors to close, relationships to end, blocks and frustrations to appear on our path. For now, that is what we see. For now, what we know is disappointment. We can’t have what we want, and it hurts. When that happens, our tendancy may be to shut down, close our hearts, forget all we’ve learned.

Keep your heart open anyway. Consciously choose to do that. Yes, you can go away, you can leave, you can shut down, but you don’t need to. Now is a turning point. If you choose to open your heart, even when you can’t have what you want, miracles will unfold.

For now, remember this. Even though you don’t
Have what you want right now, keep your heart
open anyway. Later, you’ll see more. You’ll see
how it worked out. How it needed to be just so.

Someone is going to have to stop by the book thread and tell us how to get this great book! I want it so bad! I love every single thing that Heather and Sunnie has said thus far and look forward to what will come :D

HUGS

Mel

TODAYS THOUGHT
MARCH 31, 2005


Finances

Taking financial responsibility for ourselves is part of recovery. Some of us may find ourselves in hard financial times for a variety of reasons.

Our recovery concepts, including the Steps, work on money issues and restoring manageability to that area of our life. Make appropriate amends - even if that means tackling a $5,000 debt by sending in $5 a month.

Start where you are, with what youve got. As with other issues, acceptance and gratitude turn what we have into more.

Money issues are not a good place to act as if. Dont write checks until the money is in the bank. Dont spend money until youve got it in your hand.

If there is too little money to survive, use the appropriate resources available without shame.

Set goals.

Believe you deserve the best, financially.

Believe God cares about your finances.

Let go of your fear, and trust.

Today, I will focus on taking responsibility for my present financial circumstances, no matter how overwhelming that area of my life may feel and be.

Treasure Your Experiences

Gather experiences. Threat them as precious jewels.

The purpose of the journey is not to guard and restrain yourself. The purpose is to learn. You do not teach and lead your soul. Your soul leads and teaches you. It takes you wading across streams, strolling through meadows, deep into valleys, and high onto mountaintops. It takes you down winding, narrow roads and along fast-moving, four-lane highways. It takes you into tiny cafes, bustling cities, and out-of-the way hostels where people break bread and tell what they have learned.

Let yourself have all your experiences. Don’t limit or judge yourself or the adventures you have had. All were necessary, all were important, all have helped shape and form you. Your heart will lead you, guide you where you are to go. Don’t worry about getting lost or off track. Don’t worry about being worry, or in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Gather experiences. Go through them. Select the gems from each. Listen while others tell their stories, their adventures, and show you their jewels, the truths that they have learned. Then, when you break bread and sip soup with others, open your heart and joyfully share what has happened t you along the way.

Having experiences is called living.
Sharing experiences is called loving.
Let yourself enjoy both

Heather I like that one. Treasure yourself. Alot of times we look for outside influences to make us feel whole and ok. Why not do it for ourselves. Pamper ourself, be kind and gentle to ourselves like we are with others...actually being tolerant of others, and feel compassion for others have made me a lot more tolerant of myself.
Thanks for sharing this.

Don't let all the things you need to do get in the way of all that you're able to get done. Instead of worrying that it won't all get finished, get busy doing it.
Do yourself a big favor and put yourself into action. Even if you don't get it all done today, you can certainly make significant progress.
When you let yourself become immobilized by the feeling of being overwhelmed, what happens? You end up becoming even more overwhelmed.

The way to break the cycle is to step forward and take action. Even when the task is enormous, you're much better off moving forward than standing still.

Look at each task not as a burden, but as an opportunity to make a positive difference. Look at each task not with resentment and resignation, but with an eager anticipation for getting it successfully behind you.

In an instant you can go from feeling overwhelmed to being in positive control. Get busy, and get life going your way.

-- Ralph Marston

Today's Thought
MONDAY , APRIL 04, 2005


Negotiating Conflicts

Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. Its about building and maintaining relationships that work.
--Beyond Codependency

Problems and conflicts are part of life and relationships - with friends, family, loved ones, and at work problem solving and conflict negotiation are skills we can acquire and improve with time.

Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy.

Not being willing to face and solve problems means we may run into that problem again.

Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is.

