Hi everyone and welcome to our new forum! I'm glad to be a part of it and this wonderful team!

Most of you know me and my story but for those that don't I'll try to wrap up the long 15 year history in a short little piece for you.My ex and I are each others first loves,met and dated in our teens and early 20's.The first few years were great then he got into drugs and our relationship was then very rocky for the next few years.We ended up going our seperate ways and eventually into other relationships.I dated and had a few serious boyfriends while he got married and had two children.We never forgot each other,I remained close to his family,he still called or sent mail from time to time but we lived in two different worlds and a relationship wasn't possible for us to maintain.

Fast foward about 8 years after our break up,He ends up seperated and in prison,I write,we remain friends for the first year then I go visit him in Nov.2003.It was like we had never been apart! I was in love all over again,he was as well and shortly after sent me a letter telling me he loved me and wanted us to have a second chance (which I had always wanted).We had a great relationship while he was in and had high hopes for the future,although there were a few little rough patches in that year I thought we got through them ok and everything would be fine.

He came home in Nov.2004 and all was well for 3 months,we had a wonderful time together,were very happy,spent time with his kids as a family and so on.I believed this was it,we would be married and live happily ever after.That is afterall what I had always wanted and what he said he wanted as well.Unfortunatly that is where my fairy tale ends :( We split up about 4 weeks ago with him saying he wasn't ready for this afterall,wanted freedom,wanted to see someone else,couldn't give me what I needed and I deserved better etc.

It's been a horribly hard month for me.I'm still absolutly heartbroken and can't believe this is how our story ends.PTO and the people here have been a big source of comfort and support for me and I think this new forum is a really,really good thing for all of us who are now in this situation or have been in the past.

Hi everyone I'm Stacy :) And altho I'm not in this situation, I KNOW the heartache of losing a realtiosnhip where hopes and dreams were built on. My husband and I have been together for 7 years. Of course, it's not been the happiest 7 years either. At one point in our relationship, we had a split for a yr and 1/2. It was the most difficult time in my life. The saddest, most lost feeling I've EVER dealt with. We had a newborn baby at the time. All those dreams of raising her TOGETHER went straight down the tubes for a very long time. Even after he was incarcerated, we were only friends. Yes, we ended up (so far) a success story, I still completely understand the loss you may be feeling now. The deep sadness, the betrayal, anguish, and mistrust. I always describe it like death. It literally fealt like he died. I cried for days straight, couldn't get out of bed. Couldn't get myself to leave the house. When I did leave the house, a dark fog followed me everywhere. I was literlly LOST. Didn't know where to go, who to turn to. Not many understood why I still loved him, but I did. Eventually, I MADE myself date again. I got a new job. Moved out of town. Started over. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. But life HAD to go on. I think what I hated the most thru all this, was KNOWING I have to go thru the steps before healing would begin. I just wanted the heartache to go away. But it wouldn't unless I took the necessary steps to begin the healing process.

Please KNOW that it will get better. Our goal here is to help you thru those steps so you can begin to heal and move FORWARD.

Stacy
PTO Forum Leader

Hello everyone and welcome to the When the Relationship is Over forum!

Let me get to introducing myself to you wonderful ladies and gentlemen!

My name is Melissa and I was involved with Josh for a little over a year. We got together while he was incarcerated on November 22, 2003. First everything was great and peachy but then things began to change fast and vicious. I never knew Josh on the outside but I thought that that would be just fine because I only heard good things about him.

I knew something was wrong when he started to demand things from me, like money and more of my time. Currently I am a full time college student so when it comes to the time department I am very busy. He started to not respect me so I broke it off. A little later on I received that I am sorry letter and fell for him all over again. That time didn't last too long either. When we broke up that second time I was determined to not go back. I was doing pretty good and then Josh sent one of my friends a letter and I fell for him again! Forunately, that round only lasted a little over a month as his demanding side was coming back.

I know it is so hard to be in love with someone and then not be with that person. I have cried myself to sleep because of how bad I feel. I know how each and everyone of us that are no longer in a relationship feels. I am here for you and will always be :D

Melissa

Hi Everyone!
For those of you that don't know me, let me take a second to introduce myself to you. My name is Heather and I live in the tiny little state of Rhode Island.

In the summer of 1998 I met this boy, Mark he worked at the Jiffy Lube and gave me a instant oil change, he also gave me a instant friendship... because as soon as I saw him we had a connection. We spent the most part of the summer together. When summer was almost over I had to make a trip down to family in another state... and I left Mark here. It was only for a week, but to us we thought it would be years (you know how it is to be 18 and in love). So I left, even though he begged me not to go. When I came back from my trip Mark never called, and I sorta just went on with my life. But I never ever forgot him. Then in the summer of 2003, when all the focus was on a pen pal site for Susan Smith, I ventured over there out of curiosity... and much to my surprise, there was Mark. To save you a long story, we started to write and feel the old feelings that we once felt. He was doing a 20 year sentence for a crime that he had commited with a friend the week I went away in the summer of 1998. Our relationship was solid for about a year. Then the question of our future were flying. In all reality, he had a 15 year sentence to finish out... and there was no thought of parole till he did 14 of them years. I could tell that he would feel guilty for not being able to physically be there for me. Yes I loved him, but I wanted a family, a home a normal life. After hours of visiting hours talking about us, and all the questions and doubts we decided that maybe what would be best is to just be friends. It was hard at first to swallow this. I did love him and second guessed this just friends things... He was the stronger one, telling me all I needed was time to adjust to the new relationship. He was right. Time did heal my wounds.

Now, I know what everyones saying. "Just friends" NEVER works, but it has for us. I am still very close with him, we still write weekly and have our visits. He knows just about everything about me and we share with eachother more than we ever did when we were together. Our bond has strengthened and I hope that it lasts throughout.

Anyway... Welcome to the new forum. We hope to be able to provide you with the strength and SUPPORT that will get you through a break-up. We are here for you!

Hugs to all of you!
:)
Heather

Hey ladies (and gents)

I figure that we have a thread here to introduce us staff members, and a place where we can all tell our story on how we have made it to the "When the Relationship is over" forum, I wanted to have a place for you members to be able to share with all of us (if you wish) your story, and how you ended up here in this forum. You don't have to share every detail if you don't wish, a simple intro will do...

So lets hear it!

Have a GREAT day,
Heather

:thumbsup:

THANKS, Heather!! That was easy enough. Here is my first post to PTO last November. It tells my story. I still have pain left from this even though it happened so long ago. PTO has really helped me. I was with him for about 4 years on the inside and 4 on the outside before he died for a total of 8 years. HUGS TO ALL who are hurting! {{{{{}}}}}
Raina
Hello,
You don't know me. I have been reading this forum because I still, many years later, have a lot of hurt in my heart. Here's my story:

While I was in college, I met someone who was in prison. He was in prison for a long time. He did about 10 years all together. He went in when he was 16 and got out when he was 26. I met him when he was 23 and I was about 21 years old. I loved this man so much. I was so crazy about him. I understand waiting for letters and visits because I did the last four years of his sentence with him (3 in prison and then some in a halfway house.) I understand the phone bills, and the lonliness. I understand it all because I lived through it. I understand the waiting. I understand the reaction from friends and family. My friends and family were appalled. What was wrong with me? I graduated with honors from college. Highly educated. what was wrong with me is that I coudl look past this man's sins and see the true soul of the man, I loved that man and would do ANYTHING for him. I still have all of the love letters. about 19 years later. Every single one of them. I still read them sometimes. I dont' know what to do with them.

He got out. We were happy....for awhile anyway. he got a good, high paying job, and things were great. About a year after he got out, things started to change. he started drinking too heavily...started doing drugs. Started beating me. We went to counseling. that didn't help. I started getitng hang up calls. I started asking him to go to 12 step meetings with me. I did everything I knew how to do to help him. I got pregnant.

I started getitng phone calls from women telling me they were going to kill me and my unborn child. I kept asking him who it was...he always said he didn't know. He started not coming home at night ...2 and 3 days at a time. I knew I couldn't live that way much longer. I went to counseling by myself and I was told many times to leave this dangerous situation. I was the classic battered wife. I was too scared to go. he told me that he would kill me if he ever saw me with another man (and he was cheating on ME...go figure). I prayed and prayed to God, every night, to let me have a normal life. I loved him too much to leave him but hated the way things were going. I turned 28 years old. he died on June 8th, 1989. I was leaving to go to work and saw a note on my door to call the local police department. I called. They sent a policeman to my door and he told me that my man had died the night before in a motorcycle crash. his girlfriend was with him and she died too. He was drunk and using. He ran his motorcycle into the back of a semi truck. I was 9 months pregnant with our only child.

My beautiful son was born exactly one month later. I was a single mommy and a new mommy all at once. I was terrified and grieving the loss of the man who was my life. My newborn son looked exactly like him. I baptised my son in the same outfit that his father had on when he was a baby. The birth of my son literally saved my life. I had to get out of bed every morning to care of this child who was dependent on me for everything.

