Thought I'd post a poll in case anyone isnt comfortable with discussing their answers.If you are please feel free to tell us what helped you in the past or is helping you through the break up.

It's multiple choice so we can pick more then one if necessary!


I picked medication,crying and talking about it.
I started taking an anti depressant again after a while with out one to help me function better.I know it can't heal a broken heart but if it can help me function a little better then it will be worth it! Crying helps to get it all out and talking about it (mainly here) is a good outlet as well.I do also have a therapy session scheduled for next week so we will see how that goes.
I won't lie I wanted to say none of the above because I don't see how I am going to get over this but I know in my heart the little steps I am taking will help in the long run!

You sound so sad tonight honey. I am sorry that you are going through such a rough time. It has been a long time since I have been in that situation but I remember it felt like a part of my body was gone and it felt like my heart was going to fall right out. My situation was a little different in the fact that I was not strong enough to stay away from him, as it was my choice and I knew he was not good for me. I just felt like I could not live without him, even with his drugs and alcohol, so I just kept going back. I got pregnant and we got married for all of the wrong reasons. I always loved him, but he didn't really love me. We stayed together for 22 years before I finally said enough, I should never have forced the issue. I am so sorry it hurts, but just please be strong, you will be happy again, I promise. You are such a good person and you are not alone sweetie. I will tell you that prayer really does work. I prayed for someone that would be good to me and love me and I did get an answer to my prayer. I just wish I would have had more confidence in me and faith in God, it would have saved me a lot of pain and sorrow.

Cali about four years ago I was on Anti depressant because of a relationship that just would not work out.. My kids father (not Louis) I took the medcation for all most year. It helped out alot for the emotional parts but it numbed me to other things that turned out not to be so good for my girls.. I stay busy as I can.. I read and talk to Princess alot.. I started to redo my house.. Cali I really hope that you find what you need to heal.. can I ask a question? Do you still have contact with Him?

Cali- the therapy will work. Just give it a chance and don't expect immediate results. Therapy takes awhile. I have been in therapy for almost 5 years now. I have a great therapist. Sometimes I even see tears in her eyes, she can't believe what I have been thru and how I manage to cope all these years. Obviously I didn't manage to well or I wouldn't be a case now;). I am also on several meds. But they don't numb me. I won't take them if they do. I refuse to not be able to feel. Even as excruciating as this pain is, I know that I loved that deeply, and that is a blessing to have loved like that.

God has been my mainstay. I know He won't let go of me and I feel safe allowing whatever to happen. Jason's mom got me through this. I believe God sent her as his messenger, because the things this woman taught me gave me the material I needed to think this all out and the ability to actually understand. Knowing the whys is a Godsend. I can step back and see that this was bound to happen, it wasn't anyones fault per say, he's an addict.

Coming in here and my friends I have, are all a part of a big circle that has kept me going.

I thank God for the years of counceling and the strength He gave me to say "I am not going to take this" and called his PO. He had a choice and he made it and now he has to live with it and himself. I think my biggest thing besides the pain, is the sadness and disappointment that he didn't care enough about himself to try. That he didn't have the strength to fight for himself.

Something just clicked in me this time...guess I had finally had enough of CHOOSING to live HIS life with him....I finally realized that only I can determine how/when my life would/could change. Time has definitely helped ease some of the hurt...it was a long time coming. My son AJ motivated me to help myself.

Caif sunshine you seem like a great lady.........i feek for you on your loss but life goes on if it didnt then why live?my heart goes out to you as a male..........may love find you for real.no exes or sexeses,good luck my friend '

I chose talking about it...because here I am all these years later STILL needing to talk about it.
Raina

I also chose talking about it. I do feel like that is the best thing that I am doing right now. The more I talk about it the better I seem to feel, and that is most defiantely what I want.

HUGS

Mel

I chose talking about it and staying busy, with my recent move i dont have time to dwell. I have only broken down 1 time in the past week, after i got in my new apt. looked around and it was all me and my stuff, it was like a biiiiig slap in the face.

I Like To Keep Myself Busy, Although, I Must Admit, That Sometimes That Doesn't Work. Also, My Rugrat Keeps My Mind Occupied When I Have Him With Me, Boy Does He Ever!

Mine is a little differnt than yours I got out of the realtionship. But what helped me get through it all was, God foucsing on God and trusting it all to Him reading words from the Bible that helped comfort me and know God has controll. Also talking to people on here, crying and i did go to therapy a couple of times before the break up but by the time I spilt with Mike I was foucsing on God to help me through it all and PTO friends.
I wish you all the comfort Cali, I am so sorry to hear he left you like this. I really am and if you need to talk let me know you were there for me through sometimes (former name was Misinmike got it changed when i wasn't missing him anymore) Keeep your head up sweetie and look to God.
Love and Hugs
BRandi

:angry: hi ya'll..

