Man I do!

I mean over and over Josh told me that he didn't really have anyone else but me. His mom rarely writes or sends in money. I was the one taking care of him.

Now that it is over I feel guilty. I feel guilty because now he will be just sitting there thinking and thinking and getting no money whatsoever to buy those essentials. I know that this not healthy at all, but I have always been the type of person that lives to make others happy no matter what. I also know that that is not healthy behavior.

But what do you do to overcome the guilt? Is there anyone else that feels this?

I feel guilty for about a minute-every now and then!! But then again I know his mother does what she can, and he did this to himself...

I feel the worse when he writes me or I talk to a mutal friend... Mainly because he turned himself in for me...But then I realize all he did too me and I get over it! lol

Mel
I'm currently not in a broken relationship, but I have been there many times. Breaking up is something thats always been very very hard for me. I cant even begin to tell you how many times I stayed in a relationship out of guilt. I didnt want to be the one to hurt someone else. I would rather be miserable then ever hurt another person.

The only thing that made leaving easy was to somehow pick a fight. If I was mad it was much easier to leave.

With my first husband I felt sooo guilty about wanting out that I called my mom and said "Mom I have to get out of this marriage, but he has nowhere to go (all his family was in another state) so can he please stay with you". Now thats alot of guilt. I was 19 at the time and I will say its gotten a little bit easier to get out of bad relationships, but not much.

The only thing that will ease that guilty feeling is time and distance. I dont think there is anything you can do with this relationship or any other that will make you not feel this way. Its part of who you are and for the most part that thoughtfulness and kindness to others will work out for your benefit.

I will admitt somedays (especially when trying to get out of a relationship) I wish I was a little tougher, but then I wouldnt be who I am.

TNC--

WOW that really does sound similar to me. I mean, like you said, I would much rather be in a bad relationship than try to get out, because as long as the other is happy than I can survive. Sometimes I really hate this quality, because there are times when I feel like someone takes advantage of me.

Time and distance. I most defiantely agree with that. I know that the time factor is not something that I can change, but I am trying with the distance. When ever I get a letter, like I did yesterday, I do not even open it, NOPE can't do it. That is how I am distancing myself from him.

You better not change! I love you the way you are :D

Thank you again for that wonderful advice!

Mel

Sometimes I really hate this quality, because there are times when I feel like someone takes advantage of me.
I agree its easy for someone like us to get get taken advantage of or used. Others can pick up on those qualities about us. I cant tell you how many times I've been used because I am so nice and put others first. I also cant tell you how many times others knew what buttons to push to make me feel bad for them.

I know that the time factor is not something that I can change
You cant change the time factor, but just know that in time it will get easier for both you and him. I know that is hard to believe right now, but in time even he will get used to the fact its over. For some it takes longer then others and some are even persistant to get you to change your mind, but eventually they give up and except reality.

I cant even begin to tell you how many times I got "will you please come back" gifts. For some they will try anything, but now that you've told him the news it will be easeir for you to stay stong. The hardest part is getting out, but staying out is normally the easy part. IMO it does help that he's not in a position to shower you with gifts or show up at your doorstep all the time. When you have to face them it makes it harder.


You better not change! I love you the way you are :D
I dont see that happening anytime soon. I've tried to be stronger, tougher, meaner and colder and I just cant do it :D

Thank you again for that wonderful advice!
Unfortunatly I've been around more blocks then I care to admit. If ya ever want to talk you know where to find me

The only thing I feel guilty about is my kids. He hurt them and they hated how he was treating me and they have been there thru my marriage.

Him, no way. I hurt so bad I am dying inside, but he chose drugs and another woman over life and love, me, my kids and his daughter and his family.

He is a sail less boat being put out to sea. His only survival is going to be himself. We will always love him but we can't help him: tough love.

He is a sail less boat being put out to sea. His only survival is going to be himself. We will always love him but we can't help him: tough love.

That is a good way to put it, a sail less sail boat being put out to sea. I am so sorry that he has hurt you and I only hope that soon the recovery will be going strong and you realize how special of a woman you are, and that some man would be lucky to have you by his side!