Fast forward 15 years later. My son is 15 years old now. He is a gifted honors student. he is my joy and my life. he is kind and compassionate with many friends. He never saw his dad. his dad never saw him. he can identify his father in pictures. I have told my son the gist of my lifewith his father. he knows that he was "troubled" without knowing all fo the details. I went to a child psychologist when he wass till very young and asked them how to tell my son this stuff. he told me to give him the basics without all fo the details. He told me NOT to tell him all of the details until he was much much older (and only then if he asked) because he said that my son should get his own identity first before finding this stuff out. I still worry about having to tell him this stuff.

I am remarried now and my new man is a good man. he is a good father to my son. It's the only father my son has ever known.

I guess I wanted to write this because I wanted to tell you all that I know how you feel. I have been there, too. I want to tell all of you to be very careful. A lot of men in prison have drugs and alcohol problems that go undetected while they are away and don't rear their ugly heads until they are free. Please be careful. Hugs and prayers and best wishes to all of you. I truly do understand how it feels to love someone so much that you can see above and beyond the bad things that they did. I wish that I would have had a place like this to come to when I was loving him (early 80's) ....
God Bless you all~
Raina

Raina,
I do not even know where to begin but I wanted to stop by after reading your story and give you a great big ole ((HUG)). You are a strong woman and I know that this is difficult to talk about, but I wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I am sure that you have helped so many, some that you might not even know about.

HUGS

Mel

Hi everyone...

My name is Joy and first of all Raina(((Huge hugs to you))) I am so at a loss for words, I felt your pain reading your post. You have the blessing of having such a special son and I know that eases some of your heartache-

I am at the beginning of the end of my fifteen year relationship/marriage. Painpill addiction and countless rehabs, infidelity, incarceration, breaking the heart of our son...too much more. All that matters is that I finally realized I can eventually be happy again and I am at this point now and really appreciate other people who are/have gone through this incredibly painful process..

Welcome MRSMAZE ((HUGS)) to you!

HUGS

Mel

Raina, Thank you so much for sharing that story! We are so glad that YOU are here!

All that matters is that I finally realized I can eventually be happy again and I am at this point now and really appreciate other people who are/have gone through this incredibly painful process..

MrsMaze, Welcome! This is EXACTLY what this forum is for.

Hugs to both of you :)
Heather

Hugs to you Raina and MrsMaze,thanks for sharing your stories!

Hi my name is Amy.. :wave: I have been a member of pto for a while now.. I was with Louis for a little over 2 years. I was with him while he was on the outside and it was very hard then. He was on parole for the same thing that he went back in for.. I thought that he would change knowing that he had someone waiting for him but after 19 months of a relationship behind bars, I realize that he is not changing but still being the same on the inside. He was controlling in everything. It was not easy to leave him I felt so bad for leaving him that the first time I went back to him. I thought maybe that he would see that he can't live a life of using and be with me. All that happened by leaving him was he started to say things that I wanted to hear and not the truth. It took alot to really leave him. I'm a very codependent person. But I have realized that I really left long ago and it was not fair to him for me to drag this out. I really tried to do this easy for him but he is not making it easy. I really came to understand that I feel out of Love with him. He is still trying to call and write but I can't write back or take his calls cause it will not help anything out.. I have learned to be happy with myself and my kids. I have started to date a little and this time I totally went for some way different than the bad boy!!

I really hope that all of us that are comming out of a prison relationship can find happness. that there is nothing that we can't do. Ladies please keep in your mind that when one door closes another one opens!!!! We are the only ones can make ourselfs happy.. Do things that you would not do befor try new things!!! :thumbsup:

louis'sgirl ((((HUGS))))

Sometimes we have to make those choices in which we really hate to have to do; but in the long run it is the best thing for everyone, including you most importantly!

Mel

Raina, THANK YOU for sharing. I read some of your posts the other day, and they made me cry. Now, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes again. What a powerful message you send. What a tragedy to have to endure. You are the epitomy of strength. Kudos to you. And peace to your family.

MrsMaze, THANKS for posting. It's not easy letting go. Sometimes we just have to do feels right and move on. We are here for thru this painful journey. Know that pain will soon subside and much happines will come your way ;)

Louis'sgirl, good for you for beginning the steps to move on in life. It's NOT an easy thing to do. But once the balls a rollin' things begin to fall into place. Thanks for posting.

Stacy

((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Raina,louis's girl, mrsmaze
Welcome and thank you for sharing your stories with us. :)

Hi, as you can see by my name I am JustLisa.. I used to be LisaandMichael when I joined PTO over a year ago.. I met my Michael out here very briefly then he was locked up for only 10 months.. during this time is when our relationship flourished.. the letters, the phone calls, the visits. He is a meth addict (or as he calls himself now a needle junkie). I was the only girl he had ever been with who was not an addict.. our backgrounds were totally opposite.. me, college educated, no arrests, good home life growing up, etc.. him, hardly ever even went to school, both parents addicts, he was an addict since a young age.. we fell in love, he got out, we were together for a bit out here in the real world, till he decided to get high again and pretty much hasn't stopped yet... our relationship ended months ago when he left me for a girl he met at the homeless shelter they were both living at, she was just out of prison, addict, she would get high with him, etc.. Even though we technically weren't together, he would still call me almost every night, come to my house, tell me they were over, he wanted to be with me again, he loved me, missed me, etc.. but then he would always go back to her.. a while back he called me begging me to come pick him up, he was leaving her and wanted to get clean, needed my help. Me, being the caring person that I am and still caring about him greatly, went and picked him up at the place they were staying.. He was crying in my car, had been up for days and days, I brought him back to my house and basically detoxed him, made him eat, drink some fluids, took care of him all night till he finally fell asleep.. It was about the hardest thing I have had to go through.. seeing him all sucked up, he had lost about 50 lbs.. had track marks all over his arms, he was hallucinating, delirious, etc. To make this long story short, that night he stole from me, the one thing he swore he would never do, he stole two very sentimental rings of mine, one I got back from him later, one I didn't.. That was my sign that I HAD to let go of him totally.. For a while I hated him, but then I realized it wasn't him, it is the nasty drug that has a death grip on him... and I forgave him.. He still calls me from time to time.. He is never welcomed in my home again as I can't trust him.. I know that I should just break off all contact with him, I need to sever all ties to him.. but I guess I'm not ready to do that.

I still hurt for him sometimes and think about all the plans we made to be together and the things we planned to do. I feel like I was cheated out of my life with him.. But, I also know that he is too sick right now to be any good for me.. He and his girlfriend are expecting a baby and the saddest part of all of this is that they still get high..

JustLisa--welcome to our little home away from home :D I am glad you found the new forum and please make sure you stay with us ;)

((HUGS))

Mel

Amy and Lisa! Welcome to the forum! We are glad you are here :)

Amy and Lisa welcome! Thanks for sharing your stories

Lisa I can relate to almost all of what you said!

I met Josh back in 2003 while he was in prison. My sister had a friend and I wanted a pen pal and I got him. We wrote back and forth for 5 months until he came come. He came home on March 3, 2004 and we met on March 7th, things went great! We hit it off really well. Things moved fast for us, one day we met, the next day we were a couple. I broke up with him about 6 times in the 6 months he was home. One reason was he was really possessive, really jealous, I couldn't stand it! He would get angry about me working with guys, and I have too, it's just work! Second, he stold from me, many, many times but he only admited to doing it once! The other times he denies everything! Third, he was into coke and he was a heavy drinker! Every time we were together he was getting drunk and I hated it! Lastly, he went back to prison! Six months after he was home, after promises of having a future together, having kids, and never going back to prison, he wound up back in prison! I was the one who got him arrested! He was babysitting my neice and got drunk and was taking Xanax and dropped the pills, my neice ate one! I took her to the hospital that night and lost my guardianship of her and almost my freedom! I almost got charged with child abuse because of him!!! In the end, he got sentenced to two to fourteen years and my neice currently lives with my parents. I had thought that he made a mistake, that he could change! That the alcohol was at fault here, but as time has gone on I have come to realize that I was blind to it all! He was the one who chose to drink, he was the one who chose to take the Xanax and he was the one who put himself back in prison. For months, I have had this guilt over my head, thinking I put him back in, but I know now that it was all him! I did six months of his sentence with him, thinking this could work, but as time has gone on I realize that I cannot stay with a man who has done me this wrong, over and over again. It's not easy walking away, I do still love him. We had planned to get married, we had planned to have kids and a life together but I have woken up from that dream and I'm moving on with my life. It's time I take care of me and not anyone else. Currently, I have just starting seeing someone, a complete opposite of what I have been with and I kind of like it! I enjoy it actually! I look forward to another day now, unlike before!

Wow Dinky.. I am so glad that your niece was ok.. and I am glad you have moved on... it doesn't sound like he deserves your love... take care!!

