Basically, a minister told me that I was placed in Von's life to minister to him and not to allow my emotions to push it into being anything else. She also said that it would not be God's will for my life to wait in limbo for 5 years. She also said that He cannot be my husband because he cannot cover me spiritually or physically. So, my question is, has anybody ever recieved the same counsel and what should I do or think. I don't feel like I am missing god on this one, but I want to have the support of my pastor. She also said that she isn't telling me to deny him she is just saying delay or basically slow down. Talk about mixed up!

She also said that it would not be God's will for my life to wait in limbo for 5 years. She also said that He cannot be my husband because he cannot cover me spiritually or physically.
Sounds like she is blurring her personal convictions with God's. I believe if it is part of God's master plan for you, you will be with him. Sounds almost like she wants to discourage you from being with the man you believe in....hummmm...wonder if this is how Jesus felt? JMO :)

Im a bit confussed I thought pastors were suppose to help you with not confuse you. I agree with no. This pastor of your is putting his or her feeling in it and there feeling isn't what matter. It's what God had in store for you. If it wasn't ment for you to be with him God will give you a sign. It's up to you to see what it is. Open your heart to receive the answer. Supporting him in prayer and spiritually helps I know it helps me. Wishing you all the best but sometimes even pastors can be wrong in their advice.

Thanks ladies, I feel better! I thought i may be making a wrong decision.

The Bible says"Put your faith in NO MAN!" She is coming from her own personal thingy. Just pray to the Lord to make it clear to you about this man and proceed from there. Good Luck Peace.......

Von I say pray on it for yourself. Too many times we are seeking advice and because a person doesn't like what is going on they will try to put it on God. I wonder what she would say about those of us already married. I believe that God does put us in people's lives and he sometimes reveals to us what we are there for. There are people out here that have been dating for five years without their men/woman covering them physically and for her to say spiritually, how does she know? He could be ministering to you and showing you some things as well as you are showing him some. PRAY and ask God to give you some understanding. Don't let others impress there own convictions on you. Some people don't understand that all people are supposed to be loved whether they are Psycho killers or the Bishop of a church. Seek God for understanding and he will reveal everything to you in time. Keep your head up and don't be discouraged. God Bless you and your loved ones.


Shona`

She also said that she isn't telling me to deny him she is just saying delay or basically slow down.

This is very sage advice. Probably not what we want to hear, but how many times is whats good for us what we want to hear?

Pray and go with what your heart tells you to do. I too think this pastor is
putting his or her own personal views in the advice they are giving. Leave it to God "not your pastor", if it is God's will for you to be with this man then you will be. I know for a fact "without any doubt" that God brought my man and I together, and "noone" can tell me that what we have wasn't in God's plan and meant to be!! Go with your heart and what "you" believe and don't let anyone but God influence your decision!!! Good luck!!

I believe that I would be finding another minister. Then in counseling I would prefer to talk with Him and his wife together. It was very refreshing for me to hear a womans point of view on things. I was surrounded by men and had plenty of male input, ego's too. It was another deal all together to talk to a couple. The insight was wonderful.
I believe that if you want this man as your husband and are willing to wait for the physical benefits, he can cover you spiritually and encourage you mentally and emotionally. It happens all the time. To say otherwise is basically telling women all over who have men locked up they should leave their men because they can't meet your needs. I can't see that happening. Live in the spiritual side and live with the anticipation of fulfilling the physical. It does however push the envelope of spiritual maturity and like mindedness. If he (the fiance') is not a like believer then you should reconsider. The bible does warn about being unequally yoked and the problems it causes in marriages. Especially nonbelievers at all.

All I know is, you will never know unless you try. Even if you make the wrong decision, as long as you trust in God, He will make sure you come through on the other end with more understanding for the future.

If I were to try to move on, my life would then be in limbo without him.

I think you were very lucky to talk with somebody that gave an honest opinion rather than merely telling you what you wanted to hear. I think it was GREAT advice.

When I spoke to a female pastor regarding my situation, she encouraged me to seek God. She did not discourage me b/c she had several sons who were incarcerated, and she understands the situation.

I also spoke with another minister/pastor who counseled me any my friend. She encouraged me to stand beside him and to be supportive. She also encouraged me to try and understand his situation. This particular pastor was extremely supportive of us and wanted to marry us.

I think if the pastor had a son who was incarcerated, etc. and knew that his/her child had a supportive mate standing beside them, they would be supportive.

