softheart
03-12-2003, 06:47 PM
If only more people felt like this women what an amazing world we would live in.
softie
OREGON:
Teaching to forgive, not forget
Aba Gayle lost 8 years of her life to hatred and bitterness after her
19-year-old daughter was brutally murdered in 1980.
It would be another 4 before she could forgive the man who stabbed her
beautiful daughter to death that October day.
At the time, Gayle Orr found herself not only without her youngest
daughter, but absolutely bereft of a support system - she did not believe
in God, and had no priest, minister or rabbi to turn to.
Her mother had just had open-heart surgery; her 2 older children were in
medical school; and 6 weeks after the murder, Gayle's husband -
Catherine's stepfather - informed her that he didn't want to talk about
Catherine anymore.
"I was very alone," she said. "I went into a state of anger and rage."
While she kept up a calm front for the sake of those around her, she
lusted after revenge - in the form of execution of her daughter's
murderer. She loved watching Dirty Harry movies.
After all, the district attorney had told her they'd catch the killer,
they'd sentence him to death, he'd be executed - and then she'd feel better.
By the time 8 years had gone by, Gayle was making herself sick and was to
a point where something had to give. In desperation, she enrolled in at
meditation class at the nearby Berkeley Psychic Institute.
This was the 1st baby step in a spiritual journey that has brought her to
a place today, 21 years after her daughter's murder, where she ministers
to death row inmates, counsels the families of inmates, rallies against
the death penalty and gives forgiveness workshops, as she will be doing
in Silverton this weekend.
As Gayle embarked on this spiritual journey, her marriage broke up and
her mother became quite ill, suffering from congestive heart failure. She
and her mother bought a house together.
Knowing she only had about 2 years to live, Gayle wanted to make them her
mother's best 2 years.
"What can I do to make Mom really happy?" she asked herself. In the past
her mother had enjoyed going to church, so Gayle found a little church in
Auburn, a Unity church heavy on the teachings of Jesus.
But, this was for Mom, and Gayle basically just sat there - until one
Sunday, when it seemed the minister was speaking directly to her.
It happened again. And again. And again.
She discovered the church had a bookstore, and the minister's husband
became her personal librarian of sorts, pointing her each week to another
book - they ran the gamut.
She was starting to knit together a spiritual framework - safety net -
for herself.
"I experienced an absolute shift in my spiritual awareness," Gayle said.
"I was a divine child of God - and so was everyone else."
It kept coming up that she had to forgive.
Not only forgive - but let the man who had murdered her daughter know she
had forgiven him.
A letter to the killer, written in the wee hours of the morning a dozen
years after Catherine's murder, became that week's project in a class
Gayle was taking.
She read the letter to her classmates. It explained how important
Catherine had been in their lives and what it had meant to lose her.
In it, she told the man he had "done irreparable damage to my family and
my dreams for the future."
But the letter also extended forgiveness.
"The Christ in me sends blessings to the Christ in you."
As she reached the end of her project, the 45 students in the Science of
Mind Foundations class stood up en masse and engulfed Gayle. It was only
with their support that she was actually able to mail the letter.
With the click of the little hinged mailbox something amazing happened.
"All the rage, all the lust for revenge simply vanished in that instant,"
she said. "In its place I was filled with the most incredible feeling of
joy and love and peace. I was in a state of grace."
"And I also knew that I didn't need the State of California to murder
another human being so I could be healed."
Part of her healing process is reflected in Gayle's legal name change to
Aba Gayle.
"I gave myself my new name for my 60th birthday," she said, adding "you
need 2 names for legal purposes. I kept Gayle, which was the name my
mother gave me. I added Aba which means Joyful heart or One With God."
The healing Aba Gayle experienced when the letter hit the mailbox would
have been enough, but the story continues. Catherine's killer, Douglas
Mickey, responded - and sent her a visitor's pass.
When she passed all the checkpoints and the lengthy processing at San
Quentin and entered the communal visiting room, Gayle experienced another
revelation.
"There wasn't a monster in the room," she said, adding, "Douglas became
my next teacher."
Later, as her ministry to inmates and their families grew, it became
clear that nearly every man on death row would have given anything to
have a contact like Douglas Mickey had.
"Forgiveness can lead to all kinds of things, but its a door that has to
be intentionally opened."
"Anger is just a horrible thing to do to your body," Gayle said. "Not to
mention what it does to your soul and your spirit. Forgiveness is not
saying what he did was right - it's taking back your power."
"If you're really angry and furious at George, every time he goes through
your mind, a little extra acid is secreted in your stomach, your heart
rate increases - all the reactions youd get if you're angry."
Aba Gayle, who recently moved to Silverton from Northern California,
would like to see an epidemic of forgiveness break out all over the world.
"If everybody could learn to forgive, we'd have world peace," she said.
"Yesterday is over. We need to learn to live now."
Rather than being against the death penalty, Gayle, knowing that what "we
focus on in life is what we attract" chooses to advocate for alternatives
to the death penalty.
Gayle has formed the Catherine Blount Foundation, dedicated to
demonstrating and teaching the healing power of forgiveness by speaking
in churches and schools and giving forgiveness workshops. She is also a
member of Oregonians for Alternatives to the Death Penalty, and Murder
Victims Families for Reconciliation.
"I'm for restorative justice - for the perpetrators and the victim," she
said. "Yes, there are some people we can never allow to walk the streets
again. But I think the whole focus should be on rehabilitation and
education and programs for reconciliation."
She said it's "time to stop teaching people to hate and start teaching
people to love. The whole execution as closure idea is not realistic,"
she added.
"There is no such thing as closure," she said. "I'll never forget Catherine.