Welcome Dinky and Lisa (((((hugs))))))))

I can relate to most of your alls stories. Thanks so much for sharing with us. :)

Dinky I"m so gald that you posted in here.. Honey you know where I'm at if you need me.. I know how hard this is. you watched me go though this with Louis..

good luck to you. I know this isn't easy and I am so sorry about your neice.

I'm Tracey.
My guy and I were together for about 7.5yrs altogether. He molested my daughter,and got sentenced for 3yrs, but is only serving 2yrs. Our relationship...I thought was so good in all areas, we understood each other and he actually listened to me when I had something to say. I felt like myself around him, but in the meantime he was molesting my daughter, keeping up with me and playing the game, being deceitful. He is getting out this September and I thought the best thing I could do was to do the juggling act of being a support to my daughter and son and to my man while he was getting treatment inside for doing what he did. But I wasn't looking after myself very well, fell into a depression. I visited him last January, and I broke down and realized finally ....that we could never be the family that we were again. It's hard to take, but I believe that he could change, he didn't have issues with drugs or alcohol,and I know that he can change when he works on himself. but I have to look at society as well, most if not all of my friends are not happy if I choose to stay with him. I don't want to just be in a relationship with a guy, and have no friends, and we can't have the family outings again. I have to look at my happiness factor. I'm involved in a new relationship, but I'm so riddled with guilt, that I'm jeopordizing my new relationship with thoughts of " Did I do the right thing?", "I hurt him so bad, as I was his only support system" I still believe that with support he'll do well, but I can't do it. I can't be his one and only....he has to find out his own supports, I've helped him with a couple. I thought about remaining friends with him...I still have to think about it, as my thoughts change daily about it. He is my comfort zone, and I'm afraid if we were to be friends I don't know if I could just stay as friends....I know what to expect with him, and it's comfortable to me.
I'm in this new relationship now, and at times I'm riddled with guilt, images and past stuff I used to do with my prison guy. I try to push the pain, and guilt out of my head...but it's always there several times a day. This relationship is slow moving and I find I compare sometimes between the two. When my prison guy calls or writes me, it just sets me back....I miss him, and I'm angry that our family was torn up, and I want so much to have family with him...but can't, despite how I feel about him. I have to look at it logically. And give this new relationship a chance to blossom. He knows a bit of what I'm going through, and is totally different then my prison guy...in a professional view, he's a university professor, Education consultant, lots of accomplishments...so he isn't very dependant on me, and I'm so used to be the one helping, supporting, rescuing and paying for stuff. But I want to give it a chance...

Well thats my story more or less

Welcome Dinky and Strangeanimal HUGS to you both

Wow hugs to all of you. My story is very similar to cali's I am in cali too. I met J when I was 15 I am 30 now he had just gotten out I was in love he was my first love. He was heavily into meth we seperated cause i couldnt handle it and he hooked up with this old tweeker lady he got busted and we got back to gether I waited for him for 2 years i was 19 at the time i visited every weekendhad $ 1,000 bills sent packages put thousand of miles on my car. Then he got out did ok for a while then he would start with the drugs and go back in. When I was around 27 I couldnt do it any more put my life on hold for him again so I got married ahad a baby and got divorced but then he was back in my life I was writing him again visiting etc. i cant explain it he was my first love I love him with all my heart and soul even though i am 30 I still feel like I am fifteen again when I m around him get butterflies in my stomach and everyhting well he got out in december I went and picked him up everything was great we were going to be a family we were happy 4 two months he has a nephew who is 16 well he screwed his nephews girlfirend who was 17. He denied it but I know his nephew had no reason to lie. Well remember I told you in the beginning he hooked up with an old tweeker chick well she died about 4 years ago now he is screwing her daughter they are together and in love she does meth as well. I am devasteted I feel like and idiot how can i let myself get all stupid over him again I know he was no good for me did not appreciate me I had gained weight after my son but have since lost 60 bs he used to tease me about my weight. I fell like an idiot I bought him a cell phone clothes etc. I feel like an idiot. But I cant get him out of my head I mean how can he not care after all we have been thru every song reminds me of him. I have dreams about him I cant get him off my mind I know I am better off but it still hurts. I have read your posts for a long time and they do help sorry for rambling and thanks for listening it has been 2 months and i still am a a mess

Welcome Slogirl I am sorry you are going through this :( I feel the same way you do as like you said our stories are very similiar.It's been a month for me and I too still think of him and wonder how he can't care after all these years and all we have been through.It just really boggles my mind,maybe we will never fully understand it?

Hang in there HUGS to you,we are all in the same boat and here to listen and talk whenever you need us.

well... I have been a memeber of PTO for a while. My name is Lisa, some of you know me... I was in a relationship with "Dee" for over 4yrs. I supported him in every way possible and imaginable during the last few yrs of his time. He came home and we were happy as could be for a while, but I think that stress overwhelmed him and prison really broke him. He started going out-- SEVEN DAYS A WEEK (!), found some little friends that kept him company-- it seemed to me that after 11 yrs of prison he was not only loving the attention from the outside world, but he also seemed to 'need' it in some sick way. Things became out of control for us. He gave me a concussion, broke my ribs, gave me bruises too numerous to mention, kicked me, bit me... basically abused me in almost every physical fashion. I kicked him out and he was gone for 2 months- then, God only knows why-- I took him back.. for a month. It was all the same cycle over again. Then out of a desperate attempt to save a relationship with a man that I truly love and I had put so much time into, I took him back once more. It was abusive at times but he was seemingly treating me better. However, one evening it all built up. I just looked at him and said "it's time for you to go". I work midnights and I told him to be gone by the time I got home in the morning. I had just had enough. Well, he was gone, sure enough... he moved right across the street with a hoe (sorry....) that I thought he may have been messing around with all along. That's where he is now. Right across the street. I mean, if I look out my door, I see into theirs. It's sickening. He was gone a whole 24 hrs and was already calling me. I have seen him several times since- met him- talked on the phone. I know he's not happy where he is cause I am strongly sure that he has been messing around on her already, too. If he wouldn't change for me, I doubt he will for her. Anyhow I love that man, I really do. I did all that prison time with him and was FAITHFUL!! I spent so, so much money in phone bills- just like ya'all did, I never missed a court date- in fact if it weren't for me, to be quite honest, he wouldn't have his freedom. But I was not meant to live that kind of life. It took me a minute, but I moved on. I am not saying that I don't think about him and deep down wish that he could do right and be the man that I saw him to be, but it simply isn't going to happen. Only he can make that change, in his own time. For now, I will love him from a distance, knowing that no matter how much it hurts (even at this very minute), I did the right thing. I did what was best for Lisa, not Dee... LISA. There were days that I didn't even recognize myself and had no idea how things got so far out of hand. But now even though I am slow movin' I am looking to love again. This time it'll be right. Ladies, my heart goes out to you all. You will be in my prayers.

Hi all :wave:

Let me butt in here. Well I've know bam bam for 10 yrs. We were good friends for a long time. He was there when i lost my baby dad. Well fast foward a couple of years. He gets busted and I was there. Letters visits packages anything he wanted he got. 2yrs i did with him. I fell crazy in love with him. But never really got involved with him. When he walked out of the gates i was there to pick him up with open arms. We did our thing:D . Wow i felt like a lucky girl. He goes back not more than 24 hours later parole violation. I was there again. He calls when he gets out. I got him a job with good pay. And he disappears on me. I called him and nothing. I look for him and nothing. It broke my heart i had gotten played. He hooked up with some druggie. I couldnt compete. I mean honestly i had low self esteem. Im a big girl(but beautiful) and well he is fineee. I wont deny that. I had lost the man i loved. But after a while i realised i was much better of alone. I was beautiful and had a great career. Well then come the calls "he is in again" facing his 3rd stike. WOW brought me to tears. He begged me to go see him eventually i gave in. He was sentenced and i was willing to do his 50yrs with him. I mean after all i loved him. Well after he gets transfered to reception he mixes up letters and i find out he is using me for my $$$. It hurt so bad to know that he had done it again. But more i had let him do it. Well cutting a vey long short. I let him go. I cried for a while. He writed letter telling me he loves me something i wanted to hear. But i dont buy it. Im better off. Im dating a wonderful man but my heart just wont let bambam out. With time I will heal. But i cant and wont let him get the best of me. I am much better with out him even if it does hurt. I keep my head up and dont give him the any time. He writes almost daily I do read some but mostly they get tossed. He had a good thing and he lost it. Not my fault!!!

Thats my story.....

PEBBLES

Thanks Freedsoul and Pebbles for sharing your stories,wishing you both the best! HUGS

Well, Lance went to jail in June, and I wasnt gonna wait for him,nothing, around September, I decided that there wasnt no one but him for me....waited for him until he got out about 2 1/2 weeks ago. The first time I got to see him, I pulled up at the house he was at, and him and his EX G/F walk out the house, yeah that pretty much killed me on the inside. So I wasted all that time for nothing..Now he wants to be with me again, and he misses me, whatever, but I cant put myself thru all of that pain...Now his best friend (also named Lance and also in prison and one of my good friends as well...) and I have been writing to each other, and he wants to be with me when he comes home....My love life is so screwed up!! I still love My Lance to death, and it hurts so bad.....But I know id end up gettin hurt worse if I went back to him. Im glad there is a place on here to talk about the AFTER effects of the relationship...

