I want to know how you're doing today. Whether you're having a rough day,a sad day, a somewhat better day then yesterday. I WANT TO KNOW! Take the time to type it out here. I am ready to listen.

It's still early for me ;) So I'll be back later to let you all know how my day went.

Stacy

;) Just woke up, have to take my car in to get repaired, but luckily they'll give me a rental.

Here's a :grouphug: for anyone who is feeling down today.

Just getting up myself, so I haven't really experienced my day yet :) Got the laundry going tho, so I am being productive.

Yesterday I got a letter from Josh, but I did NOT even open it. I just laid it on the dining room table and went on with the day. I just know it will be filled with those perfect words and make me feel bad, so I am not even going to go there anymore.

I hope that you will get your car back as soon as they are done Mrs. D. What kinda rental are you getting?

:grouphug:

I finally lost it. Yesterday I cried and threw up for 6 hours, because I was crying so hard. Today it was just crying, but only for about 2 hours. The pain is agonizing. When I think of him with that other woman, I just double over. I can't deal with him loving her when he wouldn't love me. He never gave me, him, or us a chance. He took me right back to the abuse I suffered at the hands of my ex. He said and did the same things and the worse thing is, he did it on purpose. He cut me in half and I am bleeding to death. I pull it together before my kids come home, but they see my swollen face. It's scaring them because they know I have one foot in the hospital door. My youngest was up half the night and crawled into my bed about 3 this morning(He is my autistic one and he doesn't know how to deal with emotions; so he walks by and ruffles my hair, lays on my back or sits behind me sucking his thumb and my hair, or he will throw himself on me and hug me(and this from a kid you can't touch without asking)). My brother came down last night and he took one look at me and he is going looking for him. He said, "I need to have a talk with him"! Jason won't go into a bar if he sees my brother's truck, so he is having someone else drive. My brother is built like a Sherman tank. He is the nicest guy and funny as hell but right now he is p***ed. You can look at his eyes and he reminds you of a copperhead. They don't rattle before they strike. The closes cop is 35 minutes in any given direction and as far as around here, they'ed block the door and just say "he fell down". I can see him hog tying him and throwing him into a truck and taking him to the police station. He'd be better off turning himself in. It won't hurt as much.

Luana: I am so sorry you are having such a horrible time. I am sending my prayers up for you to the Grandfathers asking they protect you and take your pain.

Luna, I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I can remeber crying for days on end. Yes the agony never seems to cease. Girl you are TOUGH and STRONG and you WILL pull yourself out of this rut. I PROMISE! It seems like the end of the world right now, and to make matters worse another female is involved :fb: That's worse then just losing the relationship.

Honestly, Luna, you NEED to find things to do. Things that will help your mind not to thinks so much about the situation. It's not easy finding the energy or will to do anything but sulk, but for your health you HAVE to. Draw strength from us. We are ALWAYS here for you! ((((HUGS))))

swtmel, you don't have to read that letter. Sometimes it's better to just leave it unopened. We want SO bad to believe in them, when we know deep down they may not be good for us.

My day was pretty smooth today. Finally, I've had a few days of SERIOUS depression :( I think it's starting to lift now. Or at least I hope so. I have a flippin kink in my neck. I think I slept on my head instead of my back. I hate that!

Stacy

Having a rough day today :( Yesterday was ok,I actually didn't cry for the first day in 4 weeks! Today though I just feel so sad and mad,I think of all the things I want to say but probably won't.He hasn't been keeping to his word on anything he promised me that he would continue to do even though our relationship has ended and that is just making me feel worse.

I'm going to hang out here for awhile,make a good dinner and watch some TV later to get my mind off of him for a bit or try to anyways!

Stacy--((HUGS)) Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day? Lots of positive thoughts just for you! I hate when I sleep on my neck the wrong way, talk about some major neck/back pains.

Cali--((HUGS)) Cali, I am glad to hear that you didn't cry today. You keep on keepin' on and stay strong. You are a great person and I know that you will overcome this little 'steep' in life and become one hell of a great woman that any man would love to have!

HUGS :grouphug:

Mel

That was yesterday that I didn't :( Today I am BUT one day finally out of 4 weeks not crying did feel good!

(((((hugs)))) to you ladies in pain. I know its not easy. But as the others say.. you have to stay busy and now you have this special forum...just for YOU. :grouphug:

I got quite a chuckle when I picked up the rental car this afternoon..... Its the EXACT same color as mine, same make, only its a 2005 Cavalier, mines a 2004 and its a 2 door where mine is a 4 door. My nieghbor was in the yard when I came home and he kept staring and staring at the car, scratching his head. I had to go over and explain..the poor guy had a stroke and is confused enough!

Please keep Fuzzynutskins in your thoughts. She's about to pop. I have visions of coming home from work and finding newborn kittens in the middle of my bed :eek: I'll put an old blanket on my bed just in case ;)

I definitely will get her fixed after this litter! I had a lady stop by the other day - she's the housekeeper for my neighbor - and said she wanted a kitten. Fuzzy goes to visit her every day when she goes to Duanes house. She and Duane both give her treats and spoil her rotten. I might just ask her to take Fuzzy too... she doesn't get along with my other cats, but she needed rescuing when I took her in.

OK... sorry to ramble on... I hope you all have a better day tomorrow!

mrs

This was only my second day of crying. I have held it for so long. But I can just feel it coming.

I love my counselor. She always knows when I am REALLY bad. I blow her off and don't go. She keeps making excuses for me until I finally force myself in there. I am too raw to deal with her but I have to go.

StaceysWar030-you are talking to one hyperactive woman. I am bi-polar and have racing thoughts. I am constantly on the move. I have actually left the house more since he left and reconnecting with old friends and getting so much accomplished with actually getting things done. It is great. I am finally moving forward in my life. I have dealt with all the essential and main pieces. But the pain, it was the last thing I wanted to deal with. I know I have to go to counceling this week and I know that is what she is going to go for. I have to be able to tell her exactly how I feel or it doesn't work. So I have to deal with this thing right now. I have dealt with everything else. I can be very decisive and when I am angry, I actually function at an optimal level. I can deal decisively, aggressively, assertivily. I compartmentalize things so I can separate them and deal with it one piece at a time.