Some problems with people, though, can be worked out. worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. Often, there are workable options for solving problems that we will not even see until we become open to the concept of working through problems in relationships, rather than running from the problems.

To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues, so we dont waste time trying to negotiate non-negotiable issues.

We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible. Committed, intimate relationships mean two people are learning to work together through their problems and conflicts in ways that work in both peoples best interest.

Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem solving efforts.

This is great ladies... I'm not going through a break up but still find this thread very enlightening and encouraging. Thanks for sharing!!!

24jf~ You are so welcome! I am glad that you enjoy them.


Those Old-Time Feelings

I still have bad days. But that’s okay. I used to have bad years. – Anonymous

Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is codependency, a condition some describe as “soul-sickness.”

Many of us felt this way when we began recovery. Sometimes, we slip back into these feelings after we’ve begun recovery. Sometimes there’s a reason. An event may trigger these reactions, such as ending a relationships, stress, problems on the job, at home, or in friendships. Times of change can trigger these reactions. So can physical illness.

Sometimes, these feelings return for no reason.

A return to the old feelings doesn’t mean we’re back to square one in our recovery. They do not mean we’ve failed at recovery. They do not mean we’re in for a long, painful session of feeling badly. They just are there.

The solution is the same: practicing the basics. Some of the basics are loving and trusting our self, detachment, dealings with feelings, giving and receiving support in the recovery community, using our affirmations, and having fun.
Another basic is working the Steps. Often, working the Steps is how we become enabled and empowered to practice the other basics, such as detachment and self-love.

If the old feelings come back, know for certain there is a way out that will work.

Today, if I find myself in the dark pit of codependency, I will work a Step to help myself climb out.

Balance

The goal is balance.

We need balance between work and play. We need balance between giving and receiving. We need balance in thought and feelings. We need balance in caring for our physical self and our spiritual self.

A balanced life has harmony between a professional life and a personal life. There may be times when we need to climb mountains at work. There may be times when we put extra energy into our relationships. But the overall picture needs to balance.

Just as a balanced nutritional diet takes into account the realm of our nutritional needs to stay healthy, a balanced life takes into account all our needs: our need for friends, work, love, family, play, private time, recovery time, and spiritual time- -time with God. If we get out of balance, our inner voice will tell us. We need to listen.

Today, I will examine my life to see if the scales have swung too far in any area, or not far enough in some. I will work toward achieving balance.

Solving Problems

Shame is the first feeling that strikes me whenever I, or someone I love, has a problem, said one recovering woman.

Many of us were raised with the belief that having a problem is something to be ashamed of.

This belief can do many damaging things to us. It can stop us from identifying our problems; it can make us feel alienated and inferior when we have, or someone we love has, a problem. Shame can block us from solving a problem and finding the gift from the problem.

Problems are a part of life. So are solutions. People have problems, but we, and our self-esteem, are separate from our problems.

Ive yet to meet a person who didnt have problems to solve, but I've met many who felt shamed to talk about the problems they actually had solved!

We are more than our problems. Even if our problem is our own behavior, the problem is not who we areits what we did.

Its okay to have problems. Its okay to talk about problems at appropriate times, and with safe people. Its okay to solve problems.

And were okay, even when we have, or someone we love, has a problem. We dont have to forfeit our personal power or our self-esteem. We have solved exactly the problems weve needed to solve to become who we are.

Today, I will let go of my shame about problems.

Today's Thought
SATURDAY , SEPTEMBER 03, 2005



Word PowerI know I'm controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew I'd respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so.
--Anonymous

Some of us are so vulnerable to words.
A well timed "I love you." A chosen moment for "I'm sorry." An excuse delivered in the right tone of voice. A pat on the head. A dozen roses. A kiss. A greeting card. A few words that promise love that has yet to be delivered can spin us into denial. Sometimes, it can keep us denying that we are being lied to, mistreated, or abused.
There are those who deliberately set out to sway us, to control and manipulate us through cheap talk! They know, they fully understand our vulnerability to a few well-timed words! Break through your naivete. They know what they're doing. They understand their impact on us!
We do not have to give such power to words, even though the words may be just what we want and need to hear, even though they sound so good, even though the words seem to stop the pain.
Sooner or later, we will come to realize that if behavior doesn't match a person's words, we are allowing ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, and deceived. Sooner or later, we will come to realize that talk is cheap, unless the person's behavior matches it.
We can come to demand congruency in the behavior and the words of those around us. We can learn to not be manipulated, or swayed, by cheap talk.
We cannot control what others do, but we can choose our own behaviors and our own course of action. We do not have to let cheap, well-timed talk control us--even if the words we hear are exactly what we want to hear to stop our pain.
Today, I will let go of my vulnerability to words. God, help me trust myself to know the truth, even when I am being deceived. Help me cherish those relationships where there is congruity. Help me believe I deserve congruity and truth in the behavior and the words of those I care about.