Hi All, I guess that as of today I am a new member of this forum. I got a letter today from my guy telling me that he didn't want to have a romantic or friendly relationship with me anymore. He has been going through a lot of stress and apparently he is weaker than I am and can't handle it. I have been going through a lot of stress as well, probably more than he has but I don't want to compare, stress is stress. Anyway he has given up on the relationship. I kind of knew it was coming. I got a letter last Tuesday that made me think that he was going to end it. I was hoping and praying that he wouldn't quit on us but he did. Now I must move on. I love him and he will always have a place in my heart. I will always be his Autumn but I guess we won't have the future together that we talked and dreamed about. I met him when I was a staff on the inside. We started a relationship and then we were discovered and I had to resign. I have found a new job and we struggled to keep it going. No one in my circle of friends, or family knew about us. Only the ladies here on PTO. Well now I am in a position to have to fight to keep my license and it may get taken away and that means that I will lose my current job as well and pretty much not be able to work in the field that I am good at. I don't know what I will do for a living if that happens. I went through all of it knowing that I was with the man that I loved and I really didn't have any regrets. I still don't now, even in the face of losing my license because I knew that I made decisions based on my heart. The only regret that I have is that he shut me out when he needed me the most and I couldn't do anythign about it. I am very hurt and will probalby come crashing down later but for now I have to focus on what is in front of me and keep moving forward. I miss him and love him but I can't wait for him to get his head out of his a** to figure out that he has just given up the best woman that he ever had. Thanks for listening and all the support that I have received since joining PTO.

Welcome Dixies and LD's I am sorry you need this forum right now believe me I am,I know how it feels :( but there are many people who understand what your going through and are here to support you and care very much

Hello everyone. My name is Nancy. I have been here for about 2 years or so. A lot of you already know my story, so I will give you a brief synopsis.

I met Jason about 4 years ago. I had just had major surgery and my ex had walked out on me and the kids two weeks after I got out of the nursing home. Jason just walked up to me one day, outside, sat next to me and introduced himself. Then he started just hanging out at my house. He got me to get rid of my hospital bed and start doing a little bit. He was really quite inspirational for me. He called me every morning to see how I had slept the night before and he called every night to see if I had taken my meds and if I had eaten, because I am a diabetic and I wouldn't think to eat.

He was on probation at his mom's house. Then he broke probation and took off for another state. He stayed in contact with me. He would call at 3 or 4 in the morning and talk to me for hours. He came back about 6 months later, was doing heroin and living in this rat hole with a friend, and I had him come to my house, but he had to stop heroin. He did. That was a good month for us. But, all good things must end and probation showed up and arrested him. He got sent to state prison this time. He never wanted me involved in the prison system and I had to learn a lot fast(I am very naive). I never dealt with an inmate before. I never even knew one in my whole life. I told him I was a big girl and I would do what the hell I wanted. He was in no position to stop me! I did all kinds of s**t to him at visitation in county. He said he took so much grief because of me:).

He did 20 months and was paroled here. It was all downhill. He started doing drugs and screwing around on me. He never touched me. He called me names and said mean things to me that cut me really bad. I was in counceling dealing with what my ex had done to me, Jason knew everything and threw it right in my face. He destroyed me all over again. He hurt my kids so bad. It hurt worse this time because we loved him so much.

His mom called me and said he had been at his sister's house and he was high on heroin. I called his PO and told him he has to go. He is using again and he is mentally and emotionally abusing me like my ex did. He was suppose to go in to his POs but he took off. He is still out there somewhere. Everytime someone tells me something, I e-mail his PO. He is going to die. He looks like death. His best friend told a another friend of mine that this is the worst she has ever seen him and she has been with him since he was 9. He has Hep C and he is drinking and shooting up. We are preparing ourselves to bury him.

I am so sorry to hear that he turned into someone that you really didn't know when he came home. I am glad that you have informed his PO. That is the only way that he will be saved. Heroin is some bad stuff. I hope that you and your kids are getting back on your feet and doing what you need to do for yourselves. You deserve to have someone who always respects you and your children. Take care of yourself because you have children that need you. Move on and keep looking forward. Good Luck and Take care

Well, as some of you may know I am waynesbabydoll, but he and I just recently reconnected around the first of the year. (:p Yaaayyy!!!! He still loves me :faint: :rock: ) Anyway, my soon-to-be-ex is also incarcarated, but at the Havins State Jail, here, in Brownwood. Our marraige had been in death throes for awhile, I was just desperately trying to keep it alive. My decision to divorce him has nothing to do with his incarcaration, I had decided to tell him I wanted a divorce before he was even picked up on the warrant. He had been heavily into smoking crack, which I discovered, within the first year of our marraige. At that time we lived in Waco, and I worked for TDCJ, at the Woodman State Jail in Gatesville. At first he kept it extremely well hidden from me, but I kept noticing a funny taste to his skin. Unfortunately? this isn't the first time I had experience with "my" man smoking that junk, and you can "taste" it on their skin when you might be preparing to get intimate. For the longest time I wasn't very sure that he actually was smoking, then one night I found the "hard" evidence. Well, we lost apartments, cars, etc., etc., all the things one goes through with an addict.(Not to mention the "millions" of times he left me sitting in Gatesville and here waiting for him to pick me up from work!!!!) He would even tell me about other people he knew that were doing the same if not worse!! I would tell him that doesn't make it right for you to do it!!! He has/had such an immature mentality about being an addict. It's like when a child or teen wants something because everyone else does, my mom would ask me would you jump off a bridge if they did?! Plus, he is so not taking responsibility for his part in the loss of our marriage and my love. He wants to blame me for the whole thing, which I told him if that makes him feel any better that's fine by me. I know I enabled alot of what happened, and I most certainly take responsibility for that. I used to wonder what if I did this or that, maybe he would change, but then I found myself again (I had lost myself in trying to be what I thought a good wife is supposed to be) and realized that he's an adult and no matter how much I want for him to quit and change he has to want it for himself first! So, as of yesterday our divorce is on the way, the ironic thing is the 27th is also our anniversary!!!! (5years). I even got him to go to some counseling with the pastor of the church we joined! After awhile though, even the pastor saw that he wasn't trying. (Oh!!! The reason he's serving state jail time is because he was on probation for forging checks on my mom (Yeah! I stuck by him!!) and didn't do community service, court-ordered counseling, none of it and therefore was revoked!!! We/I had started staying out at mom's after her hubby passed to help her out (and am still there!)) She even let him back in the house after awhile!!!!! So, it's not like he didn't have our support!! Then, we decided to look for a rent house and found one, but was only there for about a month, due to his not helping me with bills and all. I was able to go back to mom's, but she wouldn't let him come back. We thought maybe he would realize what he had and honestly try to get help......but, that didn't work either. Well, I hope my story will help someone else, before it's too late for them!!! I did get one good thing out of this!!! I discovered that I didn't lose Wayne forever!!!!!! :bow: Thank the Creator!!!!

Hello, I am now here because my relationship with my lifer ended in a sudden, cold and impersonal way. I am determined not to let him get the best of me. One day he will realize what he lost. And pray one day I will find a man who is worthy of me.

Hello everyone and I am glad this forum is here.:thumbsup: Ciao.

Thanks Heather;