Just got back into town and i logged on and saw the new forum!! Finally... yeahhhh
Cali, hi girl! I am totally with you as youknow I am also going through the same thing sweetie. I have ot tell you I have bad days, really bad days, somewhat better days and I have had maybe 1 or 2 good days. Today is a bad day. It is Easter Sunday and Scott didnt send our son a card, a letter, call or anything. When I got back intot own last night the first thing I did was check the mailbox and wow, nothing from him!! I have gotten 3 more bitch me out letters since the one telling me to move on! One says that after he finds out the outcome of the new case, if all goes well he wants to resume the relationship, the next one says that he doesnt want to jump into a relationship when he gets out, the last one says that "IF i WANT TO SALVAGE ANYTHING OF WHAT WE HAVE" i had better stop saying mean things?????? I have not written Scott since last monday ( 13 days exactly) 2 weeks ago. I was surprised to get any mail at all since I got the youneed to move on letter... I am also at the same point as othwers, I cant's believe that he isnt trying to call me, that by this weekend he figured out that I havent written anymore and , I was really depressed last night after checking the mail box. It surely must be an ego thing, as someone else pointed out. No one wants to think that they are so easily forgotten and that they are going on with their lives and we are here crying our hearts out over it, rehashing it all, trying to figure out where it went wrong and not getting any closure. Women need closure! for men, they say " it's over" and that's closure enough for them. You also think ( well I sure do) that he will realize he mieesed up the best thing he ever had, the only one who was there for him while he is down, the only one who always came through!!! He must think about that somewhat????? I tell you what ladies! it's hard as hell!! because we put so much of ourselves in being there for them, then it's basically thrown back in our faces... and that hurts!! my situation is worse, as we have a 6 year old son together, so I am going to have to face him and deal with him when he soes get out... plus I have to try to answer our sons questions about why we cant go see his Dad anymore and so on... I cant for the life of me figure out why he put a stop to our visiting him now in Safford, but just wrote me that we can come see him as soon as he is moved to another yard????? what the hell is up with that???? why doesnt he want me at Safford anymore?? all these un answered questions that we are left with...
I know it will get easier, time heals all wounds. One day I will be able to maybe not laugh at this, but not be angry, hurt or bitter. cause let me tell ya'll, I am mad as hell right now!! I have not thrown any letters aways, and I have asked him 3 time sto send all ( private ones especially) pictures back and all 3 times he has said NO!!! he wont send them back.. thank god there is no faces on the private ones... If anyone is going through this and needs to chat, please fell free to private message me.. I am totally here for anyone of you ladies.. Happy Easter to all of you ...

I chose all of the above. Ending a relationship is really not much different than losing someone by death. They are no longer in your life. I believe that once you reach the anger stage the healing process will begin. Therapy does help, although I think most of my Therapists had to see one after I got through with them. :) Honestly Cali right now it seems like the end of the world and that feeling won't go away over night.
Just remember that I am here for you and time does heal all wounds. :grouphug:

You have the answer within you. Medication is not the answer nor is a therapist in the long run. You need to learn to let go, to love yourself. To say "I did this for him" or "I did that for him" or "I was allways there for him" is wrong. It's also wrong to ask "why". You did what you did because YOU wanted to do it. That is not his fault. And it's normal in a relationship to do stuff for the partner. To ask why is pointless, because it does not change a single thing. You need to look forward and let go without hate, without anger. You didn't just have bad days, you had good once too. The relationship you had taught you a lesson. It made you YOU. So it was good that you had it, and now it's time to move on. Don't see the end as a personal failure. See it as a new start, a new chance. Maby you are getting ready for the biggest love ever, but by closing you eyes and not letting go you may not see it. Love is not ment to be selfish. If you really love you should be able to say: Ok as long as he is happy without me, thats fine by me. So let him go. But don't forget your wellbeing in all this. Don't forget yourself. The greatest love you should feel, should be the love for yourself. Because only then are you able to give fully to others and also be open for other peoples love.

Schmusi34-what a great post and so absolutely true. I totally accept the fact that it is something I wanted to do. He tried to push me away when he got arrested, he didn't want to be any part of any of this, and I told him that I was a grown woman and I would make my own decisions. I have no regrets. I did everything because I loved him. He has problems that I can do nothing about and I am not going to even think I can. I feel good about everything. I know the depths to which I can love and that is a gift. I have no regrets. I am in pain but I am dealing with it. I have other issues that neccessitates the need for meds and therapy. It's not just about him. She is helping me find me so I can move on.

I feel as I am being pushed away from my loved one incarcerated. In fact I am out here with alot of us, staying busy on the solutions of prison, staying out my head, and getting into giving a hand up, information, public awareness. It never can be enough done. I love my man much!! I cannot set and cry, I got to take action. That is just me.

What always has helped me everytime my heart has been broken is, :p I try and think really hard of three or five (how ever many) things about him that turns me off:rolleyes: and whenever he comes into my mind, I think of those things instead of the really sweet good ones that my mind wants to remember.:yes: I don't know how healthy or sane this is to do :shrug: but, it really has helped me get over that person a whole lot quicker, I think. :o Sounds kinda silly in a way but has really worked for me. :o Thanks for letting me share. :) Hope this helps someone too.:yes: :blush: :grouphug:

Love, Sheila

Talking to my friends.
Talking to my PTO friends.
Staying busy and around others in social situations.

One other thing I've done is re-read all the letters and cards - my 80 to him and his 8 to me - because I can see the differences so clearly. Mine are all supportive and loving (and better writing than I'm normally capable of) and 5 of his are mean-assed, carping, bitter name-calling. Just reading them makes me clear on why I turned him in, why I don't take calls, why the restraining order is still in effect, why I don't write again. All I need to stay clear is to remember what those bad parts really were like, as someone else said, and it helps that he left some of it in writing.

I have to say the anti depressant I am on is really helping.At first I wasn't so sure but now since I have been on it awhile and got the dosage figured out is really does make a difference.Sure I am still hurt and mad but it just really levels out my emotions and has been making me function better,not cry nearly as much and so on.

Plus of course all of YOU :)