HUGS

Mel

Do I feel guilty? I have a whole lot of feelings regarding this but guilt isn't one of them. I did everything in my power to support and love him (and his kids) while he was in and after he came home.He made the choice to walk away from it all and me for whatever reasons.

I did feel guilty for awhile after breaking up with Mark. I felt like I was "giving up". Mark hated that I felt that way, and he once told me that maybe we should cut off communication till I got over my guilt. He didn't want to be my pity friend. I didn't want that either.

I still help Mark out alot, now that I am gone his Mom has stepped up more than she was before when I was around so thats a good thing.

My feelings of guilt have gone away, it took awhile and alot of understanding on what my relationship really meant in order for me to NOT feel guilty.

This too shall pass...

Heather

I will be the first one to admit that guilt is something that I usally feel but for some reason I will not allow myself to feel guilty for this break up.. I'm a major codependent and I started to read the book Codependent No More and it has helped me so much, with the book and the help of friends I have learned so much about myself. I really do not have contact with Louis cause I do worry that he will make me feel guilty and I know that it is not my fault that I let go of him.

mel~My experience with guilt is from past relationships and they weren't prison related but I think that with any breakup this is a normal experience to varying degrees. The feeling will be reduced in time and you will move on, I know it's difficult and I feel for you.

Wishing you all the best,
Patty

I will be the first one to admit that guilt is something that I usally feel but for some reason I will not allow myself to feel guilty for this break up.. I'm a major codependent and I started to read the book Codependent No More and it has helped me so much, with the book and the help of friends I have learned so much about myself. I really do not have contact with Louis cause I do worry that he will make me feel guilty and I know that it is not my fault that I let go of him.I have that same book by Melody Beattie,also beyond codependency and the 12 steps something love, yes the book seems to be great if I could only keep my mind from going around the world. You see I grew up with my man and never dated or even anything. and I have been their for him for the past 4 years and as time has gone by it seems that the letters get strong at the end of the month and no one else in his family helps his mom says I did it for so many years now its someone elses turn well how do ya think that makes me feel like s---.
Love me it was fire at the first and now I dont even want to take the pre paid calls well hello I paid for them anyway. No Love in my box from him makes me think that he is taking time with someone else. Help any Input Broken By Miles

Girl-- I know what you are going through. Yes I do feel guilty at times. As you know , his family let me do it all and so did he. I do sit and wonder how he is making it. I hear from his family all the time that he is sad and depressed. But I have to look at how I was and how I am now. Since I have moved on with my life -- I am happy. I have to keep telling myself that its his problem-- I did NOT put him in the position that got him into prison. THerefor he choose to go through the loneyness, and not being able to afford stuff ( heck he could have saved some of the money I spent out and live for a couple of years there----lol.) And I know Josh could have also.LOL.

i was just telling one of my coworkers last nite that I felt guilty over this...even though i know i deserve someone who is going to be totally honest with me i still feel extremely guilty because he really doesnt have anyone else that is standing by him....when he did his last two year bid he never even had a visit...noone in his family ever even went to see him...but he did bring this on himself so i am trying to be strong and not give in to the urge to atleast try and salvage our frienship.....it would not be healthy for me emotionally to do that..but this guilt is not an easy thing to deal with.

Robin

I dont know how crazy this is but my name is Melissa and my hunny's name is josh, People call me Mia, but I am also from GA originally. I just think thats crazy.LOL. I have given myself many things to feel guilty about, and I live with it every day. Its not easy but I love my Joshua and I want to be here for him now and try to make up for some of the mistakes that I made. Does that make any sense? I tried to distance myself from Joshua but I couldn't. I didn't want to love him anymore for along time because I felt like it wasn't healthy for me because I was so young, I went out and met someone new and I thought that he loved me but it fell apart and when it did I ran right back to Joshua. I couldnt help it because he always assured me that it didnt matter how bad I screwed up, that he would always love me and be there for me, and when the other broke my heart, I knew how Joshua felt because the circumstances were almost the same, so I felt like I could relate and I feel like that made me fall inlove with him all over again. I don't know how much longer he's gunna be in there and sometimes im tempted by guys but im trying really hard to fight it. I know where your coming from because Im still wondering if i am doing the right thing by giving our relationship another go after everything that has happened.