Well I have been a member for a little while. Well it all started when I was 16 years old, me and Ricky were young and I always loved him and in every term he did I was there fo him. In the summer of 2000 I was pregnant with our first baby girl, he has a son with a girl not worth mentioning, but he was a good father to his son, and when I told him I was pregnant he was happy to hear it but then his baby's mom was always trying to get in the middle and while I was 6 months pregnant she got into his head telling him that if he didn't leave me alone that she would move away with their son, so I stepped out of the relationship, for the sake of his son. I really loved him, and at that point I was considered high risk, well before Ricky got locked up he turned on me and told me that he didn't want to be around our daughter when she was born, he said he wasn't going to loose his son because I got preganant, that devestated me and put me into an emotional wreck and little by little my daughter's life was getting weaker and weaker. I was rushed to the hospital where I was told they couldn't find my baby's heart beat, I thought I was going to die, that day I was scheduled for a procedure to take out my baby and clean my uteris. I got a collect call from Ricky that day I returned from the hospital, I told him in tears that our baby didn't make it he told me that he never wanted that to happen, he regret what he said, his mom was crying and his grandma. I saw his mom the day after I lost my daughter. I didn't want anything to do with him anymore, but my heart was with Ricky so I started writing back to his letters. I told him that I only wanted to be friebnds and that I would help him do his time. I started to see one of my ex boyfriends and we were having problems so I went to Minnesota, and after 2 months out there I found out I was pregnant once again from my boyfriend at that time, the day I told Ricky he flipped out and told me he wanted to work on us but now that I was pregnant he couldn't do it. I told him that was fine but I wasn't going to have an abortion, This baby was my little miracle baby, high risk and all I made it through by myself my son's father is involved with my son part time, and by the time I came back to Cali, Ricky was out and working on things with his baby's mom, so I tried to work things out with my son's father but didn't work out, Rick was back in jail and headed to prison, so I wrote to him as a friend, and my feelings started to come back, I wet for a visit and we said we would work things out. Through out the time he did about 1 year and 3-5 months, and I thought we were being in love and honest with each other but I was wrong while he did his time his baby's mom signed rights over to her mom for their son, slept with a few of his closest friends and became a speed junkie, leaving her son for weeks at a time, and I was there when he found out, and he had a hard time with it because of his son, but I thought I got him through it, I was a good girlfriend, he paroled to my house and the first 2 days were great after that he wouldn't come home, and one day I had to go to work the next day and it was 2 AM and he still wasn't back with my car, so I went to look for it and I found it at a Motel 6. He was there with his Baby's mom, and their son, I went home in my car with the spare keys, I got home got all his stuff tore up all his clothes poured bleach on everything that could be bleached, broke all his stuff and picked up one of my guy friend just incase he gets out of hand, I got to the motel 6 at check out time and she was there and he came downstairs and i called her out but she wouldn't come down, well after all the drama, I went home, and I didn't let myself cry for someone that wasn't worth anything He would call me and say sorry but I will not make the mistake to bring him in my life at any point in my life.

hello my name is Patricia and I have posted many a times on here about my situation. Which isnt as similar as everyone's but obviously in some ways it is, Scott is an inmate.. We have been on a hell of a roller coaster ride for the last year for sure! He is the father of our 6 year old son and just this last year got to meet his son and has finally taken the DNA test last week and has finally acknowledged our son. That is a good thing and a blessing. We made it for 9 months, then it turned very ugly and mean and we totally broke up for 2 to 3 months. As many of you have said, it is hard to let go, I felt so bad walking out when he was in prison. I was the one who started all of our trouble i must say. ( those 10 page angry letters can be mean!) and i got plenty back from him also. Scott has completely changed now. He was moved to a minimum yard, the case that was hanging over his head ( possibility of a lot more time) is gone and dismissed and spiritually he is in such a better place!! I went to visit him 2 weeks ago with our son and he blew me away!! He smiled the whole visit, hugged his son, played with him almost the whole visit and showed me more affection then he had those first 9 months!! i was astounded at the apologies and truths that came out of his mouth!! we have decided that we will use the complete break up as a stepping stone to a new start, and instead of us jumping into to it completely, we are going to learn to be best friends, best parents and then get to where we both want to be eventually which is together... he called last night again and told me that he is so happy with us now, so relaxed, doesnt feel pressured and wants me more then he ever has in the 10 year history we have together.. thinks about me and us all the time and cant wait for our visit in 2 weeks... i was blown away!
Now I am not sure what I want exactly anymore. It takes a hell of a toll to go throught he hell we did and once you have been discarded it takes a lot to open back up and trust enough to give 100% again... it's almost like the tables have turned around and now he is more attached to us then I am in some ways.. I still love Scott, and I could still see us together, but I dont feel that I will die if it doesnt happen and he only comes to visit our son as opposed to us being a complete family. It's in God's hands and I will trust that he will lead me to the right place..

So some stories do end up with a happy note. We still have 12 months to do, as friends for sure and working on the other, but I can say with all honesty that this time, I have absoultely no complaints so far.. As a matter of fact , he is the one that mentioned " interstate compact" to Texas last night!
How cool is that.....
Thanks for listening and I wish all of you the best and may God be with you all on your difficult journeys through all of this prison stuff...:)
Sincerely, Patricia

I am so behind on all the new intros. But I just wanted to welcome you all here. THank you for sharing your stories with us.

Tomorrow will be a better day :)

Heather

Hello
I Go By The Name Of Babygirl And My Ex If You Can Call Him That Is Flaco. I Have Been Away Since Feb. Of This Year. Today Is My First Day Back And Checking Out All The Little Chainges And I Came Accross This Forem. I Am Really Glad It Is Hear. As Far As My Break Up With Flaco We Have Not Officeilly Broken Up But I Have Not Spoken To Him Since November. It Is A Little Complicated But Soon I Will Tell The Hole Story. I Just Wanted To Say Hello And Say I Am Glad To Be Back.

Welcome back Babygirl.I'm glad you found this forum and that you are back

Well, hugs to everyone. My name is Deborah. You can call me Borah for short. I'm 20 years old and I have a loved one incarcerated. My boyfriend. Well we made an agreement that we will be "friends" whenever he left me alone here on this earth by myself. He has only been gone for a short period of time but still... He left me here about seven moths ago. The sad thing about it is that the day he left I was right there. I mean we were sitting in the living room watching television and he went to the restroom. Before he could come back out the restroom they were already there waiting on him. My baby couldn't do anything but stare. His two little nephews who are so addorable ran up to me and asked why they were taking their uncle away. He is only 22 years old. Very young. In my eyes still a baby. I miss him like crazy and I feel like I can't deal with it anymore. I'm glad I found this website because I have been looking so hard to find people I could talk to about my situation. I'm am on here everyday whenever I can just to talk about him. People dont understand how bad I need him here. He is dearly missed. Thanks guys!:(

Hi everyone My name is De Anna,
I dont know where or how to start so I guess I will start at my last happy memory with my x husband. My x husband and I had a wonderful life everyone called us the preppy yuppy couple. We have four children Derek 13, Cortny12, Dustin 8, and Tylor 5. We had fun with our friends like normal people. When we had just the first two children we would always be on the go. Going out and having fun. Then we had Dustin and he was very sick so alot of our fun stopped it was now time to be serious. Things were going great though. Then we got pregnant with our last son Tylor. Thats when things changed with my X. I was controlled for the first time in my life. I had to report when I was coming home, if I was doing over time, how long I would be at the market, and he always had me doing the errands. He even started beating me, mentally abusing me, I should have left then but stayed due to my children. I never knew what all this was about. Until two years later. August of 2003 my daughter who was then 10 was acting like a 5 year old. I knew something was wrong. So I took her on a girls night out. Well this was the start of a hard journey. She told me her dad had been molesting her. I did what was right I turned him in, got restraining orders and got a divorce. He admitted in booking that all the control issues and the beating me and hurting me was to proove to the children that he could control and hurt me and would do worse if they opened their mouths. He had only admitted to molesting my daughter but it was found out through counseling that it was all four children, all four, how could I not see what was going on.
Well He is now serving a sentence of 20 years which he has to do 85%. I believe I have gotten over the relationship even though there was no closure. But it still hurts Im still haunted by all this. And somewhere deep inside I still care about him. WHY? After all he did to us why do I still care? I have told our children if they choose to go visit we have to go to the courts to get permission, there is a restraining order, and I will gladly take them up there. After all that is their natural father, the man I LOVED for 12.5 years of my life.

Just to let all you know I have moved on even though I still am haunted by this sense of care and love for this person who hurt my children.
I am now engaged to a man who is serving time as well. His crime was nothing too serious. He wants to adopt our children and raise them as His. He loves us all and his family does as well. They have accepted us as part of them.

Will the pain of my x husband ever leave? will the non closure effect my Love always? Why do I still care what happens to him....I feel sick inside for caring!

Thank you for listening

Welcome Angel (((HUGS))))

I have been here going to write this about 10 times this week. But, oh yeah......its over. Brad and I met as pen pals about a year ago and I never would have thought we would fall in love. I mean I am a pretty level headed woman, but we just clicked.

Ok, the beginning of the end. About 2mos ago he began being very judgemental and critical of me. I have worked as a CNA/caregiver for the last @ 8yrs, I work with terminally AIDS and cancer patients and have the last couple years I have been suffering from extreme depression. I mean I have had patients die in my arms! Well, I have been working less and less, I just cannot do it anymore, it takes to much out of me and I end up having nothing left for my son and my family much less myself. I told Brad all of this and he responded with that he did not respect my work ethics. As Homer Simpson puts it..... DOH! Then he turned right around and asked me to send him a "sexy" letter! Ummmmmmmm, NO.
I would not be respecting myself if I was to just go "oh, ok sugar". I have been over and over my feelings on this and I have wrote Brad explaining my feelings and that I felt he was wayyyyyy out of line and owed me an apology and his response was "NO". I just cannot be intimate, in any way with someone who does not respect me.

His crime, which was high profile, (he was sentenced to 25-life), although I have never understood his choices or reasons for it, I have never judged him or said a bad word against him and I just cannot believe he feels he has the the place to judge me. So I am ending it. I will never feel the same for him or be able to be as open with him again.

Would love to hear from you ladies on this, I need support, suggestions, opinions....