Today's Thought
SUNDAY , SEPTEMBER 04, 2005


Finding Direction
I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.
--Anonymous
We each have a life to live, one that has purpose and meaning. We can help our Higher Power give direction and purpose to our life by setting goals.
We can set goals annually, monthly, or daily in times of crisis. Goals create direction and pace; goals help us achieve a manageable life that is directed in the course we choose for ourselves.
We can help give our lives direction by setting goals.
Today, I will pay attention to setting a course of action for my life, rather than letting others control my life and affairs.

A moment of peace

Give yourself a moment of peace. Let all the thoughts and sensations come, and then just as quickly let them flow on past.

Stop holding so tightly to the confusion that's around you. Relax and enjoy a moment of peace.

Visualize a brilliant, refreshing peace, easily and naturally flowing out from within you. And you'll experience that peace in abundance as it surely fills your world.

Enjoy a sense of peace by being that sense of peace. Allow your life to embody the calmness and serenity of the peaceful person you truly are.

The peace you have to give will never run out. Sending it outward serves to make it even stronger.

Be the peace you seek to know. And know the power that peace can bring.

Heather,
Thank You and GOD BLESS.
Cindy

Today's Thought
MONDAY , SEPTEMBER 05, 2005


Step Ten
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
--Step Ten of Al Anon
Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten.
This Step incorporates the process we have gone through in Steps Four through Nine. We do not work this Step to punish ourselves or to hold ourselves under a constantly critical and demeaning microscope. We do it to maintain self-esteem and harmony in our relationship with others and ourselves. We do it to stay on track.
When an issue or problem emerges and needs our attention, identify it and openly discuss it with at least one safe person and God. Accept it. Become willing to let go of it. Ask God to take it from us. Have a change of heart by the willingness to make whatever amend is called for - to do what is necessary to take care of ourselves. Take an appropriate action to resolve the matter. Then let go of the guilt and shame.
This is a simple formula for taking care of ourselves. This is how we change. This is how we become changed. This is the process for healing and health. This is the process for achieving self-responsibility and self esteem.
The next time we do something that bothers us, the next time we feel off track or off course, we don't have to waste our time or energy feeling ashamed. We can take a Tenth Step. Let the process happen. And move on with our life.
God, help me make this Step and other Steps a habitual way of responding to life and my issues. Help me know that I am free to live, to allow myself to fully experiment with and experience life. If I get off course, or if an issue arises that demands my attention, help me deal with it by using the Tenth Step.

Today's Thought
TUESDAY , SEPTEMBER 06, 2005


The Good in Step Ten
Step Ten says: "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." It does not suggest that we ignore what is right in our life. It says we continue to take a personal inventory and keep a focus on ourselves.
When we take an inventory, we will want to look for many things. We can search out feelings that need our attention. We can look for low self-esteem creeping back in. We can look for old ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. We can look for mistakes that need correcting.
But a critical part of our inventory can focus on what we're doing right and on all that is good around us.
Part of our codependency is an obsessive focus on what's wrong and what we might be doing wrong - real or imagined. In recovery we're learning to focus on what's right.
Look fearlessly, with a loving, positive eye. What did you do right today? Did you behave differently today than you would have a year ago? Did you reach out to someone and allow yourself to be vulnerable? You can compliment yourself for that.
Did you have a bad day but dealt effectively with it? Did you practice gratitude or acceptance? Did you take a risk, own your power, or set a boundary? Did you take responsibility for yourself in a way that you might not have before?
Did you take time for prayer or meditation? Did you trust God? Did you let someone do something for you?
Even on our worst days, we can find one thing we did right. We can find something to feel hopeful about. We can find something to look forward to. We can focus realistically on visions of what can be.
God, help me let go of my need to stay immersed in negativity. I can change the energy in my environment and myself from negative to positive. I will affirm the good until it sinks in and feels real. I will also strive to find one quality that I like about someone else who's important to me, and I will take the risk of telling him or her that.