I have a list here of "swan songs" I play on earphones:

When it's Over by Loverboy
Turn Me Loose by Loverboy
I Am I Said by Neil Diamond(there is a beautiful story of total love there)
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
I Am Woman by Helen Reddy
I Did it My Way by Elvis
Hell Yeah by Mongomery Gentry(LOVE the big. tall, bald one;)
Cowboy by Kid Rock

My brother made a meatloaf and I made mashed potatos and a pumpkin roll. It was great having him here and he just loves the boys to death.

My boys just braided my hair and tied a braided leather band around my head like an Indian or an "old head", hippie:). I have beads hanging down the side of my head:)

After I deal with this pain everything else will be a slide into home. God has blessed me greatly. I have felt his presence through all of this. He always has my back. Jason's mom has been my guardian angel. God sent her to get me through this. My friend and her husband, and all of you. Who knows better than us anyways:)!?

You know Luna, the more I read about your story, the more I see myself! I am an ACTIVE persona as well. On the go, can't sit still ESPECIALLY when the anxiety's kickin in. Crying is actually a healthy thing to do. For me, when I let loose, and that's not often, I wake up the next day ready to start fresh. I refocus and have a ton of new energy. It's like renergizing :) Now, when I was going thru all this pain, it was a bit different. The crying wouldn't stop :( But once it started to lift and I started making it thru a day without crying, and then a few days, things started to get better. Counseling is an AWESOME thing. OMG talk about a lifesaver.

Keep going Luna, you are on the right track. You WILL heal. You WILL make it :)

Cali, KUDOS you made it thru your first day without tears. It only gets better from here. You've made it thru the first dreadful month. Now, start focusing on the future. Even if that future is only 5 minutes from now. Keep coming here, talking about what's going on with YOU! We aren't going anywhere :)

Stacy

I'm still going from, how could he do this, to I should have never been with him. I will be glad to see the day when there is not so much pain and anger. I feel like I am drowning at times. I don't want to see him or talk to him, but the fact he doesn't call, hurts. How could he just let me go so easy? I gave up and did so much for him. I wish I could get my life back to where it was when I met him. That hurts too.

((hugs)) to everyone who needs one. I was reading this magazine and it had a article in it about this lady, she was a young attractive lady who would just go around the city and offer hugs to people, most women turned down the hug... (LOL, of course the MEN didn't!). Personally, I feel that a hug from anyone can really make you feel better...

I think I should be the official PTO hugger.

I'm having a good day, well rested and taking the rest of the week off of work, that alone makes me feel 110% better!

This too shall pass ladies!!!

Heather

Here's today's hug from MRs. D:

(((((hug)))))

Kace,I feel exactly how you do! HUGS to you

Today was the same for me still sad and mad but only a few tears.I sent him a letter today to inquire about something of mine he has and to say a few more things that were bugging me and thats it I'm done.I won't be contacting him again in any way.If I don't get what is mine back then I guess I just don't get it,I have to let it go completely.If he does the right thing then GREAT but I can't contact him again nor force him to do the one last thing he could do to do right by me

My day today. Well, I still have a kink in my neck :( Doesn't feel as bad as yesterday, but still quite bothersome. TOday is my little girl's birhtday :) She's 4. It's bittersweet, as her daddy can't be with her. It's just not as much fun ya know? :( But for the most part, my spirits are still high. I get real tired of the roller coaster ride. I'm on the upswing this week :) Work was hard. Since I took this new position, the stress level is MUCH higher. I come home feeling like a vice is attached to my head and by the days end it's as tight as it can get..........lol. I LOVE my job. It's just a difficult one.

Thanks for listening (reading ;) )

Stacy

Here's my daily hug and a quote to go with it:

(((((hugs)))))

"End your day by privately looking directly into your eyes in the mirror and saying, 'I love you!' Do this for thirty days and watch how you transform." -- Mark Victor Hansen

My day was just OK today.

Right now I am at my momma's house on my spring break. She has noticied that something is just not right with me, my attitude has just been crummy. Plus I am in the process of quitting smoking, day 4 :thumbsup:

My mom and I are having a girls night tonight. We are going to see Ring 2 and go to dinner. I know that will put a smile on my face :)

It looks like I am going to be getting a puppy, as soon as I move out of my current apartment, after graduation. Not sure what kind yet but it is going to be my graduation present. I have always wanted a puppy!!! I am in the process of looking through some pictures on websites. I will let you all know when I pick the one :D

((HUGS)) to all that need them!

Mel

Heather, are you looking for a pound puppy??? They don't know exactly what there is about it, but dogs that come from shelters are kind of like PTO Members, they have a special thing inside them that makes them give unconditional love.

My day today is really odd. I'm just feeling blaa. I know that leaving Louis is the right thing for me. But there are times when I wonder if he could really change but I know in the long run it is not a chance that I can afford to take, It does not help that while i'm cleaning I keep finding pictures of us.. I don't love him but for some sick reason I find myself worring about him and that will only lead to bad things.. two of my girls are at their fathers for the night. and the oldest is at the movies and that leaves me here alone. I have not been alone for so long at it is scarey. To sit and think and think.. It is so quite here!!

same old blue mood here :(

Louis's girl, I was ALL alone (no kids) last weekend. You'd think we'd enjoy some of that peace and quiet, but no I was depressed ALL weekend :( Yes, that's what it makes you do, think and think! Hang in there!

Cali, (((((((HUGS)))))))! I know this a really tough time for you right now. We are still here for you girl!

A puppy? :) Oh how nice is that? I want a cat. Only cuz they take way less care then a dog does. I already have 2 kids..........lol. NO DOGS HERE! :D I agree with Mrs D, the pups or dogs from the pound are MUCH more loving then any other dog around. Almost like they're thankful for life for someone rescuing them :)

Yesterday, I went to the SIL's house. She's having Bariatric Surgery on the 5th. I'm scared for her, but extremely happy for her. So Lex and I went there to open b-day gifts and just spend some quality time with her and the family. I LOVE that woman and her family :) It was nice.

I didn't sleep well last night. So I'm real tired today. But hey IT'S FRIDAY! :D That only means I can sleep in tomorrow. hahaha

Stacy

hi everybody!