Christina

Hi everyone My name is De Anna,
I dont know where or how to start so I guess I will start at my last happy memory with my x husband. My x husband and I had a wonderful life everyone called us the preppy yuppy couple. We have four children Derek 13, Cortny12, Dustin 8, and Tylor 5. We had fun with our friends like normal people. When we had just the first two children we would always be on the go. Going out and having fun. Then we had Dustin and he was very sick so alot of our fun stopped it was now time to be serious. Things were going great though. Then we got pregnant with our last son Tylor. Thats when things changed with my X. I was controlled for the first time in my life. I had to report when I was coming home, if I was doing over time, how long I would be at the market, and he always had me doing the errands. He even started beating me, mentally abusing me, I should have left then but stayed due to my children. I never knew what all this was about. Until two years later. August of 2003 my daughter who was then 10 was acting like a 5 year old. I knew something was wrong. So I took her on a girls night out. Well this was the start of a hard journey. She told me her dad had been molesting her. I did what was right I turned him in, got restraining orders and got a divorce. He admitted in booking that all the control issues and the beating me and hurting me was to proove to the children that he could control and hurt me and would do worse if they opened their mouths. He had only admitted to molesting my daughter but it was found out through counseling that it was all four children, all four, how could I not see what was going on.
Well He is now serving a sentence of 20 years which he has to do 85%. I believe I have gotten over the relationship even though there was no closure. But it still hurts Im still haunted by all this. And somewhere deep inside I still care about him. WHY? After all he did to us why do I still care? I have told our children if they choose to go visit we have to go to the courts to get permission, there is a restraining order, and I will gladly take them up there. After all that is their natural father, the man I LOVED for 12.5 years of my life.

Just to let all you know I have moved on even though I still am haunted by this sense of care and love for this person who hurt my children.
I am now engaged to a man who is serving time as well. His crime was nothing too serious. He wants to adopt our children and raise them as His. He loves us all and his family does as well. They have accepted us as part of them.

Will the pain of my x husband ever leave? will the non closure effect my Love always? Why do I still care what happens to him....I feel sick inside for caring!

Thank you for listening

You are a strong, amazing woman! I don't know that I could grapple with all you have as eloquently as you have.

(((hugs))) Crst
I am sorry your going through this but completely understand why you can not be with someone who shows little respect to you
We are here if you want to talk

(((hugs))) Crst
I am sorry your going through this but completely understand why you can not be with someone who shows little respect to you
We are here if you want to talk


I felt the hugs! Thank you. I wote him explaining how I feel and why and that I would always be here for him as a friend and I still have not received a response. I kinda don't expect I will get one. OUCH.

Hey, everyone!

I've qualified for this forum for awhile now, but it took me awhile to make my way over and say so.

So, hi! :)

Hey, everyone!

I've qualified for this forum for awhile now, but it took me awhile to make my way over and say so.

So, hi! :)


Oh dang it girl! Not another couple breaking up :( I am so sorry to hear this but know there are many here who understand you and lots of support and love (((HUGS)))

Thanks for the hugs! It's okay, though. Things aren't ugly between us. I just started doubting a lot of things and feeling like maybe I shouldn't be making promises for something 6 years from now. I mean, really, how can I know where I'll be then? I don't want to miss out on something.

But I'm still here for him. We've cut way back... he's calling twice a week and I'm still going up there about once a month. Of course he thinks he'll win me back one of these days, but for now, we're playing friends. :)

I think this forum is a great idea, and a good way to get to know a small portion of the pain others are feeling... that said.. here's my story.


James was my world.. my everything. I was with him for quite a while before he went in (again), he was a "career prisoner". He had done a total of 15 years over many trips to prison. I decided to take him for what he was, and take his word that he wouldn't go back. He did.. needless to say. I decided that I loved this man, and wanted to spend my life with him.. so I stood by his side. James gets out January 6th, and we are no longer the loving, caring pair that we were. He started getting very controling, needing to know EVERY detail of my life.. asking who gave me permission to goto the store, and asking me to cut off my friends and family. My world was crubling and I Wasn't stopping it. I watched it fall.. watched the pain come in flows. To make a long story short... he eventually told me that I was worthless.. that I would never amout to anything, and I better get my shit straight. I let him talk to me like that.. and figured he was going through some things I couldn't understand... until one day he told me that if he couldn't have me, no one else would either.. and threatened my life.. I ended the relationship with a dear john letter asking him not to write, call, or come home because this wasn't his home. He ended up calling a cousin.. use your imagination.. and now I have a 24/7 watch unit at my home.. thank god his cousin and I are on good terms and he told me about the request.

I was called by James' anger management coach and asked to come to a session.. boy was that stupid. I fed into everything.. I thought the man across the table was opening up and sharing things.. letting his emotions out, when in actuallity, he was saying what he knew I wanted to hear. The threats have started again, and I am done. Eventually, I grew a fully functioning brain and realized that this was a very DISFUNCTIONAL relationship. I am now single, and the watch unit brings me and my son orange juice and dougnuts everymorning.. :)

Nicole

Hi all,
I met Anthony through a friend of mine who was pen paling his brother, I saw how she was so excited and happy about writing to him I said I want a pen pal too. I never expected that I would fall for this person and hard. After writing each other for about a month, I wanted to meet him, by that time she was already past the writing stage and was visiting his brother. Since they were both in the same county facility we went together. I was soo nervous the first time I met him but we clicked hard. I was visiting him every week and we were writing each other all the time about 6 months later he was sent upstate. After another 6 months of visiting upstate, I started doing everything I could to try and make his time a little easier. I didn't think he deserved the 5 years he got and he was still a juvie but he got an adult sentence, because he told the counselor that he was a crip. (I don't know why he would do that)
His older sister was a bully and didn't like me for some reason, though I was doing very well for her brother. It got so bad one time I told him that if she calls me one more time with any bs it was over. He talked to her and she left me alone, but still told stuff to my friend behind my back.
After 2 years, one day in my building elevator I met a neighbor of mine, we started just being friends and chillin watching tv and talking on the phone. Neither of us was looking for a relationship, he had just got out of a bad one and was taking time to himself. After 6 months we realized we wanted to be together, throughout the whole time I kept it real with Anthony I told him when we met, how we were hanging together and when we decided we would be together. Finally I told him I couldn't write anymore because after 8 months we decided we were moving in together and we were engaged. He said he understood, I sent him a package and put some money in his comm and told him to call me when he got out so we could just hang and go over all we been through together. I thought we would be tight, but when he got home he totally flipped on me. His sister called talking all sorts of bs, and he got on the phone and co-signed her bull. I was hurt that the friendship I thought we had was nothing. After I cursed them both out and told them do not call me again, a couple weeks later he calls me talking about do I love him and that he loves me and misses me. I know his sister is very controlling and he was living with her when he came home and thats why he was on her side, she was mad because I din't tell her about being with someone else, she found out from him later and then tried to make him think I abandoned him. My thing is that he knew better, I told him not to call me ever again. Now he sends messages through my friend who still talks to his brother who recently got out only on a friendly basis. Because she had a kid with another guy and didn't even tell him, its funny they have the friendship I thought we would have. Especially since I kept it totally real with him. I love my fiance and am very happy about our upcoming union, but sometimes I am angry because I felt like 3 years I was being used. Thanks for listening to my long story

Well, here I go! This is so tough! Brandon & I have one son together we call him D-bo. Things have always been so good with us. He was wrongfully convicted of his crime which I am is part of the reason I have felt so bad for ending things. I do love him and thought we would be together forever. He has been in 5 years, the past year & 1/2 or so has been the hardest. His Grandmother was calling me telling me that he did do the crime and was telling me to call this detective and that one, I would just get my facts on paper and throw them back at her although I started doubting everything. He got to where he was always asking me to send him more and more money. Last December our son was in the hospital for about a month and half, it was hard. B and I weren't able to talk everyday and all I heard from him was the money I needed to send. So I stopped writing him, stopped taking calls then I started getting letters and cards saying how he knew how wrong he was and all. I started talking to him again and told him I needed to feel secure in our relationship, Oh he knew and was doing all he could etc and etc! Well for several months things were great! Then he starts on this money trip again asking for money everytime we talked on the phone which was daily even though I explained how hard things were money wise. He would tell me how his cellies/friends would tell him he should treat me better for all I do and being there with him all this time, he says he knows but never changes. Several times I have broken down on the phone with him telling him that things needed to change or I just couldn't stay, I need him to be here for me. He said he would but the only thing he did was contiinue NOT to write, he'd only call sometimes nothing like before, it used to be everyday. He lost his one job and I got another job so I could send him money I found out about 3 weeks ago he got another job right after he lost the other one but he never bothered sharing that with me. He says he tries to call but he doesn't because I'm here and if I'm away I'd still see it on the caller id. He just doesn't do anything! No calls no letters and he gets mad if I say i can't afford to get a hotel to come up there to see him. Our son had an infusion this past week and he didn't even call. He told me a week before x-mas that he was going to send me a letter out, I still haven't gotten anything. I wrote him last week and told him that it was obvious to me that he had let go and I was going on with life. I never got a response! Then the other day I had a situation come up and I had to talk to him, he said he wanted me back but I told him actions speal louder than words. I just feel crushed! I'm hurt but I'm hiding it. I wanted so bad to get through this time... we were on the down slope of the big. He's done... we've done 5 years and there were 2 more to go. I know that with no one to go to, he will have no home plan, he probably won't get parole. I feel bad for him and it breaks my heart but I can't allow him to use me and that is what I think. It wouldn't take much to prove other wise but he chose this. Well that's about it. I'm glad I have a place to go where others know how it is.