In a nut shell, you have to fast and seek God's face for yourself and what ever the Lord shares w/ you, hold on to it and don't waiver. It's easy to waiver when we're in this type of situation.

Fast, Pray and seek God for yourself. However, Pastor's have a responsibility to lead the people of God in the ways of God. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it is for our good in the long run.

Von - my dad was a minister, and he counselled many women to leave their marriages - not because he was ungodly, but because he couldn't come to a better conclusion from his own study of the Bible. He saw too many women who were the only ones in those relationships holding up their ends. He saw children suffering from horrid fathering, he saw violence; he pulled husbands out of bars on Friday nights before they blew the rent check. He couldn't reconcile it with a loving God. If your minister is anything like mine, she knows the problems all too well. Take her message to heart. She's seen the miracles, she just knows how rare they are.

Yes I have had this conversation with an ex friend. And I did say EX FRIEND. No one know what Gods plan is for anyone else. Some people will never know what Gods plan is for them because they are so busy being closed minded and judgemental. I know from personal experience that God wont speak to a heart that is hardened. Just because a person said that God has told them something does not make it Gods word. I trust no ones info but my own. Unless God shows me Himself what someone else is saying is His plan for my life, T_N_T aint trying to hear it. As far as people who claim they have Gods ear and can preach to the masses, I don't give them the time of day. I don't need to consult anyone on what to do in my situation. I talk to the one who controls everything. I get my spiritual food directly from Gods word and daily prayer with him. Someone mentioned seeing miracles. We all have seen them. You need no so called special connection with God to be a witness. Some of us just have closed eyes and didn't realize it. I don't know how much about the holy bible you know but there is not a line in the bible that approves of a woman being minister, preacher or a pastor. It does however give the definition of one. IMO.. Pray and ask God what He would have you to do. He will let you know. Once again I am living proof of the power of prayer. This time last year Dr's were trying to save my life. I was supposed to be in heaven with the Lord but He saw different. Now I'm healthier than ever and happily married. I credit God. No matter how well meaning people may be we are still human. Read your bible for what God says about the marriage committment. I need a supernatural word from someone who has already seen the place where I will spend eternity with my husband. No human can provide that.


Basically, a minister told me that I was placed in Von's life to minister to him and not to allow my emotions to push it into being anything else. She also said that it would not be God's will for my life to wait in limbo for 5 years. She also said that He cannot be my husband because he cannot cover me spiritually or physically. So, my question is, has anybody ever recieved the same counsel and what should I do or think. I don't feel like I am missing god on this one, but I want to have the support of my pastor. She also said that she isn't telling me to deny him she is just saying delay or basically slow down. Talk about mixed up!

Let me tell you what a friend told me.
When ytou love somebody you are suppossed to love them mind, body and soul.
Just because there body is not there does not mean that they are ot with you in the other ways.

Von...



I too have had my pastor say similar things to me about Randy and the relationship we have. To tell you the truth, I did not like hearing what he had to say about waiting and letting Randy get out and get settled into a “normal” life. I don’t always agree with him, but I respect and submit to his leadership. It’s very tough to hear and receive what he says when it doesn’t line up with how I FEEL (or which way my emotions want me to go). But you have made a choice to be committed not only to your man, but to your Pastor. Which submitting to a Pastor should not be taken lightly because it is a great commitment. Pastor’s have a greater responsibility regarding your spiritual well being. The Pastor is the one who has to answer to God regarding God’s daughter, (the apple of God’s eye) which is you. Don’t get upset with your pastor, she is just doing her job as she has been directed by God. Don’t judge and condemn your pastor because her view doesn’t meet up with your view. I have learned over the last year, that pastors see a bigger picture, which we can’t see.



Have you tried listening to her and laying down your emotions, in order to gather a greater insight as to why she is saying what she is saying. It’s difficult to hear someone else when they aren’t saying what we want to hear. My challenge (this is a key word, because it is not going to be easy) to you is this, shut up (and I say that with the utmost love and respect) and listen before jumping the gun. In James 1:19 it says that “19Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: 20For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” Learning to shut your mouth first and foremost and hear what is being said to you and not jumping the gun based on what you feel, is the challenge I am putting out to you. Remember we are to live by faith and not by sight (being led by your emotions, is not faith).