(source: Silverton Appeal Tribune)
softie
OREGON:
Teaching to forgive, not forget
Aba Gayle lost 8 years of her life to hatred and bitterness after her
19-year-old daughter was brutally murdered in 1980.
It would be another 4 before she could forgive the man who stabbed her
beautiful daughter to death that October day.
At the time, Gayle Orr found herself not only without her youngest
daughter, but absolutely bereft of a support system - she did not believe
in God, and had no priest, minister or rabbi to turn to.
Her mother had just had open-heart surgery; her 2 older children were in
medical school; and 6 weeks after the murder, Gayle's husband -
Catherine's stepfather - informed her that he didn't want to talk about
Catherine anymore.
"I was very alone," she said. "I went into a state of anger and rage."
While she kept up a calm front for the sake of those around her, she
lusted after revenge - in the form of execution of her daughter's
murderer. She loved watching Dirty Harry movies.
After all, the district attorney had told her they'd catch the killer,
they'd sentence him to death, he'd be executed - and then she'd feel better.
By the time 8 years had gone by, Gayle was making herself sick and was to
a point where something had to give. In desperation, she enrolled in at
meditation class at the nearby Berkeley Psychic Institute.
This was the 1st baby step in a spiritual journey that has brought her to
a place today, 21 years after her daughter's murder, where she ministers
to death row inmates, counsels the families of inmates, rallies against
the death penalty and gives forgiveness workshops, as she will be doing
in Silverton this weekend.
As Gayle embarked on this spiritual journey, her marriage broke up and
her mother became quite ill, suffering from congestive heart failure. She
and her mother bought a house together.
Knowing she only had about 2 years to live, Gayle wanted to make them her
mother's best 2 years.
"What can I do to make Mom really happy?" she asked herself. In the past
her mother had enjoyed going to church, so Gayle found a little church in
Auburn, a Unity church heavy on the teachings of Jesus.
But, this was for Mom, and Gayle basically just sat there - until one
Sunday, when it seemed the minister was speaking directly to her.
It happened again. And again. And again.
She discovered the church had a bookstore, and the minister's husband
became her personal librarian of sorts, pointing her each week to another
book - they ran the gamut.
She was starting to knit together a spiritual framework - safety net -
for herself.
"I experienced an absolute shift in my spiritual awareness," Gayle said.
"I was a divine child of God - and so was everyone else."
It kept coming up that she had to forgive.
Not only forgive - but let the man who had murdered her daughter know she
had forgiven him.
A letter to the killer, written in the wee hours of the morning a dozen
years after Catherine's murder, became that week's project in a class
Gayle was taking.
She read the letter to her classmates. It explained how important
Catherine had been in their lives and what it had meant to lose her.
In it, she told the man he had "done irreparable damage to my family and
my dreams for the future."
But the letter also extended forgiveness.
"The Christ in me sends blessings to the Christ in you."
As she reached the end of her project, the 45 students in the Science of
Mind Foundations class stood up en masse and engulfed Gayle. It was only
with their support that she was actually able to mail the letter.
With the click of the little hinged mailbox something amazing happened.
"All the rage, all the lust for revenge simply vanished in that instant,"
she said. "In its place I was filled with the most incredible feeling of
joy and love and peace. I was in a state of grace."
"And I also knew that I didn't need the State of California to murder
another human being so I could be healed."
Part of her healing process is reflected in Gayle's legal name change to
Aba Gayle.
"I gave myself my new name for my 60th birthday," she said, adding "you
need 2 names for legal purposes. I kept Gayle, which was the name my
mother gave me. I added Aba which means Joyful heart or One With God."
The healing Aba Gayle experienced when the letter hit the mailbox would
have been enough, but the story continues. Catherine's killer, Douglas
Mickey, responded - and sent her a visitor's pass.
When she passed all the checkpoints and the lengthy processing at San
Quentin and entered the communal visiting room, Gayle experienced another
revelation.
"There wasn't a monster in the room," she said, adding, "Douglas became
my next teacher."
Later, as her ministry to inmates and their families grew, it became
clear that nearly every man on death row would have given anything to
have a contact like Douglas Mickey had.
"Forgiveness can lead to all kinds of things, but its a door that has to
be intentionally opened."
"Anger is just a horrible thing to do to your body," Gayle said. "Not to
mention what it does to your soul and your spirit. Forgiveness is not
saying what he did was right - it's taking back your power."
"If you're really angry and furious at George, every time he goes through
your mind, a little extra acid is secreted in your stomach, your heart
rate increases - all the reactions youd get if you're angry."
Aba Gayle, who recently moved to Silverton from Northern California,
would like to see an epidemic of forgiveness break out all over the world.
"If everybody could learn to forgive, we'd have world peace," she said.
"Yesterday is over. We need to learn to live now."
Rather than being against the death penalty, Gayle, knowing that what "we
focus on in life is what we attract" chooses to advocate for alternatives
to the death penalty.
Gayle has formed the Catherine Blount Foundation, dedicated to
demonstrating and teaching the healing power of forgiveness by speaking
in churches and schools and giving forgiveness workshops. She is also a
member of Oregonians for Alternatives to the Death Penalty, and Murder
Victims Families for Reconciliation.
"I'm for restorative justice - for the perpetrators and the victim," she
said. "Yes, there are some people we can never allow to walk the streets
again. But I think the whole focus should be on rehabilitation and
education and programs for reconciliation."
She said it's "time to stop teaching people to hate and start teaching
people to love. The whole execution as closure idea is not realistic,"
she added.
"There is no such thing as closure," she said. "I'll never forget Catherine.
(source: Silverton Appeal Tribune)