I have my ups and downs several times during the day. I get riddled with guilt...the should I have vs the should I have not. I do alot of soul-searching. I do love my man, but I think it's because it's a comfort zone...he is my rock, he can calm me down. We have gotten along so well...and I got to thinking one day, I'm so emeshed in this prison stuff and I'm tired of it, the last time I saw him, I broke down with the realization of the situation....We will not be able to be a family together. That is what I want more than anything...to do family stuff and outings together. He can't do that because of his offense.
So I decided to go out to a party, and I met someone...and we are dating....but at times, I wonder is it out of lonliness? I really like him, and I miss the closeness in a relationship, but we can do family stuff together.
I like to give this new relationship a chance to blossom, but my guilt, and thoughts of my guy keep creeping in along with the should I have? or should I have not?
It gets worse when...my guy calls, or writes a letter and it takes a few days to get my head and my heart feeling better. So right now I'm not too bad...but I'm always thinking, mulling things over...but I'm looking forward to seeing my new guy Easter morning.

Today is Friday and I am off work so that is good :) However I woke up feeling just really anxious and sad :( I'll be going out of town in a few hours for the night with a group of friends to hit the casinos in NV. and a concert,my first real outing since the break up as all I want to do is stay home and be a loner but I know I need to make myself go and try and have fun!

Wish me luck that I hit it big at the casinos that sure would cheer me up at least for awhile! lol

I think part of the reason I'm feeling some anxiety is I had sent him a letter telling him I needed the $ he owed me by a certain time today(which he was supposed to give part of it to me last Friday and the other this Friday already and hasn't yet) so wondering if he will do the right thing,hoping he will but knowing he may not is making me feel that way

I went to church this morning and brought a poem that my new boyfriend gave me, and showed it to a few people and they just melted. I just beamed inside, which gave me a lift.
But stomach is still upset, don't know if it's from the flu I had...or if it's from worries.

Cali! Have a Woooooonderful night out on the town. YOU deserve that! Go out forget about your problems and partttay the night away with friends.

Strangeanimal: I know the feelings of guilt when you meet someone new. I went through that, and at first I let it get in the way of me seeing other people. But then I met my sweetie now, and he understood my feelings and accepted my relationship with Mark. They've even met. It is very hard to move on, but the right person will make it easy.

Take Care
Heather

Cali - I sure hope you have better luck than we did the other night! I took my youngest and her b/f Wednesday night - she turned 21 on the 13th. I took in $200 and after we lost $150, my kidlet said, "thats enough Mom." She had a great time anyway - and so did the b/f...it was his first time to go to a casino as well!

I"m going to the movies tonight! I RARELY go,but one of my boys said something about a movie he wants to see the other day and he was a super big help while the documentary crew was filming so I'm treating him as a reward. :D :D :D We're going to see the new Vin Diesel movie.

Here's my hug and quote for the day:

(((((hug)))))

"The kindest thing you can do for the people you care about is to become a happy, joyous person." -- Brian Tracy

Here's a ((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))) for those who are in pain, and even for those not in pain.:)

I went to visit an old friend I haven't seen since last summer.
On the way down to her place I couldn't get the "Wizard of Oz" song out of my head....


'"Ha Ha Ha , HoHo Ho and a couple of la la la's thats how we laugh the day away in the merry ol land of Oz"

I felt really good today, I was looking forward to Sunday, seeing my new guy..spending some time taking a walk with the kids, ordered in panzerotti's and watched Easter videos.
My Ex called, but I ignored the first call...but answered the second call...and it wasn't a bad conversation, just light-hearted. I can handle that. I also got invited out to an Easter dinner, with new friends. So today for me, has been very positive.

OMG Cali HAVE A GREAT TIME :D :D WOOOO HOOOO! It's so nice to see you getting out. This is the FIRST step to your freedom of pain.

Strangeanimal, you have a GREAT time with the new guy and family. I know it's tough, but sometimes you just have to make a decision to BE HAPPY!

Mrs D I LOVE your quotes ;) Have a GREAT time at the movies. GLad the casino was fun. :)

I was supposed to meet up with some girls in Michigan in Ann Arbor today. I couldn't get a car :( Here I finally have some energy to do something and can't because my car SUCKS! I can't go see my honey tomorrow either :( Anxiety is kicking in :(

I'll be fine tho. HUGE ((((((((HUGS))))))) to EVERYONE!

Stacy

Everyday without my husband seems to be awfull....We have 2 kids. My daughter understands but our 4 yr old doesn't..I try to consoul him but all he knows is that almost everytime "Papa" walks out the door we have to go to the scary place and talk to him through glass on a phone...It's a shame they don't realize sometimes that they hurt the ones that love them more than themselves...Our son calls the jail "Papas" home...because he's there more than he is here...If I could only just leave our son with him for 1 week and let him see the hurt in his big brown eyes and for our son to look at him and ask "Papa why woun't you go get Papa". maybe he would understand..Well I hate to babble on so I'll let you go sweetie....
Terri :grouphug:

(((((hugs)))))


When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller

today was a goodone. Busy at work and that is a good thing. Got all of the easter things ready just waiting for the kids to fall out.

Cali did ya win big if not I really hope that you enjoyed yourself...

I didn't win dang it! I did have an ok time though actually until I tried to sleep and tossed and turned all night thinking about him and the situation

More of the same today just kind of blah but the tears are getting less and less each day!

More of the same today just kind of blah but the tears are getting less and less each day! That's awesome! That mean you are starting to accept the situation. Doesn't mean you like it, just that you're accepting it. One step at a time Cali!

Well, I bought my brothers car yesterday, and was able to go with my girls from PTO! :D :D Had a GREAT time. And now I can go visit :)

(((((((HUGS)))))) to everyone!

Stacy

I love this thread Stacy...I'll be a daily visitor to help offer encouragement with you...but right now, I just have a major grrrrrr that I would like to share...

It was 2 years ago Friday that Brian was ripped from our lives. :( I thought going to see him would help...we fought over something stupid. And it was NOT a little fight, this is turning into an all out battle.