I will say this; Randy and I have been together since I was 13 years old before he went in (I’m now 32). We have had our ups and downs. I do believe God brings people into our lives for certain reasons. Some are just for friendships, but then there is a special person that is only meant for you to be with. Is this man your man, I cannot truly say, as I don’t know you nor him. But I know who I am and I know who Randy is… Randy is that man in my life that is meant to be my life long husband. In fact we aren’t married on paper, but in our hearts we have been husband and wife for years now. The thing is my pastor doesn’t know Randy from Adam. A pastor’s job is to watch and guard the flock. Because John 10:10 states “10The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” Your pastor is doing what has been commanded of her, to guard you. I’m gonna go out on a limb, and say she probably does not know this person you are in love with. She probably has not seen the two of you together and how you interact with one another. Give her time and respect, continue to talk to her about him. Seek her counsel, which should be based on God’s revealed word and not out of fear. Don’t give up her yet. Lay down your emotions and clear your heart and head and truly seek God for this man in your life. I will say from experience, it is not easy to shut off the emotions, cuz for my entire life I was lead by my emotions. Your emotions are not where God lies. If you seek peace you will find what you need to know for your life. I say all this cuz; I’ve been there done that~ If you would like to talk further Pm me or catch me on the chat room everynight after 10pm est.

Traci
:grouphug: in Christ!!!

I've received the same counseling by friends, family and acquaintances dozens of times such as to what could my boyfriend possibly offer me from prison. I know that your minister and my friends are just looking out for our best interests and that they all mean well. :rolleyes: But you have to make the ultimate decision if this is a life for you. Mainly because alot of it is true since you do have to wait on that person and that isn't easy to begin with. Plus, there are the physically aspects as well that a person in prison can't provide. I practice celibacy so its not a major issue with me but sometimes you do miss just being able to touch that person through a hug. I have not been able to hug my boyfriend in about a year since hes been in jail and sometimes its painful. Now he's going to prison and he'll be in lockdown in prison so there will still be not contact with him for quite some time. These are just some of the issues that I deal with being involved with someone in prison and some things that you should consider when becoming emotionally involved with someone. :cool:

I think that it also depends on whether or not the person you talked to was also a state employee....

I hope that everything works out for you- only you and he know what you share....also you are the other half of this decision.........


HUGS!

Correct me if I am wrong but didnt you say this was a MINISTER that told you this? There is a difference between a minister and a pastor. However, we are never put into anyone's life for no reason. Even if individual is in prison or walking the earth free. Now if you knew this man before prison then you'd have your own personal feelings to go on and if not then you could take some of that advice and just be a spritual advisor to him and if it is meant to be God will lead the two together. It does appear that the minister may have said these things out of concern or trying to be a help. The Bible does say go ye therefore and teach all nations and didn't Jesus lay hand on the prostitute and pray for her? He didnt discriminate his love regarding individual title or situation; he loved everyone. The Bible doesnt tell us not to marry an individual because they are in prison; wasn't Paul and Silas locked up? They were disciples of God and God did deliver them. His present situation won't last forever it's only temporary; weeping endures for night but joy comes in the morning. Pray and seek his face and ask him to reveal this to you even if it hurts!

My pastor did ask me why I wanted to marry my husband before he came home and I answered him in this manner; Me and him both wanted our relationship to line up with the will of God because we had dated before he went back to prison and it was a wonderful experience though he'd never had sex though our decision to marry was surrounded by that fact but the Bible does say it is better to marry than burn. All round my husband is a good man that made some bad decisions and he does a better job showing me his love than some free men walking around here with no clue. My husband has been in prison for six years now and it took us 5 of those to get back in contact and now we are married. My pastor never told me not to marry him though I know he probably wanted too; alot of my decision and counsel were based on my mom who is an evangelist......Had it not been of God it would have been revealed through her because just about every experience in my life she's been able to tell me what was going to happen! I did ask the Lord to reveal to me what his will was whether it was what I wanted or not!

I was told the same thing by a minister who introduced us...if feelings like the ones we have now began then I needed to back off. I discussed what she said with him and we together made the choice to stay together. He always says he doesn't want to hold me up with the type of time he is doing, but I am all about him and him only.

Seek God for understanding and he will reveal everything to you in time...

What Sugargallon said is so true. It is so hard sometimes to know whats God's will for us. I try to keep it real simple....If it dosen't 'feel' right, then it probably isn't, that's God's will. I believe he talks to us through our feelings and concious. Although I believe that Minister had the best intenions, follow what 'feels' right..If there's doubt in any given situation, THAT"S what you should look at. Good luck to you...