yeah me and my man broke up and now im here too he was so amazing and now hes a goner but its his loss now not mine

Hi,

I have been seriously thinking about ending it with my husband because I find myself in a vicious cycle of being with people who are unavailable and just longing and hoping but never attaining. He was in for years before I met him. Then out for a while. We met at church. I was driving the church bus and I picked him up at the treatment center. That should have been my first clue huh? We got married...he was in trouble with crack again, went back in and did 90 days in prison immediately. Then we were together for a year then he went back in for nearly 10 years. We have done 3 years together. I am so tired of being alone all the time and really do wonder...what if I wait for him and he gets out and then goes back. This is his pattern. Get out for a bout a year and go back. He did it for 3, then 6, and now 9 and a half. Sometimes I guess what am I waiting for more heartache. I had an emotionally unavailble alcoholic husband the first time around for 14 years...father of my kids(not incarcerated, but nonetheless unavailable). What I'm saying is that I see a pattern that I am repeating not just the alcoholic or drug addicted person I am with. My mom was not close to me at all...she was not emotionally unavailable either. I want to break this cycle but not sure how. Thinking about going to counseling. Love my husband dearly but learning to love myself even more. Wow...did I say that? That's progress. God Bless!

Hello everyone. I've been a member here since February 2006. My boyfriend and I would have been together a year in June. He went to jail in April of last year. The night we had our first "date" was the night he needed up getting arrested. I was with someone else at the time so at first I just figured he was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. He even though I was still with my ex at the time, I kept thinking about him, wondering "what if" and sort of blaming myself for his incarceration. Then, I decided to write him a letter. I was still at this time with my ex, whom I was scared to death of but I wrote the letter anyway. I still remember it was May 2, I wrote the letter and gave it to my mom to mail. I got back to my apartment that day and my ex freaked out on me and beat me in the front yard and ended up going to jail. During the 20 days he spent in jail, I moved out and on with my life.
I began writing my boyfriend and hooked up in June. I knew we had a long haul in front of us, but I thought needed him. Over the next 7 months in the county jail, his family left me in the dark about his case, told people (his EX) I wasn't who I really was to him and always feeling second best to his ex. He started writing his ex and didn't tell me and wanted his ex to start visiting him and he'd always accuse me of getting back on drugs and doing all this stuff. We had a falling out while he was in RDC.
While we where apart I started writing a pen pal or two. Just to make friends nothing more. When my boyfriend started calling again, I told him up front that I had pen pals. At first he was like that's fine bacause he too was still writing his ex. We had our first contact visit is almost a year on March 9, 2006. After that he stopped writing and calling. Then almost a month after our visit, I get a letter telling me that my pen pals do bother him and that he had to let me go.
I know it sounds like this mostly my fault for our break up. But in my defence I was always up front and honest with him about everything I did. He got 3 to 4 letters a week from me and even after I had pen pals, that never changed. Maybe we were expecting too much. Sorry I'm so long winded. But we had a weird ride from day one.

Hi everyone!

First let me introduce myself, I used to be a member of pto a while ago but my computer broke down and I was strapped for cash and couldnt get a knew one until now... Anyway i said that because i have missed this place so much, I felt so alone for a long time, my nick name Is Deedee, and I have been with my husband for 10yrs +, but I think our relationship has come to an end and i am so hurt, the lastime I saw my husband was 2 weeks ago and it was a horrible visit, we didnt kiss or hug eachother good bye, it was like we were just strangers to eachother, i didnt go last week, i just didnt want to call me and he hasnt called me since the last visit.

I feel as though he turned his back on me when I need him the most, I just was diagnosed with uterine cancer and I cant have childern, I dont have any and I want childern badly, I can't believe this is happening to me it feels like a nightmare, I cant believe I have to go thru this alone. I just cant understand, please can someone give me some advice:cry:

Hi Ant's wife,

Don't think it's over yet. I have probably broken up with my husband at least 1,000 times. It may not be over. I am hurt to hear of the tragedy of cancer. But there is ALWAYS hope. Pray for healing! But you may also think of adoption. There are many ways to do that. Your spouse may be the kind who does not know how to handle your pain let alone his own feelings. I am a very emotional person whereas my husband has very little if any empathy. Unfortunately that's just how he is wired. I am not making light of your situation at all. Just wanting to let you know it may not be the end. Do you have some support group who can go through this with you. I mean a best friend or family member. It's crucial when your husband is not there. I don't know where I'd be without my two best friends. They are family to me. I sure will pray for you Ant's wife and please let us know what happens. I have often thought it was the end of the road only to reunite with my husband and actually become stronger. Rely on God...I know it looks bleek but he loves you so much and wants you to turn to HIM. He'll be there for you even in the darkest hours. He's still there for me and I've been mad at him for years about my situation...being alone. I quit being mad though and started getting close to HIM again. God Bless! I pray for only the best for you! It will get better okay? Adios!

Michelle

Thank you so much Michelle for your words of encouragement, u dont know how much it means to me to hear your positive outlook. I have my mom, but infortunately she is ill as well so I dont want to stress or burden her with my troubles. Honestly, I feel isolated, and alone. I have two friends that I told amd they both broke down crying, I'm trying to reach out to them but its hard for me because I am still in shock and i feel as if I am in a never ending nightmare, I try to pray, but it doesnt seem genuine because I am so angry inside. I have thought of adoption and I know there are so many children out in this world that need a good home and a mommy and daddy who love them unconditionally, but at the same time I feel robbed because I will never know what it is to have a baby of my own. I hope it doesnt sound stupid but its how I feel. I need my husband to just support me, to be my friend, but instead he turns his back! I too am very emotional and he now more than ever is very cold and distant, he doesnt really express his feeling like i do, he says I'm a superwoman, I'm not, i'm only human, and I am so hurt, I wont be going up to see him this weekend as well, I just feel like i'm always chasing after him, i just want to have some peace of mind, u know!:cry:

hey all. well im new to this forum on PTO, and i never would have thought i would find myself here in this forum. Though my fiance, Deont'e, and I have no yet seperated, i feel our relationship coming to an abrupt end. I havent heard from him in weeks, and lately it seems to me like i dont have him there at all. I constantly think about how im so in love, then question myself, am i really in love? because it doesnt feel like it. I don't know if its something i did, or said, or if he's just decideing to seperate himself from the people who care for him on the outside. Hes mentioned that before. I can't take it anymore though, i know that for sure. Having him not here physically is bad enough, but now even emotionally. I have nothing. Im not happy anymore, but i dont want to let him go. I feel like im holding onto nothing. I'm confused, not knowing what to do, and I'm trying to smile, and move on, but it seems so impossible. I guess i'll start mingling on the forums with all the other people who are going through the heartbreaks and devasations of loosing their loved one.

god bless.

Hi lovinmybay, Have you tried writting him and asking him how he feels? I myself, when going through something difficult, I tend to issolate and not talk to anyone. Pray for your situation and God will reveal what is going on in his time. I will pray for you as well. Last night I woke up thinking of all the times my husband took off for days doping. It hurt me so much. So I know how it feels in a way. I am afraid sometimes that he may go back to it. He is doing time now, but we do not know how long. He makes a lot of promises and says he loves me. Does your fiance write you. I would just write him and tell him how you feel - deep from your heart. Take it from there. God Bless.

Well... I guess I made a go at it and his heart wasn't in it. Next week would have been a year for us- he has been back in since Thanksgiving. My now friend and I officially called things off in a phone call a little over a week ago. I have not gone over a week without a letter or longer than two weeks without a visit since January- I am missing him dearly. No letter in nearing 3 weeks, and I am just trying to wait and be patient. I know he needs my friendship, but I feel myself holding on and wanting more- this is one of the hardest things I've ever been through- absolutely no closure at this point.
So I am looking forward to reading what you all have to say and taking this is a learning opportunity.