I told him that I needed one of "those" phone calls(the adults only kind)...and you'd think I asked him to try to try to walk out the door with me. It got real ugly real fast, so finally I just said, yes dear to everything he was saying and that pissed him off even more. We fought all the way out the door, and it was hard to do with Katie there, but we managed, and she was none the wiser. But he is adamant that they recorded him the last time I got a little hot and heavy on the phone...my response to him...they have almost 2000 men in there, you are NOT that big a fish that they care wether you are sexing up your wife or not. He is afraid it will hurt his chances of parole...as if they are going to grant him a parole anyway... :angry:

Oh yeah, and after that battle, he has the nerve to call me and ask me what I was wearing to bed that night and what I was doing, trying to get something started!!!!! GRRRRRR!!!! I really hate that man right now! And I have to get thru another visit today without killing the SOB!! Pray for me ladies, I'm gonna need it!!

Michelle

:angry: hi ya'll..

Just got back into town and i logged on and saw the new forum!! Finally... yeahhhh
Cali, hi girl! I am totally with you as youknow I am also going through the same thing sweetie. I have ot tell you I have bad days, really bad days, somewhat better days and I have had maybe 1 or 2 good days. Today is a bad day. It is Easter Sunday and Scott didnt send our son a card, a letter, call or anything. When I got back intot own last night the first thing I did was check the mailbox and wow, nothing from him!! I have gotten 3 more bitch me out letters since the one telling me to move on! One says that after he finds out the outcome of the new case, if all goes well he wants to resume the relationship, the next one says that he doesnt want to jump into a relationship when he gets out, the last one says that "IF i WANT TO SALVAGE ANYTHING OF WHAT WE HAVE" i had better stop saying mean things?????? I have not written Scott since last monday ( 13 days exactly) 2 weeks ago. I was surprised to get any mail at all since I got the youneed to move on letter... I am also at the same point as othwers, I cant's believe that he isnt trying to call me, that by this weekend he figured out that I havent written anymore and , I was really depressed last night after checking the mail box. It surely must be an ego thing, as someone else pointed out. No one wants to think that they are so easily forgotten and that they are going on with their lives and we are here crying our hearts out over it, rehashing it all, trying to figure out where it went wrong and not getting any closure. Women need closure! for men, they say " it's over" and that's closure enough for them. You also think ( well I sure do) that he will realize he mieesed up the best thing he ever had, the only one who was there for him while he is down, the only one who always came through!!! He must think about that somewhat????? I tell you what ladies! it's hard as hell!! because we put so much of ourselves in being there for them, then it's basically thrown back in our faces... and that hurts!! my situation is worse, as we have a 6 year old son together, so I am going to have to face him and deal with him when he soes get out... plus I have to try to answer our sons questions about why we cant go see his Dad anymore and so on... I cant for the life of me figure out why he put a stop to our visiting him now in Safford, but just wrote me that we can come see him as soon as he is moved to another yard????? what the hell is up with that???? why doesnt he want me at Safford anymore?? all these un answered questions that we are left with...
I know it will get easier, time heals all wounds. One day I will be able to maybe not laugh at this, but not be angry, hurt or bitter. cause let me tell ya'll, I am mad as hell right now!! I have not thrown any letters aways, and I have asked him 3 time sto send all ( private ones especially) pictures back and all 3 times he has said NO!!! he wont send them back.. thank god there is no faces on the private ones... If anyone is going through this and needs to chat, please fell free to private message me.. I am totally here for anyone of you ladies.. Happy Easter to all of you ...

(((((hug)))))


You should not live one way in private, another in public. - Publius Syrus

It has been a few days since I have checked in, so let me give you all an update.

I just got done with my Spring Break so I am back at school.

When I got back I had several letters from Josh but I am not even opening them and they are all laying on the dining room table.

Can you say HOT?!?! That is what it is here. This past week we had to turn the air conditioner on because it was almost in the 80s which is not even funny....this is the time that I hate being in the South, during summer.

I went to go see Ring Two and I thought it was pretty good. I get scared so easily that my momma (who went with me) had to hold me several times LMAO

About my future puppy....I really want either a maltese or toy poodle. I have been looking around at different breeders. After looking at the prices which range from 500-2000 a puppy I have realized I need to save LOTS of money LOL I have looked at the shelters and adoption agencies but am having no luck in finding a small dog. I can not have a big one because it will be a in the house one, and my mom has a limit on the size, go figure. I will keep y'all updated on what I get and when I get it :D

I hope everyone has a fabulous week!!! Lots of HUGS and LOVE to all!!!

HUGS

Mel

Today is a rough day I'm just really sad :( It's the first day I had trouble keeping it together at work in a good week or so.I'm just so mad at him for not only what he did to me but for being so cold and heartless now,avoiding me and the promises he made that still needed to be kept even though we split up

Got some mail from his friends wondering whats up why they haven't heard from him and wishing us well,telling M how lucky he is to have me! Ha! If only he thought that way.The mail is really slow there so they still don't know we split up.

Today is a rough day I'm just really sad :( It's the first day I had trouble keeping it together at work in a good week or so.I'm just so mad at him for not only what he did to me but for being so cold and heartless now,avoiding me and the promises he made that still needed to be kept even though we split up
(((((HUGS))))) I wish I could do that in person. I wish I could just hold you so you could let it ALL out. I can remember wanting someone to do that for me. :(

PSMITH, man I SO KNOW what you are going thru with your emotions on your boy. I used to wonder what was worse, my own pain, or the pain I felt SO deep as my daughter's mother. I grew without my "daddy" and NEVER wanted my daughter to do the same. I used to cry tears for me and then a whole nother set would come down for her :( ((((HUGS))))

Can you say HOT?!?! That is what it is here. This past week we had to turn the air conditioner on because it was almost in the 80s which is not even funny....this is the time that I hate being in the South, during summer.
OMG I WISH we could see 80's here. It's barely getting to the high 40's :( I'll swap ya places for the summer :D You can come work my job, take care of the kids, and I'll go to school for you :D I might add I had a 3.5 GPA when I was in college, and that was when I had 2 jobs and taking care of my son by myself :D :D So wiht NO kids in the way, I surely could be a 4.0 student :D And I'll add, I live with my brother and from what I hear he's a hottie :D :D

Stacy

sorry for no hugs or quotes yesterday - I'll make up for it today ;)

(((((HUGE HUG)))))



A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. - English Proverb

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. - Soren Kierkegaard

OMG I WISH we could see 80's here. It's barely getting to the high 40's :( I'll swap ya places for the summer :D You can come work my job, take care of the kids, and I'll go to school for you :D I might add I had a 3.5 GPA when I was in college, and that was when I had 2 jobs and taking care of my son by myself :D :D So wiht NO kids in the way, I surely could be a 4.0 student :D And I'll add, I live with my brother and from what I hear he's a hottie :D :D

Stacy

Consider it done! Come on down and you can live here in my apartment, all by yourself....no children, nada. :D Class schedule is really nice, monday thru wednesday 3:30-8:00, and thursday from 3:30-4:45. No job, so you don't have to worry about that. You will be moving in May, after graduation, so you might have to pack a little. I would LOVE to live with your hot borther :eek: :eek: :eek: Did I say that.....LMAO

My day is just starting but I have a good feeling that today is going to be womderful! I hope you ladies are having a good day as well.

