Everyone who once used to be sympathetic about being separated from DF now could care less. I'm not getting support when I need it the most from people who are supposed to be my friends and family. I just stopped telling people because I don't want to hear it anymore. For crying out loud he got 6 months for contributing to a minor, who HASNT in some way bought alcohol for someone under 21? I mean SERIOUSLY. Whatever happened to judge not and he who as no sin?

Do you all get this too?

Yes, I get it all the time. My husband got three years so be happy its only six months time will fly. Most people judge because they are hiding something too and dont let it get you down. You have found a place to let yourself vent and talk to people that are going thru the same thing. Hold your head up and dont let them get you down.

yeah hang in there honey, he'll be home before you know it, mine got 3 yrs also, and i get it too, your time will fly by, trust me....i wish we were down to only 6 months!!

missyou2,

I was the one incarcerated, I lost alot of military friends, one girl in particular that I had went through boot camp with back in 1975. We were pretty tight for most of our career.

I really do miss her, some of my friends stuck with me though, the crew of the last ship I served on flooded me with letters, those folks I will never forget.

Times like what you are going through bring out the worst and the best in people, the friends that have dropped you were not true friends. The ones that stick with you, they are the ones that you cherish and value their friendship for life.

Patti

Thank you all so much. I feel lucky to have found this forum. I AM glad it is only 6 months, 5 if he's good in there. He hasn't called me in a couple of weeks though. I don't know if he can't get a phone card or got his privledges taken. The letters I get from him aren't caught up with time yet, ya know what I mean?

honey and dylans girl... 3 years??? Holy cow. this feels like a cake walk now! You are ...wow... really really strong!!

Yes, it's difficult to deal with friends and family who seem to have the attitude of "out of sight, out of mind" when it comes to those incarcerated. I'm lucky in most respects in that my entire family is very supportive of me and my son. Which is pretty amazing in itself, given his crime. Most of the people I am friends with are very understanding but I know that they don't really and truly understand the pain because they aren't going through it. It's hard to explain the hurt and sense of loss you feel at having someone you love in prison. When people ask how long he is in for and I tell them his sentence is 70 years, they are at a loss for words. When I tell them he will be eligible for parole in 10 years, but unlikely to have it granted until 15 or 20, that gives them some wiggle room for saying "all the right things." I know people mean well, but no matter what they say, or even how much they truly mean it, it doesn't ease the pain in my heart to know my son will be nearing middle age when he is released and will have lost so much. I find some measure of comfort in knowing that his loss is not as great as another mother's son's and that my pain is no where near hers. Perhaps "comfort" isn't the right word, but it's the only one that comes to mind right now. Be supportive of your boyfriend, do what you can for him, be there for him and be strong for him when he needs you to be. However, you also need to be there for yourself. Continue to live your life for you, not just for him. He will appreciate your strength in yourself that much more, I think. And yes, Patti is so right in saying diversity brings out the best and worst in people and when you're facing it, as we are, those who stand with us and those who run from us are really seen in a true light. Take care and hang in there.

Denada has got it right on the button. When my friends and family heard that my husband got life, it was hard I think for them to find the right words. I lost a few friends, I think because they didn't know how to respond to me or how to treat me. They don't understand yet that he hasn't completed clemency so the sentence is by no means official. It's hard for those that only see criminal cases on court TV to understand the military court martial system. You just need to hang in there and know that soon this will be all be past you and you can move on with your lives and say goodbye to the mistakes that have been made.

you're all so right. i am so thankful that there's forgiveness and healing, from God and from others, and even victims. my boyfriend's crime was 'victimless,' but even still...

i started writing to my boyfriend after he'd been in almost 3 years (he's coming up on 4 this summer)--he's my best friend's brother-in-law. obvisouly that means i didn't know him before his criminal activity (makes me chuckle just to read that! :p ), so i had to break the news to my parents after we became serious. they were NOT happy and even tried to encourage me to find someone new at places they recommended. that's even more laughable, since the places they recommended do not go along with my lifestyle at all. ... regardless of his family's support and the support of so many of my friends and the fact that he doesn't get in trouble, educates himself, leads a 12-step group, and is well-liked and respected by so many at the DB does not help my family to accept him. so now i just have to trust God and be patient. it's a long road ahead (see my signature--and that's just eligibility, not release!), but i know that one day my guy will show himself true and his character will shine for my parents. in the meantime, since i'm 1600 miles from him and 2000 from my parents, i just continue to love and support him and love my folks and keep communication open, and am careful not to get offended! God has a plan.

missyou, keep your chin up. time WILL fly! :) denada and erin, i pray that God will reward you for your patience and sacrifice, and that your son and husband continue to grow and make those around them smile. i have to say that since coming to PTO and loving an inmate, i have a completely different attitude about those incarcerated. i've met some people recently out of jail, and instead of being wary of them, i was excited to talk to them! see how so much positive can come out of what is normally seen as a negative? sorry this is so long but i got on a roll... :thumbsup: thanks for reading.

i agree be lucky your husband only got 6 months, not 2 years like mine. my husband's deployments are normally longer than 6 months, so i'd think of it as just another deployment.

I would have to say my kids I think relate thier fathers incarceration as a deployment. GOD BLESS THE MILITARY CHILD! They are so strong! Brings me to tears!!!!They truly are my strength....Marine wives arent supposed to cry!

Missyou2

Just like most have said, an ordeal such as incarceration will allow you to truly know who your friends are and where your family stands in regard to the situation.

After serving 10 years incarcerated, he will survive 6 months. I looked at it as others have served time before me with little to now problems, I would make it. I saw a lot of people serve 3-6 months and their "time" just flew by. As long as he stays out of trouble, he will recieve good time credit that will reduce his sentence. Some facilities even offer abatement for work or special projects that can reduce the time even further.

Stay Strong