Small details

The small challenges give you the opportunity to build strength. The big challenges give you the opportunity to make valuable use of that strength.

Small, simple efforts, repeated over and over again, give you the ability to undertake the bigger, more complicated efforts. Making the most of every moment puts you in a position to achieve the very best with each day.

By paying attention to the details, you will discover and develop ways in which to positively and successfully influence the big picture. By making sure that the mundane and tedious tasks are taken care of, you open the door to exciting, impressive and spectacular results.

Big achievements are always composed of many, many smaller achievements. That is what makes real, substantial success available to anyone.

For anyone can begin the process by taking a modest positive step forward. Take enough of those steps, and you can go anywhere you desire to go.

In every moment, in every situation, there is some small detail you can attend to, some small challenge that you can embrace. Make a habit of always giving whatever you can, and you'll reach the point where you can achieve whatever you wish.

On your own side
It's impossible to make much progress if you're busy clinging to the very things that hold you back. At some point you must decide whether you want to truly move forward or not.

When you constantly have to work against your own negative habits and thought patterns, success will continue to elude you. Real achievement begins the moment you make the firm commitment to put yourself on your own side.

You think thousands of thoughts and take hundreds of actions on a daily basis. Within those thoughts and actions there is enormous opportunity to make real, substantial progress.

How much of that abundance of opportunity are you utilizing to move your life forward? And how much is being wasted, or even worse, pushing you backwards?

When you replace a negative, destructive habit with a creative, productive one, you get a double gain. You are suddenly free from something that was holding you back, and on top of that there is a new force working to move you forward.

Use your thoughts, use your words, and use the actions you take each day to put yourself squarely on your own side. And you'll be well on the way toward whatever you choose to achieve.

bringing this back up with more...

Recovery

How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .

Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.

The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.

Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.

Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.

It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.

Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.

I really like these .. Thank you for sharing them.

Letting Go of Sadness

A block to joy and love can be unresolved sadness from the past.

In the past, we told ourselves many things to deny the pain: It doesn’t hurt that much…Maybe if I just wait, things will change… It’s no big deal. I can get through this…Maybe if I try to change the other person, I won’t have to change myself.

We denied that it hurt because we didn’t want to feel the pain.

Unfinished business doesn’t go away. It keeps repeating itself, until it gets our attention, until we feel it, deal with it, and heal.

Many of us didn’t have the tools, support, or safely we needed to acknowledge and accept pain in our past. It’s okay. We’re safe now. Slowly, carefully, we can begin to open ourselves up to our feelings. We can begin the process of feeling what we have denied so long – not to blame, not to shame, but to heal ourselves in preparation for a better life.

It’s okay to cry when we need to cry and feel the sadness many of us have stored within for so long. We can feel and release these feelings.

Grief is a cleansing process. It’s an acceptance process. It moves us from our past, into today, and into a better future – a future free of sabotaging behaviors, a future that holds more options than our past.

Free Yourself from Manipulation

Learn to recognize passive-aggressive hits. Learn to recognize when other people have hidden agendas, when they’re trying to control or manipulate you. When we’re being controlled, we may feel guilty, obligated, indebted. In our muddled state, we agree to another’s wishes but we’re not sure why. Then we wander around feeling uncertain, unbalanced, and confused.

The lesson still isn’t about them. The lesson is about how we respond. If their behavior, their energy, is affecting us that strongly, it’s because something in us needs to be healed. A part of us isn’t clear, is still mucked up by something old and ourworn, such as guilt or fear. Once we heal ourselves, we will know how to deal with their energy, how to handle their passive-aggressive behavior and their attempts to control us. Then we can thank them for helping trigger our healing process, for helping us grow.

Everything that happens along the way is part
Of the journey. Everything can be incorporated
Into our healing process. All roads lead to growth.

Thanks, this is exactly what I need to be reading right now.