HUGS

Mel

I GUESS I AM STILL AT THE VERY ANGRY, DENIAL, CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING STAGE.. I'M STILL IN SHOCK THAT HE DIDNT SEND ANYTHING AT ALL FOR EASTER FOR OUR SON. THE ONLY GOOD NEWS I GOT YESTERDAY IS THAT THE STATE OF ARIZONA SENT HIM HIS REQUEST FOR PATERNITY DNA TESTING ON MARCH 21ST AND HE SHOULD HAVE GOT THAT BY NOW. WE CAN FINALLY GET ARIZONA TO ALLOW HIM TO BE TESTED SO THAT HIS DOUBT ( HIS, I KNOW BETTER) CAN BE PUT TO REST!! AFTER HE KNOWS FOR 99.99% SURE THAT OUR SON IS HIS , THEN ALL THAT HE DOESNT DO FOR HIS SON IS ON HIS HEAD! HE WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT. I HAVE DONE ALL ANY ONE PERSON CAN DO TO LET HIM HAVE ACCESS TO OUR SON.

I WAS SURPRISED THAT I DIDNT GET ANOTHER BITCHING ME OUT LETTER YESTERDAY SEEING AS HE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT LEGAL PAPERWORK BY THE 24TH... HE WAS NOT AWARE THAT ARIZONA HAD COME ON BOARD TO HELP THE STATE OF TEXAS...WHICH IS WHERE I AM FROM. BET HE ISNT REAL HAPPY RIGHT NOW! TOO BAD, TOO SAD.. MY SON HAS THE RIGHT TO HAVE HIS LEGAL FATHER AND HE HAS THE RIGHT TO SUPPORT SOMEWHERE DOWN THE LINE MAYBE.:angry:

I had class today so I'm tired already and I have yet to go to work. I have to meet up with this guy I'm seeing because he plans to take me out to lunch before work! Woo hoo! That alone will make my day! I sent out my break up letter yesterday so my nerves are kinda shot right now. I hated having to do it because I never wanted to hurt him like he hurt me but I knew it was time. I'm just waiting for the reply now. He's still writing me lots of letters, on average 2 a day but until I'm stronger, I'm not reading them! I hope everyone has a great day!

today is a good day!! So far. I have all ready drove up north to meet my father so my girls can spend break with them!!!! :D A break for mom what else could be better.. I feel real good about myself for the first time in along time. I wake up and look forward to a new day!!!

P.S Dinky you are going to be just fine. You are doing what is best for you and that is all that matters right now!!

I am having a great day even though I'm at work. With the kind of business I'm in we have our slow, really slow days, which is what this week is. But with the spring time comin' business will be booming. So, I pass my time reading post after post here on PTO, I check my PM's and return the PM's, I wrote Randy an 11 page typed letter. Told him about the PTO people I've met and what a fun day I had at Ann Arbor with you guys! All in all life is good! My bad days seem to be less intense as they once were. But after 18 years of this, I do still have hard days.

For all those that are having a rough time, stay stong, there's an inner strength in each of us to be able to live this life. Or when to say goodbye, that takes strength too. We are all here for each other! :thumbsup:

I had a great day. I finally got an ultrasound and my baby is healthy and perfect far as they can tell. Her name will be Gabby and she will run me in the ground, lol!

I still think about Andy, but I don't even see us being friends. I realize we never were. It is so sad. If I had my way, I wouldn't see him again, but I don't. He barely has anything to do with us. That makes it really hard when he decides to play daddy. But at least I am not crying through the night about him anymore.

I'm just waiting for the reply now. He's still writing me lots of letters, on average 2 a day but until I'm stronger, I'm not reading them! I hope everyone has a great day!


This is so me right now. I am awaiting the reply letter. I still get about a letter a day but I am not reading them, and probably never will. I do not plan on reading that reply letter. I just know what it will say, something along the lines of your such a meanie head (put really bad word right there) and then something along the lines of I love you soooo much and blah blah blah and make me feel like crap. So I totally understand ya! If you ever need anything I am just a PM away....

HUGS

Mel

Unfortunatly today is a bad day :( I've been crying a lot.I just miss him so much today and it just plain sucks!

Yesterday was a good day for me. After I took my kids up north. I got the paint to start painting away my memorys of him. I all got a pedicure and went to dinner with my cousin, We watched a movie The Notebook it was a good movie but if I was sad in any way I would cry. Now I'm trying to get ready for work but I'm moving slow!!! I have been seeing someone and thought one thing about the relationship but after the hour long talk last night I'm even more confused!! I hope that every one finds peace today...... Cali I'm sending you HUgs all the way from Michigan!! Keep your head up!!

I would LOVE to live with your hot borther :eek: :eek: :eek: Did I say that.....LMAO YES YOU DID! :D He needs a good woman too! My schedule is of course a bit more complicated. I get up @ 6 am, drink my coffee and talk to you wonderful people, but after that it's staright down hill. Get the brat up, get ready for work, take the boy to shool, the brat to daycare and off to work I go. I'm there til almost 6 pm :eek: Go get the brat, go home cook diner. Fight with her til she FINALLY goes to sleep. Do it ALL over the next day. The upside tho, I DON'T WORK WEEKENDS :D

Can you handle all that?!?! LOL

PMSMITH, I kow this is really tough right now. And I agree, your child deserves to know his daddy. Unfortunately, we can't force them to be good dads. What we can do is let our children that WE (moms) LOVE them unconditionally. Always play with them, and guide them the best we can. Try NOT to let them see our anguish over the current situation. Enjoy them as much as possible. We also have the right to be happy in our lives as their Mommy ;) Don't let the cloud of his ignorrance steal our joy away.