Met my my loved one (ex-boyfriend) in October of 2000. He had just been released from prison and had a new outlook on life. Got my number from a friend and gave me a call. Asked me on a date. At the time, I was very naive and and was living in a sterotypical labeling mode when it came to inmates and the ex-convicted. I figured anyone who had been in prison was a very bad person. I don't know what it was but I decided to give this guy a chance and to my surprise ended up meeting one of the most kindest souls I have ever encountered so far in my life. Fast forward to the year of 2007 and after many ups and downs due to his drug addiction I can still proudly say that I think that Dave is one of the best people I have ever met. Meeting him has changed my life in many ways and has opened my eyes to a whole new world. A world that is viewed with an open-mind and compassion for others. I became a member of PTO in 2003 after my ex-boyfriend of five years was arrested for substance abuse charges. He was sentenced to serve 18 months at Solano State Prison. During that time I relied on PTO to give me the strength and support I needed when I had no one to turn to. He has since been released and has returned to serve an additional three years at the California Correctional Center due to his addiction to heroin. We are no longer in a committed relationship but still communicate and remain close friends. I have compassion for everyone who have been affected by the prison system or who has a loved one who's life has been taken over by an addiction. I have first hand experience in just how hard this time in one's life can be, but also know that growth and strength can occur as a result of the this experience.

Ok, real quick, we met in 2002 dated for ayear, got married in 2003 and he went in Aug 2003., drugs have always played a part, used to be meth., he came home July of 2006, we worked things out(we had divorced in April 2006 mutual agreement for other reasons) he moved home, but the drug use came back. This time crack cocaine. I've been hanging on, he kept saying he was going to get help. But this past week things got bad.

I called his PO and talked to him about a few things, no I didn't "turn him in", his PO was looking for him already. I hope the things I said help him, maybe get him into rehab, he's never been.

But I am drowning with him so I need to move on.

So! There ya go!

So I knew things were over when I walked out of our visit last weekend, but I guess I got his confirmation that it was over too when his brother called me this morning asking if I could hold on to his stuff until he got home or if he preferred that he picked it up. We made arrangements for him to pick up his stuff this coming Monday.

A little history,.... we've been together since 03/05. He went in 02/07 for a parole violation - 4 months, he'll be home early June. Everything was fine, we'd write all the time, I would visit. Whatever he asked of me I did, money, newspaper subscription, calling his daughter to check on her etc. We were even in the process of planning our wedding for the week after he was released.

Then the letters stopped abruptly. I received a letter from him every other day faithfully since he left. 7 days passed and nothing. I was worried at first, but then 14 days had passed and nothing, no letter, no call, no word. He had just been transferred to another facility that was now 3 hours away from me. So after not hearing from him for almost 3 weeks I knew something was up, so I went to go see him.

I was nervous, didn't know what to expect. When he came out he smiled and blew me a kiss. He walked over to turn in his id and then walked over to me. We hugged and I immediately asked why he stopped writing. He sat down and preceded to tell me he heard I had been seeing my ex again (the father of my children)! That was the last thing I thought I would hear especially being so far from the truth.

I was sorta speechless, disappointed! Didn't this man know by now how much I was in love with him especially from all the things I had done for him since he's been down? I told him it was not true, but he said he heard from one of my friend's ol' man. I was in tears at our visit. How could he questioned my loyalty. My heart had just been broken, I didn't have it in me to soothe him until he felt secure about me. I felt like if we had a solid relationshiop one that was going to be as husband and wife that he should believe me over anyone. 15 minutes had passed and I was still in tears and then those words came out of his mouth. He called his ex-girlfriend, time had stopped at that moment. I asked why and all he could say was what was I suppose to do. Excuse me? What? There was a lot more you could have done stupid. And to make that call without even talking to me about what he heard, I was beyond pissed. After a 3 hour drive, an hour of visitor processing and only 20 minutes into our 5 hour visit I got up and told the CO I was done with my visit. I cried all the way home!

It's been 7 days, long days, of confusion, hurt, anger, disbelief, and sadness. I haven't written and neither has he, so I'm assuming he's staying with his ex.

I am so heartbroken because I was/am in love with this man and thought he was in love with me but his actions show otherwise. It was too easy to walk into the arms of other, right? True love doesn't do that. I still don't get it!

Thanks for listening.

:broken: It is a very hard thing to face what you are going through, but unfortunately for some of us that's just the way it is. It's very sad. I've found with my ex, he will do whatever is to his benefit, and calling an ex is one of them. He is looking for a way back in with whomever he can get it with. I realize that it is no reflection on me, he will go where the road is easier, and where the benefits, he thinks, may be better! I think it is just part of that personality. See it for what it is, and just accept it. It's not your fault. Like I said, it's just the way it is. I know it's hard to move on. I've had a very difficult time with accepting that he doesn't feel the same things I have felt. Especially when he has always said that he loves me more than anyone in his life. Love is not supposed to hurt, but for the most part, that is what I have felt, HURT. I tell myself everyday that I deserve so much more, and I do. Each day gets a little easier. I feel the pain ease a little more as the days and weeks and months go by. I'll get there, and so will you. Just take one day at a time. Give yourself time to heal. Your heart is the hardest thing to heal, but it does. :heart:

Hi! I'm Angel and I'm new to this forum. I'm going through this right now and it's my fault I think?! I met Ray a little over 8 yrs ago. He was my neighbor! I was in my first marriage of 10 yrs and it was bad. Ray took care of me and 3 kids when my husband wouldn't. Ray made sure they had Christmas and babysat them when I couldn't get off work in time. He even read them bedtime stories. I never thought twice about him ever hurting them. He went to prison for kicking a door in on his gf and her gf. His gf told me all these things about him but I didn't know whether to believe her or if she was bitter because she was always jealous for what Ray did for me and the kids. While Ray was away I wrote him a letter telling him about what had happened between me and my husband @ the time. Ray was in a half way house with 2 months to go till he could come home. After I told him what I did he left the halfway house and broke into a family members home and stole their vehicle to come make sure the kids and I were ok.
Thank God my husband had already left us by the time he got there. A week later I was arrested for helping him escape even though I didn't. Ray got word and immediately jumped on the phone and told them he was coming if they'd let me go. He jumped into my family member's vehicle and came for me like a knight in shining armor he was always saving me. He went back to prison this time for 40? yrs. for going into the family members home and taking the vehicle. Our relationship was going good when he just stopped writing. I hadn't heard from him for almost a year. I started dating and I got pregnant. I didn't know I was pregnant when I finally heard from Ray saying he was sorry & he wanted to marry me. I of course said yes and broke it off with the guy I was dating. I found out I was pregnant a week after we were married. He was furious but stood by me. To make a very long story short we broke up 5 times during the last 3 yrs. Sometimes him and sometimes me but this time I think it's over for sure. I screwed up. I have a problem with stepfathers. I was molested by 3. One day I was visiting with the kids and someone told my mother that they though Ray was a pedafile. Instead of confronting him by what the inmate had said I blew up and told him it was over. I couldn't take that chance! I burnt everything that reminded me of us. I know for a fact that Ray is a sex addict so this didn't help all the thoughts racing through my mind. I blew up before I even questioned my kids. I did eventually question them they all said he had never made them feel uncomfortable. I questioned it because when my oldest daughter chose not to come visit Ray would get so angry. I also questioned it because a few years back my kids' father had showed back up and my oldest daughter told me she felt weird around Ray. Then 2 weeks later she said she didn't. I was so confused. Ray had been alone with my children when they were small and never done nothing to them. The last time I spoke to Ray was that day that the inmate made the accusation. That was 4 months ago and regardless of how many times I write he won't write back. I love this man and pray to god I was wrong but if I'm wrong why didn't he write/call and defend himself? I don't want to lose him if he's done nothing wrong or never thought that way but how do I know?
If I don't hear anything by February I'm filing for divorce. That kills me to even think about it but what is the use of holding on if I don't know. I need answers and he's not giving any! Thanks for listening to my screwed up mess! Any ideas or advice would be great!

:broken: It is a very hard thing to face what you are going through, but unfortunately for some of us that's just the way it is. It's very sad. I've found with my ex, he will do whatever is to his benefit, and calling an ex is one of them. He is looking for a way back in with whomever he can get it with. I realize that it is no reflection on me, he will go where the road is easier, and where the benefits, he thinks, may be better! I think it is just part of that personality. See it for what it is, and just accept it. It's not your fault. Like I said, it's just the way it is. I know it's hard to move on. I've had a very difficult time with accepting that he doesn't feel the same things I have felt. Especially when he has always said that he loves me more than anyone in his life. Love is not supposed to hurt, but for the most part, that is what I have felt, HURT. I tell myself everyday that I deserve so much more, and I do. Each day gets a little easier. I feel the pain ease a little more as the days and weeks and months go by. I'll get there, and so will you. Just take one day at a time. Give yourself time to heal. Your heart is the hardest thing to heal, but it does. :heart:
I admire your strength, I hope one day I can be as strong as you

My name is Nickole my sons father and i were togehter for 8 years i ahd hopes that he would change and we would live happy ever after. i didnt think i was unreasonable in my requests after all he cam home from the jail the first time and started using again so i wanted him to prove himself. long story short he felt i was being unfair i guess and started writing another woman in july he said we were over, but still kept giving me hope this past week i recieved a letter that he sent me from his current gf who he plans to live with once he gets out. i felt like he was stringing me along now im angry and hurt but i just mostly want to heal i cant rid him comepletely we have a child but i need to be better any suggestions are certainly welcome.