Kace, that goes for you too sweety. YOU CAN DO THIS! And your child will be greatful in the end.

Cali, you are allowed to have bad days. It's inevitable unfortunately :( But remember, you're still on the right track! You are healing, even when these days seem to bombard you! We are here Cali!

Shell, sorry I didn't get to you yesterday........but THANKS for coming here and supporting us. You 2 have been thru ALOT, things WILL work themselves out. You crack me up, my hubby wants the same things from me, and I'm the one who's scared someone is listening :D

I took the kids to the movies last night. Went with a couple of my friends. We watched "The Pacifier" WOOOEEEEE is Vin Diesel HOT or what :D Great movie for the kids. And a great memory for the family :) I recommend to ALL who have children and need some time out of the house.

(((((HUGE HUGS))))) to ALL!

Stacy

All the ladies in this forum who are in pain and hurting unfortunately have these things in common, but we can also feel comforted by knowing so many others are suffocating with the same feelings..at least I don't feel so alone...

Kace- Congratulations on Gabby!!(Hugs) She is lucky to have a mom like you, so selfless and caring...don't waste your tears on Andy...how is AJ?

Luna- I wish you comfort and peace of mind...

I am sorry for not going through the list individually....Please know I am thinking about all you ladies and hope that you are having a peaceful day and wish you so many more.

Kace,Gabby is a pretty name :)

Today was more of the same just pretty BLAH

Hope everyone had a good or ok day :)

Other than the fact that he tried calling today, I have had a pretty easy going day. I should be asleep right now because it is almost 2 in the morning, but the weather is getting prettb bad right now.

Tomorrow is going to be great because my class was cancelled so I get to sleep in and hand out around here.

I hope everyone is doing great! BIG HUGS to all!

Cali--stay strong girl, I know you can do it :D

HUGS

Mel

My day was wrecked because Josh got a debit card, since I blocked my phone, and he added my cell number to his list of numbers. Not only did he wake me up, he called all day! Leaving my nerves shot and me shaking. I just want him to let go. I'm about to take one of these calls and it won't be pretty! I just want to be left alone. I said it was over, why can't he just accept that!!!???

Oh no Dinky, I'm sorry to hear he's making you crazy. I would take the call and just tell him, he needs to move on and he's making this MUCH more difficult for the both of you.

Cali, ((((HUGS))))

Mel, keep up your spirits! Sounds like your doing better and better each day.

Loiui'sgirl, keep pampering yourself. We ALL deserve that :D

I've been REAL tired lately, so my spirits aren't up so great today. Sleep won't come til next week sometime........lol.


(((((((HUGS))))))) to ALL!

Stacy

So far it stinks! It is 4:33 am here and I haven't slept yet! Just can't shut my mind off :(

MY DAY IS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!!! THANK GOD I FINALLY GOT PISSED, MADE THE MAJOR DECISION TO END IT ALL!! I TOOK BACK CHARGE OF THE SITUATION, MY LIFE WITH MY SON AND I FEEL 100 % BETTER FOR IT, I HAVE TO SAY!WILL CALL THE TONTO VISITATION OFFICER TOMORROW AND ASK FOR THE PAPERWORK TO BE SENT TO ME TO BE TAKEN OFF HIS VISITOR LIST AND THAT WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT.... I FEEL 175 POUNDS LIGHTER LADIES!! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!:thumbsup:

Today I feel pretty good, and it's a good feeling to go through the day without the guilts bogging me down. I keep thinking about the Friday when I see my new boyfriend and I miss him during the week, and he gives me that bright spot to look forward to. With each day, I feel like myself again.

I'm really tired, I was out all night and only got myself three hours of sleep but I'm depressed as well. Josh must have received the letter from me because he hasn't called and I haven't received any letters. I'm relieved but at the same time, now I'm know it's OVER! Now comes the pain. This is never easy to get through.

How is everyone doing this weekend?

It was hard for me after his call but yesterday I did get out a little and go to lunch,shopping and got a hair cut (just a trim)
Today I'm just being lazy,feeling pretty blue still but trying to keep my mind off of it and get ready for the work week (ICK lol)

Well, I went to work this morning, and now I'm home. I left early as I feel like crap :( Layed down for an hour, and that didn't help.

Tomorrow, the SIL has her Bariatric Surgery, I will be with her ALL day. I hope she does well.

Cali, so gla to see you in a little better sprits. Continue trudging forward ;) Soon, you'll have your life back and begin to move forward.

((((HUGS))))

Stacy

today i am very depressed i found out he got my name covered up. it really hurt me now i am back to square on i am at work and very depressed.

Slogirl I'm sorry to hear that :( Hang in there I know it sucks believe me! We are here to listen and talk whenenver you need us

Today I felt like you know what so didn't go to work,not good on my part at all but I'm just having a rough time and luckily my boss knows and understands.

It is a nice day here and I should go grocery shopping and run errands but don't really know if I will get out of my pj's or not today!!

I'm depressed and very nervous. I have been waking up at 1:30 in the morning again. It stopped for awhile but now I am doing it again. My left hand is swollen and hurts(I need arm surgery) but I don't know why. We got flooded the other day and maybe it is from sandbagging the hunting cabin. Or nerves. I wake up and my teeth hurt from grinding them and my head hurts because I shove my head into the wall when my nerves are bad. I don't sleep very much. I don't actually cry hard, but I will just start to have tears run down my face. I got an e-mail from his PO. Everytime I hear something or find out something I e-mail him. I am just sick. I feel like I let a plague loose on this town. I am embarrassed and ashamed and hurt and disgusted and appalled. I don't know how long I keep going. I wish he would knock on the door right now. I would take him down!

I can't complain with how I am feeling now. I still go over things in my mind, but I am not crying. He doesn't call or come around. I am glad. Honestly, I don't know how I will handle having him around. In a way, I just want to be totally left alone. I am on zoloft for my depression. Just owning up to all that was going on and finally getting help is making me feel better. I hope everyone is doing well. Stay strong!

I'm glad everyone likes the name. Thanks. Take Care!!!!

I'm confused and lost and my emotions are making me crazy! He called and I talked and it made me miss him terribly but I know I need to move on..... I went to work and pulled it all together but inside I'm dying right now. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day!

I was just sitting here looking at the calender and realized that I have 36 days and a wake up until graduation!!!! OMG this is just great great great!!! I am so close to being done that I am starting to get that bittersweet taste in my mouth :)

My mom and I close on the house that we are buying at the end of this month. I know that most you know this, but just in case...this will be the very first house I have ever lived in! I am starting to get realllllllly excited :)

This week is not a great one because I have alot to do. Tonight I have a test in my corrections class, tomorrow I have a statistics test and tomorrow night I have a HUGE presentation to make in my social justice class....but in a mere 48 hours I will be done with this week of classes :D

I finally closed my consolidated communications account, so Josh CAN NOT call me every again. I felt that this was a stepping stone to fully getting over him :D

Yesterday morning, I received the very first phone call from my newest penpal, who is just a sweetie in general. I am attracted to this man greatly, but I am not letting myself move from the infatuation stage just yet.

I hope everyone is doing well and here is a big ole HUG!

Melissa

That's AWESOME nes Mel. Congratulations :D

I'm just plain 'ol whipped today. I think I'll go to bed early.

Thay transferred my husband, which is actually (I hope) a good thing. He gets to keep his job AND visiting is longer on the weekends :)

((((HUGS)))) to ALL!

Stacy

Congrats Mel and Stacy :)

Today is the same what can I say? Feeling down and rather anxious.


HUGS everyone

Well today was actually ok,productive day went to work (after missing a few days) and got all my household stuff done (yards,weeds,gate fixed).Tonight I'm pretty bummed but all in all it was a better day then the last couple have been


Hope everyone had a good day/night :)

Hey Cali that is good news... at least you got that yard work done. I hope each day gets a little brighter...

Me, I am just trying to get thru work after meningitis a few weeks ago -- that's left me kinda tired and achey most days.

Me and my guy-friend might be slowly taking baby steps to get back as friends again... I'm not sure yet, but he did send a kinda nice letter and tried to call me all day Friday. I miss him but I don't want to get let down again.

Qwerty glad he is realizing what a great friend he is missing out on


Today was/is a horrible day he called me at work to tell me he left money for me at my house (money good hearing his voice not good) I've been sobbing ever since :(
Miss him like crazy and just don't understand any of this!

Oh Cali that sucks!!!! That is just too much to take, why isn't he respecting your wishes not to get the phone calls? I would be such a mess at work too.... :(:(:(

Cali- Hun, I'm so sorry, I'm right there with you on the feelings!

Qwerty- Keep us posted on things!

Me? Very bad, very confused. I thought I was over Josh, but I RUN to my mailbox, anticpiating that nice letter he sent out to me! It's killing me because I have the sweetest guy trying to get with me, and I still cannot move on! Why is this happening?

The past few days have been pretty good. I have got somethings worked out with my self. I still have days all so Karen where I look in the mail box to see his name but there is nothing there. And why I would feel like that I can't seem to find the reason for it? The only reason is that seeing someone that is so different is scareing me to death. Trying not fall for the nice guy cause I don't want to be hurt.. If I could give you reason why you run to your box I would hang in there...

Cali I"m so sorry that he called you.. But it is a good thing that he paid you back. Have you found anything that makes you feel better. I want you to know that I think about and I try to think of something that will take away your pain. The only thing that I can come up with is time. So please keep your head up...

Amy

Miss him like crazy and just don't understand any of this!Oh Cali, I SO know what you are going thru :( I swear I was SO much better not hearing his voice. But as soon as I'd see him (we have our daughter) I'd get sick to my stomach. I just didn't understand either. I'm so sorry you are going thru all this. I so wish I could just ((((HUG)))) you in person. You hang in there sweety. It WILL get better. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but I promise it will.

Stacy

Another bad day :( Just so sad and miss him so much!
PLUS tomorrow is MONDAY which really sucks LOL

It was an okay day, had awesome church service this a.m. Hope all are doing Okay.

Been down, very depressed, thinking about getting put on Zoloft! I never wanted to rely on a drug for happiness but these days things just seem to get bleaker for me!

I have been off work for the past three days.. My middle daughter got her tonsils out on Monday and all is well with her. She is up north at my parents for a few days to heal cause I cant take off a whole week we would go broke.. Things have been going well for me I'm still seeing this guy but we say that we are just friends with benfits so that way no one is suppose to get hurt. and there is no pressure about anything.. He is a nice guy and that is a scarey thing to handle.. something new..

Dinky girl if that is what you need to help you out then go get them there is nothing wrong with it..

Just wanted to say hi and hope everyone's getting a little stronger very day.

Dinky, don't feel bad if you want to try Zoloft. I have battled depression throughout my life, I finally realized that my family has that chemical imbalance that causes it. Serotonin deficiency is real...

The thing about anti-depressants is they don't 'make' you happy, they can just pull you out of that deep hole so you can function better and get it together on your own. PM me if you like anytime... :)

hello everyone, i had a beautiful time in vegas, cant wait to get back. it was nice to get away and have some real fun. i came back yesterday and it was like welcome to reality. i have thoughts swirling and having evil and sad thoughts. Dave called this morning which was a lil pick me up, and i might have plans with a cutie tomorrow night... but still, i cant help but revert. i almost thing im in the compulsion phase, ive been buying a lot of stuff for myself, i do need the stuff like clothes, i dont ever do anything nice for myself, but i cant help but wonder if this could be bad... (ps. i can afford it at this point) i cried just a lil, i can go a few without breaking down, but i still revert back... i hope everyone else is staying strong.. ?:

Today was OK still feeling blue but I went to work and then treated myself to getting my nails and eyebrows done

ASWEETANGEL99 I went though that phase all so with shopping.. I needed clothes that were not prison visit clothes... I all so started to redo my house.. Hang in there honey cause it does get better!!!!

Cali good for you to treat yourself like that.. I hope that you have a good day today.. ~~~HUGS~~~

Today has been a wonderful day for me... even though Dee has called me two times and had me in tears. Oh how karma is going to sneak up on him! I went to dinner with my best friend and then just returned home from church. Every day that I am peaceful in mind and my life is safe, I know that I am blessed. it has been a good day. I attribute Dee's nast phone calls to me simply due to the fact he can't physically abuse me any longer, so he'll go for the verbal, hurtful way to do so. Even still, it was a good day. As a Desitiny's Child's song says "It feels so good to be free.."

Hey it's the 19th. How is everyone doing :) I know I haven't been in here in a couple days. I've been looking at houses. I'm trying to buy a house within the next couple months :D It's not as easy as just running out and buying. THis is WORK! :eek:

It's Monday, but this week I get my first vacation of the year :D :D

Stacy

Well, I had a trying weekend. My divorce was final on Friday and that was a relief even though I have to pay him child support regardless that the kids are with me more often. Friday night I got a call from another inmate that shouldn't have my phone number. I was pretty mad about it. I calmed down on Saturday and now I am just waiting for all the pieces to fall into place so I can figure out what is going on. Today I am just taking it one day at a time and we'll see what happens and how the rest of the week will turn out. Hope all is well with everyone else.

*sigh* I can't believe you are paying child support when you ahve the kids most of the time :(

Hang in there LD, I KNOW things will work themselves out. Maybe not in quite the way you'd like them to right now, but in a MUCH better way you never expected. Give the kids ((((HUGS)))) from me :)

((((HUGS)))) to you too!

So glad to see you still here ;)

Stacy

Well a bad situation just got worse but ya know at least I have some answers and have to face things head on. Obviously the last couple days haven't been very good for me. It is kind of depressing. I keep trying to look for the light at the end of the tunnel and I know that it is getting closer but the tunnel is getting rougher. I'm a bit depressed. Thanks for the hugs Stacy, I appreciate them. Hopefully the weekend will be much better but I doubt it with the snow coming. Snow at the end of April, well that's Michigan for you!!!!

Hey Ladies!

Haven't done a check in in awhile. Things have been so chaotic. I cannot wait till things calm down. If it isn't work problems, its home problems... you know the deal!

I just wanted to stop in and wish everyone a great week, and weekend... The weather is getting beyyyotiful here in New England... and I hope the rest of ya'll are coming onto Spring weather :) Its good for you...

Big Hugs to all ya :)

Heather

Today was allright I talked with a friend for a long time on the phone,went shopping and then a friend came over to visit with her new puppy (How cute she is!)

Been feeling pretty down but I'm making myself get out and do stuff!!

Hope everyone is doing ok and enjoying the weekend!

I feel so much better after reading all of this love and support, my mama went to jail on friday, she's in Dublin CA, I'm in england, kind of leaves me feeling a bit hopeless. My 4 yrs boyfriend moved out on Friday too..........great day ! Feeling Numb, he just admitted that my perception was correct, he asked a girl out for a date.........great again.
But its my Mama I can't stop thinking about, not true, thinking about him too, my boys just wrote their first letters to my Mama, my 6 year old said he was sorry for her, she's gonna cry so much, should I send it to her ?? It's the truth.
Wow I feel such a mix of emotions for everyone, found my father 3 weeks ago, he didn't know he had a daughter, wants to know me, he looks like me, got that to deal with too, just wanna switch off and be someone else for a while, everything is happening at the same time and no-one seems to want to stop throwing it at me don't know how to tell my mama I found my father, she just went to jail, I really want to tell her, but she will be alone from me, can't write it in a letter can I, not gonna see her for years, it succks.
Luna child : Your babies sound gorgeous, get strength from them, I feel your pain, you made me cry, have some of my strength, I've plenty to give, my mama gave me loads, you can hold it together just think strength.
busy bees Jylla

Today was ok. I am wondering if something is wrong with me..I havent cried or been upset at all about him leaving. It was just like...I knew it was coming..and didnt care. I worry about him...and hope he is doing right, but I dont know. I still feel hurt..but more at the fact that he isnt even trying to be a friend..which sounds a little petty..I dunno...And my neighbor just hit on me...I am having issues...LOL

Busy Bees I am sorry you are going through all of this,we are here for you anytime HUGS

JustHeather sounds like you are handling things ok! Hugs to you as well

Today is a beautiful day here but I am lazy,lazy,lazy :)

Thanks california sunshine, glad so many of you are there for me, I lke your cat, I have 3, I'll try and do the same as you with the photos, The sun is shining, gorgeous day........you bring me sunshine...........(la la la la) going to go horseriding with my boys today. love busy.

Today is Ok. I had an interesting week last week though. I got a letter from my guy which I am happy about. He apologized for his sudden change in character and said that it was mostly fear and frustration. He told me that he feels that he can't carry on a really emotional relationship when it is taking so much out of him to just keep it together and remain sane after his recent flop. I can understand that. I have not responded to the letter yet. I intend to take things pretty slowly and see what happens. I am not holding onto any expectations for the future. Unfortunately I also got a letter and a call from one of my guys ex-friends trying to work his way into my life. I have written him a letter drawing the line but I am worried that he will tell my guy a bunch of crap and make our tentative friendship strained already. I guess whatever happens will happen and I will deal with it. Hope the rest of the week is good for me and for all of you as well. Take Care!

You guys are AWESOME keeping this thread going. :D

Today was a ecent day. I have a horrible migraine, but other then that it's been pretty mellow :)

LD's, glad to see he wrote you :) YOu deserved the apology. I wouldn't worry much about the friend. If your guy really beleives that crap, then he didn't really know you anyway.

((((HUGS)))) my friends :)

Stacy

BLAH just BLAH :(

Just had to say yesterday I was feeling really crappy cause I got all emotional and called and left him a message threatening him with court BUT last night I went with 5 friends to a rock concert,got completely bombed and had an AWESOME time :) I had so much fun! We went to a dance club after and that wasn't/isn't my thing so I didnt have much fun there,funny though I ran into a hot man I had a huge crush on before Matt and I got back together! The first thing he said to me though was "I hear you may be getting married" I said "Um no he left me,moved in with someone else and ripped my Mom off" so that was kind of a downer,just the whole club,singles scene was a downer BUT before that the night was a great one I had a blast :) Got in at 3 am today and boy am I paying for my partying last night LOL Kind of bummed today but at least I went out last night and had FUN!

I am glad you had a blast last night, Cali. :clap: What ended up happening with the old crush? Did you get his number? :yes: